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So you want me now??

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By *aeBabe OP   Woman
over a year ago

London

Have you ever messaged someone and had your message read and deleted, so you think okay, they aren't interested, make a private note to remember that, then some months down the line they wink or message you wanting to meet? Why do you think that happens? Would you still be interested or be put off as they weren't interested at first?

Personally if at first they aren't interested, I lose interest and move on. I find it hard to get attracted to them again.

Thoughts?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Have you ever messaged someone and had your message read and deleted, so you think okay, they aren't interested, make a private note to remember that, then some months down the line they wink or message you wanting to meet? Why do you think that happens? Would you still be interested or be put off as they weren't interested at first?

Personally if at first they aren't interested, I lose interest and move on. I find it hard to get attracted to them again.

Thoughts? "

Because people look for different things at different times.

Are you saying that your tastes have never changed? Not ever?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Have you ever messaged someone and had your message read and deleted, so you think okay, they aren't interested, make a private note to remember that, then some months down the line they wink or message you wanting to meet? Why do you think that happens? Would you still be interested or be put off as they weren't interested at first?

Personally if at first they aren't interested, I lose interest and move on. I find it hard to get attracted to them again.

Thoughts? "

It's annoying as Fuck, I tend to delete the message out of spite

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By *aeBabe OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Have you ever messaged someone and had your message read and deleted, so you think okay, they aren't interested, make a private note to remember that, then some months down the line they wink or message you wanting to meet? Why do you think that happens? Would you still be interested or be put off as they weren't interested at first?

Personally if at first they aren't interested, I lose interest and move on. I find it hard to get attracted to them again.

Thoughts?

Because people look for different things at different times.

Are you saying that your tastes have never changed? Not ever?"

Yes my tastes have changed, but not dramatically. I still am attracted to what I was attracted to 5 years ago. But having had your message deleted, do you not move on? Do you find it hard to find that attraction to that person once you're been "rejected"?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, it have never happened to me. I recon they did it, cos they haven't had any luck so trying their luck gain lol.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I can barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday, let alone someone who may have messaged me months ago.

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By *aeBabe OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"I can barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday, let alone someone who may have messaged me months ago."

Reason why I use the private notes

Don't know about you, but my lunch was a chicken and mushroom pie lol

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum


"I can barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday, let alone someone who may have messaged me months ago.

Reason why I use the private notes

Don't know about you, but my lunch was a chicken and mushroom pie lol "

I only use the notes feature to remind me who the dickheads are.

I think I had salad. Hmm...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Have you ever messaged someone and had your message read and deleted, so you think okay, they aren't interested, make a private note to remember that, then some months down the line they wink or message you wanting to meet? Why do you think that happens? Would you still be interested or be put off as they weren't interested at first?

Personally if at first they aren't interested, I lose interest and move on. I find it hard to get attracted to them again.

Thoughts?

Because people look for different things at different times.

Are you saying that your tastes have never changed? Not ever?

Yes my tastes have changed, but not dramatically. I still am attracted to what I was attracted to 5 years ago. But having had your message deleted, do you not move on? Do you find it hard to find that attraction to that person once you're been "rejected"?"

No, I don't feel rejected, I just wasn't what they were looking for at the time.

For a while on here I was only looking for women, so I automatically rejected all men that messaged me - whoever they were. Then one day I fancied some guys instead, so I met guys and turned down a couple of women.

It's nothing personal, they just weren't what I was looking for at the time. On a different day they might be exactly what I'm looking for.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had this a couple of times with couples/Women but I don't see it as being rejected, just not what they want at that time x

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By *anB451Man
over a year ago

Reading

Sometimes it makes me ignore them, sometimes not. It depends on how much I wanted to meet then, and whether they're someone which I still want to meet.

Often I'll chat to them even if I've lost interest just in case my tastes change further down the line.

Not sure if I'm confusing them, they're confusing me, or we're both confusing ourselves!

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London


"Have you ever messaged someone and had your message read and deleted, so you think okay, they aren't interested, make a private note to remember that, then some months down the line they wink or message you wanting to meet? Why do you think that happens? Would you still be interested or be put off as they weren't interested at first?

Personally if at first they aren't interested, I lose interest and move on. I find it hard to get attracted to them again.

Thoughts? "

That's just the spiteful part of your brain talking...

You do that too many times in your life and you will miss a lot of opportunities...

They might of been talking to someone else at the time and wanted to give them all their attention, people can become focused on a goal...

If this happened and it was your dream job/activity/holiday would you just go "nope you had your chance" or would you go get it?

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

If they are interested in me, it would be churlish not to reply to a message but I hardly ever look at winks so pointless doing that really.

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By *aeBabe OP   Woman
over a year ago

London

I think then it depends on my level of attraction towards them in the first place.

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London


"Have you ever messaged someone and had your message read and deleted, so you think okay, they aren't interested, make a private note to remember that, then some months down the line they wink or message you wanting to meet? Why do you think that happens? Would you still be interested or be put off as they weren't interested at first?

Personally if at first they aren't interested, I lose interest and move on. I find it hard to get attracted to them again.

Thoughts?

Because people look for different things at different times.

Are you saying that your tastes have never changed? Not ever?

Yes my tastes have changed, but not dramatically. I still am attracted to what I was attracted to 5 years ago. But having had your message deleted, do you not move on? Do you find it hard to find that attraction to that person once you're been "rejected"?"

Rejection is a good thing, it makes you stronger and it's a step closer to getting what you want...

Also I'd be surprised if a person who was attracted to me 5 years ago, was still attracted now.

