FabSwingers.com forum: Club confidence

By *aeBabe OP Woman
over a year ago

London

Hello all you beautiful people xx

So before swinging I didn't have confidence with men but now it has increased to a certain degree, but there is always this fear of rejection. This is always the case when I visit clubs.

I find it hard to approach someone I find attractive for fear of rejection. How do I just get over that hurdle? And psyche myself to just get over it? How do you do it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not conquered it yet in clubs always worried ill bump into the next door neighbour lol. So tend to try a little further afield but then what if everyone thinks like me ha ha.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

I need to psyche myself up just to go to a club x

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

You have tits, arse and a pussy. Men like this shit automatically. You don't have to like them - you can literally just lay back and people - men or women, will come whenever you want.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello all you beautiful people xx

So before swinging I didn't have confidence with men but now it has increased to a certain degree, but there is always this fear of rejection. This is always the case when I visit clubs.

I find it hard to approach someone I find attractive for fear of rejection. How do I just get over that hurdle? And psyche myself to just get over it? How do you do it?"

I joined here a month or so ago and alot high I've had some good chats -no meets as of yet like. Its given me pure confidence with ladies and I've had 2 great encounters with non fabers as a result so I love it carnt wait to get into clubs still

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By *aeBabe OP Woman
over a year ago

London

I don't think that just because I'm a woman any guy I fancy is going to want me lol.

Or should I be thinking that?

It's hard to push past that "if I go up to him, he might just smile and be like, no thanks love move on".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's only natural to be nervous of club going, I found that attending club socials where good there's no pressure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A few friendly naughty smiles usually helps...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to be like you describe yourself. Try not to be too judgemental about yourself and go forward with head held high, and think in your mind...'I'm going to do this'....a little hard at first, but the rewards are very high. Hope my experience in my life has helped you.

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By *aeBabe OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"I used to be like you describe yourself. Try not to be too judgemental about yourself and go forward with head held high, and think in your mind...'I'm going to do this'....a little hard at first, but the rewards are very high. Hope my experience in my life has helped you.

How did you deal with rejection if there was any at all?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello all you beautiful people xx

So before swinging I didn't have confidence with men but now it has increased to a certain degree, but there is always this fear of rejection. This is always the case when I visit clubs.

I find it hard to approach someone I find attractive for fear of rejection. How do I just get over that hurdle? And psyche myself to just get over it? How do you do it?"

Believe me, any man would be delighted to have a lady talk to him in the club. Then just read the cues to see if he's interested. Feel free to pop round for more guidance.

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

"Hello all you beautiful people xx

So before swinging I didn't have confidence with men but now it has increased to a certain degree, but there is always this fear of rejection. This is always the case when I visit clubs.

I find it hard to approach someone I find attractive for fear of rejection. How do I just get over that hurdle? And psyche myself to just get over it? How do you do it?"

This works for me:

Scan and locate target

Make eye contact

Smile

Move forward as if about to walk towards him

Move back

Smile even more invitingly

Works everytime

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I still don't approach people. I let Mr ask lol x sorry it doesn't help but I just feel weird asking

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By *ary_ArgyllMan
over a year ago

Argyll

How did you deal with rejection if there was any at all?

Why do you think the guys are any less nervous?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nobody gets on with everybody, but my confidence and self esteem shot through the roof, so didn't really have any issues with rejection after I decided to be in the right mind set. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been one of those lucky ones, confident and been walking in clubs/partys on my own for nearly 3yrs.I am a natter box and chat to anyone, if someone has rejected me I just thank them for the chat and say enjoy your night, and go find another victim

I don't drink for courage and don't sit around waiting to be approached, I just be myself, it works for me

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By *aeBabe OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"I've been one of those lucky ones, confident and been walking in clubs/partys on my own for nearly 3yrs.I am a natter box and chat to anyone, if someone has rejected me I just thank them for the chat and say enjoy your night, and go find another victim

I don't drink for courage and don't sit around waiting to be approached, I just be myself, it works for me

I need that confidence. Gimme!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello all you beautiful people xx

So before swinging I didn't have confidence with men but now it has increased to a certain degree, but there is always this fear of rejection. This is always the case when I visit clubs.

