FabSwingers.com forum: Less of a man.

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Just wondering if all you fabbers can help me out with this.

Does not having any kids make you less of a man.

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By *tillup4funMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

No why should it having no balls now that's differant

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/09/15 20:22:13]

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By *edangel_2013Woman
over a year ago

southend

You are a similar age to me. Does me not having kids make me less of a woman?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Kids are overrated burdens, imo. Love mine but have realised how much of life i've missed out on by having them and being their main carer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No it don't. I don't ever want kids, to busy with bodybuilding

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Kids are overrated burdens, imo. Love mine but have realised how much of life i've missed out on by having them and being their main carer."
Jesus that's a very odd statement from a parent?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You make a good point Redangel. So does it make women fell less of a woman to.

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

I think of it more as intelligently refusing to contribute to rampant overpopulation by submitting to cultural norms and biological imperatives.

Stay strong...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just wondering if all you fabbers can help me out with this.

Does not having any kids make you less of a man."

If anything, it makes you more of a man, especially if you are an empathic and caring father. Makes you a better prospective partner

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think of it more as intelligently refusing to contribute to rampant overpopulation by submitting to cultural norms and biological imperatives.

Stay strong..."
reproduction is what you were born to do!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/09/15 20:40:01]

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By *edangel_2013Woman
over a year ago

southend

"You make a good point Redangel. So does it make women fell less of a woman to."

Doesn't make me feel less of a woman. If anything I think I'm a better woman. I know myself well enough to know I would not make a great mum. I'm too selfish.

And I don't believe I was born to reproduce.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think of it more as intelligently refusing to contribute to rampant overpopulation by submitting to cultural norms and biological imperatives.

Stay strong..."

Paying from your own pocket to create another taxpayer.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Affectionate Bitch, so when I comes to their turn to care for you, will you fell the same.

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By *layfulserfMan
over a year ago

Northolt

not at all - don't be silly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You make a good point Redangel. So does it make women fell less of a woman to.

Doesn't make me feel less of a woman. If anything I think I'm a better woman. I know myself well enough to know I would not make a great mum. I'm too selfish.

And I don't believe I was born to reproduce."
the rules of natural selection would suggest otherwise?

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By *layfulserfMan
over a year ago

Northolt

It can make some women feel incomplete

The urge to be a mother can be very strong and there can be a strong feeling that that something is missing from their lives

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By *lle adie 2Woman
over a year ago

newcastle upon tyne

Just because not a dad doesn't mean you're less of. Person..

My ex wasn't my child's father but he is his dad..my son never speaks to his sperm donor..

Still close to the man that brought him up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No.

the only measure of manliness is that which we make for ourselves so I'd think every man's experience of machoism is different and varied if they've had children or not.

I never had children and I still experience the same range of emotion as any man, from horrible lows to feeling like i could tear down king Kong and everything in between so am im manly?

Sometimes yes.

Sometimes no.

Still, it'd be nice to know if your balls worked

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Just wondering if all you fabbers can help me out with this.

Does not having any kids make you less of a man.

If anything, it makes you more of a man, especially if you are an empathic and caring father. Makes you a better prospective partner

Good point but I know plenty of faters that are good to their kids but not at all a good to their partners."

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By *edangel_2013Woman
over a year ago

southend

My sister is desperate for children. She can't have them naturally. She is going to adopt. I can have children. I've never wanted them. On a base level, yes, we need to reproduce to ensure the future of the human race. That doesn't mean everyone should.

My Dad isn't my biological father. But he's my Dad and that is a stronger bond than any winning sperm.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It can make some women feel incomplete

The urge to be a mother can be very strong and there can be a strong feeling that that something is missing from their lives"

My point exactly, when I see friends and family with their kids it sometime makes me feel that I missing something in my life

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Not every man/woman is paternal/maternal and for some it just never happened, I don't think of anyone any differently whether they do or do not have children

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"No.

the only measure of manliness is that which we make for ourselves so I'd think every man's experience of machoism is different and varied if they've had children or not.

I never had children and I still experience the same range of emotion as any man, from horrible lows to feeling like i could tear down king Kong and everything in between so am im manly?

Sometimes yes.

Sometimes no.

Still, it'd be nice to know if your balls worked

Yes they do work, one off the best responses I have gotten so far. Get the highs and lows to, Mostly lows. But find the will to keep on moving.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Not every man/woman is paternal/maternal and for some it just never happened, I don't think of anyone any differently whether they do or do not have children

Funny you say that as the Government housing told me I not a priority cause I a single guy and sure some women have run into the same problem.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not every man/woman is paternal/maternal and for some it just never happened, I don't think of anyone any differently whether they do or do not have children

Funny you say that as the Government housing told me I not a priority cause I a single guy and sure some women have run into the same problem."

Obviously children take priority. You can be non paternal and still appreciate a child deserves to be housed more than an adult.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How about those out there who cant have kids due to a medical condition

Always wanted a child, but fire blanks due to medical neglect 20 years ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just wondering if all you fabbers can help me out with this.

Does not having any kids make you less of a man."

No it does'nt but having kids and then not doing anything for them, makes you less of a man in my view.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had my children very young and I love them more than life itself. However I do think my life could have been very different. I think it's human nature to think of what might have been sometimes.

However had I not had children by now I wouldn't have felt any less of a woman for it. So it seems a little sad that you may feel that way OP.

Children enrich our lives but they do not complete it.

It's always been very important for me to keep my own identity as well as my mummy one. Does that make me less of a parent? . Point is you are you regardless of any other positions in life you hold.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Kids are overrated burdens, imo. Love mine but have realised how much of life i've missed out on by having them and being their main carer.

Jesus that's a very odd statement from a parent?"

Why? They're here and i don't resent them, i'm just very much aware of how much i've had to give up for them to be here. They are burdens, and having kids is overrated, imo.

