FabSwingers.com forum: Tips for dealing with depression

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Anyone got some tips/advice on dealing with depression? Apart from seeing the doctors, that's already sorted. I wanted some help dealing with day to day shit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get myself to my local sports centre and do fitness classes it's a great escapism for an hour or so and clears my head,life can be really difficult and x10 if you retreat to the house with only 4 walls for company.

Do get help though your Doctor can and will suggest some options for you,best of luck

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

not a clue - I dont have it or know anybody with it. It's a difficult illness to treat, discuss and manage I'd think. Maybe have a hobby, realise a trigger and stem that point where a slip may occur. Art, running, music, reading, fitness - something to lift endorphins or something that has interested you in the past. Look at your foods and nutrition.. I kid you not; pineapple is a beautiful fruit for when you are down - it is proven to release 'feel good' moods ..

and it's good for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My way of dealing with it was talking to people. I had a mental health worker and she did wonders, talking everything through with me. There were days I actually hated myself and had some awful thoughts but if it wasn't for her I don't know how I'd have coped otherwise. That and putting on some music, happy cheery music that I had good memories with reminded me of how I can be happy and not have to worry 24/7. (At the time I lived on my own with my then 2-3yo who didn't sleep properly, eat properly or even talk - my days consisted of everyone needing me but never being there for me.) Get an unbiased ear and yap until their ears bleed it'll be awkward at first but my last session I had managed to pass my theory test, mr was moving in, I had laughed for the first time in a long time. It does get better I promise. Don't expect over night miracles though xx if you wanna chat feel free to email me

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

Be positive. It may seem hard but it is essential.

Read up on how you can 'program' your sub conscious mind to make you better too.

Depending on what your GP is offering take any opportunity for counselling. And Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) is very good too.

Good luck, it is beatable

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Exercise creates endorphins to help you feel better. Chatting to folk who know what its like helped me a few years ago too. I wasn't looking for advice just an ear to unload onto.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks all!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great advice already on the exercise - based on your user name maybe cut down on the booze as well! It has a real impact especially in the days after a session.

Best wishes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you have a gym nearby with a spa you could become a member. I found that having an intense workout followed by a relaxing few hours in the spa really helped in not just relieving, but at times eliminating the feelings of depression and anxiety. I would go home after and have a fantastic nights sleep full of positive thoughts and it felt great!

Hope you feel better soon and try and keep your chin up

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By *lfieWoman
over a year ago

South Dublin

I increased exercise and cut out alcohol and I managed to wean myself off meds having been on them for four years. I'm addicted to endorphins now but could be worse.

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By *ransGuyTV/TS
over a year ago

Cardiff

Dealing with any problems that are adding to/causing the depression. But this isn't always possible straight away.

Taking back control and changing your _iew of yourself/your life/the world around you, choosing to be happy and see the good in every situation. Sounds easier than it actually is but it's the choice I make everyday and it's worked for me for many years now.

The easiest way is distraction, you don't deal with anything short term but it's sort of like taking medication for it - you stop your brain constantly bringing it up by doing things that distract you from the bad stuff. Doing this will hopefully make the bad stuff seem less important and by being productive (hobbies, exercise etc.) you start to feel better and stronger. You start taking back control and, if this is caused by specific things in your life, you start clearing your mind and building up the strength to deal with them.

Getting over this is not going to be quick. Every single day you need to wake up and be determined to make it and not give up on yourself.

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By *ortland51Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

Good advice here from a lot of genuine and empathetic people.

Talking, exercising and trusting your subconscious are all great tips, as is cutting out alcohol (if you can).

One wee one I'd add to all that, and it might sound silly or uneffective, but I find it works - write a daily list if you can or want.

Not of the stuff that you want to achieve that day, as that could lead to disappointment, but write down the stuff you do get done as you go and you'll be amazed at the end of the day what you have achieved.

There's nothing silly about reading this sort of thing at the end of the day;

Got up, made breakfast.

10am - did washing.

1pm - walked to the shop (it felt ok)

3pm - spoke with friend/confidant

5pm - made bed! (Even that is an achievement some days if you are not well) tidied livingroom.

7pm - cooked dinner.

7:30pm - Phoned sister/brother/whoever to check in with them.

8pm - some quiet time with a film/sport

For me, that looks like a full day with lots of positives, and gradually it builds. It's a daily record of achievement, and that is satisfying.

And for me now, a year on from feeling like you do now - I'm on Fab and pestering the hell put of women!!

Trust yourself mate, and you will hopefully be fine. They very fact you have asked for advice publicly leads me to believe you have enough about you to conquer any demons.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have made the first positive step OP by admitting you need help and arranging to see your GP. Things will get better but it won't happen overnight so you need to be kind to yourself and take one day at a time. The usual advise;eat well, exercise, talk to friends, keeping a journal, loud up beat music will all help. Do one small thing for you each day - this can be something as simple as treat yourself to some chocolate or go and see a film you like. Make sure it's about you! Good luck OP.

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By *T_LEECouple (MM)
over a year ago

near you

"Anyone got some tips/advice on dealing with depression? Apart from seeing the doctors, that's already sorted. I wanted some help dealing with day to day shit."

Make sure you have a shower and cup of tea as soon as you wake up. Get out and get plenty of fresh air. Nothing beats a good walk. Phone friends and catch up with them. Don't spend all day online.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Anyone got some tips/advice on dealing with depression? Apart from seeing the doctors, that's already sorted. I wanted some help dealing with day to day shit."

Learn a musical instrument

Join a local marching band and they teach for free

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I found excercise helped in past . I need to get back too it myself .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"not a clue - I dont have it or know anybody with it."

I think you would be surprised. The prevalence of depression in society today is frightening.

Speaking as someone who has battled with the black dog for over 25 years, it was very eye opening for me when I started to open up to.people about my mental state and heard just how many others were struggling to.

For me the meds are vital, but so to is the help and support of friends and family. I truly believe that if it wasn't for my wife I would have given up a long time ago and that scares the cap out of me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Meditation of some sort can help. Mindfulness is fairly easy to get the hang of. Excercise, eating well, fresh air, acknowledging your daily wins etc. that have already been mentioned.

Sometimes I think you have to allow yourself to feel it without rationalising, analysing, or fighting it. Some days we're going to feel crap and that's ok. It will pass and we can forgive ourselves for it. Be kind to yourself OP x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've just ordered my dad a SAD light from lloyds chemist as there's a lot of positive feedback about them helping with low moods and depression in winter months. X

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

It's probably been said already but exercise, fresh air and talking about it are key.

A friend of mine has depression and they go for long walks and gym sessions; they also attended a short group therapy course. They did have medication too - this put them in the right frame of mind to do all of the above.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I also used excercise. I took a bad turn when I was injured then made redundant from the army. My rehab for my ankle injury got me through. Made me realise I could do anything I wanted to. I could run again and I could do more that I thought in life

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

The research evidence shows that a combined mix of therapy and medication for depression has lower relapse rates - in other words, the depression doesn't come back for as many people. This is compared to just those people using therapy or medication alone as a treatment. Obviously not everyone will be prescribed medication, and depression is very different for each of us. And there are no guarantees from either medication or therapy.

Each med works differently for us too - so if one doesn't give the benefit you need, consider switching, even if it's to another antidepressant of the same type, such as the SSRI meds.

Otherwise, sometimes depression arises from things that have happened to us, such as from losses. If there's something in particular that's occurred that could have caused it, there may be some specialist support targeted for that.

As others point out, exercise does have positive benefits for mental health. If you can adopt regular exercise then this should support better mental health. Being around nature can also be a really good thing for depression - so think about how you could incorporate some time alongside our natural environment.

