FabSwingers.com forum: why do people cheat?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I csnt understand why guys/girls cheat on there partner?

Wouldnt it be fsir to say that if yout cheating then clearly your not wanting to be with your partner?

Why not come clean and maybe say you want to try swinging or even that you dont want to be together..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No it wouldn't be fair to say that at all.

Everyone has their own backstory. I posted once exactly why I was here. You'd be surprised how many PMs I got, from men and women, in exactly the same situation. My inbox had never been busier. But I'm not going to repeat it all today.

Some people will say it's black and white. Cheaters should leave their partners as they can't love them.

All I'll say is .. walk in their shoes first then judge.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The reasons are many and varied, almost as many reasons as there are couples.

Some will say it's never justified. Others will say their circumstances make it justified and some people are just shits to their partners.

But you know something? There are nearly as many judgemental people who from behind the keyboard will condemn others without having a clue as to the full situation.

Would I (Mr) have an affair? I would like to think not and in 17 years haven't. But if the good lady did, I would also have to look at myself and see whether I did anything to make it happen.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Fair point.

In my opinion if i was looking to go behind my gf/wifes back and sleep/see another girl then id clearly feel that i didnt love ot need to be with her.

I just want to know why you do it and hoe it makes you feel.

No bad feelings here.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Loads of reasons. They like the excitement. They want more sex. They want more variety. They can.

Some are in a bad relationship. Some want to have their cake and eat it. Some have partners who've gone off sex or with sexual dysfunction. Some are away from home a lot and bored/lonely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Out of interest fella, I note you have a long term partner from another thread you started (the green arrow is your friend) - yet you're here on a single male profile.

Any reason it's not a couples profile? You've just said you don't want to go behind their back?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

have never cheated

end of

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

they justify it to themselves, rather than to others.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

It's the ones that feel as though they have to justify their actions that I don't understand. Coming on the forums shouting about it. I have no problem at all whether someone is married I just have a problem with those that shout about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I could sit here and type out the reasons why I'm here, but that's just my circumstance and doesn't answer your question as to why people cheat. It would just tell you why I've made that decision in my marriage.

What I can tell you is it wasn't an easy decision and it no way takes away from the love I have for my husband and my family.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Loads of reasons. They like the excitement. They want more sex. They want more variety. They can.

Some are in a bad relationship. Some want to have their cake and eat it. Some have partners who've gone off sex or with sexual dysfunction. Some are away from home a lot and bored/lonely."

Ok so would it not be fair to say that if you felt you needed to cheat because your partner was away frequently (to earn a living for his/her family) that they should express that they feel lonely and need somebody there to be with them and for their sex life?

Or if your partner has a sexual disfunction and or isnt into sex anymore that theyd understand that and would atleast need to raise the question of should we not try swinging so its controlled and bith parties accept whats happening and are aware of this?

Thr lost goes on, and for some who cheat for the sake of it i can understand why people do it in return, but for certain reasons like above, i dont feel its justifiable..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Loads of reasons. They like the excitement. They want more sex. They want more variety. They can.

Some are in a bad relationship. Some want to have their cake and eat it. Some have partners who've gone off sex or with sexual dysfunction. Some are away from home a lot and bored/lonely."

And some think about kids that may be involved and stay for that reason. Divorce destroys children!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I could sit here and type out the reasons why I'm here, but that's just my circumstance and doesn't answer your question as to why people cheat. It would just tell you why I've made that decision in my marriage.

What I can tell you is it wasn't an easy decision and it no way takes away from the love I have for my husband and my family. "

exactly. There is no 'one size fits all' answer. Everyone's journey to that decision will be different. Some reasons more understandable than others perhaps. But it's not always black and white

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By *aneandpaulCouple
over a year ago

cleveleys

Both have admitted to each other we would have cheated if we had not started swinging

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok here's another thought...

Why do couples that swing cheat?? It happens a lot. They are apparently open with each other sexually yet still one or the other of them meets in secret???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

in a perfect world no body would cheat and everyone would live happily ever after,the sun would shine all day and there would be no wars or bad stuff,but we are human and with that comes flaws,temptation emotion and the grass always looks greener on the other side and sadly it's not a perfect world

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"Ok here's another thought...

Why do couples that swing cheat?? It happens a lot. They are apparently open with each other sexually yet still one or the other of them meets in secret??? "

because some people just can't stop themselves from being a lying cheat & the excitement.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And some think about kids that may be involved and stay for that reason. Divorce destroys children!"

No it doesn't - parents fighting in front of children can cause damage too. It all depends how a split is managed by the parents.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because they want sex with others while retaining the benefits they get from being married.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Loads of reasons. They like the excitement. They want more sex. They want more variety. They can.

Some are in a bad relationship. Some want to have their cake and eat it. Some have partners who've gone off sex or with sexual dysfunction. Some are away from home a lot and bored/lonely.

Thr lost goes on, and for some who cheat for the sake of it i can understand why people do it in return, but for certain reasons like above, i dont feel its justifiable.."

I'm not commenting on the validity or rights and wrongs of the reasons. I can't be arsed.

You asked why. The answer is lots of reasons and I gave some examples.

One partner may be quite happy whilst the other isn't, in which case suggesting swinging probably wouldn't go down well.

Swinging is definitely not for everyone.

If the cheating party thought suggesting swinging was a valid option, I'd suspect they'd suggest it rather than having to cheat.

There's also the possibility that they want to cheat but don't want to share their partner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And some think about kids that may be involved and stay for that reason. Divorce destroys children!

No it doesn't - parents fighting in front of children can cause damage too. It all depends how a split is managed by the parents. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fair point.

In my opinion if i was looking to go behind my gf/wifes back and sleep/see another girl then id clearly feel that i didnt love ot need to be with her.

I just want to know why you do it and hoe it makes you feel.

No bad feelings here. "

Just a small thing I noticed

... u have a single guys profile x

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Loads of reasons. They like the excitement. They want more sex. They want more variety. They can.

Some are in a bad relationship. Some want to have their cake and eat it. Some have partners who've gone off sex or with sexual dysfunction. Some are away from home a lot and bored/lonely.

And some think about kids that may be involved and stay for that reason. Divorce destroys children!"
I couldn't disagree more, wny would divorce destroy a child and surely if a partner finds out they are being cheated on the risk of divorce is there.

I'm sure if a child was witnessing a domestic abusive relationship everyday you wouldn't be saying the child would be destroyed by divorce more like the other way round.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Before you judge a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. That way when you do you'll be a mile away and you'll have his shoes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What are your reasons for cheating on your long term partner OP?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone have there own reason as I have mine if it does not effect you move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

plus i want my cake and eat it too and i'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fair point.

In my opinion if i was looking to go behind my gf/wifes back and sleep/see another girl then id clearly feel that i didnt love ot need to be with her.

I just want to know why you do it and hoe it makes you feel.

No bad feelings here.

Just a small thing I noticed

... u have a single guys profile x"

You can't travel or accom...

The way your last comment sounds if u have a gf now xxx

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"plus i want my cake and eat it too p"

I think that's a very honest answer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What are your reasons for cheating on your long term partner OP? "

Op has gone very quiet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, you have your reasons for thinking it's not justified. Crack on.

What I don't think is justifiable is judging others when you haven't a clue as to people full stories.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Fair point.

In my opinion if i was looking to go behind my gf/wifes back and sleep/see another girl then id clearly feel that i didnt love ot need to be with her.

I just want to know why you do it and hoe it makes you feel.

No bad feelings here.

Just a small thing I noticed

... u have a single guys profile x

You can't travel or accom...

The way your last comment sounds if u have a gf now xxx"

I use this profile to use the forums i enjoy reading peoples _iews and comments. Or to post my own..

I dont meet here hence no photos verifications or descriptions.

We used to use this site on a couples profile fot a few years but couldnt find any meets that suited us locally. Now as i said,i keep on this site for the forums and see whos new locally and if anybody comes along we like well create a new profile but nothing yet.

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By *ransGuyTV/TS
over a year ago

Cardiff

"And some think about kids that may be involved and stay for that reason. Divorce destroys children!"

So does staying in a marriage that isn't working. Been there twice, and looking back I wish I had been old enough the first time to realise what was going on (I barely remember it apart from the odd flash backs that remind me that I'm glad I don't remember it), and brave enough the second time to step in to tell them to fucking grow up and seperate, but instead I just hid away.

After my Mum and Dad divorced things between them got a lot better, after my Mum and Step-Dad divorced we never saw him again and life got so much better.

Children see, hear and pick up on more than parents realise and it's that that distroys children.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Because they want sex with others while retaining the benefits they get from being married."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Take stephanie from CBB for an example.. shes got a bf and claims she wants to marry him move in together, yet then shes all over jeremy telling him she loves him etc.. now this is an example of what im trying to say.. im not trying to say those who have a valid reason as to those who are in difficult relationships shouldnt.

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

"Loads of reasons. They like the excitement. They want more sex. They want more variety. They can.

Some are in a bad relationship. Some want to have their cake and eat it. Some have partners who've gone off sex or with sexual dysfunction. Some are away from home a lot and bored/lonely.

And some think about kids that may be involved and stay for that reason. Divorce destroys children!"

It certainly destroyed my children for a while just the sheer fact their daddy wasn't in the house anymore. We never argued infront of them and I kept my tears away from them for the most part,but to have a devastated child in your arms is not something I would want someone else to experience when I asked their dad to leave. Of course I then turned into the bad one for not letting daddy come back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Loads of reasons. They like the excitement. They want more sex. They want more variety. They can.

Some are in a bad relationship. Some want to have their cake and eat it. Some have partners who've gone off sex or with sexual dysfunction. Some are away from home a lot and bored/lonely.

And some think about kids that may be involved and stay for that reason. Divorce destroys children!"

Disagree big style with this. My parents eventually divorced when i was 16. I wish they did it years before. They stayed together for the kids. It was awful. They clearly didn't get on or want to be together but they thought that they were doing what's best for the kids. They weren't.

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By *allipygousMan
over a year ago

Leicester

"Loads of reasons. They like the excitement. They want more sex. They want more variety. They can.

Some are in a bad relationship. Some want to have their cake and eat it. Some have partners who've gone off sex or with sexual dysfunction. Some are away from home a lot and bored/lonely."

When I buy cake I eat it, it's what you're supposed to do with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone has a reason to do what they do in life? The only person they have to justify it to is themselves. Can you accept the life choices you make? Why do people stop in jobs they hate? Why do people complain about politics and yet not go out to vote? Why do people say I wish I could lose some weight, while eating junk food 24/7? We all have to power to change whatever in life but sometimes we choose not too because it's easier.

There is a difference between a reason and an excuse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And some think about kids that may be involved and stay for that reason. Divorce destroys children!

No it doesn't - parents fighting in front of children can cause damage too. It all depends how a split is managed by the parents. "

I don't mean to come across as judgemental because I do understand the complexities here. I mean these as general comments and not aimed at any individual. However, I dislike the parts of modern thinking that try to downplay the negative effects of divorce on children. The effects are pretty obvious and watch any documentary on gangs and youth crime and you see the same trend over and over - the boys don't have a strong male role model around (i.e their dad)

I also find it amusing that in this country, a lot of people look down upon arranged marriages but at the same time the divorce rate from people who marry for 'love' is far worse.

The divorce rate implies that either the average person is pretty piss poor at picking a life partner that they won't genuinely end up with irreconcilable differences. Or that we have a culture that promotes a fresh start over the harder option of fixing the current marriage (I believe it's more the latter). It's my opinion that when children are involved, there's no such concept as a fresh start.

I'm not saying that no situation can be better off with divorce, I just think that most aren't.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

And some think about kids that may be involved and stay for that reason. Divorce destroys children!

No it doesn't - parents fighting in front of children can cause damage too. It all depends how a split is managed by the parents.

I also find it amusing that in this country, a lot of people look down upon arranged marriages but at the same time the divorce rate from people who marry for 'love' is far worse.

I'm not saying that no situation can be better off with divorce, I just think that most aren't."

very good post

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Loads of reasons. They like the excitement. They want more sex. They want more variety. They can.

Some are in a bad relationship. Some want to have their cake and eat it. Some have partners who've gone off sex or with sexual dysfunction. Some are away from home a lot and bored/lonely.

And some think about kids that may be involved and stay for that reason. Divorce destroys children!

You may have tried your best to keep it away from them but they would have picked up on tension xx

Kids are not blinded to it as we think xx

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

When we first joined fab I was vehemently opposed to people who were here without their partner, over time that's changed.

A relationship is more than sex and if people love each other one of them having sex with someone else really isn't important enough to break the whole relationship. I still reserve a special contempt for the whiners the boasters and the blamers though.

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

"I csnt understand why guys/girls cheat on there partner?

Wouldnt it be fsir to say that if yout cheating then clearly your not wanting to be with your partner?

Why not come clean and maybe say you want to try swinging or even that you dont want to be together..

At 25, I could never understand this either; now I'm a tad old, I see things differently and realise that these things aren't black or white - relationships are complex things.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"When we first joined fab I was vehemently opposed to people who were here without their partner, over time that's changed.

I still reserve a special contempt for the whiners the boasters and the blamers though."

100%

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

I presumed the op would be in his 50's for some reason not 25. Haven't a clue why..

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By *ransGuyTV/TS
over a year ago

Cardiff

" Staying together for the kids." taught me when I was a child that I was the reason that my parents hated each other and that I was to blame for all the arguments, if I wasn't around then they would be free to move on with their lives.

But when my parents divorced they actually stayed apart so the arguing and tension stopped. Only my Mum and Dad were in contact with each other but the pressure had gone and Dad was no longer beating her up so life was so much better!

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"When we first joined fab I was vehemently opposed to people who were here without their partner, over time that's changed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And some think about kids that may be involved and stay for that reason. Divorce destroys children!

No it doesn't - parents fighting in front of children can cause damage too. It all depends how a split is managed by the parents.

I also find it amusing that in this country, a lot of people look down upon arranged marriages but at the same time the divorce rate from people who marry for 'love' is far worse.

I'm not saying that no situation can be better off with divorce, I just think that most aren't."

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

"When we first joined fab I was vehemently opposed to people who were here without their partner, over time that's changed.

It was for me,no matter how hard I tried to tell myself it was just sex he had my heart told me different. It was the lies and deceit as well that goes along with cheating.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fair point.

In my opinion if i was looking to go behind my gf/wifes back and sleep/see another girl then id clearly feel that i didnt love ot need to be with her.

I just want to know why you do it and hoe it makes you feel.

No bad feelings here.

Just a small thing I noticed

... u have a single guys profile x

You can't travel or accom...

The way your last comment sounds if u have a gf now xxx

I use this profile to use the forums i enjoy reading peoples _iews and comments. Or to post my own..

I dont meet here hence no photos verifications or descriptions.

If that was the case why don't you put something in your profile saying not meeting? X

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

[Removed by poster at 24/01/16 10:00:09]

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"When we first joined fab I was vehemently opposed to people who were here without their partner, over time that's changed.

It was for me,no matter how hard I tried to tell myself it was just sex he had my heart told me different. It was the lies and deceit as well that goes along with cheating. "

I can understand that, I'm assuming honesty and understanding.

It's a minefield isn't it. In an ideal world two people would start with a blank canvas, they would love each other and as time went on discuss openly their changing needs, both would feel the same way about monogamy and their sexual desire would be evenly matched throughout the course of their relationship, each ones needs for intimacy emotional and physical would always be met and cheating wouldn't even be an issue because everyone would be in a relationship where having more than one sexual partner was ok or not as the case may be. Sadly life is a sticky, messed up, confused affair along with the people in it.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Fair point.

In my opinion if i was looking to go behind my gf/wifes back and sleep/see another girl then id clearly feel that i didnt love ot need to be with her.

I just want to know why you do it and hoe it makes you feel.

No bad feelings here.

Just a small thing I noticed

... u have a single guys profile x

You can't travel or accom...

The way your last comment sounds if u have a gf now xxx

I use this profile to use the forums i enjoy reading peoples _iews and comments. Or to post my own..

I dont meet here hence no photos verifications or descriptions.

If that was the case why don't you put something in your profile saying not meeting? X"
why should he? It's hardly a profile inviting all and sundry to message him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The number of so called straight men who cheat on their unaware wife's with other men is quite shocking but it's on their conscience.

If the same men cheat on their unaware wife's with other women is that more acceptable ? It clearly is for some but the point I'm making is cheating is exactly that cheating , no matter who is involved it's still deceitful.

The lengths some people will go to for their own sexual gratification is amazing and they only care about their own needs, at the end of the day.

I'm not having a go at anybody here BTW it's non of my business but I tend to avoid such people my choice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok here's another thought...

Why do couples that swing cheat?? It happens a lot. They are apparently open with each other sexually yet still one or the other of them meets in secret??? "

Because they aren't happy in their relationship

My marriage was just like that, I used to meet with my ex, I later found that that he was also meeting women without me knowing, it was a woman we used to meet together, they had been meeting behind my back for months and going to clubs and playing with other couples without me knowing, if there was more than her I don't knw

Only explanation for this was he preferred her to me

Why he didn't just leave me and just be with her I still don't know to this day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Loads of reasons. They like the excitement. They want more sex. They want more variety. They can.

Some are in a bad relationship. Some want to have their cake and eat it. Some have partners who've gone off sex or with sexual dysfunction. Some are away from home a lot and bored/lonely.

And some think about kids that may be involved and stay for that reason. Divorce destroys children!"

This! The only reason I am still in the relationship, is because of my young daughter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fair point.

In my opinion if i was looking to go behind my gf/wifes back and sleep/see another girl then id clearly feel that i didnt love ot need to be with her.

I just want to know why you do it and hoe it makes you feel.

No bad feelings here.

Just a small thing I noticed

... u have a single guys profile x

You can't travel or accom...

The way your last comment sounds if u have a gf now xxx

I use this profile to use the forums i enjoy reading peoples _iews and comments. Or to post my own..

I dont meet here hence no photos verifications or descriptions.

If that was the case why don't you put something in your profile saying not meeting? Xwhy should he? It's hardly a profile inviting all and sundry to message him.

That way he isn't gonna get slated like he has just been on here x

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By *allipygousMan
over a year ago

Leicester

"When we first joined fab I was vehemently opposed to people who were here without their partner, over time that's changed.

It was for me,no matter how hard I tried to tell myself it was just sex he had my heart told me different. It was the lies and deceit as well that goes along with cheating.

I can understand that, I'm assuming honesty and understanding.

Referencing another thread where you said something along the lines that you struggle to keep up with some intellectual conversations... I say you don't have to be intellectual to have wisdom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Because they want sex with others while retaining the benefits they get from being married."

This

And because they can

Because they want to

Because they are unhappy or as many say...they are happy they just want excitement

Because it's naughty and that's exciting

Because they want to live a little

I'm single btw.. Not that it matter, if I was on the end of the cheating I'd be heartbroken

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

"When we first joined fab I was vehemently opposed to people who were here without their partner, over time that's changed.

It was for me,no matter how hard I tried to tell myself it was just sex he had my heart told me different. It was the lies and deceit as well that goes along with cheating.

I can understand that, I'm assuming honesty and understanding.

I agree with everything you've said. It would be great if those that did cheat could see the future and it's consequences. Maybe just maybe they would rethink their actions and take a different course and communicate with each other. Maybe not I don't know suppose in my case the temptation was put in front of him and he took it...

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

Why do people cheat? Its because humans are not designed to be monogamous creatures. People of all religions, cultures and time periods have cheated. Even the shape of the male penis is designed to dislodge the sperm of previous lovers, so it is deeply ingrained in us to seek multiple lovers. However from a societal perspective, monogamy is much simpler to manage. If you consider the accumulation of wealth and land, its much harder to pass this down from one generation to another if everyone is fucking everyone and no one guys who's kids are who.

Our swinging story began with seeing friends and family being ripped apart by cheating, even from couples who seemingly had loved each other just as much as we loved each other. It is obvious that love isn't always enough to overcome the urge to have sex with multiple partners. So we thought instead of trying to deny it, we would do the opposite, and have sex with other people and be open and honest about it through swinging.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"When we first joined fab I was vehemently opposed to people who were here without their partner, over time that's changed.

It was for me,no matter how hard I tried to tell myself it was just sex he had my heart told me different. It was the lies and deceit as well that goes along with cheating.

I can understand that, I'm assuming honesty and understanding.

Referencing another thread where you said something along the lines that you struggle to keep up with some intellectual conversations... I say you don't have to be intellectual to have wisdom."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Because they want sex with others while retaining the benefits they get from being married."

I think this sums it up perfectly.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"Because they want sex with others while retaining the benefits they get from being married.

I think this sums it up perfectly.

I agree

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So who cheats more men ot women?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"So who cheats more men ot women?"

Neither, (some) men just can't keep quiet about it.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"So who cheats more men ot women?"

on here, I think the same.

Men just publish it more........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So who cheats more men ot women?"

Men aren't very good at keeping it to themselves or not getting caught.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Take stephanie from CBB for an example.. shes got a bf and claims she wants to marry him move in together, yet then shes all over jeremy telling him she loves him etc.. now this is an example of what im trying to say.. im not trying to say those who have a valid reason as to those who are in difficult relationships shouldnt."

Who says that she's cheating? They might be swingers. They might be poly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Divorce doesn't destroy children!!!

It may destroy some children depending on how parents handle it ... Some go on to have extra loving life without parents arguing .., new partners ( good in some cases ... Not in others ) ... New extended families ( also good in some cases not in others )

I was divorced I love my kids, so does their dad .., and step dad & step mum

So ... Win win

Life is a box of chocolates !!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So who cheats more men ot women?"

It's pretty even x but I'd say men slightly more and that's not being sexist. But the average family men have more opportunity to cheat because he will go work while she stays home with kids ect x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So who cheats more men ot women?"

Statistically speaking there's virtually no difference. But they do cheat for different reasons. Broadly speaking, the male motivations are more physical and the women's motivations are more emotional.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And some think about kids that may be involved and stay for that reason. Divorce destroys children!

No it doesn't - parents fighting in front of children can cause damage too. It all depends how a split is managed by the parents.

I also find it amusing that in this country, a lot of people look down upon arranged marriages but at the same time the divorce rate from people who marry for 'love' is far worse.

I'm not saying that no situation can be better off with divorce, I just think that most aren't."

Are people in arranged marriages allowed to divorce? Surely it's very much discouraged within certain communities. Hence the statistics can't be compared.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Divorce doesn't destroy children!!!

I was divorced I love my kids, so does their dad .., and step dad & step mum

So ... Win win

Life is a box of chocolates !!!

