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Frustrating

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Why is it on here most people are not what they say they are. Another wasted meet with a lady that says she's a sub who's looking for a dominant male but when it comes to it is uncomfortable with giving up the slightest amount of control. I blame that shit book people love the idea but run a mile when it becomes reality.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perhaps she didn't trust you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Perhaps she didn't trust you. "

Yeah, dom/sub dynamics usually needs some more time to sort out than one meet...

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

did you talk to her about it?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Why is it on here most people are not what they say they are. Another wasted meet with a lady that says she's a sub who's looking for a dominant male but when it comes to it is uncomfortable with giving up the slightest amount of control. I blame that shit book people love the idea but run a mile when it becomes reality."

You've made a couple of generalisations here.

Most people, shit book?

We're you this brusque with the lady?

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

It takes time to build that sort of relationship. I wouldn't hand over that sort of trust to someone I'd just met. To be honest, a dominant man worth his salt wouldn't expect a woman to do that.

She's perfectly entitled to trust her own instincts and change her mind on meeting you if she wasn't comfortable.

That does not make her a timewaster.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

That's an interesting quote at the bottom of your profile.

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

but isn't it about winning submission like your profile says?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Even if it didn't work out, couldn't you both have a shag anyway?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

If it was a last minute meet yes I'd understand but this was weeks of messages a social meet and time spent chatting on the phone. True trust takes time to grow but there's a difference between not growing a new relationship and saying you want one thing and then saying you don't.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"If it was a last minute meet yes I'd understand but this was weeks of messages a social meet and time spent chatting on the phone. True trust takes time to grow but there's a difference between not growing a new relationship and saying you want one thing and then saying you don't."

you should be discussing this with the woman concerned, in my opinion you've been indiscreet. If she's on here and reads the forum she's going to know that she was right not to hand any control to you.

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh


"If it was a last minute meet yes I'd understand but this was weeks of messages a social meet and time spent chatting on the phone. True trust takes time to grow but there's a difference between not growing a new relationship and saying you want one thing and then saying you don't."

Did you ask why she'd changed her mind?

It is okay to change your mind at any point. A timewaster, in my _iew, is someone who doesn't turn up after making an arrangement to meet. Someone who turns up and then decides not to take it further is not. They are exerting basic human rights. Nothing wrong with that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It takes time to build that sort of relationship. I wouldn't hand over that sort of trust to someone I'd just met. To be honest, a dominant man worth his salt wouldn't expect a woman to do that.

She's perfectly entitled to trust her own instincts and change her mind on meeting you if she wasn't comfortable.

That does not make her a timewaster. "

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Wow lambasted for having feeling. I never said people don't have the right to change there mind, I never said that anybody should go through with something they are uncomfortable with. I have had long term relationships and know how organic they are. What I do object to is people that aren't what they say they are. I don't think it's right to pretend to be something your not just to get what you want. Not only do I find that disrespectful but in this day and age could be dangerous.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Wow lambasted for having feeling. I never said people don't have the right to change there mind, I never said that anybody should go through with something they are uncomfortable with. I have had long term relationships and know how organic they are. What I do object to is people that aren't what they say they are. I don't think it's right to pretend to be something your not just to get what you want. Not only do I find that disrespectful but in this day and age could be dangerous.

"

Now, don't try and make out you're being given a hard time over nothing. Read your initial post, calling a woman a time waster for not handing you any control and contrast it with the last line of your profile.

I'm not sure what the lady in question was trying to get and I don't want to but you seem to feel that the failure of your meet is her fault.

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh


"Wow lambasted for having feeling. I never said people don't have the right to change there mind, I never said that anybody should go through with something they are uncomfortable with. I have had long term relationships and know how organic they are. What I do object to is people that aren't what they say they are. I don't think it's right to pretend to be something your not just to get what you want. Not only do I find that disrespectful but in this day and age could be dangerous.

"

I don't think anyone has lambasted you. That certainly wasn't my intention so I'm sorry if that's how you feel.

We've only got your _iew to go on and from what you've said it just sounds as though she changed her mind. I'm not sure airing dirty laundry is going to help anyone and as Nice said, if she reads this then I'd imagine she'll feel fully justified in calling a halt.

I don't really know what else to say. Shame it didn't work out as you'd hoped. Maybe just move on rather than trying to find answers. Good luck.

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By *ibullMan
over a year ago

swingingcuckville


"If it was a last minute meet yes I'd understand but this was weeks of messages a social meet and time spent chatting on the phone. True trust takes time to grow but there's a difference between not growing a new relationship and saying you want one thing and then saying you don't.

Did you ask why she'd changed her mind?

It is okay to change your mind at any point. A timewaster, in my _iew, is someone who doesn't turn up after making an arrangement to meet. Someone who turns up and then decides not to take it further is not. They are exerting basic human rights. Nothing wrong with that. "

Absolutely so true, can't argue with that! It's a woman's perogative and she should be respected for her decision.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It takes time to build that sort of relationship. I wouldn't hand over that sort of trust to someone I'd just met. To be honest, a dominant man worth his salt wouldn't expect a woman to do that.

She's perfectly entitled to trust her own instincts and change her mind on meeting you if she wasn't comfortable.

That does not make her a timewaster. "

so very true well put

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe you just weren't the right dom for her and therefore she didn't want to give you any control? D/s is as much about chemistry as anything else. Sometimes, things just don't click.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Why is it on here most people are not what they say they are. Another wasted meet with a lady that says she's a sub who's looking for a dominant male but when it comes to it is uncomfortable with giving up the slightest amount of control. I blame that shit book people love the idea but run a mile when it becomes reality."

D/s relationships require trust. I've met subs several times socially for them to feel comfortable/confident to relinquish control to me.

She simply didn't trust you!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Wow lambasted for having feeling. I never said people don't have the right to change there mind, I never said that anybody should go through with something they are uncomfortable with. I have had long term relationships and know how organic they are. What I do object to is people that aren't what they say they are. I don't think it's right to pretend to be something your not just to get what you want. Not only do I find that disrespectful but in this day and age could be dangerous.

"

She changed her mind, get the fook over it, and how dare she lie to get what she wants (you must be some Adonis if a lady has to lie to get a shag from you) not like a man has ever lied to a woman to get what they want....

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Perhaps she didn't trust you. "

My thoughts too.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Perhaps she didn't trust you.

Yeah, dom/sub dynamics usually needs some more time to sort out than one meet..."

Indeed

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"It takes time to build that sort of relationship. I wouldn't hand over that sort of trust to someone I'd just met. To be honest, a dominant man worth his salt wouldn't expect a woman to do that.

She's perfectly entitled to trust her own instincts and change her mind on meeting you if she wasn't comfortable.

That does not make her a timewaster. "

Spot on!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Wow lambasted for having feeling. I never said people don't have the right to change there mind, I never said that anybody should go through with something they are uncomfortable with. I have had long term relationships and know how organic they are. What I do object to is people that aren't what they say they are. I don't think it's right to pretend to be something your not just to get what you want. Not only do I find that disrespectful but in this day and age could be dangerous.

Now, don't try and make out you're being given a hard time over nothing. Read your initial post, calling a woman a time waster for not handing you any control and contrast it with the last line of your profile.

I'm not sure what the lady in question was trying to get and I don't want to but you seem to feel that the failure of your meet is her fault."

Indeed!

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

another wasted meet: the common denominator is ?

yup.......

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