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couples that play seperatly

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Just things that rattle around in my mind....

But do people judge couples that play separately ( with knowledge and consent of their partners ) as less committed ?

I don't but it's something that came up in conversation...

I find it incredibly hard to do myself but have friends that we see at clubs and parties that will even go to events without the partner ... Someone commented And said that they can't be that committed if they can do that...

Now I disagree and wish we could but for reasons that are my own it makes me feel very uncomfortable

So what do other forumittes think...

The comment btw was aimed at one lady that is happily married and meets both with and without her partner ... The other were a couple that don't live together but have until recently only played together.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't judge them as being less committed. I can see where the turn on is. It is a different type of play, that's all.

I mean, someone who doesn't swing would probably say Marc and I are less committed than non-swingers and I'd say they are wrong. So, I think this is a case of people who have a different opinion/relationship judging something they don't really know much about (as in the other couple's relationship).

-Courteny

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By *eMontresMan
over a year ago

Halesowen

We couldn't care less what other people think of our relationship - it's our business

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By *HAITRAVELLERSCouple
over a year ago

DONCASTER

Wow.....that's a sweeping judgement ! We have been married for 43 years and we have played separately, different rooms, different houses, different dates and even in different countries but that has NEVER diminished our commitment to each other, after 43 years together we must be doing something right !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No because see couples can have kids and the only time they get away is go separate as it's hard sometimes to get a babysitter for swinging. Or even one partner could be working away. If they both work it like that I don't see any issues with couples playing away separate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is never a right or wrong, playing seperately does not make you any less committed to the one you love, afterall you go home to them and share your life with them x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People on here will judge you for anything and everything

You only have to read the forums to see how self righteous a lot are on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People on here will judge you for anything and everything

You only have to read the forums to see how self righteous a lot are on here "

I'm going to judge you for this post.

-Courtney

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People on here will judge you for anything and everything

You only have to read the forums to see how self righteous a lot are on here

I'm going to judge you for this post.

-Courtney"

Point proven

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think it says anything about their level of commitment to each other or their relationship...I almost think they must be even more committed to each other if anything...it's not for us because we enjoy this journey together...but I admire people who are able to do it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't see how anyone on this site can possibly judge anyone else. However, separate play is not something I could get my head around. But each to their own.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think it necessarily says anything about their relationship, some are comfortable with it, some aren't. We don't play separately because there isn't anyone else we would prefer to spend our leisure time with than each other, it's that simple for us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't say it makes them any less committed, just more comfortable and open about their sexual feelings maybe. Me and ess wouldn't play separate but only because we do this together as a joint experience, we like to watch each other and join in with each other too. You have to have a very strong relationship to be able to play separately and still be good with each other, would send a lot of people mad with jealousy or insecurities.

Peach

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just things that rattle around in my mind....

But do people judge couples that play separately ( with knowledge and consent of their partners ) as less committed ?

I don't but it's something that came up in conversation...

I find it incredibly hard to do myself but have friends that we see at clubs and parties that will even go to events without the partner ... Someone commented And said that they can't be that committed if they can do that...

Now I disagree and wish we could but for reasons that are my own it makes me feel very uncomfortable

So what do other forumittes think...

The comment btw was aimed at one lady that is happily married and meets both with and without her partner ... The other were a couple that don't live together but have until recently only played together. "
well I personally think that swinging for most couples not ALL will eventually lead to problems I know 3 couples who've split doing it ,eventually you meet someone you like and get feelings for them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We couldn't care less what other people think of our relationship - it's our business"

This

I'm constantly surprised at just how judgmental the "swinging community" can be.

V xxx

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

I don't agree.

How people meet and play is down to them, but I have found that many people seem to think that their way is the ONLY right way and that if you do things differently then You are wrong.

I am totally committed to my 30 year relationship with my husband but we don't play together. We go to clubs together but always play separately. It works for us but I understand that it may not work for everyone, but I don't think that either of us are a better/stronger couple.

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By *HAITRAVELLERSCouple
over a year ago

DONCASTER

The hardest part with separate room fun ( or any other similar scenario )is finding another couple who enjoys the same, who like the look of each other and then live near enough to make it happen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We couldn't care less what other people think of our relationship - it's our business

This

I'm constantly surprised at just how judgmental the "swinging community" can be.

V xxx

"

Tbh, I'm constantly surprised at people who think swingers are really any different to other people...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get told I'm not in real relationships with my partners regularly by swingers.

I don't really give a fuck to be honest. The multi-year relationship histories I have with them prove more than some stupid marriage contract.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"We couldn't care less what other people think of our relationship - it's our business"

Exactly this. Who cares about the uninformed judgements other people make.

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

Not for us, as we like to experience each other having fun, with someone else, so we wouldn't consider separate rooms. But I know it works for others and as long as you have a tight relationship, I don't see it as a problem. I don't feel the question of commitment comes into it ,personally.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I get told I'm not in real relationships with my partners regularly by swingers.

I don't really give a fuck to be honest. The multi-year relationship histories I have with them prove more than some stupid marriage contract."

I don't feel marriage contracts are stupd, that's not like you to make such a statement

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Just things that rattle around in my mind....

But do people judge couples that play separately ( with knowledge and consent of their partners ) as less committed ?

