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Women backing off

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By *uniperjuice OP   Man
over a year ago

East Midlands

I've now had a number of occasions via this site where women have seemed really keen on meeting, but when it comes to finalising an arrangement, or after we've made an arrangement, backing out, going silent, hiding their profile or in one case no-show after I'd travelled.

Is this common experience, or something about me?

I suppose one possible interpretation is that I'm too good at getting them interested, and perhaps they agree in the heat of the moment, and later they think better of it!

P.S. This is a genuine question as I'm curious - not some kind of veiled accusation. I'm mentioning no names, and it would be a mistake to surmise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I suppose one possible interpretation is that I'm too good at getting them interested, and perhaps they agree in the heat of the moment, and later they think better of it"

Another interpretation would be that a man can pretend to be a woman online but is less likely to pull it off in person...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I suppose one possible interpretation is that I'm too good at getting them interested, and perhaps they agree in the heat of the moment, and later they think better of it

Another interpretation would be that a man can pretend to be a woman online but is less likely to pull it off in person... "

Pretty much this.

-Courtney

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

It happens to us with men occasionally too.I think people lose their nerve.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would just put it down to getting a better offer. If they have recent veri's they must meet.

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By *uessWhosBackAgainMan
over a year ago

London

It happens, don't worry too much about it and move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've now had a number of occasions via this site where women have seemed really keen on meeting, but when it comes to finalising an arrangement, or after we've made an arrangement, backing out, going silent, hiding their profile or in one case no-show after I'd travelled.

Is this common experience, or something about me?

I suppose one possible interpretation is that I'm too good at getting them interested, and perhaps they agree in the heat of the moment, and later they think better of it!

P.S. This is a genuine question as I'm curious - not some kind of veiled accusation. I'm mentioning no names, and it would be a mistake to surmise."
it happens especially with the more promiscuous women ,something better came along

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had been chatting with a lady for a while arranged to meet, chatted over coffee and she then said, she was married like the idea of extra fun but did not think she could go through with it. Which was all fine as thats why I always do a social meet first off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 09/11/15 00:01:29]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've now had a number of occasions via this site where women have seemed really keen on meeting, but when it comes to finalising an arrangement, or after we've made an arrangement, backing out, going silent, hiding their profile or in one case no-show after I'd travelled.

Is this common experience, or something about me?

I suppose one possible interpretation is that I'm too good at getting them interested, and perhaps they agree in the heat of the moment, and later they think better of it!

P.S. This is a genuine question as I'm curious - not some kind of veiled accusation. I'm mentioning no names, and it would be a mistake to surmise. it happens especially with the more promiscuous women ,something better came along "

how do you tell which are the 'more promiscuous'?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've now had a number of occasions via this site where women have seemed really keen on meeting, but when it comes to finalising an arrangement, or after we've made an arrangement, backing out, going silent, hiding their profile or in one case no-show after I'd travelled.

Is this common experience, or something about me?

I suppose one possible interpretation is that I'm too good at getting them interested, and perhaps they agree in the heat of the moment, and later they think better of it!

P.S. This is a genuine question as I'm curious - not some kind of veiled accusation. I'm mentioning no names, and it would be a mistake to surmise. it happens especially with the more promiscuous women ,something better came along

how do you tell which are the 'more promiscuous'?"

Well, if you have to ask...

-Courtney

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

I've had two women back out of a meet due to leaving the site for a vanilla relationship....

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What?

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By *ordonBennettMan
over a year ago

dover


"

I suppose one possible interpretation is that I'm too good at getting them interested, and perhaps they agree in the heat of the moment, and later they think better of it

Another interpretation would be that a man can pretend to be a woman online but is less likely to pull it off in person... "

This has just happened to me though I was suspicious from the start with the salacious crude username, and the silence after I suggested a phone call.

Lots of fakes on here, but they're easy to flush out...

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By *ittle Pocket PerveWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth


"it happens especially with the more promiscuous women ,something better came along "

Promiscuous? Really?

