FabSwingers.com forum: HIV check-up

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thought my experience at GUM might be of help to others in similar position.

Having convinced myself that I had caught HIV after being ill for a period of time, and matched symptoms to HIV on the web, I went to my local GUM clinic for a full check up. The clinic was all people say it would be. Pretty anonymous, pleasant environment, non-judgmental staff – although I did feel vulnerable about being recognised by staff & other patients in the hospital. Maybe I should have travelled out of area. I chose to use my real name & gave my GP’s details.

I had only the checks I wanted, which included HIV blood test & a brief chat about my sexual lifestyle. Results to be texted to my phone, with follow up appointment made in 3 weeks.

Apart from text reminding me of the next appointment I had no other contact and worry started creeping in big time – which really did make me ill.

At my next appointment I had a couple more tests and was given the all clear on HIV and everything else. The male nurse was fantastic, completely setting my mind at rest, sharing fully all my test results and even did a general health check due to my state. He was sure it was stress on top of a seasonal virus which was making me ill. By the time I got home I felt a different person.

So if you enjoy a liberal sexual lifestyle – DO take care and do have regular checkups.

Happy to be contacted by others in similar cases. The Terrance Higgins Trust contains good advice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get the impression from your post that this is the first time you've attended a GUM clinic and you've been on site for over a year!

Others will have something further to say no doubt.

However, you're preaching to the converted, as the majority of us in this lifestyle go to our local GUM clinics on a regular basis: even us single folk who don't have to worry about bringing something nasty home to a "loved" one.

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By *ilmiss75Woman
over a year ago

Thornton

"I get the impression from your post that this is the first time you've attended a GUM clinic and you've been on site for over a year!

Others will have something further to say no doubt.

I think that is a unfair statement about him only visiting once despite being on the site over a year. What has it got to do with you or others? There is nothing on his profile to say he meets different people every day or week for that matter or that he doesn't practice safe sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I get the impression from your post that this is the first time you've attended a GUM clinic and you've been on site for over a year!

Others will have something further to say no doubt.

Did you actually read the OP and my response?

The impression I got was the OP was surprised at going to the GUM and the professionalism of the staff and how they treated him. To me, and it is about personal interpretation, if you attend GUM clinics you know they're professional so there's no need to mention it.

What has what got to do with me and others?!!

You do realise that when you post on an OPEN forum people comment don't you?!! Also (shock, horror) people don't always agree!!! Who would have thought, I know!

Please point out where I said the OP didn't practice safe sex and meet different people every week!

The OP is the one who wrote he was convinced he was HIV positive. I've been feeling unwell for ages too, I can assure you over the last couple of months I've convinced myself I've got cancer, double pneumonia, plague, beri beri and ebola. Not ONCE have I thought STD!

Like I said: differing views!

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By *ilmiss75Woman
over a year ago

Thornton

"I get the impression from your post that this is the first time you've attended a GUM clinic and you've been on site for over a year!

Others will have something further to say no doubt. "

I don't feel there was any need for the above quote. Maybe its just '!' that makes it 'look' a lot more 'arsey' that its meant.

Also if others want to comment, so it be. Or is the real reason for what you said further in your reply is that your having a dig at him being 'Married'??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

never been to a gum clinic infact i never use the stuff linda likes to chew on it now n then but theres no need for a clinic we just use the local shop dont know what all the fuss is about grow up and have yourself a WANK lol merry xmas xx

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By *uro anchorMan
over a year ago

Coventry

i went to the gum clinic for the first time a couple of weeks ago.. im nos shy and it didnt bother me but was still glad to get the all clear.. i must b a bit sick cause i told all my mates in my local that i was clear and that they didnt know what they might have .. they all said they couldnt have got anything as they dont have any other sexual partners... i just asked what their partners were doing while they were in the pub... well i thought it was funny..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I get the impression from your post that this is the first time you've attended a GUM clinic and you've been on site for over a year!

