FabSwingers.com forum: Abuse

By *astard and goodgirl OP Couple
over a year ago

Near Exeter

Would anyone describe our current profile / relationship as abuse?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would anyone describe our current profile / relationship as abuse? "

Some people will, yes. Others won't. Many people consider anything to do with BDSM to be abuse, especially if the woman is sub.

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By *astard and goodgirl OP Couple
over a year ago

Near Exeter

"Would anyone describe our current profile / relationship as abuse?

Some people will, yes. Others won't. Many people consider anything to do with BDSM to be abuse, especially if the woman is sub."

It was the age of me (good girl) that they brought to light, as i because I'm only 20 it's borderline abuse

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

It doesn't sit well with me as you are so young,whether it's abuse I wouldn't like to say as I don't know you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would anyone describe our current profile / relationship as abuse?

Some people will, yes. Others won't. Many people consider anything to do with BDSM to be abuse, especially if the woman is sub.

It was the age of me (good girl) that they brought to light, as i because I'm only 20 it's borderline abuse "

What utter rubbish.

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT

"Would anyone describe our current profile / relationship as abuse?

Some people will, yes. Others won't. Many people consider anything to do with BDSM to be abuse, especially if the woman is sub.

It was the age of me (good girl) that they brought to light, as i because I'm only 20 it's borderline abuse "

20 is above the legal age of consent. When I was 20 I was in a relationship with a 34 year old, albeit it was a relatively vanilla one.

If you're happy with your relationship and choices it's no one else's business.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would anyone describe our current profile / relationship as abuse?

Some people will, yes. Others won't. Many people consider anything to do with BDSM to be abuse, especially if the woman is sub.

It was the age of me (good girl) that they brought to light, as i because I'm only 20 it's borderline abuse "

Well, clearly some people do see that as abuse.

When I was 18 I dated a 28 year old man, and even though I was a mature teenager looking back it was actually quite abusive.

It's a big age gap at your age - I'm currently at uni and I'm highly aware of how much more life experience I have gained compared to my 20 year old peers.

However that said, if you're both happy then it's really none of their business. You'll both learn in time if your relationship will work or not, and nobody is going to be able to predict the future for you.

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By *lectrumMan
over a year ago

south shields

"Would anyone describe our current profile / relationship as abuse? "

Only if bastards surname is Frittzell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would anyone describe our current profile / relationship as abuse?

Some people will, yes. Others won't. Many people consider anything to do with BDSM to be abuse, especially if the woman is sub.

It was the age of me (good girl) that they brought to light, as i because I'm only 20 it's borderline abuse

What utter rubbish. "

I'll elucidate - your profile states your interests. Totally on those words one cannot assume abuse.

Whether abuse exists one cannot tell by the profile.

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By *astard and goodgirl OP Couple
over a year ago

Near Exeter

"Would anyone describe our current profile / relationship as abuse?

Some people will, yes. Others won't. Many people consider anything to do with BDSM to be abuse, especially if the woman is sub.

It was the age of me (good girl) that they brought to light, as i because I'm only 20 it's borderline abuse

What utter rubbish.

I'll elucidate - your profile states your interests. Totally on those words one cannot assume abuse.

Whether abuse exists one cannot tell by the profile."

Oh abuse exists...... But I love it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would anyone describe our current profile / relationship as abuse? "

I have no idea. What are your thoughts?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would anyone describe our current profile / relationship as abuse? "

I can't send you a message as I am out of your choices.

As a collared slave I feel my duty to point out a typo.

Your lead line is Sub dom. That written like that is putting sub above her station.

sub Dom or more correctly

Dom and sub.

Sorry to be picky, but it's the correct way to address yourself

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By *astard and goodgirl OP Couple
over a year ago

Near Exeter

"Would anyone describe our current profile / relationship as abuse?

I can't send you a message as I am out of your choices.

As a collared slave I feel my duty to point out a typo.

Your lead line is Sub dom. That written like that is putting sub above her station.

sub Dom or more correctly

Dom and sub.

Sorry to be picky, but it's the correct way to address yourself

Duly noted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would anyone describe our current profile / relationship as abuse?

I can't send you a message as I am out of your choices.

As a collared slave I feel my duty to point out a typo.

Your lead line is Sub dom. That written like that is putting sub above her station.

sub Dom or more correctly

Dom and sub.

Sorry to be picky, but it's the correct way to address yourself

Not everyone subscribes to 'twue ways' of writing when it comes to sub/dom.

Repeat to yourself... there is no one true way to do d/s. Or s/d, should that way round take your fancy instead.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would anyone describe our current profile / relationship as abuse?

I can't send you a message as I am out of your choices.

As a collared slave I feel my duty to point out a typo.

Your lead line is Sub dom. That written like that is putting sub above her station.

sub Dom or more correctly

Dom and sub.

Sorry to be picky, but it's the correct way to address yourself

Not everyone subscribes to 'twue ways' of writing when it comes to sub/dom.

Repeat to yourself... there is no one true way to do d/s. Or s/d, should that way round take your fancy instead."

I am very aware that since the "grey' books came out a lot more people are experimenting based upon what they have read.

Also as a singers site D/s is also part of extended play.

However, lifestyle is just that and it encompasses correct etiquette.

As a singers site ok, I understand that such values are like sand through your fingers, however, if this young couple intend to venture into a lifestyle as way of life then they need to understand that core values are just that, core values.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am very aware that since the "grey' books came out a lot more people are experimenting based upon what they have read.

Also as a singers site D/s is also part of extended play.

However, lifestyle is just that and it encompasses correct etiquette.

As someone who has been 'in the scene' and 'involved in the lifestyle' for fifteen years - I can tell you that there are no set rules that you have to follow.

Everyone should feel as if they can do it their own way. And as long as they make themselves happy, then they shouldn't have people lecturing them on the 'correct' way to do BDSM.

The correct way is to enjoy yourselves. Everything else is a matter of taste.

There is no such thing as core values within the BDSM scene - only that everyone involved with each other has to agree up front what's going to go on.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

" I'll elucidate - your profile states your interests. Totally on those words one cannot assume abuse.

Whether abuse exists one cannot tell by the profile."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am very aware that since the "grey' books came out a lot more people are experimenting based upon what they have read.

Also as a singers site D/s is also part of extended play.

However, lifestyle is just that and it encompasses correct etiquette.

As someone who has been 'in the scene' and 'involved in the lifestyle' for fifteen years - I can tell you that there are no set rules that you have to follow.

Everyone should feel as if they can do it their own way. And as long as they make themselves happy, then they shouldn't have people lecturing them on the 'correct' way to do BDSM.

The correct way is to enjoy yourselves. Everything else is a matter of taste.

There is no such thing as core values within the BDSM scene - only that everyone involved with each other has to agree up front what's going to go on."

What an interesting view

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh abuse exists...... But I love it

For fucks sake....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What an interesting view

Really rather common, I think you'll find.

I have friends in the leather and Gor scenes who subscribe to the kinds of values that you suggest - however I would never suggest that anyone who is into BDSM should subscribe to the values of the leather or Gor scenes. If one wishes to be involve with leather or Gor they can do so - but don't tell the rest of us that we have to use the same ways of writing that you prefer. A capital 'd' doesn't make one more dominant. And putting the word 'sub' before 'dom' doesn't change how you interact with people.

How you interact with people in person will tell you more about a BDSM relationship than how people type some pixels on a website.

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire

" I'll elucidate - your profile states your interests. Totally on those words one cannot assume abuse.

Whether abuse exists one cannot tell by the profile.

If you're 20 years old and exploring the bdsm scene.... I'm jealous. I wish I'd found it at your age. Only you two know if she feels used in a way that is detrimental to her mental and physical wellbeing. Ignore the people that don't understand. Let's hope he cherishes her in the way he should

I didn't find anything about your profile that rang alarm bells.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What an interesting view

Really rather common, I think you'll find.

How you interact with people in person will tell you more about a BDSM relationship than how people type some pixels on a website."

I happily agree that we all make typos,I only use my phone not a pc, so typos are very common, and when I read there profile as they had asked for feedback. In my opinion, and I am allowed to express an opinion which many agree is standard way to address someone. And as it was first line,lead line, I presumed a typo,and I only pointed it out as such.

There are many branches to lifestyle, and one can't compare branches of an apple tree to an oak tree, only to say they both need soil and water.

I look forward to learning about the different values in other areas of the scene.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a tough one .

We have witnessed all manner of things we don't understand over the 4 years we have been in this lifestyle .

Guys getting kicked in the bollocks .

Women getting large needles pushed through their skin .

Severe whipping , to the point of bleeding .

Women being slapped and beaten ( because they want it )

People being put in large plastic bags and hovers sucking the air out .

To name a few of them.

And it's all totally consensual .

So we can't judge any if it as abusive as the 'victim' is the perpetrator in a way .

If in the ops case it's all consensual , then abuse may be the wrong word to use ....

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

For me the line between abuse and fun is the consent. So long as one is not consenting to the other for fear of reprisals.

It's an easy habit to get into

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By *astard and goodgirl OP Couple
over a year ago

Near Exeter

"It's a tough one .

We have witnessed all manner of things we don't understand over the 4 years we have been in this lifestyle .

Guys getting kicked in the bollocks .

Women getting large needles pushed through their skin .

Severe whipping , to the point of bleeding .

Women being slapped and beaten ( because they want it )

People being put in large plastic bags and hovers sucking the air out .

To name a few of them.

And it's all totally consensual .

So we can't judge any if it as abusive as the 'victim' is the perpetrator in a way .

If in the ops case it's all consensual , then abuse may be the wrong word to use ...."

Yes this.....

Thank ypu x

I ly thing that goes against one of our values or wishes is Pissing... One of us lives the sport the other does it under duress

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

" I'll elucidate - your profile states your interests. Totally on those words one cannot assume abuse.

Whether abuse exists one cannot tell by the profile.

I didn't find anything about your profile that rang alarm bells. "

What he's just said has to me,I can't begin to understand any of this,but it doesn't sound healthy to me.

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By *uietlyKinkyUsCouple
over a year ago

midlands

"I am very aware that since the "grey' books came out a lot more people are experimenting based upon what they have read.

Also as a singers site D/s is also part of extended play.

However, lifestyle is just that and it encompasses correct etiquette.

As someone who has been 'in the scene' and 'involved in the lifestyle' for fifteen years - I can tell you that there are no set rules that you have to follow.

Everyone should feel as if they can do it their own way. And as long as they make themselves happy, then they shouldn't have people lecturing them on the 'correct' way to do BDSM.

The correct way is to enjoy yourselves. Everything else is a matter of taste.

There is no such thing as core values within the BDSM scene - only that everyone involved with each other has to agree up front what's going to go on."

Interesting view

This sort of statement is very much what predators will use.

Get involved with the scene, with experienced people, knowledgeable people and never take short cuts on knowledge or safety

There's a lot of harmful bs out there and respect should be earned. D/s is capitalised as a sign of respect and knowledge, engaging in the scene will show why etiquette is important and beneficial

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't understand why you're asking. What does it matter what anyone else thinks. You maybe to young for me to get my head around it but I've been in this for many years now and maybe this isn't the right place to ask.x

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By *apillonNoirWoman
over a year ago

There...

"Would anyone describe our current profile / relationship as abuse?

I can't send you a message as I am out of your choices.

As a collared slave I feel my duty to point out a typo.

Your lead line is Sub dom. That written like that is putting sub above her station.

sub Dom or more correctly

Dom and sub.

Sorry to be picky, but it's the correct way to address yourself

Not everyone subscribes to 'twue ways' of writing when it comes to sub/dom.

Repeat to yourself... there is no one true way to do d/s. Or s/d, should that way round take your fancy instead.

I am very aware that since the "grey' books came out a lot more people are experimenting based upon what they have read.

Also as a singers site D/s is also part of extended play.

However, lifestyle is just that and it encompasses correct etiquette.

Good girl has been the victim of abuse.... Most of her life... She was sexually aware very young... Her lifestyle choice and what she enjoys is the feeling of being abused... Although bastard doesn't abuse her.... She just enjoys submitting... She likes to be needy.... She enjoys sitting at his feet naked and collared and having her hear stroked....

Probably needs to address the abuse and get over it rather than facilitate it.... But it works really well for both of us "

Ah. This made me stop dead in my tracks. 'Probably needs to address the abuse and get over it rather than facilitate it...' I'm not qualified in any professional manner to comment but as a compassionate human being this made me think. If you think the abuse probably needs addressing then maybe it actually does need addressing. I'm not suggesting you stop your lifestyle - none of my business but your post asked whether others thought it was abusive - maybe you feel it might be?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am very aware that since the "grey' books came out a lot more people are experimenting based upon what they have read.

Also as a singers site D/s is also part of extended play.

However, lifestyle is just that and it encompasses correct etiquette.

As someone who has been 'in the scene' and 'involved in the lifestyle' for fifteen years - I can tell you that there are no set rules that you have to follow.