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I can't actually decide what a bloke has to gain by doing that. Am I missing something really obvious?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can't actually decide what a bloke has to gain by doing that. Am I missing something really obvious? "

Yes, they are jacking off when they are doing it. A man with an erection does not think for the long term!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I can't actually decide what a bloke has to gain by doing that. Am I missing something really obvious? "

I assume it's because they have bisexual fantasies or they get a kick out of leading people on or they are like those catfish people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've now had a number of occasions via this site where women have seemed really keen on meeting, but when it comes to finalising an arrangement, or after we've made an arrangement, backing out, going silent, hiding their profile or in one case no-show after I'd travelled.

Is this common experience, or something about me?

I suppose one possible interpretation is that I'm too good at getting them interested, and perhaps they agree in the heat of the moment, and later they think better of it!

P.S. This is a genuine question as I'm curious - not some kind of veiled accusation. I'm mentioning no names, and it would be a mistake to surmise."

hey the only reason I backed off was yer mum made it clear I wasn't good enough for ya,,sorry babes,n tbh,,I don't want kids,,it was fun,n boy can you go like a lil bunny,,but hey lets go our separate ways.

no hard feelings,,if you,ll pardon the pun,x

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By *entaur_UKMan
over a year ago

Cannock


"I can't actually decide what a bloke has to gain by doing that. Am I missing something really obvious?

I assume it's because they have bisexual fantasies or they get a kick out of leading people on or they are like those catfish people."

Catfish people are easy to identify, look out for the trout pout.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can't actually decide what a bloke has to gain by doing that. Am I missing something really obvious?

I assume it's because they have bisexual fantasies or they get a kick out of leading people on or they are like those catfish people.

Catfish people are easy to identify, look out for the trout pout. "

its the sneaky bi ,,sorry straight guys ya gotta worry bout

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By *ummersun99Woman
over a year ago

North Yorkshire by the Sea

Ive been into meeting someone, but then been out off by something theyve said or shared if its a turn off physically or socially. I'd say something though, if we'd got as far as planning a meet x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This happened to me recently ... chatted to a chap for ages... phone calls , messages, pics ... arranged a meet .. messaged him to confirm I was leaving home to meet him.. Yes ok he said ... meet u there in half an hour ... the bugger never turned up .. Sat waiting for an hour .. No message of apology or explanation.. totally frustrating ... so went shopping and bought a new pair of boots

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By *ummersun99Woman
over a year ago

North Yorkshire by the Sea

*put off

Silly typo, oops x

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes


"I can't actually decide what a bloke has to gain by doing that. Am I missing something really obvious? "

No you're not. I think it's a combination of 2 things.

1 men pretending to women is not as common as some seem like think.

2 women back out of meets because, especially for newbies, the reality of the meet is more frightening than their fantasy led them to believe.

I don't know if either of these is actually true, it's just what I think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can't actually decide what a bloke has to gain by doing that. Am I missing something really obvious?

No you're not. I think it's a combination of 2 things.

1 men pretending to women is not as common as some seem like think.

2 women back out of meets because, especially for newbies, the reality of the meet is more frightening than their fantasy led them to believe.

I don't know if either of these is actually true, it's just what I think."

jeepers is no1 really true

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By *ordonBennettMan
over a year ago

dover


"I can't actually decide what a bloke has to gain by doing that. Am I missing something really obvious?

No you're not. I think it's a combination of 2 things.

1 men pretending to women is not as common as some seem like think.

2 women back out of meets because, especially for newbies, the reality of the meet is more frightening than their fantasy led them to believe.

I don't know if either of these is actually true, it's just what I think."

I don't know if either of these things is actually, true either...especially point 1..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can't actually decide what a bloke has to gain by doing that. Am I missing something really obvious?

No you're not. I think it's a combination of 2 things.

1 men pretending to women is not as common as some seem like think.

2 women back out of meets because, especially for newbies, the reality of the meet is more frightening than their fantasy led them to believe.

I don't know if either of these is actually true, it's just what I think.

