FabSwingers.com forum: Should all messages be replied to?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

One thing I've noticed since we've been using Fab, is that an awful lot of singles guys expect a reply to their messages even if it's a 'thanks but no thanks' and that 'it costs nothing to be polite'.

I do try to reply to any message that has been thoughtfully written. However I don't see why I should reply to someone who hasn't bothered to read our profile, has ignored our requirements, or has sent a random 'cut & paste' message.

And when I do reply to to someone in the negative, what should I say to politely reject?

What do others think should be the etiquette for replying to messages?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its a shame these people can't familiarise themselves with the FAQ's on here about no replies being taken as a no thanks however in the past, I've replied with something along the lines of thanks for taking the time to message but you're not what I'm looking for on here, take care and happy swinging. The majority of replies to this were polite but some were abusive so generally went on to send the message followed by a block.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't reply to all messages and I've never felt the need to. Those that obviously haven't read the profile, one word/one line crap and meet now requests just get deleted. If they have read the profile and aren't for us then they get a polite thanks but no thanks, happy fabbing type message. Any comeback from that is ignored. Lost count of the number that get a bit arsey cos I don't reply. Tough. Not my problem. Maybe some should read the FAQ of the site they are on.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't reply to all .. and neither do I feel bad for it .. let's face it .. some of the messages men send dont deserve a reply let alone being polite with it at same time.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

If you don't want to chat or meet, don't bother answering. No one should expect a reply, not even the Spanish Inquisition.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I make sure I read all the profile and if there is anything that wouldn't get me a reply then I don't bother messaging, I'm a smoker for example and if it says won't meet smokers then I won't bother, however, when I do message I'm polite and friendly, don't ask for a meet, just introduce myself and ask a few questions but I can still count on one hand the replies I've had, I don't even get a thanks but no thanks, just a bit demoralising sometimes after taking time and effort to try and be different from the "typical guy"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *llie RoseWoman
over a year ago

By the seaside

I quite clearly say on my profile what I'm looking for and that I don't respond to messages outside of that. Why should I be expected to respond to messages I've already stated I don't want. If people think that's bad manners maybe they should consider ignoring a profile/preferences bad manners too.

Now coming down from my soap box and heading for a quiet corner

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

"I quite clearly say on my profile what I'm looking for and that I don't respond to messages outside of that. Why should I be expected to respond to messages I've already stated I don't want. If people think that's bad manners maybe they should consider ignoring a profile/preferences bad manners too.

Now coming down from my soap box and heading for a quiet corner

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Once i may have said how rude but i know the massive influx of mail etc you all get and couples with daft arse and insulting questions...it would be good to have a no thank you now and again respect earns respect if you see whatvi mean, but us single guys just have to accept we arent what you look for and

Walk away

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I will be honest I would prefer a reply as then I'd know and was not just bulk deleted my one liner messages I do send is to the ones that have my age group as ok to meet as they younger than me. (Ladies in my area cut off age 45)

But I ask if they happy to chat because of my age. Most deleted with out reading those that are read not ans so just presume that they not happy to chat to my age but would be nice to know one way or the other.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We get a fair few messages from single men that we do clearly state we are not looking for but if they are well written and it's obvious they've read our profile we will tend to reply. The reply still won't budge from the fact we are not looking.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't reply simple...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *alnsanCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

"I don't reply to all .. and neither do I feel bad for it .. let's face it .. some of the messages men send dont deserve a reply let alone being polite with it at same time. "

More or less the same situation in regards to reply, although our profile states that its Mrs who replies to messages & takes control of messaging its still unreal the amount specifically directed to her (hi babes, your lovely etc) still both of us active on profile, if I'm online & any are like this its a delete or if any are rude or discusting then straight block, one or two persistant copy & paste messangers sending same message over & over, but we just leave to them access our profile out of curiousity incase we should receive something different. Mr S

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"I don't reply to all .. and neither do I feel bad for it .. let's face it .. some of the messages men send don't deserve a reply let alone being polite with it at same time. "

^^^Exactly this

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I will be honest I would prefer a reply as then I'd know and was not just bulk deleted my one liner messages I do send is to the ones that have my age group as ok to meet as they younger than me. (Ladies in my area cut off age 45)

You have got your answer, deleting a message unread means they're probably not interested!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We reply to all messages (except rude ones). I kinda regret it now though since it makes our filters less useful.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I make sure I read all the profile and if there is anything that wouldn't get me a reply then I don't bother messaging, I'm a smoker for example and if it says won't meet smokers then I won't bother, however, when I do message I'm polite and friendly, don't ask for a meet, just introduce myself and ask a few questions but I can still count on one hand the replies I've had, I don't even get a thanks but no thanks, just a bit demoralising sometimes after taking time and effort to try and be different from the "typical guy" "

my profile says i dont meet smokers but i have met guys who do smoke as long as the guy is considerate it doesnt matter to me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i read a profile before i reply back to a message and if the person doesnt fit my pros as it were then ill either read the message and reply no thanks or if its one that has a message filled with what they want to do to me ill just bin it straight off

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have got your answer, deleting a message unread means they're probably not interested!"