I don't but it's something that came up in conversation...

I find it incredibly hard to do myself but have friends that we see at clubs and parties that will even go to events without the partner ... Someone commented And said that they can't be that committed if they can do that...

Now I disagree and wish we could but for reasons that are my own it makes me feel very uncomfortable

So what do other forumittes think...

The comment btw was aimed at one lady that is happily married and meets both with and without her partner ... The other were a couple that don't live together but have until recently only played together. well I personally think that swinging for most couples not ALL will eventually lead to problems I know 3 couples who've split doing it ,eventually you meet someone you like and get feelings for them "

You put the little halo but its obviously an inflammatory comment.. Swinging doesn't lead to problems but often problems lead a couple to try swinging.

I wish We could get the separate play aspect back to how we used to but currently it just makes me feel uneasy.. So we dont.

You do need to have a thick skin on here.... and I think in my experience the playing separate seems to work best with those that hae been in long term extremely committed relationships.. maybe thats because of the level of trust involved..

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford


"I get told I'm not in real relationships with my partners regularly by swingers.

I don't really give a fuck to be honest. The multi-year relationship histories I have with them prove more than some stupid marriage contract.

I don't feel marriage contracts are stupd, that's not like you to make such a statement "

Me neither, don't really see it as a contract either, but I suppose legally it is. We just enjoy our long term relationship.

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By *ieutenantMan
over a year ago

london

In fab forum don't expect everyone to agree to your sex life.What you like.may be gross to others.Including me.somone posted swinging when pregnant. I didn't like the idea. But some do. That's the fact of life.what I won't do is to insult OP.no matter how daft the question may sound.We need to respect free speech.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I get told I'm not in real relationships with my partners regularly by swingers.

I don't really give a fuck to be honest. The multi-year relationship histories I have with them prove more than some stupid marriage contract.

I don't feel marriage contracts are stupd, that's not like you to make such a statement "

I generally have a very poor opinion of the state being involved in romantic relationships.

I have no problem with people holding a ceremony to declare their love to each other in front of their friends and family l. I have a problem with those who believe their relationships are better than others because they signed a government contract. It is essentially a contract that grants tax benefits and solidifies someone as next of kin. The two parts - the romantic ceremony and the government contract - should not be confused.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife and I have totally separate profiles

We don't meet as a couple.

She will have her meets, which I will take her to, drop her off and pick her up when she is ready.

This works well for us and is how we prefer it

100% committed as a couple

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I get told I'm not in real relationships with my partners regularly by swingers.

I don't really give a fuck to be honest. The multi-year relationship histories I have with them prove more than some stupid marriage contract.

I don't feel marriage contracts are stupd, that's not like you to make such a statement

I generally have a very poor opinion of the state being involved in romantic relationships.

I have no problem with people holding a ceremony to declare their love to each other in front of their friends and family l. I have a problem with those who believe their relationships are better than others because they signed a government contract. It is essentially a contract that grants tax benefits and solidifies someone as next of kin. The two parts - the romantic ceremony and the government contract - should not be confused."

I agree I was just surprised at you making what seemed to me to be a bit of a judgemental statement, that's all.

I have never and will never explain to anybody our reasons for entering into a contract with each other but I don't consider them or the contract stupid.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does playing separately mean you're more or less committed ? Nope , it just means that's what you like doing .

It can be so horny sharing experiences afterwards when you're together .

We tried it , didn't like it , so stopped playing separately . We don't get the chance to get out together that often , and prefer to spend that time together . That's our preference .

We certainly wouldn't judge anyone else for what they prefer .

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By *irty Girty From No 30Woman
over a year ago

Burbage


"Just things that rattle around in my mind....

But do people judge couples that play separately ( with knowledge and consent of their partners ) as less committed ?

I don't but it's something that came up in conversation...

I find it incredibly hard to do myself but have friends that we see at clubs and parties that will even go to events without the partner ... Someone commented And said that they can't be that committed if they can do that...

Now I disagree and wish we could but for reasons that are my own it makes me feel very uncomfortable

So what do other forumittes think...

The comment btw was aimed at one lady that is happily married and meets both with and without her partner ... The other were a couple that don't live together but have until recently only played together. well I personally think that swinging for most couples not ALL will eventually lead to problems I know 3 couples who've split doing it ,eventually you meet someone you like and get feelings for them

You put the little halo but its obviously an inflammatory comment.. Swinging doesn't lead to problems but often problems lead a couple to try swinging.

I wish We could get the separate play aspect back to how we used to but currently it just makes me feel uneasy.. So we dont.

You do need to have a thick skin on here.... and I think in my experience the playing separate seems to work best with those that hae been in long term extremely committed relationships.. maybe thats because of the level of trust involved..

"

So are you saying you don't trust yourself or your partner and thats reason you no longer do sep room?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We occasionally play like this and it works for us. I will sometimes go to a club and leave hubby at home. He likes to imagine what im doing, then i come home and tell him all about it and a very horny,steamy play with each other occurs from this.

Dollx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Just things that rattle around in my mind....

But do people judge couples that play separately ( with knowledge and consent of their partners ) as less committed ?

I don't but it's something that came up in conversation...