I find it hard to approach someone I find attractive for fear of rejection. How do I just get over that hurdle? And psyche myself to just get over it? How do you do it?"

I never make the first move on a guy for this very reason I tend to see who approaches me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't drink for courage and don't sit around waiting to be approached, I just be myself, it works for me

I need that confidence. Gimme!

xx"

I think you already have it, you just don't know it, reading your verification s people are mentioning that your confident, easy to talk to etc

believe in yourself and take the plunge, don't worry about rejection we all get that and have rejected people ourselves, just move on to the next victim as I say

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fuck it, I'm awesome. That's all you have to think. What's the worst that will happen if someone says no thanks? Nothing. And then you can find someone else.

It's better than doing nothing and missing out on something really fun.

-Courtney

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In a club I have no problems starting a conversation with a Woman, Unlike on here a simple hi or how you doing usually gets a conversation started, Just small talk and see where it leads, I prefer to join in with a group of people chatting, But I still haven't got it in my to start a conversation with couples as I feel am being judged by the Male, But that's just me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Read a very good article on this afew years back, aimed at single guys at clubs..Basically, you have to make the first move and be friendly and chatty. If you think anyone will approach you while you are sitting in a dark corner all night, then it will be a very lonely long night.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello all you beautiful people xx

So before swinging I didn't have confidence with men but now it has increased to a certain degree, but there is always this fear of rejection. This is always the case when I visit clubs.

I find it hard to approach someone I find attractive for fear of rejection. How do I just get over that hurdle? And psyche myself to just get over it? How do you do it?

This works for me:

Scan and locate target

Make eye contact

Smile

Move forward as if about to walk towards him

Move back

Smile even more invitingly

Works everytime

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I won't to try but want to bring a lady with me for first time

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

Rejection is a bitch but I just think that it's better to go for it and find out rather than leave it and wonder forever what would have happened.

In most situations we only have a very short space of time for decision making so you just got to pick your moment and go for it, nobody will think any less of you for trying and you never know where it will lead.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello all you beautiful people xx

So before swinging I didn't have confidence with men but now it has increased to a certain degree, but there is always this fear of rejection. This is always the case when I visit clubs.

I find it hard to approach someone I find attractive for fear of rejection. How do I just get over that hurdle? And psyche myself to just get over it? How do you do it?"

Mae, you have posted a few things about your lack of confidence and general insecurity. I'm not sure anyone here can necessarily help other than to say it is obvious from your veris etc that many people find you attractive and have enjoyed your company. No one is ever going to be attractive to everyone, and rejection to a certain extent is part of this lifestyle we choose to lead. Take comfort from the fact that many more people will find you attractive than not, that most people will always be polite, will chat if you make the effort and if they say no to anything more try not to take it too personally and move on, I'm sure within a few minutes you will find people hat do want to do more than just chat. Love yourself be confident and enjoy the good experiences and meets and don't worry about the ones that don't happen, life is too short.

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By *eforfuncplCouple
over a year ago

Morecambe

"Hello all you beautiful people xx

So before swinging I didn't have confidence with men but now it has increased to a certain degree, but there is always this fear of rejection. This is always the case when I visit clubs.

I find it hard to approach someone I find attractive for fear of rejection. How do I just get over that hurdle? And psyche myself to just get over it? How do you do it?"

You will have more erections my dear than rejections xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ahh Ive not been to one yet but want to and have the same fears as you! And also - what do you wear?!?! This is a genuine reason I've felt scared of going for the first time - no idea what one wears to these! And I wouldn't be comfortable naked :p any help? Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ahh Ive not been to one yet but want to and have the same fears as you! And also - what do you wear?!?! This is a genuine reason I've felt scared of going for the first time - no idea what one wears to these! And I wouldn't be comfortable naked :p any help? Xx

Wear a dress with sexy lingerie underneath and don't go to a dress down club

You're a woman. You'll be treated well and looked after.

