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What is wrong with having a relationship with a single swinger?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I know this doesn't apply to everyone, or even most. It is just something I've seen over the years (both in real life and online). Why do some single women actively involved in swinging avoid even the idea of dating a man also actively involved in the lifestyle but will date and try to bring a man who knows nothing about swinging into it?

I ask this question because in August I met a woman (I seem meet a lot of women, but I don't seem to click with them) who seemed real eager to be in a LTR with me UNTIL she saw my ad on Fab in September. Then she said she didn't date guys who thought they were swingers. No matter what I said, she thought I was running some kind of game on her. Funny thing is, she also had an ad on the site, with full face pictures, some explicit, on the site, and she was verified from meets too. (she no longer uses the site and no longer has a profile here)

I was/am a little confused over the situation, what do other think about this.

Its a mystery to me. Then again, I like mysteries. I think that is why I'm so interested in women. Just looking for a little insight so I can finally put that little episode behind me. Especially since I met her at my favourite pub and now she totally snubs me when I go there.

What did I do wrong?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a shame for you. I'll explain what goes on in my head and perhaps it might help?

I've been cheated on by a guy who used Fab as a single guy. We didn't swing together and hadn't met through the scene. I personally have a lot of trust issues with men, rightly, wrongly - just down to my past partners. But I know I can and have stopped using the site in the past because I know why I use it when I'm single. But I think I'd worry that once a guy got a taste for it, he'd not give it up and would do it behind my back. Bearing in mind I'd not want to swing if I was in a relationship. Plus, I'd worry that meeting on the scene would possibly carry an expectation that we would now swing as a couple.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im the opposite I love the swinging lifestyle and the social side of swinging and would love to be in a relationship with a male swinger but I would want our relationship to be rock solid before we got into the scene together. So would perhaps come out of the scene for a year or two and then come back. But swinging would always be in the back of my head. Hope this makes sense. The Couples that I have met through swinging I am totally in awe of them and they are some of the best relationships I have ever seen. And I want one like that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can only speak for myself

but i would never get into s relationship with anyone i had met off here simply because if i found someone i wanted to share my life with i would give up swinging as i feel i would no longer need to meet random people for sex if i had someone i loved

I also feel it would be unfair to meet someone thro doing this and then expect them to stop because it was what i nolonger wanted to do

therefor i just wouldnt entertain meeting someone off here fior anything more than NSA sex

saying that im quite happy as i am at the moment and loving my single and free lifestyle and have no plans to change it for now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can only speak for myself

but i would never get into s relationship with anyone i had met off here simply because if i found someone i wanted to share my life with i would give up swinging as i feel i would no longer need to meet random people for sex if i had someone i loved

I also feel it would be unfair to meet someone thro doing this and then expect them to stop because it was what i nolonger wanted to do

therefor i just wouldnt entertain meeting someone off here fior anything more than NSA sex

saying that im quite happy as i am at the moment and loving my single and free lifestyle and have no plans to change it for now "

Totally agree.

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By *obletonMan
over a year ago

A Home Among The Woodland Creatures


"It's a shame for you. I'll explain what goes on in my head and perhaps it might help?

I've been cheated on by a guy who used Fab as a single guy. We didn't swing together and hadn't met through the scene. I personally have a lot of trust issues with men, rightly, wrongly - just down to my past partners. But I know I can and have stopped using the site in the past because I know why I use it when I'm single. But I think I'd worry that once a guy got a taste for it, he'd not give it up and would do it behind my back. Bearing in mind I'd not want to swing if I was in a relationship. Plus, I'd worry that meeting on the scene would possibly carry an expectation that we would now swing as a couple."

I see this sort of thing all the time.

call me cynical but I usually give any swinging couple made up of two swingles about 3 months max - one or the other seems to find the temptation to play alone surreptitiously too great to resist.

there are of course exceptions .............. some dont last more than a month

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's a shame for you. I'll explain what goes on in my head and perhaps it might help?

I've been cheated on by a guy who used Fab as a single guy. We didn't swing together and hadn't met through the scene. I personally have a lot of trust issues with men, rightly, wrongly - just down to my past partners. But I know I can and have stopped using the site in the past because I know why I use it when I'm single. But I think I'd worry that once a guy got a taste for it, he'd not give it up and would do it behind my back. Bearing in mind I'd not want to swing if I was in a relationship. Plus, I'd worry that meeting on the scene would possibly carry an expectation that we would now swing as a couple.

I see this sort of thing all the time.

call me cynical but I usually give any swinging couple made up of two swingles about 3 months max - one or the other seems to find the temptation to play alone surreptitiously too great to resist.

there are of course exceptions .............. some dont last more than a month"

yeah i agree, i know quite a few people who have met thro swinging and some have even got married and tho so far some have worked and lasted i know more couples who have met thro swinging who have split up than whos made it work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's a shame for you. I'll explain what goes on in my head and perhaps it might help?

I've been cheated on by a guy who used Fab as a single guy. We didn't swing together and hadn't met through the scene. I personally have a lot of trust issues with men, rightly, wrongly - just down to my past partners. But I know I can and have stopped using the site in the past because I know why I use it when I'm single. But I think I'd worry that once a guy got a taste for it, he'd not give it up and would do it behind my back. Bearing in mind I'd not want to swing if I was in a relationship. Plus, I'd worry that meeting on the scene would possibly carry an expectation that we would now swing as a couple.

I see this sort of thing all the time.

call me cynical but I usually give any swinging couple made up of two swingles about 3 months max - one or the other seems to find the temptation to play alone surreptitiously too great to resist.

there are of course exceptions .............. some dont last more than a month"

An interesting view point and i have to assume its from personal experience. Trust issues and insecurity are quite common with less confident people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Question though when are you ready to give swinging up as I think for me it would always be in the back of my mind. I dont think I could or is that being selfish.

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By *arambarMan
over a year ago

swindon


"Question though when are you ready to give swinging up as I think for me it would always be in the back of my mind. I dont think I could or is that being selfish."

For the right person - tomorrow.

For now, though, I'm still looking for that person so I'm happy to continue as I am.

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By *arambarMan
over a year ago

swindon


"I know this doesn't apply to everyone, or even most. It is just something I've seen over the years (both in real life and online). Why do some single women actively involved in swinging avoid even the idea of dating a man also actively involved in the lifestyle but will date and try to bring a man who knows nothing about swinging into it?

I ask this question because in August I met a woman (I seem meet a lot of women, but I don't seem to click with them) who seemed real eager to be in a LTR with me UNTIL she saw my ad on Fab in September. Then she said she didn't date guys who thought they were swingers. No matter what I said, she thought I was running some kind of game on her. Funny thing is, she also had an ad on the site, with full face pictures, some explicit, on the site, and she was verified from meets too. (she no longer uses the site and no longer has a profile here)

I was/am a little confused over the situation, what do other think about this.

Its a mystery to me. Then again, I like mysteries. I think that is why I'm so interested in women. Just looking for a little insight so I can finally put that little episode behind me. Especially since I met her at my favourite pub and now she totally snubs me when I go there.

What did I do wrong?

"

What did you do wrong? Nothing, fella. At least, not as far as I can tell. I've given up trying to understand women and their logic. It's a lost cause.

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By *arambarMan
over a year ago

swindon


"Im the opposite I love the swinging lifestyle and the social side of swinging and would love to be in a relationship with a male swinger but I would want our relationship to be rock solid before we got into the scene together. So would perhaps come out of the scene for a year or two and then come back. But swinging would always be in the back of my head. Hope this makes sense. The Couples that I have met through swinging I am totally in awe of them and they are some of the best relationships I have ever seen. And I want one like that."

Here's a hypothetical question for you, Shaz...

What if tomorrow you found yourself meeting Mr Right? The man of your dreams. (The one and only true love - or at least it seems. With brown coco skin and curly black hair. It's just the way he looks at you, that gentle lovin' stare.)

But you met him at work or at the supermarket or when putting out your dustbin... i.e. he's vanilla not a swinger.

Could you picture yourself falling for him to the extent that you'd give up the lifestyle? Or would you try to involve him in it? And what if you tried to bring him into the scene but he didn't want to be a part of it?

If you had to choose one or the other - which would it be?

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By *arambarMan
over a year ago

swindon

Oh, and it's only fair I answer the same questions (although you've probably guessed my answers from my comment a few posts above this one).

If I met someone who I fell for hook, line and sinker - I'd give this up immediately if necessary.

In fact, if I ever fall for someone who isn't a swinger then I can see myself just saying goodbye to the friends I've made here, deleting this account and never ever mentioning it to them.

For me, swinging would always come 2nd to a vanilla relationship with the right person.

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By *istress-MazikeenWoman
over a year ago

bolton

I have met someone from here, (not what I was expecting at all) and we are working at a relationship, yes we hope it will last, as we both have the same mentality, as in we both want more than just one on one.

I will admit I was never faithful through both my marriages, and now being able to have met someone who what's to watch me with other guys is a dream come true.

My attitude has changed over the years, and it has taken until now to know exactly what I wanted in a relationship.

I can understand where the lady you were seeing cam from, as you did not meet on fab, but in a pub.

And a lot of men, have said to me once a swinger always a swinger, and the temptation is always there to go and play.

It all depends on how honest and open you are with each other, and each persons mind set.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can only speak for myself

but i would never get into s relationship with anyone i had met off here simply because if i found someone i wanted to share my life with i would give up swinging as i feel i would no longer need to meet random people for sex if i had someone i loved

I also feel it would be unfair to meet someone thro doing this and then expect them to stop because it was what i nolonger wanted to do

therefor i just wouldnt entertain meeting someone off here fior anything more than NSA sex

saying that im quite happy as i am at the moment and loving my single and free lifestyle and have no plans to change it for now

Totally agree. "

Pretty much sums it up for me too!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can only speak for myself

but i would never get into s relationship with anyone i had met off here simply because if i found someone i wanted to share my life with i would give up swinging as i feel i would no longer need to meet random people for sex if i had someone i loved

I also feel it would be unfair to meet someone thro doing this and then expect them to stop because it was what i nolonger wanted to do

therefor i just wouldnt entertain meeting someone off here fior anything more than NSA sex

saying that im quite happy as i am at the moment and loving my single and free lifestyle and have no plans to change it for now

Totally agree.

Pretty much sums it up for me too! "

I suppose it depends why you swing - most women view sexuality differently than men BUT there is a lot more diversity in womens attitudes towards sex, many women can also easily flip sexual orientation wheras considrably less men can. What I mean is, some girls do it for a shag, a bit of fun, and to feel attractive and other women may do it for some type of added sexual excitement and twist - wheras most guys do it cause they want to shag as many women as possible

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh, and it's only fair I answer the same questions (although you've probably guessed my answers from my comment a few posts above this one).

If I met someone who I fell for hook, line and sinker - I'd give this up immediately if necessary.

In fact, if I ever fall for someone who isn't a swinger then I can see myself just saying goodbye to the friends I've made here, deleting this account and never ever mentioning it to them.

For me, swinging would always come 2nd to a vanilla relationship with the right person."

Swinging for me, is already low on my list of priorities. So yes, if I met "the one" I'd be out of here: no looking back!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nothing ventured nothing gained.

I shall not dismissed the idea of ever meeting another person who clicks with me, through FAB or otherwise.

However, I am resigned to the fact the chances of that happening again is very remote, due to me being very stubborn, independent, and not one that can easily change my ways so as to fit in with another person.

I believe in fate - if two people are destined to be together, they will find each other eventually.

Until then, I shall have fun the way I see fit!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh, and it's only fair I answer the same questions (although you've probably guessed my answers from my comment a few posts above this one).

If I met someone who I fell for hook, line and sinker - I'd give this up immediately if necessary.

In fact, if I ever fall for someone who isn't a swinger then I can see myself just saying goodbye to the friends I've made here, deleting this account and never ever mentioning it to them.

For me, swinging would always come 2nd to a vanilla relationship with the right person."

I have to agree with this. Swinging is fun and great to be involved with. But what i have found when i start to get feelings for a guy. I naturally pull away from swinging. Whether hes a swinger or not. Although im not actively looking for that. If you float each others boats then why not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i dont think its selfish at all.

If you can be totally upfront and honest from the get go, explain that your a swinger and want to continue to swing, then your potential girlfriend knows all the facts and decide if thats the kind of relationship she wants too.

I was wondering if you had problems because she found your profile on fab, does that mean you didnt tell her about it? (and yes it is hyporcritical of her, as she was on fab too)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh, and it's only fair I answer the same questions (although you've probably guessed my answers from my comment a few posts above this one).

If I met someone who I fell for hook, line and sinker - I'd give this up immediately if necessary.

In fact, if I ever fall for someone who isn't a swinger then I can see myself just saying goodbye to the friends I've made here, deleting this account and never ever mentioning it to them.

For me, swinging would always come 2nd to a vanilla relationship with the right person.

Swinging for me, is already low on my list of priorities. So yes, if I met "the one" I'd be out of here: no looking back!"

I'll third that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Im the opposite I love the swinging lifestyle and the social side of swinging and would love to be in a relationship with a male swinger but I would want our relationship to be rock solid before we got into the scene together. So would perhaps come out of the scene for a year or two and then come back. But swinging would always be in the back of my head. Hope this makes sense. The Couples that I have met through swinging I am totally in awe of them and they are some of the best relationships I have ever seen. And I want one like that.

Here's a hypothetical question for you, Shaz...

What if tomorrow you found yourself meeting Mr Right? The man of your dreams. (The one and only true love - or at least it seems. With brown coco skin and curly black hair. It's just the way he looks at you, that gentle lovin' stare.)

But you met him at work or at the supermarket or when putting out your dustbin... i.e. he's vanilla not a swinger.

Could you picture yourself falling for him to the extent that you'd give up the lifestyle? Or would you try to involve him in it? And what if you tried to bring him into the scene but he didn't want to be a part of it?

If you had to choose one or the other - which would it be?"

Hard one I think I would choose him and give it a go but swinging and the experiences that i have had and would be potentially missing out on would always be in the back of my mind. I dont know if I will ever settle down.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its not wrong having a relationship with a swinger you meet of a site. Not just like ships in the night just passing its lovely feeling close. You just you have to be up front about your feelings to each other and what your both looking for .... its like a candy shop on sites like this and lots on offer and can put presure on relationships. People get deep feelings for each other and wish to discover new things and have experiences together it fun. I think if your open its works.When your not it dont. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Im the opposite I love the swinging lifestyle and the social side of swinging and would love to be in a relationship with a male swinger but I would want our relationship to be rock solid before we got into the scene together. So would perhaps come out of the scene for a year or two and then come back. But swinging would always be in the back of my head. Hope this makes sense. The Couples that I have met through swinging I am totally in awe of them and they are some of the best relationships I have ever seen. And I want one like that."

we are a couple, very much in love and trust each other 100%, so much on the same wave length, totally understanding of each other, neither of us had done anything like this before. It is because our relationship is so strong and so good that enables and allows us to do this. I would never swing with a new partner or someone i didnt feel as strongly as i do for my husband, and i dont believe there is another man alive i will ever feel like that for. I couldnt imagine sharing that level of trust, commitment, excitment, pleasure with anyoneelse. So being in a couple is what allows me to swing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldnt entertain a relationship with someone who swung.

Years ago i did meet someone who"dabbled" hence we met. We both decided we wouldnt do anything with anyone until we were comfortable within our realtionship.

I had a site on msn at the time and we had a few socials and consequently he shagged a supposed mate of mine.

She was "my ear" if things were going wrong etc and all the time she (married to someone else) was bonking my fella.

I wiil admit to bieng so angry i would have served time if i had come face to face with her. and him.

The irony of it was he still tried to tell me what to do .

I learnt a valuable lesson and will not make the same mistake again.

And yes...altho this happened a few years back......

I would still serve time if i ever ever met her.

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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

I would love to meet the man of my dreams but dont expect it Will happen for many reasons.

Could i and would i give up swinging? No idea. Cant imagine i would as would still need to watch others having sex and have sex.with women too. One men.wouldnt be able to give me that.

In my dreams the man loves to swing and is bi too and we go to clubs regularly together. And then I wake up lol.

Not sure i can give up swinging

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By *pecial bbCouple
over a year ago

london

[Removed by poster at 20/01/11 17:12:19]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have met someone from here, (not what I was expecting at all) and we are working at a relationship, yes we hope it will last, as we both have the same mentality, as in we both want more than just one on one.

I will admit I was never faithful through both my marriages, and now being able to have met someone who what's to watch me with other guys is a dream come true.

My attitude has changed over the years, and it has taken until now to know exactly what I wanted in a relationship.

I can understand where the lady you were seeing cam from, as you did not meet on fab, but in a pub.

And a lot of men, have said to me once a swinger always a swinger, and the temptation is always there to go and play.

It all depends on how honest and open you are with each other, and each persons mind set."

I met my partner on here...its now 14 months and counting..we had a couples profile briefly ...but we have very differing tastes and preferences sexually...so it was a waste of time..!!!

We go to Chams together...house parties together..but dont behave like a "traditional" swinging couple...I do my thing..he does his...

But our home life together is amazing..we work together as a team..loving and supporting each other...on paper we shouldn't be working out I guess...but hey at this point in time we are both very happy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is all fantasy and fun for most people, us included, we could give up meeting others tomorrow and not look back, we do it because we can and because we enjoy doing it, not because we need to, some people allow swinging to take over their lives and once that happens it just becomes an addiction and a way of life with everything else having to work around swinging rather than the other way around.

The bottom line is each individual is different and we all have different reasons for being here, so it’s not surprising that few people don’t want to mix fantasy with the reality of their everyday life, so would guess that most people who do this as a single would look elsewhere out with the fantasy if they WERE looking for a partner to settle down with in the future.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a relationship off here ,mmm dont think it would ever work ,as much as we would like it to , but if you met someone from outside swinging ! WOULD YOU TELL THEM OF YOUR PAST SEXPLOITS ? FRANKIE XX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/01/11 00:17:16]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's a shame for you. I'll explain what goes on in my head and perhaps it might help?

I've been cheated on by a guy who used Fab as a single guy. We didn't swing together and hadn't met through the scene. I personally have a lot of trust issues with men, rightly, wrongly - just down to my past partners. But I know I can and have stopped using the site in the past because I know why I use it when I'm single. But I think I'd worry that once a guy got a taste for it, he'd not give it up and would do it behind my back. Bearing in mind I'd not want to swing if I was in a relationship. Plus, I'd worry that meeting on the scene would possibly carry an expectation that we would now swing as a couple.

I see this sort of thing all the time.

call me cynical but I usually give any swinging couple made up of two swingles about 3 months max - one or the other seems to find the temptation to play alone surreptitiously too great to resist.

there are of course exceptions .............. some dont last more than a month"

8 months here and doing fine

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By *ohjaneCouple
over a year ago

south staffs

we are a couple, very much in love and trust each other 100%, so much on the same wave length, totally understanding of each other, neither of us had done anything like this before. It is because our relationship is so strong and so good that enables and allows us to do this. I would never swing with a new partner or someone i didnt feel as strongly as i do for my husband, and i dont believe there is another man alive i will ever feel like that for. I couldnt imagine sharing that level of trust, commitment, excitment, pleasure with anyoneelse. So being in a couple is what allows me to swing.

As Belles1 says, that is how it works for us. We swing together and separately, and we have been together 32 years. We did not meet through swinging, but swinging was agreed between us before we got married and has always been a part of our life together.

Jane x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I couldn't agree more with this. I would never have considered swinging as a singleton. Its because I'm part of a couple that I feel able to do it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The reverse of most the posters on this thread.

We met as singles on a swing site & fell for each other big time.

We spent along time getting to know each other before we carefully picked a couple to start our adventure.

For us it meant we could be totally honest from the start. We know female friends who "swung", met "vanilla" partners & found they couldn't be honest about their pasts & buried it. This is NOT honest & not the best way to start a relationship.

We only swing as a couple, enjoying the adventure together. There is no jealousy &, if it got boring or lost it's flavour, we would give it up tomorrow. It's not the be all & end all, it's just fun. A social hobby & we've made some great friends along the way.

Can you imagine being all loved up with a new partner & they say " I've slept with 5 people in my life..How about you ?"

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By *prite128Woman
over a year ago

maidstone

as a swingle I wondered if i was precluding myself from having a relationship with a non swinger simply due to a combination of the perception of what it is we do and the issue of not wanting to hide a big chunk of who I am. Plus I was having a great time so couldnt imagine giving that up either!

i've been really lucky to become involved with someone who i've known for many years...he knows all about the swinging and my sexual orientation and accepts this ( and i dont mean a grudging tolerance and it becoming the proverbial elephant in the room ). However its not for him at all and its been a hell of a lot easier to give up the swinging than i ever imagined.

I made some great friends through here and so i keep this profile, with his knowledge, until such time i want to move on. The only compromise for me is girl play...so i just focus my bed time viewing in that direction

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