But was it deleted in bulk deleted that what I meant there could it of been by mistake if so you don't know and if you gentleman you do not message again as,already messaged but no reply

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You log onto fab. The icon for received messages is lit up. Your heart skips a little beat. You click on it to open it. Thanks but no thanks. Rinse and repeat

Do you really want an inbox full of rejection? Some of it not as polite as that?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is a difficult one and i am not ashamed to say that I've been critical about this very subject before in the past.

Speaking from experience, I went through a stage where every message I sent led to no reply. Carefully reading profiles and sending a specific message to someone you fancy, takes a lot of time and effort and things got very frustrating after the 119th message without reply.

Believe it or not, it actually gets to you after a while. I appreciate that there is no given right for a lady or couple to reply back and I also appreciate that some profiles get inundated with messages. Having said that, I still believe that a "thanks but your not for me" goes a long way.

Maybe it's an addition the administrators of this site can add at some point in the future. A quick no thanks reply.

My way of thinking and expectations have changed immensely compared to the first 3 months since joining.

I very rarely if at all let things like that bother me anymore. I still send messages to which probably only 10% ever reply back.

It is what it is and it's up to the individual to decide whether or not to reply. I'm lucky to receive 2-5 messages a week, mostly are from men but I still reply back out of politeness.

That's it from me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have got your answer, deleting a message unread means they're probably not interested!

But was it deleted in bulk deleted that what I meant there could it of been by mistake if so you don't know and if you gentleman you do not message again as,already messaged but no reply

I used to bulk delete messages from profiles I wasn't interested in without reading the message, I wouldn't worry about it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eMontresMan
over a year ago

Halesowen

Don't understand why people can't understand that no reply = not interested.

Simples

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try to reply but if the message is that inane or not what we are looking for then increasingly its going to be deleted. Its becoming boring to wade through the standard "can I ask you a question" bollocks.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd rather have that than not knowing if that makes me strange so be it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They wouldn't have time to reply no to all the millions of emails they get, they would be home all day lol.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *llie RoseWoman
over a year ago

By the seaside

"I'd rather have that than not knowing if that makes me strange so be it"

So as I average 20 messages a day from others, who had they read my profile would know they aren't what I'm looking for, I should spend my time sending them a no thank you?

Oops seems I crawled back onto my soap box

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have got your answer, deleting a message unread means they're probably not interested!

But was it deleted in bulk deleted that what I meant there could it of been by mistake if so you don't know and if you gentleman you do not message again as,already messaged but no reply

I used to bulk delete messages from profiles I wasn't interested in without reading the message, I wouldn't worry about it."

I don't but as only send one mess as I one who believes in not swamping in messages those that are read and deleted I actually apologise for bothering them as I know I'm not what they looking for and don't contact again

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *llie RoseWoman
over a year ago

By the seaside

"I'd rather have that than not knowing if that makes me strange so be it

So as I average 20 messages a day from others, who had they read my profile would know they aren't what I'm looking for, I should spend my time sending them a no thank you?

Oops seems I crawled back onto my soap box

And don't even get me started on those 'I know I'm not what you're looking for but .....' messages otherwise I'll never get off this damn soapbox

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have got your answer, deleting a message unread means they're probably not interested!

But was it deleted in bulk deleted that what I meant there could it of been by mistake if so you don't know and if you gentleman you do not message again as,already messaged but no reply

I used to bulk delete messages from profiles I wasn't interested in without reading the message, I wouldn't worry about it.

So you apologise for bothering them by bothering them again?

Just delete all your sent mail as soon as its sent so you don't know what the recipient has done with it, you'll either log onto a reply or you won't, simples

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

last night I was d*unk and horny so sent 4965 "fancy a fuck" messages was delighted to see this morning 4964 messages in my in box, but by my 3000th "No, f off you weirdo" I was a tad despondent... but then I realised someone had been extremely rude and not replied so I started a thread about rudeness

N.B. I just made all that up... it's not real

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd rather have that than not knowing if that makes me strange so be it

So as I average 20 messages a day from others, who had they read my profile would know they aren't what I'm looking for, I should spend my time sending them a no thank you?

Oops seems I crawled back onto my soap box

No they should learn to read I would not message you as you attracted to taller guys I'm 5ft 1 so know not your type

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't reply to all .. and neither do I feel bad for it .. let's face it .. some of the messages men send don't deserve a reply let alone being polite with it at same time.

