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Confidence

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

How do you do it? I (mrs) have no body confidence or in general for that matter at all. I'm a size 18, and just feel so....average? When couples ask us to play at clubs or privately, even though I know they wouldn't ask were they not attracted to both of us, I can't help but feel they don't. Is it something you learn along the way or is there some kind of trick to it ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is no trick to it at all, I was lucky anough to be in a good relationship most of my life, my confidence grew as I grew older, I was already confident before coming on here or finding clubs/parties.

I always say learn to like yourself and your confidence will grow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

E is exactly the same as am I. In my case its so bad I refuse to play and only watch E on our meets. But then again Im 23 stone with a buried penis that doesnt always work so Ive good reason to stay dressed but judging by your pics you have a fantastic body so really I dont think you have anything to worry about. Your having fun so keep it up and come to Daventry some time lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not sure really. i'm fairly confident even though i'm also pretty average.

I suppose you have to focus more on your good points, any of those, and don't concentrate on the bad points much, if at all. Especially if you can't change them.

Also, nobody is perfect. Yeah a lot of people spend time trying to be and will look better for it, maybe, but most people accept that it's ok for others to have flaws, to not be perfect, and then apply this thinking to themselves.

I think what helps me most is to realise people have bodies that change over time, or were never perfect in the first place, but they still attractive in some way. I don't even have a type that i find attractive, i'll just find someone attractive or not, and so will others.

Be happy with yourself.

You could even focus on things that aren't appearance and see yourself as attractive for that too.

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By *erryPervettoMan
over a year ago

London

Just be yourself,relax and have fun.Try not to worry about people's impression of u and just go with the flow.

No matter how u are,most people will ignore some things about you sooner or later,if u are confident and cheerful.

But if u start acting insecure and all that,people will notice and feel discouraged to approach or play with u.

Hope that helps

Jerry

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Blag it!

If you don't feel it, try really hard to force yourself and it will come. There's a lot to be said for loving yourself. Stop thinking of yourself as average. I wrote on one of my mirrors 'you are beautiful' with a chalk pen. We all are in our own ways. Your partner must think so, he should be telling you that more often. Start believing it.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Difficult one. Confidence can be given by others but you first have to believe in yourself. You need to try and believe it when people compliment you. Look at it this way, you are really being quite insulting to the people who ask you to play by assuming that they don't find you attractive.....what does that say about them?

Step away from this it's putting pressure on you and concentrate on building up your self-esteem.

Good luck

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials


"Blag it!

If you don't feel it, try really hard to force yourself and it will come. There's a lot to be said for loving yourself. Stop thinking of yourself as average. I wrote on one of my mirrors 'you are beautiful' with a chalk pen. We all are in our own ways. Your partner must think so, he should be telling you that more often. Start believing it. "

It takes a bit of getting your head round but in time your confidence will grow. The men I've met from here have never made me feel anything but gorgeous & sexy no matter how I think I look or feel & because of them my confidence has soared!! Still too chicken to go to a club though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've always said wish they sold it in bottles, after 18 yrs with my late husband and loads of put downs and his d*unken rants I've found it hard to find anything good about myself

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By *sianmale89Man
over a year ago

Stockport


"How do you do it? I (mrs) have no body confidence or in general for that matter at all. I'm a size 18, and just feel so....average? When couples ask us to play at clubs or privately, even though I know they wouldn't ask were they not attracted to both of us, I can't help but feel they don't. Is it something you learn along the way or is there some kind of trick to it ?"

just go along with it really, have no expectations and you will never be disappointed...

plus if you think about you're own negative sides all the time it just builds up, don't worry about being average there is nothing wrong with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've always said wish they sold it in bottles, after 18 yrs with my late husband and loads of put downs and his d*unken rants I've found it hard to find anything good about myself "

Deep down you know you're a good person. It's not your fault he was an arsehole. It's difficult but you can turn it around and use that feeling for good. Imagine he was just jealous of you and his words to hurt you were to bring you down and make him feel better. Forget his words and how he made you feel.

Concentrate on what your friends say. They know the real you. Deep breath.... shout FUCK OFF!!!! Hold your head high and shake that amazing arse and cleavage. xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How about changing your life style, maybe eat healthier and exercise? Not only would loosing weight help your confidence but exercise also releases feel good chemicals in your brain, called endorphins.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Confidence is not something you can learn to have, nor can people teach you how to be confidant, you can put on a show and appear it from the outside but inside you still feel the same

Confidence is something you either do or don't have

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've always said wish they sold it in bottles, after 18 yrs with my late husband and loads of put downs and his d*unken rants I've found it hard to find anything good about myself "

Maybe firstly go look for the faults in his behaviour to you? Just so you know what he said wasn't real and was a projection of how much he hated himself.

You attracted him for a reason, he stayed for a reason. If you figure out why he stayed you'll start to see the positives in yourself, even if they firstly show the negatives in him.

Opposites attract might be the first thing you find.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've always said wish they sold it in bottles, after 18 yrs with my late husband and loads of put downs and his d*unken rants I've found it hard to find anything good about myself "

I think that's the problem with most women

I spent years with my ex being told I was fat and ugly, on a daily basis towards the end

I suppose that's where my lack of confidence comes from, if you hear it enough it just becomes part of your life and you accept your fat and ugly and act accordingly

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"How about changing your life style, maybe eat healthier and exercise? Not only would loosing weight help your confidence but exercise also releases feel good chemicals in your brain, called endorphins.

"

I actually have a disease that causes weight gain and makes it difficult to lose weight. I take medication for life and exercise in the gym 3 or 4 times a week, my diet ( as agreed by my Dr ) is pretty healthy. This stops me gaining any further weight but my weight loss is very slow ( 1lb a week or so ). I also have other symptoms that Rob me of my femininity, I can grow an impressive beard and have to shave 2 times a day to stay smooth and feminine

I do think thus, amongst other symptoms, contribute to my lack of confidence, thank you for the replies though, I try so hard to exude confidence it's just hard sometimes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've always said wish they sold it in bottles, after 18 yrs with my late husband and loads of put downs and his d*unken rants I've found it hard to find anything good about myself

Maybe firstly go look for the faults in his behaviour to you? Just so you know what he said wasn't real and was a projection of how much he hated himself.

You attracted him for a reason, he stayed for a reason. If you figure out why he stayed you'll start to see the positives in yourself, even if they firstly show the negatives in him.

Opposites attract might be the first thing you find.

"

I fucking love you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How about changing your life style, maybe eat healthier and exercise? Not only would loosing weight help your confidence but exercise also releases feel good chemicals in your brain, called endorphins.

I actually have a disease that causes weight gain and makes it difficult to lose weight. I take medication for life and exercise in the gym 3 or 4 times a week, my diet ( as agreed by my Dr ) is pretty healthy. This stops me gaining any further weight but my weight loss is very slow ( 1lb a week or so ). I also have other symptoms that Rob me of my femininity, I can grow an impressive beard and have to shave 2 times a day to stay smooth and feminine

I do think thus, amongst other symptoms, contribute to my lack of confidence, thank you for the replies though, I try so hard to exude confidence it's just hard sometimes"

Well if you're battling all that and you're still trying then you're doing better than a lot of us!! xx

Go through your wardrobe and find stuff you feel good in. And wear it, don't save it 'for best'. Strut your stuff.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How about changing your life style, maybe eat healthier and exercise? Not only would loosing weight help your confidence but exercise also releases feel good chemicals in your brain, called endorphins.

