FabSwingers.com forum: How do i leave my wife?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I need some advice please I know I have to leave my wife but I'm finding it hard to walk away.We got married five years ago and have been together for 14 years but for the last 4 years things have not been the same.4 years ago I had to be circumcised due to a big tear on my skin since then the wife has not let me touch her,I know sex is not the biggest part of a relationship but it is an important part I have tried now for the 4 years to get her to talk about it but she wont I have tried everything.people tell me to just walk away but its not that simple we have an 8 year old son who is my life and to be without him everyday will kill me I'm at breaking point now how can I walk away without hurting everyone involved.

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

Sounds like a car crash?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Contact Relate x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 17/09/15 00:11:08]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I need some advice please I know I have to leave my wife but I'm finding it hard to walk away.We got married five years ago and have been together for 14 years but for the last 4 years things have not been the same.4 years ago I had to be circumcised due to a big tear on my skin since then the wife has not let me touch her,I know sex is not the biggest part of a relationship but it is an important part I have tried now for the 4 years to get her to talk about it but she wont I have tried everything.people tell me to just walk away but its not that simple we have an 8 year old son who is my life and to be without him everyday will kill me I'm at breaking point now how can I walk away without hurting everyone involved."
hey its not going to be the end of the world you will still see your son and if the environment at home is not good ultimately he will benefit from you and your wife being happy apart ,talk to your wife tell her you are going to leave and want to make it as painless as possible

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't listen to other people, they do not know the dynamics of your relationship, you and your wife do.

You need to sit down and talk to your wife and see whether you have a relationship that both of you want to save or if not how you separate amicably for the sake of your son.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If things are that serious - seek some professional advice if you can.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you sure the reason is your circumcision? Seems a petty reason to ruin a relationship over...

I don't know what to say that will help you. But you need to do what's best for everyone. Staying together isn't necessarily best for your child either. Think about it and continue to try and talk to your wife. Good luck.

-Courtney

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I have tried to get her to open up (excuse the pun) but I might as well talk to a brick wall I don't know if its because I had the op and she don't like it she wont tell me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try a break first for a month or to it could make the world of difference

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

she won't go near you because you have been circumcised?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Try a break first for a month or to it could make the world of difference"
that's an idea ill suggest it and see what happens

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

she won't go near you because you have been circumcised?"
when it was first done she said it was horrible it didn't feel right without skin that's the only time she commented its been silence since and no contact

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Are you sure the reason is your circumcision? Seems a petty reason to ruin a relationship over...

-Courtney"
thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

she won't go near you because you have been circumcised?"
.

Some girls just love skin... Are you trying to be a foreskinist deliberately

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been there twice in fact! Yes I'm a shite husband. At 8yr old your son will understand if you and your wife do it amicably and show him that he's not going to lose either of you but rather gain two happy parents. Honesty I've found is always the best policy. I will however say be very prepared for some brutal honesty from your wife. Any kind of relationship breakdown is difficult but if you can remain amicable then you will both find happiness and be happy for each other. I didn't manage any of this but I'm pretty sure number 3 will be much better. Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you have to make it clear to her that this is how you feel... She needs to understand where you're at. I can't believe it'd just be over your dick.. perhaps something else has happened which is troubling her. Either way... you've got to make her realise that its time to talk or else you simply can't take it any more. There's no need to threaten her with you leaving her... but perhaps suggest that it's doing your head in so much you might need to take off for a while to have a think about where you are going as a couple. You two need to talk.

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 17/09/15 00:30:00]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I need some advice please I know I have to leave my wife but I'm finding it hard to walk away.We got married five years ago and have been together for 14 years but for the last 4 years things have not been the same.4 years ago I had to be circumcised due to a big tear on my skin since then the wife has not let me touch her,I know sex is not the biggest part of a relationship but it is an important part I have tried now for the 4 years to get her to talk about it but she wont I have tried everything.people tell me to just walk away but its not that simple we have an 8 year old son who is my life and to be without him everyday will kill me I'm at breaking point now how can I walk away without hurting everyone involved.hey its not going to be the end of the world you will still see your son and if the environment at home is not good ultimately he will benefit from you and your wife being happy apart ,talk to your wife tell her you are going to leave and want to make it as painless as possible "
I know but to not see him everyday is going to be hard that's the bit I cant cope with we went through 5 miscarriages before we had him so he is special to me in every way

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

she won't go near you because you have been circumcised?.

