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Do I know you from X?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

No, you don't.

Seriously guys, this line makes you look like a slimeball. You might *think* you're the only one saying 'Didn't we meet in X a few years ago?' or 'Weren't you in Y pub last week?' but actually it's a common pick up artist technique. And *even I* regularly get messages on this site that look like this (and actually they're dead easy for me to spot - because I've not lived in this area for very long). Today I've had one, yesterday I had one, and I had a couple over the weekend. You are not the only one using this technique.

So basically the point of this technique is to try and guilt women into meeting you - if you've not come across the theory before. You convince someone that you met them a few years ago for some reason, and then the person thinks they must be losing their mind and forgetting who you are. Out of politeness the woman agrees to meet you and then once you've got them in person you can use other techniques on them.

Making someone doubt something that they know to be true (in this case, they don't actually think they've met you, but you're so slimy you've convinced them otherwise) is actually a form of Gaslighting. Gaslighting is when you present false evidence to make someone doubt their own memories. It's actually a common abuse tactic.

So when you're using this 'don't I know you?' technique to make people doubt their own memories and meet you, you're actually being a really bad person.

Don't do it. It's not very nice. Bill wouldn't do this. Be like bill.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Or there's "hey, I haven't heard from/chatted to you in a while" when you know you've never chatted to them and your profile confirms you've never sent them a message.

I more consider it a bit desperate and sad than slimy and abusive.

Then again, I'm happy to say I'm sorry I don't remember you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Or there's "hey, I haven't heard from/chatted to you in a while" when you know you've never chatted to them and your profile confirms you've never sent them a message.

I more consider it a bit desperate and sad than slimy and abusive.

Then again, I'm happy to say I'm sorry I don't remember you."

Yeah I get that quite often before.

"Oh I just deleted my old profile"

"I fancied a fresh start"

"I went back to using this profile"

Etc.

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire


"Or there's "hey, I haven't heard from/chatted to you in a while" when you know you've never chatted to them and your profile confirms you've never sent them a message.

I more consider it a bit desperate and sad than slimy and abusive.

Then again, I'm happy to say I'm sorry I don't remember you."

Oh I hate this! It's so common.

If someone is going to be so deceitful initially, then why would I continue speaking to them or risk meeting them.

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By *manda63Woman
over a year ago

Southampton

These sort of messages are annoying, I dont remember getting any like this on my single profile but I suppose it's better than receiving none at all.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"These sort of messages are annoying, I dont remember getting any like this on my single profile but I suppose it's better than receiving none at all. "

I suppose it's better than receiving none at all if you want to converse with guys who are happy to use mental abuse tactics on you?

It's not really my thing personally, but each to their own.

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By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

So you know woman who "out of politeness " agree to a meet with a guy just because they make out they know them ???

Think that would say more about the woman than the guy . If they haven't the back bone to say a truthful "sorry not me " or feel pressured into meeting for any reason then really don't think the site is the right place for them in my opinion

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By *acavityMan
over a year ago

Redditch

Sometimes it may be genuine.

I've had a woman message me something very similar.

I know I've never had the pleasure of meeting her before.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


" So you know woman who "out of politeness " agree to a meet with a guy just because they make out they know them ???

Think that would say more about the woman than the guy . If they haven't the back bone to say a truthful "sorry not me " or feel pressured into meeting for any reason then really don't think the site is the right place for them in my opinion"

As I said - it's a common abuse technique. It's well documented that pick up artists use this technique and yes, some people do fall for it. People who are practiced at pick up artistry are very, very good at manipulating people.

As with all forms of abuse - it's not the victims fault. And to imply it is, is pretty unpleasant to be honest.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Or assume women have the mental capacity and awareness to spot such tactics (as your good self has) and use their common sense not to meet the man.

Certainly if a lady messaged me and said 'I've met you', she would have to be damn convincing about the where and when and what we were doing and if I didn't fancy her anyway, it would be a pointless effort on her part.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Or assume women have the mental capacity and awareness to spot such tactics (as your good self has) and use their common sense not to meet the man.

Certainly if a lady messaged me and said 'I've met you', she would have to be damn convincing about the where and when and what we were doing and if I didn't fancy her anyway, it would be a pointless effort on her part. "

I've been picked up by a pick up artist before. It was a deeply unpleasant experience once I realised I'd been manipulated into the situation and basically I'd done everything against my will.

It can happen to anyone.

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular


"Or assume women have the mental capacity and awareness to spot such tactics (as your good self has) and use their common sense not to meet the man.

Certainly if a lady messaged me and said 'I've met you', she would have to be damn convincing about the where and when and what we were doing and if I didn't fancy her anyway, it would be a pointless effort on her part. "

I've seen you before

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!


"Or assume women have the mental capacity and awareness to spot such tactics (as your good self has) and use their common sense not to meet the man.

Certainly if a lady messaged me and said 'I've met you', she would have to be damn convincing about the where and when and what we were doing and if I didn't fancy her anyway, it would be a pointless effort on her part.

I've seen you before "

Yeah? How big is my cock then?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be like Bill lol.. even on a swinging site i cant escape the little f##ker

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are also those who "have chatted with you before" but "do not remember what we talked about".

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Be like Bill lol.. even on a swinging site i cant escape the little f##ker "

I know, right?

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!


"There are also those who "have chatted with you before" but "do not remember what we talked about"."

I had one of those from a lady!!! We HAD chatted before though but neither of us could remember what we'd said.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Or assume women have the mental capacity and awareness to spot such tactics (as your good self has) and use their common sense not to meet the man.

Certainly if a lady messaged me and said 'I've met you', she would have to be damn convincing about the where and when and what we were doing and if I didn't fancy her anyway, it would be a pointless effort on her part.

I've been picked up by a pick up artist before. It was a deeply unpleasant experience once I realised I'd been manipulated into the situation and basically I'd done everything against my will.