Now i've got time for myself to do what i want i've realised just how much i wanted from life before i had them, and that i gave that up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ive always felt too much of a kid myself to be a dad. I dont think it makes me less of a man. Just makes me sensible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How about those out there who cant have kids due to a medical condition

Always wanted a child, but fire blanks due to medical neglect 20 years ago "

You can have children still, via adoption.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Affectionate Bitch, so when I comes to their turn to care for you, will you fell the same."

I've told them to shove me in a home but to make sure i'm looked after properly and not abused. I didn't give them life to look after me.

As a carer myself i know how hard it is to look after someone else and don't want them to take on that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How about those out there who cant have kids due to a medical condition

Always wanted a child, but fire blanks due to medical neglect 20 years ago

You can have children still, via adoption. "

My daughter can't have kids, she's looked into adoption, not for now because she's only 21 but for later, you should see the criteria for adoption, the paperwork you get on it is a three week read

it's really hard to adopt, they told her a good 90% who apply are rejected and even if you are accepted most never get a child

a lucky few hit the jack pot, my cousin adopted a little boy but she realised how lucky she was to get him and most never get a child

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"And I don't believe I was born to reproduce.

the rules of natural selection would suggest otherwise?"

Natural selection works on a species level, you can't apply it to an individual!!

That's like saying that statistically all humans are male because you are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How about those out there who cant have kids due to a medical condition

Always wanted a child, but fire blanks due to medical neglect 20 years ago

You can have children still, via adoption.

My daughter can't have kids, she's looked into adoption, not for now because she's only 21 but for later, you should see the criteria for adoption, the paperwork you get on it is a three week read

it's really hard to adopt, they told her a good 90% who apply are rejected and even if you are accepted most never get a child

a lucky few hit the jack pot, my cousin adopted a little boy but she realised how lucky she was to get him and most never get a child "

I've looked into it, too. It can be tough to get approved but it's still an option for that bloke if he's that desperate to have children.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And I don't believe I was born to reproduce.

the rules of natural selection would suggest otherwise?

Natural selection works on a species level, you can't apply it to an individual!!

That's like saying that statistically all humans are male because you are."
No it's not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just wondering if all you fabbers can help me out with this.

Does not having any kids make you less of a man."

Being a man is about how you conduct yourself and how you treat people not about getting someome pregnant.

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"Not every man/woman is paternal/maternal and for some it just never happened, I don't think of anyone any differently whether they do or do not have children

Funny you say that as the Government housing told me I not a priority cause I a single guy and sure some women have run into the same problem.

Obviously children take priority. You can be non paternal and still appreciate a child deserves to be housed more than an adult. "

In my opinion the OPs response (middle paragraph) says more about him than lack of children...

Nita

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I had my children very young and I love them more than life itself. However I do think my life could have been very different. I think it's human nature to think of what might have been sometimes.

However had I not had children by now I wouldn't have felt any less of a woman for it. So it seems a little sad that you may feel that way OP.

Children enrich our lives but they do not complete it.

It's always been very important for me to keep my own identity as well as my mummy one. Does that make me less of a parent? . Point is you are you regardless of any other positions in life you hold. "

It certainly does not make you less of a woman, and having a mom identity and your own is great as the kids can see how much you care for them.

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"And I don't believe I was born to reproduce.

the rules of natural selection would suggest otherwise?

Natural selection works on a species level, you can't apply it to an individual!!

That's like saying that statistically all humans are male because you are.

No it's not. "

Well argued. I submit to your superior logically presented position.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Not every man/woman is paternal/maternal and for some it just never happened, I don't think of anyone any differently whether they do or do not have children

Funny you say that as the Government housing told me I not a priority cause I a single guy and sure some women have run into the same problem.

Obviously children take priority. You can be non paternal and still appreciate a child deserves to be housed more than an adult.

In my opinion the OPs response (middle paragraph) says more about him than lack of children...

Nita

Only saying how the government look at people without kids and it makes me feel less of a man when you are cauterized like that and being told to your face that's the way it is.

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

Cauterized is a bit strong?

I'm not a parent, but if it's a choice between some kid sleeping rough and me doing it...

Big Issue sir? Madam?

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By *rinking-in-laCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

"Cauterized is a bit strong?

I'm not a parent, but if it's a choice between some kid sleeping rough and me doing it...

Big Issue sir? Madam?

Sorry mate already got one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't have kids after being ill and I'm now missing organs. I don't feel like I'm any less of a person plus I have 2 amazing nephews I can spend time with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not every man/woman is paternal/maternal and for some it just never happened, I don't think of anyone any differently whether they do or do not have children

Funny you say that as the Government housing told me I not a priority cause I a single guy and sure some women have run into the same problem.

Obviously children take priority. You can be non paternal and still appreciate a child deserves to be housed more than an adult.

In my opinion the OPs response (middle paragraph) says more about him than lack of children...

Nita

Only saying how the government look at people without kids and it makes me feel less of a man when you are cauterized like that and being told to your face that's the way it is. "

I've been pregnant with a toddler and told to do one. Ended up in a bedsit in a shared house, no hot water for a bath so had to bath in the baby bath like my son did. I only got social housing 8 months later once the bedsits got condemned as not being fit to live in. So not all people with kids get anything coz there's nothing to give them either.

It's not a failing as a man to not be able to afford your own home and place to live - which might be your real issue here. It's many faults of the system that cares more about money than it does about welfare. It probably has to care about money though because although we have an endless supply of volunteers, charities, generous tax payers who are struggling financially themselves too, but we also have an endless supply of the needy and nobody cares to change that.

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By *ark074Man
over a year ago

nottingham

Being a good parent is simultaneously the hardest and yet most rewarding task in the world.

I have friends who can not conceive. And I know they would be brilliant parents.

However there is a certain pride I take about how quickly I "helped" my children's Mother conceive.

It's a man thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

not at all

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Cauterized is a bit strong?

I'm not a parent, but if it's a choice between some kid sleeping rough and me doing it...

Big Issue sir? Madam?

Sorry mate already got one.

Well in N.Ireland it normal for the government to categorize men that are single.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Being a good parent is simultaneously the hardest and yet most rewarding task in the world.

I have friends who can not conceive. And I know they would be brilliant parents.

However there is a certain pride I take about how quickly I "helped" my children's Mother conceive.

It's a man thing.

Think you right it a man thing. Has been for centuries.

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By *ark074Man
over a year ago

nottingham

Millennium.

And beyond.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not every man/woman is paternal/maternal and for some it just never happened, I don't think of anyone any differently whether they do or do not have children

Funny you say that as the Government housing told me I not a priority cause I a single guy and sure some women have run into the same problem."

So you want kids to have access to housing?

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

Ah, we have a spelling issue

You didn't mean Cauterized. You meant categorised.

Categorised as what though?

Whatever, would you really have a kid unhoused so you could have somewhere? Really?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Not every man/woman is paternal/maternal and for some it just never happened, I don't think of anyone any differently whether they do or do not have children

Funny you say that as the Government housing told me I not a priority cause I a single guy and sure some women have run into the same problem.

Obviously children take priority. You can be non paternal and still appreciate a child deserves to be housed more than an adult.

In my opinion the OPs response (middle paragraph) says more about him than lack of children...

Nita

Only saying how the government look at people without kids and it makes me feel less of a man when you are cauterized like that and being told to your face that's the way it is.

So you assuming I can't afford a house. Never said anything about not being financially sound. That where you wrong.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Not every man/woman is paternal/maternal and for some it just never happened, I don't think of anyone any differently whether they do or do not have children

Funny you say that as the Government housing told me I not a priority cause I a single guy and sure some women have run into the same problem.

Obviously children take priority. You can be non paternal and still appreciate a child deserves to be housed more than an adult.

In my opinion the OPs response (middle paragraph) says more about him than lack of children...

Nita

Only saying how the government look at people without kids and it makes me feel less of a man when you are cauterized like that and being told to your face that's the way it is.

So you assuming I can't afford a house. Never said anything about not being financially sound. That where you wrong. "
there no one building one bedroom apartment over here no more they all owned by the housing here. So would you rather me take a 2 bedroom, 3 bedroom house private rent house and not let a family that really needs it out on the street. N.Ireland works different.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ah, we have a spelling issue

You didn't mean Cauterized. You meant categorised.

Categorised as what though?

Whatever, would you really have a kid unhoused so you could have somewhere? Really?"

No I would not have a kid to get housing. I would only have a kid if I was in a loving relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not every man/woman is paternal/maternal and for some it just never happened, I don't think of anyone any differently whether they do or do not have children

Funny you say that as the Government housing told me I not a priority cause I a single guy and sure some women have run into the same problem.

Obviously children take priority. You can be non paternal and still appreciate a child deserves to be housed more than an adult.

In my opinion the OPs response (middle paragraph) says more about him than lack of children...

Nita

Only saying how the government look at people without kids and it makes me feel less of a man when you are cauterized like that and being told to your face that's the way it is.

So you assuming I can't afford a house. Never said anything about not being financially sound. That where you wrong. "

Yes i assumed. Housing application is given to those who need it. Either because of emergency (and this applies to single males too) or because they can't afford a mortgage and home of their own and are homeless. Vulnerable people are given priority and are pretty much the only people guaranteed to get on the housing list these days.

This topic is very confusing also.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Not every man/woman is paternal/maternal and for some it just never happened, I don't think of anyone any differently whether they do or do not have children

Funny you say that as the Government housing told me I not a priority cause I a single guy and sure some women have run into the same problem.

So you want kids to have access to housing?"

No your are sick if you think that, I don't want any kids. Was say what the housing advised me I could do but told them that was not a reason to have a kid.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Not every man/woman is paternal/maternal and for some it just never happened, I don't think of anyone any differently whether they do or do not have children

Funny you say that as the Government housing told me I not a priority cause I a single guy and sure some women have run into the same problem.

Obviously children take priority. You can be non paternal and still appreciate a child deserves to be housed more than an adult.

In my opinion the OPs response (middle paragraph) says more about him than lack of children...

Nita

Only saying how the government look at people without kids and it makes me feel less of a man when you are cauterized like that and being told to your face that's the way it is.

So you assuming I can't afford a house. Never said anything about not being financially sound. That where you wrong.

This topic is very confusing also."

I was in need was living on the street and still got the same reaction.

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By *oward1978Man
over a year ago

Rotherham

"Just wondering if all you fabbers can help me out with this.

Does not having any kids make you less of a man."

Of course not! It's just a matter of personal choice like anything else. I have no interest in ever having kids myself. They don't interest me in the slightest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So would you rather me take a 2 bedroom, 3 bedroom house private rent house and not let a family that really needs it out on the street. N.Ireland works different."

You wouldn't even be offered a social flat anyway, only a list of private landlords (if they even bother doing that these days, nobody round here does). Even if they had flats going spare they'd be offered to the vulnerable and not someone who can afford a private rent. This might suck but your problem is not a lack of kids, it's the fact that you aren't vulnerable and they cannot help you.

Take a private home if you want to. If it's empty you're not making any families homeless.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And I don't believe I was born to reproduce.

the rules of natural selection would suggest otherwise?

Natural selection works on a species level, you can't apply it to an individual!!

That's like saying that statistically all humans are male because you are.

No it's not.

Well argued. I submit to your superior logically presented position. "
When you present a coherent retort I will provide a suitable response. Your last comments make no sense, statistically !

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

I've now got less idea what this is about than I did at the start.

Good luck OP, hope it gets sorted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bloody hope not since I'm a childless woman, so what would it say about me?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Bloody hope not since I'm a childless woman, so what would it say about me?

Look your laws on housing are different than N.Ireland so can't answer that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not every man/woman is paternal/maternal and for some it just never happened, I don't think of anyone any differently whether they do or do not have children

Funny you say that as the Government housing told me I not a priority cause I a single guy and sure some women have run into the same problem.

Obviously children take priority. You can be non paternal and still appreciate a child deserves to be housed more than an adult.

In my opinion the OPs response (middle paragraph) says more about him than lack of children...

Nita

Only saying how the government look at people without kids and it makes me feel less of a man when you are cauterized like that and being told to your face that's the way it is.

So you assuming I can't afford a house. Never said anything about not being financially sound. That where you wrong. "

Well maybe, just maybe that is why you can;t get social housing?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No your are sick if you think that, I don't want any kids. Was say what the housing advised me I could do but told them that was not a reason to have a kid."

If you don't want kids what's the problem?

I can understand men and women who can't have kids feeling less of a man or woman because they may feel its what they are supposed to do and feel they have let their partner down

Just want to make it 100% clear that's not my opinion I just know people who do feel like that

But if you choose to not have kids why would you feel your personal choice make you feel less of a man or even care what other people's opinion on your life choice is

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've now got less idea what this is about than I did at the start.

Good luck OP, hope it gets sorted. "

Not the only one.

Words have been twisted and the question lost in bullshit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The bit about government priorities etc...yeah I have to admit it does bug me when all the focus is on "hard working families", "mums at the school gates" etc. as if childless adults are somehow less of a contribution to society than people who continually choose to breed despite lacking the means to properly care for them (not just monetary).

But - children are more vulnerable than adults, so by default, children should be prioritised when it comes to social housing etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think of it more as intelligently refusing to contribute to rampant overpopulation by submitting to cultural norms and biological imperatives.

Stay strong..."

Right on brother!

What he said!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

This I not about housing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not every man/woman is paternal/maternal and for some it just never happened, I don't think of anyone any differently whether they do or do not have children

Funny you say that as the Government housing told me I not a priority cause I a single guy and sure some women have run into the same problem.

Obviously children take priority. You can be non paternal and still appreciate a child deserves to be housed more than an adult.

In my opinion the OPs response (middle paragraph) says more about him than lack of children...

Nita

Only saying how the government look at people without kids and it makes me feel less of a man when you are cauterized like that and being told to your face that's the way it is.

So you assuming I can't afford a house. Never said anything about not being financially sound. That where you wrong. there no one building one bedroom apartment over here no more they all owned by the housing here. So would you rather me take a 2 bedroom, 3 bedroom house private rent house and not let a family that really needs it out on the street. N.Ireland works different."

A quick Google search shows that there are 1 bedroom flats for sale and rent in Newtonards...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This I not about housing."

So what is it about? Because that is the route you and you alone steered this thread.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Cause everyone I know keeps asking me, when the kids coming and do I not feel less of a man, or feel like there something missing in my life. And it got me thinking.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cause everyone I know keeps asking me, when the kids coming and do I not feel less of a man, or feel like there something missing in my life. And it got me thinking. "

What

I think you need to change your circle of friends if they are asking if you feel less of a man

That's outraged me and its fuck all to do with me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is this a 30 minute debate or a full 60.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Not every man/woman is paternal/maternal and for some it just never happened, I don't think of anyone any differently whether they do or do not have children

Funny you say that as the Government housing told me I not a priority cause I a single guy and sure some women have run into the same problem.

Obviously children take priority. You can be non paternal and still appreciate a child deserves to be housed more than an adult.

In my opinion the OPs response (middle paragraph) says more about him than lack of children...

Nita

Only saying how the government look at people without kids and it makes me feel less of a man when you are cauterized like that and being told to your face that's the way it is.

A quick Google search shows that there are 1 bedroom flats for sale and rent in Newtonards..."
I have a place, now. Was saying what the government advised what I could do.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Not every man/woman is paternal/maternal and for some it just never happened, I don't think of anyone any differently whether they do or do not have children

Funny you say that as the Government housing told me I not a priority cause I a single guy and sure some women have run into the same problem.

Obviously children take priority. You can be non paternal and still appreciate a child deserves to be housed more than an adult.

In my opinion the OPs response (middle paragraph) says more about him than lack of children...

Nita

Only saying how the government look at people without kids and it makes me feel less of a man when you are cauterized like that and being told to your face that's the way it is.

A quick Google search shows that there are 1 bedroom flats for sale and rent in Newtonards... I have a place, now. Was saying what the government advised what I could do."
and don't live in ards anymore.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cause everyone I know keeps asking me, when the kids coming and do I not feel less of a man, or feel like there something missing in my life. And it got me thinking.

What

I think you need to change your circle of friends if they are asking if you feel less of a man

That's outraged me and its fuck all to do with me

Do you believe it's true? I don't. I mean EVERYONE asks him if he feels less of a man? EVERYONE?!

Sounds like utter rubbish to me.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

The man was only making a point about the housing in relation to what someone else said, I am not sure why people are getting hung up on it instead of the question.

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By *ohnaronMan
over a year ago

london

"Just wondering if all you fabbers can help me out with this.

Does not having any kids make you less of a man."

There was a prog on the radio maybe a year back about a secret study done in a london hospital maternity unit comparing the dna of mother, baby, and supposed father. Results were that one in six of men was not the biological father.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cause everyone I know keeps asking me, when the kids coming and do I not feel less of a man, or feel like there something missing in my life. And it got me thinking.

What

I think you need to change your circle of friends if they are asking if you feel less of a man

That's outraged me and its fuck all to do with me

Do you believe it's true? I don't. I mean EVERYONE asks him if he feels less of a man? EVERYONE?!

Sounds like utter rubbish to me. "

Maybe he is referring to Everyone who means something to him.

I didn't have kids till later on in life and I can remember it felt like at times that everyone kept banging on about when I was going to reproduce!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The man was only making a point about the housing in relation to what someone else said, I am not sure why people are getting hung up on it instead of the question.

Thanks someone with a bit of sense.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just wondering if all you fabbers can help me out with this.

Does not having any kids make you less of a man."

Just a richer one

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By *is_irtygirlCouple
over a year ago

somewhere out there

"Not every man/woman is paternal/maternal and for some it just never happened, I don't think of anyone any differently whether they do or do not have children

Funny you say that as the Government housing told me I not a priority cause I a single guy and sure some women have run into the same problem.

Obviously children take priority. You can be non paternal and still appreciate a child deserves to be housed more than an adult.

In my opinion the OPs response (middle paragraph) says more about him than lack of children...

Nita

Only saying how the government look at people without kids and it makes me feel less of a man when you are cauterized like that and being told to your face that's the way it is. "

Then do what millions of other single people do in this country and rent privately?

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By *is_irtygirlCouple
over a year ago

somewhere out there

"Kids are overrated burdens, imo. Love mine but have realised how much of life i've missed out on by having them and being their main carer."

Totally understand what you are saying. I love my now adult girls but I'm not at all paternal. Both of them were unplanned and if I had my life over I would have used bloody rubbers!

Him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Kids are overrated burdens, imo. Love mine but have realised how much of life i've missed out on by having them and being their main carer.

Totally understand what you are saying. I love my now adult girls but I'm not at all paternal. Both of them were unplanned and if I had my life over I would have used bloody rubbers!

Him"

Awww

I don't know how anybody can look at their kids and wish they had never had them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel oppressed by the reproductive binary

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm man enough to wait until the time is right for me to have children, ie when I'm with a woman I love with all my heart, I have a safe and secure home to raise them in, a job that can pay all our bills, and the mentality to realise that this is the most important thing I will do in my entire life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm man enough to wait until the time is right for me to have children, ie when I'm with a woman I love with all my heart, I have a safe and secure home to raise them in, a job that can pay all our bills, and the mentality to realise that this is the most important thing I will do in my entire life."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The man was only making a point about the housing in relation to what someone else said, I am not sure why people are getting hung up on it instead of the question.

Thanks someone with a bit of sense."

If you want kids go for it and be prepared for all the responsibilities that comes with it. Making decisions and being responsible for your actions makes you a man or woman, kids or no kids. Housing or any other state benefits can't be an incentive for having kids considering that a 5yr old's birthday party will cost you £500.00. or more. Kids are a joy but not cheap. You have to be a man

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By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London

"I think of it more as intelligently refusing to contribute to rampant overpopulation by submitting to cultural norms and biological imperatives.

Stay strong... reproduction is what you were born to do!"

Um what now?!!!

Utter bollocks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Kids are overrated burdens, imo. Love mine but have realised how much of life i've missed out on by having them and being their main carer.

Totally understand what you are saying. I love my now adult girls but I'm not at all paternal. Both of them were unplanned and if I had my life over I would have used bloody rubbers!

Him"

I didn't feel this way until they stopped needing me and i could have a bit more of a life, then i realised shit i spend years not having anything for me and that it was a bit crap.

Been hard work at times too and i could have done without that.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

"Kids are overrated burdens, imo. Love mine but have realised how much of life i've missed out on by having them and being their main carer."

You should have given them to someone who deserved them then. I've never been more disgusted by a comment in my life. You will be an 'overrated burden' one day and I hope they leave you to rot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Kids are overrated burdens, imo. --Love mine-- but have realised how much of life i've missed out on by having them and being their main carer.

You should have given them to someone who deserved them then. I've never been more disgusted by a comment in my life. You will be an 'overrated burden' one day and I hope they leave you to rot. "

Chose to ignore the love mine bit though? And the fact that i've missed out on a lot of life by actually bringing them up. Sanctinmouous crap.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sanctimonious even.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

"Kids are overrated burdens, imo. --Love mine-- but have realised how much of life i've missed out on by having them and being their main carer.

You should have given them to someone who deserved them then. I've never been more disgusted by a comment in my life. You will be an 'overrated burden' one day and I hope they leave you to rot.

Chose to ignore the love mine bit though? And the fact that i've missed out on a lot of life by actually bringing them up. Sanctinmouous crap."

You might 'love' them but who the fuck calls their kids an 'overrated burden'?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Kids are overrated burdens, imo. --Love mine-- but have realised how much of life i've missed out on by having them and being their main carer.

You should have given them to someone who deserved them then. I've never been more disgusted by a comment in my life. You will be an 'overrated burden' one day and I hope they leave you to rot.

Chose to ignore the love mine bit though? And the fact that i've missed out on a lot of life by actually bringing them up. Sanctinmouous crap.

You might 'love' them but who the fuck calls their kids an 'overrated burden'? "

They are overrated. Loads of people fantasise about having kids, then they come along and these same people get depressed not realising how much they have to give up for them. 18 years of your life, gone. Loads of men just walk out on them coz they can't be bothered with their kids as well, so it's not just my opinion is it.

Mine have been a burden, they don't know that and have never been treated like they are but i think most people don't realise just how hard it will be. They were my burdens and i took them on, but if i feel this way then tough, i can say that if i want to, will never say it to them that's all. that's the reality of having kids, you have to give up on pretty much everything you wanted for them.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

I've raised my child alone and not once have I thought that she's a burden, she's my child, I brought her into the world and I don't regret a second that I've had her here. Your children deserve better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whatever. I didn't think they were at the time, like i said i've changed now i have time to myself and got more of a life now. I've realised just how much i've missed out on. Mine don't really need me any more, i'm just reflecting.

Plus there's still some things i want to do and can't yet. You can preach all you want, you don't live my life.

I remember my mum crying about the same thing when i was 19 and we'd all got old enough to not really need her any more, how she felt like she'd wasted her life bringing up us kids. I didn't resent her for that, she's allowed to have her own thoughts and feelings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't feel like i've wasted my life btw, i just know that i've missed out on loads and am still waiting a bit to get my life sorted for me now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not about manliness. If you are in a loving relationship and can afford your rent or mortgage and want kids, come off the pill or stop using condoms. If either one of you can't produce what your looking for then there is IVF, Adoption or other ways. I personally feel a child would be better brought into the world in a loving couple relationship with people who can afford to look after them. Not use children as a means to getting benefits or a roof over your head.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

I'm honestly lost for words. Your mother said those things to you then you say those things about your own children. I'm absolutely horrified that you think calling your kids a burden is ok.

Yes, life is hard as a parent but that is nothing compared to the fucking awesomeness that comes from being a mum or dad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm honestly lost for words. Your mother said those things to you then you say those things about your own children. I'm absolutely horrified that you think calling your kids a burden is ok.

Yes, life is hard as a parent but that is nothing compared to the fucking awesomeness that comes from being a mum or dad."

I personally know my mum, i know she actually does love me, she did her best with us kids and gave up a hell of a lot for us, more than many other parents around me ever did. She's still a person in her own right and is allowed to have her own feelings. And i don't resent that i used to be close enough to her for her to share how she feels with me, even if it's something you'd find offensive. She's a human being in her own right, with her own thoughts and feelings and they don't all revolve around being a mum.

I told her it was ok for her to feel like that, coz you know why? It didn't matter to me, she's sacrificed loads for us and i could see where she was coming from.

If she'd been able to get us a better dad she'd have been perfect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Kids are overrated burdens, imo. --Love mine-- but have realised how much of life i've missed out on by having them and being their main carer.

You should have given them to someone who deserved them then. I've never been more disgusted by a comment in my life. You will be an 'overrated burden' one day and I hope they leave you to rot.

Chose to ignore the love mine bit though? And the fact that i've missed out on a lot of life by actually bringing them up. Sanctinmouous crap.

You might 'love' them but who the fuck calls their kids an 'overrated burden'?

Found the term, burden to be a bit much. But then you can't take any adult wearing nappies too seriously I guess.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Kids are overrated burdens, imo. --Love mine-- but have realised how much of life i've missed out on by having them and being their main carer.

You should have given them to someone who deserved them then. I've never been more disgusted by a comment in my life. You will be an 'overrated burden' one day and I hope they leave you to rot.

Chose to ignore the love mine bit though? And the fact that i've missed out on a lot of life by actually bringing them up. Sanctinmouous crap.

You might 'love' them but who the fuck calls their kids an 'overrated burden'?

Found the term, burden to be a bit much. But then you can't take any adult wearing nappies too seriously I guess. "

Excuse me for having occasional bladder problems.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having two children both of whom are now fine parents themselves I suppose my views on parenting are somewhat dated or old fashioned but as my late father told me whilst out celebrating the birth of my first child that as of today I was not the most important thing in my life anymore and I knew exactly what he meant. In their childhood and now in adulthood I am more than happy to help, assist, support and of course love them in anyway I can.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just wondering if all you fabbers can help me out with this.

Does not having any kids make you less of a man."

WHY DO WE HAVE TO CONTINUALLY SUFFER ALL THIS BULLSHIT ABOUT WHAT 'REAL MEN OR 'REAL WOMEN' ARE!

WHY DO PEOPLE CARE!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The same reason we read diatribe on penis size, female ejaculation, profiles content, time wasters and the other mind numbing posts in the forums.................just saying!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just wondering if all you fabbers can help me out with this.

Does not having any kids make you less of a man."
sorry but that's a pretty daft statement of course it doesn't

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just wondering if all you fabbers can help me out with this.

Does not having any kids make you less of a man.

If anything, it makes you more of a man, especially if you are an empathic and caring father. Makes you a better prospective partner"

Well aid.

Nice to see that truly absurd and selfish people do not mind stating publicly that kids are 'overated'. a 'burden', or not as worthwhile as 'bodybuilding-despite no evidence of any bopdybuilding taking place-imressively honest bunch.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Having two children both of whom are now fine parents themselves I suppose my views on parenting are somewhat dated or old fashioned but as my late father told me whilst out celebrating the birth of my first child that as of today I was not the most important thing in my life anymore and I knew exactly what he meant. In their childhood and now in adulthood I am more than happy to help, assist, support and of course love them in anyway I can. "

As soon as my daughter was born I became a small c conservative.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

^ That's all great, but none of this makes anyone any more of a "real" man or woman than if they remain childless, by choice or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is a sex-related site. The sexual imperative, is nature's way of ensuring the perpetuation our own genes. The urge to fuck, is within each of us. The desire to stick around and raise offspring... not so much.

Essentially, we are all born to reproduce but we also have the luxury of controlling that. Whether one takes the conscious decision to allow reproduction to occur or not, is usually an individual's choice - but sometimes, the opportunities are simply denied us.

In my younger days, I would've welcomed a normal family life - wife & 2.3 kids.

With my undesireable appearance, 'natural selection' is ensuring that my own particular arrangement of DNA will abruptly end, 6 feet underground.

Do I regret not having the family I wanted, earlier in life ? - Yes.

Now in my middle-age, am I thankful that under recent circumstances, I never had children? - yes.

Does it make me feel less of a man? - no.

Do my own personal feelings or opinions have ANY bearing on those of anyone else? Absolutely not! We are all different... all 7 billion of us.

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"Just wondering if all you fabbers can help me out with this.

Does not having any kids make you less of a man.

If anything, it makes you more of a man, especially if you are an empathic and caring father. Makes you a better prospective partner

Well aid.

People make their own choices. Just because you disagree doesn't give you any right to judge and name call.

I'd much rather someone decided not to have children if they don't want them than be bad parents and resent their kids. Whatever their reasons, they're none of your business.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I think Affectionate Bitch has been really honest and can understand what she means ( although I probably wouldn't have used the word burden either )

Part of her post is stating the obvious, you do lose a lot of freedom to do what you want when you want when you have children. I thought she was saying now it is her time and she is enjoying it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reading some of the posts, I feel quite lucky that my parents waited to have kids. My dad worked a lot and travelled, but he has said that his one regret was not being able to spend as much time with my brother and I when we were growing up. Mum was there all along, but now she has chronic fatigue. It's probably unrelated, but my brother had aspergers and ADHD growing up, and I have aspergers, so in my mind, we have taken a toll on my mums health. As a result, I am kind of afraid of having kids

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think of it more as intelligently refusing to contribute to rampant overpopulation by submitting to cultural norms and biological imperatives.

Stay strong..."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just wondering if all you fabbers can help me out with this.

Does not having any kids make you less of a man.

If anything, it makes you more of a man, especially if you are an empathic and caring father. Makes you a better prospective partner

Well aid.

I'm not selfish because I don't want kids.

I'm quite happy to state that I have no interest in kids, to the point that I had surgery to sterilise me. I think I'd make a great parent, but I just have no desire at all to have children. They would be a burden on my life, I wouldn't enjoy having children as much as I enjoy other things that I do. That's my choice.

It's not absurd or selfish to believe that children wouldn't fit into your life. It's absurd to believe that just because someone doesn't want children, it makes them selfish.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think Affectionate Bitch has been really honest and can understand what she means ( although I probably wouldn't have used the word burden either )

Part of her post is stating the obvious, you do lose a lot of freedom to do what you want when you want when you have children. I thought she was saying now it is her time and she is enjoying it."

Thanks. I don't subscribe to the fantasy that many parents make parenthood out to be. I'm not perfect and neither are my kids, i've made the best of everything but i've spent 18 years of my life sacrificing a lot for them, i'm getting older now and they don't need me and i'm entering a new phase of my life and just realise how much i've given up for them. It's not too late for me to make more of my life and self now, but i'd have liked the opportunity to do more for myself before this past year. Some people are lucky and get to do what they want despite having kids, i wasn't one of them. Poverty and lack of support is a real thing for some people, many people in fact.

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By *ady4ladyWoman
over a year ago

liverpool

Having or not having children can be a choice or can be decided for us.

we were born with the ability/ or inability to reproduce. Doesnt mean we have to.

i had amazing adoptive parents, and ( a thought for the OP) wonderful aunts and uncles who made my family complete.

Dont let others in your life influence how you feel as a man

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think Affectionate Bitch has been really honest and can understand what she means ( although I probably wouldn't have used the word burden either )

Part of her post is stating the obvious, you do lose a lot of freedom to do what you want when you want when you have children. I thought she was saying now it is her time and she is enjoying it.

It's great to read an honest perspective that's slightly different from the usual "oh wow my kids are so amazing and perfect and they complete me and I'd be nothing without them".

My mum always told me she wished she hadn't had to give up her career and so much of her independence to look after my siblings and I. I never took it to mean she loved us any less, just that she would have liked more time spent feeling like a person in her own right as well as being someone's mum.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Kids are overrated burdens, imo. Love mine but have realised how much of life i've missed out on by having them and being their main carer.

Jesus that's a very odd statement from a parent?

Why? They're here and i don't resent them, i'm just very much aware of how much i've had to give up for them to be here. They are burdens, and having kids is overrated, imo.

Now i've got time for myself to do what i want i've realised just how much i wanted from life before i had them, and that i gave that up. "

This. I had my kids young, at 17 &21. I adore them and give them everything they want and need. I love spending time with them and being their mum but I do think it's been a massive sacrifice. Fortunately I'm still young enough to achieve the things I wanted however it makes things infinitely more difficult. From a child are point of view, the financial strain etc.

I always thought I would have 4 or 5 children. But here I am, 2 and that's my lot. I can't have anymore now anyway but that's fine. 100% done and moving forward with my life, looking forward to them being older and more independent and being able to do things I want to do.

In response to the OP, no i don't think it makes you less of a man at all!

I don't think I'm more of a woman than someone without children.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think Affectionate Bitch has been really honest and can understand what she means ( although I probably wouldn't have used the word burden either )

Part of her post is stating the obvious, you do lose a lot of freedom to do what you want when you want when you have children. I thought she was saying now it is her time and she is enjoying it.

Understood what you had meant although your wording had been a little heavy handed which unfortunately people decided to only focus on.

Unless you're born with a silver spoon in your mouth your own personal dreams and aspirations and social life do get put to one side. It's a sacrifice that has to be made as children didn't ask to be brought into this world. However would much prefer a parent over a nanny any day as those who do make the sacrifice can be much better parents then those who are only there to kiss goodnight. Parenting for a lot of people is a lot harder these days with many going without meals, holidays and a social life to make sure their kids are provided for. Ok if they didn't want that responsibility some might say they shouldn't habe had kids but life is not as simple as that. Partners leave, become ill, jobs are lost and people become widowed. To all those who've managed to live the fairy tale well done, glad life's smiled on you but to others it's not that easy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some parents are truly horrendous and need removing from the gene pool so not having kids cant make you any less of a man or woman

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just wondering if all you fabbers can help me out with this.

Does not having any kids make you less of a man.

If anything, it makes you more of a man, especially if you are an empathic and caring father. Makes you a better prospective partner

Well aid.

I'm not selfish because I don't want kids.

It's not absurd or selfish to believe that children wouldn't fit into your life. It's absurd to believe that just because someone doesn't want children, it makes them selfish."

I totally agree with what you're saying here Wasp. I think it's a massive decision to be sterilised (I have also had this procedure) and I think if you know it's right for you then you're doing a good thing. Not everyone chooses to have children and that's just it, it's a choice. Why is it selfish to make one choice and not another?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think Affectionate Bitch has been really honest and can understand what she means ( although I probably wouldn't have used the word burden either )

Part of her post is stating the obvious, you do lose a lot of freedom to do what you want when you want when you have children. I thought she was saying now it is her time and she is enjoying it.

Understood what you had meant although your wording had been a little heavy handed which unfortunately people decided to only focus on.

I have a nanny for my children. Because I have to work. It's a complicated situation that I am stuck in now being a single mother, mortgage to pay and a job that wants working away often. This is the happy medium for my kids. The one regular nanny instead of childminders and messing about with different family members and the worry that I haven't got childcare etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think Affectionate Bitch has been really honest and can understand what she means ( although I probably wouldn't have used the word burden either )

Part of her post is stating the obvious, you do lose a lot of freedom to do what you want when you want when you have children. I thought she was saying now it is her time and she is enjoying it.

It's great to read an honest perspective that's slightly different from the usual "oh wow my kids are so amazing and perfect and they complete me and I'd be nothing without them".

That is exactly how i feel. The only people who can empathise with me are those who've been through it or know someone who has. I don't take their comments personally, i just know they haven't lived my life and don't know what they're talking about when it comes to my life.

I also didn't resent my mum. Her actions were nothing but loving actions, if she wanted to have regrets and talk about them i was happy to listen and it was an interesting learning experience. That's the thing though, i'm a good observer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wasn't judging you with the nanny comment as that's something you've had to do. As said before for many life's not that simple.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wasn't judging you with the nanny comment as that's something you've had to do. As said before for many life's not that simple."

Ah don't worry I'm not offended. Just showing the other side, consistency and all that

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"I think Affectionate Bitch has been really honest and can understand what she means ( although I probably wouldn't have used the word burden either )

Part of her post is stating the obvious, you do lose a lot of freedom to do what you want when you want when you have children. I thought she was saying now it is her time and she is enjoying it."

Exactly! People read what they want to read though. In no way did I think she had regretted having them, it was a very honest post that I bet millions of parents can relate to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank god people continue to put future happiness above the immediate gratification of the care free, child free lifestyle. The liberated hedonism of youth will eventually give way to being a rather silly side show the the barren later life you are making for yourselves.

Have fun though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank god people continue to put future happiness above the immediate gratification of the care free, child free lifestyle. The liberated hedonism of youth will eventually give way to being a rather silly side show the the barren later life you are making for yourselves.

Have fun though."

I find it sad when people don't feel future happiness is possible without children. To me it suggests that they have very little in their lives that is anyway fulfilling. What would you have done if you were infertile, killed yourself?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Have fun though."

What about choice? It isn't compulsory to have children.

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By *L RogueMan
over a year ago

London

No it doesn't make you less of a man.

My family are always saying "when are you starting a family? You'd make a great parent."

They are also envious of me. I'm pursuing personal life goals, have zero ties and take on opportunities at a moment's notice. Something that they can't do as freely due to family commitments.

I may or may not start family and it might come to a point where it's a option I no longer have. But I made that decision. Deciding your own path is what a man (and woman) does.

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By *edangel_2013Woman
over a year ago

southend

Have fun though."

So I should have children so I'm not lonely later on in life? Wow!

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Have fun though."

Are you for real?!

It's not always a choice. Not everyone chooses to have a discussion where theirs is the only opinion that means anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think Affectionate Bitch has been really honest and can understand what she means ( although I probably wouldn't have used the word burden either )

Part of her post is stating the obvious, you do lose a lot of freedom to do what you want when you want when you have children. I thought she was saying now it is her time and she is enjoying it.

Exactly! People read what they want to read though. In no way did I think she had regretted having them, it was a very honest post that I bet millions of parents can relate to. "

I can totally relate to what AB said. I feel some people are far to quick to nit pick a post apart if the wording isn't quite right.

It's like facebook on here at times tho when children are mentioned, eveyones offspring are perfect & they're living a Disney~esque family lifestyle...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have fun though."

Why do you think it's not possible to have fun without children?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have fun though.

So I should have children so I'm not lonely later on in life? Wow!"

To be honest, my parents see me a couple of times a year, and they don't seem particularly lonely. I wouldn't worry too much.

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

Have fun though."

I haven't made a conscious choice not to have children. But I have never felt financially or professionally secure enough to since I would want any child I did have to have the best chance in life possible and in my current situation I would have to either give up work (hence the financial security aspect) or put the child into 40+ hours a week childcare, which I know I would find emotionally difficult. It's got fuck all to do with me being a hedonist or my own personal gratification. But thanks for pointing out my lonely, barren future. How lovely of you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have fun though."

That's a pretty vile post.

If children are essential to your happiness then you possibly need to look at what is missing in your life

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"not at all - don't be silly"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Those who don't want children should not be condemned or thought less of I know lots of people have made that life decision. However I think most are surprised that if you make the choice to have children the term burdensome is used to describe them. I find it surprising that one should adopt that point of view?

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By *U1966Man
over a year ago

Devon

Have two brothers who have no children don't think I am better than them from being a father

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have fun though.

That's a pretty vile post.

If children are essential to your happiness then you possibly need to look at what is missing in your life"
I don't think it's vile its probably a little emotive. I didn't have my children for company in later life although having them at a young age allows me to enjoy their adulthood. That said I am besotted with my grand children who quite like their bachelor grandad!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Those who don't want children should not be condemned or thought less of I know lots of people have made that life decision. However I think most are surprised that if you make the choice to have children the term burdensome is used to describe them. I find it surprising that one should adopt that point of view?"

My parents found me pretty burdensome when they split up at 15. They've both told me that. It meant that my father couldn't work as easily in his job and he had to cut down his hours, and it meant that my mother couldn't spend as much time shagging her new fella and doing her own job.

It's a perfectly find point of view to adopt. You can say it about all kinds of things. When my partner and his ex split up the four cats became rather burdensome for them because it made their life difficult.

Even if you don't find children burdensome initially, that doesn't mean your situation won't change. And lives do change. They don't remain static.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Even if you don't find children burdensome initially, that doesn't mean your situation won't change. And lives do change. They don't remain static."
Of course there are times when my children were pains in my arse because that is what kids do? I was a argumentative teenager and was rebellious at times. Of course life situations change but in my opinion and indeed life experience is that children have been a cohesive bond that have ameliorated family crises such as divorce or bereavement.

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