Seek out whatever support that you can. The better your support network, the more likely it is that you won't become potentially isolated, or spiral downwards emotionally.

It can be really tough when you're possibly feeling drained, limited motivation or interest in things to actually do much. I'd suggest taking small steps, maybe several of them, rather than embarking on huge things. Smaller steps can seem more manageable, less off-putting etc. And achieving some small steps can have a positive feedback for us, maybe making other things to appear more possible.

So think of the people you could potentially engage with, the small bits of exercise you could incorporate into your day and other small things that you could start adding for yourself.

And please consider the benefit of treating yourself. Whilst we're down often we can seem disconnected from the pleasurable feelings that we've enjoyed before - we can feel numbed. But regular treats could incrementally help to lift you too. I don't know what you would appreciate but I add in things like massages, little outings or things that may perk me up. Sometimes just putting on some nice clothes and making a bigger effort with my appearance is a way to add something positive for me, when no-one else needs to see me looking better.

Wishing you the best and at least you know that the forums are a good place to come for others to listen to you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All good stuff above. I would add get a dog that needs a regular walk. An easy way to force you to take exercise. A gym is too easy to avoid...,

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

OP: you have been back 3 weeks and this is the second depression thread that you have started. Now that is not a bad thing but my question would be, do you think swinging supports your recovery or impacts it.

I personally think it can have a detrimental impact to some and it can be immensely superficial and impactful to a person's self esteem.

For balance, it can also help.

good luck

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By *skentcoupleCouple
over a year ago

Dartford

Dear OP,

I wonder whether fabs and visiting swinging clubs is'nt really the best place for you at the moment? We see a lot of people having success on here, which can make you reflect on how well you personally feel your doing yourself. It has been good to see how much support you've had here. I wonder if you have looked at the elefriends forum its an supportive on-line community run by Mind the mental health charity and well worth a look

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By *antileveredCouple
over a year ago

North London

"Dear OP,

This member took the words pretty much from our mouths. This is probably not the kind of environment that will be most helpful to someone managing a mental wellbeing issue, particularly if you're experiencing an acute period.

Other posters have advised plenty of exercise and we would add to that, creating a well structured day plan for those days when there's a risk of lethargy or lack of direction. Mr Cantilevered sometimes guest tutors at a therapeutic writing group for people who need to find a non verbal form of reflection and I understand that those who attend often find that to be a very powerful and positive experience.

We both wish you more bright days than dark ones. X

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Good advice here from a lot of genuine and empathetic people.

Talking, exercising and trusting your subconscious are all great tips, as is cutting out alcohol (if you can).

One wee one I'd add to all that, and it might sound silly or uneffective, but I find it works - write a daily list if you can or want.

There's nothing silly about reading this sort of thing at the end of the day;

Got up, made breakfast.

10am - did washing.

1pm - walked to the shop (it felt ok)

3pm - spoke with friend/confidant

5pm - made bed! (Even that is an achievement some days if you are not well) tidied livingroom.

7pm - cooked dinner.

7:30pm - Phoned sister/brother/whoever to check in with them.

8pm - some quiet time with a film/sport

For me, that looks like a full day with lots of positives, and gradually it builds. It's a daily record of achievement, and that is satisfying.

And for me now, a year on from feeling like you do now - I'm on Fab and pestering the hell put of women!!

Trust yourself mate, and you will hopefully be fine. They very fact you have asked for advice publicly leads me to believe you have enough about you to conquer any demons.

You are so right, small achievements are still achievements

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Trying to be positive, all the pills in the world can make a difference but you have to try and find something good in every day, even just a small thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Eat 6 bananas a day, every day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I self medicated.

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By *ERGIE6Man
over a year ago

irvine

Find something you like m8

I suffer from depression and i like to play golf or getting out in fresh air

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Exercise of any kind, but especially short high intensity can be invigorating. Even if you feel low on energy at the start. And opening up to somebody.

Many foods also help, you can google good lists, but eating healthily in general will help.