Everyone should feel as if they can do it their own way. And as long as they make themselves happy, then they shouldn't have people lecturing them on the 'correct' way to do BDSM.

The correct way is to enjoy yourselves. Everything else is a matter of taste.

There is no such thing as core values within the BDSM scene - only that everyone involved with each other has to agree up front what's going to go on.

Interesting view

This sort of statement is very much what predators will use.

Get involved with the scene, with experienced people, knowledgeable people and never take short cuts on knowledge or safety

There's a lot of harmful bs out there and respect should be earned. D/s is capitalised as a sign of respect and knowledge, engaging in the scene will show why etiquette is important and beneficial

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

"Would anyone describe our current profile / relationship as abuse?

I can't send you a message as I am out of your choices.

As a collared slave I feel my duty to point out a typo.

Your lead line is Sub dom. That written like that is putting sub above her station.

sub Dom or more correctly

Dom and sub.

Sorry to be picky, but it's the correct way to address yourself

Not everyone subscribes to 'twue ways' of writing when it comes to sub/dom.

Repeat to yourself... there is no one true way to do d/s. Or s/d, should that way round take your fancy instead.

I am very aware that since the "grey' books came out a lot more people are experimenting based upon what they have read.

Also as a singers site D/s is also part of extended play.

However, lifestyle is just that and it encompasses correct etiquette.

Probably needs to address the abuse and get over it rather than facilitate it.... But it works really well for both of us

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nah ...it exists

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By *astard and goodgirl OP Couple
over a year ago

Near Exeter

Anyone is free to speak to both of us on the phone and question anything wrong do..... Like literally.... It's funny... The fact that someone labelled it as abuse due to my age.... The fact I have been abused and the fact I enjoy serving as a slave... Pm for number.... I will put you straight - every bit of 'abuse' is warranted and enjoyed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Anyone is free to speak to both of us on the phone and question anything wrong do..... Like literally.... It's funny... The fact that someone labelled it as abuse due to my age.... The fact I have been abused and the fact I enjoy serving as a slave... Pm for number.... I will put you straight - every bit of 'abuse' is warranted and enjoyed "

If it's the age gap people are picking up on, I live with a 21yo and I'm 37 and I challenge anyone to find a modicum of abuse.

Perhaps they can't equate your age alongside the lifestyle you choose, who really knows?....you'll never know the reason people don't like what they don't like, and you'll rarely change what they don't like, so just let them carry on not liking, it's their negative energy, not yours

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Must be one of the most blatant 'look at me' threads for a long time.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Are people picking up in the age gap?

11 years is hardly a massive gap, I moved in with my first partner when I was 18 and he 34 never even thought about it as being an age gap.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would anyone describe our current profile / relationship as abuse?

I can't send you a message as I am out of your choices.

As a collared slave I feel my duty to point out a typo.

Your lead line is Sub dom. That written like that is putting sub above her station.

sub Dom or more correctly

Dom and sub.

Sorry to be picky, but it's the correct way to address yourself

Not everyone subscribes to 'twue ways' of writing when it comes to sub/dom.

Repeat to yourself... there is no one true way to do d/s. Or s/d, should that way round take your fancy instead.

I am very aware that since the "grey' books came out a lot more people are experimenting based upon what they have read.

Also as a singers site D/s is also part of extended play.

However, lifestyle is just that and it encompasses correct etiquette.

I'm so pleased you like to correct things on a 'singers' site! Hehe!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In reality, what anyone thinks is of no concern to you as its your life and you should follow your own minds.

Our BDSM play is just that, not a lifestyle choice but a facet of our love life. Wasp is right in that everyone makes their own choice in how they play.

Probably some established players will look down upon us as not serious but we couldn't care less. Equally some of our vanilla friends would have kittens at some of the stuff we've done. It's up to you op what you do. Others opinions are nothing more than just that; opinions.

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By *eepster69Man
over a year ago

Dumfries

Providing you are consenting and not being coerced into any activity I cannot see it being abuse. You are an adult and able to make your own informed decisions.

I assume the BDSM is just confined to the bedroom? I personally feel those that live it 24/7 have an unhealthy relationship. There is a risk of the 'sub' becoming conditioned into doing things he or she would not normally be comfortable with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Abuse while freely consenting is not actually abuse.

If either of you are worried about it then I would say stop and rethink what you are doing and why but it is for you to decide.

Personal opinion only

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