^^^Exactly this

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/04/16 17:44:00]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

So, I get a lot of messages that are a simple statement. And I'm not quoting but along the lines of 'I know you're not looking to meet but you're sexy'. Should I respond with a 'sorry, you're not what I'm looking for' when they have pointed out they already know that so weren't asking me to meet them anyway? Or respond with a simple thank you response that in my experience gets their hopes up and leads to further messages from someone I have no interest in? The point I'm making is that not every message invites a simple response. Me responding 'I'm sorry but I'm not interested' to a simple hello seems harsh and unnecessary, plus they may not be interested in me anyway. I'd rather just ignore it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If they have not understood your simple ask , then just delete .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"They wouldn't have time to reply no to all the millions of emails they get, they would be home all day lol."

We only get 1 or 2 single guy messages a day, so time wise it's not actually a big deal. It's just that most messages we get are randomly sent and the sender hasn't read the profile. So to reply to those messages, that we hadn't asked for, would be as illogical as replying to spam. I do sympathise with those guys go to a lot of effort to read the profile and compile a personsilsed message, and I appreciate it must get very demoralising to be constantly deleted. We do our best to reply to those who make the effort.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I may come across as arrogant but I only reply to either people im intrested in or people I think I could be friends with. Xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's rude to not reply so I always reply to first messages. No need to continue any conversation after an initial politely worded "no thank you".

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Important to put on your profile that you won't reply to guys who are not.for you. I think that's the best way. If they fail to read your profile it's too bad.

I do not enter dialogue with anyone I don't feel interested in...it's also unfair to raise someone's hopes if they did take a shine to you.

I have found in the past that actually replying and saying 'no thanks' can still encourage a debate so had to stop replying altogether.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's hilarious how many women and couples have a massively (unwarranted) inflated ego.

If men were in short supply and the women and couples were forced to send mails, the forums would be absolutely drowning in indignant wailing "why won't men reply" threads.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

"I think it's hilarious how many women and couples have a massively (unwarranted) inflated ego.

If men were in short supply and the women and couples were forced to send mails, the forums would be absolutely drowning in indignant wailing "why won't men reply" threads.

I choose not to reply to those I'm not interested in nor because I have an inflated ego but because I simply don't like turning people down. It makes me feel icky; I am a natural people pleaser and saying no bluntly is something I struggle with, however politely I may word it. So instead I simply state a no response is a no thanks on my profile.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have got your answer, deleting a message unread means they're probably not interested!

But was it deleted in bulk deleted that what I meant there could it of been by mistake if so you don't know and if you gentleman you do not message again as,already messaged but no reply

I used to bulk delete messages from profiles I wasn't interested in without reading the message, I wouldn't worry about it.

So you apologise for bothering them by bothering them again?

Just delete all your sent mail as soon as its sent so you don't know what the recipient has done with it, you'll either log onto a reply or you won't, simples

Not expecting to get replies when log in if honest I've messaged all ladies in my area willing to meet my age and smoker status as none replied assuming that never will

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is a difficult one and i am not ashamed to say that I've been critical about this very subject before in the past.

Maybe it's an addition the administrators of this site can add at some point in the future. A quick no thanks reply.

My way of thinking and expectations have changed immensely compared to the first 3 months since joining.

I very rarely if at all let things like that bother me anymore. I still send messages to which probably only 10% ever reply back.

It is what it is and it's up to the individual to decide whether or not to reply. I'm lucky to receive 2-5 messages a week, mostly are from men but I still reply back out of politeness.

That's it from me

Yeah, especially at first it can be quite a knock to the old confidence. Joining this site takes a lot for some of us, so when you dont get even a word back? Can be quite disheartening.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it's hilarious how many women and couples have a massively (unwarranted) inflated ego.

If men were in short supply and the women and couples were forced to send mails, the forums would be absolutely drowning in indignant wailing "why won't men reply" threads.

We don't have to reply to anyone.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *llie RoseWoman
over a year ago

By the seaside

"I think it's hilarious how many women and couples have a massively (unwarranted) inflated ego.

If men were in short supply and the women and couples were forced to send mails, the forums would be absolutely drowning in indignant wailing "why won't men reply" threads.

Don't think it's anything to do with egos but more to do with choice and not feeling indebted to respond in certain ways.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think it's rude to not reply so I always reply to first messages. No need to continue any conversation after an initial politely worded "no thank you".

I wondered how you respond to messages that just say something like 'how are you?'. I feel the only way to answer that is by saying 'we're fine thank you'. But if I say that I haven't said 'no', so it opens a conversation I didn't want. How do you deal with that one?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *AA123Couple
over a year ago

Lichfield

"I think it's rude to not reply so I always reply to first messages. No need to continue any conversation after an initial politely worded "no thank you".

Delete Message.

I'm sure they will get over it.

They will be onto the next female in no time.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *awtynNiceCouple
over a year ago

…

We always reply to all messages even if it's a polite no thank you or you really should read profiles. X

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One thing I've noticed since we've been using Fab, is that an awful lot of singles guys expect a reply to their messages even if it's a 'thanks but no thanks' and that 'it costs nothing to be polite'.

And when I do reply to to someone in the negative, what should I say to politely reject?

What do others think should be the etiquette for replying to messages?"

No you shouldn't reply as it's impossible to reply to everyone.

And why should you reply to people who you have no interest in??

Anyone person with any ounce of self respect will understand that a lack of reply usually means the person isn't interested and will not bother you again.

Only desperate sad losers keep hounding you!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it's rude to not reply so I always reply to first messages. No need to continue any conversation after an initial politely worded "no thank you".

When I get a message before I open it I look at thier profile if I like the look of them I the open the message and read it. If I'm still interested I reply. I attually like the "to how are you" messages. Xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *awtynNiceCouple
over a year ago

…

"I think it's rude to not reply so I always reply to first messages. No need to continue any conversation after an initial politely worded "no thank you".

For these we would just say how we are, usually a little frustrated that the profile has not been read and then give a polite no thanks. X

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it's rude to not reply so I always reply to first messages. No need to continue any conversation after an initial politely worded "no thank you".

I reply something like "I'm good thanks, how are you?"

If I don't like their response it's easy enough to give a polite no thanks. Sometimes they come back with an interesting reply and we start a conversation.

Lots of people don't bother wasting time on long mails that will just get deleted/ ignored. They send a quick mail to gauge a reaction.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And when I do reply to to someone in the negative, what should I say to politely reject?

What do others think should be the etiquette for replying to messages?"

I don't think so, I agree if a well written message then maybe, but any reply opens things up for a conversation which you don't want.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eMontresMan
over a year ago

Halesowen

"So, I get a lot of messages that are a simple statement. And I'm not quoting but along the lines of 'I know you're not looking to meet but you're sexy'. Should I respond with a 'sorry, you're not what I'm looking for' when they have pointed out they already know that so weren't asking me to meet them anyway? Or respond with a simple thank you response that in my experience gets their hopes up and leads to further messages from someone I have no interest in? The point I'm making is that not every message invites a simple response. Me responding 'I'm sorry but I'm not interested' to a simple hello seems harsh and unnecessary, plus they may not be interested in me anyway. I'd rather just ignore it."

Nice arse though

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't reply to all messages and I've never felt the need to. Those that obviously haven't read the profile, one word/one line crap and meet now requests just get deleted. If they have read the profile and aren't for us then they get a polite thanks but no thanks, happy fabbing type message. Any comeback from that is ignored. Lost count of the number that get a bit arsey cos I don't reply. Tough. Not my problem. Maybe some should read the FAQ of the site they are on. "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If possible yes,its proper etiquette.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eMontresMan
over a year ago

Halesowen

One of the other sites we're on has a button to click if not interested, and also allows you to customise the standard thanks but no thanks message if you want.

Mind, if they implemented that on Fab, there would be hardly any forum threads to post on

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andi_shopWoman
over a year ago

rotherham

The problem is that even if you reply with a no thanks some people take this as an invite to either

A-keep sending messages maybe even ask why and what can they do to make you say yes

B-send abuse

Usually the latter so it's easier to delete and not reply

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eMontresMan
over a year ago

Halesowen

"If possible yes,its proper etiquette. "

No it isn't - read the FAQ's

Do you reply to all the unsolicited email/flyers/leaflets you get, explaining that your penis is adequate, that it stays hard, you don't need new windows, you already have insurance, etc., etc. Of course you don't. So why would you expect anyone on here to do the same?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When we get message we generally read them all, however if the message is just rude like lot are there deleted and blocked no reply. Some message just have no effort put into them or either copy and pasted. Its comon sense really if you dont get a reply then not intrested

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

not if you want a life outside of fab

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think in an ideal world every message would get replied to, but we don't live in an ideal world lol. I've never got annoyed by not getting a reply to a message I've sent, and it happens alot, there's just no point, it's always nice to get a thanks but no thanks but I'm not going to stomp my feet and sulk if I get nothing as we all know single ladies and couples get 100's of messages. Some people just need to grow up x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *liceandandyCouple
over a year ago

Brighton

Hot topic this one!

Our tuppence worth as follows...

We try to reply to every message, whether it's a 'how r u' text-speak-none-effort or a well written paragraph or two.

The very short school boy written style ones or just plain disrespectful (one today was 'hmmmmm, love that pussy, how bout it babe') get a snarky reply or something like 'weeee iz fine, innit' in reply.

Having been on the other side of it as a single bloke years ago, I always found it a bit disheartening sending out well written messages (I thought they were anyway) and receiving nothing back, so a little 'thanks for your interest, but you're not what we're looking for' doesn't take much.

Unfortunately, you're always going to get some arseholes. Because, let's face it, this world is full of them, but we find most men on here are polite and accept it, appreciate the reply, then move on.

I can understand some people not replying, as it is very time consuming, all this fab-min, but being nice to people is worth the effort if you ask us.

:o)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hot topic this one!

Our tuppence worth as follows...

We try to reply to every message, whether it's a 'how r u' text-speak-none-effort or a well written paragraph or two.

I can understand some people not replying, as it is very time consuming, all this fab-min, but being nice to people is worth the effort if you ask us.

:o)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

We sometimes say 'thank you' in that situation when faced with a simple compliment. After all that's what is done with compliments in normal life. And usually a 'thank you' results in 'your welcome' and that's the end of it. However sometimes it does get people's hopes up and a conversation I never wanted seems to happen. Perhaps you're right it's better to ignore if I don't want to open a can of worms.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do couples reply differently to women tho? I think they can just say "hi" and hit the jackpot.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a guy...and even I don't reply to all messages.

As the OP says, some people clearly haven't bothered to read my profile before they messaged me.....so why would I expect them to read my reply?

People sometimes complain about "time wasters" too.....well someone who messages without reading a profile is a time waster (their time). I don't see the point in wasting even more by replying in the negative.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately, you're always going to get some arseholes. Because, let's face it, this world is full of them, but we find most men on here are polite and accept it, appreciate the reply, then move on."

This is along the lines of my thoughts, though I can understand the issue of time for those receiving so many messages, many inane.

As with other things in life, it's sad when the worst people determine the way in which everybody is treated.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try to reply to everyone. If I'm getting so many messages that it's becoming a bind to say no thank you,I put my filters on. It doesn't take long to say no thank you then block.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If possible yes,its proper etiquette. "

When you say it's proper etiquette, do you mean literally every single message should be replied to? Or just reply to the people who took their time to read the profile and write a personalised message?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is a difficult one and i am not ashamed to say that I've been critical about this very subject before in the past.

Maybe it's an addition the administrators of this site can add at some point in the future. A quick no thanks reply.

My way of thinking and expectations have changed immensely compared to the first 3 months since joining.

I very rarely if at all let things like that bother me anymore. I still send messages to which probably only 10% ever reply back.

It is what it is and it's up to the individual to decide whether or not to reply. I'm lucky to receive 2-5 messages a week, mostly are from men but I still reply back out of politeness.

That's it from me

Wish you lived closer and I was a lot fitter cos I'd send you more than 2 messages a week xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try to reply to messages that I believe are not of the copy / paste or one liner 'fancy a fuk' type.

Sometimes though it simply isn't possible & I bulk delete. Do I feel guilty? Initially yes but a few years down the line, no I don't.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If possible yes,its proper etiquette.

No it isn't - read the FAQ's

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"They wouldn't have time to reply no to all the millions of emails they get, they would be home all day lol.

"
I see so not that many messages and yeah good idea to just reply to the ones you want as well there.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm a guy...and even I don't reply to all messages.

As the OP says, some people clearly haven't bothered to read my profile before they messaged me.....so why would I expect them to read my reply?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's sweet that you do take time to check and msg appropriately but not everyone does the same. I currently have 400 unread msgs. Fuck me id have to be a full time fabber. Unfortunately no I don't reply unless I have a strong interest.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

We do reply to all messages but sometimes it can be a bit painful to be honest.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We do reply to all messages but sometimes it can be a bit painful to be honest."

I hope the senders of the not-so-painful ones appreciate your efforts and observe your wishes. It's nice to think there are those who don't take pride in deleting/ignoring.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ecretDaddy1Man
over a year ago

Leeds

I rarely get a reply back. Had one that told me that they were not interested (And I was grateful that they took the time to reply). I end up finding out that they have deleted my message. Guts me because they seem nice as well but one thing I have learnt from being on here "I am not everyones cup of tea"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *olden RatioWoman
over a year ago

Buckinghamshire

No. Nobody owes me a reply, and, equally, I do not owe anyone a reply.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I normally delete the message I have sent by the end of the day whether it has been read or not, But I sometimes keep a one or two that haven't been read for a day or two then think she probably has had hundreds by then so won't see it anyway

Now do I send another one or has she seen it looked at my profile(now blanked) or move on

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If possible yes,its proper etiquette.

No it isn't - read the FAQ's

The clue was in the words "if possible".

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If possible yes,its proper etiquette.

What I mean is I am a gentleman and if a lady or couple take the time to send a message it is courteous to reply.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I rarely get a reply back. Had one that told me that they were not interested (And I was grateful that they took the time to reply). I end up finding out that they have deleted my message. Guts me because they seem nice as well but one thing I have learnt from being on here "I am not everyones cup of tea"

But it's normal to delete a message after telling someone you are not interested. Otherwise there will be too many messages in the in box. People normally only hold on to messages if they are interested in the sender

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If possible yes,its proper etiquette.

What I mean is I am a gentleman and if a lady or couple take the time to send a message it is courteous to reply."

Multiply that by 200+ and I think your answer might be different.

I'm no less of a lady because I don't reply to one & all.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ustinCredible.Man
over a year ago

whitecross/sankey valley

If somebody messages me or even winks I do tend to at least reply, mainly because I don't really like seeing my messages go unread or deleted without reply. I understand why some do the ignore and delete and don't hold it against them, I just find that personally I would rather say "no thanks but thank you for the message". Its the crazies that then send follow up messages of "but your a single guy how dare you refuse me" ect that annoys me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If somebody messages me or even winks I do tend to at least reply, mainly because I don't really like seeing my messages go unread or deleted without reply. I understand why some do the ignore and delete and don't hold it against them, I just find that personally I would rather say "no thanks but thank you for the message". Its the crazies that then send follow up messages of "but your a single guy how dare you refuse me" ect that annoys me"

How do you find the time?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh bloody hell no, personally I have received messages from men just saying come suck me, why the hell would I want to reply to that ?

As to Women responding, they get a hundred times more mail than I do, why should they respond if the sender hasnt even read their profile / been polite / sent a decent message.

I know women on fab who take a day or two off from answering mail, come back to it and then theres 200+ messages. Answering those personally would take ages, while there would still be more messages coming in. Can fully understand why they just hit delete

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ustinCredible.Man
over a year ago

whitecross/sankey valley

How do you find the time?"

A/ I'm a Single bloke so were talking 1 or 2 a week lol

B/ I type fast

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To the men who think they deserve a reply

do you reply to every email about viagra you get or offers of shares in palm oil?

It's the same thing

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If men that complain about no replies had just received their 37th "up to much?" and their 16th "Mornin'" alongside the 59th "How are you?" I don't think they'd be replying either.

No reply = no thanks, it's perfectly simple.

I don't phone the pizza shop that dropped a flyer in my door to tell them I don't want their pizza either.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

When i was on as a single woman i didnt reply ,unless it was clear someone had taken the time to read my profile.As a couple we do try and take the time to reply,as we don't get aa much mail.Miss

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No because a lot of messages simply aren't worth the effort.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When i was on as a single woman i didnt reply ,unless it was clear someone had taken the time to read my profile.As a couple we do try and take the time to reply,as we don't get aa much mail.Miss"

True just had a look at my couples profile, last message 6 weeks ago! Although we are looking very specifically.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I should say that the message was from someone we're not looking for but he did get a reply as his message construct deserved one.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

Every message MUST be replied to within the 45 minute SLA

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't reply to messages when they clearly haven't read profile x I do try to reply to all others x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I prefer not to get a reply if your not interested, it says the same as a no thanks message. I had a women on here accuse me of lying about my age and was offended because I wasn't, also I thought it was really rude when she doesn't even know me. Being ignored is normal on here

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We tryed replying to all the messages we got when we were new on here but got so much abuse now we just delete the ones we don't want to read ! Xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, you can't tell which ones will take a no thank you well and which ones will either give abuse or follow up with messages asking why.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reply only to those your interested in and block those who offend you.

Them's my only inbox rules.

I've not got time to waste on people i'm not interested in and they would be able to get round the filters i have in place when i have them on (like i do right now).

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rs TootyWoman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

I reply to every mail. If they've taken time to mail, a quick, thanks but no takes seconds.

If you won't meet them, ever, block to prevent repeated contact.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its civil to reply and nice to get closure either way and carry etiquett

being single its difficult to judge the situation

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After sending many messages and getting little or no replies I purposely set up a female account as advised by a woman to understand the female side of it and to see what the problem is that women face.

I must admit that I now totally understand, you ladies get completely bombarded with messages, a lot of rude and crude and downright weird messages, also pics of dicks seem very common!

Having said that about the weirdos and nasty messages I have also seen nice guys putting in the effort to write a nice mannerly message within the boundaries this profile highlighted! I think a lot of guys need to read the damned profiles and be nice and keep their dicks in their pants unless explicitly asked for, but also ladies some guys are actually trying but aren't getting responses.

After engaging in every message I got, I must have replied with over 300 messages I kid you not!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sometimes it impossible to answer all but how do you answer these ...

hi x

fancy a fuck

im free now

how are you

you got me hard

ill bash your back doors in

you will meet me

and more 90% of our messages are like this and then if you don't reply they send another asking why ? and its not just single guys ..so we just delete and only answer those who have read our profile and at least write a decent message

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a guy...and even I don't reply to all messages.

As the OP says, some people clearly haven't bothered to read my profile before they messaged me.....so why would I expect them to read my reply?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

(When visible) I have that on my profile too.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *estlands4Man
over a year ago

Sidmouth

As a male who takes the time to read profiles and write individual messages, so ok sometimes my age works against me, but as a rough guide I'd say I only get a reply to 1 in 10 - most of which appear to be unread - why?

I can write to someone and tick all their requirements yet still get no reply - I do realise it's a numbers thing to a degree but it still doesn't make you feel good about yourself - politeness doesn't hurt - that said I have been know to ignore one liners from men who clearly haven't read my profile as it says I'm straight

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Should be a no thanks response button

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *estlands4Man
over a year ago

Sidmouth

"sometimes it impossible to answer all but how do you answer these ...

hi x

fancy a fuck

im free now

how are you

you got me hard

ill bash your back doors in

you will meet me

Do I not qualify then?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As a male who takes the time to read profiles and write individual messages, so ok sometimes my age works against me, but as a rough guide I'd say I only get a reply to 1 in 10 - most of which appear to be unread - why?

It's a really simple but harsh truth. They're not interested in you and don't want to enter into dialogue with you. They would rather spend their time communicating with those they are interested in

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm just going to throw this out there.

99% of the time any messages we've had from single guys are well thought out.

Most of the time any messages from single women are shit and boring and expect us to jump through hoops and do the chasing.

Very sceptical of women messaging because the majority of the time they are no where near the standard of the single guy messages.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *razedcatMan
over a year ago

London / Herts

Wouldn't an automatic "no" response button be a good idea for profiles?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm just going to throw this out there.

99% of the time any messages we've had from single guys are well thought out.

Most of the time any messages from single women are shit and boring and expect us to jump through hoops and do the chasing.

Very sceptical of women messaging because the majority of the time they are no where near the standard of the single guy messages. "

Hear hear. I guess us single men are partially to blame too because we simply feed the egos of women or couples here who aren't up to bat but still get loads of attention from single men by just offering to open their legs.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Here's a thought. Why not make an automated message reply that one can just click on as a polite "no thank you" to us? Alleviates all the gripes of people moaning about being ignored even with well-thought out messages and whatnot, and yet you won't have to take much more effort than just reading the messages themselves to click on the "send a polite declining message" button below it.

Much better than a flat out delete or a "been read" that never ends up as anything else.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Other sites have the auto reply button, can even customise them to make your own.

To be honest, fab is miles behind other sites for features such as these.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

"I'm just going to throw this out there.

99% of the time any messages we've had from single guys are well thought out.

Most of the time any messages from single women are shit and boring and expect us to jump through hoops and do the chasing.

Very sceptical of women messaging because the majority of the time they are no where near the standard of the single guy messages. "

In my experience 99% all my messages regardless of gender are generally crap the art of conversation seems to be lacking by many

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

"Wouldn't an automatic "no" response button be a good idea for profiles?"

As long as it automatically blocks them at the same time, as currently once you reply they can re message at any given time in the future without a warning message, I've lost count of how many no thanks messages I've sent to the same people over and over, until I started to just block them myself after replying anyway

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Other sites have the auto reply button, can even customise them to make your own.

To be honest, fab is miles behind other sites for features such as these. "

Very true!!! Why didn't anybody suggest adding such a function to Fab all this time?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wouldn't an automatic "no" response button be a good idea for profiles?

Good point

Maybe have it as a tick box as an option.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On a personal note, I always reply to every message. I think if someone's taken the time to message me then the least I can do is acknowledge them. I do however, understanding and accept not everyone is the same and realise single ladies and couples are inundated with messages and simply can't reply to all. If they like the message and look of someone then I'm sure they'll reply. I expect no reply so it's a nice surprise when I receive one. No body on here should think they warrant or expect to get a reply.

"One thing I'noticed since we've been using Fab, is that an awful lot of singles guys expect a reply to their messages even if it's a 'thanks but no thanks' and that 'it costs nothing to be polite'.

And when I do reply to to someone in the negative, what should I say to politely reject?

What do others think should be the etiquette for replying to messages?"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only my messages should be replied to

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *AA123Couple
over a year ago

Lichfield

Thinking of new things to say in reply to How r u? can get challenging

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thinking of new things to say in reply to How r u? can get challenging"

Which is why I've now officially brought up the suggestion of the customisable auto-reply function in the Fab feedback section of the forum.

No need to think of how to reply to lazy people, just click the auto-reply and job done!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

"Thinking of new things to say in reply to How r u? can get challenging

Which is why I've now officially brought up the suggestion of the customisable auto-reply function in the Fab feedback section of the forum.

No need to think of how to reply to lazy people, just click the auto-reply and job done! "

Looking into my crystal ball I predict that is this becomes a real function, instead of people moaning how rude we all are for not replying, we will all be moaned at for being lazy and impersonal by using the function

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thinking of new things to say in reply to How r u? can get challenging

Which is why I've now officially brought up the suggestion of the customisable auto-reply function in the Fab feedback section of the forum.

No need to think of how to reply to lazy people, just click the auto-reply and job done!

Haha, well, in my mind that just makes whoever complains about such things look petty and definitely not the kind you'd want to meet! If the people you auto-reply to are decent at all they'd either 1)understand, or 2)take the chance and assume that you actually did bother to write back to say no thanks.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uvesmuffinCouple
over a year ago

Barking

How do you reply to a one liner please? ??

Ms Muffin

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

"How do you reply to a one liner please? ??

Ms Muffin"

Depends on what one liner it is and my mood at the time

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uvesmuffinCouple
over a year ago

Barking

"How do you reply to a one liner please? ??

Ms Muffin

Depends on what one liner it is and my mood at the time "
just one word kik ? Lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

"How do you reply to a one liner please? ??

Ms Muffin

Depends on what one liner it is and my mood at the time just one word kik ? Lol"

Bend over then

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tried being polite and saying a thanks but no thanks, in a nice way obviously. However, I found it got taken the wrong way and I got some abuse. Some men appreciate it and others just think it's better to have ignored them. Can't win. So now I just don't bother and I ignore and delete. Unless of course the profile seems nicely written and I think the person will not turn into some chav as soon as they receive a no thanks message.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

MzQT, just out of curiousity approximately how many messages do you get a day? I think it's kind of you to try and reply all. In an ideal world I would, but the sheer amount makes it close to impossible.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I...Most of the time any messages from single women are shit and boring and expect us to jump through hoops and do the chasing.

Very sceptical of women messaging because the majority of the time they are no where near the standard of the single guy messages. "
Oops! I am straight but organized a Social in December. I was puzzled by some women's attitude and ther expecations of what I would do for them / favour them! It did feel like lazyness combined with self-entitlement.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you reply to a one liner please? ??

Ms Muffin"

Either protracted sarcasm or delete. Depends on our mood.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uvesmuffinCouple
over a year ago

Barking

"How do you reply to a one liner please? ??

Ms Muffin

Depends on what one liner it is and my mood at the time just one word kik ? Lol

Bend over then

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Simliar to many posters, we look at their profile first and if they dont meet our stated preference then its either a delete or a quote from our profile reminding them why they're unsuitable - depends on our mood.

However we do reply to anyone who does meet all our preferences, even if its with a polite 'thanks but no thanks'.

Also regardless of attraction or suitability, we will also reply with 'thanks but no thanks' if their own profile says something along the lines of 'if we dont reply then not interested' - frankly we find that rude and dont want to know rude people.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *estlands4Man
over a year ago

Sidmouth

"Simliar to many posters, we look at their profile first and if they dont meet our stated preference then its either a delete or a quote from our profile reminding them why they're unsuitable - depends on our mood.

However we do reply to anyone who does meet all our preferences, even if its with a polite 'thanks but no thanks'.

So as a "single guy" it's not worth me messaging you?

I just wish others had your attitude - it can be soul destroying sending messages and getting no response even when you match their needs and profile.... Hey ho onwards and upwards

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I may add another spin on this, those people that either...

Wink you, you wink back, the messaging starts but then they just stop talking.

If we've mentioned something thats put you off, say so.

Or they wink you, you message back but they delete. Why-oh-why ??

In either case, (especially if they've initiated wink/message) dont just suddenly stop. It doesnt hurt to send a final reply like "thanks but we dont think you're what we're looking for after all".

... so SO very rude !!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *piritsonfabCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"This is a difficult one and i am not ashamed to say that I've been critical about this very subject before in the past.

Maybe it's an addition the administrators of this site can add at some point in the future. A quick no thanks reply.

My way of thinking and expectations have changed immensely compared to the first 3 months since joining.

I very rarely if at all let things like that bother me anymore. I still send messages to which probably only 10% ever reply back.

It is what it is and it's up to the individual to decide whether or not to reply. I'm lucky to receive 2-5 messages a week, mostly are from men but I still reply back out of politeness.

That's it from me

You don't respond to winks though? I'd have thought that was a good indication a message from you would be answered.... Or do you do the same thing and only Wink back if interested? Sauce for the goose and all that......

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Agree with the OP I think if you've took the time to read a profile and sent a genuine message then that should be worth a "no thank you"

I don't see the point in having to reply to every single "hi" or "what you doing" though!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread