FabSwingers.com forum: Reluctance to send first message

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

When searching through the local people on here we occasionally come across people that we would like to chat to but choose not to message them because we feel that if they were interested then they would contact us when they stumble across our profile.

Is there other people out there that do the same thing or are we the odd ones out? I cant help but think if other people are as daft as us then there must be lots of missed opportunities on fab....

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Just go for it... we always get responded too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah i do that, also sometimes think they're just so god damn hot they wouldn't be interested in little ol average me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I contacted a local-ish couple who were looking for single men but they politely turned me down saying I was too local...I think for them it increased the chance of being 'found out'. I don't think they're particularly unusual in that regard.

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By *andomfodCouple
over a year ago

walsall

Nothing ventured, nothing gained OP. May as well send them a message

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By *iforfun999Man
over a year ago

Haverfordwest

I always read through a profile and check if they are looking for single guys or not and whether I am within the age bracket requirements. Even if I'm just 1 year out, I won't send a message, a shame when my birthday might have only been a few days earlier. For single men, we seem to have a bad reputation and so many couples have profiles who specifically state 'no single men'.

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

"When searching through the local people on here we occasionally come across people that we would like to chat to but choose not to message them because we feel that if they were interested then they would contact us when they stumble across our profile.

Is there other people out there that do the same thing or are we the odd ones out? I cant help but think if other people are as daft as us then there must be lots of missed opportunities on fab....

Other people may be thinking the same thing. I think nothing ventured, nothing gained. the timing may mot be right, but once you get chatting it gets easier and easier ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is there other people out there that do the same thing or are we the odd ones out? I cant help but think if other people are as daft as us then there must be lots of missed opportunities on fab....

I suppose it depends how you found their profile

If you was just browsing and found it there's a chance they may have never seen your profile before so there for wouldnt have had the chance to mail you, maybe you mailing them would get you noticed

If you found them via looked at me then no don't mail them, if they have looked at you and not mailed they obviously are not interested

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is there other people out there that do the same thing or are we the odd ones out? I cant help but think if other people are as daft as us then there must be lots of missed opportunities on fab....

We feel a little like yourselves and at the moment tend to let people stumble over us. We still feel relatively new and would rather get established a little because we have a general feeling from those we have actually contacted that we are too much the newbies.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is there other people out there that do the same thing or are we the odd ones out? I cant help but think if other people are as daft as us then there must be lots of missed opportunities on fab....

If everyone thought like you no messages would ever be sent or exchanged, go for it, what's to lose?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I send someone a message if I find them interesting enough to maybe have a conversation with, doesn't happen very often though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm terrible for deciding for people if they will like me or not

If I look at a guys pic and think nah I'm not going to be his type I don't mail them

I know people say you never know but I think you can tell by looking at somebody and their past meets if your their type or not

Saying that I do that with people who mail me first, if I don't think they will like me I don't mail back

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By *orders2forUCouple
over a year ago

Hawick

We compare Fabbing to panning for gold. You have to move a lot of dirt to find that nugget.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We compare Fabbing to panning for gold. You have to move a lot of dirt to find that nugget.

L2"

Like that one

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

You've a lovely profile, go for it op. Nothing to loose. The worst thing that can happen that they're not interested, then just move on, plenty of others on here. I prefer to make the first move, increases the chances of getting what you're really looking for.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I suppose it depends how you found their profile

If you was just browsing and found it there's a chance they may have never seen your profile before so there for wouldnt have had the chance to mail you, maybe you mailing them would get you noticed

If you found them via looked at me then no don't mail them, if they have looked at you and not mailed they obviously are not interested "

"I'm terrible for deciding for people if they will like me or not

If I look at a guys pic and think nah I'm not going to be his type I don't mail them

I know people say you never know but I think you can tell by looking at somebody and their past meets if your their type or not

Saying that I do that with people who mail me first, if I don't think they will like me I don't mail back

You say dont message people who you find on who looked at me as they obviously are not interested but we have looked at people we like the look of but have not messaged for for what ever reason so no doubt we may have been written off for not having the balls to drop them a message.

