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Ever been 'outed' for lifestyle?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So, as I'm sure if the same for many people, who have friends who get it, and friends who don't. We were getting into the lifestyle, chatting to a few different people, no meets (well someone not turning up!) but a bit of online play/ and dare I say BDSM training

Anyway, a bit of background. (skip to end to get to point/ is this right section for this?)

On a night out with my wifes friends (like 1st time I had been out with them, and they are grade 1 prudes), my wife got a bit d*unk, and after a bit of misunderstanding she went up to the bar and started chatting up this guy who tbh intimidated the fuck out of me (like 6ft6, built, tattoos etc). Anyway, after like 10 mins, all her friends are just looking at me, I'm just feeling really uncomfortable and before my wife comes back over, one of her friends goes over to her, says a couple of things to her and drags her away.

Anyway, my wife realises that its awkward and ends up telling them that I asked her to go up, and that we mess around a bit. They just look at us with disgust!

So anyway, one of the girls is my wifes new best mate (she hadn't been living in Swansea for that long) and was actually to be a brides made at her wedding. She's a bit off with my wife but they are still friendly ect. About 2 weeks after the wedding, my wife asks her whats up, and she just gets pissy with her.

My wife was upset so deleted her on Facebook - fuck me, this girl took it like she had fucked her husband and just went mental, totally slating us all over her Facebook. I thought it was just a tiff, so put something on my Facebook during my lunch hours about 'funny how people can be friends one day and not the next'

I have a professional job, and getting a text from someone you don't know that well in work, that I might want to delete the post because its looking pretty bad gets a bit worrying! The girl went fucking mental, and in the space of 2hrs made about 40 posts (so its now appearing at the top off everyone's feeds) about how we are fucking disgusting, saying my wife is sleeping around, shit about me, about the lifestyle, like really bad shit! When you start getting PM's from people on the other side of the world, you know a lot of people have seen it!

We of course ended up blocking her, and all the other accounts she was using! We were actually heading away for the weekend, and ended up seeing 3 of my cousins who had all seen it, and my aunt, and then when I got back to work people were talking about it - so were the car guys I know and even my sisters had seen it which means my parents know

Well we just put a brave face on it, called her a crazy bitch, pointed out were in their wedding photos (ha ha!!) and just tried to laugh it off. Well, because of this now my wife is really nervous about the whole thing, and hence the profile/ me doing the forum talk.

Anyone else gone through anything similar? And on a side note, if you did see this on FB, its us! Say hi!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's bad man I feel sorry for you guys just gotta get on with it though screw other people

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

If someone asks I just shrug and say I don't know what they're talking about. I mean, no-one has ever lied about anyone else ever, surely?

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Blimey! That's tough to deal with! I'd blag it and neither confirm nor deny anything. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone and if you do, I'd go down the crazy nutter route.

I don't have the problem cause I don't really care who knows. My sex life isn't anyone else's business. I hate dirty laundry being aired in public though, that would make me mad but I'd still rise above it. Good luck!

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Wow!

Sounds stressy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Surely she's just made herself look like a tit more than any reflection on you guys?

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

No, as I don't feel the need to share my *private* life with all and sundry.

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

All that because she talked to a man in a bar???

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum


"All that because she talked to a man in a bar???

"

Some people are Olympic level at jumping to conclusions.

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"All that because she talked to a man in a bar???

Some people are Olympic level at jumping to conclusions."

Please state the evidence to support this...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Well, not quite. Because we were both d*unk we started explaining ourselves (which we shouldn't have done) and it obviously just made things worse. Like these people are complete prudes, my wife sat on her fiancé's lap earlier in the day and another time she did kiss one of her male friends at a party (oh fuck me!lol).Also, some other girlfriends are more cool about it (I had my fingers crossed lols) so my wife talked to them more about it and I'm sure they were probably talking about it once they knew.

Like I said, she just went absolutely totally overboard batshit crazy about the whole thing - genuinely she acted like my wife had been fucking her husband!

Yes very stressy, yes she looked like an utter nutter!

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

The more nutter, the less credible.

Any way you can wind her up further?

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By *ischief ManagedCouple
over a year ago

manchester

Fuck em, your having fun they aint. "Dont knock anything till youve tried it " Lifes to short ....

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By *illyjohnyCouple
over a year ago

brighton

Maybe she is insecure about her husband and now feels threatened by your wife ?

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum


"All that because she talked to a man in a bar???

Some people are Olympic level at jumping to conclusions.

Please state the evidence to support this..."

I meant the woman, not you.

