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Sexism in Swinging

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I started out in this lifestyle naively thinking that swinging was the ultimate flattened playing field where it concerned gender relations.

I thought the it empowered men and women to explore their sexuality in a safe, consensual, non/judgmental environment.

More and more I am finding that it's not quite like that.

Women still get bullied, judged and objectified.

The dress code at most clubs is indicative of the different statuses that male and female swingers hold. While men dress smartly as they would for a vanilla event, women are expected to be very scantily dressed and sexy.

Am I reading too much into it? As a feminist it really annoys me.

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

While swingers may be liberated sexually, they are no more or less liberal in their attitudes than anyone else in society.

If you read the Lounge regularly, you'd be forgiven for thinking that many swingers are actually quite reactionary.

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

I think perhaps because fab is open for anyone to join, the same for the clubs too, that you will still get attitudes that are prevelent in wider society. So those _iew are still here, but hopefully diluted by a few more sex positive and female friendly _iews?

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By *ertiVogtsMan
over a year ago

Exeter


"While swingers may be liberated sexually, they are no more or less liberal in their attitudes than anyone else in society.

If you read the Lounge regularly, you'd be forgiven for thinking that many swingers are actually quite reactionary."

In my experience SOME swingers aren't even sexually liberated..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

The dress code at most clubs is indicative of the different statuses that male and female swingers hold. While men dress smartly as they would for a vanilla event, women are expected to be very scantily dressed and sexy.

Am I reading too much into it? As a feminist it really annoys me."

I don't see the dress code as indicative of anything other than a reflection of what men and women wear in general. Look at any queue for a vanilla nightclub on a Saturday night and you'll see men and women dress pretty much the same way as they do in the average swingers club. If you're looking for more of a level playing field in clothing, fetish parties are the place to go (the good ones, anyway) as both men and women dress in something other than the usual nightclub garb.

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By *ordsandstuffMan
over a year ago

Highbury

The same thoughts have crossed my mind too and have led me to take time out from this place in the past.

My female friends tell me that it is a common misconception (particularly among men) that women make an effort with their appearance to appeal to men and that actually it's much more about themselves.

I do realise that everyone is different and so there will not be one answer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Swingers are people too. They aren't some special elitist group, no matter what some people think. (That is a general comment, not meaning anyone on this thread.)

It's the same as real life. Some are one way and some another.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love being scantily clad and objectified.

Please don't take that from me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some attitudes on here are dreadful far less tolerant but that doesn't seem to be the case when we meet people. Mr W

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some attitudes on here are dreadful far less tolerant but that doesn't seem to be the case when we meet people. Mr W "

I agree. People do seem different out at clubs/ in the real world.

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By *hampagneAfterpartyCouple
over a year ago

.

dont let your pretty little head worry about these little things. go and put something sexy on and post some photos for the guys to admire. theres a good girl

seriously though, you are right. the dress codes at clubs does encourage the girls to be sexy and the guys to be smart (at least for entry) some people are naturally sexist in various situations without even meaning to be. not sure there is an easy way to change that. over time society is slowly becoming less sexist, but its not totally there yet.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I love being scantily clad and objectified.

Please don't take that from me "

I will stand up for your right to be scantily clad and objectified if that is what you desire.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"dont let your pretty little head worry about these little things. go and put something sexy on and post some photos for the guys to admire. theres a good girl "

Hahaha!

Thanks for making me laugh!

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By *hampagneAfterpartyCouple
over a year ago

.


"dont let your pretty little head worry about these little things. go and put something sexy on and post some photos for the guys to admire. theres a good girl

Hahaha!

Thanks for making me laugh!"

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London


"I started out in this lifestyle naively thinking that swinging was the ultimate flattened playing field where it concerned gender relations.

I thought the it empowered men and women to explore their sexuality in a safe, consensual, non/judgmental environment.

More and more I am finding that it's not quite like that.

Women still get bullied, judged and objectified.

The dress code at most clubs is indicative of the different statuses that male and female swingers hold. While men dress smartly as they would for a vanilla event, women are expected to be very scantily dressed and sexy.