I agree

In some cases staying together for the sake of your children can be more damaging than splitting up

It's a very sweeping statement to say devirce destroys children as each cause and marriage is unique

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a cheat. I cheat because I need the touch of a man. My husband has not given me so much as a cuddle in almost 3 years. Yes, I've asked why. Yes I've cried and still do.

I don't feel strong enough to leave him though.

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By *avebabeWoman
over a year ago

Bromsgrove

I've been there. You do get strong x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are as many different reasons as there are people.

You will never understand anyone's particular relationship unless you are one of the people in it. You can choose to think all of the reasons are bullshit, none of the reasons are bullshit or any combination in between. If there's one thing that's clear its that people have their own fixed positions on what they think on this topic - which is usually informed by their own experience - and it's futile trying to challenge that in any way.

Oh, and if you ever do anything other than meekly hide quietly on here and not ever mention anything, you'll be accused of jumping up and down trying to justify yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And some think about kids that may be involved and stay for that reason. Divorce destroys children!

No it doesn't - parents fighting in front of children can cause damage too. It all depends how a split is managed by the parents.

I also find it amusing that in this country, a lot of people look down upon arranged marriages but at the same time the divorce rate from people who marry for 'love' is far worse.

I'm not saying that no situation can be better off with divorce, I just think that most aren't.

Are people in arranged marriages allowed to divorce? Surely it's very much discouraged within certain communities. Hence the statistics can't be compared. "

The statistics are comparable, you're just identifying multiple factors that contribute to them. My post was about a broad culture and attitude towards divorce here that personally, I find curt.

Yes there is certainly a cultural correlation where arranged marriages tend to take place in cultures that strongly discourage divorce, although it is allowed and does happen.

I'm just saying that in our culture, we tend to scoff at the idea but in many ways it's results speak for themselves.

The biggest difference I see with my Indian friends who had arranged marriages are that they believe you learn to love someone. I think they learn about their partners to a greater depth than the average westerner and I think that makes it easier to resolve disputes later. In the west, there is too much notion that you should fall head over heels in love at first sight and if that excitement ever fades then it's time to move on. Exaggerated for dramatic effect but do you see the cultural contrast in drawing?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a cheat. I cheat because I need the touch of a man. My husband has not given me so much as a cuddle in almost 3 years. Yes, I've asked why. Yes I've cried and still do.

I don't feel strong enough to leave him though. "

I can think of at least 3 ex-girlfriends where I used the line "if you won't fuck me then I'll find someone else that will".

Fortunately they were just girlfriends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are as many different reasons as there are people.

Oh, and if you ever do anything other than meekly hide quietly on here and not ever mention anything, you'll be accused of jumping up and down trying to justify yourself. "

Very well put xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have noticed couple of things ,some couples that rush into marriage or do for the wrong reason often end up one or both partners have an affair. No saying all just some.

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By *dam and slutCouple
over a year ago

Manchester

"I'm a cheat. I cheat because I need the touch of a man. My husband has not given me so much as a cuddle in almost 3 years. Yes, I've asked why. Yes I've cried and still do.

I don't feel strong enough to leave him though. "

The most heart felt and honest reply to a thread l have read so far. .l sincerely hope, you find that reconnection you want.

Warmest Adam

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a cheat. I cheat because I need the touch of a man. My husband has not given me so much as a cuddle in almost 3 years. Yes, I've asked why. Yes I've cried and still do.

I don't feel strong enough to leave him though.

I can think of at least 3 ex-girlfriends where I used the line "if you won't fuck me then I'll find someone else that will".

Fortunately they were just girlfriends. "

I've said that. I come clean and told him I'd cheated. He asked 'who'. I told him 'loads'. He called me a slut and then never mentioned it again. It's a weird situation.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"There are as many different reasons as there are people.

Oh, and if you ever do anything other than meekly hide quietly on here and not ever mention anything, you'll be accused of jumping up and down trying to justify yourself. "
but some do jump up and down trying to justify themselves. Then there are those that just quietly get on with it