Others will have something further to say no doubt.

I don't feel there was any need for the above quote. Maybe its just '!' that makes it 'look' a lot more 'arsey' that its meant.

Also if others want to comment, so it be. Or is the real reason for what you said further in your reply is that your having a dig at him being 'Married'??

well said!

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By *ittle-Miss-MuffetCouple
over a year ago

Chester / North Wales

"I get the impression from your post that this is the first time you've attended a GUM clinic and you've been on site for over a year!

Others will have something further to say no doubt.

I don't feel there was any need for the above quote. Maybe its just '!' that makes it 'look' a lot more 'arsey' that its meant.

Also if others want to comment, so it be. Or is the real reason for what you said further in your reply is that your having a dig at him being 'Married'??

Agreed.. plus reading through it again the OP didn't actually say WHEN he'd been. Could have been after a couple of months of joining? Could have been years ago before he was swinging even and was just worried about a previous partner. What ever happened to being non judgemental?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

or it could have been yesterday..whatever happened to not making wild assumptions

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I get the impression from your post that this is the first time you've attended a GUM clinic and you've been on site for over a year!

Others will have something further to say no doubt.

I don't feel there was any need for the above quote. Maybe its just '!' that makes it 'look' a lot more 'arsey' that its meant.

Also if others want to comment, so it be. Or is the real reason for what you said further in your reply is that your having a dig at him being 'Married'??

I have to agree with this poster quoted. I do feel it was a dig at the OP rather than a unbiased answer to the thread. Many people will say they go to the GUM clinic, you dont truly believe they all do as regularly as they say do you? You can only protect yourself, thats all. You cannot rely on anyone else.

It may have been the OP's first time and he was naturally worried about sharing details of his sexual lifestyle. I feel it was a little unfair to jump down his throat straight away.

the comment about the loved one = loved being put in quotes, was a definite dig at him being married. Again nothing to do with us what the OP does, its not fair to judge others, there are enough people out there to do that to us, let us try and give our views in a fair way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

there are some folk that are new to the scene and aren't converted and may be worried about their first trip to the GUM clinic.

Thanks for sharing your experience, it doesn't hurt for even the most seasoned swinger to be reminded that for some it's not water of a ducks back and you should never be complacent about such things.

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

I have to say that I agree with sassy in many respects, we go to our GUM clinic at the hospital and I'd like to think that the majority of swingers do too! But to be going for the 1st time and being worried about having AIDS is extremely worrying, and if the guy is married (I haven't looked at his profile) what the heck has he been telling his wife as he obviously wouldn't have been having unprotected sex with her whilst he thought he had AIDS- would he? Z

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have to say that I agree with sassy in many respects, we go to our GUM clinic at the hospital and I'd like to think that the majority of swingers do too! But to be going for the 1st time and being worried about having AIDS is extremely worrying, and if the guy is married (I haven't looked at his profile) what the heck has he been telling his wife as he obviously wouldn't have been having unprotected sex with her whilst he thought he had AIDS- would he? Z"

wow....serious assumptions going on and not really our business surely?!

his conscience is not ours to question.

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

wow....serious assumptions going on and not really our business surely?!

his conscience is not ours to question."

Yes, I agree and you're also making assumptions of your own! He kinda made it our business when he posted ina n open forum. What he does with his life is entirely up to him of course. Z

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By *ittle-Miss-MuffetCouple
over a year ago

Chester / North Wales

Again though, doesn't say WHEN this all took place? We don't know when he was talking about, or even if he was married at the time this took place. And we certainly don't know what protection he uses with his wife! Who knows, you might be right, but not fair to jump to assumptions, and maybe we'll never know, as the OP appears to have been scared off!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

wow....serious assumptions going on and not really our business surely?!

his conscience is not ours to question.

Yes, I agree and you're also making assumptions of your own! He kinda made it our business when he posted ina n open forum. What he does with his life is entirely up to him of course. Z"

i have made no assumptions whatsoever...just entering into the ethos that this site is a sex site and what folk do outside that is none of our business.

the op shared an experience, he did not at any point invite anyone within this thread to discuss his profile or his private life off this site.

as far as i'm aware, that is still not allowed

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

Oh yes, of course you may be right - he went to the clinic over a year ago, before he was married and just decided to impart this knowledge and experience to us all, glad we cleared that up then! Z

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think sometimes ppl split hairs

i mean when it comes to alcohol and smoking and the problems with that..ppl ignore it. it is just as destroying as sex can be

The one fact that is truly worth noting is OTHERS

How does my behaviour affect the others?

Am i being selfish?

Am i responsible for others actions?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel the OP post was very very true and honest, I've been a swinger a few years now and always practice safe sex but my 1st time was scary but the staff were great, I go every 6 months now just for my own sanity, at least he was honest and forth right about his experience and hopefully anyone Reading who's never been before will take notice that it's not scary they don't judge xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel the OP post was very very true and honest, I've been a swinger a few years now and always practice safe sex but my 1st time was scary but the staff were great, I go every 6 months now just for my own sanity, at least he was honest and forth right about his experience and hopefully anyone Reading who's never been before will take notice that it's not scary they don't judge xxxx"

exactly!

that message should not be lost on this thread

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By *ibrosMan
over a year ago

harrow

Getting back to the original post.

My GP referred me to the GUM. For those not familiar, it is as anonymous as you wish, thoroughly professional, non judgemental and reassuring.

Gave good advise on keeping myself safe and understanding the risks. I could ask questions I wouldn't have asked of the GP.

This thread has value if encouraging those who otherwise might avoid going, to pay a visit. You don't need to have symptoms of any ailment and can come away with reassurance of your health.

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By *ittle-Miss-MuffetCouple
over a year ago

Chester / North Wales

Oh yes, of course you may be right - he went to the clinic over a year ago, before he was married and just decided to impart this knowledge and experience to us all, glad we cleared that up then! Z"

Exactly, and then maybe he rode home on a giant pink unicorn.. The point is though that we really don't know. And as slightly misguided as maybe it was, the premise is that he shared his story to put peoples mind at ease, and for that sincerity let's give the guy a break.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well dont OP for starting a thread that will help people if they are worried about going to a GUM clinic,its a shame people have to have a go about his private life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/12/10 21:13:19]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

His private life is his buisness, it's called private for a reason!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always assumed more sex = less frustration, more chilled out people and less conflict but it seems people take offence and get angry about everything on here!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"His private life is his buisness, it's called private for a reason!"

yes

but he still has to intereact with ppl

and not every person is cappable of making all the needed decisions are thye?

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

"His private life is his buisness, it's called private for a reason!"

Of course but you've got to feel for his wife, not only is he swinging he's obviously leaving himself open to contracting AIDS - otherwise he wouldn't have worried that he had it. Z

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I go every three months plus wait to have a meet before I get th all clear got the new one at the edith cavell its very posh. Not saying that im at higher risk but as I prefer playing at clubs tend to have multiple partners in the one night.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"His private life is his buisness, it's called private for a reason!

Of course but you've got to feel for his wife, not only is he swinging he's obviously leaving himself open to contracting AIDS - otherwise he wouldn't have worried that he had it. Z"

so...you go to the gum clinic regularly because you think you have something then?

i go as a matter of course, even if i'm not active! it doesnt matter how many times i go i always wonder....right until i get the all clear. never had a negative one yet, but the anxiety still exists.

as HIV can exist in the body for years without any symptoms, it's not unrealistic to wonder if something that happened in the folly of your youth or even an 'accident' (condoms DO split...really!) is raising it's head.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course but you've got to feel for his wife, n"

...and no, i don't actually....i feel for myself and my own safety...who he sleeps with is his business and for him to deal with.

do you wonder about every single person your partners sleep with or do you just concentrate on protecting yourself as best as you can?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I always assumed more sex = less frustration, more chilled out people and less conflict but it seems people take offence and get angry about everything on here!"

I have to agree. Some people are well uptight here!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I choose this life but no matter how safe I am accidents happen had a scare back in August scariest thing ever thankfully got the all clear. Im on first name basis with most of the gum staff they are fantastic. Took a break and have only just come back to cham and having sex ater a 5 month break.

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

"I always assumed more sex = less frustration, more chilled out people and less conflict but it seems people take offence and get angry about everything on here!

I have to agree. Some people are well uptight here!"

Some people also like playing devils advocate and making the debate more lively! Z

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not into married men either but what he does is his own business and not ours. We are talking about clinics not about his marriage, seems all these forums go way off the subject!!!!

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

"I'm not into married men either but what he does is his own business and not ours. We are talking about clinics not about his marriage, seems all these forums go way off the subject!!!!"

Yes, that they do! Z

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By *amschwingerzCouple
over a year ago

West

I totally empathise with the OP...the worse thing in the world...looking up symptoms on the net...you go looking for what you dont want to find..and worry yourself shitless in the meantime..the anxiety of it all and makes you feel ill...and the cycle starts again...

Type in HIV and any other symptom and youl get a match somewhere along the line..

They say 'a little knowledge is dangerous' and its a case of nail hammer head!

Been there, done it, got the all clear..and its the reason we dont/wont swing...the worry isnt worth it for me.

Catching something fatal is obviously a nightmare...worrying about it comes a VERY close second trust me.

If anyone reading this is concerned about 'that'...then go to your doctor straight away, get the test and get on with your life instead of making yourself very ill with worry...in most cases the results WILL be good news.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The original thread was to encourage us all to go to the GUM clinic, and to not worry about being judged etc - you dont have to worry about being judged at the GUM Clinic, the nurses are lovely.

You have to worry about being judged when you come back here and post about it!!!!!

Sassy was correct in her views in that swingers should go regularly to have tests. But I feel Sassy's post was not, on this occasion, to impart that knowledge, but to pick up on the fact that he was a married man and might have given his wife HIV. Now ok I dont think its right either, to play away unprotected, and then going back home and sleeping with the wife. But we dont know the facts,we dont know if that is the case. Lets go on what was posted, not look through his profile and pick it to pieces looking for inconsistencies. Why has anyone got the time or inclination to keep doing that.

On the HIV front, havent any of you had a bout of illness and you worry that you may have contracted something terrible, like cancer etc.

I have recently. I tore my calf muscle 4 weeks ago, then just over a week ago I had a corneal ulcer. In the middle of the night, when I worry that Ive had constant bouts of illness over the last 4 weeks, I can convince myself im about to die. I can convince myself that my ulcer is due to syphilis or gonorrhea, even though my consultant at the hospital has told me its due to wearing contact lenses. Even though ive had a needle pushed into my eye to take scrapings off it and cultures were grown. I was convinced the cultures were gonna grow a cancer, HIV or Syphilis tree, nothing came up, because it was a corneal ulcer.

sorry im ranting, lets just encourage the OP for going to the GUM Clinic and trying to attempt to tell us that its ok if you have doubts about going

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks Iconic, a little sanity at last!

Was reading this thread growing increasingly annoyed at the lazy use of the term "contracted Aids" too.

Its important to remember that its HIV that is contracted, and Aids is the long term result.

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By *amschwingerzCouple
over a year ago

West

Good way to lose a bit of weight though..its called the 'shit yourself slim diet'!!

Again...a contributing factor...you worry, you lose weight because of the worry...then you worry more because you are losing weight...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks Iconic, a little sanity at last!

Was reading this thread growing increasingly annoyed at the lazy use of the term "contracted Aids" too.

Its important to remember that its HIV that is contracted, and Aids is the long term result."