Am I reading too much into it? As a feminist it really annoys me."

Totally agree with you. I wear what I want to wear and not some male fantasy of how women should look. I leave the dressing up for black cop as that is his thing .... he can't stand the 'vanilla men' or as he calls them 'cab drivers' in clubs - it is indicative of the effort they have made.

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

Have to say that's why we like chams....paul hates anything smart or formal so we can both be naked and relaxed....if an event has a dress code...swinger or vanilla...we don't tend to go as it wouldn't be natural for either of us.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn


"

Women still get bullied, judged and objectified.

."

sorry I never got past this line.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You just have to be you.. I hate dressing up as it doesn't make me feel sexy .. Just be true to you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I love being scantily clad and objectified.

Please don't take that from me

I will stand up for your right to be scantily clad and objectified if that is what you desire. "

Thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" some people are naturally sexist in various situations without even meaning to be. not sure there is an easy way to change that. over time society is slowly becoming less sexist, but its not totally there yet."

Picking out the point I wanna focus on.

Sexism could be something as 'small' as saying 'ugh (opposite gender)' when someone you know says or does something that falls within a stereotype. It's nothing to do with the gender as a whole, but they all take the blame every time it happens.

Larger mistakes and/or beliefs exist, and are generally being tackled such as equal opportunities and fair payment in the workplace, but you are spot on when you say there is a long way to go yet

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I didn't know what to expect when I joined here. I just liked the name.

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By *LUKCouple
over a year ago

Loughborough

I think there is sexism but it works against both sexes in different ways.

Man with 50 verifications? Reliable pleaser.

Woman with 50 verifications? Fanny like a wizard's sleeve.

2 women passionately kissing on the dancefloor? Hot.As.Fuck.

2 men passionately kissing on the dancefloor? Get the flamethrower.

Single female you say? Well hello there!

Single male you say? Yeah you can fuck off, over there. Further. Now fuck off some more.

Woman walking around a club in sheer underwear? Nice....very nice.

Man walking around a club in sheer underwear? "It looked I was being mugged by the Elephant Man with a stocking over his head"

And so on and so forth.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I didn't know what to expect when I joined here. I just liked the name. "

Lol Steve

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge


"I think there is sexism but it works against both sexes in different ways.

Man with 50 verifications? Reliable pleaser.

Woman with 50 verifications? Fanny like a wizard's sleeve.

2 women passionately kissing on the dancefloor? Hot.As.Fuck.

2 men passionately kissing on the dancefloor? Get the flamethrower.

Single female you say? Well hello there!

Single male you say? Yeah you can fuck off, over there. Further. Now fuck off some more.

Woman walking around a club in sheer underwear? Nice....very nice.

Man walking around a club in sheer underwear? "It looked I was being mugged by the Elephant Man with a stocking over his head"

And so on and so forth."

lol

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By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London

Ooh I hear that!! Prefer fetish clubs where everyone has to make an effort. There's one I go to that makes chaps who've turned up in regular clothes, strip down their undies or no entry. Damn right!

Though went to a club tonight dressed smart but not revealing. Only woman in their who wasn't scantily clad, just didn't feel like it. The looks, I got

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I started out in this lifestyle naively thinking that swinging was the ultimate flattened playing field where it concerned gender relations.

I thought the it empowered men and women to explore their sexuality in a safe, consensual, non/judgmental environment.

More and more I am finding that it's not quite like that.

Women still get bullied, judged and objectified.

The dress code at most clubs is indicative of the different statuses that male and female swingers hold. While men dress smartly as they would for a vanilla event, women are expected to be very scantily dressed and sexy.

Am I reading too much into it? As a feminist it really annoys me.

Totally agree with you. I wear what I want to wear and not some male fantasy of how women should look. I leave the dressing up for black cop as that is his thing .... he can't stand the 'vanilla men' or as he calls them 'cab drivers' in clubs - it is indicative of the effort they have made. "

I call many men that especially some of the single men in the clubs around Heathrow, my other half hates it because it may be someone who's taken her fancy.