I don't know if either of these things is actually, true either...especially point 1.."

well I for one find point one,,just silly

although im convinced a lot of straight guys kid on their bi

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes


"I can't actually decide what a bloke has to gain by doing that. Am I missing something really obvious?

No you're not. I think it's a combination of 2 things.

1 men pretending to women is not as common as some seem like think.

2 women back out of meets because, especially for newbies, the reality of the meet is more frightening than their fantasy led them to believe.

I don't know if either of these is actually true, it's just what I think.

jeepers is no1 really true "

Ha. umm. I wasn't including TVs in the pretending category. Whether a TV/TG is pretending to be a woman or is a woman is for them to decide. I'm happy to agree with which ever they are happy to be described as.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can't actually decide what a bloke has to gain by doing that. Am I missing something really obvious?

No you're not. I think it's a combination of 2 things.

1 men pretending to women is not as common as some seem like think.

2 women back out of meets because, especially for newbies, the reality of the meet is more frightening than their fantasy led them to believe.

I don't know if either of these is actually true, it's just what I think.

jeepers is no1 really true

Ha. umm. I wasn't including TVs in the pretending category. Whether a TV/TG is pretending to be a woman or is a woman is for them to decide. I'm happy to agree with which ever they are happy to be described as."

its cool,,im being silly

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes


"I can't actually decide what a bloke has to gain by doing that. Am I missing something really obvious?

No you're not. I think it's a combination of 2 things.

1 men pretending to women is not as common as some seem like think.

2 women back out of meets because, especially for newbies, the reality of the meet is more frightening than their fantasy led them to believe.

I don't know if either of these is actually true, it's just what I think.

I don't know if either of these things is actually, true either...especially point 1.."

You may well be right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've now had a number of occasions via this site where women have seemed really keen on meeting, but when it comes to finalising an arrangement, or after we've made an arrangement, backing out, going silent, hiding their profile or in one case no-show after I'd travelled.

Is this common experience, or something about me?

I suppose one possible interpretation is that I'm too good at getting them interested, and perhaps they agree in the heat of the moment, and later they think better of it!

P.S. This is a genuine question as I'm curious - not some kind of veiled accusation. I'm mentioning no names, and it would be a mistake to surmise. it happens especially with the more promiscuous women ,something better came along

how do you tell which are the 'more promiscuous'?"
veris ,forums,meet posts or some just tell you,I made a date to meet a woman a couple of months back we swapped numbers chatted to her on the phone ,a couple of days before meeting noticed she had posted for a meet didn't think too much of it anyways got up early on day we were meeting cycled 4 miles to station and caught first train into central London ,thought I would look on fab saw she was online so said hi see you at whatever time ,she messaged back sorry can't make it today ,if I hadn't of messaged her would have done whole journey and she wouldn't have showed

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

I've not had any 'no shows' so far. I did have one who chatted to me for a while, we arranged a meet but she went UNLOS the day before. I don't know if she ever showed up because I didn't.

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By *ordonBennettMan
over a year ago

dover


"I've not had any 'no shows' so far. I did have one who chatted to me for a while, we arranged a meet but she went UNLOS the day before. I don't know if she ever showed up because I didn't."

Most likely yet another bloke...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I suppose one possible interpretation is that I'm too good at getting them interested, and perhaps they agree in the heat of the moment, and later they think better of it

Another interpretation would be that a man can pretend to be a woman online but is less likely to pull it off in person...

This has just happened to me though I was suspicious from the start with the salacious crude username, and the silence after I suggested a phone call.

Lots of fakes on here, but they're easy to flush out..."

I dont like phone calls I find them boring and awkward but this doesnt make me a fake. The mention of a phone call will probably result in me not replying, if im honest. Its worse when they say its ok you ring me on a with held number.. Like that makes it better?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've not had any 'no shows' so far. I did have one who chatted to me for a while, we arranged a meet but she went UNLOS the day before. I don't know if she ever showed up because I didn't."

I did,nt go unlos n I waited n waited n waited,,ffs,,mum n dad where so keen to meet you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've backed out of meets due to the guys doing or saying something to annoy/piss me off/creep me out in the days/hours leading up to them beforehand.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've not had any 'no shows' so far. I did have one who chatted to me for a while, we arranged a meet but she went UNLOS the day before. I don't know if she ever showed up because I didn't.

I did,nt go unlos n I waited n waited n waited,,ffs,,mum n dad where so keen to meet you"
hehe and he's such an ugly guit to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because many just wanna chat about the meet, but then when the time comes near they get cold feet and you wont hear anything from them anymore lol.

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By *uniperjuice OP   Man
over a year ago

East Midlands

Thanks for all discussion and comments.

I'm upset to have noticed since I wrote the OP that someone who I was chatting to very amicably (but not planning to arrange to meet) and who had hidden her profile is now no longer on the site. And it was - I think - a profile with a considerable emotional and time investment (and IIRC a money investment - site supporter). It seems sad, and I really hope our rapport wasn't the reason or part of the reason for her leaving, but I can't help worrying that - in some way - it might have been.

I think if people just have a change of circumstances or lifestyle balance or even an issue with stalkers, they might message or provide a status message to say they're planning to leave but assuring friends that they're okay.

Yes - some profiles are fakes, but I think these are quite easy to spot.

The person who commented in the thread suggesting I had had a liaison with them was telling porkies and having a laugh.

I think someone getting cold feet about meeting or engaging more deeply may explain one or two of the disappointments.

Overall though I'm not disappointed personally; just saddened occasionally that people feel they have to break away without explanation, and frustrated that it seems hard to more on from a good rapport (and even nice online fun) into real life meets.

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By *olarfoxMan
over a year ago

North Cambs


"I've now had a number of occasions via this site where women have seemed really keen on meeting, but when it comes to finalising an arrangement, or after we've made an arrangement, backing out, going silent, hiding their profile or in one case no-show after I'd travelled.

Is this common experience, or something about me?

I suppose one possible interpretation is that I'm too good at getting them interested, and perhaps they agree in the heat of the moment, and later they think better of it!

P.S. This is a genuine question as I'm curious - not some kind of veiled accusation. I'm mentioning no names, and it would be a mistake to surmise."

this can be just as common with men and couples also I believe

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By *uniperjuice OP   Man
over a year ago

East Midlands

Just occasionally people disappear and eventually reappear too, and it turns out it was real life events and nothing to do with me.

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By *olarfoxMan
over a year ago

North Cambs


"Just occasionally people disappear and eventually reappear too, and it turns out it was real life events and nothing to do with me.

"

That is certainly true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have had one no show,from a man, if we have any

doubts ,delete and block ,time wasters and dreamers are common on every site,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes while I'm talking to someone it becomes apparent there is no attraction. The conversation doesn't flow or keep me interested but doesn't seem to put men off as much as it does me. I do tell them I'm not interested if they ask to meet but some conversations fizzle out naturally.

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By *ordonBennettMan
over a year ago

dover


"Just occasionally people disappear and eventually reappear too, and it turns out it was real life events and nothing to do with me.

"

I've just recently experienced the same.

A lady I've met four times went offline and "dark" for a while but then sent me an email to reassure me that I hadn't caused her to vanish.

I'm glad to say that five months later, she is back...

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By *uniperjuice OP   Man
over a year ago

East Midlands


"Sometimes while I'm talking to someone it becomes apparent there is no attraction. The conversation doesn't flow or keep me interested but doesn't seem to put men off as much as it does me. I do tell them I'm not interested if they ask to meet but some conversations fizzle out naturally."

That's absolutely fine, and I for one can respect someone's choice or even change of heart, and will no pester. What's more difficult is when someone hides profile or removes it or cuts off a nice rapport suddenly and inexplicably. Maybe it is fear that I might pester; maybe it's nothing to do with me; maybe they have too many admirers and ongoing rapports to explain their reasons to them all. I'm mystified at times.

