FabSwingers.com forum: why be a sub ?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

Power dynamics withing sexual relationships is something that some people like to play with. Some are Dom, some are Sub and some are Switch so in some circumstances they are Dom and in other circumstances they are Sub.

The Dom/Sub relationship is not only within swinging, its more like two overlapping circles. The over lap being Doms and Subs who also happeb to swing. Within swinging you would ask the person you want to play with to play. Within a Dom/Sub relationship you would ask the Dom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

I'm sexually submissive. I find it erotic to be this way, however, never mistake submissiveness to equate to being a doormat. I cannot be a sub to just any man. I have to feel his authority.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Sex is complicated. I wonder whether men taking part in a GB would think of themselves as Dom or Sub. They could be sub as they are servicing a woman. Could be Dom as they are fucking her. But whos controlling who. I dont know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sex is complicated. I wonder whether men taking part in a GB would think of themselves as Dom or Sub. They could be sub as they are servicing a woman. Could be Dom as they are fucking her. But whos controlling who. I dont know"

A sub lends control.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

I'm sexually submissive. I find it erotic to be this way, however, never mistake submissiveness to equate to being a doormat. I cannot be a sub to just any man. I have to feel his authority."

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why be into gang bangs, bi, straight, want to share a partner etc etc.... And that is why some people are sub or Dom. for some it is just role play, for others an intricate part of their personality.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Tbh I find GB can be weird too. I was at a party, only reason I went was the organisers wife. She was giving a guy a bj then turned to me. She had to ask her husband if she could go to the bedroom and fuck me. He agreed. Before I knew it a queue had formed by the bed to fuck her. I felt uneasy about it. I left soon afterm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tbh I find GB can be weird too. I was at a party, only reason I went was the organisers wife. She was giving a guy a bj then turned to me. She had to ask her husband if she could go to the bedroom and fuck me. He agreed. Before I knew it a queue had formed by the bed to fuck her. I felt uneasy about it. I left soon afterm"

I will always look to my partner for his approval and in fact in gang bangs I'm happy to let him say yay or nay to guys... I know he would only choose guys id like.

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

You can be in a gangbang without being dom or sub

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You can be in a gangbang without being dom or sub "

Do you like GB then. Are you sub in yours.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can be in a gangbang without being dom or sub "

Very true... Some of us just enjoy it for what it is x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You can be in a gangbang without being dom or sub

Very true... Some of us just enjoy it for what it is x

Good to hear

maybe sex is less complicated than I thought.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Not everyone or everything done in swinging has a Dom/sub dynamic to it. The lines have somewhat blurred between the details scene and the swinging scene. You can swing and enjoy casual sex with multiple partners without being a Dom or a sub and equally you can enjoy the Dom/sub thing without having casual sex.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Im not sure swinging is straightforward. There seems to be couples commenting about my posts - a lot not very friendly - and I wonder if its the man or woman(en) commenting due to this sub master dynamic. I know there are all sorts of people that are swingers but who is in charge in a sex based lifestyle. After all swingers life, to a larger extent than many, revolves around physical attraction and sex.

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By *eepster69Man
over a year ago

Dumfries

I think your getting a sexual fetish confused with abuse OP. I'd say the majority of couples do the sub/dom thing as one or both parties get off on it.

If you asked a group of women do they have sexual fantasies that involve submitting to their male partner, You would find a high proportion do. Hence the success of 50 shades.

For me the sub/dom thing can be fun for a change, but it isn't my favourite sexual fantasy. But I have had girlfriends who very much got off on it and I was happy to oblige.

Most if not all sub/dom dynamics you meet in clubs will have set out their 'rules' before they go into the club and will often have code words if one party feels uneasy.