I'm a totally different person and it could only be physical, what I like to do, see and indulge in has changed drastically....

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By *aeBabe OP   Woman
over a year ago

London

Somethings I'm attracted to someone and then through back and forth messaging I tend to lose interest.

Have you met someone who wasn't attracted to you, but then did? Or did your attraction to them change?

Have you ever had someone send you a polite thanks, but no thank you message, then send you a message that they are actually interested? Just figuring out how quickly people can change how they're mind including my own

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London


"If they are interested in me, it would be churlish not to reply to a message but I hardly ever look at winks so pointless doing that really. "

I think winks are just an appreciation of how you look, nothing more...

If you get a wink on the street or a smile, it's a similar thing, I like the way you look and that's all....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If they are interested in me, it would be churlish not to reply to a message but I hardly ever look at winks so pointless doing that really.

I think winks are just an appreciation of how you look, nothing more...

If you get a wink on the street or a smile, it's a similar thing, I like the way you look and that's all....

"

So when some stranger here winks at us we should treat it like we do on the street?

I'd better start dying a little more inside then...

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By *adyboy-DaddyCouple
over a year ago

Andover

Sadly we do delete a lot of emails without responding.

We don't want to but some day, especially Fri and Sat we get hundreds of emails and just can't get round to answering them all.

Have to delete them just to keep on top of it

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By *aeBabe OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"If they are interested in me, it would be churlish not to reply to a message but I hardly ever look at winks so pointless doing that really.

I think winks are just an appreciation of how you look, nothing more...

If you get a wink on the street or a smile, it's a similar thing, I like the way you look and that's all....

"

Winks to me are like pokes on Facebook. A: "Hey, look at me", "are you interested?", "Remember me?", etc.

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By *anB451Man
over a year ago

Reading


"Somethings I'm attracted to someone and then through back and forth messaging I tend to lose interest.

Have you met someone who wasn't attracted to you, but then did? Or did your attraction to them change?

Have you ever had someone send you a polite thanks, but no thank you message, then send you a message that they are actually interested? Just figuring out how quickly people can change how they're mind including my own"

I can definitely change my mind through chatting to people. Both for and against.

It's not all about looks. I like to enjoy myself on meets and this comes from more than just a physical attraction. It's about getting along with one another and having fun.

We'll, for me it is anyway!

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London


"Somethings I'm attracted to someone and then through back and forth messaging I tend to lose interest.

Have you met someone who wasn't attracted to you, but then did? Or did your attraction to them change?

Have you ever had someone send you a polite thanks, but no thank you message, then send you a message that they are actually interested? Just figuring out how quickly people can change how they're mind including my own"

I've never met at any point someone who I know changed their mind... Never had a positive change of mind message either...

But in both situations I have never thought about it, I just move forward, I never notice if someone I'm talking to is attracted to me, I'm terrible with signals, so I have given up trying.

And messaging may as well be a robot on the other side, so of cause we all lose a bit of interest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Have you ever messaged someone and had your message read and deleted, so you think okay, they aren't interested, make a private note to remember that, then some months down the line they wink or message you wanting to meet? Why do you think that happens? Would you still be interested or be put off as they weren't interested at first?

Personally if at first they aren't interested, I lose interest and move on. I find it hard to get attracted to them again.

Thoughts? "
surely you could never be sure they read the messages maybe they went over page and they bulk deleted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I met a really good friend on here. (No longer on the site but still very good friends).

We messaged, we met for a social (went for an Indian meal). But I was "not her type (5'11" minimum and muscular type), she also had a regular FB on here. Fair play I thought.

We then met a few months later at a rather busy party in Worcester....had fun in one of the hot tubs were it was decided I was her type after all!

We met several times afterwards, she attended and even helped me to host a few parties. I took her to clubs a couple of times...although for some of the time I had a regular FB...and her FB moved on.

As I said she is no longer on the site, but we remain good friends.

So yes! Give people a second chance. People's tastes do change. You never know where it may lead!

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London


"If they are interested in me, it would be churlish not to reply to a message but I hardly ever look at winks so pointless doing that really.

I think winks are just an appreciation of how you look, nothing more...

If you get a wink on the street or a smile, it's a similar thing, I like the way you look and that's all....

So when some stranger here winks at us we should treat it like we do on the street?

I'd better start dying a little more inside then..."

Not we, I'm not do general...

It's just what I do, I used to live somewhere where you would get compliments all the time.

I do the same now, it doesn't mean anything, just "I think X looks good"...

And what's wrong with that, I did it twice yesterday and the reaction was great, I could see them light up for a couple of seconds...

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By *opman1111Man
over a year ago

belfast

If they delete my message without reply then I block them as they obviously aren't interested and I don't want to waste my time messaging them at a later date.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A guy apparently messaged on our couples profile 4 times before we got chatting..... I wasn't bring rude and always replied ( although I thought it was twice) but We wasn't looking for new guys at that time. In the end he saw a status that said we were going to a club, he messaged again asking if I fancied chatting to him and meeting him at the club!

We did and all had an amazing night!! He kept saying it's always good to keep trying x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday, let alone someone who may have messaged me months ago.

Reason why I use the private notes

Don't know about you, but my lunch was a chicken and mushroom pie lol

I only use the notes feature to remind me who the dickheads are.

I think I had salad. Hmm..."

Notes feature???

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London


"If they delete my message without reply then I block them as they obviously aren't interested and I don't want to waste my time messaging them at a later date."

Here's a question... What if you contacted them because you liked how they looked, but they weren't interested because they like to do certain activities?

After reading their profile and looking at their pictures you begin to explore what it is they like to do, then a year later you come across their profile again.