I find it incredibly hard to do myself but have friends that we see at clubs and parties that will even go to events without the partner ... Someone commented And said that they can't be that committed if they can do that...

Now I disagree and wish we could but for reasons that are my own it makes me feel very uncomfortable

So what do other forumittes think...

The comment btw was aimed at one lady that is happily married and meets both with and without her partner ... The other were a couple that don't live together but have until recently only played together. well I personally think that swinging for most couples not ALL will eventually lead to problems I know 3 couples who've split doing it ,eventually you meet someone you like and get feelings for them

You put the little halo but its obviously an inflammatory comment.. Swinging doesn't lead to problems but often problems lead a couple to try swinging.

I wish We could get the separate play aspect back to how we used to but currently it just makes me feel uneasy.. So we dont.

You do need to have a thick skin on here.... and I think in my experience the playing separate seems to work best with those that hae been in long term extremely committed relationships.. maybe thats because of the level of trust involved..

So are you saying you don't trust yourself or your partner and thats reason you no longer do sep room?"
I'd not swing at all If I didn't trust him. I find it boring And pointless without him involved... I was just saying that maybe it takes a deeper level of trust.

We used to swing separately quite successfully but what we enjoyed changed

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By *irty Girty From No 30Woman
over a year ago

Burbage


"Just things that rattle around in my mind....

But do people judge couples that play separately ( with knowledge and consent of their partners ) as less committed ?

I don't but it's something that came up in conversation...

I find it incredibly hard to do myself but have friends that we see at clubs and parties that will even go to events without the partner ... Someone commented And said that they can't be that committed if they can do that...

Now I disagree and wish we could but for reasons that are my own it makes me feel very uncomfortable

So what do other forumittes think...

The comment btw was aimed at one lady that is happily married and meets both with and without her partner ... The other were a couple that don't live together but have until recently only played together. well I personally think that swinging for most couples not ALL will eventually lead to problems I know 3 couples who've split doing it ,eventually you meet someone you like and get feelings for them

You put the little halo but its obviously an inflammatory comment.. Swinging doesn't lead to problems but often problems lead a couple to try swinging.

I wish We could get the separate play aspect back to how we used to but currently it just makes me feel uneasy.. So we dont.

You do need to have a thick skin on here.... and I think in my experience the playing separate seems to work best with those that hae been in long term extremely committed relationships.. maybe thats because of the level of trust involved..

So are you saying you don't trust yourself or your partner and thats reason you no longer do sep room? I'd not swing at all If I didn't trust him. I find it boring And pointless without him involved... I was just saying that maybe it takes a deeper level of trust.

We used to swing separately quite successfully but what we enjoyed changed

"

I understood what you meant by level of trust to which i agree, thats not what i asked though, i asked whether you didn't trust yourself or him in sep rooms to now feel uneasy to play in that scenario?

Reason i asked was because if you didnt trust yourself or partner to level of trust required for sep play, maybe this might be reason your thoughts are stirring about commitment and the way people play.

Im at no point questioning your commitment yo each other, but there seems to be some level if trust lost if you no longer feel comfortable with one aspect if play that you now feel uneasy with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We occasionally play like this and it works for us. I will sometimes go to a club and leave hubby at home. He likes to imagine what im doing, then i come home and tell him all about it and a very horny,steamy play with each other occurs from this.

Dollx "

Oh forgot to say as far as i know no ones commented on the way we play when ive met people alone in clubs and explained where hubby is.

Doll x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Just things that rattle around in my mind....

But do people judge couples that play separately ( with knowledge and consent of their partners ) as less committed ?

I don't but it's something that came up in conversation...

I find it incredibly hard to do myself but have friends that we see at clubs and parties that will even go to events without the partner ... Someone commented And said that they can't be that committed if they can do that...

Now I disagree and wish we could but for reasons that are my own it makes me feel very uncomfortable

So what do other forumittes think...

The comment btw was aimed at one lady that is happily married and meets both with and without her partner ... The other were a couple that don't live together but have until recently only played together. well I personally think that swinging for most couples not ALL will eventually lead to problems I know 3 couples who've split doing it ,eventually you meet someone you like and get feelings for them

You put the little halo but its obviously an inflammatory comment.. Swinging doesn't lead to problems but often problems lead a couple to try swinging.

I wish We could get the separate play aspect back to how we used to but currently it just makes me feel uneasy.. So we dont.

You do need to have a thick skin on here.... and I think in my experience the playing separate seems to work best with those that hae been in long term extremely committed relationships.. maybe thats because of the level of trust involved..

So are you saying you don't trust yourself or your partner and thats reason you no longer do sep room? I'd not swing at all If I didn't trust him. I find it boring And pointless without him involved... I was just saying that maybe it takes a deeper level of trust.

We used to swing separately quite successfully but what we enjoyed changed

I understood what you meant by level of trust to which i agree, thats not what i asked though, i asked whether you didn't trust yourself or him in sep rooms to now feel uneasy to play in that scenario?

Reason i asked was because if you didnt trust yourself or partner to level of trust required for sep play, maybe this might be reason your thoughts are stirring about commitment and the way people play.

