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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Ok, there's a few threads starting that are relating to actions that others have found oppressive, abusive, aggressive or just plain obnoxious.

whilst i appreciate we all make mistakes and we all learn as we go along, at what point do we, as adults, start to take responsibility for our actions?

why is the blame always one sided and the finger pointed at others?

would it be worthwhile a page being set up advising folk how to play and stay safe whilst swinging...and what are your tips to make sure you keep safe?

i appreciate it's impossible to be 100% safe without abstinence, so some common sense approaches?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I must confess...I am one of those who do the boring ping-pong messages, I would not dream of giving out my mobile number or even personal email address until I knew someone very well, as for my home address, that would not be given until a meet had happened and another was arranged....and I would NEVER consider meeting anyone after swapping a few messages....some seek the thrill of impromtu meets, I don't as my safety is paramount...and yes, I still get a big kick out of meeting guys even after all my getting to know you messages have occured.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

safe sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very! lol...

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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago

Livingston

I am one that subscribes to email ping-pong till i feel I "know" you enough to meet you. I will give you my "number" but it is a payg one that I can swap over every few weeks.

you meet me in a public place the first time, and there will always be someone who knows where i am, and will have seen your pic, and more often than not there is actually someone IN the place I am meeting you that knows, we will leave separately and you will never give me a lift home.

Shoud you subsequently be invited to my house for a second meet, there again will always be someone who will know you are there, and your car registration number will be taken, my back up has a key for my house and can get in at any time.

This may seem a bit extreme, but my safety is paramount. I would expect any man to take the same precautions cos there are some freaky women out there too.

Fook, I scare myself sometimes!!

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Duration of communication is no guarantee of safety… it only puts off the impatient.

My reasoning behind this… paedophiles have the patience to groom their victims for months. In fact history proves the most deviant people who commit the most hideous of crimes all have one thing in common…. patience.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I am one that subscribes to email ping-pong till i feel I "know" you enough to meet you. I will give you my "number" but it is a payg one that I can swap over every few weeks.

you meet me in a public place the first time, and there will always be someone who knows where i am, and will have seen your pic, and more often than not there is actually someone IN the place I am meeting you that knows, we will leave separately and you will never give me a lift home.

Shoud you subsequently be invited to my house for a second meet, there again will always be someone who will know you are there, and your car registration number will be taken, my back up has a key for my house and can get in at any time.

This may seem a bit extreme, but my safety is paramount. I would expect any man to take the same precautions cos there are some freaky women out there too.

Fook, I scare myself sometimes!!"

It's not at all extreme...and i do believe genuine guys will respect that too.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Duration of communication is no guarantee of safety… it only puts off the impatient.

My reasoning behind this… paedophiles have the patience to groom their victims for months. In fact history proves the most deviant people who commit the most hideous of crimes all have one thing in common…. patience.

"

perhaps, but i subscribe to what _muma does and never had a bad meet....as i said, there's no 100% safe way of doing it, but there are ways of minimalising risk

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By *heWolfMan
over a year ago

warwickshire


"In fact history proves the most deviant people who commit the most hideous of crimes all have one thing in common…. patience.

"

Or, in the case of Dr Shipman or Beverly Allitt, "patients".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A long profile with a password at the end definitely works for me, as it filters out the ones who cannot be bothered or are impatient to read.

Applying the appropriate filters so that my profile cannot be viewed unless registered and signed on to FAB, or newbies, means I only get a handful of messages per day if any at all.

These allow me to out the undesirables and concentrate on those with real potentials.

I do not mind chatting via PMs, MSNs, phone, text messages, exchange photos, until such time when I feel comfortable to meet the person.

If the gent is impatient, and does not like ping pong messages, and that I am taking too long to meet etc., then he is free to walk away with no hard feelings.

If at any point I get a negative gut feel about a person, I would tell him that I am unlikely to go any further with him.

However, if he wishes to continue to chat via PMs then he is welcomed to do so, providing he does not turn into a pest.

I have not had any bad experience that scared me or dented my confidence.

If a meet was not successful, I would walk away and reflect on what I could have done differently to prevent similar occurrence.