Do you think "we could have fun now" or "they rejected me before, so I'm not interested now"?

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London

I've had this a lot... I see a job I want to try, I get rejected as not being qualified or experienced, so I disappear for a couple of years, get the qualifications or experience, then get the job....

I must of done this at least 6 times in my life, I don't see the sexual as any different.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we just block them, if we aint good enough for them at first then fuk em, i think it's just plain rude to delete mail with no reply but thats just my opinion

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By *opman1111Man
over a year ago

belfast


"we just block them, if we aint good enough for them at first then fuk em, i think it's just plain rude to delete mail with no reply but thats just my opinion"

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By *ungBlackTopMan
over a year ago

salford


"Have you ever messaged someone and had your message read and deleted, so you think okay, they aren't interested, make a private note to remember that, then some months down the line they wink or message you wanting to meet? Why do you think that happens? Would you still be interested or be put off as they weren't interested at first?

Personally if at first they aren't interested, I lose interest and move on. I find it hard to get attracted to them again.

Thoughts?

It's annoying as Fuck, I tend to delete the message out of spite "

lol me too. I'm always first draft not second round

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No, it have never happened to me. I recon they did it, cos they haven't had any luck so trying their luck gain lol."

This,most definately

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By *irty Girty From No 30Woman
over a year ago

Burbage


"Have you ever messaged someone and had your message read and deleted, so you think okay, they aren't interested, make a private note to remember that, then some months down the line they wink or message you wanting to meet? Why do you think that happens? Would you still be interested or be put off as they weren't interested at first?

Personally if at first they aren't interested, I lose interest and move on. I find it hard to get attracted to them again.

Thoughts? "

The guy I'm with now, i rejected several times before agreeing to meet, we now in a relationship. All the time he asks me why i changed my mind, and responses is always same, my mood changed rapidly and you just didn't fit my mood on those particular days

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Have you ever messaged someone and had your message read and deleted, so you think okay, they aren't interested, make a private note to remember that, then some months down the line they wink or message you wanting to meet? Why do you think that happens? Would you still be interested or be put off as they weren't interested at first?

Personally if at first they aren't interested, I lose interest and move on. I find it hard to get attracted to them again.

Thoughts? "

I'm the same, thank goodness for being able to do private notes lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If they delete my message without reply then I block them as they obviously aren't interested and I don't want to waste my time messaging them at a later date."

Exactly this...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Have you ever messaged someone and had your message read and deleted, so you think okay, they aren't interested, make a private note to remember that, then some months down the line they wink or message you wanting to meet? Why do you think that happens? Would you still be interested or be put off as they weren't interested at first?

Personally if at first they aren't interested, I lose interest and move on. I find it hard to get attracted to them again.

Thoughts?

The guy I'm with now, i rejected several times before agreeing to meet, we now in a relationship. All the time he asks me why i changed my mind, and responses is always same, my mood changed rapidly and you just didn't fit my mood on those particular days"

My long term partner I rejected three years before we started going out because he had long hair and thick glasses. Also he was a bit chubby.

He started doing triathlons, cut his hair off, and got better glasses. Sometimes it's the person that can change too...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

FWIW I turned someone down on my singles profile a few months ago, maybe a year. They just weren't right for me on my own.

My partner and I met them on our couples profile just before Christmas, and we're arranging our second meet. They were right for us as a couple.

No hard feelings involved, it's just different things at different times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Have you ever messaged someone and had your message read and deleted, so you think okay, they aren't interested, make a private note to remember that, then some months down the line they wink or message you wanting to meet? Why do you think that happens? Would you still be interested or be put off as they weren't interested at first?

Personally if at first they aren't interested, I lose interest and move on. I find it hard to get attracted to them again.

Thoughts?

Because people look for different things at different times.

Are you saying that your tastes have never changed? Not ever?

Yes my tastes have changed, but not dramatically. I still am attracted to what I was attracted to 5 years ago. But having had your message deleted, do you not move on? Do you find it hard to find that attraction to that person once you're been "rejected"?

No, I don't feel rejected, I just wasn't what they were looking for at the time.

For a while on here I was only looking for women, so I automatically rejected all men that messaged me - whoever they were. Then one day I fancied some guys instead, so I met guys and turned down a couple of women.

It's nothing personal, they just weren't what I was looking for at the time. On a different day they might be exactly what I'm looking for."

I'm the same, I started out looking for single women, then couples, then single males. My taste just changed!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Have you ever messaged someone and had your message read and deleted, so you think okay, they aren't interested, make a private note to remember that, then some months down the line they wink or message you wanting to meet? Why do you think that happens? Would you still be interested or be put off as they weren't interested at first?

Personally if at first they aren't interested, I lose interest and move on. I find it hard to get attracted to them again.

Thoughts? "

I think a males perspective is very different. We get messages deleted all the time, you sort of expect this. Normally due to the volume of messages couples, and females get. I have had this twice, and both times entertained the messages, as understand things can be overlooked.

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By *aeBabe OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Have you ever messaged someone and had your message read and deleted, so you think okay, they aren't interested, make a private note to remember that, then some months down the line they wink or message you wanting to meet? Why do you think that happens? Would you still be interested or be put off as they weren't interested at first?

Personally if at first they aren't interested, I lose interest and move on. I find it hard to get attracted to them again.

Thoughts?

I think a males perspective is very different. We get messages deleted all the time, you sort of expect this. Normally due to the volume of messages couples, and females get. I have had this twice, and both times entertained the messages, as understand things can be overlooked."

So you think it's different for men?