-Courtney

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Read a very good article on this afew years back, aimed at single guys at clubs..Basically, you have to make the first move and be friendly and chatty. If you think anyone will approach you while you are sitting in a dark corner all night, then it will be a very lonely long night."

Woman posts thread... sympathy abounds.

Man posts thread... shot down in flames.

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

Woman posts thread... sympathy abounds.

Man posts thread... shot down in flames. "

so true

hey OP, man up

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By *laction manMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Quite often the clubs look like the canteena scene out of Star Wars.

I know they say as a single man you need to a) get chatting and b) take what you get and be grateful but when there is an obese woman who could be mistaken for a farm animal dressed in lingerie groping me at the bar, it's tough not to get one of those 'what am I doing with my life?' moments.

Don't get me wrong, some clubs are so fun and the atmosphere is great but sadly they are few and far between.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Quite often the clubs look like the canteena scene out of Star Wars.

Don't get me wrong, some clubs are so fun and the atmosphere is great but sadly they are few and far between. "

Sorry I'll keep my hands to myself next time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

George Orwell's Animal Farm is now officially a guide to swinging

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

"Quite often the clubs look like the canteena scene out of Star Wars.

Don't get me wrong, some clubs are so fun and the atmosphere is great but sadly they are few and far between.

Sorry I'll keep my hands to myself next time

But I did stop the moment you reminded me that I am an ugly fat cow

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By *aeBabe OP Woman
over a year ago

London

Woman posts thread... sympathy abounds.

Man posts thread... shot down in flames.

so true

hey OP, man up

Haha I need me some horn balls.

Next time I'm at a club I'm just going to go for it. Watch how my next post after that reads "beaten back by a broomstick in a club, what now? "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rejection is a part of life, from job interviews to swinging clubs. OP, just relax, have no preconceptions and expectations and just have fun. Instead of wondering "what if" just go and say "hi" to the victim of your choice.

If all else fails, have a few rum and s, that'll set you straight.

I'm looking at going to a club, but don't want to go by myself

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

"George Orwell's Animal Farm is now officially a guide to swinging

All swingers are equal. Some are more equal than others . Especially if they are female.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Woman posts thread... sympathy abounds.

Man posts thread... shot down in flames.

so true

hey OP, man up

Haha I need me some horn balls.

Next time I'm at a club I'm just going to go for it. Watch how my next post after that reads "beaten back by a broomstick in a club, what now? "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You have tits, arse and a pussy. Men like this shit automatically. "

Clearly, that is utter bollocks. Just because you have extraordinarily low standards doesn't mean that everyone else does.

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By *aeBabe OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"You have tits, arse and a pussy. Men like this shit automatically.

Clearly, that is utter bollocks. Just because you have extraordinarily low standards doesn't mean that everyone else does."

And this is my thought. I don't think that just because I'm a woman my chosen "victim" will want to play with me.

Yes rejection is hard, I have had rejection and have been ridiculed for trying to make the first move, not in a swinging setting, but in a normal club. It sucks big time...

But I'm slowly learning to brush those feelings off and think like Courtney: I'm totally awesome

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By *llebWoman
over a year ago

Poulton Le Fylde

"Hello all you beautiful people xx

So before swinging I didn't have confidence with men but now it has increased to a certain degree, but there is always this fear of rejection. This is always the case when I visit clubs.

I find it hard to approach someone I find attractive for fear of rejection. How do I just get over that hurdle? And psyche myself to just get over it? How do you do it?

This works for me:

Scan and locate target

Make eye contact

Smile

Move forward as if about to walk towards him

Move back

Smile even more invitingly

Works everytime

Might try a club just to try that out !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You have tits, arse and a pussy. Men like this shit automatically.

