FabSwingers.com forum: "Desperate"!

By *aughtyYorkGent OP Man
over a year ago

Yorkshire

I’ve been on and off this site for a few years now and I’d like to think I know the score – women get inundated, single guys hugely outnumber the gals and have to be patient. I’ve had some success and a couple of my meets have developed into full-on medium-term FB relationships, so I can’t complain. I understand it must be frustrating for women to have more mail than they cope with – arguably not as frustrating as the constant rejection a lot of guys get, but then it’s not a competition.

Against that less-than-ideal background for all concerned, it does amuse me when women, particularly newbies presumably shocked at the level of attention, use the word “desperate” as an insult against men in general – e.g.“this site is full of desperate men”. I realise being over-keen is never attractive, and there’s no excuse for guys to pester anyone once an offer has been declined or a message deleted, but this seems to be used to refer to the number of different guys showing an interest, rather than repeated contact from one.

This always brings to mind the parallel of hordes of people descending on a café and, when there isn’t enough food to go around, being teased and called “hungry”! Speaking for myself as a heterosexual guy, I like women, just as I like food. Thankfully, the source of the latter is a bit more reliable than the former at the moment!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The minority that don't take 'no thanks' for an answer are the ones who spoil the fab experience. I guess this could be the factor behind the 'desperate' accusations. I wouldn't like to be a man on here as it looks like it can get pretty frustrating.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

so much of what they moan about can be resolved by taking control, setting filters, being realistic that 'updates' can drive volume, and/or blocking people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women ha e all the power here, and quite simply, it goes to goes to some women's heads!!

I do feel for guys on here also, it seems what ever they do, it's not good enough.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I like food too

I have never dissed blokes for messaging me. I diss them for messaging me without reading my profile.

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I've no filters and no-one on my block list.

I choose to respond to all my messages provided they're polite. Some I delete without opening simply because I can read what's written without having to open it. I'm quite clear on that in my profile so I don't feel rude or bad mannered.

However, I have no photos showing and that's cut down my inbox intake massively. I don't think anyone is desperate and I don't feel the need to be rude. I can count on one hand the number of people who have been nasty to me by PM in ten years and even then I was polite in my response.

There's no need for anyone to resort to calling people desperate in any situation.

I think if everyone just accepted that no reply is a sign that the person is uninterested and moved on without responding either by moaning in the forums or by return PM this whole place would be remarkably different for all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But desperate can imply plenty of negative things, some of which can leave the person being persued feeling bad about themselves or even concerned for their own safety.

Desperate can imply no self control, selfish, does not care for others boundaries and impatience. Nobody wants to be with someone who has these qualities, in fact this can be a dangerous situation to put yourself in.

Desperate can imply not fussy, which on a lower level of thought is not flattering if you are fussy and admire that quality. On a higher level of thought this also implies they are willing to take risks, risks that might put you in danger yourself.

There are other reasons why people don't like desperate, and by calling people desperate is often making light of the actual reason why people are put off these guys.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't suggest men are desperate for messaging me (they can't anyway, I've got everyone blocked at the moment) but some men do occasionally come across as desperate because they are clear that they just want to have sex with someone, anyone, whoever it is, and that's not really attractive to me.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

The standout for me is the desperate to "be loved" and when I read that, I find that desperately sad.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Not a word I would use myself but there are a lot of people who will 'say anything' to 'fuck anything' and put up status' themselves about how desperate they are to get laid!!

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By *huramMan
over a year ago

London

"Women ha e all the power here, and quite simply, it goes to goes to some women's heads!!

I do feel for guys on here also, it seems what ever they do, it's not good enough. "

Correct.

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