I get that sometimes couples and single women tend to bulk delete do men do it too or is it purposefully deleted?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Have you ever messaged someone and had your message read and deleted, so you think okay, they aren't interested, make a private note to remember that, then some months down the line they wink or message you wanting to meet? Why do you think that happens? Would you still be interested or be put off as they weren't interested at first?

Personally if at first they aren't interested, I lose interest and move on. I find it hard to get attracted to them again.

Thoughts? "

same as. just delete the message

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't remember whose messaged me, I don't use the notes feature either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd remind them that they messaged me a few months ago and weren't interested and ask them why they now want to meet. I wouldn't however meet them as it's almost like I am at this moment just second best

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London


"I'd remind them that they messaged me a few months ago and weren't interested and ask them why they now want to meet. I wouldn't however meet them as it's almost like I am at this moment just second best "

Not true, that's your subconscious talking...

It's not the truth, truth is you don't know what happened, but the monster of self doubt takes over for a little while...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd remind them that they messaged me a few months ago and weren't interested and ask them why they now want to meet. I wouldn't however meet them as it's almost like I am at this moment just second best

Not true, that's your subconscious talking...

It's not the truth, truth is you don't know what happened, but the monster of self doubt takes over for a little while..."

Nope it is what I would do as I wouldn't give someone another chance

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd remind them that they messaged me a few months ago and weren't interested and ask them why they now want to meet. I wouldn't however meet them as it's almost like I am at this moment just second best

Not true, that's your subconscious talking...

It's not the truth, truth is you don't know what happened, but the monster of self doubt takes over for a little while..."

some people take rejection better than others, you may see it as a positive, something to work up from, a lot don't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fuck it.i wouldn't have a clue.....i sometimes think I'm too laid back for this lifestyle..

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Do you mean a first message read and deleted?

I don't send that many first messages but when I do once I sent it I just carry on.

I don't check whether they've read it or not, but I know roughly whether I've had a reply or not. I doubt I'd even know it was the same person if they messaged me months later. As for accidentally messaging them at a later date a great big sign comes up saying you've already messaged and got no reply

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By *aeBabe OP   Woman
over a year ago

London

Personally if someone deletes my message I leave it for a while and message again after a couple of months (benefit of the doubt),but if they delete the second time, I accept that they aren't interested and move on. Where then I lose interest in them. To have that person then message me a few months down the line, gets me thinking " hold on you deleted my message on two seperate occasions, so why the interest now?" I don't know if it's being a woman on a site like this that allows me to think this way and met people who upon initial contact were interested from the word go, thus ignoring those who passed me by the first time. Have any men been in a similar situation? Or do you think " well she must have been swapped with messages, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt"?

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

We had a couple this week say that at the moment they're not interested in us.

That's fine, it's their prerogative. Just like it will be mine to say no if they do change their mind. If we're not good enough now, why would we be good enough a year down the line? We're still the same people

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By *ice guy 44Man
over a year ago

wrexham

me I leave it and think its there lose I sent messages to women on here few years ago all deleted started going to clubs met a lady there and then 2 people that turned me down wanted to fk me because when you meet you chat to them get on and they see the real you I turned them down they looked at me to say you twxt all I said was look at my user name and then they sent messages saying sorry well to me its to late.

went to town house first week in jan did not no a soul there felt uneasy all the time as its a click thing but seen people there and after sent messages some reply to me but when they see all your pics on your profile they think diff about it after all its a sex site not a date site

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By *ice guy 44Man
over a year ago

wrexham

cant send you message but who the hell wold turn you down you look wow to me

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By *manda63Woman
over a year ago

Southampton

I had this ages ago on my single profile. It didnt feel very good and made me realise how single men feel when their messages get deleted no reply. Im no oil painting but I didnt think I was that ugly, it takes a lot of nerve to send a first message

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Have you ever messaged someone and had your message read and deleted, so you think okay, they aren't interested, make a private note to remember that, then some months down the line they wink or message you wanting to meet? Why do you think that happens? Would you still be interested or be put off as they weren't interested at first?

Personally if at first they aren't interested, I lose interest and move on. I find it hard to get attracted to them again.

Thoughts? "

What if the first time was a day they had hundreds of messages? What if back then your profile picture didn't capture their imagination? What if back then they weren't in the mood, didn't have time...

So, someone you like gives you a chance to chat and get to know them? You would turn that chance down just to prove a point to nobody?

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By *ormalguy71Man
over a year ago

Tunbridge Wells


"Have you ever messaged someone and had your message read and deleted, so you think okay, they aren't interested, make a private note to remember that, then some months down the line they wink or message you wanting to meet? Why do you think that happens? Would you still be interested or be put off as they weren't interested at first?

Personally if at first they aren't interested, I lose interest and move on. I find it hard to get attracted to them again.

Thoughts? "

Anyone deleting your messages or not interested in you must be stark raving mad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When that happens 2 me, i like u make a private note and if and wen they do get in touch 2 meet. I politely remind them that they read my inital message 2 them and then deleted it without replying. I then simply say...thank anyway and hope u find wot ur looking 4..

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London


"I'd remind them that they messaged me a few months ago and weren't interested and ask them why they now want to meet. I wouldn't however meet them as it's almost like I am at this moment just second best

Not true, that's your subconscious talking...

It's not the truth, truth is you don't know what happened, but the monster of self doubt takes over for a little while...

Nope it is what I would do as I wouldn't give someone another chance"

Suggesting that you are "almost like I am at this moment just second best" does suggest underlying self doubt...

But worse... You wouldn't give someone another chance?