Clearly, that is utter bollocks. Just because you have extraordinarily low standards doesn't mean that everyone else does.

And this is my thought. I don't think that just because I'm a woman my chosen "victim" will want to play with me.

Yes rejection is hard, I have had rejection and have been ridiculed for trying to make the first move, not in a swinging setting, but in a normal club. It sucks big time...

But I'm slowly learning to brush those feelings off and think like Courtney: I'm totally awesome

You always come across as a nice person OP. Don't end up like the women that think the sun shines out of their own arse.

Think about how you reject people you don't fancy. You can't fancy everyone. It doesn't mean you are any less of a person if they don't fancy you. Just accept it, smile, and be gracious.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I go to clubs alone.....I sit at the bar and chat, smile, look interested, chat some more, wander about, chat some more!! It's no where near as scary as you think xxx

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By *aeBabe OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"You have tits, arse and a pussy. Men like this shit automatically.

Clearly, that is utter bollocks. Just because you have extraordinarily low standards doesn't mean that everyone else does.

And this is my thought. I don't think that just because I'm a woman my chosen "victim" will want to play with me.

Yes rejection is hard, I have had rejection and have been ridiculed for trying to make the first move, not in a swinging setting, but in a normal club. It sucks big time...

But I'm slowly learning to brush those feelings off and think like Courtney: I'm totally awesome

You always come across as a nice person OP. Don't end up like the women that think the sun shines out of their own arse.

Think about how you reject people you don't fancy. You can't fancy everyone. It doesn't mean you are any less of a person if they don't fancy you. Just accept it, smile, and be gracious.

Thank you for that. I tend to talk to everyone at clubs who say hello to me and find it difficult to reject someone as most times that I reject a single guy he often gets desperate, pushy or rude... I think that's why I always wear my 5" heels to appear bigger

But I totally understand that I won't be for everyone either. I find it easier to approach couples than single men mind you. Weird huh? Maybe because I tend to say hello to the women first, the friendlier face

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By *aynelionWoman
over a year ago

Fakenham

If one rejects you then think someone better will come along. Do you accept all the guys that come in to you?

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By *aeBabe OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"I go to clubs alone.....I sit at the bar and chat, smile, look interested, chat some more, wander about, chat some more!! It's no where near as scary as you think xxx"

I could never go alone or without people I know...

A.) Because I'm scared of the zombie wanking mob

B.) I'm awkward when I'm by myself

And

C.) I've not yet developed my confident "No"... I'm scared to be an easy target

I have done things that I didn't necessarily enjoy under pressure.

You're a brave single independent lady

Where are those horn balls I ordered?!?

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By *aeBabe OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"If one rejects you then think someone better will come along. Do you accept all the guys that come in to you? "

I don't let anyone come into me

It's just getting over that first hurdle, I suppose it will only get easier x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You have tits, arse and a pussy. Men like this shit automatically. You don't have to like them - you can literally just lay back and people - men or women, will come whenever you want. "

Good heavens!....I'm hoping that this lovely shy lady has set her bar higher than "just breathing"...lots of people will like you for just being you, and want to talk to you because you look interesting...and not "just because" as the gentleman above has suggested!

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

"I go to clubs alone.....I sit at the bar and chat, smile, look interested, chat some more, wander about, chat some more!! It's no where near as scary as you think xxx

I could never go alone or without people I know...

A.) Because I'm scared of the zombie wanking mob

B.) I'm awkward when I'm by myself

And

C.) I've not yet developed my confident "No"... I'm scared to be an easy target

I have done things that I didn't necessarily enjoy under pressure.

You're a brave single independent lady

Where are those horn balls I ordered?!?

