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Strange story

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By *rivate room OP   Man
over a year ago

Bracknell

I read in a magazine that a young woman was being raped or abused by a man and woman during her lunch breaks when she went out at her university and having normal sexual relationship with her boyfriend. This went on for years. Whilst I deeply sympathise with her and not judging her I don't know why she did not seek help from uni or partner.

Plenty of help nowadays but it can be difficult for the victims.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because for many victims of sexual, and indeed domestic or verbal abuse, they feel real fear of the consequences of what may happen if they said anything. This could be fear or reprisals, fear of not being believed,fear of rejection by loved ones and society in general, embarrassment that they are in the horrible situation they are in.

It is not clear cut just to tell someone close and everything will be ok.

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By *rivate room OP   Man
over a year ago

Bracknell

She should of said to her boyfriend that she does not want sex and not feel pressured if she is being abused.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are we sure this isn't a "oh shit got caught cheating quick say it was rape" thing?

Happened to a friend of a friend and it was grim the amount of shot he went though for iirc about 18 months before she admitted shed made it up was unbelievable.

Then it was just "oh everything's dropped go back to normal" but still there's lots of "no smoke without fire" comments whenever his name is mentioned

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham


"Because for many victims of sexual, and indeed domestic or verbal abuse, they feel real fear of the consequences of what may happen if they said anything. This could be fear or reprisals, fear of not being believed,fear of rejection by loved ones and society in general, embarrassment that they are in the horrible situation they are in.

It is not clear cut just to tell someone close and everything will be ok."

This is so true, sadly.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham


"Are we sure this isn't a "oh shit got caught cheating quick say it was rape" thing?

Happened to a friend of a friend and it was grim the amount of shot he went though for iirc about 18 months before she admitted shed made it up was unbelievable.

Then it was just "oh everything's dropped go back to normal" but still there's lots of "no smoke without fire" comments whenever his name is mentioned "

That happened to a guy when I was at Uni. Then she admitted he hadn't done anything. But she wasn't prosecuted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Are we sure this isn't a "oh shit got caught cheating quick say it was rape" thing?

Happened to a friend of a friend and it was grim the amount of shot he went though for iirc about 18 months before she admitted shed made it up was unbelievable.

Then it was just "oh everything's dropped go back to normal" but still there's lots of "no smoke without fire" comments whenever his name is mentioned

That happened to a guy when I was at Uni. Then she admitted he hadn't done anything. But she wasn't prosecuted."

Yep I think unless they get the first admission on tape they know she'll just turn around and deny admitting it or say she got scared etc if they try to propsecute and they'd have to go back to ruining a man they now know to be innocents life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"She should of said to her boyfriend that she does not want sex and not feel pressured if she is being abused."

If it was that simple there wouldn't be so much abuse. Please do not gloss over the impact abuse has on a victim or just say she shouldn't have felt pressured into it. Unless you have been a victim of abuse or close to someone who has been, you cannot understand the pressures and conflicts this puts a person under.

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By *rivate room OP   Man
over a year ago

Bracknell

Her boyfriend was not the abuser and he was understanding.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Her boyfriend was not the abuser and he was understanding."

But the fear factor of rejection and possibly embarrassment would still have been there, which is a likely reason not to say anything to him.

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By *rivate room OP   Man
over a year ago

Bracknell

You have a very deep level of understanding on this subject, are you a counsellor.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You have a very deep level of understanding on this subject, are you a counsellor."

No

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"She should of said to her boyfriend that she does not want sex and not feel pressured if she is being abused."

I'm not sure where this bit has come from as at no point in the original post did you say she felt pressured to have sex with her partner.

It could be a case of denial, acting like everything is normal, not wanting to lose her boyfriend over it, so kept it to herself and the abuse continued for whatever reason, she felt she couldn't speak out about it.

Many people fear speaking out about abuse as they may be threatened, intimidated or fear they won't be believed. Many cases of this happen daily, more so with children, but adults experiencing it shouldn't be told they should speak out about it, I'd imagine it's not as easy as it seems and unless you've been in the situation you can't make judgements on how someone ddeals with a situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"She should of said to her boyfriend that she does not want sex and not feel pressured if she is being abused.

I'm not sure where this bit has come from as at no point in the original post did you say she felt pressured to have sex with her partner.

It could be a case of denial, acting like everything is normal, not wanting to lose her boyfriend over it, so kept it to herself and the abuse continued for whatever reason, she felt she couldn't speak out about it.

Many people fear speaking out about abuse as they may be threatened, intimidated or fear they won't be believed. Many cases of this happen daily, more so with children, but adults experiencing it shouldn't be told they should speak out about it, I'd imagine it's not as easy as it seems and unless you've been in the situation you can't make judgements on how someone ddeals with a situation. "

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