I don't know why anyone would think like that, that for me goes against some of the best human qualities.

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London


"I'd remind them that they messaged me a few months ago and weren't interested and ask them why they now want to meet. I wouldn't however meet them as it's almost like I am at this moment just second best

Not true, that's your subconscious talking...

It's not the truth, truth is you don't know what happened, but the monster of self doubt takes over for a little while...

some people take rejection better than others, you may see it as a positive, something to work up from, a lot don't."

Yes, I get you.

We are all different and have different tolerance for certain stressors...

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By *aeBabe OP   Woman
over a year ago

London

But do you not lose attraction to someone once they've deleted your message a few times? Just as they have found interest in you, you may have lost interest in them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"But do you not lose attraction to someone once they've deleted your message a few times? Just as they have found interest in you, you may have lost interest in them?"

Absolutely

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By *uny1122Man
over a year ago

longeton

True ,I do same if they are not interested ,I m not interested anymore

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London


"But do you not lose attraction to someone once they've deleted your message a few times? Just as they have found interest in you, you may have lost interest in them?"

Nope... What I find attractive at a moment in time may be the same forever or never.

We all have different things we value, I value action, intention, courage and imagination far more, if I found value in this once, there will always be value in it.

Fair enough if I was just looking at them for their looks, then I would not be particularly interested, but who knows what will happen next?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"But do you not lose attraction to someone once they've deleted your message a few times? Just as they have found interest in you, you may have lost interest in them?"

No. Attraction comes from talking, finding out what you're into, and figuring out that you're compatible in bed.

For me, anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In all my time on Fab I don't think I've ever been contacted by someone that has previously ignored or rejected me so it's purely a hypothetical response.

But I guess for me it'll depend on who it was and what I was looking for at that particular point (as it varies frequently).

The only definite no would be if they'd been rude in a reply to me as that's not the sort of person I'd want to meet anyway, but if they'd just ignored my mail or civilly said no, then I wouldn't hold a grudge.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

blimey - people delete messages for all sorts of reasons - some maybe by accident even - always give a second chance - we have messaged people and subsequently met after this -

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By *aneandpaulCouple
over a year ago

cleveleys

Think we all get knocked back and people do get in touch again we have done it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"But do you not lose attraction to someone once they've deleted your message a few times? Just as they have found interest in you, you may have lost interest in them?"

are you losing the attraction because of the initial rejection & now you feel you have the upper hand?

personally I wouldn't message more than once in the 1st instance & as I don't use the notes, unless I recognised them when they messaged me I probably wouldn't remember. if I did & I still found them attractive I would carry on chatting regardless.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I haven't got a problem with this at all. If I send a message and get no reply I move on. If I then get messages months later I try and start afresh. I am very aware of the number of messages woman/couples get.

It really isn't anything personal.

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By *odramafunCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire/staffordshire


"Have you ever messaged someone and had your message read and deleted, so you think okay, they aren't interested, make a private note to remember that, then some months down the line they wink or message you wanting to meet? Why do you think that happens? Would you still be interested or be put off as they weren't interested at first?

Personally if at first they aren't interested, I lose interest and move on. I find it hard to get attracted to them again.

Thoughts?

Because people look for different things at different times.

Are you saying that your tastes have never changed? Not ever?"

I think this is a fair point.... Try not to delete without a reply but what we looked for at the start is different to now and look for different types of meet depending on mood..... Take fab literally how it is and don't read too much into things... Learn to smile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As often as not we bulk delete , and wouldn't have a clue who has messaged , winked or sent friend invites .

If this means they think we have rejected them , then so be it . But the fact is we haven't as we've not even read the message .

If we get messages directly asking for a meet and we know for sure that we don't want to meet them , we block them . and we do say on our profile we hope others would do the same to us .

Sometimes you just know it won't work , and these are the cases for the block button .

If we message someone asking for a meet and they say no , you're not for us , we block them too . But if they say not tonight. We are busy or unable , we would try again another time .

We have very different tastes from single women/ guys / couples / TVs / group / straight and bi fun .

Rejecting for good , all unsuitable people on a particular night would be daft , as they would be very suitable another time .

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By *aeBabe OP   Woman
over a year ago

London

I totally get that couples and women mass delete, do men do the same?

For me, I would lose attraction after my message has been deleted with no reply twice or three times. Because I gave the benefit of the doubt, maybe they deleted by mistake, maybe they're too busy, etc. After that I'd get the message and make a note of it, so I don't do it again. And then I move on, I lose interest in what drew me to them. My block list is reserved for the baddest of the bad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"blimey - people delete messages for all sorts of reasons - some maybe by accident even - always give a second chance - we have messaged people and subsequently met after this -"

However as I said I'd feel second best and that they're only contacting me again because they're not getting anywhere with anyone

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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago

Catthorpe

People change their minds, timing, interests, there's lots of different reasons why someone doesn't want to meet, we never take it personal. There's a forumite we sent a very polite, well written message to, read and deleted but if she sends a message wanting to meet we'd pursue the interest regardless. Heck, we've met someone we'd previously blocked and got talking to them via other means, got along arranged a meet and a very good time was had, no grudges, no nothing. Haven't got the time or effort to be bothered with fab knock backs.

Him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"blimey - people delete messages for all sorts of reasons - some maybe by accident even - always give a second chance - we have messaged people and subsequently met after this -

However as I said I'd feel second best and that they're only contacting me again because they're not getting anywhere with anyone "

if thats how to you choose to think thats the reason they deleted in the first place then so be it - just saying we have met after deleted and there has been reasons for it other than not worthy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 31/01/16 21:45:07]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've always said Ive met people who have deleted mails..sometimes its catching the person at the right time.

and I mean I'[ve mailed back a good few months later(specifically if they are looking for a meet),or I'm fabbing their pics...or them mine..

Yet I'm told if a message is deleted it means the person is clearly not interested..that thought runs through my head while I'm licking their fanny or theyre sucking my cock...

Its even nicer when you bump into someone who has rejected you in mails while your in a club or party..and you get on well enough..with possibly more of an interest.

Its partly why I'm not overly keen on long winded chat(like for months and months)..get the basic stuff out the way then arrange to meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I didn't know there was a private note feature....I block people who delete messages without a reply purely because you can bet your life my Mr will add them to the hotlist again and message because he doesn't remember anything

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I didn't know there was a private note feature....I block people who delete messages without a reply purely because you can bet your life my Mr will add them to the hotlist again and message because he doesn't remember anything "

on your account page: your private notes its called.

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews


"I didn't know there was a private note feature....I block people who delete messages without a reply purely because you can bet your life my Mr will add them to the hotlist again and message because he doesn't remember anything "

C is exactly the same!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I didn't know there was a private note feature....I block people who delete messages without a reply purely because you can bet your life my Mr will add them to the hotlist again and message because he doesn't remember anything

on your account page: your private notes its called."
Thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suppose it depends on the reason and manner in which they turned you down. If someone had said they were just looking for couples, or people who accommodate, or something like that then I accept that situations can change and where I once wasn't suitable I might now be.

If it was "you're too fat for me and I don't meet cheating scum" then no, I wouldn't reply the next time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it is different depending on your gender and whether you are single or in a couple. I put on my profile that if you send me a message or wink, and you're not for me, I won't reply - not to be horrible or snotty, but it's a kind of gently way for me to say no thanks.

Messages that are in text speak, are lewd or filthy (from people I don't know) go straight to delete and block.

There are (mercifully few) guys on here who seems to be unable to read the rules and etiquette part of the site, and think that the women are all slags who will fook anything anytime, with no respect or consideration.

Single girls get a good deal of respect. So do couples - although some are so far up their own backsides they resemble Cheerio's (we can bearly keep up with the messages, we are SO attractive ...... usually turn out to be munters or fantasists)but single guys have a much harder time on here. As Mr Chalk says, if you can't take a knock back, you shouldn't be on this site

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

get over yourself...your just a woman/shag that your making available...nothing more

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"get over yourself...your just a woman/shag that your making available...nothing more"

Okay....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ffs what's up with this place today?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ffs what's up with this place today? "

Today?

-Courtney

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"blimey - people delete messages for all sorts of reasons - some maybe by accident even - always give a second chance - we have messaged people and subsequently met after this -

However as I said I'd feel second best and that they're only contacting me again because they're not getting anywhere with anyone

if thats how to you choose to think thats the reason they deleted in the first place then so be it - just saying we have met after deleted and there has been reasons for it other than not worthy"

Just find it difficult to understand why someone doesn't want me one month and the next month they do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ffs what's up with this place today? "

I dunno, maybe all they all need to stop chatting & go and have a fuck!

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By *r. JoystickMan
over a year ago

SE London

Hi Mae. Great post - I actually haven't seen this topic posted before.

For me, I would typically still respond to the person but deep down, I think the earlier disinterest would taint my view of them, for whatever reason... Not that they'd have done anything wrong - just, I guess rejection hurts, even if it is as minor as on Fab!

However, having said that - if they were friendly I would probably still give them a chance. It's happened to me a couple of times, as I'm sure it has for others relating to me... but never say never

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By *aeBabe OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"get over yourself...your just a woman/shag that your making available...nothing more"

Ahaha funny

Thanks for putting that into perspective. And I'm a great shag at that

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By *aeBabe OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Ffs what's up with this place today?

Today?

-Courtney "

LOL This

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By *aeBabe OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Hi Mae. Great post - I actually haven't seen this topic posted before.

For me, I would typically still respond to the person but deep down, I think the earlier disinterest would taint my view of them, for whatever reason... Not that they'd have done anything wrong - just, I guess rejection hurts, even if it is as minor as on Fab!

However, having said that - if they were friendly I would probably still give them a chance. It's happened to me a couple of times, as I'm sure it has for others relating to me... but never say never "

Thanks. It's just a scenario I've been in a few times and wanted to know what other people experiences and reactions would be. I suppose it's different for Men, women, and couples

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By *ub_liminalTVTV/TS
over a year ago

Belfast


"Have you ever messaged someone and had your message read and deleted, so you think okay, they aren't interested, make a private note to remember that, then some months down the line they wink or message you wanting to meet? Why do you think that happens? Would you still be interested or be put off as they weren't interested at first?

Personally if at first they aren't interested, I lose interest and move on. I find it hard to get attracted to them again.