It does seem you are in fact uneasy about it, which is fine, but please don't feel the need to judge anybody elses lifestyle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

If you don't get it surely the solution is simplu not to meet people who are in to it and focus on those who aren't

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

If you don't get it surely the solution is simplu not to meet people who are in to it and focus on those who aren't"

But if people don't ask questions how can they learn? There's lots of things I don't understand but from reading forums it's changed my opinion and some things I find really horny now where I didn't before. Asking questions isn't always a bad thing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think your getting a sexual fetish confused with abuse OP. I'd say the majority of couples do the sub/dom thing as one or both parties get off on it.

If you asked a group of women do they have sexual fantasies that involve submitting to their male partner, You would find a high proportion do. Hence the success of 50 shades.

For me the sub/dom thing can be fun for a change, but it isn't my favourite sexual fantasy. But I have had girlfriends who very much got off on it and I was happy to oblige.

Most if not all sub/dom dynamics you meet in clubs will have set out their 'rules' before they go into the club and will often have code words if one party feels uneasy.

It does seem you are in fact uneasy about it, which is fine, but please don't feel the need to judge anybody elses lifestyle.

Who's judging. Im just asking a question.??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP...you don't "be" a sub...like it is a choice thing...you just "are" sub...or not...if you try to "be" a sub or a dom then it won't work...I could never "be" dom as it would be acting out something I just am not naturally...so would never be convincing...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

. and I dont get the master and sub female attraction. Is this swinging or something swingers do. It is a bit weird for someone new to swinging when a woman asks for permission to fuck or is told to. BTW Ive met people on another site names after a Greek goddes."
hi you're either into it or your not its a fantasy thing on the part of the couple concerned like role play I guess it doesn't really appeal to me either but I do find I tend to lead in sexual situations but its not a must for me to

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

If you don't get it surely the solution is simplu not to meet people who are in to it and focus on those who aren't

I don't get gang bangs or bukkake. I know others love them. I wouldn't see the point asking others why they did anything I wasn't comfortable with, no one has to justify themselves to me, so I get where 2Wheels is coming from.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP...you don't "be" a sub...like it is a choice thing...you just "are" sub...or not...if you try to "be" a sub or a dom then it won't work...I could never "be" dom as it would be acting out something I just am not naturally...so would never be convincing..."

Not strictly true as I have a strong will/dominant personality but sexually I would rather submit to a (natural) Dom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not strictly true as I have a strong will/dominant personality but sexually I would rather submit to a (natural) Dom."

Which is my point exactly!!

I have a strong personality outside of my sex life...but deep down I am sub...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not strictly true as I have a strong will/dominant personality but sexually I would rather submit to a (natural) Dom.

Which is my point exactly!!

I have a strong personality outside of my sex life...but deep down I am sub..."

As I stated "not strictly true"! I could be a Domme but choose not to be.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Not strictly true as I have a strong will/dominant personality but sexually I would rather submit to a (natural) Dom."

Whats a " natural dom" ? Is it a guy who naturally likes to dominate a woman, tell her what to do. Sounds unatural to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are a Dom/sub couple but I would never refer to myself as a Dom or a master.

For us it was about two people who had always known they had the role in them, we met and it was a part of our sex life we instantly settled into.

It's not for everyone to like or even for everyone to understand but for us it works and is a big part of who we are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Due to inexperience I kinda like being told what to do and would prob try almost anything.

I just like being bossed

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Due to inexperience I kinda like being told what to do and would prob try almost anything.

I just like being bossed

Fair enough. Enjoy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not strictly true as I have a strong will/dominant personality but sexually I would rather submit to a (natural) Dom.

Whats a " natural dom" ? Is it a guy who naturally likes to dominate a woman, tell her what to do. Sounds unatural to me"

You keep assuming all subs are female and all find are male. Just because thats the way it is in 50 shades of drivel don't automatically assume only men assume the dominant role. I have met many dominant women over the years and hope to meet a few more yet.

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

"Im not sure swinging is straightforward. There seems to be couples commenting about my posts - a lot not very friendly - and I wonder if its the man or woman(en) commenting due to this sub master dynamic. I know there are all sorts of people that are swingers but who is in charge in a sex based lifestyle. After all swingers life, to a larger extent than many, revolves around physical attraction and sex."