She always dresses up sexy as she never gets to unless it's a romantic night or a club night. I'd love to dress a little more sex club but I wouldn't know where to start, so it's usually shirt and trousers. I still prefer this to jeans and Tshirt though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think there is sexism but it works against both sexes in different ways.

Man with 50 verifications? Reliable pleaser.

Woman with 50 verifications? Fanny like a wizard's sleeve.

2 women passionately kissing on the dancefloor? Hot.As.Fuck.

2 men passionately kissing on the dancefloor? Get the flamethrower.

Single female you say? Well hello there!

Single male you say? Yeah you can fuck off, over there. Further. Now fuck off some more.

Woman walking around a club in sheer underwear? Nice....very nice.

Man walking around a club in sheer underwear? "It looked I was being mugged by the Elephant Man with a stocking over his head"

And so on and so forth."

Lol. Sad but true!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I started out in this lifestyle naively thinking that swinging was the ultimate flattened playing field where it concerned gender relations.

I thought the it empowered men and women to explore their sexuality in a safe, consensual, non/judgmental environment.

More and more I am finding that it's not quite like that.

Women still get bullied, judged and objectified.

The dress code at most clubs is indicative of the different statuses that male and female swingers hold. While men dress smartly as they would for a vanilla event, women are expected to be very scantily dressed and sexy.

Am I reading too much into it? As a feminist it really annoys me."

You wear what you like, why bow down to superficial standards to please strangers .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Women still get bullied, judged and objectified.

.

sorry I never got past this line....... "

Make yourself a female profile for a day or two.

It should sort your incredulity right out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I started out in this lifestyle naively thinking that swinging was the ultimate flattened playing field where it concerned gender relations.

I thought the it empowered men and women to explore their sexuality in a safe, consensual, non/judgmental environment.

More and more I am finding that it's not quite like that.

Women still get bullied, judged and objectified.

The dress code at most clubs is indicative of the different statuses that male and female swingers hold. While men dress smartly as they would for a vanilla event, women are expected to be very scantily dressed and sexy.

Am I reading too much into it? As a feminist it really annoys me."

If I was "expected" to dress in any way for what is, nothing but a hobby of sorts, it would be a red rag to a bull. Don't ever bow to percieved pressures, otherwise the status quo remains. You only get change through action. Words are not more powerful than the sword when it comes down to it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think there is sexism but it works against both sexes in different ways.

Man with 50 verifications? Reliable pleaser.

Woman with 50 verifications? Fanny like a wizard's sleeve.

2 women passionately kissing on the dancefloor? Hot.As.Fuck.

2 men passionately kissing on the dancefloor? Get the flamethrower.

Single female you say? Well hello there!

Single male you say? Yeah you can fuck off, over there. Further. Now fuck off some more.

Woman walking around a club in sheer underwear? Nice....very nice.

Man walking around a club in sheer underwear? "It looked I was being mugged by the Elephant Man with a stocking over his head"

And so on and so forth."
post of the year!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think there is sexism but it works against both sexes in different ways.

1-

Man with 50 verifications? Reliable pleaser.

Woman with 50 verifications? Fanny like a wizard's sleeve.

2-

2 women passionately kissing on the dancefloor? Hot.As.Fuck.

2 men passionately kissing on the dancefloor? Get the flamethrower.

3-

Single female you say? Well hello there!

Single male you say? Yeah you can fuck off, over there. Further. Now fuck off some more.

4-

Woman walking around a club in sheer underwear? Nice....very nice.

Man walking around a club in sheer underwear? "It looked I was being mugged by the Elephant Man with a stocking over his head"

And so on and so forth."

Your examples just prove my point:

1- criticises women with many sexual partners

2- not exciting for men, so not interested

3- not aimed at men hence not interested

4 - again a case of pleasing men.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think there is sexism but it works against both sexes in different ways.

1-

Man with 50 verifications? Reliable pleaser.

Woman with 50 verifications? Fanny like a wizard's sleeve.

2-

2 women passionately kissing on the dancefloor? Hot.As.Fuck.

2 men passionately kissing on the dancefloor? Get the flamethrower.

3-

Single female you say? Well hello there!

Single male you say? Yeah you can fuck off, over there. Further. Now fuck off some more.

4-

Woman walking around a club in sheer underwear? Nice....very nice.

Man walking around a club in sheer underwear? "It looked I was being mugged by the Elephant Man with a stocking over his head"

And so on and so forth.

Your examples just prove my point:

1- criticises women with many sexual partners

2- not exciting for men, so not interested

3- not aimed at men hence not interested

4 - again a case of pleasing men."
I think that was his point? If not he proved what you were saying

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By *agicfingerslovelyMan
over a year ago

Rugby

[Removed by poster at 09/11/15 19:04:40]

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By *agicfingerslovelyMan
over a year ago

Rugby

I so like the dressing up part of the fetish scene but also like at the end of the night and you cannot find your towel the naked look at Chams - it feels so free!

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe


"

The dress code at most clubs is indicative of the different statuses that male and female swingers hold. While men dress smartly as they would for a vanilla event, women are expected to be very scantily dressed and sexy.

"

I agree with much of your post but not this.

It may be that clubs in London are different but all the clubs we've attended have been pretty much like any vanilla club.

In other words most women will want to look good, though the level of undress will vary hugely. Not enough men make an effort.

Nita

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By *aith boyMan
over a year ago

Worthing


"I started out in this lifestyle naively thinking that swinging was the ultimate flattened playing field where it concerned gender relations.

I thought the it empowered men and women to explore their sexuality in a safe, consensual, non/judgmental environment.

More and more I am finding that it's not quite like that.

Women still get bullied, judged and objectified.

The dress code at most clubs is indicative of the different statuses that male and female swingers hold. While men dress smartly as they would for a vanilla event, women are expected to be very scantily dressed and sexy.

Am I reading too much into it? As a feminist it really annoys me."

as a feminist, most things will annoy you !

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I started out in this lifestyle naively thinking that swinging was the ultimate flattened playing field where it concerned gender relations.

I thought the it empowered men and women to explore their sexuality in a safe, consensual, non/judgmental environment.

More and more I am finding that it's not quite like that.

Women still get bullied, judged and objectified.

The dress code at most clubs is indicative of the different statuses that male and female swingers hold. While men dress smartly as they would for a vanilla event, women are expected to be very scantily dressed and sexy.

Am I reading too much into it? As a feminist it really annoys me.

as a feminist, most things will annoy you !"

Wrong!

It's just inequality and morons like you who annoy me.

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By *ratty_DamselWoman
over a year ago

London.

Since I started meeting people from adult sites, as a single female I have noticed a huge chasm in how men behave in public and private.

Some with very good veri's but who behave like pigs when no-one is around. They then get offended when questioned about their behaviour or lies etc.

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By *icurguycovMan
over a year ago

Leeds

I know what you mean. The problem is what should men wear to a club - what is sexy, as opposed to smart?

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By *eonardoLoveMan
over a year ago

London


"I started out in this lifestyle naively thinking that swinging was the ultimate flattened playing field where it concerned gender relations.

I thought the it empowered men and women to explore their sexuality in a safe, consensual, non/judgmental environment.

More and more I am finding that it's not quite like that.

Women still get bullied, judged and objectified.

The dress code at most clubs is indicative of the different statuses that male and female swingers hold. While men dress smartly as they would for a vanilla event, women are expected to be very scantily dressed and sexy.

Am I reading too much into it? As a feminist it really annoys me."

Yes and consider the single guys are not allowed in swinger clubs on Saturday nights. Like dogs to a cinema...

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London


"I started out in this lifestyle naively thinking that swinging was the ultimate flattened playing field where it concerned gender relations.

I thought the it empowered men and women to explore their sexuality in a safe, consensual, non/judgmental environment.

More and more I am finding that it's not quite like that.

Women still get bullied, judged and objectified.

The dress code at most clubs is indicative of the different statuses that male and female swingers hold. While men dress smartly as they would for a vanilla event, women are expected to be very scantily dressed and sexy.

Am I reading too much into it? As a feminist it really annoys me.

as a feminist, most things will annoy you !"

I do wander how many feminists you have managed to converse with, especially with an attitude like that

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By *ratty_DamselWoman
over a year ago

London.


"I started out in this lifestyle naively thinking that swinging was the ultimate flattened playing field where it concerned gender relations.

I thought the it empowered men and women to explore their sexuality in a safe, consensual, non/judgmental environment.

More and more I am finding that it's not quite like that.

Women still get bullied, judged and objectified.

The dress code at most clubs is indicative of the different statuses that male and female swingers hold. While men dress smartly as they would for a vanilla event, women are expected to be very scantily dressed and sexy.

Am I reading too much into it? As a feminist it really annoys me.

as a feminist, most things will annoy you !

I do wander how many feminists you have managed to converse with, especially with an attitude like that "

Sounds like the men I avoid like the plague....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you want to see sexism in action just look a the differences in prices that clubs charge single men and single women for entry.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Any special interest group will pick and choose the examples that fit their predisposition, however that doesn't make it true.

In our experiences the woman of the couple always has the final say on what does or doesn't happen and the men won't dare orgasm until the women have had at least 3 so go figure

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By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City


"I think there is sexism but it works against both sexes in different ways.

Man with 50 verifications? Reliable pleaser.

Woman with 50 verifications? Fanny like a wizard's sleeve.

2 women passionately kissing on the dancefloor? Hot.As.Fuck.

2 men passionately kissing on the dancefloor? Get the flamethrower.

Single female you say? Well hello there!

Single male you say? Yeah you can fuck off, over there. Further. Now fuck off some more.

Woman walking around a club in sheer underwear? Nice....very nice.

Man walking around a club in sheer underwear? "It looked I was being mugged by the Elephant Man with a stocking over his head"

And so on and so forth."

Too true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of the most asked questions of me is "What are you going to wear?" Men are visually stimulated and maybe clubs play on that to entice more men in. When I first came on Fab I was doing a little research into clubs,to see if they interested me,and the theme was that women wear as least as possible,even being stated that women dress in sexy. I read somewhere that dresses or skirts had to be over the knee. I don't like being dictated to about anything. I'm not going to titillate men,I would be going to find people who have the same open mind I have.

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By *rnortholtMan
over a year ago

Waveney Valley


"I think there is sexism but it works against both sexes in different ways.

Man with 50 verifications? Reliable pleaser.

Woman with 50 verifications? Fanny like a wizard's sleeve.

2 women passionately kissing on the dancefloor? Hot.As.Fuck.

2 men passionately kissing on the dancefloor? Get the flamethrower.

Single female you say? Well hello there!

Single male you say? Yeah you can fuck off, over there. Further. Now fuck off some more.

Woman walking around a club in sheer underwear? Nice....very nice.

Man walking around a club in sheer underwear? "It looked I was being mugged by the Elephant Man with a stocking over his head"

And so on and so forth."

Very,very funny - but also very true!

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn


"

Women still get bullied, judged and objectified.

.

sorry I never got past this line.......

Make yourself a female profile for a day or two.

It should sort your incredulity right out."

I don't need to, I have many years of reading forum posts, chat room observations and 3 years of working in a swingers club to draw on.... But thanks anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I posted something similar the other day as to men's demands for meeting, and got a totally different response

I'm glad to see by this thread that I'm not on my own as far as demands are concerned though

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Some of the worst to bully, objectify and judge women on here, are other women.

Ask the slimmer women... Ask the ladies who like gangbangs, the ladies who like dogging. It is sad when people are disrespected, happens daily to men. But more sad when it's your own.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not all clubs have the same dress "code". In my local club pennant hall in north wales people tend to grab a towel or robe as soon as they go in but there again the wet area is a major attraction (in more ways than one).

On a separate issue women have a wide selection of lingerie to choose from if they WANT to wear it. The options for men especially if they don't cross dress or want to look like they have escaped from the village people are far more limited. I have said for years that there should be more sexy underwear for the average guy. But the reply I normally get is its not going to stay on long enough to make i worth while!

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