Thoughts? "

If they can't message back as a courtesy to explain why.. I'd just ignore hun . That sort of indecisive hot /cold conduct is a total turn off...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think it's fair that you should instantly disregard them because this is a swinging site as people get more into it they will want to explore more of there sexuality which is only normal. it doesn't help that people who are seen as 'more desirable' I.e men who are hung and have 6 pacs and slim big boobed women get swamped down in messages so sometimes end up mass deleting with out even giving your message a chance I know this is a stereotype but from looking at profiles that's what people have a preconseption of what there expectations are when I think what people need to realise is swingers are real people yes some of us are toned pornstar looking people but the majority of us are normal everyday people who work 9-5 jobs looking for a release from the real world I never ever disregard anyone if they delete my message because as has been stated multiple times is that people interest change. For example me personally I love Bbws so that's the type of person I message but most times never get a reply and message deleted but I don't give up hope the number of single men on here vastly outweighs that of couples and single women so people are gonna get fed up with constant poor messages and this is a factor to this situation. Myself personally I take the time to reply to all messages (as I don't get that many lol) as I feel just letting the person know that your are or are not interested shows your a nice person and gives th hope that they will find someone on this site. But the key point I wanna reiterate is that swingin is about sexual exploration just cus someone or something isnt for at first doesn't mean it will never be for you

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By *aeBabe OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"I don't think it's fair that you should instantly disregard them because this is a swinging site as people get more into it they will want to explore more of there sexuality which is only normal. it doesn't help that people who are seen as 'more desirable' I.e men who are hung and have 6 pacs and slim big boobed women get swamped down in messages so sometimes end up mass deleting with out even giving your message a chance I know this is a stereotype but from looking at profiles that's what people have a preconseption of what there expectations are when I think what people need to realise is swingers are real people yes some of us are toned pornstar looking people but the majority of us are normal everyday people who work 9-5 jobs looking for a release from the real world I never ever disregard anyone if they delete my message because as has been stated multiple times is that people interest change. For example me personally I love Bbws so that's the type of person I message but most times never get a reply and message deleted but I don't give up hope the number of single men on here vastly outweighs that of couples and single women so people are gonna get fed up with constant poor messages and this is a factor to this situation. Myself personally I take the time to reply to all messages (as I don't get that many lol) as I feel just letting the person know that your are or are not interested shows your a nice person and gives th hope that they will find someone on this site. But the key point I wanna reiterate is that swingin is about sexual exploration just cus someone or something isnt for at first doesn't mean it will never be for you "

Just as you have every right to change your type and attraction too. You may not be attracted to that person anymore the moment they find you attractive. Works both ways. Sometimes it's a shame when it's the wrong timing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't think it's fair that you should instantly disregard them because this is a swinging site as people get more into it they will want to explore more of there sexuality which is only normal. it doesn't help that people who are seen as 'more desirable' I.e men who are hung and have 6 pacs and slim big boobed women get swamped down in messages so sometimes end up mass deleting with out even giving your message a chance I know this is a stereotype but from looking at profiles that's what people have a preconseption of what there expectations are when I think what people need to realise is swingers are real people yes some of us are toned pornstar looking people but the majority of us are normal everyday people who work 9-5 jobs looking for a release from the real world I never ever disregard anyone if they delete my message because as has been stated multiple times is that people interest change. For example me personally I love Bbws so that's the type of person I message but most times never get a reply and message deleted but I don't give up hope the number of single men on here vastly outweighs that of couples and single women so people are gonna get fed up with constant poor messages and this is a factor to this situation. Myself personally I take the time to reply to all messages (as I don't get that many lol) as I feel just letting the person know that your are or are not interested shows your a nice person and gives th hope that they will find someone on this site. But the key point I wanna reiterate is that swingin is about sexual exploration just cus someone or something isnt for at first doesn't mean it will never be for you

Just as you have every right to change your type and attraction too. You may not be attracted to that person anymore the moment they find you attractive. Works both ways. Sometimes it's a shame when it's the wrong timing."

Yeah really is with me it more I get like 30-60 profile views and then 3 messages off cross dressers and I'm not into that but I still just say I'm not interested

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By *uny1122Man
over a year ago

longeton

Good very good r you ,( no,no,)

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By *adyboy-DaddyCouple
over a year ago

Andover

I can't believe how personally people are taking this "rejection" nonsense.

If your that easily offended you've picked the wrong pastime!

We have to bulk delete unread emails all the time. It's nothing personal, there just isn't time in the day to read them all, let alone reply!

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London


"I don't think it's fair that you should instantly disregard them because this is a swinging site as people get more into it they will want to explore more of there sexuality which is only normal. it doesn't help that people who are seen as 'more desirable' I.e men who are hung and have 6 pacs and slim big boobed women get swamped down in messages so sometimes end up mass deleting with out even giving your message a chance I know this is a stereotype but from looking at profiles that's what people have a preconseption of what there expectations are when I think what people need to realise is swingers are real people yes some of us are toned pornstar looking people but the majority of us are normal everyday people who work 9-5 jobs looking for a release from the real world I never ever disregard anyone if they delete my message because as has been stated multiple times is that people interest change. For example me personally I love Bbws so that's the type of person I message but most times never get a reply and message deleted but I don't give up hope the number of single men on here vastly outweighs that of couples and single women so people are gonna get fed up with constant poor messages and this is a factor to this situation. Myself personally I take the time to reply to all messages (as I don't get that many lol) as I feel just letting the person know that your are or are not interested shows your a nice person and gives th hope that they will find someone on this site. But the key point I wanna reiterate is that swingin is about sexual exploration just cus someone or something isnt for at first doesn't mean it will never be for you

Just as you have every right to change your type and attraction too. You may not be attracted to that person anymore the moment they find you attractive. Works both ways. Sometimes it's a shame when it's the wrong timing."

I hate bad timing.... It's made a few things hard in my life, especially the woman I should be with...

Don't let timing be an issue, it's YOUR problem...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"blimey - people delete messages for all sorts of reasons - some maybe by accident even - always give a second chance - we have messaged people and subsequently met after this -

However as I said I'd feel second best and that they're only contacting me again because they're not getting anywhere with anyone

if thats how to you choose to think thats the reason they deleted in the first place then so be it - just saying we have met after deleted and there has been reasons for it other than not worthy

Just find it difficult to understand why someone doesn't want me one month and the next month they do"

for all the reasons people have given you

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By *rnortholtMan
over a year ago

E Suffolk

I met a couple and she said thanks but no.

