FabSwingers.com forum: Is asking if you go to the clinic regularly wrong??

By *exypair OP Couple
over a year ago

Medway

If you've been chatting to a couple and get on and hope to meet up very soon would you be offended if they ask you if you get checked??

As far as I'm concerned this topic is not spoke about enough on here!!

There's nothing wrong with wanting to stay safe whilst having fun!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I wouldn't be offended but I would think the reason they asked is cos they want bareback?

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By *exypair OP Couple
over a year ago

Medway

"No I wouldn't be offended but I would think the reason they asked is cos they want bareback?"

True but what if it's just because you want to stay safe and condoms always worn.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it's that important to you then risk losing the meet.

You could ask tactfully but idk how.

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford

It shouldn't be a problem to anyone with any sense. I've had people ask me if I get tested - and I certainly don't bareback.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a worthy subject to discuss, but a bit of a passion killer if you don't time it well!

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By *exypair OP Couple
over a year ago

Medway

"If it's that important to you then risk losing the meet.

You could ask tactfully but idk how."

Would you not meet someone who asked you then?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If it's that important to you then risk losing the meet.

You could ask tactfully but idk how.

Would you not meet someone who asked you then?"

Nothing to do with what i'd do, i know some people have been blocked for asking before now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No I wouldn't be offended but I would think the reason they asked is cos they want bareback?

True but what if it's just because you want to stay safe and condoms always worn. "
Yes and that would be fine too, if they wanted to be extra safe about it, but yeah I recon just wearing a condom would be sufficient enough.

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By *exypair OP Couple
over a year ago

Medway

"If it's that important to you then risk losing the meet.

You could ask tactfully but idk how.

Would you not meet someone who asked you then?

Nothing to do with what i'd do, i know some people have been blocked for asking before now.

It's so wrong!!

There's nothing wrong with wanting to look after yourself and not wanting to catch anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not wrong but people lie.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't be offended, but I'm also not sure I'd necessarily trust the answer I was given either. I can't imagine many people saying that they don't...

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By *exypair OP Couple
over a year ago

Medway

"No I wouldn't be offended but I would think the reason they asked is cos they want bareback?

True but what if it's just because you want to stay safe and condoms always worn. Yes and that would be fine too, if they wanted to be extra safe about it, but yeah I recon just wearing a condom would be sufficient enough."

Do you know you can catch chlamydia through giving oral!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If it's that important to you then risk losing the meet.

You could ask tactfully but idk how.

Would you not meet someone who asked you then?

Nothing to do with what i'd do, i know some people have been blocked for asking before now.

It's so wrong!!

There's nothing wrong with wanting to look after yourself and not wanting to catch anything. "

Yeah some people get offended by that though, crazy. But my reply more meant if it's important to you to ask then that's more important and risk the meet anyway. Like don't change how you do things.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"No I wouldn't be offended but I would think the reason they asked is cos they want bareback?

Do you know you can catch chlamydia through giving oral!!!

You can catch lots of things from giving and receiving oral, sharing toys, fingers, oral between women.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No I wouldn't be offended but I would think the reason they asked is cos they want bareback?

Do you know you can catch chlamydia through giving oral!!!

"
Yes I do as well and catch all sorts, even by just skin to skin.

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

"No I wouldn't be offended but I would think the reason they asked is cos they want bareback?

True but what if it's just because you want to stay safe and condoms always worn. "

If you want to stay safe it's down to you to take the steps and precautions necessary to keep yourself safe. I wouldn't rely on the word of another for my protection so why even ask?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok so some people not understanding the difference between accuracy and utility. Yes it's possible to lie but 100% of people asked are not going to successfully lie. Most people who don't do it will probably block you which means it's an excellent filter.

It's the same principle as a polygraph test. Scientifically speaking, it's accuracy is bullshit but it has utility because it puts off many would-be liars. It also offends some people who aren't liars so you have to consider that too.

To summarise; if you ask then more people will block you than will lie to you. If they block you for asking then that's a big red flag in our book so we aren't upset when it happens. We ask. We've been blocked. We don't care. We continue to ask.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people spend their lives being offended by things. I don't wanna meet someone like that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No I wouldn't be offended but I would think the reason they asked is cos they want bareback?

True but what if it's just because you want to stay safe and condoms always worn.

If you want to stay safe it's down to you to take the steps and precautions necessary to keep yourself safe. I wouldn't rely on the word of another for my protection so why even ask?"

This! It's an utterly pointless question. If someone asked I'd think they were naïve.

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

The more people who ask, the more normal it will become

As a community we should be asking more, so we can all enjoy this hobby safely

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By *hiterabbit69Man
over a year ago

Romford

Hell, there should be a funky NHS GUM app that lists your tests and dates, it's 2015, we shouldn't be afraid to discuss testing and the like.

And by afraid I mean being afraid to offend.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hell, there should be a funky NHS GUM app that lists your tests and dates, it's 2015, we shouldn't be afraid to discuss testing and the like.

And by afraid I mean being afraid to offend."

Trouble with that idea is if in 2009 you had something that could put people off even if your clear now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hell, there should be a funky NHS GUM app that lists your tests and dates, it's 2015, we shouldn't be afraid to discuss testing and the like.

And by afraid I mean being afraid to offend.

Trouble with that idea is if in 2009 you had something that could put people off even if your clear now. "

Good. The sort of person that would be put off by the fact that you had regular screening and had something that had been picked up and treated isn't the sort of person I'd want to meet.

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By *ussexsocialMan
over a year ago

Billingshurst

wouldnt put us off it we were asked, but then we get checked regularly. Not sure why people would get offended by being asked .....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"wouldnt put us off it we were asked, but then we get checked regularly. Not sure why people would get offended by being asked ....."

Because they are naive and think condoms are magical. Why do you need testing if you use condoms?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not a question I would even ask because to be blunt I wouldn't trust the word of a stranger, people tend to tell you want they think you want to hear in order to get sex and all because somebody says they get tested regular that does not mean they do

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Anyway, in answer to the original question, no it isn't wrong. If that's something you like to ask it seems like a fair and relevant question.

It's true that condoms don't guarantee you won't catch anything but going to the clinic won't guarantee that either so the fact that a prospective partner goes doesn't mean they're disease free when they meet you. It does mean they will know if they have something and assuming that you go too so will you and that seems entirely sensible to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Npe id certainly not be offended - in this life style we all enjoy, we need to be both cautious and respectful of others - as a Bi man even more so and even though I am exceptionally careful, I still have regular check ups

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By *uietlyKinkyUsCouple
over a year ago

midlands

I'd be more concerned if they didn't ask when I last went to the clinic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It shouldn't be a problem to anyone with any sense. I've had people ask me if I get tested - and I certainly don't bareback. "

Precisely this! One of the things I like about the swinging world is that on the whole we seem to take our sexual health more seriously than the 'real world' does! X

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

It isn't a question I have ever asked because knowing human nature I am sure that I would be lied to, not by everyone but by some. Sure some will tell me the truth but how do I know which is which.

I am responsible for my own sexual health, know and accept any risks involved and take what precautions I can.

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By *ittenandthepirateCouple
over a year ago

Manchester

"Anyway, in answer to the original question, no it isn't wrong. If that's something you like to ask it seems like a fair and relevant question.

This is true. Considering as well that some things take up to 3 months to show, you would have to abstain for at least that long after every partner to be totally sure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

However what if the person does go regular like you ask but only because they already have a sti. If they only choose to tell you half the story you'd never know the truth.

Example I had to go to my local because I have a low immunity to hep b. I had to go every two week for jabs plus blood test.

Lastly a gum clinic test is only as good as a mot, it's only good for the day it's done.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It shouldn't be a problem to anyone with any sense. I've had people ask me if I get tested - and I certainly don't bareback.

Precisely this! One of the things I like about the swinging world is that on the whole we seem to take our sexual health more seriously than the 'real world' does! X"

Unfortunately I feel I have to disagree with your statement. There are an awful lot of people on this site (I would say majority) that have absolutely no idea about sexual health!

I have deduced this from reading lots of posts on the forums. Lots of incorrect information given to others. There seems to be far too many ignorant people on here or those who just bury their heads in the sand.

it's very sad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately I feel I have to disagree with your statement. There are an awful lot of people on this site (I would say majority) that have absolutely no idea about sexual health!

it's very sad"

We agree and I think they get more irresponsible and selfish the older they get. Also I reckon that if we asked Ten Men - that we somehow knew had barebacked someone from here - whether they had ever barebacked someone from here, 8 of them would lie and say no.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately I feel I have to disagree with your statement. There are an awful lot of people on this site (I would say majority) that have absolutely no idea about sexual health!

it's very sad

Strange you should say that!