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

Blimey!

I got outed at my outlaws Xmas dinner 7 years ago, if it's any consolation.

I wanted the ground to swallow me up :/

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Yeh I don't think she was really helping herself!

TBH we didn't bite, I didn't reply at all on her FB page and just kept asking her/ them to leave us alone.

Jillyjohny - yeh I think that plays a part of it. She isn't my type, but looks a lot like Cheryl Cole (or whatever her name is these days!).

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By *ivinefoxWoman
over a year ago

Coventry

Personally I don't talk about this side of my life to most people, as I've found some people can be pretty judgemental. I also keep play activities to online or in clubs, it's different in the 'real world'. Have had a few negative reactions so now just do what I want but in private. Keeps things simpler to compartmentalise I find.

I feel for you tho, and being outed and slagged off on Facebook is the worst!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldnt ever tell our social friends about our sex life fun. I have seen it too often when a shared secret is public news the moment a back is turned.

We had an incident while we were living elsewhere. Bumped into a guy from work in a club and joked that this stays in the club... but come Monday, he was all winks and quiet comments. Not digs or anything, but he obviously wanted to talk about it - which I did not! Especially at work!

It made me very uncomfortable - I also worried who else he would mention it to. A single guy going to a club would get laughed off at work as "boys being boys" but if it got round about my wife being greedy, it would make things very awkward at works events.

Luckily about a month later I transferred back South and will stick to our new rule of NEVER playing in our home town again! (which is a shame as a new club has opened here which is meant to be really good!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yup; a friend of my ex (as in ex of two+ years ago) recognised me and saw fit for whatever reason to tell my ex. He promptly turned up at my office to 'discuss' it with me and I've been trying to manage his emotional fall out for the last few months. Oddly, his friend has gone to ground so I can't verbally throttle the interfering a-hole. All rather tiresome and unfortunate.

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By *helbeeCouple
over a year ago

Nuneaton

No one has ever asked me about my sexlife apart from work collegues banter an they know im going through the last bit of the divorce..they know im not interested in dating they joke around bit its light hearted. .also none of my friends know i have this swinging lifestyle . They would be shocked tbh as they think im so innocent like butter wouldn't melt lol ..so due to the divorce ie no one ie friends suspect im doing nsa or have this lifestyle plus its none of their business..They know im gothic an dress different thats about it really..

im so sorry op your going through this im sure it will pass. Some people are not understanding..or open minded..

i hope this passes for you ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got outed a couple of years ago on fb too, but what annoyed me more than someone can be so vindictive and show their true selves and what kind of person they really are.

So you are better off without them, just enjoy your lives and it will soon be tomorrow's news.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Maybe she is insecure about her husband and now feels threatened by your wife ?"

Not sure how people can be 'outed' if they were d*unkenly telling anyone who would listen and sitting in men's laps.

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By *ittenbutnotshyCouple
over a year ago

North Manchester

We live in a small village, about 6 months ago we were set up (honey trap profile), it ended up with a reporter knocking on the door (twice in fact). Went to see a solicitor friend who told us he had heard the rumours also. Didn't bother me too much as I don't really give a shit what people think of me, F however was mortified. Ending up deleting our original profile, it was a few weeks before we got back into it. The only advice I can offer the OP is don't rise to it, laugh it of and deny deny deny, people will get bored and it will all just quieten down. Sorry to hear about your misfortune.

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By *ransGuyTV/TS
over a year ago

Cardiff

[Removed by poster at 07/10/15 08:36:06]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did they run an article?

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By *ransGuyTV/TS
over a year ago

Cardiff

It's similar to how bullies work- they do it for the control and reaction. If you don't give them the control or reaction they want, they get bored and bugger off.

Personally I have a "Yeah, and?" attitude, it's no big deal so why make a big deal out of it? If I run away embarrassed then that is letting others control what I do and how I feel about how I want to live *my OWN life*. And shows them that they are right and it is something wrong and "dirty" and something I *should* be embarrassed about.

So you want to have some fun in this hell hole we call life? Big deal. Be proud for realising that you are humans, animals, creatures that enjoy sex, and leave the crazies standing there open mouthed thinking "Oh, they don't care, well, that's boring."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/10/15 12:07:00]

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By *ittenbutnotshyCouple
over a year ago

North Manchester


"Did they run an article?"

No, fortunately they had nothing they were just fishing for information. F was savvy enough not to crack and show them there was anything worth pursuing. A phone call from our solicitor probably put them off too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Did they run an article?

No, fortunately they had nothing they were just fishing for information. F was savvy enough not to crack and show them there was anything worth pursuing. A phone call from our solicitor probably put them off too."

You wouldn't want it for the world about yourself but really is it even a story!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's not nice of her,sounds like a right fucking cow.

People will soon forget about it.

Explain to wife its your business what you do and you two are happy

Fuck the haters mate

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By *ittenbutnotshyCouple
over a year ago

North Manchester


"Did they run an article?

No, fortunately they had nothing they were just fishing for information. F was savvy enough not to crack and show them there was anything worth pursuing. A phone call from our solicitor probably put them off too.

You wouldn't want it for the world about yourself but really is it even a story!!"

It was just a malicious attempt at discrediting us in our area, started incidentally by a guy (she knows offsite) who was pursuing F and didn't like it when she turned him down repeatedly. He passed on the information to a group of people who harboured a grudge against us.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Get where you are coming from but don't really see sitting on someones lap as anything and that was like at the start of the night (as opposed to d*unkenly all over them at 1am), plus we weren't telling everyone, just a couple of people because wrongly we felt (or at least my wife did) that we had to explain ourselves, which I acknowledge wasn't needed.

Cheers for the support from peeps btw, and interesting to know others have gone through this kinda thing.

We are pretty much over it, (bar my wife worrying about getting back into it), when we think about it now we just laugh that were in all her wedding photos

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Wow thats pretty shit!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Get where you are coming from but don't really see sitting on someones lap as anything and that was like at the start of the night (as opposed to d*unkenly all over them at 1am), plus we weren't telling everyone, just a couple of people because wrongly we felt (or at least my wife did) that we had to explain ourselves, which I acknowledge wasn't needed.

Cheers for the support from peeps btw, and interesting to know others have gone through this kinda thing.

We are pretty much over it, (bar my wife worrying about getting back into it), when we think about it now we just laugh that were in all her wedding photos "

Now it's kind of out there you have less to worry about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So, as I'm sure if the same for many people, who have friends who get it, and friends who don't. We were getting into the lifestyle, chatting to a few different people, no meets (well someone not turning up!) but a bit of online play/ and dare I say BDSM training

Anyway, a bit of background. (skip to end to get to point/ is this right section for this?)

On a night out with my wifes friends (like 1st time I had been out with them, and they are grade 1 prudes), my wife got a bit d*unk, and after a bit of misunderstanding she went up to the bar and started chatting up this guy who tbh intimidated the fuck out of me (like 6ft6, built, tattoos etc). Anyway, after like 10 mins, all her friends are just looking at me, I'm just feeling really uncomfortable and before my wife comes back over, one of her friends goes over to her, says a couple of things to her and drags her away.

Anyway, my wife realises that its awkward and ends up telling them that I asked her to go up, and that we mess around a bit. They just look at us with disgust!

So anyway, one of the girls is my wifes new best mate (she hadn't been living in Swansea for that long) and was actually to be a brides made at her wedding. She's a bit off with my wife but they are still friendly ect. About 2 weeks after the wedding, my wife asks her whats up, and she just gets pissy with her.

My wife was upset so deleted her on Facebook - fuck me, this girl took it like she had fucked her husband and just went mental, totally slating us all over her Facebook. I thought it was just a tiff, so put something on my Facebook during my lunch hours about 'funny how people can be friends one day and not the next'

I have a professional job, and getting a text from someone you don't know that well in work, that I might want to delete the post because its looking pretty bad gets a bit worrying! The girl went fucking mental, and in the space of 2hrs made about 40 posts (so its now appearing at the top off everyone's feeds) about how we are fucking disgusting, saying my wife is sleeping around, shit about me, about the lifestyle, like really bad shit! When you start getting PM's from people on the other side of the world, you know a lot of people have seen it!

We of course ended up blocking her, and all the other accounts she was using! We were actually heading away for the weekend, and ended up seeing 3 of my cousins who had all seen it, and my aunt, and then when I got back to work people were talking about it - so were the car guys I know and even my sisters had seen it which means my parents know

Well we just put a brave face on it, called her a crazy bitch, pointed out were in their wedding photos (ha ha!!) and just tried to laugh it off. Well, because of this now my wife is really nervous about the whole thing, and hence the profile/ me doing the forum talk.

Anyone else gone through anything similar? And on a side note, if you did see this on FB, its us! Say hi!!!"
wow hey that's why I don't have facebook deleted it from phone ,businesses use it to keep a check on their workforce I don't like it ,yours is quite an extreme example of what can go wrong mind

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