FabSwingers.com forum: Messaging after a meet

By *irty Girty From No 30 OP Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

Ladies and gents, your thoughts please if I may.

Ive been chatting to a female friend off mine on here, we are both very different characters, I tend to go out and seek men, she tends to wait until men seek her.

Anyway, we were discussing meets, and if a meet felt successful who should message who first.

My response was if you enjoyed and had a good time then message them, she says no if they are interested the man will message first.

Now i personally find this a bit prehistoric, we no longer live in a society where the man does all the running/makes all the first moves, i even think men are a little flattered when the lady messages first.

So, should ladies wait for men to message? Or should ladies jump in and message first?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Either/or. As you said, its dependant on personality!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thinking back on my experiences, it's been about 50/50 who has messaged first after a meet and who has left the verification first. I'm quite happy with it that way.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irty Girty From No 30 OP Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

"Either/or. As you said, its dependant on personality!

Ok, so what if lady don't message because she thinks man should do all running, and man don't message because he doesn't want to be viewed as a pushy male on the site, in that scenario what advice would you give

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

There isn't a hard and fast rule. If I've had a great meet and we got on well I will message afterwards. If he doesn't reply then I know he didn't enjoy it. If I've had a shit meet (it happens) then I won't bother messaging. If he then messages me I'll thank him for the meet then hopefully never hear from him again

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ruby woo I bet you have many men message u

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irty Girty From No 30 OP Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

"Thinking back on my experiences, it's been about 50/50 who has messaged first after a meet and who has left the verification first. I'm quite happy with it that way. "

I generally message men first, they generally verify first.

I just know if i like a man enough i'll tell him, i figure nothing to lose everything to gain (a sexy round 2)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We wouldnt wait we would always send a message first thanking them just out of politeness

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Either/or. As you said, its dependant on personality!

Then they ain't gonna meet again.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thinking back on my experiences, it's been about 50/50 who has messaged first after a meet and who has left the verification first. I'm quite happy with it that way.

I generally message men first, they generally verify first.

I just know if i like a man enough i'll tell him, i figure nothing to lose everything to gain (a sexy round 2)"

Completely agree

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irty Girty From No 30 OP Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

"Either/or. As you said, its dependant on personality!

Then they ain't gonna meet again."

Correct

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irty Girty From No 30 OP Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

Any men's thoughts on this? do you believe men should be first to message, or do men like lady to message first?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well I message a lot of women first some come back but truly if a girl has found a guy she wants in bed maybe she should start rings off

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I message a lot of women first some come back but truly if a girl has found a guy she wants in bed maybe she should start rings off"

But if a guy u like is a year younger than u like would u consider breaking your own rules and taking that risk

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irty Girty From No 30 OP Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

"Well I message a lot of women first some come back but truly if a girl has found a guy she wants in bed maybe she should start rings off

But if a guy u like is a year younger than u like would u consider breaking your own rules and taking that risk "

I'm sure plenty breaks rules, however that is not the debate on this thread

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well I'm not sure I fit into this debate as part of a couple, but we just check our phones when we get home and if the other person hasn't messaged we do, just to say thanks and all that.

I've never thought about who "should" write first. It's sex not a date.

-Courtney

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

"Thinking back on my experiences, it's been about 50/50 who has messaged first after a meet and who has left the verification first. I'm quite happy with it that way.

I generally message men first, they generally verify first.

I just know if i like a man enough i'll tell him, i figure nothing to lose everything to gain (a sexy round 2)"

This exactly. And on the whole I have gained more than I've lost by approaching things this way. A momentary smart of wounded pride if he turns you down versus wondering how he feels for ages? The former is far better; like ripping a plaster off quickly.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irty Girty From No 30 OP Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

"Thinking back on my experiences, it's been about 50/50 who has messaged first after a meet and who has left the verification first. I'm quite happy with it that way.

I generally message men first, they generally verify first.

I just know if i like a man enough i'll tell him, i figure nothing to lose everything to gain (a sexy round 2)

same here, Ive had many a remeet by instigating the messages after a first meet

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irty Girty From No 30 OP Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

"Well I'm not sure I fit into this debate as part of a couple, but we just check our phones when we get home and if the other person hasn't messaged we do, just to say thanks and all that.

I've never thought about who "should" write first. It's sex not a date.

-Courtney "

Out of curiosity, what are Marcs thoughts on this, lots ladies commenting would be good to hear a mans opinion

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

"Well I'm not sure I fit into this debate as part of a couple, but we just check our phones when we get home and if the other person hasn't messaged we do, just to say thanks and all that.

I've never thought about who "should" write first. It's sex not a date.