It can happen to anyone."

There are courses run on how to do it...they've come over from America-you only have to look on Youtube to see videos of examples...it's almost like a form of sexual assault especially when you see the faces of some of the women they force themselves on...

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By *ovely CummingsWoman
over a year ago

Peaky Nipples


"No, you don't.

Seriously guys, this line makes you look like a slimeball. You might *think* you're the only one saying 'Didn't we meet in X a few years ago?' or 'Weren't you in Y pub last week?' but actually it's a common pick up artist technique. And *even I* regularly get messages on this site that look like this (and actually they're dead easy for me to spot - because I've not lived in this area for very long). Today I've had one, yesterday I had one, and I had a couple over the weekend. You are not the only one using this technique.

So basically the point of this technique is to try and guilt women into meeting you - if you've not come across the theory before. You convince someone that you met them a few years ago for some reason, and then the person thinks they must be losing their mind and forgetting who you are. Out of politeness the woman agrees to meet you and then once you've got them in person you can use other techniques on them.

Making someone doubt something that they know to be true (in this case, they don't actually think they've met you, but you're so slimy you've convinced them otherwise) is actually a form of Gaslighting. Gaslighting is when you present false evidence to make someone doubt their own memories. It's actually a common abuse tactic.

So when you're using this 'don't I know you?' technique to make people doubt their own memories and meet you, you're actually being a really bad person.

Don't do it. It's not very nice. Bill wouldn't do this. Be like bill.

"

Yes. Yes, yes, yes!

Nail hit firmly for me

There are some truly wonderful people on this site, but then there are also some that need to be avoided at all costs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Or assume women have the mental capacity and awareness to spot such tactics (as your good self has) and use their common sense not to meet the man.

Certainly if a lady messaged me and said 'I've met you', she would have to be damn convincing about the where and when and what we were doing and if I didn't fancy her anyway, it would be a pointless effort on her part. "

My mental capacity is the size of a thimble. I've received messages from men saying hi,not spoken for a while etc and I can't for the life of me remember them,even though their profile says we have spoken.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Be like Bill lol.. even on a swinging site i cant escape the little f##ker "

Well,he is naked

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have never had this happen on either of my profiles.

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!


" So you know woman who "out of politeness " agree to a meet with a guy just because they make out they know them ???

Think that would say more about the woman than the guy . If they haven't the back bone to say a truthful "sorry not me " or feel pressured into meeting for any reason then really don't think the site is the right place for them in my opinion"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Or there's "hey, I haven't heard from/chatted to you in a while" when you know you've never chatted to them and your profile confirms you've never sent them a message.

I more consider it a bit desperate and sad than slimy and abusive.

Then again, I'm happy to say I'm sorry I don't remember you.

Oh I hate this! It's so common.

If someone is going to be so deceitful initially, then why would I continue speaking to them or risk meeting them. "

Completely agree. Plus they forget With couples you're not sure immediately as the other half might have chatted but then if profile shows no message sent - it puts me right off them immediately .

Sarah

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By *adystephanieTV/TS
over a year ago

glos


"No, you don't.

Seriously guys, this line makes you look like a slimeball. You might *think* you're the only one saying 'Didn't we meet in X a few years ago?' or 'Weren't you in Y pub last week?' but actually it's a common pick up artist technique. And *even I* regularly get messages on this site that look like this (and actually they're dead easy for me to spot - because I've not lived in this area for very long). Today I've had one, yesterday I had one, and I had a couple over the weekend. You are not the only one using this technique.

So basically the point of this technique is to try and guilt women into meeting you - if you've not come across the theory before. You convince someone that you met them a few years ago for some reason, and then the person thinks they must be losing their mind and forgetting who you are. Out of politeness the woman agrees to meet you and then once you've got them in person you can use other techniques on them.

Making someone doubt something that they know to be true (in this case, they don't actually think they've met you, but you're so slimy you've convinced them otherwise) is actually a form of Gaslighting. Gaslighting is when you present false evidence to make someone doubt their own memories. It's actually a common abuse tactic.

So when you're using this 'don't I know you?' technique to make people doubt their own memories and meet you, you're actually being a really bad person.

Don't do it. It's not very nice. Bill wouldn't do this. Be like bill.

"

You are of course assuming there are intelligent men out there capable of this level of manipulation, therefore the argument is seriously flawed

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"Or assume women have the mental capacity and awareness to spot such tactics (as your good self has) and use their common sense not to meet the man.

Certainly if a lady messaged me and said 'I've met you', she would have to be damn convincing about the where and when and what we were doing and if I didn't fancy her anyway, it would be a pointless effort on her part. "
that's why I like you, I'm sorry wasp hunter but I couldn't disagree with you more. People need to start taking responsible for their own actions. Most people would either ignore or say sorry it wasn't me and leave it there. Not all women are vulnerable or delicate or feel the need to meet up with so!some for those reasons. The woman needs to to take responsibility for her actions as well. The guy asks a question, its up to the woman now she responds.

In the last 6 weeks I've had five guys say it to me (I know its five) because four actually did recognise me and one was using it as a chat up line guess what I said to the later? Sorry wasn't me and stopped communication now I'm sorry but if a woman doesn't feel as though she can do that then I'm not sure whether you can entirely blame the guy.

I'm sick to bloody death of people looking for things and making them sinister when they could be stopped with a click of a finger.

When the later guy said it to me did I think he wanted to make me feel guilty or abuse me? No, I thought it was a guy who couldn't think of something original to say.

I'm sick of people thinking all women are are victims, for a bunch of feminists your hell bent on thinking that we can't think for ourselves, are all delicate and vulnerable and not strong independent women that you all seem to advocate.

I'm glad I love in my world where I don't go round reading and over analysing every bloody word that's said to me by someome of the opposite sex

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Or assume women have the mental capacity and awareness to spot such tactics (as your good self has) and use their common sense not to meet the man.

Certainly if a lady messaged me and said 'I've met you', she would have to be damn convincing about the where and when and what we were doing and if I didn't fancy her anyway, it would be a pointless effort on her part. that's why I like you, I'm sorry wasp hunter but I couldn't disagree with you more. People need to start taking responsible for their own actions. Most people would either ignore or say sorry it wasn't me and leave it there. Not all women are vulnerable or delicate or feel the need to meet up with so!some for those reasons. The woman needs to to take responsibility for her actions as well. The guy asks a question, its up to the woman now she responds.

In the last 6 weeks I've had five guys say it to me (I know its five) because four actually did recognise me and one was using it as a chat up line guess what I said to the later? Sorry wasn't me and stopped communication now I'm sorry but if a woman doesn't feel as though she can do that then I'm not sure whether you can entirely blame the guy.

I'm sick to bloody death of people looking for things and making them sinister when they could be stopped with a click of a finger.

When the later guy said it to me did I think he wanted to make me feel guilty or abuse me? No, I thought it was a guy who couldn't think of something original to say.

I'm sick of people thinking all women are are victims, for a bunch of feminists your hell bent on thinking that we can't think for ourselves, are all delicate and vulnerable and not strong independent women that you all seem to advocate.

I'm glad I love in my world where I don't go round reading and over analysing every bloody word that's said to me by someome of the opposite sex

"

That's cool - it's excellent to have your own opinions.

I would just prefer that guys are honest in their approaches rather than using underhanded pickup artist technique. I make no judgement or expectation on how women should respond.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just don't think that this is necessarily being used as a tactic. In some cases, yes. But on the whole, I doubt it. I never get this line on here. Perhaps it's because I don't have public face pics. But maybe the people really do think they know you? Maybe it's nothing but a line to start talking to you.

I'm not saying it's never used to manipulate, just that I don't think it is the primary usage. Personally, I wouldn't meet someone just because they try to convince me I had met them elsewhere. And if I wasn't otherwise attracted to them, this wouldn't change my mind.

-Courtney

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"Or assume women have the mental capacity and awareness to spot such tactics (as your good self has) and use their common sense not to meet the man.

Certainly if a lady messaged me and said 'I've met you', she would have to be damn convincing about the where and when and what we were doing and if I didn't fancy her anyway, it would be a pointless effort on her part.

I've been picked up by a pick up artist before. It was a deeply unpleasant experience once I realised I'd been manipulated into the situation and basically I'd done everything against my will.

It can happen to anyone.

There are courses run on how to do it...they've come over from America-you only have to look on Youtube to see videos of examples...it's almost like a form of sexual assault especially when you see the faces of some of the women they force themselves on..."

Real Social Dynamics. Owen Cook (aka Tyler Durden), Julien Blanc et al.

Nasty scumbags.

One of their mob had his Australian visa cancelled recently because he was over there teaching this shite. The same happened a while ago to Blanc.

Their tactics extend quite a way beyond saying "don't I know you?" though.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"Or assume women have the mental capacity and awareness to spot such tactics (as your good self has) and use their common sense not to meet the man.

Certainly if a lady messaged me and said 'I've met you', she would have to be damn convincing about the where and when and what we were doing and if I didn't fancy her anyway, it would be a pointless effort on her part. that's why I like you, I'm sorry wasp hunter but I couldn't disagree with you more. People need to start taking responsible for their own actions. Most people would either ignore or say sorry it wasn't me and leave it there. Not all women are vulnerable or delicate or feel the need to meet up with so!some for those reasons. The woman needs to to take responsibility for her actions as well. The guy asks a question, its up to the woman now she responds.

In the last 6 weeks I've had five guys say it to me (I know its five) because four actually did recognise me and one was using it as a chat up line guess what I said to the later? Sorry wasn't me and stopped communication now I'm sorry but if a woman doesn't feel as though she can do that then I'm not sure whether you can entirely blame the guy.

I'm sick to bloody death of people looking for things and making them sinister when they could be stopped with a click of a finger.

When the later guy said it to me did I think he wanted to make me feel guilty or abuse me? No, I thought it was a guy who couldn't think of something original to say.

I'm sick of people thinking all women are are victims, for a bunch of feminists your hell bent on thinking that we can't think for ourselves, are all delicate and vulnerable and not strong independent women that you all seem to advocate.

I'm glad I love in my world where I don't go round reading and over analysing every bloody word that's said to me by someome of the opposite sex

That's cool - it's excellent to have your own opinions.

I would just prefer that guys are honest in their approaches rather than using underhanded pickup artist technique. I make no judgement or expectation on how women should respond."
you seem to have such a bloody downer on men constantly, like their all out to get you but someome using a boring chat up line is hardly "underhanded pickup artist technique" there's real abuse out in the word and to use such overdramatic phrases for something so simple does nothing but undermine real victims

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By *hoenixmanMan
over a year ago

Where men are men, and sheep are nervous...!


"Or assume women have the mental capacity and awareness to spot such tactics (as your good self has) and use their common sense not to meet the man.

Certainly if a lady messaged me and said 'I've met you', she would have to be damn convincing about the where and when and what we were doing and if I didn't fancy her anyway, it would be a pointless effort on her part.

I've seen you before

Yeah? How big is my cock then? "

I know! I know!!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

Their tactics extend quite a way beyond saying "don't I know you?" though."

Exactly. The "don't I know you?" is just the intro - to make you stop and think and reply to them with 'I don't think so'. Because when you've replied back you've entered into a conversation with them and *then* they can start applying the nasty stuff.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"you seem to have such a bloody downer on men constantly, like their all out to get you but someome using a boring chat up line is hardly "underhanded pickup artist technique" there's real abuse out in the word and to use such overdramatic phrases for something so simple does nothing but undermine real victims

"

Fair enough - you'e allowed to think whatever you like of me and my threads. I always welcome constructive discussion on anything I post, I think it's very healthy to do so. I personally think that if we removed microaggressions from the word then the big things would start to heal themselves and would become lots easier to manage. You need both a top-down and bottom-up approach to inequality.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


" When the later guy said it to me did I think he wanted to make me feel guilty or abuse me? No, I thought it was a guy who couldn't think of something original to say."

This is how I feel about it too. A few may be trying to manipulate but most, I think are desperate to get noticed and start a conversation any way they can.

It is definitely a tactic used and taught by pickup artists, to manipulate. It's used with other techniques, some of which can be really nasty. I don't think most doing it on here are thinking that way though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have had this approach a few times on here someone will message saying they hadn't heard from us in a while and will try and strike up a conversation.

A simple reminder that we wouldn't have messaged them in the first place as they are ugly works well.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


" When the later guy said it to me did I think he wanted to make me feel guilty or abuse me? No, I thought it was a guy who couldn't think of something original to say.

This is how I feel about it too. A few may be trying to manipulate but most, I think are desperate to get noticed and start a conversation any way they can.

It is definitely a tactic used and taught by pickup artists, to manipulate. It's used with other techniques, some of which can be really nasty. I don't think most doing it on here are thinking that way though."

No, I agree. But my point was - don't do this. It's not nice. Think of another unoriginal thing to say rather than make people wonder if they do know you.

I would imagine most of the people doing this *do not* want to be associated with PUAs, but they might not be aware that they're doing the same thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" When the later guy said it to me did I think he wanted to make me feel guilty or abuse me? No, I thought it was a guy who couldn't think of something original to say.

This is how I feel about it too. A few may be trying to manipulate but most, I think are desperate to get noticed and start a conversation any way they can.

It is definitely a tactic used and taught by pickup artists, to manipulate. It's used with other techniques, some of which can be really nasty. I don't think most doing it on here are thinking that way though."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" When the later guy said it to me did I think he wanted to make me feel guilty or abuse me? No, I thought it was a guy who couldn't think of something original to say.

This is how I feel about it too. A few may be trying to manipulate but most, I think are desperate to get noticed and start a conversation any way they can.

It is definitely a tactic used and taught by pickup artists, to manipulate. It's used with other techniques, some of which can be really nasty. I don't think most doing it on here are thinking that way though.

No, I agree. But my point was - don't do this. It's not nice. Think of another unoriginal thing to say rather than make people wonder if they do know you.

I would imagine most of the people doing this *do not* want to be associated with PUAs, but they might not be aware that they're doing the same thing."

But they aren't doing the same thing if their intentions are completely different. Presumably if their intentions are different they aren't going to pull out the "really nasty" techniques you refer to? I just don't think it's an issue here.

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By *hoenixmanMan
over a year ago

Where men are men, and sheep are nervous...!


"

Their tactics extend quite a way beyond saying "don't I know you?" though.

Exactly. The "don't I know you?" is just the intro - to make you stop and think and reply to them with 'I don't think so'. Because when you've replied back you've entered into a conversation with them and *then* they can start applying the nasty stuff."

Being serious for once... I've been on the receiving end of this kind of 'grooming' - and it IS a form of grooming - which deeply affected me. I got into a relationship with this person and only found out 15 months in that they have a quite severe form of personality disorder (thankfully I have a very good friend who is a psychiatric nurse who spotted it).

As you say, 'don't I know you??' is just the intro - they are already six or seven steps along the thread of the following conversation already and they know EXACTLY where they want it to go.

Ended up in therapy for a year costing ££'000's and took 3 years out of the scene as a result... and that was someone who contacted me through Facebook, not here!

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By *izzabelle and well hungCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh.

If I think I had met someone before I'd say so. I'm very aware of the massively high numbers of fakes and the nasty element on here but I will not let it colour my judgement of everyone. If that was someone's opening line it's up to me to say yes or no. Thank you for making people aware that this is a potential pick up method but you should keep in mind this person might think you had met before.

I met a girlfriends uni friend and his new partner. When I saw her I knew I'd seen her before. So we had a laugh about it but for fun tried to work it out. Turns out all 4 of us had been in the same packed pub on New Year's Eve in Edinburgh and the woman and I had bumped into each other outside the loos but our partners hadn't. The lesson about chance was so profound that if I thought I'd seen someone before since that meeting, I would have no hesitation in saying.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I don't think it's a bad thing to be aware that some men use techniques like this.

I think sometimes we can go a bit too far with concern about being manipulated and looking for it.

I believe most guys on here are genuine and don't have ill intent. I also believe a lot don't have a clue how to start a conversation with a woman they want to shag. They get fixated on the shag part and forget how to interact with another person normally.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


" When the later guy said it to me did I think he wanted to make me feel guilty or abuse me? No, I thought it was a guy who couldn't think of something original to say.

This is how I feel about it too. A few may be trying to manipulate but most, I think are desperate to get noticed and start a conversation any way they can.

It is definitely a tactic used and taught by pickup artists, to manipulate. It's used with other techniques, some of which can be really nasty. I don't think most doing it on here are thinking that way though."
if we wanted to over analize every blood thing said to us I'm sure if we looked really hard and really deep we could find something sinister in every bloody thing said to us. I will just carry on being a woman who takes responsibility for herself and stand up everytime someone tries to think that most women are vulnerable

Poor bloody men who can't say boo to a close without having some negative stuff thrown at them

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By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton


" So you know woman who "out of politeness " agree to a meet with a guy just because they make out they know them ???

Think that would say more about the woman than the guy . If they haven't the back bone to say a truthful "sorry not me " or feel pressured into meeting for any reason then really don't think the site is the right place for them in my opinion

As I said - it's a common abuse technique. It's well documented that pick up artists use this technique and yes, some people do fall for it. People who are practiced at pick up artistry are very, very good at manipulating people.

As with all forms of abuse - it's not the victims fault. And to imply it is, is pretty unpleasant to be honest."

I feel it's unpleasant...

that you are only targeting men . Like women haven't used a chat up line !!

That you are making out a simple ice breaker is abuse .Also really undermines the real mental abuse some are subjected to .

That women don't know their own minds and can't take responsibility for themselves,their actions and are victims.

I also stand by my comment if anyone feels obliged to meet just because someone thinks they are familiar then the site isn't the place for them .Also need to question WHY they feel obliged . That sense of obligation wouldn't just come from afew on line messages or a quick conversation .

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

I feel it's unpleasant...

that you are only targeting men . Like women haven't used a chat up line !!

"

I'm sorry, I've not experienced this from women, and I'm talking from personal experience.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

surely as an intelligent woman is this is happening to you on such a frequent basis wouldn't you start to look at why guys see you as someone that could potentially be manipulated.

"

Well I don't identify as a woman - but sure I see your point.

Why do you think that it happens to me? Because the first thing I did was soul search and try and work out why I come across as so ready to be manipulated, but I couldn't come up with an answer.

Perhaps it's my hair?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Their tactics extend quite a way beyond saying "don't I know you?" though.

Exactly. The "don't I know you?" is just the intro - to make you stop and think and reply to them with 'I don't think so'. Because when you've replied back you've entered into a conversation with them and *then* they can start applying the nasty stuff."

I can understand what you are saying and where this 'tactic' could be used for *nasty stuff* among a more vulnerable group of individuals.

on here I doubt that very much and it's really easy for the other person to look, think nah I don't know you & delete ~ no conversation entered into.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Had thanks for the wink

we are site supporters so it shows who we have winked.

Had a man using a woman's profile message after we went to a busy party saying they saw us and played next to us.I did a bit of digging with the organisers and they were not there.had a few others who were there message the same thing. Scamming twats everywhere

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

but why was he persistent? You could of said no it wasn't me, you could of ignored him, you could of blocked it, yet as someome who seems to be fully aware that guys use this as an "underhand manipulative technique" you still carried on with the conversation. Take some responsibility

"

I guess because I'm polite and I don't just block people if I'm not interested in them?

I think that it's nice to reply to people generally when they've made the effort to message you, and sometimes I've made good friends out of a conversation where I've initially rejected them (not sexual partners - friends).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've only had a few meets from fab so I know exactly who I have met but there are some people who get abusive when I've told them we certainly haven't met before

The ones who stalk using the who is near are just as bad.. Messages saying they have followed me round asda ffs

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"

surely as an intelligent woman is this is happening to you on such a frequent basis wouldn't you start to look at why guys see you as someone that could potentially be manipulated.

Well I don't identify as a woman - but sure I see your point.

Why do you think that it happens to me? Because the first thing I did was soul search and try and work out why I come across as so ready to be manipulated, but I couldn't come up with an answer.

Perhaps it's my hair?"
or that you could be reading things that arnt actually there?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Or assume women have the mental capacity and awareness to spot such tactics (as your good self has) and use their common sense not to meet the man.

Certainly if a lady messaged me and said 'I've met you', she would have to be damn convincing about the where and when and what we were doing and if I didn't fancy her anyway, it would be a pointless effort on her part. that's why I like you, I'm sorry wasp hunter but I couldn't disagree with you more. People need to start taking responsible for their own actions. Most people would either ignore or say sorry it wasn't me and leave it there. Not all women are vulnerable or delicate or feel the need to meet up with so!some for those reasons. The woman needs to to take responsibility for her actions as well. The guy asks a question, its up to the woman now she responds.

In the last 6 weeks I've had five guys say it to me (I know its five) because four actually did recognise me and one was using it as a chat up line guess what I said to the later? Sorry wasn't me and stopped communication now I'm sorry but if a woman doesn't feel as though she can do that then I'm not sure whether you can entirely blame the guy.

I'm sick to bloody death of people looking for things and making them sinister when they could be stopped with a click of a finger.

When the later guy said it to me did I think he wanted to make me feel guilty or abuse me? No, I thought it was a guy who couldn't think of something original to say.

I'm sick of people thinking all women are are victims, for a bunch of feminists your hell bent on thinking that we can't think for ourselves, are all delicate and vulnerable and not strong independent women that you all seem to advocate.

I'm glad I love in my world where I don't go round reading and over analysing every bloody word that's said to me by someome of the opposite sex

That's cool - it's excellent to have your own opinions.

I would just prefer that guys are honest in their approaches rather than using underhanded pickup artist technique. I make no judgement or expectation on how women should respond.you seem to have such a bloody downer on men constantly, like their all out to get you but someome using a boring chat up line is hardly "underhanded pickup artist technique" there's real abuse out in the word and to use such overdramatic phrases for something so simple does nothing but undermine real victims

"

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"

but why was he persistent? You could of said no it wasn't me, you could of ignored him, you could of blocked it, yet as someome who seems to be fully aware that guys use this as an "underhand manipulative technique" you still carried on with the conversation. Take some responsibility

I guess because I'm polite and I don't just block people if I'm not interested in them?

I think that it's nice to reply to people generally when they've made the effort to message you, and sometimes I've made good friends out of a conversation where I've initially rejected them (not sexual partners - friends)."
OK, let's get this right, a guy messages you saying "we've met for coffee before" in your words that's typical manipulative message. Having received such message you then chose to get into conversation with the guy. Why on earth wouldn't you block someone or ignore them if they where using those phrases. You really really need to stop blaming others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's an ice breaker, nothing more or less. The fact that is also used by conmen is because it's a pretty damn good ice breaker. e"

It's not an ice breaker .. It's creepy and most often untrue

Why would anyone want to chat to someone who is so devious?

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"I don't think it's a bad thing to be aware that some men use techniques like this.

I think sometimes we can go a bit too far with concern about being manipulated and looking for it.

I believe most guys on here are genuine and don't have ill intent. I also believe a lot don't have a clue how to start a conversation with a woman they want to shag. They get fixated on the shag part and forget how to interact with another person normally."

Too true! I finally blocked someone on my friends list the other day because every single time he contacted me it included something about 'Oh I'm so horny today'.....Top tip gents,don't make your prospective meet feel like you want to use her like a premium rate line.....

I had someone last week seemingly convinced we had slept together in a hotel near Heathrow..... nope, never done that!

I think most of the time is a desperate ploy to initiate a conversation.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"It's an ice breaker, nothing more or less. The fact that is also used by conmen is because it's a pretty damn good ice breaker. e

It's not an ice breaker .. It's creepy and most often untrue

Why would anyone want to chat to someone who is so devious?"
it might be creepy to you but you can't deny its used as an icebreaker. But you just block and move on

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"

surely as an intelligent woman is this is happening to you on such a frequent basis wouldn't you start to look at why guys see you as someone that could potentially be manipulated.

Well I don't identify as a woman - but sure I see your point.

Why do you think that it happens to me? Because the first thing I did was soul search and try and work out why I come across as so ready to be manipulated, but I couldn't come up with an answer.

Perhaps it's my hair?"

Small, slight build? They see you as potentially easy to 'overpower' (metaphorically or physically speaking)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


" To say that conmen devised this line is complete horseradish. "

Well, it's a very good job that absolutely nobody on this thread has said that then, isn't it?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I'm a child of the fifties we were brought up to think that men would use all sorts of tactics to get us women to have sex with them so I was and still am cynical about men's motives without assuming that they're all abusers. How come my first marriage was to a man who used lies such as this in every possible situation until I actually doubted what I had seen with my own eyes? I'm not the most intelligent of people but I'm not stupid either and I certainly take responsibility for my own actions and safety but the nature of this kind of abuse or whatever you want to call it is that it could happen to anybody, it plays into your social conditioning in the first instance.

Could it happen to me again? I like to think not I can spot a liar at a hundred paces nowadays...or can I?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

@ Wasp Hunter

Sometimes it may be genuine but I totally agree, if someone ones opening gambit is a lie then whatever happens afterwards is manipulative and being done 'to a victim'

You did manage to ruin your street cred with "I have never been to Coventry for anything other than Ikea", I so assumed you made your own furniture from welding car parts and whole-grain pasta!

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

OP, don't I know you from the forums on fab?

(runs and hides behind the sofa in case my attempt at humour bombs)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"

but why was he persistent? You could of said no it wasn't me, you could of ignored him, you could of blocked it, yet as someome who seems to be fully aware that guys use this as an "underhand manipulative technique" you still carried on with the conversation. Take some responsibility

I guess because I'm polite and I don't just block people if I'm not interested in them?

I think that it's nice to reply to people generally when they've made the effort to message you, and sometimes I've made good friends out of a conversation where I've initially rejected them (not sexual partners - friends). OK, let's get this right, a guy messages you saying "we've met for coffee before" in your words that's typical manipulative message. Having received such message you then chose to get into conversation with the guy. Why on earth wouldn't you block someone or ignore them if they where using those phrases. You really really need to stop blaming others

"

I also agree with this, if you recognise something as potential abuse you walk the other way.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"@ Wasp Hunter

Sometimes it may be genuine but I totally agree, if someone ones opening gambit is a lie then whatever happens afterwards is manipulative and being done 'to a victim'

You did manage to ruin your street cred with "I have never been to Coventry for anything other than Ikea", I so assumed you made your own furniture from welding car parts and whole-grain pasta!"

I find that quinoa works better as glue, actually.

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

I get messages like this like this a couple of times a week and I find it really off putting.

I had no idea that it was a documented technique I just thought people where chancing that I would go along with it.

The icing on the cake came very recently though where a guy insisted that he had actually had an intimate time with me - I had never set eyes on him before.

It's very true that the people using this technique probably have no idea that it's such a common technique on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op you seem like a very intelligent person and certainly know what you want on here.

here is the but, you look and read like the sterotypicalaly sort of person that gets easily offended by either words or labels or just the actions of regular run of the mill normal people.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I have heard it all now...men trying to get into womens knickers using a line they think might work is mental abuse? If the woman was stupid enough to believe the man on his say so then maybe they shouldnt be on an adult site.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Op you seem like a very intelligent person and certainly know what you want on here.

here is the but, you look and read like the sterotypicalaly sort of person that gets easily offended by either words or labels or just the actions of regular run of the mill normal people. "

Actually, I'm not offended at all here. To be offended means 'resentful or annoyed, typically as a result of a perceived insult.'

I'm not resentful or annoyed because of a perceived insult. I'm sick of so many guys using underhanded techniques and lying. And I feel sorry for the guys that do it who don't realise what they're doing.

Maybe I'm a little bit irritated that I get these messages, but I'm neither resentful or annoyed. Nor have I been insulted.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Ok after reading the rest, please keep it general rather than specific conversations as that is airing dirty washing.

Also, if you are going to post please keep away from personal jibes.

Thanks

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


" And I feel sorry for the guys that do it who don't realise what they're doing.

d."

They probably know they are doing it as a way of getting fun on a Swinging site. Most adults on here would realise that happens ( from women too ) and answer or not accordingly.

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By *iggles and BeardyCouple
over a year ago

Bristol


"I have heard it all now...men trying to get into womens knickers using a line they think might work is mental abuse? If the woman was stupid enough to believe the man on his say so then maybe they shouldnt be on an adult site."

No surprise, since just saying hi these days or smiling is seen as sexual harassment. Only the other day I saw a Facebook post saying unsolicited advise is rape... The worlds gone mad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

just reply if we have met you never made any impression as i have an amazing memory for good things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Or there's "hey, I haven't heard from/chatted to you in a while" when you know you've never chatted to them and your profile confirms you've never sent them a message.

I more consider it a bit desperate and sad than slimy and abusive.

Then again, I'm happy to say I'm sorry I don't remember you."

I get this all the time, I find it hilarious that they think I'll fall for it.

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By *iggles and BeardyCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

We get the odd message of do I know you, never bothered us. Have heard it in pub, even said it in pub as guess what... A lot of people look realy bloody similar. Especially those with an "alternative" look.

Once accidentally got off with 3 different women at a club and didn't even know until mates told me and number 1 got offended that I didn't talk to her all night. I was d*unk and I swear they were like little blond clones!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was once told "I've not met you but I've met your type"

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

You think you know me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In glad you've posted this personally. I have read about these kinds of techniques for all sorts of things. Using a persons good nature to manipulate.

I get quite a few messages asking me to meet for dogging but then don't want to enter any conversation as pass it off as my loss. My face pics, no car registration etc.

Also 'I know a woman who really wants you to go to her house tonight'. Really?? 'She doesn't have a profile on here but she's hot and wants you tonight'. Again no photos etc.

This is a very simple thing I know, and I would never meet under such circumstances.

You can't always blame the victim though as people get conned in all walks of life, many out of their life savings.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"I get messages like this like this a couple of times a week and I find it really off putting.

I had no idea that it was a documented technique I just thought people where chancing that I would go along with it.

The icing on the cake came very recently though where a guy insisted that he had actually had an intimate time with me - I had never set eyes on him before.

"

Wasn't supposed to be in a hotel in Heathrow was it?

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular


"I get messages like this like this a couple of times a week and I find it really off putting.

I had no idea that it was a documented technique I just thought people where chancing that I would go along with it.

The icing on the cake came very recently though where a guy insisted that he had actually had an intimate time with me - I had never set eyes on him before.

Wasn't supposed to be in a hotel in Heathrow was it? "
was that you? Thought you looked familiar

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.


"I get messages like this like this a couple of times a week and I find it really off putting.

I had no idea that it was a documented technique I just thought people where chancing that I would go along with it.

The icing on the cake came very recently though where a guy insisted that he had actually had an intimate time with me - I had never set eyes on him before.

Wasn't supposed to be in a hotel in Heathrow was it? "

No idea as I refused to take the conversation further. I knew without any doubt he was either fantasising or confused. and it without any doubt, wasn't me, so I didn't ask him the the where's and when's of the situation.

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By *ustOneNightCouple
over a year ago

Blackpool

Fully support the OP's message.

Can't be bothered to engage with arguments though. Lol.

Just wanted to put my voice in with the message.

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By *manda63Woman
over a year ago

Southampton


"These sort of messages are annoying, I dont remember getting any like this on my single profile but I suppose it's better than receiving none at all.

I suppose it's better than receiving none at all if you want to converse with guys who are happy to use mental abuse tactics on you?

It's not really my thing personally, but each to their own."

I didn't realise they had used those tactics on you. Sorry

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By *adystephanieTV/TS
over a year ago

glos

Personally I have never received a message such as the one mentioned by the op, and if I happened to I would just think it amusing that a guy would use such a corny line to try and get a meet

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By *orthern PowerhouseMan
over a year ago

Chesterfield

So block and ignore if you think they are a scammer over thinking it is a total waste of time.

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire


"I just don't think that this is necessarily being used as a tactic. In some cases, yes. But on the whole, I doubt it. I never get this line on here. Perhaps it's because I don't have public face pics. But maybe the people really do think they know you? Maybe it's nothing but a line to start talking to you.

I'm not saying it's never used to manipulate, just that I don't think it is the primary usage. Personally, I wouldn't meet someone just because they try to convince me I had met them elsewhere. And if I wasn't otherwise attracted to them, this wouldn't change my mind.

-Courtney "

I've had it used as tactics because I've pulled them up about it and they've admitted it. Said it works mostly as an 'in' and then they say they must be mistaken and continue the conversation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I just don't think that this is necessarily being used as a tactic. In some cases, yes. But on the whole, I doubt it. I never get this line on here. Perhaps it's because I don't have public face pics. But maybe the people really do think they know you? Maybe it's nothing but a line to start talking to you.

I'm not saying it's never used to manipulate, just that I don't think it is the primary usage. Personally, I wouldn't meet someone just because they try to convince me I had met them elsewhere. And if I wasn't otherwise attracted to them, this wouldn't change my mind.

-Courtney

I've had it used as tactics because I've pulled them up about it and they've admitted it. Said it works mostly as an 'in' and then they say they must be mistaken and continue the conversation. "

I said in some cases it might be. I don't think it is generally meant to be abuse, though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

wasp, you are a beautiful young lady. You take life far to seriously.

X

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire


"I just don't think that this is necessarily being used as a tactic. In some cases, yes. But on the whole, I doubt it. I never get this line on here. Perhaps it's because I don't have public face pics. But maybe the people really do think they know you? Maybe it's nothing but a line to start talking to you.

I'm not saying it's never used to manipulate, just that I don't think it is the primary usage. Personally, I wouldn't meet someone just because they try to convince me I had met them elsewhere. And if I wasn't otherwise attracted to them, this wouldn't change my mind.

-Courtney

I've had it used as tactics because I've pulled them up about it and they've admitted it. Said it works mostly as an 'in' and then they say they must be mistaken and continue the conversation.

I said in some cases it might be. I don't think it is generally meant to be abuse, though."

I never said it was abuse. It's a slimy deceitful way of starting convo though. So I'd never meet anyone that used this technique. If they've lied from the opening line, then they don't go any further.

I think most of them do it without thinking. They are trying to find ways of getting a reply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My favourite is the "thanks so much for the fab!" Or the "how have you been? Nice talking to you again!" on here...

