FabSwingers.com forum: Disclosed Abuse

By *rbusyhands OP Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

I've had a few meets (out of many) were later on someone has disclosed they had been previously abused...

Whilst I don't mind it (them telling me) and am happy to lend 'some' support (i'm not a professional)...How do you react if someone you meet discloses this?

Has this happened to you? and what did you do?

I usually lend a sympathetic ear, offer advise on professional organisations I know of and just try to be somewhat supportive within the limitations of the relationship dynamic ie they might be a stranger or fb a first or second meet.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *abloversCouple
over a year ago

London

Very deep for a first meet. We have never experienced it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would consider it wildly inappropriate for both the context of your acquaintance and the fact that you barely know each other.

Beyond advising that they get professional support, I wouldnt be meeting them again.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would consider it wildly inappropriate for both the context of your acquaintance and the fact that you barely know each other.

Beyond advising that they get professional support, I wouldnt be meeting them again. "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've had a few meets (out of many) were later on someone has disclosed they had been previously abused...

Whilst I don't mind it (them telling me) and am happy to lend 'some' support (i'm not a professional)...How do you react if someone you meet discloses this?

Has this happened to you? and what did you do?

"
I met a woman last year in Liverpool we had a great social evening in the bars around the town centre and got on really well so organised to go back booked hotel went out again saw a great live band went back to hotel, in room we were in bed and she told me she had had a bad experience with a previous partner and although we had sex she was almost motionless and didn't make any effort at all so I just had to cuddle her In the end ,she wanted to meet again

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sadly some people - both male and female - think that this is the place to start a relationship. Sex being the key.

They obviously felt that you cared and triggered an emotional response in them that they felt that they could tell you this.

Best thing you can do is signpost them to various agencies and take a step back. If you do get involved it would be extremely inappropriate given the context of how you met as said above.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Are they telling you because they want you to help them or are they telling you so that they can explain why they either won't do certain things, why they react certain ways to things etc

It's their story to be told to whomever they want whenever they want to, there is no right or wrong in them choosing to disclose it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's happened a few times and we generally show some sympathy , then make our excuses and get out of there asap .

Cold , heartless and maybe selfish too , but we swing for fun , end of .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire

Maybe some find it easier to open up to a stranger that they've just been intimate with.

There isn't much more you can do other than as offer a friendly ear, give them a hug and point them in the right direction of support. Maybe they just found a bit of relief in saying it aloud.

It's understandable if you feel they are overstepping and choose not to see them again. Maybe take it as a compliment that they felt they could open up to you. You obviously come across as being trustworthy.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

Maybe you're like me. Apparently I have very trustworthy eyes and everyone ends up opening up to me, including people I've just met.

It's not exactly the best foreplay though and means that people get emotionally attached quickly.

- Amy. x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've got it on my profile i'm feeling vulnerable lately but i don't really wanna explain why, it's there to make people understand i don't want them making me feel like shit about myself because right now i'm dealing with something (i still want sex though).

But i can understand how abuse works, sometimes you just can't handle how it's left you feeling, it can take time to work through the confusion it brings to you about yourself and it can play on your mind at the most inappropriate times. They also might not have anyone else they can trust and just need to open up to anyone. I think sending them to someone who cares and is more qualified to help them is the best thing to do.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's happened a few times and we generally show some sympathy , then make our excuses and get out of there asap .

Cold , heartless and maybe selfish too , but we swing for fun , end of ."

True

I have my own problems but I wouldn't dream of burdening people I meet off here with them and I would expect the same

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Kind of a few threw me, (and as one who is in a relationship with someone who has been raped)

Can't understand why you attract them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I don't think it's appropriate if you get to know someone then its different.

If there are certain things they can't/won't do because of their past then it should be discussed before the meet, but I wouldn't want someone to tell me stuff like that the first time I met them as I would be there to be having fun not as a councillor

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread