FabSwingers.com forum: Shy, but want to play

By *ornycouples2014 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

I am part of a couple and have been in the swinging scene for a while but am struggling to let myself go in terms of talking to couples when we go to clubs or playing. I know it frustrates my husband as it is a waste of a night out when we end up not playing, especially when there are some lovely couples that we could be getting to know. Can anyone give me some advice as to how I can loose my inhibitions and start to enjoy this exciting world of swinging?

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By *esi tardkaCouple
over a year ago

acton

When in a club Start by just smiling .. It opens many doors

don't think a lot .. The best way we do is smile to a potential couple or people we want to play with .. If they respond back go and say your hellos ... Talk in general this helps in breaking the ice and loosening up a bit ...hope this help

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have this problem too. We've decided that because I'm the more nervous one, I will let Marc know which couples I fancy, and if he agrees, he will be the first one to say something to them - with me there, of course. It had worked well so far.

Have you tried letting your husband take the lead? Maybe he is more outgoing?

-Courtney

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

the first couple of times we went to a club we sat back and watched - now we chat to anybody - started by standing near the bar as people will let on and say hi - often a conversation starts and youre chatting before you realise it - dont ever think of it as a wasted evening if you dont play - we love the atmosphere and sounds etc and find it a huge turn on - go and have our own fun if nobody to play with

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I am part of a couple and have been in the swinging scene for a while but am struggling to let myself go in terms of talking to couples when we go to clubs or playing. I know it frustrates my husband as it is a waste of a night out when we end up not playing, especially when there are some lovely couples that we could be getting to know. Can anyone give me some advice as to how I can loose my inhibitions and start to enjoy this exciting world of swinging? "

It's not just you involved, your husband should be helping you by encouraging you not by getting frustrated over the waste of a night out (which is incredibly disrespectful of you considering he spent it on your company).

Stop going is my advice until the pressure to play is removed and ease yourself into things with a couple of private social meets. Consider very carefully if this is really what you want then ask your husband to support you with patience and understanding.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have this problem too. We've decided that because I'm the more nervous one, I will let Marc know which couples I fancy, and if he agrees, he will be the first one to say something to them - with me there, of course. It had worked well so far.

Have you tried letting your husband take the lead? Maybe he is more outgoing?

-Courtney"

This is great advice. I'm great at arranging meets/chatting on here/sorting the finer details and taking the lead at private meets. In a club though my OH tends to take more of a lead re striking up conversations with complete strangers. Once he does though, it's all hands on deck as it were

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By *ornycouples2014 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

Some great advice here guys, thank you very much. My hubby does tend to take the lead but I just seem to withdraw and start to think that people can't possibly be interested in playing with me. I know its about self confidence, which I lack, and was looking of ways to change my state of mind. I think maybe its time to unleash the inner beast in me and forget about what others think of me and start enjoying life...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some great advice here guys, thank you very much. My hubby does tend to take the lead but I just seem to withdraw and start to think that people can't possibly be interested in playing with me. I know its about self confidence, which I lack, and was looking of ways to change my state of mind. I think maybe its time to unleash the inner beast in me and forget about what others think of me and start enjoying life...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Complete yes to this!

Be confident in yourself. You're probably a wonderful, attractive person. Enjoy yourself.

-Courtney

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My first wife and I used to swing , she to was dead shy, so we kept it simple, she would read profiles and let me know who she liked look of and I set up social meeting and take things from there - we tried the whole club thing and odd party even, but it scared more often than not - good luck but be patient it will eventually all fall into place

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think what you might need is a friendly couple who go to clubs on a regular basis ? Maybe meet and chat to them! Become friends with them then go along with them

I'm sure that having someone there how's know will attract people who will just come over and say high ?

Well this is the approach we are going to try but we do have a lovely couple to go with

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