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By *uniperjuice OP   Man
over a year ago

East Midlands

P.S. In mentioning women in this context I'm not trying to stereotype nor to suggest men don't do this. It's just that I mainly interact with women on here so that's all I can comment on. (and I do know that the female experience of this site is often very different to the male experience)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Thanks for all discussion and comments.

I'm upset to have noticed since I wrote the OP that someone who I was chatting to very amicably (but not planning to arrange to meet) and who had hidden her profile is now no longer on the site. And it was - I think - a profile with a considerable emotional and time investment (and IIRC a money investment - site supporter). It seems sad, and I really hope our rapport wasn't the reason or part of the reason for her leaving, but I can't help worrying that - in some way - it might have been.

I think if people just have a change of circumstances or lifestyle balance or even an issue with stalkers, they might message or provide a status message to say they're planning to leave but assuring friends that they're okay.

Yes - some profiles are fakes, but I think these are quite easy to spot.

The person who commented in the thread suggesting I had had a liaison with them was telling porkies and having a laugh.

I think someone getting cold feet about meeting or engaging more deeply may explain one or two of the disappointments.

Overall though I'm not disappointed personally; just saddened occasionally that people feel they have to break away without explanation, and frustrated that it seems hard to more on from a good rapport (and even nice online fun) into real life meets."

You clearly take this very seriously and assume that others do too.....this isn't always the case many of us can pick it up and put it down very easily and lots of people don't make the connection between messages and a real person with feelings and emotions. It's a fact that the majority of people you communicate with are not your friends in any real sense of the word. It is possible to form lasting friendships from connections made here but it doesn't happen overnight.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've backed out of meets due to the guys doing or saying something to annoy/piss me off/creep me out in the days/hours leading up to them beforehand.

"

Same here. Although if I had a meet set up with day and time, I would message to cancel.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sometimes while I'm talking to someone it becomes apparent there is no attraction. The conversation doesn't flow or keep me interested but doesn't seem to put men off as much as it does me. I do tell them I'm not interested if they ask to meet but some conversations fizzle out naturally.

That's absolutely fine, and I for one can respect someone's choice or even change of heart, and will no pester. What's more difficult is when someone hides profile or removes it or cuts off a nice rapport suddenly and inexplicably. Maybe it is fear that I might pester; maybe it's nothing to do with me; maybe they have too many admirers and ongoing rapports to explain their reasons to them all. I'm mystified at times. "

You know you can still message someone even if they've hidden their profile?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always speak on phone prior toz leaving your house, you know they are genuine that way

I have met some lovely ladies on here, so not all fakes or backing out at the last second, just take your time and make sure your both comfortable in meeting first.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just picked up this topic - my response the OP is its pretty common sadly - no rhym or reasoning at times, its just how some people deal with things .

I used to have a fem FB and we had our own MF couples profile; we made it quiet clear as to our likes and dislikes / requirements - but still we got masses of un wanted mail form people who did not read profile - sadly I will admit it was sometimes easier to just block them if they didn't take no the first time

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By *uniperjuice OP   Man
over a year ago

East Midlands

Thanks again. I don't assume everyone or every conversation on here is on earnest, but I like to think I can spot at least the obvious fakes or fantasists or genuine but ephemeral interactions. Some conversations though do seem qualitatively different and involve genuine rapport.

Yes, I know how to message someone whose profile is hidden if they've messaged me in the past, using reply. Is that what was meant?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can't actually decide what a bloke has to gain by doing that. Am I missing something really obvious?

No you're not. I think it's a combination of 2 things.

1 men pretending to women is not as common as some seem like think.

2 women back out of meets because, especially for newbies, the reality of the meet is more frightening than their fantasy led them to believe.

I don't know if either of these is actually true, it's just what I think."

I've had loads of guys back out of meets at the last minute!

Either they've had a better offer as someone above suggested, they've lost their nerve, or they never intended to meet at all and we're just on an ego trip!

Whatever the reason - I rarely meet from the main site itself now! X

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