I actually have a disease that causes weight gain and makes it difficult to lose weight. I take medication for life and exercise in the gym 3 or 4 times a week, my diet ( as agreed by my Dr ) is pretty healthy. This stops me gaining any further weight but my weight loss is very slow ( 1lb a week or so ). I also have other symptoms that Rob me of my femininity, I can grow an impressive beard and have to shave 2 times a day to stay smooth and feminine

I do think thus, amongst other symptoms, contribute to my lack of confidence, thank you for the replies though, I try so hard to exude confidence it's just hard sometimes"

I looked at your profile and to be honest , you look great. I would shag you all day

The issue with confidence comes with what people say about you or what you think is good and you compare that with yourself . We are all different and beautiful , except a few obvious exceptions -and you are certainly beautiful that's for sure .

It's the same way with cock sizes , I have seen a few guys losing confidence just because they have think they have a small dick and sometimes you look at them and you wonder how they came to that conclusion . Most of the time is because they look at some unrealistic porn videos and wish they were like them. We were all born differently and that's just the way it is unfortunately . Some have more money , some have bigger boobs , some have bigger dicks , some have bigger houses , some are taller etc , it's just the reality of life .

Just be yourself and love the way you are coz I certainly love it. Drop me a message next time you visit a club near London and I will accompany you and shag you all night

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

start with self worth,learn to appreciate the good in you and then get to the point that you actually love yourself

Confidence will flow...................

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My heart goes out to any woman on here. After lengthy conversations with others on here - women really have to be thick skinned on here

The abuse they take when they try and say no politely, cocks pic s being sent when not invited etc

People throwing there toys out of their prams when they don't get there on way

But if you can get over that there are nice people on here confidence will come with time

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn


"My heart goes out to any woman on here. After lengthy conversations with others on here - women really have to be thick skinned on here

"

everyone has to be thick skinned, as no grouping is exempt from the nasties.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to hate my body, I can't lie and say I've tried everything to shift it but since I've been on here, I've learnt to love my body. Sure there are the 'fuck anything brigade' and don't really care what you look like but there are loads of men that love my size and I am not shy in the slightest about taking my clothes off, I find it liberating!!

I also thought I look like a wally in sexy stuff, turns out I just needed more confidence!

The odd thing is, in the vanilla word, I get hang ups about my size, can't talk to men and never get them either, so it's 50:50 really.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"My heart goes out to any woman on here. After lengthy conversations with others on here - women really have to be thick skinned on here

The abuse they take when they try and say no politely, cocks pic s being sent when not invited etc

People throwing there toys out of their prams when they don't get there on way

But if you can get over that there are nice people on here confidence will come with time "

I've only rarely experienced the things you mention. Women get treated pretty well on here in my experience and as long as you realise that 99% of what you're told good and bad, is bull you'll be fine.

Confidence and self-esteem can't be built on the shifting sand of words from men who want sex from you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"...

Confidence and self-esteem can't be built on the shifting sand of words from men who want sex from you."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two things helped me. In my early 20s someone suggested a mantra which helped. "I'm a worthwhile person and I like myself". The second piece of advice was study others whose confidence you admire then act as if you are confident. In other words "Fake it, until you make it".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My heart goes out to any woman on here. After lengthy conversations with others on here - women really have to be thick skinned on here

The abuse they take when they try and say no politely, cocks pic s being sent when not invited etc

People throwing there toys out of their prams when they don't get there on way

But if you can get over that there are nice people on here confidence will come with time

I've only rarely experienced the things you mention. Women get treated pretty well on here in my experience and as long as you realise that 99% of what you're told good and bad, is bull you'll be fine.

Confidence and self-esteem can't be built on the shifting sand of words from men who want sex from you."

I've only ever had one rude message so far, although I don't actually turn people down, I either block or don't respond

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By *helbeeCouple
over a year ago

Nuneaton

Confidence has to be built up..an i know im not very confident ..even though i get compliments on my photos, my body clothed an guys have said im sexy i just dont see that im sexy., despite me toneing up ie excerciseing an i just don't think i look good. An its cause ive lost confidence since being divorced it certainly knocks your confidence when u go through a horable divorce. .