Some girls just love skin... Are you trying to be a foreskinist deliberately

"
I wish I could grow it back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think if your unhappy you should leave, I don't think staying in an unhappy marriage because of children is a good thing, been there and done that, I thought I was doing the right thing at the time looking back it was a big mistake

children pick up on these things and that environment isn't good for them

a happy mum and dad is different houses is better than mum and dad in the same house unhappy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"[Removed by poster at 17/09/15 00:30:00]"

I'm glad you decided against that

-Courtney

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

she won't go near you because you have been circumcised?.

Some girls just love skin... Are you trying to be a foreskinist deliberately

I wish I could grow it back

That's rediculous

you can't help having medical problems if it needed to come off for you health what option did you have

i see this as no different to a guy staying away from his wife after having a mastectomy because he prefers two boobs

it's insensitive

but for some pysical looks mater more

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"[Removed by poster at 17/09/15 00:30:00]

I'm glad you decided against that

-Courtney"

Me too I was about to quote him before he took it off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You both need to talk and be open and honest and try to make it work. Get expert help. I hope you find a happy resolve, i really mean that.

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Been there twice in fact! Yes I'm a shite husband. At 8yr old your son will understand if you and your wife do it amicably and show him that he's not going to lose either of you but rather gain two happy parents. Honesty I've found is always the best policy. I will however say be very prepared for some brutal honesty from your wife. Any kind of relationship breakdown is difficult but if you can remain amicable then you will both find happiness and be happy for each other. I didn't manage any of this but I'm pretty sure number 3 will be much better. Good luck "
I'm an understanding person she is not I know this situation is no good and it needs to be sorted we have problems like everyone does if it turns out that she has a problem with my missing skin that shows how shallow she is in going to do what's best for my boy she is my second wife my first marriage lasted 3 hours lol sepersted after the reception

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I need some advice please I know I have to leave my wife but I'm finding it hard to walk away.We got married five years ago and have been together for 14 years but for the last 4 years things have not been the same.4 years ago I had to be circumcised due to a big tear on my skin since then the wife has not let me touch her,I know sex is not the biggest part of a relationship but it is an important part I have tried now for the 4 years to get her to talk about it but she wont I have tried everything.people tell me to just walk away but its not that simple we have an 8 year old son who is my life and to be without him everyday will kill me I'm at breaking point now how can I walk away without hurting everyone involved.hey its not going to be the end of the world you will still see your son and if the environment at home is not good ultimately he will benefit from you and your wife being happy apart ,talk to your wife tell her you are going to leave and want to make it as painless as possible I know but to not see him everyday is going to be hard that's the bit I cant cope with we went through 5 miscarriages before we had him so he is special to me in every way"

why can you not see him every day?

he's still your son dads don't have to be weekend only because you have split up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been the other side...FFS...talk to her!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think if your unhappy you should leave, I don't think staying in an unhappy marriage because of children is a good thing, been there and done that, I thought I was doing the right thing at the time looking back it was a big mistake

children pick up on these things and that environment isn't good for them

a happy mum and dad is different houses is better than mum and dad in the same house unhappy"
that's the hard part walking away my head is screaming at me to just do one yet my heart is telling me to keep trying

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I've been the other side...FFS...talk to her!"
I have tried so many times she just wont open up she has put her barriers up which is why I'm giving up