Im at no point questioning your commitment yo each other, but there seems to be some level if trust lost if you no longer feel comfortable with one aspect if play that you now feel uneasy with"

I find it boring if I'm honest and I'm uneasy playing without him there as I don't feel secure. I can relax and enjoy . I am quite happy to sit back and watch him with a lady or couple but if he isn't there enjoying what I'm doing I find it uncomfortable. More to do with me not enjoying it than anything else.

No one has commented on us as I can't do separate play anymore but do not see anything wrong with those couples that do.

However as when we last played separately other people did interfere there is probably a level of that in my subconscious and maybe the reason I find it dull and boring now where as before I found it exciting ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I get told I'm not in real relationships with my partners regularly by swingers.

I don't really give a fuck to be honest. The multi-year relationship histories I have with them prove more than some stupid marriage contract.

I don't feel marriage contracts are stupd, that's not like you to make such a statement

I generally have a very poor opinion of the state being involved in romantic relationships.

I have no problem with people holding a ceremony to declare their love to each other in front of their friends and family l. I have a problem with those who believe their relationships are better than others because they signed a government contract. It is essentially a contract that grants tax benefits and solidifies someone as next of kin. The two parts - the romantic ceremony and the government contract - should not be confused.

I agree I was just surprised at you making what seemed to me to be a bit of a judgemental statement, that's all.

I have never and will never explain to anybody our reasons for entering into a contract with each other but I don't consider them or the contract stupid."

Perhaps pointless is a better word than stupid. But then I consider most things like that pointless when it comes to the government. I shouldn't be required to sign a government contract stating my romantic inclinations in order to access certain benefits. Living as a poly person who has *two or more* important partners opens your eyes to see how restricted things can become if you refuse to prioritise one over another with the government.

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By *irty Girty From No 30Woman
over a year ago

Burbage


"Just things that rattle around in my mind....

But do people judge couples that play separately ( with knowledge and consent of their partners ) as less committed ?

I don't but it's something that came up in conversation...

I find it incredibly hard to do myself but have friends that we see at clubs and parties that will even go to events without the partner ... Someone commented And said that they can't be that committed if they can do that...

Now I disagree and wish we could but for reasons that are my own it makes me feel very uncomfortable

So what do other forumittes think...

The comment btw was aimed at one lady that is happily married and meets both with and without her partner ... The other were a couple that don't live together but have until recently only played together. well I personally think that swinging for most couples not ALL will eventually lead to problems I know 3 couples who've split doing it ,eventually you meet someone you like and get feelings for them

You put the little halo but its obviously an inflammatory comment.. Swinging doesn't lead to problems but often problems lead a couple to try swinging.

I wish We could get the separate play aspect back to how we used to but currently it just makes me feel uneasy.. So we dont.

You do need to have a thick skin on here.... and I think in my experience the playing separate seems to work best with those that hae been in long term extremely committed relationships.. maybe thats because of the level of trust involved..

So are you saying you don't trust yourself or your partner and thats reason you no longer do sep room? I'd not swing at all If I didn't trust him. I find it boring And pointless without him involved... I was just saying that maybe it takes a deeper level of trust.

We used to swing separately quite successfully but what we enjoyed changed

I understood what you meant by level of trust to which i agree, thats not what i asked though, i asked whether you didn't trust yourself or him in sep rooms to now feel uneasy to play in that scenario?

Reason i asked was because if you didnt trust yourself or partner to level of trust required for sep play, maybe this might be reason your thoughts are stirring about commitment and the way people play.

Im at no point questioning your commitment yo each other, but there seems to be some level if trust lost if you no longer feel comfortable with one aspect if play that you now feel uneasy with

I find it boring if I'm honest and I'm uneasy playing without him there as I don't feel secure. I can relax and enjoy . I am quite happy to sit back and watch him with a lady or couple but if he isn't there enjoying what I'm doing I find it uncomfortable. More to do with me not enjoying it than anything else.

No one has commented on us as I can't do separate play anymore but do not see anything wrong with those couples that do.

However as when we last played separately other people did interfere there is probably a level of that in my subconscious and maybe the reason I find it dull and boring now where as before I found it exciting ..."

To that i agree, i was just trying to understand more. I was getting confused about used to do, no longer do, want to get back to, however from your response you don't find it enjoyable so I don't think realistically you want yo get back to it, however i may be wrong, correct me if I am.

I struggle to see how sex is boring though, whether with one person or group, but that's just me, i like sex in any scenario, i appreciate others don't.

With reference to your original post I personally don't think the examples you explained show a lack of commitment, I just think its way some play, each to their own. I cant say I've ever heard personally anyone comment of someones lack of commitment though.

Could i pose another question, you say all of this is boring unless you do it together, how would you feel if your partner wanted single meets without you present? Or if your partner asked you to both stop swinging, would that satisfy you or would sex with just one man forever become boring?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

To that i agree, i was just trying to understand more. I was getting confused about used to do, no longer do, want to get back to, however from your response you don't find it enjoyable so I don't think realistically you want yo get back to it, however i may be wrong, correct me if I am. "

I wish we could but I know that how I feel currently that Id hate it.. But we used to really enjoy it.


"

I struggle to see how sex is boring though, whether with one person or group, but that's just me, i like sex in any scenario, i appreciate others don't.

"

I never bothered with one on one sex.. or intimate sex before with Mr Deviant. I still do not enjoy one on one contact with anyone else.. ( there are reasons that stem from a long time ago which would make perfect sense )


"

With reference to your original post I personally don't think the examples you explained show a lack of commitment, I just think its way some play, each to their own. I cant say I've ever heard personally anyone comment of someones lack of commitment though.

Could i pose another question, you say all of this is boring unless you do it together, how would you feel if your partner wanted single meets without you present? Or if your partner asked you to both stop swinging, would that satisfy you or would sex with just one man forever become boring?"

Id never be monogamous. and I would be quite upset if Mr wanted to meet without me present if I am honest.. Even though when we first started as a couple he would go to things.. but not one on one with others.. One on one is something that I dont wish to share... It would most likely end us.

AS rightly or wrongly for me it would feel that I was not enough for him one on one. but I never share intimacy with others... Only sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think it's an individual thing. I guess some couples feeling swinging is relationship enhancing in that it's something done together ('we always play together')....and for some it's more of a sport and either can attend different events....no right answer is there ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We occasionally play like this and it works for us. I will sometimes go to a club and leave hubby at home. He likes to imagine what im doing, then i come home and tell him all about it and a very horny,steamy play with each other occurs from this.

Dollx "

This is our MO as well. Works for us.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Think it's an individual thing. I guess some couples feeling swinging is relationship enhancing in that it's something done together ('we always play together')....and for some it's more of a sport and either can attend different events....no right answer is there ? "
oh God no.. there is no real answer. We have both done this as singles, together in all variations. And have friends that all do it slightly different.

I just was shocked to hear people make such a statement.. even the things I don't like personally or understand I live by the thought of do what you will but hurt no one ...

I've been quite open about my own issues/ views on this... But I do envy those that have the ability to only do what is right for them and not let others views influence them at all.

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By *irty Girty From No 30Woman
over a year ago

Burbage


"

To that i agree, i was just trying to understand more. I was getting confused about used to do, no longer do, want to get back to, however from your response you don't find it enjoyable so I don't think realistically you want yo get back to it, however i may be wrong, correct me if I am.

I wish we could but I know that how I feel currently that Id hate it.. But we used to really enjoy it.

I struggle to see how sex is boring though, whether with one person or group, but that's just me, i like sex in any scenario, i appreciate others don't.

I never bothered with one on one sex.. or intimate sex before with Mr Deviant. I still do not enjoy one on one contact with anyone else.. ( there are reasons that stem from a long time ago which would make perfect sense )

With reference to your original post I personally don't think the examples you explained show a lack of commitment, I just think its way some play, each to their own. I cant say I've ever heard personally anyone comment of someones lack of commitment though.

Could i pose another question, you say all of this is boring unless you do it together, how would you feel if your partner wanted single meets without you present? Or if your partner asked you to both stop swinging, would that satisfy you or would sex with just one man forever become boring?

Id never be monogamous. and I would be quite upset if Mr wanted to meet without me present if I am honest.. Even though when we first started as a couple he would go to things.. but not one on one with others.. One on one is something that I dont wish to share... It would most likely end us.

AS rightly or wrongly for me it would feel that I was not enough for him one on one. but I never share intimacy with others... Only sex. "

Wouldnt you view monogamous as a sign of total commitment with no others needed though, him finding you completely enough, if you get me, sometimes hard to put across in text.

Do you and your partner only swing, do you not play alone?

Whereas swinging is just sex that can be had with anyone when all said and done.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So glad to read all the positive comments in this thread - we have found it reassuring , m x

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By *irty Girty From No 30Woman
over a year ago

Burbage


"Think it's an individual thing. I guess some couples feeling swinging is relationship enhancing in that it's something done together ('we always play together')....and for some it's more of a sport and either can attend different events....no right answer is there ? oh God no.. there is no real answer. We have both done this as singles, together in all variations. And have friends that all do it slightly different.

I just was shocked to hear people make such a statement.. even the things I don't like personally or understand I live by the thought of do what you will but hurt no one ...

I've been quite open about my own issues/ views on this... But I do envy those that have the ability to only do what is right for them and not let others views influence them at all."

Fully agree, I'm also shocked that people have made comments about those that you mentioned

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

To that i agree, i was just trying to understand more. I was getting confused about used to do, no longer do, want to get back to, however from your response you don't find it enjoyable so I don't think realistically you want yo get back to it, however i may be wrong, correct me if I am.

I wish we could but I know that how I feel currently that Id hate it.. But we used to really enjoy it.

I struggle to see how sex is boring though, whether with one person or group, but that's just me, i like sex in any scenario, i appreciate others don't.

I never bothered with one on one sex.. or intimate sex before with Mr Deviant. I still do not enjoy one on one contact with anyone else.. ( there are reasons that stem from a long time ago which would make perfect sense )

With reference to your original post I personally don't think the examples you explained show a lack of commitment, I just think its way some play, each to their own. I cant say I've ever heard personally anyone comment of someones lack of commitment though.

Could i pose another question, you say all of this is boring unless you do it together, how would you feel if your partner wanted single meets without you present? Or if your partner asked you to both stop swinging, would that satisfy you or would sex with just one man forever become boring?

Id never be monogamous. and I would be quite upset if Mr wanted to meet without me present if I am honest.. Even though when we first started as a couple he would go to things.. but not one on one with others.. One on one is something that I dont wish to share... It would most likely end us.

AS rightly or wrongly for me it would feel that I was not enough for him one on one. but I never share intimacy with others... Only sex.

Wouldnt you view monogamous as a sign of total commitment with no others needed though, him finding you completely enough, if you get me, sometimes hard to put across in text.

Do you and your partner only swing, do you not play alone?

Whereas swinging is just sex that can be had with anyone when all said and done."

What do you mean by play alone... We have time just us and no others if that answers it.

Sex for me has always been about the exhibition side .. I swapped the thrill of anyone watching to enjoying playing side by side with the one and only man I can be totally myself with. To watch him as he watches me or to even just watch him enjoying what he does or him watching me...

I used to get off on just being watched but now if anything I can find alone I feel a bit exposed. Not sure I can express it perfectly but I feel that together was the part that was always missing before

Eventually we may shift again. But one on one initmate sex isn't something I can enjoy with people other than Mr.

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By *irty Girty From No 30Woman
over a year ago

Burbage


"

To that i agree, i was just trying to understand more. I was getting confused about used to do, no longer do, want to get back to, however from your response you don't find it enjoyable so I don't think realistically you want yo get back to it, however i may be wrong, correct me if I am.

I wish we could but I know that how I feel currently that Id hate it.. But we used to really enjoy it.

I struggle to see how sex is boring though, whether with one person or group, but that's just me, i like sex in any scenario, i appreciate others don't.

I never bothered with one on one sex.. or intimate sex before with Mr Deviant. I still do not enjoy one on one contact with anyone else.. ( there are reasons that stem from a long time ago which would make perfect sense )

With reference to your original post I personally don't think the examples you explained show a lack of commitment, I just think its way some play, each to their own. I cant say I've ever heard personally anyone comment of someones lack of commitment though.

Could i pose another question, you say all of this is boring unless you do it together, how would you feel if your partner wanted single meets without you present? Or if your partner asked you to both stop swinging, would that satisfy you or would sex with just one man forever become boring?

Id never be monogamous. and I would be quite upset if Mr wanted to meet without me present if I am honest.. Even though when we first started as a couple he would go to things.. but not one on one with others.. One on one is something that I dont wish to share... It would most likely end us.

AS rightly or wrongly for me it would feel that I was not enough for him one on one. but I never share intimacy with others... Only sex.

Wouldnt you view monogamous as a sign of total commitment with no others needed though, him finding you completely enough, if you get me, sometimes hard to put across in text.

Do you and your partner only swing, do you not play alone?

Whereas swinging is just sex that can be had with anyone when all said and done.

What do you mean by play alone... We have time just us and no others if that answers it.

Sex for me has always been about the exhibition side .. I swapped the thrill of anyone watching to enjoying playing side by side with the one and only man I can be totally myself with. To watch him as he watches me or to even just watch him enjoying what he does or him watching me...

I used to get off on just being watched but now if anything I can find alone I feel a bit exposed. Not sure I can express it perfectly but I feel that together was the part that was always missing before

Eventually we may shift again. But one on one initmate sex isn't something I can enjoy with people other than Mr. "

I was referring to did you and Mr have alone time as one of your posts i read as you only swung and that was all.

I fully agree with what you say, sex with someone you care for is intimate, when including others its just sex.

With reference to the voyeurism fully get you there to, especially in club environment, i feel like I'm just the star act to be watched, that said in a threesome scenario in a private environment i don't feel like that

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By *irty Girty From No 30Woman
over a year ago

Burbage

Could i ask then, why you think it would be the end of things should Mr say thats it, just us, no more swinging, just want intimacy and sex with you

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Could i ask then, why you think it would be the end of things should Mr say thats it, just us, no more swinging, just want intimacy and sex with you"

I don't. I meant if he wanted to meet other women one on one without me it would as I wouldn't be comfortable with it but neither would ever be monogamous.. that's why we are together as we both want the same things in that sense. We are both the only person the other hasn't got bored of sexually too.

We do not do repeat meets often... Yet can still have excitement like the first time together. But I think the very fact for me that what I do with him I haven't done with others makes me reluctant to share that part. If he wanted to go to a gang bang alone... As long as I could see some photos.. I'd be happy... If we are in a club and there is a lady or couple not for me. I can happily watch or even take photos .... But if it was just one on one... Nope couldn't do it.

So I guess in one way I'm fine with separate play as long as I can see...

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By *ohnkezCouple
over a year ago

shefiield

I play but hubby doesn't , I think our relationship is stronger than a lot of peoples I've known

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford


"I get told I'm not in real relationships with my partners regularly by swingers.

I don't really give a fuck to be honest. The multi-year relationship histories I have with them prove more than some stupid marriage contract.

I don't feel marriage contracts are stupd, that's not like you to make such a statement

I generally have a very poor opinion of the state being involved in romantic relationships.

I have no problem with people holding a ceremony to declare their love to each other in front of their friends and family l. I have a problem with those who believe their relationships are better than others because they signed a government contract. It is essentially a contract that grants tax benefits and solidifies someone as next of kin. The two parts - the romantic ceremony and the government contract - should not be confused.

I agree I was just surprised at you making what seemed to me to be a bit of a judgemental statement, that's all.

I have never and will never explain to anybody our reasons for entering into a contract with each other but I don't consider them or the contract stupid."

This. also, I would not say my relationship is any better than someone who is not married. Each to their own and I respect that in others. Sounds soppy, I know, but we married for love and not for any tax benefits etc.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Not as committed to what?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I have a stupid little smirky thing I do to myself when people comment on other people's relationships. It a kind of "if you where as happy and secure in your relationship as I am mine then what the fuck has it got to do with you how someone else's relationship works" kind of smirk

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I have a stupid little smirky thing I do to myself when people comment on other people's relationships. It a kind of "if you where as happy and secure in your relationship as I am mine then what the fuck has it got to do with you how someone else's relationship works" kind of smirk "

I guess that is the only way to be x

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By *eforfuncplCouple
over a year ago

Morecambe


"Wow.....that's a sweeping judgement ! We have been married for 43 years and we have played separately, different rooms, different houses, different dates and even in different countries but that has NEVER diminished our commitment to each other, after 43 years together we must be doing something right !!"

Well done u guys xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just things that rattle around in my mind....

But do people judge couples that play separately ( with knowledge and consent of their partners ) as less committed ?

I don't but it's something that came up in conversation...

I find it incredibly hard to do myself but have friends that we see at clubs and parties that will even go to events without the partner ... Someone commented And said that they can't be that committed if they can do that...

Now I disagree and wish we could but for reasons that are my own it makes me feel very uncomfortable

So what do other forumittes think...

The comment btw was aimed at one lady that is happily married and meets both with and without her partner ... The other were a couple that don't live together but have until recently only played together. well I personally think that swinging for most couples not ALL will eventually lead to problems I know 3 couples who've split doing it ,eventually you meet someone you like and get feelings for them

You put the little halo but its obviously an inflammatory comment.. Swinging doesn't lead to problems but often problems lead a couple to try swinging.

I wish We could get the separate play aspect back to how we used to but currently it just makes me feel uneasy.. So we dont.

You do need to have a thick skin on here.... and I think in my experience the playing separate seems to work best with those that hae been in long term extremely committed relationships.. maybe thats because of the level of trust involved..

"
hehe why is it inflammatory? It's a factual knowledge as a direct result of three actually 4 couples I know or knew and their demise and as someone else said in the thread she felt some came here to try and cure their problems

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By *irty Girty From No 30Woman
over a year ago

Burbage


"Just things that rattle around in my mind....

But do people judge couples that play separately ( with knowledge and consent of their partners ) as less committed ?

I don't but it's something that came up in conversation...

I find it incredibly hard to do myself but have friends that we see at clubs and parties that will even go to events without the partner ... Someone commented And said that they can't be that committed if they can do that...

Now I disagree and wish we could but for reasons that are my own it makes me feel very uncomfortable

So what do other forumittes think...

The comment btw was aimed at one lady that is happily married and meets both with and without her partner ... The other were a couple that don't live together but have until recently only played together. well I personally think that swinging for most couples not ALL will eventually lead to problems I know 3 couples who've split doing it ,eventually you meet someone you like and get feelings for them

You put the little halo but its obviously an inflammatory comment.. Swinging doesn't lead to problems but often problems lead a couple to try swinging.

I wish We could get the separate play aspect back to how we used to but currently it just makes me feel uneasy.. So we dont.

You do need to have a thick skin on here.... and I think in my experience the playing separate seems to work best with those that hae been in long term extremely committed relationships.. maybe thats because of the level of trust involved..

hehe why is it inflammatory? It's a factual knowledge as a direct result of three actually 4 couples I know or knew and their demise and as someone else said in the thread she felt some came here to try and cure their problems "

Ive seen a few couples on here split up, some been on many years, others got together through meeting via here, long term fuck buds splitting and getting back on, i don't believe that swinging cant be a cause if a break up, i know it csn, but the OP is also right, some do join to try save a relationship

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Each to there own, whatever works for you, however people swing, together or apart has no bearing on the commitment to each other, is no comment on the relationship they have and is neither right or wrong

Whatever turns you on

We play together as that turns us on and we like doing naughty stuff you can't do if you straight and or separate room swap, it's our thing, simple as

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford


"Each to there own, whatever works for you, however people swing, together or apart has no bearing on the commitment to each other, is no comment on the relationship they have and is neither right or wrong

Whatever turns you on

We play together as that turns us on and we like doing naughty stuff you can't do if you straight and or separate room swap, it's our thing, simple as"

Same for us!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So the general consensus is that it shouldn't be seen as a couple are less of a couple just because they choose to play differently from someone else.

I guess people will always judge in someway. And I'm sure although I like to think I'm not I know I must do at times even if it's not voiced.

I also do not believe that just swinging breaks or makes a relationship. Like with anything else.. if it's strong it will get stronger... But I've yet to see a relationship saved by adding others x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So the general consensus is that it shouldn't be seen as a couple are less of a couple just because they choose to play differently from someone else.

I guess people will always judge in someway. And I'm sure although I like to think I'm not I know I must do at times even if it's not voiced.