Shame thought I, so when they got back in touch all very apologetic, I thought second chance time for me and them and we met and had a very horny time and then we met again and then again.....

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By *aeBabe OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"I can't believe how personally people are taking this "rejection" nonsense.

If your that easily offended you've picked the wrong pastime!

We have to bulk delete unread emails all the time. It's nothing personal, there just isn't time in the day to read them all, let alone reply! "

I don't think you understood my post...

But you're obviously free to express yourself

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By *aeBabe OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"I don't think it's fair that you should instantly disregard them because this is a swinging site as people get more into it they will want to explore more of there sexuality which is only normal. it doesn't help that people who are seen as 'more desirable' I.e men who are hung and have 6 pacs and slim big boobed women get swamped down in messages so sometimes end up mass deleting with out even giving your message a chance I know this is a stereotype but from looking at profiles that's what people have a preconseption of what there expectations are when I think what people need to realise is swingers are real people yes some of us are toned pornstar looking people but the majority of us are normal everyday people who work 9-5 jobs looking for a release from the real world I never ever disregard anyone if they delete my message because as has been stated multiple times is that people interest change. For example me personally I love Bbws so that's the type of person I message but most times never get a reply and message deleted but I don't give up hope the number of single men on here vastly outweighs that of couples and single women so people are gonna get fed up with constant poor messages and this is a factor to this situation. Myself personally I take the time to reply to all messages (as I don't get that many lol) as I feel just letting the person know that your are or are not interested shows your a nice person and gives th hope that they will find someone on this site. But the key point I wanna reiterate is that swingin is about sexual exploration just cus someone or something isnt for at first doesn't mean it will never be for you

Just as you have every right to change your type and attraction too. You may not be attracted to that person anymore the moment they find you attractive. Works both ways. Sometimes it's a shame when it's the wrong timing.

I hate bad timing.... It's made a few things hard in my life, especially the woman I should be with...

Don't let timing be an issue, it's YOUR problem...

"

It's all about timing though don't you think? In time a person can develop attraction to someone or fall out of like with someone. So yes it may be YOUR problem or issue, but it unfolds that way due to a period of time. In my opinion of course.

I may like someone, message them, message gets deleted, then have them message me after a while and I may still be attracted to them and meet them.

All depends on how much you like them or how badly you wanted to meet them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had this once messaged a guy and he didn't reply then a few months later he mailed me saying he would like to meet, he had previously had a fuck buddy so wasn't meeting alone but they had stopped meeting so would now like to meet

I suppose there are many reasons why people may change their mind

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"I don't think it's fair that you should instantly disregard them because this is a swinging site as people get more into it they will want to explore more of there sexuality which is only normal. it doesn't help that people who are seen as 'more desirable' I.e men who are hung and have 6 pacs and slim big boobed women get swamped down in messages so sometimes end up mass deleting with out even giving your message a chance I know this is a stereotype but from looking at profiles that's what people have a preconseption of what there expectations are when I think what people need to realise is swingers are real people yes some of us are toned pornstar looking people but the majority of us are normal everyday people who work 9-5 jobs looking for a release from the real world I never ever disregard anyone if they delete my message because as has been stated multiple times is that people interest change. For example me personally I love Bbws so that's the type of person I message but most times never get a reply and message deleted but I don't give up hope the number of single men on here vastly outweighs that of couples and single women so people are gonna get fed up with constant poor messages and this is a factor to this situation. Myself personally I take the time to reply to all messages (as I don't get that many lol) as I feel just letting the person know that your are or are not interested shows your a nice person and gives th hope that they will find someone on this site. But the key point I wanna reiterate is that swingin is about sexual exploration just cus someone or something isnt for at first doesn't mean it will never be for you

Just as you have every right to change your type and attraction too. You may not be attracted to that person anymore the moment they find you attractive. Works both ways. Sometimes it's a shame when it's the wrong timing.

I hate bad timing.... It's made a few things hard in my life, especially the woman I should be with...

Don't let timing be an issue, it's YOUR problem...

It's all about timing though don't you think? In time a person can develop attraction to someone or fall out of like with someone. So yes it may be YOUR problem or issue, but it unfolds that way due to a period of time. In my opinion of course.

I may like someone, message them, message gets deleted, then have them message me after a while and I may still be attracted to them and meet them.

All depends on how much you like them or how badly you wanted to meet them."
that's what most people do, your post came over as though you wouldn't meet them must because they deleted your message and didn't jump.

Personally I wouldn't even remember if I had messaged someone and they hasn't replied, I certainly wouldn't be messaging them again. If at a later date they messaged and I did remember I'd must think they had just got round to replying, I think your over thinking it. If someone messages you and shows an interest no matter when, if or why you sent a first message. If you've gone off the idea just you've gone of the idea.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"cant send you message but who the hell wold turn you down you look wow to me"

Use the reply-quote button so people know who you're talking about

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"blimey - people delete messages for all sorts of reasons - some maybe by accident even - always give a second chance - we have messaged people and subsequently met after this -

However as I said I'd feel second best and that they're only contacting me again because they're not getting anywhere with anyone

if thats how to you choose to think thats the reason they deleted in the first place then so be it - just saying we have met after deleted and there has been reasons for it other than not worthy

Just find it difficult to understand why someone doesn't want me one month and the next month they do

for all the reasons people have given you "

So I've read and that's their choice just not mine

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