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I need some advice please I know I have to leave my wife but I'm finding it hard to walk away.We got married five years ago and have been together for 14 years but for the last 4 years things have not been the same.4 years ago I had to be circumcised due to a big tear on my skin since then the wife has not let me touch her,I know sex is not the biggest part of a relationship but it is an important part I have tried now for the 4 years to get her to talk about it but she wont I have tried everything.people tell me to just walk away but its not that simple we have an 8 year old son who is my life and to be without him everyday will kill me I'm at breaking point now how can I walk away without hurting everyone involved.hey its not going to be the end of the world you will still see your son and if the environment at home is not good ultimately he will benefit from you and your wife being happy apart ,talk to your wife tell her you are going to leave and want to make it as painless as possible I know but to not see him everyday is going to be hard that's the bit I cant cope with we went through 5 miscarriages before we had him so he is special to me in every way

why can you not see him every day?

he's still your son dads don't have to be weekend only because you have split up "
her words are if I walk I can see him every other weekend she is using him as a weapon because she knows it gets to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell her if she's not prepared to talk about her problem you will leave. Then go.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

children pick up on these things and that environment isn't good for them

a happy mum and dad is different houses is better than mum and dad in the same house unhappy

that's the hard part walking away my head is screaming at me to just do one yet my heart is telling me to keep trying"

I've been through it myself

I stayed in an unhappy marriage for years because of my kids, I didn't want to split their family up and take them away from their dad

because we wasn't happy we argued and was quite hostile towards each other and my kids lived through that

biggest mistake of my life and one I regret very much

you can try all you like but some marriage are past fixing

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By *isexmistressWoman
over a year ago

Prestwich

"Don't listen to other people, they do not know the dynamics of your relationship, you and your wife do.

You need to sit down and talk to your wife and see whether you have a relationship that both of you want to save or if not how you separate amicably for the sake of your son.

If it wasnt that the subjects so serious, id be making some huge jokes about the irony of this post..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I need some advice please I know I have to leave my wife but I'm finding it hard to walk away.We got married five years ago and have been together for 14 years but for the last 4 years things have not been the same.4 years ago I had to be circumcised due to a big tear on my skin since then the wife has not let me touch her,I know sex is not the biggest part of a relationship but it is an important part I have tried now for the 4 years to get her to talk about it but she wont I have tried everything.people tell me to just walk away but its not that simple we have an 8 year old son who is my life and to be without him everyday will kill me I'm at breaking point now how can I walk away without hurting everyone involved.hey its not going to be the end of the world you will still see your son and if the environment at home is not good ultimately he will benefit from you and your wife being happy apart ,talk to your wife tell her you are going to leave and want to make it as painless as possible I know but to not see him everyday is going to be hard that's the bit I cant cope with we went through 5 miscarriages before we had him so he is special to me in every way

why can you not see him every day?

he's still your son dads don't have to be weekend only because you have split up her words are if I walk I can see him every other weekend she is using him as a weapon because she knows it gets to me"

I'm afraid she does not get to make that dessision custody of your son will be sorted through the devorce not by her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So first off have you told her you are going to leave her? And its over sex? But you are on here and obviously cheating then? Maybe thats more to do with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So first off have you told her you are going to leave her? And its over sex? But you are on here and obviously cheating then? Maybe thats more to do with it."

why? do you think she guessed 4 years ago he was going to join

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So first off have you told her you are going to leave her? And its over sex? But you are on here and obviously cheating then? Maybe thats more to do with it."

Are you saying he's lying?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So first off have you told her you are going to leave her? And its over sex? But you are on here and obviously cheating then? Maybe thats more to do with it."

What would you do if your partner refused sex and stopped you from leaving by using your child as a threat?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You come to the right place to meet married women, although sit with her a evening and say you need to shag and how can we sort it out.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So first off have you told her you are going to leave her? And its over sex? But you are on here and obviously cheating then? Maybe thats more to do with it."
I haven't cheated on her yes the intention was there but I have not touched another woman I have told her that's when the threats about my son started along with other threats and I don't know what its over she wont talk to me at all its like the great wall of china is between us

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You come to the right place to meet married women, although sit with her a evening and say you need to shag and how can we sort it out."
she would plug the vacuum in for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Kick her out. Leave myself. Take my kids many options including talk it through but not cheat on a site and ask for advice on leaving her for definate. My point was maybe she knows your skinny dipping on here?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You come to the right place to meet married women, although sit with her a evening and say you need to shag and how can we sort it out."
.