-Courtney "

Exactly this

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lanwoodMan
over a year ago

Alton

On a recent meet I had, it so happened that we both sent a message at the same time. So, as I sent mine, the lady's message was just then arriving for me to read. The sign of a perfect meet perhaps.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irty Girty From No 30 OP Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

"On a recent meet I had, it so happened that we both sent a message at the same time. So, as I sent mine, the lady's message was just then arriving for me to read. The sign of a perfect meet perhaps."

yes perhaps, but do you believe the man should message first, or do you like it when a lady messages first

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Actually the last few times I have met it's been the guy who has messaged first. But that's not me waiting for them. I have no patience for that, if I want to message them I do

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irty Girty From No 30 OP Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

"Actually the last few times I have met it's been the guy who has messaged first. But that's not me waiting for them. I have no patience for that, if I want to message them I do"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irty Girty From No 30 OP Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

"Actually the last few times I have met it's been the guy who has messaged first. But that's not me waiting for them. I have no patience for that, if I want to message them I do"

what about previous to those 3 times, were you the first to message?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Actually the last few times I have met it's been the guy who has messaged first. But that's not me waiting for them. I have no patience for that, if I want to message them I do

what about previous to those 3 times, were you the first to message?"

what 3 times?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For us it doesn't matter who messages first , sometimes it's us , sometimes it's the meet .

Sometimes we forget after a party and message after we get a veri , saying thanks and verify back .

Other times ( and more often of late ) we say at the time that there is no need to message again unless it's to arrange another meet ( couples only as we prefer to meet guys just the once )

As others have mentioned , it's just for fun and not dating as such .

The three f's come to mind sometimes

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After a social meet, I'll message thanking them for the drink/coffee/lunch.

But usually I've either agreed or declined to meet for a second time.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irty Girty From No 30 OP Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

"Actually the last few times I have met it's been the guy who has messaged first. But that's not me waiting for them. I have no patience for that, if I want to message them I do

what about previous to those 3 times, were you the first to message?

what 3 times?

my error I read few as 3

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irty Girty From No 30 OP Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

"For us it doesn't matter who messages first , sometimes it's us , sometimes it's the meet .

Sometimes we forget after a party and message after we get a veri , saying thanks and verify back .

Other times ( and more often of late ) we say at the time that there is no need to message again unless it's to arrange another meet ( couples only as we prefer to meet guys just the once )

As others have mentioned , it's just for fun and not dating as such .

The three f's come to mind sometimes

messaging someone isn't dating

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irty Girty From No 30 OP Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

"After a social meet, I'll message thanking them for the drink/coffee/lunch.

But usually I've either agreed or declined to meet for a second time.

I'm the same at social meets, I'm talking more after a first play meet

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Actually the last few times I have met it's been the guy who has messaged first. But that's not me waiting for them. I have no patience for that, if I want to message them I do

what about previous to those 3 times, were you the first to message?

what 3 times?

my error I read few as 3

Ha that's okay, I was lost! As I said I message if I want to

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman
over a year ago

stourbridge area

I think ... a simple thankyou for an enjoyable meet ...

Manners cost nothing ...

Then see how it goes from there ....

If it went really badly ... just block

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irty Girty From No 30 OP Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

"I think ... a simple thankyou for an enjoyable meet ...

Manners cost nothing ...

Then see how it goes from there ....

If it went really badly ... just block

agree, but would you sit around waiting for the an to message or would you drop him a quick thank you note

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tillup4funMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

"Any men's thoughts on this? do you believe men should be first to message, or do men like lady to message first?"

I always send a thank you message after a meet

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lanwoodMan
over a year ago

Alton

"On a recent meet I had, it so happened that we both sent a message at the same time. So, as I sent mine, the lady's message was just then arriving for me to read. The sign of a perfect meet perhaps.

yes perhaps, but do you believe the man should message first, or do you like it when a lady messages first"

I would try to message first, as I think it is chivalrous to do so. But I dont think it matters provided both parties send something polite.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irty Girty From No 30 OP Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

"On a recent meet I had, it so happened that we both sent a message at the same time. So, as I sent mine, the lady's message was just then arriving for me to read. The sign of a perfect meet perhaps.

yes perhaps, but do you believe the man should message first, or do you like it when a lady messages first

I would try to message first, as I think it is chivalrous to do so. But I dont think it matters provided both parties send something polite."

chivalry is well and good, but how would you feel in terms of politeness, if it wasn't received both ways after the meet?

with regards to messaging in general, do you like it when a lady messages you first?

As a man do you ever feel pushy when messaging a female?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I'm not sure I fit into this debate as part of a couple, but we just check our phones when we get home and if the other person hasn't messaged we do, just to say thanks and all that.

I've never thought about who "should" write first. It's sex not a date.

-Courtney

Out of curiosity, what are Marcs thoughts on this, lots ladies commenting would be good to hear a mans opinion"

I asked him what he would think if he were meeting alone. His thoughts:

"I wouldn't be shy at all about messaging first but I would be really happy if a woman took the initiative and messaged first."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lanwoodMan
over a year ago

Alton

"On a recent meet I had, it so happened that we both sent a message at the same time. So, as I sent mine, the lady's message was just then arriving for me to read. The sign of a perfect meet perhaps.

yes perhaps, but do you believe the man should message first, or do you like it when a lady messages first

I would try to message first, as I think it is chivalrous to do so. But I dont think it matters provided both parties send something polite.

chivalry is well and good, but how would you feel in terms of politeness, if it wasn't received both ways after the meet?

with regards to messaging in general, do you like it when a lady messages you first?

As a man do you ever feel pushy when messaging a female?"

I would be extremely disappointed if I sent a message after a meet and didn't get a response.

In general, I would love to receive a message first from a woman or couple, but it has never happened so far, and I don't expect it in the future.

I don't feel pushy messaging first as I try to come across as non pushy in what I write. I often find messages are read but immediately deleted. If so, I move on and try not to stress about it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irty Girty From No 30 OP Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

"Well I'm not sure I fit into this debate as part of a couple, but we just check our phones when we get home and if the other person hasn't messaged we do, just to say thanks and all that.

I've never thought about who "should" write first. It's sex not a date.

-Courtney

Out of curiosity, what are Marcs thoughts on this, lots ladies commenting would be good to hear a mans opinion

I asked him what he would think if he were meeting alone. His thoughts:

"I wouldn't be shy at all about messaging first but I would be really happy if a woman took the initiative and messaged first.""

that's my general thoughts that men would be happy that woman messaged first

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irty Girty From No 30 OP Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

ok, another question, this one for the men (males of couples feel free to respond)

If, after a play meet, the woman messaged you first, would you see that as a woman hassling you?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lanwoodMan
over a year ago

Alton

"ok, another question, this one for the men (males of couples feel free to respond)

If, after a play meet, the woman messaged you first, would you see that as a woman hassling you?"

No.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irty Girty From No 30 OP Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

"ok, another question, this one for the men (males of couples feel free to respond)

If, after a play meet, the woman messaged you first, would you see that as a woman hassling you?

No."

ok, say you did not want to meet the woman again, would you then see it as hassling

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the reason many women don't text back is could be they might be married lol, but yeah its hard to know who should text back, as you don't wanna seen like full on.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irty Girty From No 30 OP Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

"I think the reason many women don't text back is could be they might be married lol, but yeah its hard to know who should text back, as you don't wanna seen like full on."

so you would feel like you are hassling woman/feel full on if you messaged her first after meeting?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lanwoodMan
over a year ago

Alton

"ok, another question, this one for the men (males of couples feel free to respond)

If, after a play meet, the woman messaged you first, would you see that as a woman hassling you?

No.

ok, say you did not want to meet the woman again, would you then see it as hassling"

No. It isn't hassling to receive one message after a meet. If I received several, then that would be hassling but, by then, I might well say thanks but no thanks. And there is always the block button to fall back on.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think the reason many women don't text back is could be they might be married lol, but yeah its hard to know who should text back, as you don't wanna seen like full on.

so you would feel like you are hassling woman/feel full on if you messaged her first after meeting?"
Yes I kinda do, well it depends who I meet and how they are as well, although keeping it as a one off aint to bad either you know.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irty Girty From No 30 OP Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

"I think the reason many women don't text back is could be they might be married lol, but yeah its hard to know who should text back, as you don't wanna seen like full on.

so you would feel like you are hassling woman/feel full on if you messaged her first after meeting?Yes I kinda do, well it depends who I meet and how they are as well, although keeping it as a one off aint to bad either you know."

one offs are ones you have no desire to meet again thus no need to message them

I'm talking about a successful meet that you enjoyed, would you feel like a woman was hassling you if she messaged first after that meet

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irty Girty From No 30 OP Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

"ok, another question, this one for the men (males of couples feel free to respond)

If, after a play meet, the woman messaged you first, would you see that as a woman hassling you?

No.

ok, say you did not want to meet the woman again, would you then see it as hassling

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For us it doesn't matter who messages first , sometimes it's us , sometimes it's the meet .

Sometimes we forget after a party and message after we get a veri , saying thanks and verify back .

Other times ( and more often of late ) we say at the time that there is no need to message again unless it's to arrange another meet ( couples only as we prefer to meet guys just the once )

As others have mentioned , it's just for fun and not dating as such .

The three f's come to mind sometimes

messaging someone isn't dating

Well that entirely depends on the motive when messaging doesn't it ?

To use your words , if the meet went well in your eyes , a second meet would be nice .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *D40Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

We always message after we've had a social meet if we are interested, that is of course it wasn't blatantly obvious to the other couple we met that we liked them....

