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frustrated

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hi all

I've been in a relationship for a few years. Everything is cool and we are happy. There is just one thing that niggles me. I feel like she never truly lets herself go during sex. Don't get me wrong, our sex life is great but I get the feeling that she is trying to remain compus-mentus instead of loosing control.

I've never spoken to her about it in those terms but I have tried to give her hints that loosing it during sex is ok, hot and horny even!!

Now we are planning on letting another guy come over to give her a sensual massage. I've already said to her that I'm cool with whatever happens and she can stop things whenever she likes and, equally, she has my blessing to take it as far as she likes. I'm hoping that, with the added excitement of the situation she will finally get in the moment and let herself go. Might not happen on the first massage date but perhaps at the second or third...or whenever, as long as it happens!!

Anyone got any suggestions?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the answer is already there in your post. You say you've never spoken to her about it, why don't you do that?

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By *aucy tiggerWoman
over a year ago

Back where I belong

How will you feel if she does 'let go' with this guy, but still doesn't with you? You really need to have a proper talk with her xx

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By *inxandmaybeCouple
over a year ago

Wells

Morning, if she's not able to relax and let go, I'm not sure talking about it will help - just makes it more of an issue, maybe?

If I was me, I would find it easier if my OH was chilled and led by example, so to speak. She will let go when she feels confident enough. I mean you know your lady best but sometimes drawing attention to it just makes it worse, she'll end up saying to herself 'just relax, just relax, JUST RELAXXXXX' which isn't very relaxing at all..

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By *ransGuyTV/TS
over a year ago

Cardiff


"Morning, if she's not able to relax and let go, I'm not sure talking about it will help - just makes it more of an issue, maybe?

If I was me, I would find it easier if my OH was chilled and led by example, so to speak. She will let go when she feels confident enough. I mean you know your lady best but sometimes drawing attention to it just makes it worse, she'll end up saying to herself 'just relax, just relax, JUST RELAXXXXX' which isn't very relaxing at all..

"

If someone highlights something to me then that's all I can think about, so then I over think about it making it more of a problem.

So if I was her and you told me that, the next time we fucked all that would be on my mind is "He's watching me, he's waiting for me to "let go". What if I can't? What if I don't "let go" enough for him? What if I do and he's still not happy? I feel so self conscious! This is not enjoyable!"

Or

"What is he on about? I do "let go". Oh great, so what I do isn't good enough now? ..."

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks for all the replies, I appreciate it!

I think I'm going to just not mention it at this point. Instead, I'll be following your advice and "lead by example". I'm already quite an "in the moment" type but perhaps it might help her let go if I kind of guide her, adding some different dirty talk encouraging her to play the part of a kinky girl.

Small steps...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let her feel in control and build her confidence up, in and out of the bedroom.

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