FabSwingers.com forum: It's up to the man

By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

Or is it?

I frequently 'argue' with a friend over whether it's up to the man to text/message or not.

I mean once you've met someone, not a first message or anything.

Say you've met someone, they said they want to meet again, and perhaps even arrange the next time. Then you don't hear from them. Or you do hear from them and then, before the day you're supposed to meet again, they go quiet.

If this happens to me I just figure they aren't interested anymore and forget them.

My friend, on the other hand, says I should message them.

What do men think?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's rare I message anyone first after I've met them. I leave it up to them if they want to see me again. I'm a bit unsociable when it comes to messaging anyone though,I don't talk to my family unless it's absolutely necessary.

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

Not just me then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I only realised I do this too...

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

Oh good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I only realised I do this too..."

I'd call you.

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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago

Catthorpe

Wow!! I've never, ever considered this, even before Mrs N, just assumed anyone contacted the other when they felt necessary and all would take care of itself. Explains some scenarios I suppose looking back.

#nevaevenknew

Him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really have never thought about this. Probably because everyone i meet we've been in very good communication prior to the meet and that tends to continue after the meet too.

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By *huramMan
over a year ago

London

For goodness sake if you want to contact someone then contact them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not talking about contact. I'll contact if I want to. I mean bringing up meeting, always left it to him. Or them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never want to message someone after a meet.

Silence is a bonus!

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"For goodness sake if you want to contact someone then contact them."

That's part of the issue for me, I don't want to contact someone who doesn't want to hear from me.

It's ok when a convo is going on, it's when it seems to stop

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By *huramMan
over a year ago

London

For goodness sake, if you want to meet someone then tell them you want to meet them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For goodness sake, if you want to meet someone then tell them you want to meet them."

You're so very insightful

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"For goodness sake, if you want to meet someone then tell them you want to meet them."

I think you're missing my point.

We've met, we've arranged another meet and he's gone quiet. He already knows I want to meet him.

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

So I think there is no point me making contact again. But my friend says I should.

I just wanted a male viewpoint on this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not just me then

My life is busy and I have a few regular partners who I never message either. It's just the way I am. If I don't hear from someone for a couple of months I delete their number. If it's someone I have been seeing a while I messages asking if they intend to see me again or shall I delete their number. I don't keep numbers just in case.

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By *huramMan
over a year ago

London

"For goodness sake, if you want to meet someone then tell them you want to meet them.

You're so very insightful"

What do you want?

As an adult, you ought to be way past this childish nonsense of sitting on your hands.

If you want to meet someone, for the first time or for a repeat performance.

Tell them.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

It would be good if a lady initiated contact. It makes one feel wanted at least.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tbh I'm bad at initiating contact is she doesn't it tends to get forgotten about and moved on from

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"For goodness sake, if you want to meet someone then tell them you want to meet them.

You're so very insightful

What do you want?

As an adult, you ought to be way past this childish nonsense of sitting on your hands.

If you want to meet someone, for the first time or for a repeat performance.

Tell them."

I've told him already how am I being childish?

Read what I'm writing, don't twist it and have a go

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For goodness sake, if you want to meet someone then tell them you want to meet them.

You're so very insightful

What do you want?

As an adult, you ought to be way past this childish nonsense of sitting on your hands.

If you want to meet someone, for the first time or for a repeat performance.

Tell them.

I've told him already how am I being childish?

Read what I'm writing, don't twist it and have a go

He's lecturing me

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Tbh I'm bad at initiating contact is she doesn't it tends to get forgotten about and moved on from"

Even if you've arranged a 2nd meet?

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"He's lecturing me

Oooops, he's still being rude though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For goodness sake, if you want to meet someone then tell them you want to meet them.

I think you're missing my point.

We've met, we've arranged another meet and he's gone quiet. He already knows I want to meet him."

But equally you've gone quiet from his perspective

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"He's lecturing me

Oooops, he's still being rude though."

Ah yeah. Always one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tbh I'm bad at initiating contact is she doesn't it tends to get forgotten about and moved on from

Even if you've arranged a 2nd meet?"

If they stop messaging me I'd asume they'd lost interest yeah.

Just like you're thinking now

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"But equally you've gone quiet from his perspective"

That's what my friend says, so she could be right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For goodness sake, if you want to meet someone then tell them you want to meet them.

You're so very insightful

What do you want?

As an adult, you ought to be way past this childish nonsense of sitting on your hands.

If you want to meet someone, for the first time or for a repeat performance.

Tell them."

It's not childish,it's not wanting to seem needy,to me. I don't want to feel like a pest,and from previous experience I have come to realise that men don't like a woman to constantly message. They get called Bunny Boilers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For goodness sake, if you want to meet someone then tell them you want to meet them.

I think you're missing my point.

We've met, we've arranged another meet and he's gone quiet. He already knows I want to meet him."

Sorry, not a males point of view: but if that happened to me! I would take it as not interested, and wouldn't message further

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By *huramMan
over a year ago

London

"He's lecturing me

Oooops, he's still being rude though.

Ah yeah. Always one"

Rude? No.

Straight to the point? Yes.

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"It's not childish,it's not wanting to seem needy,to me. I don't want to feel like a pest,and from previous experience I have come to realise that men don't like a woman to constantly message. They get called Bunny Boilers. "

Exactly

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"He's lecturing me

Oooops, he's still being rude though.

Ah yeah. Always one

Rude? No.

Straight to the point? Yes."

Rudeness, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP. I'm the same. If they blow cold. Their loss.

If you have already met and made arrangements for a second meet but he goes quiet. I will text once, ask if meets still on, if nothing back then just move on!

Hope all goes well

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By *tillup4funMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I wait for the lady or couple to contact me don't want to be a pest

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By *huramMan
over a year ago

London

Exactly "

And if the man messages, he could be seen as desperate, needy, too eager etc.

Best thing for no one to send a message then.

Everyone wins.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Contact him CASUALLY.

On here, maybe?

Don't mention meeting or be remotely pushy.

See how the conversation pans out. If he resolutely doesn't mention meeting again, or doesn't reply, you'll have your answer.

Xxxxx

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By *eonardoLoveMan
over a year ago

London

"I never want to message someone after a meet.

Silence is a bonus!

Have fun with your silence

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By *ordsandstuffMan
over a year ago

Highbury

Thankyou OP for raising the issue.

I think sometimes silence from a friend says absolutely everything and whilst it would be so much nicer if they wrote and said that they have changed their mind that's not the easiest note to write and so they go silent.

Not knowing what on earth happened is horrible though and I have written a note that says something like 'please just tell me if you don't want to see me if you don't that's fine I'd just like to know'. Good Luck!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For goodness sake, if you want to meet someone then tell them you want to meet them.

I think you're missing my point.

We've met, we've arranged another meet and he's gone quiet. He already knows I want to meet him."

Maybe he's thinking, great a second meet. i will leave the lovely lady to all the hundreds of messages she gets and look forward to we meet again xx

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By *eonardoLoveMan
over a year ago

London

Exactly

And if the man messages, he could be seen as desperate, needy, too eager etc.

Best thing for no one to send a message then.

Everyone wins."

Ahahah I agree

I hope they realize it does not make any sense

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Exactly

And if the man messages, he could be seen as desperate, needy, too eager etc.

Best thing for no one to send a message then.

Everyone wins."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The odd premise her is

man doesn't make contact again =he's lost interest and doesn't want to meet

Woman doesn't make contact again = she's simply waiting for the man to make contact again and is still interested.

But from his perspective it's simply she's stope contacting him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anyway OP hope things work out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Exactly

And if the man messages, he could be seen as desperate, needy, too eager etc.

Best thing for no one to send a message then.

Everyone wins."

I see your point but bunny boilers are generally women.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wait for them if I make the first move I feel like a stalker x

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By *huramMan
over a year ago

London

By the way, there is a monumentally huge difference between sending one message to a guy which says,

"Hey are you free in the next few weeks?"

Compared to texting a guy repeatedly everyday and not getting a single reply.

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"The odd premise her is

man doesn't make contact again =he's lost interest and doesn't want to meet

Woman doesn't make contact again = she's simply waiting for the man to make contact again and is still interested.

But from his perspective it's simply she's stope contacting him

Ok so he might be expecting a message?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I never want to message someone after a meet.

Silence is a bonus!

Have fun with your silence

I do. It's usually more fun than the meet....

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Contact him CASUALLY.

On here, maybe?

Don't mention meeting or be remotely pushy.

See how the conversation pans out. If he resolutely doesn't mention meeting again, or doesn't reply, you'll have your answer.

Xxxxx"

This was my plan.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"By the way, there is a monumentally huge difference between sending one message to a guy which says,

"Hey are you free in the next few weeks?"

Compared to texting a guy repeatedly everyday and not getting a single reply."

Yes. I think we know the difference there

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I will admit, I am terrible for this as well, as I do not want to intrude in someone else's life.

But then women are often called bunny boilers for whatever reason, so maybe this has something to do with it also. So yes I can do NSA I will just never have anyone thinking or calling me a bunny boiler, so to some part I may come across cold.

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Anyway OP hope things work out

They always do on Fab

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I totally get where the OP is coming from. I'm a chatty person on text and will usually reply to any message.

If I sent the last message one night and didn't get a reply I would seriously think twice about initiating contact again the next day for instance as I'm not interested in being branded needy or a pest

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By *eonardoLoveMan
over a year ago

London

"I never want to message someone after a meet.

Silence is a bonus!

Have fun with your silence

I do. It's usually more fun than the meet...."

I bet on it. I do not imagine who you meet...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Send a message and ask him straight out. You have nothing to loose and then at least you will know. Im with your freind. Good luck xx

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

So far it does seem that us women who get NSA are scared of the 'bunny boiler' tag

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I totally get where the OP is coming from. I'm a chatty person on text and will usually reply to any message.

This is me!

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Send a message and ask him straight out. You have nothing to loose and then at least you will know. Im with your freind. Good luck xx"

Done

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By *huramMan
over a year ago

London

"Send a message and ask him straight out. You have nothing to loose and then at least you will know. Im with your freind. Good luck xx"

Hallelujah. Common sense.

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

The post isn't just about one guy, in general I don't text unless I get one.

Wanted to know if guys think that's the right thing for a woman to do?

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"So far it does seem that us women who get NSA are scared of the 'bunny boiler' tag

But it is an easy label to apply to every female! I will just not subject myself to having that label applied to me!

So MEN, maybe YOU need to change YOUR way of thinking and MAYBE women will change their way of thinking

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"So far it does seem that us women who get NSA are scared of the 'bunny boiler' tag

But it is an easy label to apply to every female! I will just not subject myself to having that label applied to me!