Was watching the news last week a subject about growing old with hiv and the stigma still attached to it.

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By *riend xxMan
over a year ago

manchester

If you want to remain anonymous beware what details you fill in when you arrive at the clinic

If you give your correct name AND date of birth the system can easily trace you!

In fact most government department can trace you from those two bits of info!

Ive nothing to hide from them but it is not anonymous if you give them this info!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks Iconic, a little sanity at last!

Yes i agree HIV is a condition thats is not kept under control by way of medication or our own immune system can lead to aids..However thats why its so important to be diagnosed early. There are 80,000 plus diagnosed cases in the uK. Most of these people have a normal healthy life doing normal jobs and just getting on with there lives. So please dont call it AIDS that why there is so much prejudice against people living with HIV.My concern is those on this site that loosely use the words AIDS, it makes wonder is it just a lazy use, or are those that ignorant regarding hiv. If that's the case i strongly suggest you do some reading, as the world you are enjoying you could be putting your self at more risk than you realised.

Was reading this thread growing increasingly annoyed at the lazy use of the term "contracted Aids" too.

Its important to remember that its HIV that is contracted, and Aids is the long term result.

Was watching the news last week a subject about growing old with hiv and the stigma still attached to it."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just wondered when people on here do go for a GUM check up if they are honest about their swinging practices - i.e. would you tell the staff you had been to a swinger's club or meet people off the internet for sex?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just wondered when people on here do go for a GUM check up if they are honest about their swinging practices - i.e. would you tell the staff you had been to a swinger's club or meet people off the internet for sex?"

Yep my gynecologist happens ta be an old friend and hes well aware of my swinging life and my partners swinging life lol xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I always assumed more sex = less frustration, more chilled out people and less conflict but it seems people take offence and get angry about everything on here!

I have to agree. Some people are well uptight here!

Some people also like playing devils advocate and making the debate more lively! Z"

The problem is that I don't think the OP posted with the intention of it being a 'debate'. I feel this thread was intended to be informative / encouraging but there are people on here who cannot stop themselves from turning EVERY thread into a debate where every single aspect of the person posting is analysed and picked to pieces!

I don't post often but as a reader, this practice of responding to almost every thread in an aggressive, judgemental way becomes tedious. Some people need to get off their sanctamonious high horses and try spending a little time down here with the imperfect minions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Every six months for us, without fail.

A lifestyle description is given (apart from friend's details) & yes, we practice safe sex. Peace of mind for a couple of hours inconvenience a year. A worthwhile investment for us & our friends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I always assumed more sex = less frustration, more chilled out people and less conflict but it seems people take offence and get angry about everything on here!

I have to agree. Some people are well uptight here!

Some people also like playing devils advocate and making the debate more lively! Z

Sorry...have I missed the point?!!

I thought when people posted on an open forum the whole point was to engage in some form of debate. Some comments will be favourable, others not so...that's how it goes isn't it?!!

The same with how you answer. The comments posters make may lead to further debates, again, some in agreement some not!

The fact of the matter is we all have individual ways of looking at things - it doesn't make me right and everyone else wrong. If someone comments in a way you don't like, you can say so, just like they can put their two pennies worth in.

The irony is people seem to think its okay to lambast others for having an opinion if it differs from their own!

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By *ouple1234Couple
over a year ago

BELFAST UK

all i am saying is things are better left unspoken always think about what you are going to say, this isnt pointed at anyone but reading a few posts in here and on alot of other topics once someone dosen't agree with someone else it turns into a childs playgroung the silly remarks made to or about other people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If anything this thread has 'highlighted' that it's essential to have regular checkups, whether your an experienced swinger or not.

We all need to be reminded from time to time.

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By *-and-KCouple
over a year ago

Back of Beyond

I'll disagree with the person above and with sassymiss.