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By *eachedCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

This has got to be one of the best threads ive read on the forum.

Positive, uplifting advice everyone gets a gold star.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Join a gym!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 01/11/15 09:54:35]

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By *ost SockMan
over a year ago

West Wales and Cardiff

"This has got to be one of the best threads ive read on the forum.

Positive, uplifting advice everyone gets a gold star.

If you have a moment, do a forum search on depression/anxiety/ mental health.

It's not just this thread, there's been lots of great threads on this - quite amazing ones. I hear what people say, but in a weird way I think this is a good site for someone looking for help with this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This has got to be one of the best threads ive read on the forum.

Positive, uplifting advice everyone gets a gold star.

If you have a moment, do a forum search on depression/anxiety/ mental health.

Maybe I've misread this - but you think this sex site is a good place for people with depression?

Certainly it's amazing how many people on the forums seem to be on what they call meds - but why is this good?

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By *herealdeal90Man
over a year ago

Huddersfield

The key is to do something that you love and is a passion of yours. Football, running, walking, etc. That will put a smile on your face and give you a happy feeling

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Maybe I've misread this - but you think this sex site is a good place for people with depression?"

Anywhere that someone depressed can get a form of support is a good place to be.

And why can't people with depression have sex? Sex is one of the greatest feel-good things you can do.

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By *ost SockMan
over a year ago

West Wales and Cardiff

"This has got to be one of the best threads ive read on the forum.

Positive, uplifting advice everyone gets a gold star.

If you have a moment, do a forum search on depression/anxiety/ mental health.

Maybe I've misread this - but you think this sex site is a good place for people with depression?

Certainly it's amazing how many people on the forums seem to be on what they call meds - but why is this good? "

I think you've misread, sorry.

I'm not saying that it's agood idea to be on here. I wouldn't be saying "joining a swinging site is a good Thing for depressed people to do".

What I would say is that when people who are members have admitted to mental health issues there has been lots of excellent support and advice for informed, articulate people. I'm sure there's been the odd idiot too, but I don't really recall that.

People have been very helpful - I speak from personal experience.

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By *eachedCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

Geez why does a bit of positivity have to get twisted.

Every now and again you read something that gives you a glimmer of hope that mankind is entirely lost and and should be put down like a rabid dog.

I have first hand experience of those suffering acute mental health issues. Having run a supported accommodation service licenced at the time by Bham city council.

Me and my now ex husband saw everything and I mean everything!! Homeless,probationary, alcohol and drug issues et c...

The guys that came to us had multi faceted problems which could manifest at any given moment and it didn t take much to set them off!

When you re woken out your bed at 2 in the morning because someone wants to slit their wrists or jump off a building but we talked them round we know we ve done our job,

But also along the way we lost a few too.

The point im making is this if one kind word enables someone to think life is still worth living then for gods sake lets say it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go to the gym

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Anyone got some tips/advice on dealing with depression? Apart from seeing the doctors, that's already sorted. I wanted some help dealing with day to day shit."

You can phone Samaritans and talk to someone for free whenever you want.

Or download 7 cups of tea to your phone and you can text listeners of your choice if you don't feel like talking.

Pm me if you want.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Physical exercise , try and do a groups/partner activity such a squash or something.

Motorbikes, which is my number one thing.

My other coping stratagy isn't really healthy but kinda obvious from pics

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"You can phone Samaritans and talk to someone for free whenever you want."

This is true, and they are there for anyone, not just someone feeling suicidal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This has got to be one of the best threads ive read on the forum.

Positive, uplifting advice everyone gets a gold star.

If you have a moment, do a forum search on depression/anxiety/ mental health.

Maybe I've misread this - but you think this sex site is a good place for people with depression?

