FabSwingers.com forum: I have seen a friends fella on here...

By *etswingers OP Couple
over a year ago

London

Hi everyone I know we don't post often in the forums but I just wondered if you could advise us.

We recently got a message from a guy with a single profile account, included face pictures and we know him and he is engaged to and is going to get married to one of our friends.

We think it's likely she doesn't know he's on here as he doesn't mention her in his profile and he says he's happy to meet married women.

We are tempted to block him and walk away as we don't know all the circumstances although we would hate to think that we could save future pain for her by making the wrong choice.

Could anyone advise us what to do please?

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By *ichaelsmyMan
over a year ago

douglas

block and leave alone

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I always say block and forget for precisely the reasons you state. If you feel you must do something tell him you have seen his profile, the rest is then up to him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tricky but I would stay out of it if it was me. Unless it was a close friend then I would feel like I would need to tell x

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

I would maybe talk to him about it, depending on how well you know him.

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By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman
over a year ago

stourbridge area

Well ... if your sure its him , id be really tempted to say hi , then ask.if they have a couples profile too .....see what his reaction is ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would maybe talk to him about it, depending on how well you know him."

i totally agree

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

A very unpleasant situation for you

Does your female friend know about Fab?

If they are close fiends hold a dinner party and tell them you're so glad you can confess about Fab now seeing as the male is on there.

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By *ivinefoxWoman
over a year ago

Coventry

If it was a close friend I would show her his profile. If I was going to be married to someone and they were cheating already I'd want to know!

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By *etswingers OP Couple
over a year ago

London

We have never discussed it with them and he can't accom... So it looks a little suspect. We Dont really know him well but have known her longer.

Its a hard situation and we may leave it but look for a chance to bring swinging up in a convo and see if there's a reaction leading to an open discussion.

We feel uncomfortable about it.

Thank you those who posted.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

The op says they think it's "likely" she doesn't know.

They don't actually know the situation. Leave other people's private life alone unless you are absolutely certain you know the facts.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"If it was a close friend I would show her his profile. If I was going to be married to someone and they were cheating already I'd want to know! "

I agree I'd want to know. But I wouldn't relish being the bearer of bad news either

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

I would say it depends on how close you are to your friend. If you do tell her, she will ask how you found out, which could result in you two being outed as swingers, which may or may not be an issue for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The op says they think it's "likely" she doesn't know.

They don't actually know the situation. Leave other people's private life alone unless you are absolutely certain you know the facts."

Agreed. A friends husband messaged us a while back with a single profile. He did not know it was us. I instantly blocked him and said nothing- We don't know what goes on in their lives and what he gets up to has nothing to do with us x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All men r the same thats why im single

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What sort of friend would you be if you didn't disclose what you know?

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

"The op says they think it's "likely" she doesn't know.

They don't actually know the situation. Leave other people's private life alone unless you are absolutely certain you know the facts."

You don't need to know all the facts to say "your partner is on a swinging site"

If they know and its all fine, then no harm done.

If they don't, then...wouldn't you want to know your partner was cheating on you?

Staying quiet is the easy option but I'd it were a close friend of mine I'd tell without question.

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

"What sort of friend would you be if you didn't disclose what you know?

This.

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By *not69Man
over a year ago

Lancashire

[Removed by poster at 18/12/15 00:12:18]

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By *not69Man
over a year ago

Lancashire

Send him a message...

"Do you and (friends name) have a coupés profile too, or doesn't she know your on here"

A friend saw her neighbours fella on here a short while ago and after a similar message he went unlos very quickly

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By *hocko87Man
over a year ago

dublin

I would not say anything n just block him it's none of ur business I think n u might get d brunt end of it

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

I think the worst part about this is they are going to get married. In one way a lot of future heartache could be spared maybe.

A female friend and I met a guy at a social. He then messaged his wife-to-be's sister on here. The poor woman created a profile to message the women who had veri'd him.

I have women blocked so she could only message my friend. She was horrified but decided to go with the truth. In the end the fiancé was very grateful.

But it could have turned out different.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If it was a close friend I would show her his profile. If I was going to be married to someone and they were cheating already I'd want to know!

I agree I'd want to know. But I wouldn't relish being the bearer of bad news either

Screenshot and print, pop it in an envelope? Bit of a cowards way out but at least you've let the friend know and not gotten involved. Just a late night thought....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're old enough to know right from wrong. Tell your friend, if it was you, you'd rather know in that circumstance.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"The op says they think it's "likely" she doesn't know.