No one ever forces me to do anything against my will ever since I was old enough to make my own decisions.

I am responsible for my own actions and reactions.

If I make a bad decision that results in a mistake or error being made, I shall learn from it pronto!

My 2p!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"A long profile with a password at the end definitely works for me, as it filters out the ones who cannot be bothered or are impatient to read.

Applying the appropriate filters so that my profile cannot be viewed unless registered and signed on to FAB, or newbies, means I only get a handful of messages per day if any at all.

These allow me to out the undesirables and concentrate on those with real potentials.

I do not mind chatting via PMs, MSNs, phone, text messages, exchange photos, until such time when I feel comfortable to meet the person.

If the gent is impatient, and does not like ping pong messages, and that I am taking too long to meet etc., then he is free to walk away with no hard feelings.

If at any point I get a negative gut feel about a person, I would tell him that I am unlikely to go any further with him.

However, if he wishes to continue to chat via PMs then he is welcomed to do so, providing he does not turn into a pest.

I have not had any bad experience that scared me or dented my confidence.

If a meet was not successful, I would walk away and reflect on what I could have done differently to prevent similar occurrence.

No one ever forces me to do anything against my will ever since I was old enough to make my own decisions.

I am responsible for my own actions and reactions.

If I make a bad decision that results in a mistake or error being made, I shall learn from it pronto!

My 2p! "

well said!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" I would expect any man to take the same precautions cos there are some freaky women out there too.

"

Thankyou.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


" I would expect any man to take the same precautions cos there are some freaky women out there too.

Thankyou.

"

the thread was never gender specific...nor was it solely aimed at singles

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh


"I am one that subscribes to email ping-pong till i feel I "know" you enough to meet you. I will give you my "number" but it is a payg one that I can swap over every few weeks.

you meet me in a public place the first time, and there will always be someone who knows where i am, and will have seen your pic, and more often than not there is actually someone IN the place I am meeting you that knows, we will leave separately and you will never give me a lift home.

Shoud you subsequently be invited to my house for a second meet, there again will always be someone who will know you are there, and your car registration number will be taken, my back up has a key for my house and can get in at any time.

This may seem a bit extreme, but my safety is paramount. I would expect any man to take the same precautions cos there are some freaky women out there too.

Fook, I scare myself sometimes!!"

That pretty much covers it for me too!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

in the middle of fucking in a club one guy started asking me if he could see me alone.

Solution ..... natural one, turned me right off ... so got up and left the room but it's trouble cos had to persuade Tiger that reporting it to the managers was sufficient action. Kinda spoils the evening.

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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago

Livingston


" I would expect any man to take the same precautions cos there are some freaky women out there too.

Thankyou.

the thread was never gender specific...nor was it solely aimed at singles"

I totally agree that it should never be gender specific or status specific. Surely if I get speaking to a guy and invite him to my hous, it must be just as scarey. how does he know he is meeting me - I could have set him up with 7 axe murderers (Not that I would, I only know 4 )

but my point is and as I said, it is not just females that have to take care. In this day and age, unless we put specific backk-ups in place, are ANY OF US really safe??

I got into swinging a fair few years ago and met a guy for a drink in a public place - quite far from my house. 6 months later, he starter sending stuf to my house, could tell me what shops I had been in, what I had bought, could even tell me about my daughter (which really scared me - I can handle myself). I ended up going to court and taking a restraining order out on him). So hence, yes i do go to extremes at times, but for good reason.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


" I would expect any man to take the same precautions cos there are some freaky women out there too.

Thankyou.

the thread was never gender specific...nor was it solely aimed at singles

I totally agree that it should never be gender specific or status specific. Surely if I get speaking to a guy and invite him to my hous, it must be just as scarey. how does he know he is meeting me - I could have set him up with 7 axe murderers (Not that I would, I only know 4 )

but my point is and as I said, it is not just females that have to take care. In this day and age, unless we put specific backk-ups in place, are ANY OF US really safe??