Certainly it's amazing how many people on the forums seem to be on what they call meds - but why is this good? "

Yeah its a brilliant site (not sure what the "what they call meds" comment is about) when you're feeling down, great to have people to chat to and laugh with or just to curl up in bed or on the sofa with if you don't feel like talking and just enjoy the company.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Anyone got some tips/advice on dealing with depression? Apart from seeing the doctors, that's already sorted. I wanted some help dealing with day to day shit."
. That is a tough question. And very hard to answer but having close family and friends around you helps . Plus happy pills they help a lot, But no matter what advice the good people of fab give you. , only you can help yourself with your depression .

Good luck and try the happy pills

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Anyone got some tips/advice on dealing with depression? Apart from seeing the doctors, that's already sorted. I wanted some help dealing with day to day shit.. That is a tough question. And very hard to answer but having close family and friends around you helps . Plus happy pills they help a lot, But no matter what advice the good people of fab give you. , only you can help yourself with your depression .

Good luck and try the happy pills "

Just remember the tablets tend to make things worse before they get better (first week or two) so push through it and try and keep your head on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My personal mechanism is to take myself out of my 'normal' life for a few hours when I'm having a down period. I do this by getting my cameras and having a long trod around the city at night. It can be pretty quiet and deserted and I find the temporary distraction gives me some headspace and really helps me.

On a plus side I also get some lovely photos of the worlds greatest city

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

Go for walks with my camera

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Go for walks with my camera "

Snap!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Exercise

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People with understanding is a big one, recognising you are depressed and accepting it is a positive thing, because now you can look into dealing with it. Nature always works for me, walking alone or with friends in a wood or on a beach etc, exercise such as Martial Arts and Taiji have helped, and diet. But if it gets worse, see a Doctor about medication. Talking to us on FAB is a good one too.

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By *antileveredCouple
over a year ago

North London

[Removed by poster at 01/11/15 22:30:44]

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By *antileveredCouple
over a year ago

North London

"Go for walks with my camera

Snap!

Likewise

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suffer with depression , i take meds for it , i feel that a good walk over a park helps , i also use breathing exercises which is known as self meditation i am looking into getting a sad light at the moment as well

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thankyou all for your help and feedback.

I feel I must however address a few members, questioning wether a swingers site was the place to discuss it. I posted it in the "swingers support and advice" forum. There for yeah, it was the right place to discuss it.

If I feel/anyone feels unable to pick up the phone and speak to a friend or family member, sometimes a random conversation helps. With people that have clearly been through the same.

It's a support and advice page, I asked for advice. So you judging my choice of place to vent, seemed very short sighted. And the fact I have been here 3 weeks and posted 3 threads..... So bloody what! for me, at times of serious lows, it actually helps an awful lot!

To everyone else, a bloody big Thankyou very much appreciated your story's gave me strength

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"Thankyou all for your help and feedback.

If I feel/anyone feels unable to pick up the phone and speak to a friend or family member, sometimes a random conversation helps. With people that have clearly been through the same.

To everyone else, a bloody big Thankyou very much appreciated your story's gave me strength"

I never judged you or your place for posting, I did actually say that. I was also one of the first to offer you comfort on your last thread.

Good luck for the future and I hope things go well

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thankyou all for your help and feedback.

If I feel/anyone feels unable to pick up the phone and speak to a friend or family member, sometimes a random conversation helps. With people that have clearly been through the same.

To everyone else, a bloody big Thankyou very much appreciated your story's gave me strength

I never judged you or your place for posting, I did actually say that. I was also one of the first to offer you comfort on your last thread.

Good luck for the future and I hope things go well"

I was broadly aiming at a cpl of members, however it was the ones that took your message,added their bit of vitriol and private messaged me telling me what they thought of my made up illness. Not aimed specifically at you at all. I appreciated each and every sentiment

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By *onia1969Woman
over a year ago

Bridgwater

"Anyone got some tips/advice on dealing with depression? Apart from seeing the doctors, that's already sorted. I wanted some help dealing with day to day shit."

I find going for a walk heelps me and listening to music at same time. In summer going to beach or nice parrot with a good book

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