Say you need to shag shag

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Kick her out. Leave myself. Take my kids many options including talk it through but not cheat on a site and ask for advice on leaving her for definate. My point was maybe she knows your skinny dipping on here?"

My money's on that rather than the cut dick

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So first off have you told her you are going to leave her? And its over sex? But you are on here and obviously cheating then? Maybe thats more to do with it.I haven't cheated on her yes the intention was there but I have not touched another woman I have told her that's when the threats about my son started along with other threats and I don't know what its over she wont talk to me at all its like the great wall of china is between us"

besides the sex is your marriage ok in every other way

just seems a little odd that if she don't want to have sex with you but going to extreme measures to stop you going

using your son against you to stop you going suggests to me she wants to keep you but for what reason when she can't even go near you anymore

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My money's on that rather than the cut dick"
.

You cynic....

I thought we had an understanding

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Think and take a decision on going, whilst working out where you can live that will allow you to see your son as often as possible.

Inform her that you need to talk. If she refuses then just inform her that you're leaving. Then leave. Let your son know what he means to you and how you want to see him in practice.

Find a lawyer who'll help you organise stuff.

You may or may not get back together but your actions will direct your future happiness as well as your son's well being and time with you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If she won't have sex with him she's being selfish not allowing him to have sex with others. She could be cheating herself. My husband wouldn't come near me when he was fucking someone else,and tried to blame me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If she won't have sex with him she's being selfish not allowing him to have sex with others. She could be cheating herself. My husband wouldn't come near me when he was fucking someone else,and tried to blame me. "

funny you should say that my marriage was sexless for the last 8 years turned out he was having an affair for the last two

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

funny you should say that my marriage was sexless for the last 8 years turned out he was having an affair for the last two "

They want the family to stay together and I don't think my husband liked the idea of someone else having me even though he didn't want me. People can be very selfish.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

funny you should say that my marriage was sexless for the last 8 years turned out he was having an affair for the last two "
.

What happened in the other six?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have taken the hardest step and that is to open up and start to talk rather than bottle things up. However, I dont think this is the right place as you would get a myriad of responses, some agreeing and some in total contrast. This will add to your dilema as now you have numerous other perspectives to evaluate.

I think you need to talk an individual competent of talking you through your feelings and weighing up your options. This will mitigate the strife you feel as it focuses on your morals and ethics which are crucial to whatever action you take. It will also equip you with tools you need for a maje a more productive approach to discuss this with your wife.

This may result in a break-up and it may not but get the advice of a professional in marital councelling. Things will become clearer for you once you start to talk things through but do ut sooner rather than later for your own sanity.

Good luck with everything my friend and I realky hope you can find the solution that meets your needs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 17/09/15 01:17:53]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

funny you should say that my marriage was sexless for the last 8 years turned out he was having an affair for the last two .

What happened in the other six?"

I don't know if he was seeing other women throughout the whole of our marriage he could have been for all i know, or if she was the only one, she's the only one I know about because I found out about her he had no choice but to own up about her but he never admitted to anybody else

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By *andb69Couple
over a year ago

leeds

While I do have sympathy with your situation OP, if your wife doesn't know you are on fab looking for sex and she finds out she will probably divorce you anyway, so your problem would resolve itself. Refusal to have sex is grounds for divorce as is adultery, so the pair of you are destroying your marriage.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't listen to other people, they do not know the dynamics of your relationship, you and your wife do.

You need to sit down and talk to your wife and see whether you have a relationship that both of you want to save or if not how you separate amicably for the sake of your son.

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By *ackspopCouple
over a year ago

Wymondham

"You have taken the hardest step and that is to open up and start to talk rather than bottle things up. However, I dont think this is the right place as you would get a myriad of responses, some agreeing and some in total contrast. This will add to your dilema as now you have numerous other perspectives to evaluate.

Good luck with everything my friend and I realky hope you can find the solution that meets your needs.

Absolutely 100% Completely this. An impartial friend who may say things you might disagree with but will be honest and truthful to you is what you need right now to discuss this situation with. I truly hope you can find that person and you can work this situation through.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is probably going to sound harsh (I'm not known for my tact)...

I think you need to man up, grow a pair and walk out.

If she tries to use your child against you tell her you'll see her in court.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi few good points from posters here. I feel that there's more to this than your circumcision. The fact that your wife has had 5 miscarriages rings alarm bells to me. How is she with yer son? Is she over protective. This can cause stress and anxieties. Your wife sounds like she needs a husband who is there for her. Not someone who is spending his time on a swingers site. Not having a go at you man. Just saying maybe if you communicated with your wife and look for that connection, the one that you talked about in your profile, the one that brought ye together in the first place. Woman crave support and connection and a caring partner who will listen to her and enquire about her day and her needs. Be a good husband. Be who you promised to be in your vows. Cherish her for better for worse. Don't give up on your marriage. It's frustrating when your not getting your needs met. That's how guys connect with women through sex and feeling wanted. Your wife will give that knowing that their heart is safe with you. If you love your wife and wish to work on your marriage. Sit her down and explain that you are sorry for not being there completely and tell her you are there for her now and if she wants to ever talk about anything you are there for her, to listen to her, because you love her. Don't push for quick answers, she probably doesn't know why she feels like she does. Follow through on your promises. Do little things to make her smile. It's tough being a mother. She probably feels alone and disconnected. Help out more. Take a look at yourself and ask your self am I being the best husband I can be. If the answer is no, do something about it.

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By *hazkiandCouple
over a year ago

crawley

If your married and your child is only 8 then you both have full parental rights! The law changed early 2000's, meaning the only way she can stop you seeing your child is for her to apply to court to remove your rights, and thats a long and expensive process,how about if you tell her that you are going to go to relate to talk about whats going on,maybe the thought of you talking to strangers about her will make her wake up and start talking to you!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

talk to her. Simple. Sit down and talk. Get your side across. Let her reply. Go from there.

Relate is a good mediation service too.

Trust me. Kids or not. Living in a soulless marriage is not healthy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I need some advice please I know I have to leave my wife but I'm finding it hard to walk away.We got married five years ago and have been together for 14 years but for the last 4 years things have not been the same.4 years ago I had to be circumcised due to a big tear on my skin since then the wife has not let me touch her,I know sex is not the biggest part of a relationship but it is an important part I have tried now for the 4 years to get her to talk about it but she wont I have tried everything.people tell me to just walk away but its not that simple we have an 8 year old son who is my life and to be without him everyday will kill me I'm at breaking point now how can I walk away without hurting everyone involved."
Maybe tell her you are on Fabswingers asking random swingers for advice on how to leave her. I am sure that would do the trick.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't listen to other people, they do not know the dynamics of your relationship, you and your wife do.

You need to sit down and talk to your wife and see whether you have a relationship that both of you want to save or if not how you separate amicably for the sake of your son.

Definately this way...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can't walk away without hurting anyone, but people cope with stuff and deal with life and you might be giving them a chance to make their life better, and your own.

Idk, you could try and get counselling to save your marriage if you can't sort it out between yourselves, but if you want to go and are sure then you should do that. I don't see the point in living a lie.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you don't seem to mention the married part in your profile !!! Just saying

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi few good points from posters here. I feel that there's more to this than your circumcision. The fact that your wife has had 5 miscarriages rings alarm bells to me. How is she with yer son? Is she over protective. This can cause stress and anxieties. Your wife sounds like she needs a husband who is there for her. Not someone who is spending his time on a swingers site. Not having a go at you man. Just saying maybe if you communicated with your wife and look for that connection, the one that you talked about in your profile, the one that brought ye together in the first place. Woman crave support and connection and a caring partner who will listen to her and enquire about her day and her needs. Be a good husband. Be who you promised to be in your vows. Cherish her for better for worse. Don't give up on your marriage. It's frustrating when your not getting your needs met. That's how guys connect with women through sex and feeling wanted. Your wife will give that knowing that their heart is safe with you. If you love your wife and wish to work on your marriage. Sit her down and explain that you are sorry for not being there completely and tell her you are there for her now and if she wants to ever talk about anything you are there for her, to listen to her, because you love her. Don't push for quick answers, she probably doesn't know why she feels like she does. Follow through on your promises. Do little things to make her smile. It's tough being a mother. She probably feels alone and disconnected. Help out more. Take a look at yourself and ask your self am I being the best husband I can be. If the answer is no, do something about it. "

Best advice if do separate be prepared to have the fact your on this site wether you meet people or not used against you and it will be .

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Ok the man is asking for advice, we all know he is married and on here by his first post, lets not turn the thread into another bashing thread...maybe give advice if you have any

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok the man is asking for advice, we all know he is married and on here by his first post, lets not turn the thread into another bashing thread...maybe give advice if you have any"
none

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

I believe Simon and Garfunkel once released a song on behalf of relate, giving some guidance on methodology.

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By *ipswingCouple
over a year ago

portrush

there is an old paul simon song ...20 ways to leave your lover....

but try and explain how serious the situation between youse are ..before you slip out the door jack ..

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I didn't think being circumcised would put people off sex, so was your sex life OK before then or was she just going through the motions? As you have lost babies before now, is she scared to get pregnant again so won't have sex? Is sex the only thing missing out of your relationship? I have found when a lot of people want to leave it isn't just that that is the problem.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just feel this is totally the wrong place for him to be asking for advice .if really wants it should seek out professional help.

I just feel reading back through it he's made his mind up but just wants someone to justify it for him.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

My one and only advice is to talk to your wife about how you feel and then seek advice from Relate. They will not try and mend your relationship, nor will they try and break you up - they will talk and above all listen to you to help you find a way forward whatever that may look like for you and your family. All the best

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Just feel this is totally the wrong place for him to be asking for advice .if really wants it should seek out professional help.

I just feel reading back through it he's made his mind up but just wants someone to justify it for him."

Who knows, sometimes when people ask for advice on lots of things they already have an idea of what they are going to do anyway. There is nothing wrong with that, it sometimes just confirms what they are thinking.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" My husband wouldn't come near me when he was fucking someone else,and tried to blame me. "

Christ the hypocrisy is breathtaking!

OP I'm sorry for your dilemma. You've tried your best to talk and try to fix things. It takes both parties to work on a marriage. You can't do it alone.

I've tried and failed at that one too.

Now you just need the help and advice to move forward. Relate and a good solicitor so you can see your son. Very best of luck to you xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok the man is asking for advice, we all know he is married and on here by his first post, lets not turn the thread into another bashing thread...maybe give advice if you have any"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

5 miscarriages is a hell of a lot to deal with. Its bound to take its toll on a womans self esteem! She could very well be depressed. I really think you should get professional help before you think of leaving her. If you do care that much for your son, at least give it a go. And at least hide your profile and focus on them for a while.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone on here including me need to remember we are only hearing his side ..

There's his side ,her side and the truth .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't listen to other people, they do not know the dynamics of your relationship, you and your wife do.

You need to sit down and talk to your wife and see whether you have a relationship that both of you want to save or if not how you separate amicably for the sake of your son.

This!

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

"I need some advice please I know I have to leave my wife but I'm finding it hard to walk away.We got married five years ago and have been together for 14 years but for the last 4 years things have not been the same.4 years ago I had to be circumcised due to a big tear on my skin since then the wife has not let me touch her,I know sex is not the biggest part of a relationship but it is an important part I have tried now for the 4 years to get her to talk about it but she wont I have tried everything.people tell me to just walk away but its not that simple we have an 8 year old son who is my life and to be without him everyday will kill me I'm at breaking point now how can I walk away without hurting everyone involved.hey its not going to be the end of the world you will still see your son and if the environment at home is not good ultimately he will benefit from you and your wife being happy apart ,talk to your wife tell her you are going to leave and want to make it as painless as possible "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All these suggestions of walking out and seeing in court is a bit laughable. There would be a long, long way to go before anyone appears in court. It can get and will get shitty a long time before a divorce is granted.

Family member is going through something similar, he hasn't seen his daughter for 2 months.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok the man is asking for advice, we all know he is married and on here by his first post, lets not turn the thread into another bashing thread...maybe give advice if you have any"

Yeah its funny how when earlier in the week a woman was asking for advice on her hubby not having sex with her nobody was having a go at her for being in fab, they was all asking if he was ill, mad or gay and people were offering to come sort her out sexually

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All these suggestions of walking out and seeing in court is a bit laughable. There would be a long, long way to go before anyone appears in court. It can get and will get shitty a long time before a divorce is granted.

Family member is going through something similar, he hasn't seen his daughter for 2 months. "

I hate people who use kids as porn's against their ex partners

They need to take a good look at themselves and realise what shit parents they are by making their own kids suffer for they gratification of seeing her ex hurt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"5 miscarriages is a hell of a lot to deal with. Its bound to take its toll on a womans self esteem! She could very well be depressed. I really think you should get professional help before you think of leaving her. If you do care that much for your son, at least give it a go. And at least hide your profile and focus on them for a while. "

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By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman
over a year ago

stourbridge area

Talking 1:1 is your first step ... if it doesnt work .. counselling .... ask her if she wants to leave???? .... why should you walk away .... trust me the grass is not greener on the other side ...she might want to leave ... or separate for a while to think .

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I haven't read any of the other replies so sorry if I'm repeating them

You can't walk away without hurting everyone involved. The best you can do is protect the one innocent party the best way you can.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Family member is going through something similar, he hasn't seen his daughter for 2 months.

I hate people who use kids as porn's against their ex partners

They need to take a good look at themselves and realise what shit parents they are by making their own kids suffer for they gratification of seeing her ex hurt "

ffs pawns

Freudian slip or what

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't listen to other people, they do not know the dynamics of your relationship, you and your wife do.

You need to sit down and talk to your wife and see whether you have a relationship that both of you want to save or if not how you separate amicably for the sake of your son.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Check out new father for justice first

All women have to do is file a police complaint and keep doing it and then they get a free solicitor

Some women are spiteful and will stop you seeing your kid

It's called parental alienation

My advice is wait till kid grows up or you all be one of the four fathers in this country that does not see his kids

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Family member is going through something similar, he hasn't seen his daughter for 2 months.

Three years since I saw my kid

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" My husband wouldn't come near me when he was fucking someone else,and tried to blame me.

Christ the hypocrisy is breathtaking!

OP I'm sorry for your dilemma. You've tried your best to talk and try to fix things. It takes both parties to work on a marriage. You can't do it alone.

I've tried and failed at that one too.

Now you just need the help and advice to move forward. Relate and a good solicitor so you can see your son. Very best of luck to you xxx"

I wasn't being a hypocrite. I was saying she could be doing the fucking behind his back and depriving him of sex and blaming him. To allay the guilt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

send her round to us for a day..that should do it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's exactly what put me off sex with my ex, scared of getting pregnant again. I told him though and we avoided my fertile time and had loads of oral sex instead most of the time and luckily that worked for us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As for everyone who has been saying she'll stop him seeing his son what about the fathers who move on to new partners /kids and don't bother with their other kids .it happens as my sisters ex did this...wanted access to their kids till his new gf got pregnant and he "dumped " his kids for new family

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As for everyone who has been saying she'll stop him seeing his son what about the fathers who move on to new partners /kids and don't bother with their other kids .it happens as my sisters ex did this...wanted access to their kids till his new gf got pregnant and he "dumped " his kids for new family"

My ex was like that we have split for 7 years now and in that time he has never bought any of them a birthday present Christmas present a pair of shoes a coat a uniform, helped towards their keep in anyway

but not all dads are like that and you can't say sod them all because of the ones that are

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear that

Not all parents are like that true but there's too many on here basically saying she'll stop access.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry to hear that

Not all parents are like that true but there's too many on here basically saying she'll stop access.

If you read the thread he said that

he said she has threatened to only allow him to see his son once a fortnight if he leaves and he wants more access than that

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

He said she threatened him with that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Going to be moaned at for this but we only have his word for it that she said it and as I posted earlier we don't know both sides of the story

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By *izzabelle and well hungCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh.

record all conversations with her.. give her no amunition. Its very easy for women to not let you ever see your child again...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, I really feel for you, apart from the circumcision I am in exactly the same situation. We've had separate bedrooms for 5 years, I still fancy her, she no longer loves me nor fancies me, openly telling me I "no longer float her boat". I have a child who I live for, and just can't leave him. I'd love for her to go but she won't.

Really miss sex and intimacy.

Good luck to you.

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By *fcdTV/TS
over a year ago

Southend

Not sure if this helps but my wife decided she no longer loved me about 4-5 years ago but we can't afford to divorce. We get along well enough most of the time so we live together along with our son but it's effectively a house share. She has a boyfriend, I'm on here. It's not ideal but with house/rent prices being what they are, we don't have much choice.

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By *untimegeekMan
over a year ago

Havant

"So first off have you told her you are going to leave her? And its over sex? But you are on here and obviously cheating then? Maybe thats more to do with it.

What would you do if your partner refused sex and stopped you from leaving by using your child as a threat? "

When my partner did just that we arranged an amicable separation. We divided up the week . I live in the house 3 days with the kids . she stayed 4 .one of us always on duty . that was untill she met some bloke and it went to me 6 days her 1day

. That was untill I shagged a neighbour and now she is back full time the bitch lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd say think about how you feel, present the reasons to your other half, and child if necessary in another way to ensure your child understands and doesn't take it personally etc.

If there's no positive change or understanding from your wife, then you'll have to walk away if you're being honest with yourself - which is a lot better to surely? And happiness for yourself is very important. Don't let material factors intervene in your decision making or you may be in a similar position next year, which won't help anyone.

Ignore or understand the above, definitely do as you think is best. Just ensure you do something if you're unhappy.

Good luck.

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By *ilthygorgeous1Couple
over a year ago

Oxford

None of my business really but Is your wife aware you are on a swingers site looking for FF couples??

I understand things might not be a rose bed at home but I would deal with the situation before you put yourself on the market.

You said you want to walk away without hurting everyone involved but getting found out for being on here could seriously jeopardise the outcome of your break up.

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

What ever you do, don't do it by text.

I would go with the relate suggestion.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you to everyone for taking time to reply I'm going to have a long hard think and decide what's best ill let everyone know how it goes ill see what happens once all the cards are on the table.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Via the back door.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What ever you do, don't do it by text.

I would go with the relate suggestion."
I wont do it by text,ill email her instead lol.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP, I really feel for you, apart from the circumcision I am in exactly the same situation. We've had separate bedrooms for 5 years, I still fancy her, she no longer loves me nor fancies me, openly telling me I "no longer float her boat". I have a child who I live for, and just can't leave him. I'd love for her to go but she won't.

Really miss sex and intimacy.

Good luck to you. "
its a horrible position to be in when a child is involved it just makes things twice as hard

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Talking 1:1 is your first step ... if it doesnt work .. counselling .... ask her if she wants to leave???? .... why should you walk away .... trust me the grass is not greener on the other side ...she might want to leave ... or separate for a while to think .

"
what am I supposed to do sit around and wait for her to make her mind up if she wants me or not ill take her on Jeremy Kyle to get the truth lol I might not fit in though I have still got all my own teeth

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in a similar situation with 2 children. However,I finally left the family home. I met someone on POF, we are now very happy,have a great sex life;we are exploring all sides of our sexual personalities and the children have adapted to the changes pretty well. The hardest thing was to walk away. From that moment each day was happier and easier.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

some folk say this isnt the place to ask for help - but if someone is desperate i dont think it matters who or where you go - the fact you ask is a starting point - you know people are going to be flippant and some are serious but none of that is relevant - there is more going on than simply a circumcision - you obviously have a close bond with your child and wife - maybe talking to someone closer to home may be able to shed some light if your wife wont talk to you about it - most people have been through stuff thats crap and thought there was no way out but there is believe me but its just a trudge to get there xxxxx

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