I got into swinging a fair few years ago and met a guy for a drink in a public place - quite far from my house. 6 months later, he starter sending stuf to my house, could tell me what shops I had been in, what I had bought, could even tell me about my daughter (which really scared me - I can handle myself). I ended up going to court and taking a restraining order out on him). So hence, yes i do go to extremes at times, but for good reason."

that is scary....i'd hate them to know about my kids...totally separate.

it's good we're all wiser for it and i hope some folk are getting some tips!

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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago

Livingston

thanks Dances. Thankfully it was a few years ago and was not on FAB, but it's an experience I will never forget xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" I would expect any man to take the same precautions cos there are some freaky women out there too.

Thankyou.

the thread was never gender specific...nor was it solely aimed at singles"

I know

A good thread, well conceived with some excellent replies.

Kept my 2p worth deliberately simple to both agree with what you and others are saying and

to give a subtle heads up to any guys out there... without hijacking the thread.

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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago

Livingston


" I would expect any man to take the same precautions cos there are some freaky women out there too.

Thankyou.

the thread was never gender specific...nor was it solely aimed at singles

I know

A good thread, well conceived with some excellent replies.

Kept my 2p worth deliberately simple to both agree with what you and others are saying and

to give a subtle heads up to any guys out there... without hijacking the thread.

"

again, not just to guys, but to all of us!!!!

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

I have not had any really bad experiences... thought I have encountered a few twats over the years.

I can generally tell if I am interested in meet someone in under 5 questions, sometimes 3 (and none of you need bother asking what those questions are... if I posted them they won't work) any other communication is just about build up to the questions or a build up to the meet.

Hand on heart, the twats who managed to get under the radar have all been people who I started talking to without asking any of the questions... because the communication started for other reasons and evolved.

However... I always make sure there has been communication via a phone, that I have another online point of contact,I have photos of their face on my pc. Also if I am going to theirs, I have the address on google map, leave the details on an open tab on my pc and that they know there is a trail which leads back to them.... however, this sort of information is required when it's too late, but at least it makes it easier for the police to track them down.

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest


" leave the details on an open tab on my pc "

I never thought about that, thats a really good idea...

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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago

Livingston

To bring this back round slightly, I think we all put certain "security measures" in place in that we are all meeting strangers, whether it be for a drink or for something more.

At the end of the day, we can only use our own common sense in what is right/wrong/gut feeling.

I can only go by what I have been through previously that one time, but have honestly had so many wonderful meets through fab.

But at the end of the day... whether you are a single female, single male, couple, TV/CD, Just take that extra few minutes to think it through and stay safe xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

one thing i always do is carry a wide selection of new condoms and insist on using my own. if none of the ones i have are suitable, then nothing happens and i leave.

maria

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

But at the end of the day... whether you are a single female, single male, couple, TV/CD, Just take that extra few minutes to think it through and stay safe xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"

Wot she said people.

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By *arambarMan
over a year ago

swindon


"one thing i always do is carry a wide selection of new condoms and insist on using my own. if none of the ones i have are suitable, then nothing happens and i leave.

maria"
That's sensible.

I would also suggest that if you're meeting someone socially for a drink you avoid going to the toilet before you've finished your drink to avoid your drink being spiked. Similarly, if you need to pee and the other person is buying a round then you should ask them to wait until you're back from the toilet before getting the round in.

I'm sure some people will think this is extreme, but I know someone who's drink was spiked when she was on a (non-swinging) night out. She didn't realise just how easy it was for someone to put something in her drink until it was too late.

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By *uro anchorMan
over a year ago

Coventry


"one thing i always do is carry a wide selection of new condoms and insist on using my own. if none of the ones i have are suitable, then nothing happens and i leave.

mariaThat's sensible.

I would also suggest that if you're meeting someone socially for a drink you avoid going to the toilet before you've finished your drink to avoid your drink being spiked. Similarly, if you need to pee and the other person is buying a round then you should ask them to wait until you're back from the toilet before getting the round in.

I'm sure some people will think this is extreme, but I know someone who's drink was spiked when she was on a (non-swinging) night out. She didn't realise just how easy it was for someone to put something in her drink until it was too late. "

maybe i trust people too much.. never really thought about safty.. but then never had a problem.. maybe different if i got myself a stalker but just dont see that happening..

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By *uttyMan
over a year ago

Local to you maybe

When I'm going on a meet I always make sure a friend knows where I am at, a text to let them know I'm there and a text to let them know I've arrived home safe. Something I have always done for my own safety.

Must admit I do the email ping pong, gives me a chance to suss ppl out

But all said, safety is paramount for anyone, male or female.

A keyword in a text to let them know things aren't right works wonders.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some good advice in this thread folks.... glad to see everyone playing safe!

S.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me, this site and others I'm on are purely for fantasy fun. I don't want to be bombarded by hundreds of men, so I set every filter the site provides to ensure I cut down on mail.

I can tell within the first two words of a message if I'll correspond with the sender. I too like to exchange a few messages before taking the correspondence off site. I then like to talk on the phone: voices are important to me. If a guy looked like Daniel Craig but sounded like Joe Pasquale, then it would be a no!

I'm also looking for a submissive man: you'd be surprised how many claim to be, but their tone and manner when speaking to me gives them away, so it ends their.

Naturally some get through my filters and I arrange to meet them. Meets are ALWAYS social for the first one. I also meet at lunch time near my office to limit the time of the first meet. If it goes well I say I'd like to meet again and arrange a day.

Before giving my address I ask for theirs and a land line number. If they are reluctant to give it, it's not a problem, they don't get mine and end of communication.

I share my house with my daughters. Suppose someone overpowered me and sat in wait for my daughters to come home? I need to know who I'm opening my door to and I expect them to let someone know where they are. They're coming to meet someone who likes restraints, blindfolds and blunt objects. They don't know what I could get up to when they're in a vulnerable position!

I've never had a bad experience per se. I meet men I feel comfortable with and find attractive.

This is ALL about me. I can't imagine playing with someone I've not met but felt obliged because they turned up as my self esteem was so low! I'm 100% responsible for me: I can't imagine relinquishing that to someone else! We need to be responsible for ourselves: don't let your sexual organs make the decisions!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

...so it ends "there" even!

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By *nvictusMan
over a year ago

Beeston

Great thread Dances. Bumping it so the Day Shift can read it too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Great thread Dances. Bumping it so the Day Shift can read it too. "

Bump...

Hands back to the night shift.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As part of a couple I do feel safe but I do agree that we all need to be vigilent.

I would never play at home, I just wouldnt trust a stranger with my home address and also home is a safe haven for me, my real life, this is my fantasy life. In a hotel or a swinging club at least you are not entirely alone, there is someone there to hear if you need to call out.

Perverts do come on a site like this, anywhere where sex is on offer, men who dont really know where to draw the line. some men are just odd, they dont integrate with people very well and I have seen a few posts by guys that I'd never go near in a million years, just get that certain feel about them. Also some messages received, you get a vibe about what kind of person they are, usually very explicit from the off, cant really hold a conversation without sex being mentioned, usually quite graphic.

Its not foolproof by any stretch of the imagination, not just men either. Grooming does take place. I wouldnt like to put pics up on a public profile with toys in the background - blatently advertising you have young children, that kind of thing. Though in forums we all mention little personal things about ourselves, I have done so tonight, its natural to assume that everyone is nice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I forgot to mention that if and when I need to seek advice before making a decision, I would do my best to verify the source of any information that may come my way, before making my decision based on all the available information at the time.

If I make the wrong decision, it is down to me not doing the homework properly, not because I have been given duff information.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i also forgot to mention that i never get in someone elses car, but i do make it obvious i am making a note of the number plate and texting it to a friend.

i was grateful for this bit of extra security recently when i met a guy for a daytime first meet in a bar. (when i meet someone on my own, there are 3 places i like to meet, all of which have multiple exits.)

i arrived early and received a text saying he couldnt park so would i join him outside so we could find somewhere else. i said that i was happy to wait for him to park, there is no hurry. he calls a few minutes later saying the same thing, and again another 3 times.

when he eventually finds a limited time parking space and meets me at the bar, he doesnt like this place so can we go somewhere else?

we had a quick drink, i said that we were not compatible, then i left through the opposite door to him, then blocked him when i got home.

i knew i was safe and had taken all precautions, including getting my own drink before he arrived. but i did wonder how many times that ploy had worked on other ladies. especially ones that may have been impressed by what sounded like a rather fancy car!

maria

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would only ever meet someone on site I had been chatting to for a while. When I met one guy I made sure to tell my friends (also on this site)who I was meeting and where I was going. I have since met this guy again but would never have him back to my home. In fact, the reason why I would never accomodate is down to me having 3 daughters and wanting to keep them safe.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you want to survive or make sure they are caught if you are harmed or worse ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you want to survive or make sure they are caught if you are harmed or worse ?"

Survive...

But if my instinct is wrong... at least they cant do it to the next poor sod.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Anyone see hollyoaks tonight?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Errm... No?

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By *heWolfMan
over a year ago

warwickshire


"i was grateful for this bit of extra security recently when i met a guy for a daytime first meet in a bar. (when i meet someone on my own, there are 3 places i like to meet, all of which have multiple exits.)

i arrived early and received a text saying he couldnt park so would i join him outside so we could find somewhere else. i said that i was happy to wait for him to park, there is no hurry. he calls a few minutes later saying the same thing, and again another 3 times.

when he eventually finds a limited time parking space and meets me at the bar, he doesnt like this place so can we go somewhere else?

we had a quick drink, i said that we were not compatible, then i left through the opposite door to him, then blocked him when i got home.

i knew i was safe and had taken all precautions, including getting my own drink before he arrived. but i did wonder how many times that ploy had worked on other ladies. especially ones that may have been impressed by what sounded like a rather fancy car!

maria"

Do women on sites like this really get impressed by flash cars? I would have thought most here aren't that naiive.

Maybe that bar, one of your three preferences, to the casual observer who has never been there before, is actually a bit of a shithouse? Situated right next-door to Specsavers on one side, and Netto on the other, maybe he really really didn't feel happy leaving his pride and joy in a carpark to get scraped by Mr Magoo, or nicked by some scrotes who were eyeing him up as he looked for a good parking space.

I feel pretty sure that more people have had their car damaged or stolen whilst parked up outside a bar than women being sexually assaulted by a stranger who has spiked their drink after arranging a meet on a Swingers site.

Maybe he thought that you were lining him up for a bump on the head and his wallet/keys taken from him, after all, why would you be so keen to be in the one particular venue? Obviously you were amongst friends there; friends he couldn't easily spot watching you; concealed friends, and that immediately would cause alarm, no-one likes being secretly observed, do they?

Maybe a person would be less likely to call the police straight away if they had to explain why they were there before they got robbed? How would he explain it to his Mrs? Maybe a villain would have a greater chance of getting away with the loot if they exploit such a situation, after all, for men, where sex is involved, all common sense goes out of the window? It's called a Honey Trap for a very good reason.

See how things can develop if you are the suspicious kind?

I'm not criticising you, you must absolutely do whatever makes you feel comfortable, your safety is paramount. I'm just saying his behaviour doesn't sound any dodgier than yours...

All that said, I agree with all of the people who have said to go with gut instinct. I firmly believe that if you look into someone's eyes and shake their hand, you can tell straight away if there is something not quite right, in which case, leave.

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By *umcoveredpussyCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

we just take police with us then we no were safe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ok, there's a few threads starting that are relating to actions that others have found oppressive, abusive, aggressive or just plain obnoxious.

whilst i appreciate we all make mistakes and we all learn as we go along, at what point do we, as adults, start to take responsibility for our actions?

why is the blame always one sided and the finger pointed at others?

would it be worthwhile a page being set up advising folk how to play and stay safe whilst swinging...and what are your tips to make sure you keep safe?

i appreciate it's impossible to be 100% safe without abstinence, so some common sense approaches?"

your a breath of fresh air lady xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

your a breath of fresh air lady xx"

thank you kindly x

..and to everyone that contributed to the thread also, picked up tips here that I never considered.

and to all that do exercise caution, I'm pleased to see that you realise you can never be too extreme and to all those out there that are genuine, the benefits of this is two-fold and hopefully both parties are having a fun, safe time.

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