We also do the same thing of looking at peoples verifications and rule ourselves out based on how good looking the people were that they have met.

I suppose probably best to go by the nothing ventured nothing gained attitude although the more your messages get ignored or deleted the harder it is to pluck up the courage to send a message not that i dont understand why they ignore or delete as i know how awkward it is to tell people your not interested.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is there other people out there that do the same thing or are we the odd ones out? I cant help but think if other people are as daft as us then there must be lots of missed opportunities on fab....

The assumption that they would have messaged you is wholly wrong . They could be thinking the same thing !

Just do it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We also do the same thing of looking at peoples verifications and rule ourselves out based on how good looking the people were that they have met."

This is something we find ourselves doing to, but it is not so much about how good those people in the veri's look but more about how experienced they are. We feel sometimes we can't match up to what others are getting up to because of our lack of experience. Whether this is correct or not is irrelevant, it's just how we feel.

We also understand about how it can feel with ignored, deleted messages and blocks that seem unjustified. We have come close to quitting more than a few times.

But, the saying about panning for gold is very relevant and we are now just feeling like we are seeing a few nuggets in that water. It really is a case of being patient

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You've a lovely profile, go for it op. Nothing to loose. The worst thing that can happen that they're not interested, then just move on, plenty of others on here. I prefer to make the first move, increases the chances of getting what you're really looking for. "

Thank you for your kind comment your profile is also lovely your pictures suggest your not to serious and should be fun although im curious as to the fate of the apple

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there's a lot of people just sitting there twiddling their thumbs waiting to be contacted. Are you afraid of rejection?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think there's a lot of people just sitting there twiddling their thumbs waiting to be contacted. Are you afraid of rejection? "

I dont suppose anyone likes rejection I would say we try and make a somewhat educated guess to try and avoid it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is there other people out there that do the same thing or are we the odd ones out? I cant help but think if other people are as daft as us then there must be lots of missed opportunities on fab....

There are thousands of people on this site... What if they never stumble upon your profile?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Is there other people out there that do the same thing or are we the odd ones out? I cant help but think if other people are as daft as us then there must be lots of missed opportunities on fab....

"
ok, so by your way of thinking, if everyone else thought the same way noone would be contacting anyone. Just go for it a refusal is better than never knowing and if it turns out to be mutual interest then bingo

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By *epper123Woman
over a year ago

London

Most interesting thing for me is seeing how the same profiles can respond differently to who sends the message, rather than the content of it. I have a single profile and share a profile with my partner, who also has his own single profile. We get wildly different messages from the same people ... but I believe we are consistent. Moral of the story ... don't take any of it too seriously as there are plenty of fish in this sea. Oh hold, on, wait a moment, I think someone else has already coined that phrase ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is there other people out there that do the same thing or are we the odd ones out? I cant help but think if other people are as daft as us then there must be lots of missed opportunities on fab....

We hardly get any messages anymore, usually when we do get them, they want an instant meet.

We've messaged many in the past and hardly ever got a response, if we did it hardly went anywhere, they just went cold..

So we just dont bother anymore - instead we meet others at clubs and parties. It works for us..

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I think there's a lot of people just sitting there twiddling their thumbs waiting to be contacted. Are you afraid of rejection?

I dont suppose anyone likes rejection I would say we try and make a somewhat educated guess to try and avoid it.

"
I never used to message first on here, it was nothing to do with rejection but how I was brought up, women didn't make the first move. Since I've gotten over that I've been having a great time messaging, I've not had an out and out rejection but I've had plenty where you chat and then it fizzles out I've also had success, I would hate someone to be rude if they weren't interested. But I message guys that come across as decent so if I got a rude reply I'd put it down to me having a bad judgement.

Honest you will have fun

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