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"We are starting to visit clubs again but I (male) feel a little left out. (Sometimes). On Fab we can send messages & people know what to expect from our honest profile, in a club environment it's more spontaneous & rules are not established. Now I understand completely my wife is the catch, she's greedy & is also very bi something I will never be, I also know if I was to swing alone I'd be one of the hundreds of single guys asking for advice. I could help myself I'm fussy & condoms are a passion killer, but that doesn't mean I don't want to try. Now before anyone accuses me of being jealous or unhappy all of the time (I'm not) & can be a willing voyeur & happy to watch (esp my wife with another lady who wouldn't? so what's the problem? If I do fancy the woman it very often seems she's either too busy watching her partner with my wife or she is just making a half hearted attempt to make me happy which if the ball was on the other foot would be unacceptable to me. My wife loves to kiss, to suck to completion & will swallow but 90% of the time I'm lucky if I get a lousy wank & a peck on the cheek. I know I can't force the issue but am I wrong to expect the same attention that my wife gives to the lady or her partner? Perhaps she just doesn't fancy me but shouldn't she let that be known before he's all over my wife, maybe we should establish from the off if this is going to be a 3 or a 4 some, maybe I'd be happier if I knew whether I was to watch or be a willing participant. Now this doesn't apply to every meet & in particular anybody that's verified us, this is more a problem in a club. I'm good at pleasuring the ladies in other ways but if I was stimulated enough I could & would enjoy full sexy but happy with soft swap, It just all seems too one sided. In my wife's defence she's often too busy to notice I'm not enjoying myself, it's frustrating cus she will instantly know whether I want to play or watch as she knows my type. Sorry for the long post, I'm sure I'm not the only part of a couple that experiences this any advice please? Thanks. " Tough one as never have experienced this .... I am not into other men generally, and only play with men rarely if the mood strikes me. However for both of us we would be aware of how the other is feeling and not go into anything unless we were both involved to the extent we want to be. This varies but I know Mr always has an eye on how I am doing/feeling and I am the same for him, this is even if we are playing apart in the same club. I wouldn't get involved if the other person wasn't into him ... that's what being a couple is for us. Ours is also a different situation as we are both there for the bi play. | |||
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"If my partner wasn't getting the same satisfaction as me I wouldn't do it any more. I wouldn't enjoy myself knowing he wasn't. " This was what I was thinking. It is completely fine if the other woman in a couple doesn't want to play with Marc, but then I am not interested in playing with the couple. Simple. When playing with another couple, for us, we are either all playing, or not. If things weren't going right for Marc, whether that be because the woman isn't interested or because he isn't, then my attention goes back to him. No questions asked. | |||
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"Speak to your wife and tell her you are not enjoying it.... It is that simple" Yes but she's having a great time & I don't want to spoil her fun. Yes we had a great weekend I played & had a good time but would have liked more. At one time we had no rules & we played with single guys, or at least the wife did, being straight I wasn't getting nearly enough enjoyment so now we nearly always play with couples but that's not without it's problems. Maybe I'm expecting too much & yes we do communicate maybe not enough with the other couples. Whatever happens my wife is fabulous she's incredibly sexy & nothing I get from anybody else will be as good, but she now believes in herself & swinging has improved her self confidence 100% so regardless we won't be giving it up soon!! | |||
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"Speak to your wife and tell her you are not enjoying it.... It is that simple" this.. communication is key, not just before 'starting out' but as and when either one wants to raise something.. seeing her happy OP is all well and good but if she knows your not then she may feel awkward so raise it.. | |||
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"Speak to your wife and tell her you are not enjoying it.... It is that simple Yes but she's having a great time & I don't want to spoil her fun. Yes we had a great weekend I played & had a good time but would have liked more. At one time we had no rules & we played with single guys, or at least the wife did, being straight I wasn't getting nearly enough enjoyment so now we nearly always play with couples but that's not without it's problems. Maybe I'm expecting too much & yes we do communicate maybe not enough with the other couples. Whatever happens my wife is fabulous she's incredibly sexy & nothing I get from anybody else will be as good, but she now believes in herself & swinging has improved her self confidence 100% so regardless we won't be giving it up soon!!" Sounds more to me like she is doing it on her own .... and. you are a spare part. Personally I wouldn't put up with it and I would never do anything like that ... my relationship comes first. Becoming self confident doesn't mean becoming oblivious to the needs of your partner. You do need to communicate with her, OP though, not us here on the forum ... | |||
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"Speak to your wife and tell her you are not enjoying it.... It is that simple Yes but she's having a great time & I don't want to spoil her fun. Yes we had a great weekend I played & had a good time but would have liked more. At one time we had no rules & we played with single guys, or at least the wife did, being straight I wasn't getting nearly enough enjoyment so now we nearly always play with couples but that's not without it's problems. Maybe I'm expecting too much & yes we do communicate maybe not enough with the other couples. Whatever happens my wife is fabulous she's incredibly sexy & nothing I get from anybody else will be as good, but she now believes in herself & swinging has improved her self confidence 100% so regardless we won't be giving it up soon!! Sounds more to me like she is doing it on her own .... and. you are a spare part. Personally I wouldn't put up with it and I would never do anything like that ... my relationship comes first. Becoming self confident doesn't mean becoming oblivious to the needs of your partner. You do need to communicate with her, OP though, not us here on the forum ... "  | |||
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"If my partner wasn't getting the same satisfaction as me I wouldn't do it any more. I wouldn't enjoy myself knowing he wasn't. " It would be a threat to my relationship long term if I knew my oh wasn't happy | |||
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"Sounds like you need to bin her off " What??? Ted don't be insensitive.. | |||
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"Speak to your wife and tell her you are not enjoying it.... It is that simple Yes but she's having a great time & I don't want to spoil her fun. Yes we had a great weekend I played & had a good time but would have liked more. At one time we had no rules & we played with single guys, or at least the wife did, being straight I wasn't getting nearly enough enjoyment so now we nearly always play with couples but that's not without it's problems. Maybe I'm expecting too much & yes we do communicate maybe not enough with the other couples. Whatever happens my wife is fabulous she's incredibly sexy & nothing I get from anybody else will be as good, but she now believes in herself & swinging has improved her self confidence 100% so regardless we won't be giving it up soon!! Sounds more to me like she is doing it on her own .... and. you are a spare part. Personally I wouldn't put up with it and I would never do anything like that ... my relationship comes first. Becoming self confident doesn't mean becoming oblivious to the needs of your partner. You do need to communicate with her, OP though, not us here on the forum ... " | |||
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"Sounds like you need to bin her off What??? Ted don't be insensitive.." I have to ask you guys, do you gal talk to each other in person, or just on the forum? | |||
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"Sounds like you need to bin her off What??? Ted don't be insensitive.. I have to ask you guys, do you gal talk to each other in person, or just on the forum? " Haha we don't live together...were not sitting next to each other whilst being on the forum...otherwise he would be getting lots of slaps lol. Does that answer your question? | |||
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"Sorry to sound harsh but it comes down to you and your wife communicating better. If you are in a club keep one eye on each other. If one of you senses that the other isn't totally happy just stop things there and then. Your relationship is much more important than a quick shag with strangers. " Couldn't agree more. Darcy | |||
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"If my partner wasn't getting the same satisfaction as me I wouldn't do it any more. I wouldn't enjoy myself knowing he wasn't. "
Our rule Of thumb is if one of us are not enjoying ourselves, then none of us do. We both regularly check with each other before, during and after play, whether it be a nod, a wink, a smile or our "code" for "I'm not feeling comfortable" is a double tap.
It is easy to get carried away in the moment when playing. But would highly advise that you discuss some sort of signal with each other to let each other know discreetly your not comfortable or unhappy with something. (Ours is a double tap)
It's vitally important to us that we both enjoy the scene or each situation. In our opinion for that to work takes honest and open communication, with unconditional respect for each other's personal boundaries, as well as our joint ones. | |||
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"Sounds like you need to bin her off What??? Ted don't be insensitive.. I have to ask you guys, do you gal talk to each other in person, or just on the forum? Haha we don't live together...were not sitting next to each other whilst being on the forum...otherwise he would be getting lots of slaps lol. Does that answer your question? " It just always sounds a bit weird. I guess some couples have single accounts they use for the forums so people can tell who is who .... we do, but its always me on the forums, even though I show him some posts, he isn't really interested, too busy ogling the photos ... | |||
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"Sorry to sound harsh but it comes down to you and your wife communicating better. If you are in a club keep one eye on each other. If one of you senses that the other isn't totally happy just stop things there and then. Your relationship is much more important than a quick shag with strangers. " Yes I know this, we have a great relationship & swinging is not affecting this, if anything we're communicating more & becoming more adventurous as far as sex is concerned, so there are loads of positives, & I will keep reiterating I'm not unhappy just a little left out at times. | |||
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"Sounds like you need to bin her off What??? Ted don't be insensitive.. I have to ask you guys, do you gal talk to each other in person, or just on the forum? Haha we don't live together...were not sitting next to each other whilst being on the forum...otherwise he would be getting lots of slaps lol. Does that answer your question? It just always sounds a bit weird. I guess some couples have single accounts they use for the forums so people can tell who is who .... we do, but its always me on the forums, even though I show him some posts, he isn't really interested, too busy ogling the photos ..." Lol the whole forum is weird. Why would we want separate accounts when we're a couple? I have no desire to have a single account as I've no interest in meeting alone..it would be misleading people if I did have one! I always put Darcy so that should give you a clue who's commenting lol. Plus teds rude and I'm not haha!. | |||
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"Sounds like you need to bin her off What??? Ted don't be insensitive.. I have to ask you guys, do you gal talk to each other in person, or just on the forum? Haha we don't live together...were not sitting next to each other whilst being on the forum...otherwise he would be getting lots of slaps lol. Does that answer your question? It just always sounds a bit weird. I guess some couples have single accounts they use for the forums so people can tell who is who .... we do, but its always me on the forums, even though I show him some posts, he isn't really interested, too busy ogling the photos ... Lol the whole forum is weird. Why would we want separate accounts when we're a couple? I have no desire to have a single account as I've no interest in meeting alone..it would be misleading people if I did have one! I always put Darcy so that should give you a clue who's commenting lol. Plus teds rude and I'm not haha!. " I have a single profile and he does too because we do meet alone, me women and him men ... and also because although we do live together and are a couple in real life, we also have our own opinions on things and can have a conversation of our own, on our own ... mine are often controversial, and the most controversial I post from my single profile as its not fair for him to be associated with my _iews. Its just simpler that way. There are lots of couples who have single accounts too, including a good few who use the forums. I'll stop hijacking your there'd now, OP | |||
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"Sounds like you need to bin her off What??? Ted don't be insensitive.. I have to ask you guys, do you gal talk to each other in person, or just on the forum? Haha we don't live together...were not sitting next to each other whilst being on the forum...otherwise he would be getting lots of slaps lol. Does that answer your question? It just always sounds a bit weird. I guess some couples have single accounts they use for the forums so people can tell who is who .... we do, but its always me on the forums, even though I show him some posts, he isn't really interested, too busy ogling the photos ... Lol the whole forum is weird. Why would we want separate accounts when we're a couple? I have no desire to have a single account as I've no interest in meeting alone..it would be misleading people if I did have one! I always put Darcy so that should give you a clue who's commenting lol. Plus teds rude and I'm not haha!. I have a single profile and he does too because we do meet alone, me women and him men ... and also because although we do live together and are a couple in real life, we also have our own opinions on things and can have a conversation of our own, on our own ... mine are often controversial, and the most controversial I post from my single profile as its not fair for him to be associated with my _iews. Its just simpler that way. There are lots of couples who have single accounts too, including a good few who use the forums. I'll stop hijacking your there'd now, OP" Lol each to their own...were fine as we are but thanks for your concern lol | |||
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"I don't really know what to say, I thought I was posting this for the right reasons. My wife's now read the thread, should have shown it to her before posting, sadly she's taken the negative comments literally & thinks she's been slagged off unfairly (I agree) & it has hit a raw nerve. It's good to talk huh?.. It's an open forum but I shall have to be more careful next time. " Perhaps she should focus more on the real issue and less on what strangers think...... | |||
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"I don't really know what to say, I thought I was posting this for the right reasons. My wife's now read the thread, should have shown it to her before posting, sadly she's taken the negative comments literally & thinks she's been slagged off unfairly (I agree) & it has hit a raw nerve. It's good to talk huh?.. It's an open forum but I shall have to be more careful next time. Perhaps she should focus more on the real issue and less on what strangers think......" I agree 
And I didn't think anyone was particularly rude, either. | |||
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"I don't really know what to say, I thought I was posting this for the right reasons. My wife's now read the thread, should have shown it to her before posting, sadly she's taken the negative comments literally & thinks she's been slagged off unfairly (I agree) & it has hit a raw nerve. It's good to talk huh?.. It's an open forum but I shall have to be more careful next time. " Ok then. My advice would be to stop complaining and let her enjoy herself. You can't force women to do more or anything with you, and if you're happy to watch your wife while you get a wank then why ask the question in the first place? | |||
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"I don't really know what to say, I thought I was posting this for the right reasons. My wife's now read the thread, should have shown it to her before posting, sadly she's taken the negative comments literally & thinks she's been slagged off unfairly (I agree) & it has hit a raw nerve. It's good to talk huh?.. It's an open forum but I shall have to be more careful next time. " Most of the comments on the forum were people speaking from their own experience ... about how they would treat their partner, indeed how they do treat their partner. The relationship dynamic you have is yours. Your OP suggested it isn't working for you. I couldn't imagine posting anything like this about my partner ... it would have come up. Hope everything works out for you guys, OP | |||
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"Only once have we experienced a similar situation in a club where the other couple were very sly in pretending to be into the both of us, however once we were all in a room playing they made it oh too clear to me that I wasn't in their sly little plan as they both smothered Mrs Biker, hands all over her! As for me, well whenever I tried to join in one way or another I was almost literally pushed away!! As soon as my Mrs noticed this (which wasn't long) she sat up and pushed them both away, came over to me and gave me a big reassuring kiss! We then put our clothes back on and walked out, leaving the other couple laying on the bed looking very sheepish indeed, they knew exactly what they had done!! What I'm saying is that, in our opinion, your partner should be checking on you to make sure your ok and vice versa. You really shouldn't be feeling this way I'm afraid. If swinging isn't fun or is making you feel bad in any way you really should reconsider continuing x "Bloody well done | |||
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V xxx
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