FabSwingers.com forum: A question, mainly for the single ladies really

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

But i am sure that a lot of people will have an opinion.

This is mainly about my situation, but could be taken as a general question about trust in this day and age.

Due to fighting with depression over the last couple of years i now find myself with some hopefully short term financial problems. This means i cannot get out and about as much as i would like, also means no car for a while. when i say money problems i mean that i have absolutely no disposable income, even to the extent that a drink in a pub is beyond my financial reach at the moment.

So this means that i cannot meet in bars, pubs, or coffee shops as a prelude to a possible home visit.

Now i can accommodate as i live alone, but also means i am finding it hard to meet single ladies.

So question is, would you as a single woman be prepared to meet someone like myself at my place. I will say that i am a true gentleman and not one to lose it if there is no possibility of play. I would also not expect to meet straight away, but would take time messaging and chatting, including skype or phone calls.

Can you ladies read what someone is like from messages and phone calls etc.

Fully expect to be shot down in flames over this, but i am an adult about this and everyone is entitled to an opinion.

(ducks and covers)

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I hope your situation improves and you get to meet people from the site

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perfectly reasonable question and I'm sure there are lots of women who would happily meet at your place after several weeks maybe of contact.

Personally I wouldn't go to a strangers house alone

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I hope your situation improves and you get to meet people from the site

I have met people in the past so i am by no means a newbie. I have had one or two ladies trust me enough to meet without a social first. I was just curious as to how others felt about this.

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By *iscean MaleMan
over a year ago

Darlaston

I am sure there are women and men who dont look at the wallet when meeting someone.

Good luck matey

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Perfectly reasonable question and I'm sure there are lots of women who would happily meet at your place after several weeks maybe of contact.

Personally I wouldn't go to a strangers house alone

Bring a friend, i am flexible,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Perfectly reasonable question and I'm sure there are lots of women who would happily meet at your place after several weeks maybe of contact.

Personally I wouldn't go to a strangers house alone

Bring a friend, i am flexible,

Haha well that could work!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Perfectly reasonable question and I'm sure there are lots of women who would happily meet at your place after several weeks maybe of contact.

Personally I wouldn't go to a strangers house alone

Bring a friend, i am flexible,

Haha well that could work!"

Its easier with couples as there is protection for the lady, but even couples these days seem to demand a social first. I am looking for a FWB for a longer term relationship, but this is really a hurdle at the moment.

I am patient, i mean i did 10 years with out sex a while back, hence the monk nickname, but just thought i would throw this out there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear about your situation hope it improves for you soon.

Regards your question, I wouldn't feel comfortable meeting someone for the first time at their home, even if there has been a lot of contact on here.

Having been in financial difficulties myself I would understand the situation, but would ask for something free as a social like a walk and chat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How about a social that doesn't involve spending any money. You could meet in the park for example and have a walk/talk ?

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sorry to hear about your situation hope it improves for you soon.

Regards your question, I wouldn't feel comfortable meeting someone for the first time at their home, even if there has been a lot of contact on here.

Having been in financial difficulties myself I would understand the situation, but would ask for something free as a social like a walk and chat. "

I am hoping that might be an idea once the weather warms up a little more.

Love a nice walk myself, and do need to get more miles on the legs, lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also, hope you get back on track and things become easier for you soon.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Also, hope you get back on track and things become easier for you soon.

Good luck."

Thank you, i am getting there, CBT last year and things are better. Just need that pay rise asap, lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

nice weather is about now, you could offer to meet in public places near you that are nice. like the park or something?

doubt i would go to a guys house unless i'd met him already or been chatting to him for a while.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

good luck op a great post x

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I understand your predicament and hope it sorts itself soon.

However, I once spent weeks getting to know someone on here and thought I could trust him for a social meet at mine.

How wrong I was!

Long story short, I had to ask him to leave and thankfully he did - put me off meeting for months.

So no, I would not feel comfortable meeting at someone else's home for a first meet, but that is just me and my experience x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I understand your predicament and hope it sorts itself soon.

However, I once spent weeks getting to know someone on here and thought I could trust him for a social meet at mine.

How wrong I was!

Long story short, I had to ask him to leave and thankfully he did - put me off meeting for months.

So no, I would not feel comfortable meeting at someone else's home for a first meet, but that is just me and my experience x"

Nasty experience and i am glad you did not let it colour your outlook on FAB.

I am adult enough to understand and respect ladies choices but thought i would ask the question as i think its interesting seeing other peoples opinions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have met a gentleman before at his but he was verified and by a good friend of mine so I felt comfortable doing so,but I wouldn't do it if he hadn't been. As for socials I'm always happy to splash for a coffee I'm a modern gal after all! Financial worrys are awful I went through a period of worrying over money when I split from my husband and its hard whenbi have 2 kids to look after but I'm not really a materialistic person and soon got back on track! Hope things get better for you soon x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't feel comfortable meeting anyone for the first time at their home.

So in your situation I'd rather still meet somewhere in public - but it could be something free like a quick mooch round the park or a wander round a free museum or gallery (I have done both of these and they were fun

)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

9 times out of 10 I won't find the guy attractive in the flesh or there won't be any kind of spark that would make me want to meet him for anything sexual, for that reason I would never go to someone's home without being certain about them.

With regards to your financial situation maybe contact step change it's the old consumer credit counselling service who I used to work alongside when I worked for DWP. If you have debt or creditors demanding more money than you can afford to pay they can work with you to lower the amount you have to pay out and keep the threat of ccj's and bailiffs etc from hassling you. They'll also give you the forms you need to do an income and expenditure form so you can see how you can manage your money. If you're employed and working over 30 hours and you're over 25 you may be able to claim some working tax credit if you're on a low income.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

I would not go to your house, I would buy you a drink and get to know you first.

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

As someone else has stated, if I felt I really got on with someone and wanted to meet them and they were honest with me about their financial situation, I'd have no qualms about springing for the bill whether it be for a few coffee/wine's in order to get to know them face to face.

I earn my own money and have disposable income, so sometimes men need to be able to let go of the men are men attitudes and go with the flow if that works for everyone involved

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"9 times out of 10 I won't find the guy attractive in the flesh or there won't be any kind of spark that would make me want to meet him for anything sexual, for that reason I would never go to someone's home without being certain about them.

I have had meets where i have been at someones, and they said nothing was going to happen as there was no "spark" which of course i totally respected. mature enough not to chuck toys from the pram if there is no sex on offer.

Thank you for the money advice, i am currently looking into these ideas. my financial problems should be short term once i get a pay rise, which once i improve my attendance at work will happen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As someone else has stated, if I felt I really got on with someone and wanted to meet them and they were honest with me about their financial situation, I'd have no qualms about springing for the bill whether it be for a few coffee/wine's in order to get to know them face to face.

I earn my own money and have disposable income, so sometimes men need to be able to let go of the men are men attitudes and go with the flow if that works for everyone involved

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would not go to your house, I would buy you a drink and get to know you first."

thats where being a gentleman gets in the way mentally. brought up proper so i buy the drinks or at least go dutch, also ladies always cum first..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not all women are bothered by a man's income. You sound like a decent bloke who's been through a hard time. I personally would rather invite you to my place on a first meeting if I feel comfortable. I make good coffee too and even throw in a biscuit sometimes. Hopefully you will get to meet some compatible people and enjoy some fun. All the best

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Not all women are bothered by a man's income. You sound like a decent bloke who's been through a hard time. I personally would rather invite you to my place on a first meeting if I feel comfortable. I make good coffee too and even throw in a biscuit sometimes. Hopefully you will get to meet some compatible people and enjoy some fun. All the best

Thats the other problem with lack of cash. i have no car at the moment, lost company car when i was made redundant back in 2008 so i am limited to trains etc, and god are they expensive and inflexiable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I understand your predicament and hope it sorts itself soon.

However, I once spent weeks getting to know someone on here and thought I could trust him for a social meet at mine.

How wrong I was!

Long story short, I had to ask him to leave and thankfully he did - put me off meeting for months.

So no, I would not feel comfortable meeting at someone else's home for a first meet, but that is just me and my experience x"

I've unfortunately had a similar experience so insist on a social first.

Could you meet somewhere near you that's free - may sound crazy but lots of museums are.

It's horrid when your finances are very tight, hope it gets better for you soon.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I understand your predicament and hope it sorts itself soon.

However, I once spent weeks getting to know someone on here and thought I could trust him for a social meet at mine.

How wrong I was!

Long story short, I had to ask him to leave and thankfully he did - put me off meeting for months.

So no, I would not feel comfortable meeting at someone else's home for a first meet, but that is just me and my experience x

I've unfortunately had a similar experience so insist on a social first.

Could you meet somewhere near you that's free - may sound crazy but lots of museums are.

It's horrid when your finances are very tight, hope it gets better for you soon.

there is the Haslemere educational museum, but they like a donation. This is banker country so everywhere close charges silly prices including the pubs.

There are some nice places to walk close by, but as we have no bloody buses really its still a right pain to get anywhere.

I would get a bike and use that, but it tends to be frowned upon at the local dogging spots..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No offence op and I do hope your situation changes but would the fee you pay to be a gold member not be best being put towards buying a coffee or bus fares so you could meet someone for a social? If once your talking to someone you could forfeit the membership just to give u that little bit of extra cash

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry didn't see the comment reference no buses

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"No offence op and I do hope your situation changes but would the fee you pay to be a gold member not be best being put towards buying a coffee or bus fares so you could meet someone for a social? If once your talking to someone you could forfeit the membership just to give u that little bit of extra cash"

Good point really, but since FAB is such a great place i do feel i should contribute a little to its upkeep. also i do like to see who has been looking at me, although i think maybe reducing it to silver would be a sensible option.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Social meets don't have to involve pubs or cafes. What about a park or beach if they're reachable by foot? I've met people and gone walking before going to theirs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope your situation improves ... I am sure a lot of people won't look at ur financial situation...