You don't need to be pushy if you are a single male. Just say i really enjoyed your company, if you want to take it up another level then please let me know when you are free... & leave it at that.

Simple i would have thought

Mrs WD40

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irty Girty From No 30 OP Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

"For us it doesn't matter who messages first , sometimes it's us , sometimes it's the meet .

Sometimes we forget after a party and message after we get a veri , saying thanks and verify back .

Other times ( and more often of late ) we say at the time that there is no need to message again unless it's to arrange another meet ( couples only as we prefer to meet guys just the once )

As others have mentioned , it's just for fun and not dating as such .

The three f's come to mind sometimes

messaging someone isn't dating

Well that entirely depends on the motive when messaging doesn't it ?

To use your words , if the meet went well in your eyes , a second meet would be nice .

"
which also had "2nd sexy meet" so don't try twist or play on words, the thread not about dating at all

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"ok, another question, this one for the men (males of couples feel free to respond)

If, after a play meet, the woman messaged you first, would you see that as a woman hassling you?

No.

ok, say you did not want to meet the woman again, would you then see it as hassling

fully agree, one message after a meet to say had a good time is acceptable, a person can generate how a conversation goes from that point upon receiving a reply, and no reply one could assume they saw it as one off, so move on to next guy, no wondering oh did he like or not stuff"
That is right as it depends how the convo goes after the meet if any, but yeah I think the after meet etiquette is one of the hardest to crack.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irty Girty From No 30 OP Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

"Thinking back on my experiences, it's been about 50/50 who has messaged first after a meet and who has left the verification first. I'm quite happy with it that way.

I generally message men first, they generally verify first.

I just know if i like a man enough i'll tell him, i figure nothing to lose everything to gain (a sexy round 2)"
Not sure where the dating is refered to

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is it not the case of does it make any difference who sends the first message? But since we're talking fab swingers then just maybe if a bloke gets a message from a woman first then I guess it shows some intent where in a man's case he like me lives in hope he gets a reply to his first message.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For us it doesn't matter who messages first , sometimes it's us , sometimes it's the meet .

Sometimes we forget after a party and message after we get a veri , saying thanks and verify back .

Other times ( and more often of late ) we say at the time that there is no need to message again unless it's to arrange another meet ( couples only as we prefer to meet guys just the once )

As others have mentioned , it's just for fun and not dating as such .

The three f's come to mind sometimes

messaging someone isn't dating

Well that entirely depends on the motive when messaging doesn't it ?

To use your words , if the meet went well in your eyes , a second meet would be nice .

which also had "2nd sexy meet" so don't try twist or play on words, the thread not about dating at all"

Again to use your analogy , would a woman messaging a guy first after a meet seem like hassling ?

To some it would as they may just want a one off .

And some prefer to just meet once as previous experiences may have caused them to be wary of clingy behaviour .

I would point out here that it wasn't me who first cited dating on this thread , but if you want to take your angst out on me that's fine .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I'm not sure I fit into this debate as part of a couple, but we just check our phones when we get home and if the other person hasn't messaged we do, just to say thanks and all that.

I've never thought about who "should" write first. It's sex not a date.

-Courtney

Exactly this

Right here , but I guess you missed this ?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irty Girty From No 30 OP Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

"For us it doesn't matter who messages first , sometimes it's us , sometimes it's the meet .

Sometimes we forget after a party and message after we get a veri , saying thanks and verify back .

Other times ( and more often of late ) we say at the time that there is no need to message again unless it's to arrange another meet ( couples only as we prefer to meet guys just the once )

As others have mentioned , it's just for fun and not dating as such .

The three f's come to mind sometimes

messaging someone isn't dating

Well that entirely depends on the motive when messaging doesn't it ?

To use your words , if the meet went well in your eyes , a second meet would be nice .

which also had "2nd sexy meet" so don't try twist or play on words, the thread not about dating at all

Again to use your analogy , would a woman messaging a guy first after a meet seem like hassling ?

To some it would as they may just want a one off .

And some prefer to just meet once as previous experiences may have caused them to be wary of clingy behaviour .

I would point out here that it wasn't me who first cited dating on this thread , but if you want to take your angst out on me that's fine .

I get your point about one offs, I have had plenty, equally I wouldn't feel hassled if a one off messaged after a meet to say thanks for a good time, if they repeatly messaged then that may feel like hassling

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I usually message first after a meet, even if its not gone well as i see it as being polite.

Would be nice to recieve the first message every so often as it lets you know they've at least thought about it

It goes without saying that you dont constsntly bombard folk with messages if they ignore your first one after a meet

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I'm not sure I fit into this debate as part of a couple, but we just check our phones when we get home and if the other person hasn't messaged we do, just to say thanks and all that.

I've never thought about who "should" write first. It's sex not a date.

-Courtney "

Agreed Courtney ...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread