FabSwingers.com forum: Kissing and touching

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Now I know what the regulars are thinking, a rant from little miss I hate it..

But no I am actually looking for imput to try and help me understand something.. Being a psychologist means that I can sometimes over think things.. so Bare with me.

As most of the regular posters will know, I dont normally have any intimate contact with playmeets.. I dont kiss, they dont kiss me.. its all pussy and cock play.. and straight to the point.

Well anyway, Master and I decided that we would try it and Master was worried that I was missing out on things and basically that I may end up feeling bad about the way we were playing. ( I dont feel bad btw, just Master being concerned)

So last night we had a meet... was meant to be two but ended up one on one ( something I havent done in a while) and we had decided that I would intiate a little kissing and touching..

I did, and the guys touch was great.. however, there was no response from me at all.. no tingles, no oh wow.. it didnt make me think yuck.. but it didnt give me all or even any of the feelings that I associate when Master touches me. To be fair I didnt respond at all..

I know lots of you do enjoy this.. and what I am asking is that at the start.. with others, was it like this.. ??

It was nothing to do with the guys talents... or ability.. just me.. to be fair I can think about Master kissing my neck and thats it.. tingles all over..

Master really wants me to explore this as he truly feels that it will enhance things.. its not that I didnt enjoy it.. I just didnt get any more from it than I would just pushing the guy back on the bed and sucking his cock..

Katie. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It makes sense, perhaps you have filed that away as things you only do with Master. Don't forget, much of sex is what's in your head.

For me, I'm the opposite - I couldn't get turned on without it. But I'm able to separate the act from the person. It would be different for me if I was in a couple - I'm one of those who would leave the scene because I wouldn't want to touch or be touched by anyone else.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

That is interesting for me about you not wanting to be touched if you were in a couple..

I love the sex bit.. but I tend to do all the touching and rarely even let them play with me.. its kinda sex and oral only.. nothing else..

I did have some bad experiences with my previous partner where I was made to feel bad from cumming with another guy but that was years ago.. and MAster is so not like that.. He loves me to enjoy myself and I do.

I will always get straight in and can cum without them touching me just because I enjoy sucking cock and knowing Master is enjoying watching.. So its not that I get nothing out of it..

Your last comment makes me think that while I can manage the sex acts.. the intimacy is something I like to keep just for us.. and that my mind just shuts it off.

I certainly do not have problem responding to Master as I can orgasm without him ever touching me. Just suggestion.

KAtie.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

oh can I just add I can completly seperate the act from the person.. That isnt the problem..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And I think that's fair enough. We all have things that we keep as special for that one person. And if that's intimacy for you, then that's that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"oh can I just add I can completly seperate the act from the person.. That isnt the problem..

Yes sorry I meant that more in terms of me rather than you - meaning I don't get attached to the people I play with

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yes sorry I meant that more in terms of me rather than you - meaning I don't get attached to the people I play with

It took me a long time to accept that I dont get even a slight attachment to people that I play with. not even the regulars.. lol

Shame I cant keep them under my bed with the rest of my toys :D

Katie.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We're conditioned by society from an early age to believe that sex is something between people in love - especially for women, whereas it's seen as more acceptable for men to sow those oats - so it can carry some odd feelings deep down to enjoy casual sex initially I think. Something we get over, but that sort of conditioning doesn't always disappear over night!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

See that I have never subscribed too.. sex is what it is.. its fun, its almost recreational for me..

Some people have mates over to play on the xbox, I invite a few people over to play with.. Master then enjoys the show..

One kiss on the back of my neck from my Master and I am putty in his hands. has always been that way.. Yet I felt it almost hindered fun last night to be having to think.. shall I kiss.. shall I touch.. should I let him give me oral ( something I have done twice now in all my meets)

I enjoyed the playtime immensely.. Just didnt add anything.. :D Except it took longer.. 35 mins for a meet is forever for me..

Katie. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess anything that makes you have to think is a distraction! Well, you gave it a go - I wouldn't get too hung up, don't write it off but do what feels right at the time, although it sounds as though maybe it's not for you because that's what distinguishes what you do with your partner from what you do when you play.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

That is the thing.. It will never be like what I do with my Partner.. no man, no matter how good could get a response anywhere near that..

What Master was trying to do is get me to get more from it as he worries I give more than I get..( which I tend to disagree with lol as I love what I do)

However, writing this has made me think its the fact I see giving intimacy to another man as a power exchange, a submission of sorts, something I just am not comfortable with..

See writing things down helps.

Doesnt solve it.. lol but as it didnt make it worse, and it may help to get more meets ( as most wont meet if you are as strict on no touching no kissing as I normally am) I will carry on when we think its a good idea.

I didnt feel bad about it which is a good thing.

Katie.x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess what I was saying in response to what you said about feeling odd not getting attached is, there's an initial question that maybe it makes us cold/heartless etc to be able to take sex casually before we realise it's ok after all, it isn't all about sex between 2 people in love.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I didnt feel bad about it which is a good thing. "

Sounds like it's all good to me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personaly I like the itimacy of touching and kissing as part of the sexual act, but we are all different, and what works for one does not work for all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ozzy I do get that a lot of people need that.. its partly why Master has asked me to start being less avoiding in that situation.

However, I get turned on and into it by the act.. and enjoy it for the sex.

I was just wondering if others when they first started didnt get a physical response at all when being kissed and touched by others..

Katie. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Kissing is a bizarre thing. If I meet a man on a 1 to 1 basis and we've flirted for a while, got to know a bit about each other and I fancy him, then kissing turns me on.

However, no matter how much I fancy a bloke in a club, I'll fuck him, but I will actually turn my head away and tell him no if he goes to kiss me.

Its like I'm distinguising between a 1 night stand and swinging. To me, meeting a bloke on my own and spending time with him isn't swinging, its just 2 people having sex. But when I swing, its no kissing if I can help it.

My ex partner and I argued over this as I couldn't understand why he needed to kiss the women he played with. I felt betrayed by it, to the point that I could've ripped him and her apart for it. But yet if he had sex with her, no worries. It got to be unhealthy for me to see this so we seperated.

I know....pass the straight jacket!!

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By *nvictusMan
over a year ago

Beeston

Interesting...

I have met with ladies who kiss very passionately and intimately and with those who don't kiss at all. I can get very caught up in the intimacy at the time, but I can also walk away from it at the end of the meet without any issues. Which do I prefer?

Well, I definitely do like a bit if passion and intimacy, but....the 'no kisses' approach also presses all the right buttons as well, probably more so for meets with more than one male to the female.

I guess I'm fairly happy to adapt to the situation when it comes to playing, every lady and couple play differently and so I'm happy to go with the flow and still enjoy myself as well.

I do enjoy both types of meet and I hope I will continue to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everybody will have SOME boundary...no matter what it is.To keep something that they will only share with the people they chose to share it with.This to me...is exactly what 'swinging' is.No matter which ways people chose to meet, the number of partners, groups or whatever...that is what all will have in common.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Everybody will have SOME boundary...no matter what it is.To keep something that they will only share with the people they chose to share it with.This to me...is exactly what 'swinging' is.No matter which ways people chose to meet, the number of partners, groups or whatever...that is what all will have in common."

I understand that everyone is different and has boundraies I just wondered if other women mostly found that when they first started to allow kissing and touching that they actually got no physical response from it.. I could understand getting aroused but not getting emotional..

I am saying no physical response, no sensation from it at all...

Katie.x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am saying no physical response, no sensation from it at all...

Katie.x"

All responses are ultimately in the brain...you, clearly, 'refusing' to accept the feeling from a physical stimulation.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"All responses are ultimately in the brain...you, clearly, 'refusing' to accept the feeling from a physical stimulation."

I know.. lol but I wondered if it took time for others to be able to allow this..

Katie.x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is no one answer is there?...some it will some it won't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you had no response to kissing with anyone then I'd say there may be something amiss but you respond more than a little at your Masters kiss...perhaps thats all you need.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If you had no response to kissing with anyone then I'd say there may be something amiss but you respond more than a little at your Masters kiss...perhaps thats all you need. "

We are working on a variety of reasons why not.. :D

But yes.. I can respond to the slightest kiss from Master..

lol

Katie.x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think you have every right to stipulate does and donts aslong as the person you are meeting is aware and ok with the ground rules,this site is not about love but i guess kissing is an emotive issue so you do what you feel comfortable with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi,

katie i totally get where ur coming from. Sex for me is about excitement and play. I think part of my brain is shut off with pretty much all the guys/couples i play with. And although i do kiss etc, it does nothing for me at all. Again like you, it doesnt turn me off, i just dont feel anything. I think ur relationship with master is wonderful, and if you just want to keep those intimate kisses and strokes just with him, then just do that. I can understand that he wants u to have a more 'rounded' play, but lets face it, you know ur own body and mind.

I dont know if this helps, but for me; if i am really attracted to the guy (which is rare)then i like the kisses etc. Otherwise they have to just 'fuck & leave'. Had a guy once who wanted to stay for hours, massages etc, totally freaked me out!!!!!

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By *ohjaneCouple
over a year ago

south staffs

@ Oralminx

I feel the exact opposite to you.

If a guy was just arriving, having a BJ and a fuck and leaving, I would not want to bother at all.

Isn't it great that we are all so different, so there is fun for every persuation ?

Jane x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have kissed guys in a play situation and I have to admit that like Katie I get nothing out of it either. Its ok, but if they didnt kiss me I wouldnt care.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you.. its making things a little easier to understand..

Master and I are working on it...

I do love the in, play and out.. :D but agree with my Master thats its not good for me all the time.

Katie. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"@ Oralminx

I feel the exact opposite to you.

If a guy was just arriving, having a BJ and a fuck and leaving, I would not want to bother at all.

Isn't it great that we are all so different, so there is fun for every persuation ?

Jane x"

I quite agree Jane, variety makes life more interesting, we suit different people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"@ Oralminx

I feel the exact opposite to you.

If a guy was just arriving, having a BJ and a fuck and leaving, I would not want to bother at all.

Isn't it great that we are all so different, so there is fun for every persuation ?

Jane x"

For me there has to be lots of kissing and touching, holding, cuddling, stroking and eye contact.

Each to there own though!

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