So MEN, maybe YOU need to change YOUR way of thinking and MAYBE women will change their way of thinking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Send a message and ask him straight out. You have nothing to loose and then at least you will know. Im with your freind. Good luck xx

Done "

Good. Xx

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By *huramMan
over a year ago

London

"So far it does seem that us women who get NSA are scared of the 'bunny boiler' tag

But it is an easy label to apply to every female! I will just not subject myself to having that label applied to me!

So MEN, maybe YOU need to change YOUR way of thinking and MAYBE women will change their way of thinking

Is there anything on God's green Earth that men don't get blamed and attacked for?

If you text a man once, he isn't going to call you a bunny boiler.

If he does, then he is a cunt not worth bothering with.

But if you text a man over and over again, not getting a reply.

He'll probably have a negative view of it.

Exactly the same applies with men texting women.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I never want to message someone after a meet.

Silence is a bonus!

Have fun with your silence

I do. It's usually more fun than the meet....

I bet on it. I do not imagine who you meet...

No, do not imagine.

Who I meet is a subject that need never concern you.

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"So far it does seem that us women who get NSA are scared of the 'bunny boiler' tag

But it is an easy label to apply to every female! I will just not subject myself to having that label applied to me!

So MEN, maybe YOU need to change YOUR way of thinking and MAYBE women will change their way of thinking

Plus after being here for over 6 years, the amount of bunny boiler men I have had over the years is bloody scary!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Text him. Keep it friendly and light-hearted.

You'll know where you stand. Anything's better than not knowing.

xxxx

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By *ordsandstuffMan
over a year ago

Highbury

[Removed by poster at 05/11/15 20:57:07]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't believe how much analysis goes into this. I never realised people thought so much about messaging people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Plus after being here for over 6 years, the amount of bunny boiler men I have had over the years is bloody scary!

Amen!

The reason I don't ever get in touch is because I'm PLAGUED by boilers and their ilk!

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

I didn't analyse it, I just do what I do. Then my friend said I am wrong to wait for a message.

So I thought I'd ask....

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By *ordsandstuffMan
over a year ago

Highbury

"The post isn't just about one guy, in general I don't text unless I get one.

Wanted to know if guys think that's the right thing for a woman to do?"

I think that one of the big reasons for being here is that we can all be ourselves. Part of that is that we can all, subject to the usual filters, write to someone and see if we have anything in common.

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"So far it does seem that us women who get NSA are scared of the 'bunny boiler' tag

But it is an easy label to apply to every female! I will just not subject myself to having that label applied to me!

So MEN, maybe YOU need to change YOUR way of thinking and MAYBE women will change their way of thinking

Is there anything on God's green Earth that men don't get blamed and attacked for?

If you text a man once, he isn't going to call you a bunny boiler.

If he does, then he is a cunt not worth bothering with.

But if you text a man over and over again, not getting a reply.

He'll probably have a negative view of it.

Exactly the same applies with men texting women. "

MEN are still the one's that label people, they still have their boys club, they still like to think of women as being the weaker sex, once their thinking changes maybe mine will as well.

Until that happens I will not change my opinion unless shown to me in a positive manner including same pay!

So the longer men use the bunny boiler quote, we will never be equal!

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By *kin BohnerMan
over a year ago

derby

"Or is it?

I frequently 'argue' with a friend over whether it's up to the man to text/message or not.

I mean once you've met someone, not a first message or anything.

If this happens to me I just figure they aren't interested anymore and forget them.

My friend, on the other hand, says I should message them.

What do men think?"

Its the 21st century, text him.

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Part of that is that we can all, subject to the usual filters, write to someone and see if we have anything in common."

I agree and I do message guys on here first sometimes. It's just any stop in communication makes me think I should stop too.

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"I can't believe how much analysis goes into this. I never realised people thought so much about messaging people

But Scarlet you are married! If you were single you would know where we are coming from.

I meet someone who is married and have been meeting them for over 3 years and we both know what is what and yes I have met his wife, the differences are huge, trust me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I didn't analyse it, I just do what I do. Then my friend said I am wrong to wait for a message.

So I thought I'd ask...."

But i don't understand the waiting thing. If i want to meet someone I'll message them if i don't hear from them. I don't assume they will contact me.

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Its the 21st century, text him."

I have done

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"IBut i don't understand the waiting thing. If i want to meet someone I'll message them if i don't hear from them. I don't assume they will contact me."

I don't mean wait, I mean if they don't message I forget them. I don't try to make contact.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can't believe how much analysis goes into this. I never realised people thought so much about messaging people

But Scarlet you are married! If you were single you would know where we are coming from.

I meet someone who is married and have been meeting them for over 3 years and we both know what is what and yes I have met his wife, the differences are huge, trust me! "

I'm not sure what difference it makes that I'm married?

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By *huramMan
over a year ago

London

"So far it does seem that us women who get NSA are scared of the 'bunny boiler' tag

But it is an easy label to apply to every female! I will just not subject myself to having that label applied to me!

So MEN, maybe YOU need to change YOUR way of thinking and MAYBE women will change their way of thinking

Is there anything on God's green Earth that men don't get blamed and attacked for?

If you text a man once, he isn't going to call you a bunny boiler.

If he does, then he is a cunt not worth bothering with.

But if you text a man over and over again, not getting a reply.

He'll probably have a negative view of it.

Exactly the same applies with men texting women.

MEN are still the one's that label people, they still have their boys club, they still like to think of women as being the weaker sex, once their thinking changes maybe mine will as well.

Until that happens I will not change my opinion unless shown to me in a positive manner including same pay!

So the longer men use the bunny boiler quote, we will never be equal!"

No you're absolutely right.

Only men label women.

Women never label other women and women never label men.

No man has ever been called stalker, desperate, needy, loser etc by a woman.

We should all sit on our hands and never message each other.

That truly would be equality.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For goodness sake if you want to contact someone then contact them.

That's part of the issue for me, I don't want to contact someone who doesn't want to hear from me.

It's ok when a convo is going on, it's when it seems to stop"

After the honeymoon period you mean. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"IBut i don't understand the waiting thing. If i want to meet someone I'll message them if i don't hear from them. I don't assume they will contact me.

I don't mean wait, I mean if they don't message I forget them. I don't try to make contact."

Obviously i view things completely differently. I don't like missing out on stuff so if i want something I'll do something about it. Clearly different perspectives.

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By *ordsandstuffMan
over a year ago

Highbury

"I didn't analyse it, I just do what I do. Then my friend said I am wrong to wait for a message.

So I thought I'd ask....

But i don't understand the waiting thing. If i want to meet someone I'll message them if i don't hear from them. I don't assume they will contact me."

Finding a balance between showing enthusiasm or being too forward and being needy or even a pest is not always easy hence many, including me, sometimes agonise!

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

So going forward I should be more proactive like my friend tells me.

And she proves to be right of course

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I didn't analyse it, I just do what I do. Then my friend said I am wrong to wait for a message.

So I thought I'd ask....

But i don't understand the waiting thing. If i want to meet someone I'll message them if i don't hear from them. I don't assume they will contact me.

Finding a balance between showing enthusiasm or being too forward and being needy or even a pest is not always easy hence many, including me, sometimes agonise!"

One message isn't pestering or being needy i wouldn't have thought though?

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"I can't believe how much analysis goes into this. I never realised people thought so much about messaging people

But Scarlet you are married! If you were single you would know where we are coming from.

I meet someone who is married and have been meeting them for over 3 years and we both know what is what and yes I have met his wife, the differences are huge, trust me!

I'm not sure what difference it makes that I'm married?"

Ok maybe my thinking is screwed but the married guy I meet, from the offset I KNEW he was completely off limits from it being anything more than a sex meet? Where as being single some people think there could/should be more? I hope that makes more sense?

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"No you're absolutely right.

Only men label women.

Women never label other women and women never label men.

No man has ever been called stalker, desperate, needy, loser etc by a woman.

We should all sit on our hands and never message each other.

That truly would be equality. "

I saw someone off here for 18 months and he always said "bitches be crazy", from The Big Bang Theory apparently,

I always replied with "all men are bastards"

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"So far it does seem that us women who get NSA are scared of the 'bunny boiler' tag

But it is an easy label to apply to every female! I will just not subject myself to having that label applied to me!

So MEN, maybe YOU need to change YOUR way of thinking and MAYBE women will change their way of thinking

Is there anything on God's green Earth that men don't get blamed and attacked for?

If you text a man once, he isn't going to call you a bunny boiler.

If he does, then he is a cunt not worth bothering with.

But if you text a man over and over again, not getting a reply.

He'll probably have a negative view of it.

Exactly the same applies with men texting women.

MEN are still the one's that label people, they still have their boys club, they still like to think of women as being the weaker sex, once their thinking changes maybe mine will as well.

Until that happens I will not change my opinion unless shown to me in a positive manner including same pay!

So the longer men use the bunny boiler quote, we will never be equal!

No you're absolutely right.

Only men label women.

Women never label other women and women never label men.

No man has ever been called stalker, desperate, needy, loser etc by a woman.

We should all sit on our hands and never message each other.

That truly would be equality. "

No, You know exactly what I meant!

If you want to start a different thread about the differences, then go ahead!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Or is it?

I frequently 'argue' with a friend over whether it's up to the man to text/message or not.

I mean once you've met someone, not a first message or anything.

If this happens to me I just figure they aren't interested anymore and forget them.

My friend, on the other hand, says I should message them.

What do men think?"
if you like someone and you like them why should you not message them first ,I love it when I get messaged by my friends ,it's not common though having said that xx

hugs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can't believe how much analysis goes into this. I never realised people thought so much about messaging people

But Scarlet you are married! If you were single you would know where we are coming from.

I meet someone who is married and have been meeting them for over 3 years and we both know what is what and yes I have met his wife, the differences are huge, trust me!

I'm not sure what difference it makes that I'm married?

But isn't that something that you would discuss before meeting? I know i do. I let them know that if i get so much of a sniff that they want more than sex then i won't meet them....we all know where we stand and no one is scared to message the other. It just makes sense to me to do things like that.

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"if you like someone and you like them why should you not message them first ,I love it when I get messaged by my friends ,it's not common though having said that xx

hugs

I do message first, I'm talking about after you've met

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By *egasus NobMan
over a year ago

Wandsworth

This is how I usually get in trouble with women...sigh

Just message if you need to rather that wait for the guy to always initiate it, half the time if I don't message back I get i thought you were not interested yet they've been expecting contact.

Logic lol

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By *ome Social With UsCouple (FF)
over a year ago

East Midlands

"For goodness sake if you want to contact someone then contact them."

Exactly, this is what I've been telling _inky-minx for months

Why on earth do women in this day and age assume an outdated notion that it's up to man tosh ie interest, why is is not upto the woman to show interest

And _inky-minx, was I not right

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"This is how I usually get in trouble with women...sigh

Just message if you need to rather that wait for the guy to always initiate it, half the time if I don't message back I get i thought you were not interested yet they've been expecting contact.

Logic lol

Thank you

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"For goodness sake if you want to contact someone then contact them.

Exactly, this is what I've been telling _inky-minx for months

Why on earth do women in this day and age assume an outdated notion that it's up to man tosh ie interest, why is is not upto the woman to show interest

And _inky-minx, was I not right

YES

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By *ome Social With UsCouple (FF)
over a year ago

East Midlands

"For goodness sake, if you want to meet someone then tell them you want to meet them.

I think you're missing my point.

We've met, we've arranged another meet and he's gone quiet. He already knows I want to meet him."

There's no point, if you are interested make contact, if he's interested he will reply

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men are generally notoriously bad at communicating. It's not really our thing.

If he hasn't contacted you, that doesn't mean that he's not interested. It probably just hasn't crossed his mind. After all, he may feel that things are all arranged and doesn't see the point.

If you want to know then you should make contact with him, if then he doesn't answer, then maybe he doesn't want to know.

But then, there could be all sorts of reasons as to why he didn't get the message.

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By *ome Social With UsCouple (FF)
over a year ago

East Midlands

"He's lecturing me

Oooops, he's still being rude though."

He's not being rude he's staying the obvious, if you like you contact if you don't then don't.

We don't live in Victorian times, it's not all on the man to make the first move.

If I fancy a guy I message. If he replies we chat, after few messages exchange number, and meet within a few days.

If I want to meet/fuck whatever again I message him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a bit unsociable when it comes to messaging anyone though,I don't talk to my family unless it's absolutely necessary. "

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By *ome Social With UsCouple (FF)
over a year ago

East Midlands

"For goodness sake, if you want to meet someone then tell them you want to meet them.

I think you're missing my point.

We've met, we've arranged another meet and he's gone quiet. He already knows I want to meet him.

But equally you've gone quiet from his perspective"

Exactly what I said too

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Men are generally notoriously bad at communicating. It's not really our thing.

If he hasn't contacted you, that doesn't mean that he's not interested. It probably just hasn't crossed his mind. After all, he may feel that things are all arranged and doesn't see the point.

If you want to know then you should make contact with him, if then he doesn't answer, then maybe he doesn't want to know.

But then, there could be all sorts of reasons as to why he didn't get the message."

Yes

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"But equally you've gone quiet from his perspective

Exactly what I said too"

Yep she did

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Or is it?

I frequently 'argue' with a friend over whether it's up to the man to text/message or not.

I mean once you've met someone, not a first message or anything.

If this happens to me I just figure they aren't interested anymore and forget them.

My friend, on the other hand, says I should message them.

What do men think?"

lol,,,get a grip,,,go for it,,your not daft,,go with yer gut.

oh n good luck,x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"if you like someone and you like them why should you not message them first ,I love it when I get messaged by my friends ,it's not common though having said that xx

hugs

I do message first, I'm talking about after you've met"
it's the same after surely ,you're friends yes so just message whenever x

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"lol,,,get a grip,,,go for it,,your not daft,,go with yer gut.

oh n good luck,x"

My gut always tells me not to bother

But I'll do as D says from now on

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"it's the same after surely ,you're friends yes so just message whenever x

In theory but not always friends after 2 meets

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"I can't believe how much analysis goes into this. I never realised people thought so much about messaging people

But Scarlet you are married! If you were single you would know where we are coming from.

I meet someone who is married and have been meeting them for over 3 years and we both know what is what and yes I have met his wife, the differences are huge, trust me!

I'm not sure what difference it makes that I'm married?

I get where you are coming from, But I suppose us singles don't think like that? Maybe I am one of the few that thinks 'we never know what is round the corner?' but married is being upfront? And therefore know upfront anything is off limits? So know in advance hence why you have never experienced it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It does make me laugh when I message a lady who I have met before and she says," Oh I thought you had forgot about me " I think ",Well you are,allowed to message me yer know "

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By *ome Social With UsCouple (FF)
over a year ago

East Midlands

"it's the same after surely ,you're friends yes so just message whenever x

In theory but not always friends after 2 meets"

Think once coc goes in can safely say you beyond friend stage lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Generally, I don't like to make a pest of myself of appear desperate. I will text her to thank her for a lovely night or something, but then I'll leave it to her to see if she'd like a repeat.

I will always be the gent and put the lady first.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can't believe how much analysis goes into this. I never realised people thought so much about messaging people

But Scarlet you are married! If you were single you would know where we are coming from.

I meet someone who is married and have been meeting them for over 3 years and we both know what is what and yes I have met his wife, the differences are huge, trust me!

I'm not sure what difference it makes that I'm married?

Bloody hell. I couldn't meet a single as a single. Far too bloody complicated. I think I'd stick to dating

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"lol,,,get a grip,,,go for it,,your not daft,,go with yer gut.

oh n good luck,x

My gut always tells me not to bother

But I'll do as D says from now on

good luck whatever

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"It does make me laugh when I message a lady who I have met before and she says," Oh I thought you had forgot about me " I think ",Well you are,allowed to message me yer know ""

I did

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"it's the same after surely ,you're friends yes so just message whenever x

In theory but not always friends after 2 meets"
are we talking a particular person or in general ? X

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"good luck whatever

Thank you

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"it's the same after surely ,you're friends yes so just message whenever x

In theory but not always friends after 2 meets are we talking a particular person or in general ? X

I've been talking in general

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

Although I do now know I still have an exciting day ahead tomorrow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can't believe how much analysis goes into this. I never realised people thought so much about messaging people

But Scarlet you are married! If you were single you would know where we are coming from.

I meet someone who is married and have been meeting them for over 3 years and we both know what is what and yes I have met his wife, the differences are huge, trust me!

I'm not sure what difference it makes that I'm married?

Bloody hell. I couldn't meet a single as a single. Far too bloody complicated. I think I'd stick to dating

"
it's not complicated at all we are all just people ok we under estimate sometimes how much a person likes us but communication is always good for me ,I would rather have it than not x

hugs

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"I can't believe how much analysis goes into this. I never realised people thought so much about messaging people

But Scarlet you are married! If you were single you would know where we are coming from.

I meet someone who is married and have been meeting them for over 3 years and we both know what is what and yes I have met his wife, the differences are huge, trust me!

I'm not sure what difference it makes that I'm married?

Bloody hell. I couldn't meet a single as a single. Far too bloody complicated. I think I'd stick to dating

It is! I've had my fair share of male bunny boilers! But I'm happy on my own and not looking to date!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow! Can't believe how this thread turned out

For those in need to know, many places (community centres/schools) are holding positive thinking courses- turn that negative thought to a positive one!

Now referring to the ACTUAL question, if I had planned to meet with someone and hadn't heard from them, but now it was the day before, I would casually message them and ask if they were still meeting tomorrow and then await their reply.

I wouldn't expect the man to message me, because it was what I was expecting, as he may be thinking the same too.

A harmless text, just to confirm, doesn't hurt. Glad you sent one

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Wow! Can't believe how this thread turned out

For those in need to know, many places (community centres/schools) are holding positive thinking courses- turn that negative thought to a positive one!

I wouldn't expect the man to message me, because it was what I was expecting, as he may be thinking the same too.

A harmless text, just to confirm, doesn't hurt. Glad you sent one

Thanks Kimi

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For goodness sake, if you want to meet someone then tell them you want to meet them."

I haven't read the whole thread....but this about sums it up for me. I don't think about who contacts who. I just do it when it feels right, as I assume the other person does...

And this goes for before I was married to Marc as well

-Courtney

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By *ome Social With UsCouple (FF)
over a year ago

East Midlands

"it's the same after surely ,you're friends yes so just message whenever x

In theory but not always friends after 2 meets are we talking a particular person or in general ? X

I've been talking in general"

Fibber you beenn talking about tomorrows man

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"I've been talking in general

Fibber you beenn talking about tomorrows man

Not only him, wanted to find out what men think as you know I always never message them

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By *ome Social With UsCouple (FF)
over a year ago

East Midlands

"Send a message and ask him straight out. You have nothing to loose and then at least you will know. Im with your freind. Good luck xx

Hallelujah. Common sense. "

Im the friend of kinky-Minx, that agrees with your poib=nts, Ive been telling her for months

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

She has

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By *ome Social With UsCouple (FF)
over a year ago

East Midlands

I am allso single, so not getting the but your married so see it different points that were being made.

we are on here for NSA be it as a single or couple etc.

If you want to meet someone message, why wait for other person, I'm single, I never wait on a guy messaging, I'm too impatient, If I wanna meet him, I tell him, If he wants to be he'll fire back a reply.

He knows I ain't after walking down the aisle with him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's precisely the problems us men have with you women

The answer is simple what works for one man does not work for another

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But equally you've gone quiet from his perspective

That's what my friend says, so she could be right

How do you know his lack of contact is because he isn't interested? It could be something else.

I missed out on a relationship once. We saw each other in the street and both said the same thing.

"I didn't here from you so I assumed you weren't interested any more"

Never again. Lifes too short.

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"But equally you've gone quiet from his perspective

That's what my friend says, so she could be right

How do you know his lack of contact is because he isn't interested? It could be something else.

I missed out on a relationship once. We saw each other in the street and both said the same thing.

"I didn't here from you so I assumed you weren't interested any more"

Never again. Lifes too short."

That's sad

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By *ome Social With UsCouple (FF)
over a year ago

East Midlands

"But equally you've gone quiet from his perspective

That's what my friend says, so she could be right

How do you know his lack of contact is because he isn't interested? It could be something else.

I missed out on a relationship once. We saw each other in the street and both said the same thing.

"I didn't here from you so I assumed you weren't interested any more"

Never again. Lifes too short."

That my dear Kinky-Minx, proves my point

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

It does

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never ever send the first text or message. Not because I'm not interested or playing hard to get. It just doesn't enter my brain...I think it's because I want men to have sex with, not need men to have sex with. Hope this makes sense..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It does

You message him asking him for a relationship your makin a mistake

Just say hey I fancy bowling at the weekend do you fancy tagging along

Or any other activity don't suggest sex or he will come just as its easier than a wank

The problem is playing hard to get doesn't work with those that are hard to get and you need to work out if he doesn't need to chase you or he doesn't like you and will fuck you for the hell of it

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By *ome Social With UsCouple (FF)
over a year ago

East Midlands

"It does

You message him asking him for a relationship your makin a mistake

Just say hey I fancy bowling at the weekend do you fancy tagging along

Or any other activity don't suggest sex or he will come just as its easier than a wank

The problem is playing hard to get doesn't work with those that are hard to get and you need to work out if he doesn't need to chase you or he doesn't like you and will fuck you for the hell of it

she doesnt want a relationship, but the guys point was she thought no interest cause he didnt text, he thought no interest cause she didnt text, thats the point made, and thats point of whole thread, that and fact that some think its solely up to the man to message, when no it isnt at all

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

Yes it's nothing about relationships or bowling

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It does

You message him asking him for a relationship your makin a mistake

Just say hey I fancy bowling at the weekend do you fancy tagging along

Or any other activity don't suggest sex or he will come just as its easier than a wank

The problem is playing hard to get doesn't work with those that are hard to get and you need to work out if he doesn't need to chase you or he doesn't like you and will fuck you for the hell of it

Then the answer is pretty simple neither of them were that into the other to make a move

Quite simply they both didn't think the other was worth a 5 second text

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By *ome Social With UsCouple (FF)
over a year ago

East Midlands

"It does

You message him asking him for a relationship your makin a mistake

Just say hey I fancy bowling at the weekend do you fancy tagging along

Or any other activity don't suggest sex or he will come just as its easier than a wank

The problem is playing hard to get doesn't work with those that are hard to get and you need to work out if he doesn't need to chase you or he doesn't like you and will fuck you for the hell of it

Then the answer is pretty simple neither of them were that into the other to make a move

Quite simply they both didn't think the other was worth a 5 second text "

Really, well according to others , i.e, kinky, she didnt message cause she thought he wasnt interested, so not case at all that someone not interested

and in fact when she did get off her "im not texting" and did text, he fired back a reply, so again shows interest is there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I never ever send the first text or message. Not because I'm not interested or playing hard to get. It just doesn't enter my brain...I think it's because I want men to have sex with, not need men to have sex with. Hope this makes sense.."

Really? Sending a message to a guy does not mean that you need a man to have sex with. If that makes sense?

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Quite simply they both didn't think the other was worth a 5 second text "

You've missed the point of my post completely.

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By *eanontiWoman
over a year ago

Limerick

"Not just me then

No definitely not just you

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By *ome Social With UsCouple (FF)
over a year ago

East Midlands

Really? Sending a message to a guy does not mean that you need a man to have sex with. If that makes sense?

surely on this site, sending messages to a man tells him you want him not need him

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

I'm fine with sending messages to guys, that's not a problem at all.

It's just if one goes quiet after meeting then I let it slide, I don't message and hassle them.

Though it transpires that sending a quick message is the ok thing to do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's precisely the problems us men have with you women

The answer is simple what works for one man does not work for another

Why is that a problem? You want every woman to be the same for an easy life? The same applies to men,which is why I like this site.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Quite simply they both didn't think the other was worth a 5 second text

You've missed the point of my post completely."

I get what your saying but you don't get men

A man will come just for a fuck as the tv is Crap if you message them for a fuck or will run a mile

But message for bowling And they will come if they have respect for you and actially like you and are too shy to ask

Men like to take women it's a chase it makes us feel manly if we have to try a bit

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By *ome Social With UsCouple (FF)
over a year ago

East Midlands

"I'm fine with sending messages to guys, that's not a problem at all.

It's just if one goes quiet after meeting then I let it slide, I don't message and hassle them.

Though it transpires that sending a quick message is the ok thing to do

ah, but only recently have you been sending first message after moi, Miss D pointing out its perfectly acceptable to do

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By *huramMan
over a year ago

London

"Quite simply they both didn't think the other was worth a 5 second text

You've missed the point of my post completely.

I get what your saying but you don't get men

A man will come just for a fuck as the tv is Crap if you message them for a fuck or will run a mile

But message for bowling And they will come if they have respect for you and actially like you and are too shy to ask

Men like to take women it's a chase it makes us feel manly if we have to try a bit "

Ladies.

For the love of all that is sane, decent and holy.

I beg you.

Please, please ignore this guy and just send a text message to the man you desire.

It is one message, ONE.

No reasonable man is going to think you're a crazy bunny boiling stalker because you sent one message.

Don't sit on your hands.

Hit those buttons and press send.

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By *ome Social With UsCouple (FF)
over a year ago

East Midlands

"Quite simply they both didn't think the other was worth a 5 second text

You've missed the point of my post completely.

I get what your saying but you don't get men

A man will come just for a fuck as the tv is Crap if you message them for a fuck or will run a mile

But message for bowling And they will come if they have respect for you and actially like you and are too shy to ask

Men like to take women it's a chase it makes us feel manly if we have to try a bit

Ladies.

For the love of all that is sane, decent and holy.

I beg you.

Please, please ignore this guy and just send a text message to the man you desire.

It is one message, ONE.

No reasonable man is going to think you're a crazy bunny boiling stalker because you sent one message.

Don't sit on your hands.

Hit those buttons and press send."

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"I get what your saying but you don't get men

A man will come just for a fuck as the tv is Crap if you message them for a fuck or will run a mile

But message for bowling And they will come if they have respect for you and actially like you and are too shy to ask

Men like to take women it's a chase it makes us feel manly if we have to try a bit "

I do get men thanks. And I would never send those type of messages.

Again, this thread was about timing and reciprocating, not content. I know how to write decent messages.

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"ah, but only recently have you been sending first message after moi, Miss D pointing out its perfectly acceptable to do"

This is very true

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"No reasonable man is going to think you're a crazy bunny boiling stalker because you sent one message."

Ok, this I will believe now

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By *ome Social With UsCouple (FF)
over a year ago

East Midlands

"No reasonable man is going to think you're a crazy bunny boiling stalker because you sent one message.

Ok, this I will believe now

Finally

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm fine with sending messages to guys, that's not a problem at all.

It's just if one goes quiet after meeting then I let it slide, I don't message and hassle them.

Though it transpires that sending a quick message is the ok thing to do

Don't take it personally, maybe life just got in the way. Send a message. Some guys are also notorious for interchanging whom they message and don't keep on top of it, yet can keep days in their calendars for extended periods of time. Even without constant messaging

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Don't take it personally, maybe life just got in the way. Send a message. Some guys are also notorious for interchanging whom they message and don't keep on top of it, yet can keep days in their calendars for extended periods of time. Even without constant messaging"

This I know to be true now.

Hurry with the car repairs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"By the way, there is a monumentally huge difference between sending one message to a guy which says,

"Hey are you free in the next few weeks?"

Compared to texting a guy repeatedly everyday and not getting a single reply."

This!

If you are in regular contact- just keep communicating!

Christ- if you want it- just ask! Not gonna die from a "No thanks" are we!

Sometimes people do overthink things! x

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By *inky-Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Sometimes people do overthink things! x"

How is asking for male opinions overthinking?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sometimes people do overthink things! x

How is asking for male opinions overthinking?

Thats not what I was referring to- I meant the bit at the beginning of your thread- where you are guessing at his reasons for 'going quiet' so you 'go quiet' too!

Just send a friendly message- its okay too- most men don't own bunnies anyway!

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By *eonardoLoveMan
over a year ago

London

"I never want to message someone after a meet.

Silence is a bonus!

Have fun with your silence

I do. It's usually more fun than the meet....

I bet on it. I do not imagine who you meet...

No, do not imagine.

Who I meet is a subject that need never concern you."

In fact I said I do NOT imagine honey

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By *eonardoLoveMan
over a year ago

London

"Sometimes people do overthink things! x

How is asking for male opinions overthinking?

It is, just send that fucking first message!?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 05/11/15 23:54:36]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For goodness sake, if you want to meet someone then tell them you want to meet them.

You're so very insightful

What do you want?

As an adult, you ought to be way past this childish nonsense of sitting on your hands.

If you want to meet someone, for the first time or for a repeat performance.

Tell them."

Can't be doing with all the game playing bollocks. If I want to meet and they don't ask, I ask them. If they go quiet I check to see if they still want to meet. If not that's fine, I'm an adult.

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By *ome Social With UsCouple (FF)
over a year ago

East Midlands

"For goodness sake, if you want to meet someone then tell them you want to meet them.

You're so very insightful

What do you want?

As an adult, you ought to be way past this childish nonsense of sitting on your hands.

If you want to meet someone, for the first time or for a repeat performance.

Tell them.

Can't be doing with all the game playing bollocks. If I want to meet and they don't ask, I ask them. If they go quiet I check to see if they still want to meet. If not that's fine, I'm an adult."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey I've just wondered what happens with 2 women?

Who's job is it then or do neither message first and this is why there's always complains that there's no hi women to meet lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey I've just wondered what happens with 2 women?

Who's job is it then or do neither message first and this is why there's always complains that there's no hi women to meet lol"

The two women would be constantly messaging each other before,during and after the event with gossip and discussing the wardrobe for next time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For goodness sake, if you want to meet someone then tell them you want to meet them.

You're so very insightful

What do you want?

As an adult, you ought to be way past this childish nonsense of sitting on your hands.

If you want to meet someone, for the first time or for a repeat performance.

Tell them.

Can't be doing with all the game playing bollocks. If I want to meet and they don't ask, I ask them. If they go quiet I check to see if they still want to meet. If not that's fine, I'm an adult."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For goodness sake, if you want to meet someone then tell them you want to meet them.

You're so very insightful

What do you want?

As an adult, you ought to be way past this childish nonsense of sitting on your hands.

If you want to meet someone, for the first time or for a repeat performance.

Tell them.

Can't be doing with all the game playing bollocks. If I want to meet and they don't ask, I ask them. If they go quiet I check to see if they still want to meet. If not that's fine, I'm an adult."

even if it has been a month or two since previously chatting. Why? Because I still want to meet. And if someone messages me first

even more reason to wanna meet you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No reasonable man is going to think you're a crazy bunny boiling stalker because you sent one message.

Ok, this I will believe now

I don't care if a man thinks I'm a bunny boiling stalker though; I know I'm not. If he gets huffy about me sending one message asking if he wants to meet then we aren't compatible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm fine with sending messages to guys, that's not a problem at all.

It's just if one goes quiet after meeting then I let it slide, I don't message and hassle them.

Though it transpires that sending a quick message is the ok thing to do

"
to be fair that is a sign if after meeting he goes quiet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hate texts, they can be misconstrued, if you've been given a number, call the person, if they don't answer , just send a text saying sorry I missed you, if they don't reply , then assume they don't want to know.... Simple !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I sometimes message friends on here first but not very often. People ive met more than once, I feel confident that its ok to message them first and know I will get a reply, in one case, replies are instant. we skype and whatsapp too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me i almost never message first after the first meet or so, as if im wanted i'll be called and it's always kept me rather busy

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