They don't actually know the situation. Leave other people's private life alone unless you are absolutely certain you know the facts.

You don't need to know all the facts to say "your partner is on a swinging site"

If they know and its all fine, then no harm done.

If they don't, then...wouldn't you want to know your partner was cheating on you?

Staying quiet is the easy option but I'd it were a close friend of mine I'd tell without question. "

I don't agree but that's what forums are for

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

If I were being cheated on, I would want to know. It would be hard for a friend to tell you and a very difficult position for them to be in. I would still talk to the guy first and hope he would do the right thing by his fiancee.

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By *etswingers OP Couple
over a year ago

London

Thank you. We will find a way to talk to him first, then see what to do next. We are feeling that if she doesnt know we should tell her.

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By *ohnaronMan
over a year ago

london

Careful. She won't be grateful for being told her fella is a cheating shite and will forever blame you for destroying what she imagines to be an idylic marriage.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What sort of friend would you be if you didn't disclose what you know?

This^

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

Its a hard one and I wouldn't know how to proceed. I would want to know if it was me though...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All men r the same thats why im single"

Hence I'm single for the same reason regards women then in that case. Be realistic. We aren't the same just as you aren't.

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By *erfectman122Man
over a year ago

from somewhere nice

I'd block and leave alone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you. We will find a way to talk to him first, then see what to do next. We are feeling that if she doesnt know we should tell her. "

Just remembered talking to him =instant purge of all evidence + he starts telling her how you two are some kind of weird perverts who have been trying to get him to have a threesomes with you but he turned you down. Also that you guys tried to blackmail him into meeting with you by treating to tell her that you already had.

Thus when you turn up to talk to her she's already loaded up with "the truth" to smash you guys as evil perverts trying to steal her wonderful future husband who would never lie to her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All men r the same thats why im single"

Yeah... that's why you're single.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All men r the same thats why im single

Yeah... that's why you're single."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All men r the same thats why im single

Yeah... that's why you're single."

I'm still laughing at this, well played sir!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't send him a message.

I *would* talk to my friend about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tricky but I would stay out of it if it was me. Unless it was a close friend then I would feel like I would need to tell x"

I would want to know if it was my partner.

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By *aked_ShenanigansCouple
over a year ago

nearby

I (Dave) had exactly the same problem about 4 years ago on here when I was a single. I had known said couple for a number of years and actually saw the fem on here. Clothed upper body shots with the face blurred taken from Facebook used on here. Not exactly subtle! Anyway when I was certain I actually knew one of the lads she had seen from a social and he varified it was her from a face pic I had.

I had to mention it to my friend, outing my life style at the same time. It wasn't easy seeing a good friend having to hear it but he was greatful and had suspicions as things had been distant for a month or two.

My advice OP is to tell the friend . Don't try and mediate the profile on here.. you're only getting further in the mess. Go with direct facts and also accept that your private life is going to be aired with it.

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

"Hi everyone I know we don't post often in the forums but I just wondered if you could advise us.

We recently got a message from a guy with a single profile account, included face pictures and we know him and he is engaged to and is going to get married to one of our friends.

We think it's likely she doesn't know he's on here as he doesn't mention her in his profile and he says he's happy to meet married women.

We are tempted to block him and walk away as we don't know all the circumstances although we would hate to think that we could save future pain for her by making the wrong choice.

Could anyone advise us what to do please?"

If you don't know all of the facts, I'd want to be very certain before dropping this bombshell..

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By *he Knight is YoungMan
over a year ago

22 Acacia Ave, Preston-for now

Like the rule of fight club.

1, no talks about fight club.

What's on fab stays on fab.

It's his/her life and should not be judged as we don't know why they are on fab,it's their personal choice to be on here and not for us to question why.

I have seen people I know on fab and just left it at that.

Leave them to their life and walk on by.

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

"Tricky but I would stay out of it if it was me. Unless it was a close friend then I would feel like I would need to tell x

I would want to know if it was my partner."

So would I. And if she already knows then it's not an issue telling her is it? Unless the OP doesn't want to be outed as being on fab x

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By *renaaJirkaCouple
over a year ago

Prague and New York

Block and leave

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

"If it was a close friend I would show her his profile. If I was going to be married to someone and they were cheating already I'd want to know!