I am actually a little different from the others here by the looks of things and if I was comfortable with someone I would go to their house on a first meet; not like I haven't before.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Social meets don't have to involve pubs or cafes. What about a park or beach if they're reachable by foot? I've met people and gone walking before going to theirs. "

Most nice places round here are not really accessible on foot. the perils of living in the south, everyone is expected to have cars, and in my town 4x4's lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've met quite a few men in their homes. I prefer that to be honest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

£5 every 60 days,or whatever it is now isn't going to make much difference.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Firstly. I hope your situation improves soon, secondly is there anything near you that free? A walk somewhere or something? Not everyone requires money spending. As a single F I wouldn't feel comfortable turning up to a house so would want a social first. Everyone is different though. Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you all for the advice and good wishes. Lets hope the weather stays warm so i can get out in the fresh air.

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By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

If you explained and I wanted to meet you I would offer to buy you a drink if a social was right first. Not an issue. Hope your situation and depression turns around x

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

Hope your situtation improves very soon

I only first meet in clubs and once I get to know someone and trust them, I will then meet them in their home

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By *lighty1Woman
over a year ago

You Dont Need to Know, right now

I'm another one who wouldn't go to a guy's house for a first meet. However, I would buy you a coffee or a beer, if there is somewhere in walking distance of you. You say you don't like women to pay for you, but you really need to put that into perspective. Let the lady buy the first time, and you can buy another time, when you've got your finances back on track.

If you insist that a first meet has to be at your place, you will be limiting the number of women who are willing to meet you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reading through all of this firstly I hope things work out for your OP but also it's great to see everyone being so supportive and not just expecting the male to be the money tree all the time when people's situation are different

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By *ublicmenaceWoman
over a year ago

portsmouth

I happen to know kuulmonk very well, he is very much a gentleman who knows his boundrys, non pushy, chatty, very funny ( funny haha that is) guy. When it comes to ladies he is an old fashioned gentalman who would be very unhappy at anything other than totally looking after the lady. I also know the area he lives in ( I will resist the urge to say -I know where you live, in a menacing tone

) . There really is nothing of interest in his area and unless your sir Edmund Hilary you really don't want to try the going for walks thing

and as for public transport well think it would be easier to catch a camel in outer mongolia quite honestly and cheaper.He is one of the very few people in this world that I actually trust.

As for the fab gold/siver membership well even in severe financial difficulties and especially when suffering depression I feel it is very important to treat ones self (even with something small) otherwise quite honestly life becomes not worth living and unbearable. Let's face it the fab fee is only really likely to get you half a stop by train and a glass of ice for both you and your date ( please refer back to the kuulmonk being a gentalman bit) and in his current financial state he is unable to go out and find another type of life anywhere else.

But back to the original question that all said, no sadly I wouldn't normaly go to a meets house on a first date either.

Please note I am a real person and not a computer generated fanfabber and can often be found in one of the chatrooms wreaking absolute havok, feel free to come find me and I might even be able to get hold of an embarrassing pic of him in tank top and flairs to give you a giggle

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I happen to know kuulmonk very well, he is very much a gentleman who knows his boundrys, non pushy, chatty, very funny ( funny haha that is) guy. When it comes to ladies he is an old fashioned gentalman who would be very unhappy at anything other than totally looking after the lady. I also know the area he lives in ( I will resist the urge to say -I know where you live, in a menacing tone

) . There really is nothing of interest in his area and unless your sir Edmund Hilary you really don't want to try the going for walks thing

and as for public transport well think it would be easier to catch a camel in outer mongolia quite honestly and cheaper.He is one of the very few people in this world that I actually trust.

But back to the original question that all said, no sadly I wouldn't normaly go to a meets house on a first date either.

Oi i gave you that in strictest confidence. You share that one and i will share the one with the wet celery and flying goggles.

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By *aucy tiggerWoman
over a year ago

Back where I belong

Personally I like to message first, then meet in a public place for a social. What about meeting in a local park? During the summer you could offer a picnic xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Personally I like to message first, then meet in a public place for a social. What about meeting in a local park? During the summer you could offer a picnic xx"

Champagne and strawberries mmmmmm. Oops expensive tastes showing there. Do like a bed picnic now and then though, they are really fun.

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By *ogerNesszonesMan
over a year ago

Northern England

Heartwarming. And it restores ones faith in the site to see that there are some lovely people on here.

All the very best to you OP. May I join everyone else in sincerely wishing you all the very best.

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

There is absolutely no chance in hell of me going to someone's place for sex if I've not met them in public first.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't meet at someone's house who i hadnt met socially or at a club first, purely from a safety aspect.

I agree with comments above, I dont know where you live at all, but I'd happily meet for walks , a picnic in the park etc and being a lady I'm always happy to shout a coffee or beer.

Good luck and I hope things improve for you

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