A) They are harmless. And if you do start chatting with someone, they loose interest in you and start tailing another single woman. And most clubs have lockable play rooms

B) I too sometimes feel awkward standing or sitting by myself. Nurse a glass of cola or something equally inert (or even wine, but sip on it; don't down the whole thing). Let the others drink a little so that their inhibitions are lowered. Remember, a lot of people are feeling just like you. And from what I am told, the guys feel even more awkward

C) This is what I do. I don't say "no"; I am polite and have a couple of minutes of a conversation. I then say, "OK, I am going to circulate a bit; see you later, maybe". If he has already asked then I say something like, "I have only been here a short time; so, maybe later"

It is supposed to be an enjoyable experience for everyone

Spread the risk by checking out more than one guy you may be interested in right at the beginning. Keep tabs on where each is. It may be necessary to locate for the second or third choice later

When I have been rejected, it takes a few minutes for me to compose myself and I then switch my smile on again and look for a previously identified alternative target. Although, I do always try to attract someone who is equal to myself in attractiveness (or not), fitness, etc, so that the chances of rejection are reduced

You are not the only one; I too have done things and with people I wouldn't do again. That is OK; it wasn't a life-changing experience and I try not to think about that

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By *londeandbrownCouple
over a year ago

taunton

Lol

Like any single man would turn down any woman.

I've seen some very handsome men in clubs playing with the women they wouldn't give a second glance to.

I don't think you'll have any problem with men.

The couples that are tricky, are the pretty ones who usually watch from the sides are more interested in how great they look and how bad others look and when approached are as prickly as a hedgehog.

If someone rejects you, so what move onto the next ones.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You have tits, arse and a pussy. Men like this shit automatically.

Clearly, that is utter bollocks. Just because you have extraordinarily low standards doesn't mean that everyone else does.

And this is my thought. I don't think that just because I'm a woman my chosen "victim" will want to play with me.

Yes rejection is hard, I have had rejection and have been ridiculed for trying to make the first move, not in a swinging setting, but in a normal club. It sucks big time...

But I'm slowly learning to brush those feelings off and think like Courtney: I'm totally awesome

You always come across as a nice person OP. Don't end up like the women that think the sun shines out of their own arse.

Think about how you reject people you don't fancy. You can't fancy everyone. It doesn't mean you are any less of a person if they don't fancy you. Just accept it, smile, and be gracious.

I just want to point out that I wasn't saying she should act like the sun shines out of her ass. I don't really think I act like that, either, if that was what you were implying.

I just meant that you have to believe you are awesome to someone. And chances are the OP will be. To someone. And that she shouldn't lack the confidence to go out to a club and find that person.

-Courtney

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find in clubs men tend to be genuinely happy that a woman has spoken to them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I go to clubs alone.....I sit at the bar and chat, smile, look interested, chat some more, wander about, chat some more!! It's no where near as scary as you think xxx

I could never go alone or without people I know...

A.) Because I'm scared of the zombie wanking mob

B.) I'm awkward when I'm by myself

And

C.) I've not yet developed my confident "No"... I'm scared to be an easy target

I have done things that I didn't necessarily enjoy under pressure.

You're a brave single independent lady

Where are those horn balls I ordered?!?

If someone was disrespectful or groped to you in a shop or in the street, would you just accept it? NO...! And that's how I treat a club. I don't accept any different behaviour from people ?xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I go to clubs alone.....I sit at the bar and chat, smile, look interested, chat some more, wander about, chat some more!! It's no where near as scary as you think xxx

I could never go alone or without people I know...

A.) Because I'm scared of the zombie wanking mob

B.) I'm awkward when I'm by myself

And

C.) I've not yet developed my confident "No"... I'm scared to be an easy target

I have done things that I didn't necessarily enjoy under pressure.

You're a brave single independent lady

Where are those horn balls I ordered?!?

A) They are harmless. And if you do start chatting with someone, they loose interest in you and start tailing another single woman. And most clubs have lockable play rooms

It is supposed to be an enjoyable experience for everyone

Spread the risk by checking out more than one guy you may be interested in right at the beginning. Keep tabs on where each is. It may be necessary to locate for the second or third choice later

You are not the only one; I too have done things and with people I wouldn't do again. That is OK; it wasn't a life-changing experience and I try not to think about that

Great post.

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