FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to Swingers Chat

So...

Jump to newest
 

By *trawberry-pop OP   Woman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT

If you say you don't like something, someone saying they would do exactly that is rapey?! Or is it just me?!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think its a bit rapey I do think it's men who think they are Dom who actually have no idea of what Dom is or means, they think it means I say you do and are convinced you will like it after all

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you say you don't like something, someone saying they would do exactly that is rapey?! Or is it just me?!"
we are all different ,different things we enjoy make the world go round don't you think ?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago

Catthorpe

Before a meet and they'd be no meet and if it occurred during a meet we'd be very annoyed and have been (won't go into it) your boundaries should always be respected.

Him

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *trawberry-pop OP   Woman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"If you say you don't like something, someone saying they would do exactly that is rapey?! Or is it just me?!we are all different ,different things we enjoy make the world go round don't you think ? "

That's not answering the question at all.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *trawberry-pop OP   Woman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"If you say you don't like something, someone saying they would do exactly that is rapey?! Or is it just me?!we are all different ,different things we enjoy make the world go round don't you think ? "

So if you said that you hate being pegged, then I say i'll be round with the world's biggest strap on, tie you up and force it inside you, that's not rapey?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you say you don't like something, someone saying they would do exactly that is rapey?! Or is it just me?!we are all different ,different things we enjoy make the world go round don't you think ?

So if you said that you hate being pegged, then I say i'll be round with the world's biggest strap on, tie you up and force it inside you, that's not rapey? "

Surely that's the point he would hit block lol

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thankfully all my 'no nos' have been respected so far I don't quite no how I would handle someone not respecting them in the throes of it

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *trawberry-pop OP   Woman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"Thankfully all my 'no nos' have been respected so far I don't quite no how I would handle someone not respecting them in the throes of it"

It's quite worrying really. I've had my boundaries pushed a few times and it has left me feeling feeling angry and hurt. I think if it ever happens again I might have a spontaneous physical reaction.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thankfully all my 'no nos' have been respected so far I don't quite no how I would handle someone not respecting them in the throes of it

It's quite worrying really. I've had my boundaries pushed a few times and it has left me feeling feeling angry and hurt. I think if it ever happens again I might have a spontaneous physical reaction. "

Don't entertain anyone who even 'jokes' about pushing boundaries. Usually they are testing you to see what they can get away with. And yes, imo, i think it is abuse if they don't respect them.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Deffo a bit rapey if they go beyond your stated boundaries.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

This thread is piss. You are setting up a meet, but why the fuck are boundaries 'negotiated' before? Sure tastes are talked about - but its a case of that 'sounds good or not for me'. It's not a case of, 'oh well, when I get there we'll see what you like'.

If you think they are going to play by the rules OP. Don't meet them!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

*If you don't think they are going to play by the rules OP. Don't meet them! (hmm)

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *trawberry-pop OP   Woman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"This thread is piss. You are setting up a meet, but why the fuck are boundaries 'negotiated' before? Sure tastes are talked about - but its a case of that 'sounds good or not for me'. It's not a case of, 'oh well, when I get there we'll see what you like'.

If you think they are going to play by the rules OP. Don't meet them! "

Thank you for your charming 'piss' comment.

Now, i'm not psychic so i'm not able to predict the future, ie whether someone will respect my boundaries or not.

Sure, sometimes there's an inkling, and gut reactions are useful, but not every deviant is so obvious.

But thanks for your valuable input.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

well it stands to reason - if someone is pushing their luck chatting, they are going to try it on when they get there. For the most my meets have been set up within a week or a couple of days. We have both/all know what each other likes and we have gone at it without issues. There has been no back and forth chats, no discussion about 'well lets try this'. Your gut is just that - trust it and don't put yourself in a situation where a meet could turn into something where boundaries could be pushed unnecessarily because you have left them open to invite. Just dont meet them in the first place

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham


"And yes, imo, i think it is abuse if they don't respect them."

It is abuse

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you say you don't like something, someone saying they would do exactly that is rapey?! Or is it just me?!we are all different ,different things we enjoy make the world go round don't you think ?

That's not answering the question at all."
their are a lot of things I don't like but I tend to air on the side of things I do so no I understand not everyone is going to agree with my likes and dislikes and anyone that does it for the sake of it isnt necessarily rapey no xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm Dominant, and I consider it tantamount to abuse to do ANYTHING my sub hasn't already expressed an interest in and agreed to.

D/s sessions are centred around the needs of the sub, in my experience. I get off on seeing my sub's fantasies fulfilled. It should never be an opportunity for the Dom to do something unexpected and unwelcome.

That's assault, not consensual Domination.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *trawberry-pop OP   Woman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"well it stands to reason - if someone is pushing their luck chatting, they are going to try it on when they get there. For the most my meets have been set up within a week or a couple of days. We have both/all know what each other likes and we have gone at it without issues. There has been no back and forth chats, no discussion about 'well lets try this'. Your gut is just that - trust it and don't put yourself in a situation where a meet could turn into something where boundaries could be pushed unnecessarily because you have left them open to invite. Just dont meet them in the first place "

Interesting. I never said in the OP about meeting them, it was about them saying it.

I have since said i've met people who have overstepped my boundaries, but they didn't say they were going to.

I'm not an idiot, please avoid making me out to be.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

with my little experience of the sub/dom thingymyjiggy.

I don't believe if a sub that stops you from declaring what you will do and what you won't, nor the power of speech or reaction if someone tried....

tell them to get to fuck

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

being a sub*

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville


"well it stands to reason - if someone is pushing their luck chatting, they are going to try it on when they get there. For the most my meets have been set up within a week or a couple of days. We have both/all know what each other likes and we have gone at it without issues. There has been no back and forth chats, no discussion about 'well lets try this'. Your gut is just that - trust it and don't put yourself in a situation where a meet could turn into something where boundaries could be pushed unnecessarily because you have left them open to invite. Just dont meet them in the first place

Interesting. I never said in the OP about meeting them, it was about them saying it.

I have since said i've met people who have overstepped my boundaries, but they didn't say they were going to.

I'm not an idiot, please avoid making me out to be. "

Your original post, is a single sided coin. It is a hypothetical statement. It is presupposing that someone messaging has the intention of doing something bad. Now when the next word in your OP is "rapey" - you are getting into quite heavy language, so you'll have to excuse my obvious remarks about not meeting people who try to push boundaries that people aren't comfortable with - hypothetical or not. Rapey statements - causally said or not, are not that good a statement to be throwing around.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *trawberry-pop OP   Woman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"well it stands to reason - if someone is pushing their luck chatting, they are going to try it on when they get there. For the most my meets have been set up within a week or a couple of days. We have both/all know what each other likes and we have gone at it without issues. There has been no back and forth chats, no discussion about 'well lets try this'. Your gut is just that - trust it and don't put yourself in a situation where a meet could turn into something where boundaries could be pushed unnecessarily because you have left them open to invite. Just dont meet them in the first place

Interesting. I never said in the OP about meeting them, it was about them saying it.

I have since said i've met people who have overstepped my boundaries, but they didn't say they were going to.

I'm not an idiot, please avoid making me out to be.

Your original post, is a single sided coin. It is a hypothetical statement. It is presupposing that someone messaging has the intention of doing something bad. Now when the next word in your OP is "rapey" - you are getting into quite heavy language, so you'll have to excuse my obvious remarks about not meeting people who try to push boundaries that people aren't comfortable with - hypothetical or not. Rapey statements - causally said or not, are not that good a statement to be throwing around. "

They're not nice to receive in private messages either, or to happen in reality.

Are you done?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *trawberry-pop OP   Woman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"with my little experience of the sub/dom thingymyjiggy.

I don't believe if a sub that stops you from declaring what you will do and what you won't, nor the power of speech or reaction if someone tried....

tell them to get to fuck"

I'm not a sub anyway, so a guy wouldn't even have that to hide behind.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville


"well it stands to reason - if someone is pushing their luck chatting, they are going to try it on when they get there. For the most my meets have been set up within a week or a couple of days. We have both/all know what each other likes and we have gone at it without issues. There has been no back and forth chats, no discussion about 'well lets try this'. Your gut is just that - trust it and don't put yourself in a situation where a meet could turn into something where boundaries could be pushed unnecessarily because you have left them open to invite. Just dont meet them in the first place

Interesting. I never said in the OP about meeting them, it was about them saying it.

I have since said i've met people who have overstepped my boundaries, but they didn't say they were going to.

I'm not an idiot, please avoid making me out to be.

Your original post, is a single sided coin. It is a hypothetical statement. It is presupposing that someone messaging has the intention of doing something bad. Now when the next word in your OP is "rapey" - you are getting into quite heavy language, so you'll have to excuse my obvious remarks about not meeting people who try to push boundaries that people aren't comfortable with - hypothetical or not. Rapey statements - causally said or not, are not that good a statement to be throwing around.

They're not nice to receive in private messages either, or to happen in reality.

Are you done?"

What a contorted thread.

OP, if you are getting rape messages - reporting them might be the best option. If you stated this in you original post, you may have had dramatically different answers.

Done.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *trawberry-pop OP   Woman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"well it stands to reason - if someone is pushing their luck chatting, they are going to try it on when they get there. For the most my meets have been set up within a week or a couple of days. We have both/all know what each other likes and we have gone at it without issues. There has been no back and forth chats, no discussion about 'well lets try this'. Your gut is just that - trust it and don't put yourself in a situation where a meet could turn into something where boundaries could be pushed unnecessarily because you have left them open to invite. Just dont meet them in the first place

Interesting. I never said in the OP about meeting them, it was about them saying it.

I have since said i've met people who have overstepped my boundaries, but they didn't say they were going to.

I'm not an idiot, please avoid making me out to be.

Your original post, is a single sided coin. It is a hypothetical statement. It is presupposing that someone messaging has the intention of doing something bad. Now when the next word in your OP is "rapey" - you are getting into quite heavy language, so you'll have to excuse my obvious remarks about not meeting people who try to push boundaries that people aren't comfortable with - hypothetical or not. Rapey statements - causally said or not, are not that good a statement to be throwing around.

They're not nice to receive in private messages either, or to happen in reality.

Are you done?

What a contorted thread.

OP, if you are getting rape messages - reporting them might be the best option. If you stated this in you original post, you may have had dramatically different answers.

Done.

"

Apart from that being against the forum rules.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you say you don't like something, someone saying they would do exactly that is rapey?! Or is it just me?!"

We are into quite heavy stuff but we have limits. If people think they can go beyond our limits everything stops, we get dressed and we leave. Simple as that.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top