I also do not believe that just swinging breaks or makes a relationship. Like with anything else.. if it's strong it will get stronger... But I've yet to see a relationship saved by adding others x "
yes and the other thing is you've been here a while and you're not naive ,so you know others judge you

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By *irty Girty From No 30Woman
over a year ago

Burbage


"So the general consensus is that it shouldn't be seen as a couple are less of a couple just because they choose to play differently from someone else.

I guess people will always judge in someway. And I'm sure although I like to think I'm not I know I must do at times even if it's not voiced.

I also do not believe that just swinging breaks or makes a relationship. Like with anything else.. if it's strong it will get stronger... But I've yet to see a relationship saved by adding others x "

Last sentence 100% agreed

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"So the general consensus is that it shouldn't be seen as a couple are less of a couple just because they choose to play differently from someone else.

I guess people will always judge in someway. And I'm sure although I like to think I'm not I know I must do at times even if it's not voiced.

I also do not believe that just swinging breaks or makes a relationship. Like with anything else.. if it's strong it will get stronger... But I've yet to see a relationship saved by adding others x yes and the other thing is you've been here a while and you're not naive ,so you know others judge you "
I'm still new to how the judge couples ..... Like if you do this its ok. Do it another way and your wrong

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By *airof usCouple
over a year ago

dundalk

A big no just because swinging separate might not suit everyone ,no one should be judged if both partners are in agreement .We had a fb for a while his wife was in full agreement with it. We had spoke to her many times it suited them and as they both knew what the other was doing we had no problem with it . It dos,nt suit us to swing separate we did try it and we both agreed it was not for us. As long as both partners are in agreement no one should judge them .Cheating on a partner is a whole different ball game which can only lead to trouble.I agree that swing will not rescue a partnership all ready in trouble. But it can make a strong relationship stronger."Our opinion .

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By *onesal20Couple
over a year ago

North East England

We have been a couple since Al was 17 and had only had sex with each other until we joined here 10 months ago. We occasionally play seperately as we are apart 4 days a week, but with people who we have already met and played with usually.

We never play seperately when both are at home and love genuine foursomes, with legs and arms intermingled all over the place much more than a 2+2, but it's very horny in seperate rooms when you can hear each other fucking too.

We tend not to judge anyone in their choice, circumstance or preferences, just don't choose to engage with them if their likes and tastes differ radically from ours

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford


"We have been a couple since Al was 17 and had only had sex with each other until we joined here 10 months ago. We occasionally play seperately as we are apart 4 days a week, but with people who we have already met and played with usually.

We never play seperately when both are at home and love genuine foursomes, with legs and arms intermingled all over the place much more than a 2+2, but it's very horny in seperate rooms when you can hear each other fucking too.

We tend not to judge anyone in their choice, circumstance or preferences, just don't choose to engage with them if their likes and tastes differ radically from ours"

And that is the key in this lifestyle, finding people who have the same ideas as yourselves

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So the general consensus is that it shouldn't be seen as a couple are less of a couple just because they choose to play differently from someone else.

I guess people will always judge in someway. And I'm sure although I like to think I'm not I know I must do at times even if it's not voiced.

I also do not believe that just swinging breaks or makes a relationship. Like with anything else.. if it's strong it will get stronger... But I've yet to see a relationship saved by adding others x yes and the other thing is you've been here a while and you're not naive ,so you know others judge you I'm still new to how the judge couples ..... Like if you do this its ok. Do it another way and your wrong "
hey you come across as a strong person why do you care what they think do what you want to do as long as your polite and considerate about it its all good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So the general consensus is that it shouldn't be seen as a couple are less of a couple just because they choose to play differently from someone else.

I guess people will always judge in someway. And I'm sure although I like to think I'm not I know I must do at times even if it's not voiced.

I also do not believe that just swinging breaks or makes a relationship. Like with anything else.. if it's strong it will get stronger... But I've yet to see a relationship saved by adding others x yes and the other thing is you've been here a while and you're not naive ,so you know others judge you I'm still new to how the judge couples ..... Like if you do this its ok. Do it another way and your wrong hey you come across as a strong person why do you care what they think do what you want to do as long as your polite and considerate about it its all good "
I think maybe you're over thinking things

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By *HAITRAVELLERSCouple
over a year ago

DONCASTER

Thanks !

Our separate room thing came about because the very first time we swapped was back in the early eighties when

" swinging " wasn't even invented, couples went wife swapping and that's exactly what everyone seemed to do - swap wives, different room, different houses, different dates. There was no mobile phones, no internet and computers and it was all done by under the counter contact magazines, a poloroid photo, you gave out your home address and telephone number and it al worked by snail mail, guess what ? We never came across a fake, nor did we know anyone that did.

Theres another topic for a blog - wife swapping v swinging

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By *istandSquirtCouple
over a year ago

burton / derby

[Removed by poster at 07/01/16 17:46:35]

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By *istandSquirtCouple
over a year ago

burton / derby


"I don't judge them as being less committed. I can see where the turn on is. It is a different type of play, that's all.

I mean, someone who doesn't swing would probably say Marc and I are less committed than non-swingers and I'd say they are wrong. So, I think this is a case of people who have a different opinion/relationship judging something they don't really know much about (as in the other couple's relationship).

-Courteny "

This ????

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