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Two things helped me. In my early 20s someone suggested a mantra which helped. "I'm a worthwhile person and I like myself". The second piece of advice was study others whose confidence you admire then act as if you are confident. In other words "Fake it, until you make it". "

Faking it is pretty good advice. I'm a pretty confident person but sometimes i find myself in a situation where I feel a bit wobbly so I don my suit of confidence armour to cover up the fact that I'm quaking inside.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Confidence has to be built up..an i know im not very confident ..even though i get compliments on my photos, my body clothed an guys have said im sexy i just dont see that im sexy., despite me toneing up ie excerciseing an i just don't think i look good. An its cause ive lost confidence since being divorced it certainly knocks your confidence when u go through a horable divorce. ."

Confidence is about more than men thinking you're sexy, its about "you" knowing and believing that "you're" sexy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think this is necessarily something you should be worried about, every single person on the face of this earth has some sort of insecurity or hang up about themselves. Even the most beautiful women and men feel insecure. There will always be somebody out there who wishes they looked half as good as you, and there will be people out there that look better than you do, it's just the way of the world. You just need to find acceptance for yourself, I hope you find it someday soon x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Ladies, women........don't rely on men for self esteem, get it from within.

And vice versa.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think confidence comes from body image, for me I guess its the fear of rejection.

I could never approach someone I fancied in a bar or club - hell I can hardly send a first message or wink on here!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've always said wish they sold it in bottles, after 18 yrs with my late husband and loads of put downs and his d*unken rants I've found it hard to find anything good about myself

Deep down you know you're a good person. It's not your fault he was an arsehole. It's difficult but you can turn it around and use that feeling for good. Imagine he was just jealous of you and his words to hurt you were to bring you down and make him feel better. Forget his words and how he made you feel.

Concentrate on what your friends say. They know the real you. Deep breath.... shout FUCK OFF!!!! Hold your head high and shake that amazing arse and cleavage. xx"
thank you I'm a little better than I used to be....I used to only wear black and white clothes all high tops etc but it did take years x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've always said wish they sold it in bottles, after 18 yrs with my late husband and loads of put downs and his d*unken rants I've found it hard to find anything good about myself

Maybe firstly go look for the faults in his behaviour to you? Just so you know what he said wasn't real and was a projection of how much he hated himself.

You attracted him for a reason, he stayed for a reason. If you figure out why he stayed you'll start to see the positives in yourself, even if they firstly show the negatives in him.

Opposites attract might be the first thing you find.

"
thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ladies, women........don't rely on men for self esteem, get it from within.

And vice versa."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've always said wish they sold it in bottles, after 18 yrs with my late husband and loads of put downs and his d*unken rants I've found it hard to find anything good about myself

I think that's the problem with most women

I spent years with my ex being told I was fat and ugly, on a daily basis towards the end

I suppose that's where my lack of confidence comes from, if you hear it enough it just becomes part of your life and you accept your fat and ugly and act accordingly "
it's hard to believe anything other than that isn't it ...sad but true x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't think confidence comes from body image, for me I guess its the fear of rejection.

I could never approach someone I fancied in a bar or club - hell I can hardly send a first message or wink on here!

"

Fear of rejection is weird really. If I 'm afraid of rejection I am too scared to approach others for fear of them saying no, so I don't, thereby rejecting myself and reinforcing my fear of rejection. Finding out someone is not for you is only feedback to learn from it's not failure. It is better to find someone isn't right for you than to live your life wondering what if.....Carpe Diem ????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've always said wish they sold it in bottles, after 18 yrs with my late husband and loads of put downs and his d*unken rants I've found it hard to find anything good about myself

I think that's the problem with most women

I spent years with my ex being told I was fat and ugly, on a daily basis towards the end

I suppose that's where my lack of confidence comes from, if you hear it enough it just becomes part of your life and you accept your fat and ugly and act accordingly it's hard to believe anything other than that isn't it ...sad but true x"

Hey it's time to tell yourself you won't be defined by a d*unkard's rants. The guy was d*unk and not in any state to comment on anyone. He was talking bile. Have none of it and tell the echoes of thatvoice in your head to fuck off out of it. His voice has no right to be there and never did.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've always said wish they sold it in bottles, after 18 yrs with my late husband and loads of put downs and his d*unken rants I've found it hard to find anything good about myself

I think that's the problem with most women

I spent years with my ex being told I was fat and ugly, on a daily basis towards the end

I suppose that's where my lack of confidence comes from, if you hear it enough it just becomes part of your life and you accept your fat and ugly and act accordingly it's hard to believe anything other than that isn't it ...sad but true x

Hey it's time to tell yourself you won't be defined by a d*unkard's rants. The guy was d*unk and not in any state to comment on anyone. He was talking bile. Have none of it and tell the echoes of thatvoice in your head to fuck off out of it. His voice has no right to be there and never did."
even eight yrs later it's not easy but thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've always said wish they sold it in bottles, after 18 yrs with my late husband and loads of put downs and his d*unken rants I've found it hard to find anything good about myself

Maybe firstly go look for the faults in his behaviour to you? Just so you know what he said wasn't real and was a projection of how much he hated himself.

You attracted him for a reason, he stayed for a reason. If you figure out why he stayed you'll start to see the positives in yourself, even if they firstly show the negatives in him.

Opposites attract might be the first thing you find.

thank you x"

You're welcome.

I've been reading a lot about emotional abuse recently.

I had spent years studying psychology but from an academic _iewpoint, to understand how mental illnesses are (my lovely sister is ill and i wanted to learn more for her sake). But lately i've been reading how it affects people personally and how to deal with it and found a good source that deals with all the doubts you have about yourself because your abuser gave you those doubts. It explains why they did it, why they were wrong, and how they mess with your head, and why you should ignore them.

It's just a facebook support page but you can vent, read other peoples stories that validate your thoughts or even make you think a different way. And it's really well written.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My sis has never been abusive, not sure if the above reads like that, hope not. But other people i know have been so i was looking for answers, got them too but not the answers i was expecting.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I'm body confident even though I'm average but my wife isn't body confident so I can appreciate how it can affect people.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

You can learn to be confident, i lived with a guy that battered the shit out of me, I had to walk with my head down and was constantly told i was fat and ugly and I was lucky to be with him.

It took a long bloody while to gain confidence but I did it, surround yourself with positive people, learn to accept a compliment (yes its hard) learn to value yourself, I'm far from perfect but I really like me and don't care if noone else does

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have confidence/stage fright issues and avoid confronting them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I blag it all the time. I have zero body confidence. I make a point of dressing up and taking pictures to try and convince myself I'm not as bad as I think. Sometimes it works. Sometimes I realise just how much filtering and cropping it took to get one I liked. Sometimes I'm so low that I actually feel like a complete fool. I've spent my life feeling inferior to others for so many reasons. It's hard to get out of it. Confidence will never come from others. It will only ever come from within. So you have to find a way to work on yourself. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've always said wish they sold it in bottles, after 18 yrs with my late husband and loads of put downs and his d*unken rants I've found it hard to find anything good about myself

Maybe firstly go look for the faults in his behaviour to you? Just so you know what he said wasn't real and was a projection of how much he hated himself.

You attracted him for a reason, he stayed for a reason. If you figure out why he stayed you'll start to see the positives in yourself, even if they firstly show the negatives in him.

Opposites attract might be the first thing you find.

thank you x

You're welcome.

I've been reading a lot about emotional abuse recently.

I had spent years studying psychology but from an academic _iewpoint, to understand how mental illnesses are (my lovely sister is ill and i wanted to learn more for her sake). But lately i've been reading how it affects people personally and how to deal with it and found a good source that deals with all the doubts you have about yourself because your abuser gave you those doubts. It explains why they did it, why they were wrong, and how they mess with your head, and why you should ignore them.

It's just a facebook support page but you can vent, read other peoples stories that validate your thoughts or even make you think a different way. And it's really well written."

Can you tell us what to search for? I know you can't post a direct link.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn


"...

Confidence and self-esteem can't be built on the shifting sand of words from men who want sex from you.

"

very good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've always said wish they sold it in bottles, after 18 yrs with my late husband and loads of put downs and his d*unken rants I've found it hard to find anything good about myself

Maybe firstly go look for the faults in his behaviour to you? Just so you know what he said wasn't real and was a projection of how much he hated himself.

You attracted him for a reason, he stayed for a reason. If you figure out why he stayed you'll start to see the positives in yourself, even if they firstly show the negatives in him.

Opposites attract might be the first thing you find.

thank you x

You're welcome.

I've been reading a lot about emotional abuse recently.

I had spent years studying psychology but from an academic _iewpoint, to understand how mental illnesses are (my lovely sister is ill and i wanted to learn more for her sake). But lately i've been reading how it affects people personally and how to deal with it and found a good source that deals with all the doubts you have about yourself because your abuser gave you those doubts. It explains why they did it, why they were wrong, and how they mess with your head, and why you should ignore them.

It's just a facebook support page but you can vent, read other peoples stories that validate your thoughts or even make you think a different way. And it's really well written.

Can you tell us what to search for? I know you can't post a direct link. "

Yeah course. I found it by looking for 'abuse support' on facebook.

After Narcissistic Abuse - There is Light, Life & Love

And their avatar at this time is a woman holding her hands across her chest and love hearts in the background of her. Page header is grey with the page name on it.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!


"You can learn to be confident, i lived with a guy that battered the shit out of me, I had to walk with my head down and was constantly told i was fat and ugly and I was lucky to be with him.

It took a long bloody while to gain confidence but I did it, surround yourself with positive people, learn to accept a compliment (yes its hard) learn to value yourself, I'm far from perfect but I really like me and don't care if noone else does "
I like you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a size 18-20 and always felt self conscious. Since being on fab I learnt that lots of people love lots of other kinds of people and if other people like it then I should too.

Even went to my first club last night and had no problems with being naked etc. Which I thought I would be.

If your not confident just pretend you are. No one knows the difference

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've always said wish they sold it in bottles, after 18 yrs with my late husband and loads of put downs and his d*unken rants I've found it hard to find anything good about myself

Maybe firstly go look for the faults in his behaviour to you? Just so you know what he said wasn't real and was a projection of how much he hated himself.

You attracted him for a reason, he stayed for a reason. If you figure out why he stayed you'll start to see the positives in yourself, even if they firstly show the negatives in him.

Opposites attract might be the first thing you find.

thank you x

You're welcome.

I've been reading a lot about emotional abuse recently.

I had spent years studying psychology but from an academic _iewpoint, to understand how mental illnesses are (my lovely sister is ill and i wanted to learn more for her sake). But lately i've been reading how it affects people personally and how to deal with it and found a good source that deals with all the doubts you have about yourself because your abuser gave you those doubts. It explains why they did it, why they were wrong, and how they mess with your head, and why you should ignore them.

It's just a facebook support page but you can vent, read other peoples stories that validate your thoughts or even make you think a different way. And it's really well written.

Can you tell us what to search for? I know you can't post a direct link.

Yeah course. I found it by looking for 'abuse support' on facebook.

After Narcissistic Abuse - There is Light, Life & Love

And their avatar at this time is a woman holding her hands across her chest and love hearts in the background of her. Page header is grey with the page name on it."

Found it, thank you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've always said wish they sold it in bottles, after 18 yrs with my late husband and loads of put downs and his d*unken rants I've found it hard to find anything good about myself

Maybe firstly go look for the faults in his behaviour to you? Just so you know what he said wasn't real and was a projection of how much he hated himself.

You attracted him for a reason, he stayed for a reason. If you figure out why he stayed you'll start to see the positives in yourself, even if they firstly show the negatives in him.

Opposites attract might be the first thing you find.

thank you x

You're welcome.

I've been reading a lot about emotional abuse recently.

I had spent years studying psychology but from an academic _iewpoint, to understand how mental illnesses are (my lovely sister is ill and i wanted to learn more for her sake). But lately i've been reading how it affects people personally and how to deal with it and found a good source that deals with all the doubts you have about yourself because your abuser gave you those doubts. It explains why they did it, why they were wrong, and how they mess with your head, and why you should ignore them.

It's just a facebook support page but you can vent, read other peoples stories that validate your thoughts or even make you think a different way. And it's really well written.

Can you tell us what to search for? I know you can't post a direct link.

Yeah course. I found it by looking for 'abuse support' on facebook.

After Narcissistic Abuse - There is Light, Life & Love

And their avatar at this time is a woman holding her hands across her chest and love hearts in the background of her. Page header is grey with the page name on it.

Found it, thank you. "

You're welcome. Hope it helps.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I blag it all the time. I have zero body confidence. I make a point of dressing up and taking pictures to try and convince myself I'm not as bad as I think. Sometimes it works. Sometimes I realise just how much filtering and cropping it took to get one I liked. Sometimes I'm so low that I actually feel like a complete fool. I've spent my life feeling inferior to others for so many reasons. It's hard to get out of it. Confidence will never come from others. It will only ever come from within. So you have to find a way to work on yourself. Xx "

I was body confident five years ago as I was slimmer, gained all the weight back, my own fault. I took new pictures recently as I thought it might help my confidence issues, even though ive received good comments and fabs, which im grateful for, Im still a fat woman with no confidence

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How do you do it? I (mrs) have no body confidence or in general for that matter at all. I'm a size 18, and just feel so....average? When couples ask us to play at clubs or privately, even though I know they wouldn't ask were they not attracted to both of us, I can't help but feel they don't. Is it something you learn along the way or is there some kind of trick to it ?"

Just looked at your pics, you look great. You really have nothing to worry about. You have wonderful sexy feminine curves. Nothing wrong with that at all.

Claire

XX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a speech impediment, so chatting to new people can be a bit difficult. I had my first group social last week, and it went down a storm. Everybody was on the same wavelength, and that gave me a ton of confidence.

Most of the people I've met (on here)are the coolest I've ever meet... I just need to remember that

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By *km45Man
over a year ago

UTTOXETER


"How do you do it? I (mrs) have no body confidence or in general for that matter at all. I'm a size 18, and just feel so....average? When couples ask us to play at clubs or privately, even though I know they wouldn't ask were they not attracted to both of us, I can't help but feel they don't. Is it something you learn along the way or is there some kind of trick to it ?"

You look fantastic in your pics and can't see why couples wouldn't be attracted to you. You've posted your pics on here so you can't be that ashamed of your figure. Look at my pics for a fright lol. I too lack confidence in my figure and myself but people on these forums have boosted my confidence (though I'm still to get a meet) to believe in myself and be positive.

I would have left fab after 2 weeks if it wasn't for the people on these forums.

Reading this post tonight has surprised me how lots of the fabsters have lacked confidence. No trick go out and be proud of who you are

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By *herealdeal90Man
over a year ago

Huddersfield

I think women are beautiful. All shapes and sizes. When I'm with a woman I make sure i compliment her and praise her body. I find women gorgeous and beautiful of all shapes and sizes. So guaranteed when you take your clothes off I bet the men think wow you're gorgeous

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There isn't a trick I'm afraid. It's something you have to work on from within, although I have found being in 'the scene' has helped boost my confidence a little.

As you've already said, if a couple ask to play then they obviously find you attractive! Chances are, the fem of that cpl is a bit nervous or has insecurities too!

Everyone has a body type that they find the most attractive, there are plenty of people on here who go wild for a woman with your shape....Beauty comes in many shapes and sizes!!

Sasha x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My parents were naturists and Im never shy naked.

We get programmed as kids. Go and get naked on a beach in the sun and sod everyone else x

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