I mean I'm almost a grandma, granted, but no Alzheimer's just yet...

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By *ojos party boyMan
over a year ago

Merseyside

I will admit i sent one of these messages to a couple that always appear on "who's near",

one day they put up a face pic of the F, it's only a regular customer from work, i did the same (put up a face pic) proceeds to block me yet still comes into our work lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I just don't think that this is necessarily being used as a tactic. In some cases, yes. But on the whole, I doubt it. I never get this line on here. Perhaps it's because I don't have public face pics. But maybe the people really do think they know you? Maybe it's nothing but a line to start talking to you.

I'm not saying it's never used to manipulate, just that I don't think it is the primary usage. Personally, I wouldn't meet someone just because they try to convince me I had met them elsewhere. And if I wasn't otherwise attracted to them, this wouldn't change my mind.

-Courtney

I've had it used as tactics because I've pulled them up about it and they've admitted it. Said it works mostly as an 'in' and then they say they must be mistaken and continue the conversation.

I said in some cases it might be. I don't think it is generally meant to be abuse, though.

I never said it was abuse. It's a slimy deceitful way of starting convo though. So I'd never meet anyone that used this technique. If they've lied from the opening line, then they don't go any further.

I think most of them do it without thinking. They are trying to find ways of getting a reply. "

Sorry, the abuse bit was referring back to the OP.

And yes, I agree, they are using it to get a reply. Exactly. But that is very different then trying to manipulate someone's memory and prey on them. Again, I know you didn't say that, I'm referring to the OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In real life, I often have people tell me they have met me before, when I know they haven't. There has bee no underhand intention in their words, as far as I can make out. I laugh and say I must have a few doppelgängers because I'm told it so often.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So block and ignore if you think they are a scammer over thinking it is a total waste of time."

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By *iggles and BeardyCouple
over a year ago

Bristol


"In real life, I often have people tell me they have met me before, when I know they haven't. There has bee no underhand intention in their words, as far as I can make out. I laugh and say I must have a few doppelgängers because I'm told it so often. "

I do this for fun, when I'm introduced to people I never met. The look on their face is great while they try to decide what to reply.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"wasp, you are a beautiful young lady. You take life far to seriously.

X"

Please don't refer to me as a lady. Thanks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"wasp, you are a beautiful young lady. You take life far to seriously.

X

Please don't refer to me as a lady. Thanks."

Dear god

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"wasp, you are a beautiful young lady. You take life far to seriously.

X

Please don't refer to me as a lady. Thanks.

Dear god"

Problem?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In real life, I often have people tell me they have met me before, when I know they haven't. There has bee no underhand intention in their words, as far as I can make out. I laugh and say I must have a few doppelgängers because I'm told it so often.

I do this for fun, when I'm introduced to people I never met. The look on their face is great while they try to decide what to reply. "

The first time it happened I thought about it. When I realised it was bollocks I started using the doppelgänger line.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No, you don't.

Seriously guys, this line makes you look like a slimeball. You might *think* you're the only one saying 'Didn't we meet in X a few years ago?' or 'Weren't you in Y pub last week?' but actually it's a common pick up artist technique. And *even I* regularly get messages on this site that look like this (and actually they're dead easy for me to spot - because I've not lived in this area for very long). Today I've had one, yesterday I had one, and I had a couple over the weekend. You are not the only one using this technique.

So basically the point of this technique is to try and guilt women into meeting you - if you've not come across the theory before. You convince someone that you met them a few years ago for some reason, and then the person thinks they must be losing their mind and forgetting who you are. Out of politeness the woman agrees to meet you and then once you've got them in person you can use other techniques on them.

Making someone doubt something that they know to be true (in this case, they don't actually think they've met you, but you're so slimy you've convinced them otherwise) is actually a form of Gaslighting. Gaslighting is when you present false evidence to make someone doubt their own memories. It's actually a common abuse tactic.

So when you're using this 'don't I know you?' technique to make people doubt their own memories and meet you, you're actually being a really bad person.

Don't do it. It's not very nice. Bill wouldn't do this. Be like bill.

"

None of that made any sense

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By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago

London

Was about to post something like this, but saw this topic.

Some guys will message me privately or in the chat rooms and say didn't I see you at X, Y, or Z. Usually I say no, even if I live in the area that they mentioned. It's really creepy especially when this comes from people you have no interest in.

Or I get messages from people saying we have messaged before and do you want to meet? Good thing I use private notes, and can ignore those I have politely rejected before.

I have no desire to meet those that assume they know you or you have something shared, I won't be guilt tripped or curious to message or meet people like that.

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By *irceWoman
over a year ago

Gloucester


"No, you don't.

Seriously guys, this line makes you look like a slimeball. You might *think* you're the only one saying 'Didn't we meet in X a few years ago?' or 'Weren't you in Y pub last week?' but actually it's a common pick up artist technique. And *even I* regularly get messages on this site that look like this (and actually they're dead easy for me to spot - because I've not lived in this area for very long). Today I've had one, yesterday I had one, and I had a couple over the weekend. You are not the only one using this technique.

So basically the point of this technique is to try and guilt women into meeting you - if you've not come across the theory before. You convince someone that you met them a few years ago for some reason, and then the person thinks they must be losing their mind and forgetting who you are. Out of politeness the woman agrees to meet you and then once you've got them in person you can use other techniques on them.

Making someone doubt something that they know to be true (in this case, they don't actually think they've met you, but you're so slimy you've convinced them otherwise) is actually a form of Gaslighting. Gaslighting is when you present false evidence to make someone doubt their own memories. It's actually a common abuse tactic.

So when you're using this 'don't I know you?' technique to make people doubt their own memories and meet you, you're actually being a really bad person.

Don't do it. It's not very nice. Bill wouldn't do this. Be like bill.

"

Good post...I had I seen you the other day in town......really! Mr obvious that is a poor try and I hate chat like that...

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