If you feel the need to go to the GUM clinic every couple of weeks, then I would be worried about the type of people you are meeting, you obviously feel they may be carrying a disease, so why meet them?

Go once or twice a year to put your mind at rest by all means. But the way you say you attend it sounds as though you go after every single meeting.

Its more about choosing the right partner/s to start with rather than opting for medication to cure something after the event.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

blimey, this thread is heavy going and such a serious subject should be. What does GUM stand for? It must be an acronym. Can we lighten up with guesses at what GUM stands for? Right me first...........Give Up Penatrativesex or Grown Up Mistake

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'll disagree with the person above and with sassymiss.

Go once or twice a year to put your mind at rest by all means. But the way you say you attend it sounds as though you go after every single meeting.

Its more about choosing the right partner/s to start with rather than opting for medication to cure something after the event."

I agree with this theory completely but the only problem with it lies in the fact that you cant see HIV or Chlamydia just by looking at someone. You might look at someones profile and they have 2 verifications for all year and then at another persons who has 50, you would be wrong to assume that the person with 2 verifications is safer.

I would imagine that some people go more regularly to the GUM clinic because it makes them feel more at ease rather than they're worried what theyve picked up.

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By *umpkinMan
over a year ago

near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack!

"blimey, this thread is heavy going and such a serious subject should be. What does GUM stand for? It must be an acronym. Can we lighten up with guesses at what GUM stands for? Right me first...........Give Up Penatrativesex or Grown Up Mistake"

Genito Urinary Medicine.

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By *umpkinMan
over a year ago

near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack!

Genito Urinary Medicine."

Sorry! Went all serious with you then.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I simply made a brief sensible reply!

One that I thought was valid!

"I'll disagree with the person above and with sassymiss.

Go once or twice a year to put your mind at rest by all means. But the way you say you attend it sounds as though you go after every single meeting.

Its more about choosing the right partner/s to start with rather than opting for medication to cure something after the event."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sex isn't the only way to get HIV, being a manual worker who gets cuts on my hand, and working where drug users have been, I believe it's a good idea to get a checkup anyway, "I do" and not because of my sex life. Any one who encourages that is using a bit of common sence. I don't worrey about it, I just don't want to pass anything on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

hmmmmmmmmm

having read the 1st post on this topic i personally think he should be supported for actually going to the clinic.

all the other factors are insignificant.

to actually take the step and get checked should be encouraged.

to debate the ins and outs of it do not help those that are nervous or unsure.

for some of us visiting the clinic is no different than a visit to the dentist but for others it may carry a stigma that they find hard to deal with.

support those that go and encourage those that dont

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By *ittle-Miss-MuffetCouple
over a year ago

Chester / North Wales

"I simply made a brief sensible reply!

One that I thought was valid!

I'll disagree with the person above and with sassymiss.

Go once or twice a year to put your mind at rest by all means. But the way you say you attend it sounds as though you go after every single meeting.

Its more about choosing the right partner/s to start with rather than opting for medication to cure something after the event."

I completely disagree with you too!

While it's right that you should be choosy who you play with in the first place, you make it sound as though you can spot someone with an STD a mile off and therefore avoid them. Go to get checked once or twice a year to put your mind at rest? And what, risk infecting anyone that you may have slept with in between? You're bonkers!

How often you get checked up should reflect how often you play and it's not your place to tell people how often they should do that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on how much playtime I get if I have a quiet period then theres no need but as I play in clubs I tend to go more frequent for piece of mind. As in a club I will play with more people in a night than I may play with in a month. Saying that kids back at school and Im booked in wednesday.

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

The short and tall of it.... it is wise to go for regular check-ups, and especially after doing something which puts you at risk.... not wait until you think you have developed the symptoms.

If you think you have developed the symptoms then you must be acknowledging you did something risky previously and did nothing about it.

If I had neck stiffness and a fear of swallowing…. I wouldn’t assume I had rabies, unless I had previously been biten by an animal.

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