I agree I'd want to know. But I wouldn't relish being the bearer of bad news either

Screenshot and print, pop it in an envelope? Bit of a cowards way out but at least you've let the friend know and not gotten involved. Just a late night thought.... "

A very good late night thought. I would also stick it on a memory stick and pop it along in the mail with the printouts; When she confronts him, he will most likely deny it and say that the printout is a fake

If I were about to engage in a relationship and my best friend found out that he was a cheat then I would want her to let me know some way

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By *enithWoman
over a year ago

closer than you think

I was messaged by a close work colleagues husband ..... Decided not to say anything to her.

Month later she approached me and asked if I was still on the site (she knew of my lifestyle) as she thought her husband was cheating. I admitted he had messaged me and the look in her eyes when she asked why I hadn't said anything will stay with me for a long time ...... She was devastated

we did a bit more searching on the site and discovered he had also set up a profile as a TV and had pics taken in their bedroom!!!! Let's just say they are now separated!

I say tell her!!

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By *etswingers OP Couple
over a year ago

London

I know her from work as we've become friends, (not really close but still friends), she knows some of my friends and even family. Plus she has access to my Facebook profile, with all my friends and family on there and my work stuff.

I really wouldn't want us to be outed, so I need to try to find a way of almost anonymously letting her know to be able to save our personal life too.

As if she is very angry she could hit out potentially at us in anger.

It feels a little bit like the cowards way but at least potentially I could also support her if she is upset.

I'm not sure how I can honestly let her know though if I use a memory stick what do I put on there please, what about an email from a new hotmail address. With screenshots? Is that traceable?

Thank you.

She

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

"I know her from work as we've become friends, (not really close but still friends), she knows some of my friends and even family. Plus she has access to my Facebook profile, with all my friends and family on there and my work stuff.

I really wouldn't want us to be outed, so I need to try to find a way of almost anonymously letting her know to be able to save our personal life too.

As if she is very angry she could hit out potentially at us in anger.

It feels a little bit like the cowards way but at least potentially I could also support her if she is upset.

I'm not sure how I can honestly let her know though if I use a memory stick what do I put on there please, what about an email from a new hotmail address. With screenshots? Is that traceable?

Thank you.

She"

Set up a new hotmail account at an Internet cafe and email from there

A screen-shot, making certain that there aren't any other tabs open, is virtually untraceable

Be a friend to your friend. How would you feel if the situtation was reversed and she kept mum

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By *etswingers OP Couple
over a year ago

London

You are quite right and we are going to tell her. So 1 last question do we do it now,or do we wait until she's had Christmas and New Year and then do it so we don't ruin Xmas for her if? potentially she doesn't know?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You are quite right and we are going to tell her. So 1 last question do we do it now,or do we wait until she's had Christmas and New Year and then do it so we don't ruin Xmas for her if? potentially she doesn't know?"

I would tell her now. But that's just me.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I'm a firm believer in keeping my nose out of other peoples business: that applies to my children too.

I'm not the moral police or privy to what goes on behind closed doors. I've seen friendships ruined by good intentions.

We all know what the road to hell is paved with!

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By *lackMetalMan
over a year ago

Centre

[Removed by poster at 18/12/15 09:23:41]

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By *lackMetalMan
over a year ago

Centre

"If it was a close friend I would show her his profile. If I was going to be married to someone and they were cheating already I'd want to know!

I agree I'd want to know. But I wouldn't relish being the bearer of bad news either

Screenshot and print, pop it in an envelope? Bit of a cowards way out but at least you've let the friend know and not gotten involved. Just a late night thought.... "

Best idea I have come across so far.

This means your lives as swingers stays discreet and you give the guy a chance to reset his relationship and a chance to being responsible.

If this doesn't work, then there's not much you can do. If you decide to have a chat with him, thus compromising your privacy as swingers, then do it in a mature open minded way and not in an accusatory manner since you don't know the ins and outs of their relationship. You have to approach it diplomatically along the lines of you have come across his profile and you hope that your friend is aware or involved somewhat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really wouldn't want us to be outed, so I need to try to find a way of almost anonymously letting her know to be able to save our personal life too.

As if she is very angry she could hit out potentially at us in anger.

It feels a little bit like the cowards way but at least potentially I could also support her if she is upset.

I'm not sure how I can honestly let her know though if I use a memory stick what do I put on there please, what about an email from a new hotmail address. With screenshots? Is that traceable?

Thank you.

She

Set up a new hotmail account at an Internet cafe and email from there

A screen-shot, making certain that there aren't any other tabs open, is virtually untraceable

Be a friend to your friend. How would you feel if the situtation was reversed and she kept mum"

I would do this, however once done it can't be undone, so if she comes to you about it upset or looking for advice, someone to cry to etx you would have to be very careful with what you do and say, would you be able to deal with that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If it was a close friend I would show her his profile. If I was going to be married to someone and they were cheating already I'd want to know! "

This!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She might know about it and get a kick out of knowing he is with other women., the fact that she has not told you anything about it could simply mean that they want to keep their own kink private. If your close friend confides in you to say that she thinks her other half is having an affair then thats all different, blab all but 'til then., just keep on enjoying yourselves....

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By *wanseajakMan
over a year ago

Swansea

"The op says they think it's "likely" she doesn't know.

They don't actually know the situation. Leave other people's private life alone unless you are absolutely certain you know the facts."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If it was a close friend I would show her his profile. If I was going to be married to someone and they were cheating already I'd want to know! "

If he is the sort of guy that goes on a site like this. Then he is the sort of guy to say you set his profile up to cause trouble

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After Xmas and new year. If you do it before then there's a big chance during any future Xmas's and new year, all she'll think about is finding out her future husband cheated. Possibly ruining both days for her. Just a thought.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

we had our pictures stolen once and used for another profile with a different location, ages and preferences. It was easy for anyone looking at that profile to think that what they saw was fact...it wasn't.

I still say before you tell all you know ensure you know what you're telling is right.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She might know about it and get a kick out of knowing he is with other women., the fact that she has not told you anything about it could simply mean that they want to keep their own kink private. If your close friend confides in you to say that she thinks her other half is having an affair then thats all different, blab all but 'til then., just keep on enjoying yourselves.... "

Hi. good point. However in that case wouldn't it be likely she'll thank the OP for looking out for her but go on to say she already knew he's on fab with her permission? Again sorry just a thought.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A very unpleasant situation for you

Does your female friend know about Fab?

If they are close fiends hold a dinner party and tell them you're so glad you can confess about Fab now seeing as the male is on there."
that's twisted in my opinion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have never discussed it with them and he can't accom... So it looks a little suspect. We Dont really know him well but have known her longer.

Its a hard situation and we may leave it but look for a chance to bring swinging up in a convo and see if there's a reaction leading to an open discussion.

We feel uncomfortable about it.

Thank you those who posted. "

Don't converse with him at all. Tell your friend he's on there, show the profile and then let her decide. If it comes out that he's on here and your friend knows you done any type of communicating with him before telling her, that would piss her off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh yeah and do it after Xmas and new year, never know he might knock it on the head himself before then, keep an eye on his profile and if it's still in use and been logged into after New Years, tell her. When you tell her show her the profile then with her permission arrange a meet and confirmation it is him so he can't worm his way out of it by saying someone set him up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *etswingers OP Couple
over a year ago

London

Thank you all. After listening to your many opinions and private messages too, we think will wait until straight after New Year to not ruin any future holidays for her.

We will then send her an anonymous screenshot in the post with a covering typed letter saying that we are only letting her know because we want to be sure she is aware, and we do hope that she is aware and part of it but if not it's only fair that she knows.

We won't approach him or converse with him beforehand or at any point tell her or him that we are on this site or mention it in the future to her, regardless of what action they do or don't take.

We do hope that she is aware and e.verything continues for them.

Many thanks to all of you for helping us get it straight in our heads and the possibilities and what actions we should take.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

None of us can possibly know about the private lives of people we've never met or how either of them might react to something that we have the scantiest of evidence on.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Thank you all. After listening to your many opinions and private messages too, we think will wait until straight after New Year to not ruin any future holidays for her.

We won't approach him or converse with him beforehand or at any point tell her or him that we are on this site or mention it in the future to her, regardless of what action they do or don't take.

We do hope that she is aware and e.verything continues for them.

Many thanks to all of you for helping us get it straight in our heads and the possibilities and what actions we should take.

You don't feel that creepy and frightening?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All men r the same thats why im single

Yeah... that's why you're single.

I'm still laughing at this, well played sir!"

Boom!

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By *adja_lazloCouple
over a year ago

Solihull

"Hi everyone I know we don't post often in the forums but I just wondered if you could advise us.

We recently got a message from a guy with a single profile account, included face pictures and we know him and he is engaged to and is going to get married to one of our friends.

We think it's likely she doesn't know he's on here as he doesn't mention her in his profile and he says he's happy to meet married women.

We are tempted to block him and walk away as we don't know all the circumstances although we would hate to think that we could save future pain for her by making the wrong choice.

Could anyone advise us what to do please?"

depends if you dont mind 'outing' yourself, but a quiet word with him, ask if they have a couples profile maybe? In situations like this, mostly the messenger takes the heat, tricky one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you all. After listening to your many opinions and private messages too, we think will wait until straight after New Year to not ruin any future holidays for her.

...I'm sure you don't mean to come across as slightly pompous, but to me, it seems uncomfortably so.

I really think your involvement and the way you've oohed and ahhed, the way you've decided is the best time to 'out' him and the situation to her - will probably only end in strife for YOU.

Leave them alone, whatever happens in their relationship should happen organically without interjection from outsiders.

Your guilt over 'knowing' what you think you 'know' needs to dealt with by you - leave her to find out if there's anything to find out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you all. After listening to your many opinions and private messages too, we think will wait until straight after New Year to not ruin any future holidays for her.

We won't approach him or converse with him beforehand or at any point tell her or him that we are on this site or mention it in the future to her, regardless of what action they do or don't take.

We do hope that she is aware and e.verything continues for them.

Many thanks to all of you for helping us get it straight in our heads and the possibilities and what actions we should take.

Good choice. I'd want to know if it were me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know about others but if i ever found out a partner was cheating on me and a friend knew about it and didn't tell me then Frankley the "friend" would be getting thrown out with the cheat.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Thank you all. After listening to your many opinions and private messages too, we think will wait until straight after New Year to not ruin any future holidays for her.

We won't approach him or converse with him beforehand or at any point tell her or him that we are on this site or mention it in the future to her, regardless of what action they do or don't take.

We do hope that she is aware and e.verything continues for them.

Many thanks to all of you for helping us get it straight in our heads and the possibilities and what actions we should take.

How would you feel if a screen shot of your profile was posted with an anonymous typed letter to someone?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't know about others but if i ever found out a partner was cheating on me and a friend knew about it and didn't tell me then Frankley the "friend" would be getting thrown out with the cheat.

You wouldn't mind your 'friend' sending you a screenshot of 'evidence' after 'knowing' for a while, going through the 'evidence' with all and sundry before deciding to 'help' you by telling you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tricky but I would stay out of it if it was me. Unless it was a close friend then I would feel like I would need to tell x"

Yes tricky i agree.either stay out of it or aproach the fella about it u never no it might make him see sense and stop what he is doing behind her back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't know about others but if i ever found out a partner was cheating on me and a friend knew about it and didn't tell me then Frankley the "friend" would be getting thrown out with the cheat.

You wouldn't mind your 'friend' sending you a screenshot of 'evidence' after 'knowing' for a while, going through the 'evidence' with all and sundry before deciding to 'help' you by telling you?

I'd rather they told me in person of course.

But I could fully understand a fiend having a moral dilemma before telling me so long as they told me.

But a friend who covered up such a hurtful thing isn't worth shit quite frankly, they aren't a friend and they aren't worth keeping.

In bin right after the cheat.

A friend has your back, not your cheating partners back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd want to know.... And I would hope friends would tell me. I can deal with it then.

Op. Don't envy you x I'm.lucky as no one to out me too x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't know about others but if i ever found out a partner was cheating on me and a friend knew about it and didn't tell me then Frankley the "friend" would be getting thrown out with the cheat.

You wouldn't mind your 'friend' sending you a screenshot of 'evidence' after 'knowing' for a while, going through the 'evidence' with all and sundry before deciding to 'help' you by telling you?

I'd rather they told me in person of course.

But I could fully understand a fiend having a moral dilemma before telling me so long as they told me.

But a friend who covered up such a hurtful thing isn't worth shit quite frankly, they aren't a friend and they aren't worth keeping.

In bin right after the cheat.

A friend has your back, not your cheating partners back."

I'd be more hurt that these friends had mulled things over to such a degree and seemed to be more concerned about how they come out of it.

If she really doesn't know what her partners up to (even if she doesn't, it's still not their place to tell her), what a double whammy that'd be for her - cheating spouse-to-be and shady friends.

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By *ynamicrickCouple
over a year ago

scunthorpe

Telling a friend does not always work the best advice you could take is that it has nothing to do with you he's an adult his mistakes his choice if he blows it just delete him and get back to what you want to do on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If it was a close friend I would show her his profile. If I was going to be married to someone and they were cheating already I'd want to know! "
im inclined to agree with this until I thought about it, if as we are to assume his future wife knows nothing about this site and you turn up with a profile of her fiance on a sex site that you yourself are on, being vanilla she's hardly going to thank you for sharing, likely hood is she'll vent her spleen on you and he'll somehow wriggle free only for you to be singled out for abuse. A woman scourned! I'd confront him, it's safer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Block and walk away. No one knows what goes on in other people's relationships. Poking your nose in will not end well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i would just leave well alone not get involed or could come back to you so id block him and forget bout it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But can you guarantee without question that she isn't doing the same on this site or indeed any other site. And I mean cast iron guarantee...I would not get involved solely because of this reason...

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

"Thank you all. After listening to your many opinions and private messages too, we think will wait until straight after New Year to not ruin any future holidays for her.

We won't approach him or converse with him beforehand or at any point tell her or him that we are on this site or mention it in the future to her, regardless of what action they do or don't take.

We do hope that she is aware and e.verything continues for them.

Many thanks to all of you for helping us get it straight in our heads and the possibilities and what actions we should take.

Good choice

Say in the anonymous letter that you are a well-wisher and your only reason for sending the screen shot is so that she is aware of what he is doing. And that if she is already aware of what he is doing then that is wonderful

Add to that that you, the well-wisher, are swingers and make no moral judgements about him or her, other than if he were cheating on her

That way, if she does know that he is on this site, she then is also reassured that this isn't the start of some kind of blackmail

As another poster said, if I ever found out that my best friend knew that my husband (one who does not exist and is only brought up in conversations with tradesmen when I have broken something and need someone to blame) was cheating and she kept quiet, then that would be the end of my friendship with her

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

"I always say block and forget for precisely the reasons you state. If you feel you must do something tell him you have seen his profile, the rest is then up to him."

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By *aneandpaulCouple
over a year ago

cleveleys

only one person will get hurt so keep your mouth shut

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is not your life and you shouldn't get involved in other people's business.

It's not for you to judge why he is on here. you don't know what goes on behind closed doors, non of us do.

If he stays on here and meets others he runs his own chance of getting found out by her one way or the other. What will happen will happen, but it will be of his own doing not yours.

If you haven't got the bottle to say it to her face (like a true friend would) you can't be that much of a close friend. She will always be thinking who posted that letter just as much as her partners actions which isn't fair on her. Your not really thinking of her own well fair but can't live with knowing what he is doing. Your trying to protect yourself first without what thought all of this will do to them.

Leave well alone !

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Thank you all. After listening to your many opinions and private messages too, we think will wait until straight after New Year to not ruin any future holidays for her.

We won't approach him or converse with him beforehand or at any point tell her or him that we are on this site or mention it in the future to her, regardless of what action they do or don't take.

We do hope that she is aware and e.verything continues for them.

Many thanks to all of you for helping us get it straight in our heads and the possibilities and what actions we should take.

Good choice

Add to that that you, the well-wisher, are swingers and make no moral judgements about him or her, other than if he were cheating on her

That way, if she does know that he is on this site, she then is also reassured that this isn't the start of some kind of blackmail

Ever watched Patricia Routledge in A Lady of Letters?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell her, or never refer to her as a friend again!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you all. After listening to your many opinions and private messages too, we think will wait until straight after New Year to not ruin any future holidays for her.

We won't approach him or converse with him beforehand or at any point tell her or him that we are on this site or mention it in the future to her, regardless of what action they do or don't take.

We do hope that she is aware and e.verything continues for them.

Many thanks to all of you for helping us get it straight in our heads and the possibilities and what actions we should take.

You really need to give yourselves a good talking to instead of writing about anonymous letters and the like. This is real life not some TV show.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Regarding the anonymous letter, please don't do it. Imagine receiving that yourself, you'd be forever wondering who sent it, who is watching you.

Either do it by showing your friend in person, or leave it alone, being anonymous is a cowardly way to do it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just block him and forget about it, if you interfere you will end up the bad ones, most likely with your.personal life and membership of fab spread all over,

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

"Just block him and forget about it, if you interfere you will end up the bad ones, most likely with your.personal life and membership of fab spread all over,

I understand your predicament and think this above could be the worst situation, maybe she is aware.

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By *he Knight is YoungMan
over a year ago

22 Acacia Ave, Preston-for now

"Just block him and forget about it, if you interfere you will end up the bad ones, most likely with your.personal life and membership of fab spread all over,

I understand your predicament and think this above could be the worst situation, maybe she is aware. "

True,and may a mutual understanding that no one on fab would know about as many contributions may add to this predicament as in lifestyles of habit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you need 100% proof it's him first.

I once saw my friends hubby on a dating site saying he was single with no children, I showed her the profile for a while she forgave him but they broke up a few weeks later.

If I was attached I would want my friends to tell me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Grass the fucker up.serves him right if he looses her

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By *ikki ShooterTV/TS
over a year ago

Epsom

"The op says they think it's "likely" she doesn't know.

They don't actually know the situation. Leave other people's private life alone unless you are absolutely certain you know the facts."

Leave it. If you were to break up their marriage would it make you feel better.... I think not!

If you talk to him he'll denie it and hide his profile for a while so you can't win....

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By *ezjez369Man
over a year ago

london

"All men r the same thats why im single"

Someone not get a dance at the Xmas party?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The op says they think it's "likely" she doesn't know.

They don't actually know the situation. Leave other people's private life alone unless you are absolutely certain you know the facts.

Leave it. If you were to break up their marriage would it make you feel better.... I think not!

If you talk to him he'll denie it and hide his profile for a while so you can't win...."

Yeah, I'd find it really easy to sleep at night knowing my friends husband was sticking his dick in random people on a sex site, and then taking home whatever he caught (because if he's being a dishonest shit, why would he be doing safe sex?) and putting his dick in her.

Funnily enough, I care about the health and wellbeing of my friends. Which is why I would tell them if I knew their partner was shagging around.

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

"Thank you all. After listening to your many opinions and private messages too, we think will wait until straight after New Year to not ruin any future holidays for her.

We won't approach him or converse with him beforehand or at any point tell her or him that we are on this site or mention it in the future to her, regardless of what action they do or don't take.

We do hope that she is aware and e.verything continues for them.

Many thanks to all of you for helping us get it straight in our heads and the possibilities and what actions we should take.

Good choice

Add to that that you, the well-wisher, are swingers and make no moral judgements about him or her, other than if he were cheating on her

That way, if she does know that he is on this site, she then is also reassured that this isn't the start of some kind of blackmail

Ever watched Patricia Routledge in A Lady of Letters?"

Ever heard or experienced friendship?

Minding ones' own business is fine where strangers are concerned. I would assume that my friends would warn me in some way before I get deeply involved with some creep who could literally destroy my life

And if he is doing this with her consent, then fine. Stating that the 'informants' are swingers will not threaten her

I would much rather know about this now than after that blissful walk down the aisle

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Thank you all. After listening to your many opinions and private messages too, we think will wait until straight after New Year to not ruin any future holidays for her.

We won't approach him or converse with him beforehand or at any point tell her or him that we are on this site or mention it in the future to her, regardless of what action they do or don't take.

We do hope that she is aware and e.verything continues for them.

Many thanks to all of you for helping us get it straight in our heads and the possibilities and what actions we should take.

Good choice

Add to that that you, the well-wisher, are swingers and make no moral judgements about him or her, other than if he were cheating on her

That way, if she does know that he is on this site, she then is also reassured that this isn't the start of some kind of blackmail

Ever watched Patricia Routledge in A Lady of Letters?

Ever heard or experienced friendship?

And if he is doing this with her consent, then fine. Stating that the 'informants' are swingers will not threaten her

I would much rather know about this now than after that blissful walk down the aisle"

Yes I have heard of and experienced friendship, I'm 59. I would never send a friend a type written anonymous letter purporting to be from a well wished nor would I presume to know intimate details of their private life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you all. After listening to your many opinions and private messages too, we think will wait until straight after New Year to not ruin any future holidays for her.

We won't approach him or converse with him beforehand or at any point tell her or him that we are on this site or mention it in the future to her, regardless of what action they do or don't take.

We do hope that she is aware and e.verything continues for them.

Many thanks to all of you for helping us get it straight in our heads and the possibilities and what actions we should take.

You don't feel that creepy and frightening? "

Sounds like a easy way to get arrested for harassment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If decide to tell her make sure your 100% sure it's him and be prepared to be blamed .just do it in person as the other way mentioned is really creepy and will freak her out

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I think I'd tell. I'd want to know if it were me.

I'm happy to be the shot messenger. If it's a decent friendship, it'll survive cause my friends know that I love them and I wouldn't deliberately hurt them.

If she knows then that's cool. If she doesn't then she will and then she can make an informed choice.

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By *ikki ShooterTV/TS
over a year ago

Epsom

"The op says they think it's "likely" she doesn't know.

They don't actually know the situation. Leave other people's private life alone unless you are absolutely certain you know the facts.

Leave it. If you were to break up their marriage would it make you feel better.... I think not!

If you talk to him he'll denie it and hide his profile for a while so you can't win....

Funnily enough, I care about the health and wellbeing of my friends. Which is why I would tell them if I knew their partner was shagging around."

You're jumping to the conclusion that you know their whole story... I'm not saying it's right but it would probably be better to be that supporting friend rather than the one that tells.... It's a powder keg

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

And I wouldn't send an anonymous letter... I'd have the courage of my convictions to take responsibility and treat my friend with the respect she deserves rather than freaking her out with random post that she may well just assume is a prank and bin it. If you value your friendship with her then man up and take the risk of her shooting the messenger.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The op says they think it's "likely" she doesn't know.

They don't actually know the situation. Leave other people's private life alone unless you are absolutely certain you know the facts.

Leave it. If you were to break up their marriage would it make you feel better.... I think not!

If you talk to him he'll denie it and hide his profile for a while so you can't win....

Funnily enough, I care about the health and wellbeing of my friends. Which is why I would tell them if I knew their partner was shagging around.

It wouldn't be very supportive to not tell her though.

Instead surely you talk to her, tell her that if she's a swinger you understand her lifestyle because you are too, and then say you were concerned about finding her future husband, but not her, on a swingers site.

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By *reakish DesireCouple
over a year ago

Bisexuals

It's a hard one. I've got a singles and couples profile (Mrs. obviously knows). Having been on the receiving end of this in Vanilla life (not Mrs. kinkysouls). I'd rather have been told, then wasting a whole chunk of my life with them. I could have been with someone who appreciated me, or just having fun in general.

You've got to think of the following:

You know them, how do you think they'll react?

How do you know, she doesn't know?

How you going to break it?

Are prepared for him kicking off, if you 'grass' him up?

Are you willing to be the bearer of bad news? Nobody likes the bringer, of bad news!

How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?

Me and Mrs. have had this conversation, because we've both had crap partners, in hindsight a) we'd want to know, so we could put our time, love,fun into someone/something better. b) we were then free to move to move on, and possibly meet a better match.

Or you could just keep your nose out like some think, and try to sleep happily; a lot of people do...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

depends how close a friend it was

its ok people saying keep your nose out but if the boot was on the othet foot how hurt would you be knowing you had married a man who was cheating on you before you was even wed and the person who you thought was a good friend knew and said nothing

if it was me id want to know and would hope anybody who was my friend would tell me

if she found out i wouldnt be able to look her in the face and be there for her as a friend knowing i knew all along

thats just me though

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

"The op says they think it's "likely" she doesn't know.

They don't actually know the situation. Leave other people's private life alone unless you are absolutely certain you know the facts.

Leave it. If you were to break up their marriage would it make you feel better.... I think not!

If you talk to him he'll denie it and hide his profile for a while so you can't win....

Funnily enough, I care about the health and wellbeing of my friends. Which is why I would tell them if I knew their partner was shagging around.

So, in your opinion, it would be better to let a friend be hurt and then support her than to avoid her getting hurt in the first place. I am glad that I have friends who think differently

In an ideal world, this guy would not be on a swingers site but would be cheating elsewhere and it would not be a problem for the OP to approach her and tell her about his activities

As it stands, if she already knows and consents to it, then noting is lost if the OP just called her to let her know. However, if she is unaware, then the OP has outed herself

Granted, that it is a difficult situation. But that is what friends are for; to care enough for you to try and think for the best for you, just as the OP is doing

Years ago, when I was younger and foolish and believed in happiness ever after, I got cheated on. My friend found out and she agonised for days before plucking up enough courage to tell me. Sent me in deep depression for days but I am eternally grateful to her; she is my bestest, bestest friend

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By *heorgasmaddictMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"All men r the same thats why im single"

Yeah, that's why.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Those suggesting telling are presupposing that they understand fully the relationship between the best friend and her putative groom.

I would suggest life isn't like that.

Block and move on.