I've found the older I get the more important it is for me too look after my health including my sexual health. When I was younger I was invincible but I've realised that I'm not! But I guess some people are old school and are embarrassed about going to the clinic!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately I feel I have to disagree with your statement. There are an awful lot of people on this site (I would say majority) that have absolutely no idea about sexual health!

it's very sad

Strange you should say that!

To be a bit crude about it, the most life effecting condition you risk getting is be HIV. Some older people, not all and I'm not even saying a lot, but some have the view that they've already had kids and if the worst came to it, HIV wouldn't actually kill them early due to the treatment we have. If you see the world that way, the risk you are taking gets lower as you get older.

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By *eonardoLoveMan
over a year ago

London

"No I wouldn't be offended but I would think the reason they asked is cos they want bareback?

Do you know you can catch chlamydia through giving oral!!!

Not with the condom on

there are other illnesses much more easy to transmit that they are harmless, but VERY boring...

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By *eonardoLoveMan
over a year ago

London

Unfortunately I feel I have to disagree with your statement. There are an awful lot of people on this site (I would say majority) that have absolutely no idea about sexual health!

it's very sad

Strange you should say that!

Do not forget Epathitis B. Anyway HIV will not kill you even if you are young if you do the right treatment beginning at early stage. So the bottom line is: DO THE TEST FREQUENTLY!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its okay to ask but unless you have checks in-between meets and have proof but then something's don't always show up so you would have to wait x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you've been chatting to a couple and get on and hope to meet up very soon would you be offended if they ask you if you get checked??

As far as I'm concerned this topic is not spoke about enough on here!!

There's nothing wrong with wanting to stay safe whilst having fun!! "

We wouldn't take offence at all if it was us. We go on a regular basis anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd be more concerned if they didn't ask when I last went to the clinic

Don't think I've ever been asked x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get checked regularly (takes 2 minutes) and I don't do bareback.

Always best to have that peace of mind.

I would be impressed not offended that someone was so concerned about his/my sexual health.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But they are only correct from the last time you had sex x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But they are only correct from the last time you had sex x"

Nope, You could have caught something when you last had sex but it won't show up in a test until after a certain lapse. At some point the HIV test had a lapse of 3 months but things might have improved since then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most things show up in 6 weeks. We go roughly every 6 weeks...

Have done for years although when I was doing lots of gg events I was going more often.

Make sure you ask for throat swabs as not all offer them now x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get regular checks but I have never ever been asked by those I swing with.

We all know there are risks with sex whether in the lifestyle or vanilla.

Self protection is the best protection .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But they are only correct from the last time you had sex x

That is what I was trying to say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you've been chatting to a couple and get on and hope to meet up very soon would you be offended if they ask you if you get checked??

As far as I'm concerned this topic is not spoke about enough on here!!

There's nothing wrong with wanting to stay safe whilst having fun!! "

Nothing wrong with that at all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But they are only correct from the last time you had sex x

The HIV test is much improved and quicker. You can even buy a HIV test kit from most chemists these days and they give a result in a few minutes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't be offended if someone asked me. However I think it's pointless and would never take the word of a stranger.

As everyone has said, even if you go regularly, the result is only valid for up to the time you had the test. You could walk out of the clinic, have bareback sex with a group of HIV+ heroin addicts and say truthfully they have recently been to the clinic and had tests.

People will lie, I don't agree with whoever it was on this thread who said they would just block you. If they were talking to someone and a meet seemed likely they would lie if you asked about recent clinic visits if they hadn't been.

My advice is always ensure condoms are used and changed. Go to the clinic for your own piece of mind not as a statement of proof to others. If if bothers you to the degree of worrying incessantly then don't swing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately I feel I have to disagree with your statement. There are an awful lot of people on this site (I would say majority) that have absolutely no idea about sexual health!

it's very sad

Strange you should say that!

Do not forget Epathitis B. Anyway HIV will not kill you even if you are young if you do the right treatment beginning at early stage. So the bottom line is: DO THE TEST FREQUENTLY!"

HIV won't kill anyone!! It can only kill you if it turns into AIDS!!

Kind of proves my point (on this thread and others about sti's) utter ignorance about sti's!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you've been chatting to a couple and get on and hope to meet up very soon would you be offended if they ask you if you get checked??

As far as I'm concerned this topic is not spoke about enough on here!!

There's nothing wrong with wanting to stay safe whilst having fun!! "

are they or you going to ask every one you meet ?

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