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Discretion and Privacy

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

What are your _iews and interpretations of the words privacy and discretion? For instance if the profile of a single male or female states a wish for discretion do you assume they are, in fact, ‘attached’ and playing away?

If photographs are taken during a meet and the other party asks you not to display them on your profile would you feel indignant and offended? Some would prefer what they get up to in the privacy of their own home, or that of a playmate, to remain between the participants. If photographs are taken allegedly “for personal/private use” should they not remain a private memento between those who were actually present?

If you provide someone with a verification after a meeting and they choose not to display it on their profile, are you offended? A verification resulting from a ‘meeting in person’ shows that a profile is that of a genuine member, that they actually exist as stated and that they have played. If someone does not want to display a verification (and broadcast to the site every time they play and who they've played with) but they do want the ‘verification tick’ is that wrong?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its not always thay are married could be there job, Could be have a girl friend or have friends here thay dont wish them to see what thay are up too... discretion. Pics, If you have pics taken on a meet make sure before taken rules. Some will send to you in a zip file or email But you need to chat about this before taking pics as not everyone is truthfull and maybe offended seeing them on a profile or on the net no telling where thay may end up. Verifcations , Some will hide as thay know there play mates will mail people thay meet and dont like it. Some will hide as thay play loads dont wish to look like thay sleep around loads. Some will hide as dont think the womans really in the same class as them . Some will hide as have fuck buddies here who think thay only meet with them . Some will hide as think its nothing to do with other people who thay meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me, not at all. I've only recently started to display mine and wouldn't mind if others still don't.

I wasn't keen on the idea of other people knowing who I've met. But changed my mind recently having decided no one is probably looking at that - I know I don't

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personal choice.

Discretion is very much part of the overall respect in my opinion. Some are more discreet than others, it's not about right or wrong, it's just about meeting people who have a similar _iew on it as you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Discretion to me means not talking about my performance between the sheets openly with other people.

It does not necessarily means a person seeking discretion is attached or married.

With regard to taking photos during a meet, it has to be agreed by both/all parties involved, and ground rules set in advance.

It is courteous to block/edit out the other parties involved in photos for public _iewing, unless one has expressed permission from them to display the photos without edition.

There is no written rule to say one must display a verification provided by another person.

One can be verified by different means, phone, webcam and in person. All these provide a person to person interaction.

I see nothing wrong for one not to display his/her verifications.

I personally do not display mine, as they are for my personal enjoyment only.

One should not rely on verifications alone in order to decide whether to meet a person or not.

Verifications should be treated as one of the tools in a tool box to ascertain if a person is worth meeting. Other tools include exchanging PMs, MSN, photos, and phone conversations.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/12/10 11:26:55]

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Discretion is key in this game... too many blab about meets & their home lives.

A dignified silence wouldn't go a miss at times..

my 2p worth xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reassuring to know that I'm not the only one with these sort of problems

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To me discretion is paramount....What I get up to and with whom, when or where is purely between myself and that party.....Its not up for open discussion/disection/comments. If other people don't like that and want to conjecture on my situation..go ahead..doesn't bother me!

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago


"Discretion is key in this game... too many blab about meets & their home lives.

A dignified silence wouldn't go a miss at times..

my 2p worth xx "

Totally agree,I have never had any problems with any of the people we have met,we all know where we stand regarding veris,pics ect because its all discussed before hand,we're very private about who how and when we play,because I don't see it as being anything to do with anyone else but ourselves and our playmates and thats how it will always be

Ive seen behaviour on here that just confirms that how we do things will never change

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I am wary and discreet so, on more than one occasion, have I been accused of being ‘attached’ (despite having accommodated on meets and being verified!). I do not send out face photos to just anyone who asks for one nor do I accept friends invites from all and sundry so they say I have something to hide when I say "No thanks".

I have also become wary because, despite discussing it beforehand etc, I have had at least two occasion after a meet where couples have failed/refused to send me copies of photos taken during a meet that I hosted. One couple even then had the gall to display a photo of me and ‘the wife’ on their profile page.

On the last note I was not sure if I was breaking some sort of swinging convention by not displaying verifications received. I was already had verified and so did not see the need to display yet more but the couple sending it seemed to think it a slur, deleted my verification to them and me from their friends list. I got the impression that I was some sort of trophy they had wanted displayed on their profile.

It would seem that finding people of a like mind is not easy even on a swinging site where we are supposed to be a little more broad-minded than the rest of the mainstream population

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tend to _iew the word in context.

When people ask for discretion or say they are discreet I tend to take it that they mean they don't need to shout about their meets from the rooftops or relay any details to other swingers. Things like performance etc or where I live etc etc.

When an attached man asks for discretion they usually do it in that slimy fashion = I am married so discretion is a must ..... Stupid idiots.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

jack dont be put off there are some lovely people out there... All you can do is tell others how you feel about things before you meet, and in your profile here what you dont like ... from meets and what your looking for that may help. Say it how it is and tell them Big letters read my profile as losts just look at pics. kisses xxjo

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks Jo but I don't want turn my profile into one of those harsh strident ones with lots of rules and 'do and don'ts'. Perhaps I'm still a little naive and expect people to keep their word. Single guys seem to get a lot of 'stick' but some couples are definitely not angels either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thanks Jo but I don't want turn my profile into one of those harsh strident ones with lots of rules and 'do and don'ts'. Perhaps I'm still a little naive and expect people to keep their word. Single guys seem to get a lot of 'stick' but some couples are definitely not angels either. "
I am sure if you pick the wright words and keep it simple .. it may help with out you looking like you have loads of rules x you come across lovely here . xx jo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You often hear the words privacy and discretion on here, the people that mention it normally are on cam with their faces on _iew or telling people they’re going to chams (pick any club) tonight in chat or on the forums, to me that’s the total opposite of privacy and discretion… head scratching moment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi Jack.

The unfortunate truth is most people you meet won't send you photos. This is because most people you meet intend never to see you again, despite any claims to the contrary.

Either insist that at least a couple photos are taken on your camera or insist that none are taken.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Discretion to me means not talking about my performance between the sheets openly with other people.

It does not necessarily means a person seeking discretion is attached or married.

With regard to taking photos during a meet, it has to be agreed by both/all parties involved, and ground rules set in advance.

It is courteous to block/edit out the other parties involved in photos for public _iewing, unless one has expressed permission from them to display the photos without edition.

There is no written rule to say one must display a verification provided by another person.

One can be verified by different means, phone, webcam and in person. All these provide a person to person interaction.

I see nothing wrong for one not to display his/her verifications.

I personally do not display mine, as they are for my personal enjoyment only.

One should not rely on verifications alone in order to decide whether to meet a person or not.

Verifications should be treated as one of the tools in a tool box to ascertain if a person is worth meeting. Other tools include exchanging PMs, MSN, photos, and phone conversations.

"

Everything Pearl said!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

no, i'm never offended by anything as all game rules are agreed prior to play and i respect someone else's boundaries as much as i expect them to respect mine.

if i don't like their rules, i don't play with them.

simples

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To me discretion is paramount....What I get up to and with whom, when or where is purely between myself and that party.....Its not up for open discussion/disection/comments. If other people don't like that and want to conjecture on my situation..go ahead..doesn't bother me!

"

I agree. Some people are open about what they get up to and some people like to keep their fun private. I know some people want discretion because they're cheating and some people want discretion simply because they are people who like to their private lives to be their PRIVATE lives. I mean, how many of us here have best friends or family members who know they are active swingers?

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

I think we are talking about a couple of different things here.......

with regards to "discretion" the worst offenders are in the Verifications where I use it to say people turned up and were genuine.. where others seem to use it as a play by play account of what happened....

Pictures.... I don't mind if people don't want to show pics if they take them... the only thing is I always ask for a copy of the pics if they are taking any...

showing verifications.... I don't mind if people don't show them, I won't show them if I think they are too rude...

but with everything each to their own.....

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I like discretion. A lot. I don't have verifications showing, I don't show my friends list and I certainly don't have pictures of other people on my profile and I'd be horrified if someone put pictures of me on their profile.

Privacy should be respected. I'm aware not everyone is as anal as me about it but I appreciate people respecting my choice just as I would respect theirs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think we are talking about a couple of different things here.......

with regards to "discretion" the worst offenders are in the Verifications where I use it to say people turned up and were genuine.. where others seem to use it as a play by play account of what happened....

Pictures.... I don't mind if people don't want to show pics if they take them... the only thing is I always ask for a copy of the pics if they are taking any...

showing verifications.... I don't mind if people don't show them, I won't show them if I think they are too rude...

but with everything each to their own....."

agree on the verifications bit.

some have friends send them without ever meeting or knowing them.

and i was asked out of the blue by someone to verify them. i just blocked them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I put my head above the parapet and raised the questions in the forum because I wanted to know if I was being naive in my thinking or if the problems I've experienced were a little more widespread.

My thanks for the advice and I will now most certainly ensure that, if photographs are to be taken, I too will provide a camera for that purpose.

Verifications from a number of meeting prove that I have actually met the people who sent them. I don't see it as a means of demonstrating popularity or skilfulness in the sack and I will still not be displaying every one that I receive...especially if they are graphic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all want discretion on here, this lifestyle is not exactly the norm and those that don't swing frown upon it sadly. I would not allow anyone to video me and no pics either unless they blanked my face out. I've known people in the past who have been noticed by neighbours etc, if your in a job like a policeman or a teacher then discretion is a must!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

DISCRETION ,AND PRIVACY ! yes we all want it ,i live in a nice neighbourhood and we had a little get together here ,3 couples and my then F/B and one of the ladies went out on to my front half naked for a cigarette ,SHE DIDNT WANT US TO KNOW SHE SMOKED . i nearly died . FRANKIE XX

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