OP I know we have disagreed about many of your posts and this is because we seem to be at opposite ends of the spectrum.

The way I read your posts, they appear to me, at the heart of them to revolve around power dynamics.

For us, swinging is the total opposite, it is about freedom, and removing power and control. It is setting each one of us free. We aren't together because we have to be, we are together because each and everyday we choose to be.

In "vanilla" marriages if one spouce said to the other, "I'm gonna go fuck that person over there" the other would say "no you're not" or "if you do we're finished"

In our relationship as swingers, in the way that we play, if one of us said the wanted to fuck that person over there, the other would say "ok, have fun".

So to us its not about control, or male vs female fantasies, its about freedom to explore our own sexual desires.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel i fit within the sub band purely because i am very shy even though i know im very naughty. I love lots of dirty sex, spanking, clubs etc. Being sub lets me be looked after, someone else is responsible for me. I cant feel embarresed doing what i love if someone else is making me do it. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not strictly true as I have a strong will/dominant personality but sexually I would rather submit to a (natural) Dom.

Whats a " natural dom" ? Is it a guy who naturally likes to dominate a woman, tell her what to do. Sounds unatural to me"

For me it is a guy who is naturally authoritative, not domineering.

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By *r.dominationMan
over a year ago

Newbridge

Well put ..............

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

OP I know we have disagreed about many of your posts and this is because we seem to be at opposite ends of the spectrum.

The way I read your posts, they appear to me, at the heart of them to revolve around power dynamics.

In "vanilla" marriages if one spouce said to the other, "I'm gonna go fuck that person over there" the other would say "no you're not" or "if you do we're finished"

In our relationship as swingers, in the way that we play, if one of us said the wanted to fuck that person over there, the other would say "ok, have fun".

So to us its not about control, or male vs female fantasies, its about freedom to explore our own sexual desires.

Its true I have seen bizarre power dynamics with couples way before I ever heard about swingers. FYI I lived in Holland for many years and worked in Amsterdam when I first arrived. I saw girls who were very liberated and couples who were anything but. Moving on Ive realised that couples in the real non-swinging world can ofcourse be great together but also that power dynamic of male control exists. I mention this to try and explain my point here. Why would this skewed power dynamic not exist with swingers as it does with non swingers. All i hear on my posts is people using their own subjective views not allowing for the possibilities that others they might meet could be in coersed power dependant "relationshops". The problems in non swinging couples dont disappear when people swap partners or swing. It could be as bad or even worse as the Dom and Sub toles are formalised.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Getting a bit heavy here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some People enjoy power dynamics.. it's not bad or skewed unless it is abuse and d/s is not abuse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And that my friend is why I love swinging, the one place I know, where you can play with the sexual power thing! It's very horny

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

Why indeed?

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

dom and sub is a very wide range in spectrum...you could say anything is more passive than an active, such as woman on top..does that make a man sub??? missionary..does that make the woman sub??

its all relative, as was said earlier, the sub lends power, it is not taken.. this lending can be as little or as much as is enjoyable...

there is always consent..

i feel there is also value in the allowing of a partner to give and/ or receive at times just for them to experience themselves in a different way...its all about experience and gaining understanding of what one likes and doesnt like, and whereas i can be sub to some men and women, there are some, i wont go there with.

that doesn't mean to say then that, i am Dom at these times..it means there is equal exchange as, they don't support and bring out that part of me..

it doesn't mean to say they should. i don't want to be sub all the time it doesn't suit my nature..

it means interrelations are as unique and different as individual people..

maybe you are thinking of a stereotypical D/s relationship.. i have found after talking, discussing and reading that, this is only one small slice of the spectrum of this preference, its much more individualistic than i first thought..enjoy your research, ive found it fascinating x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

And that my friend is why I love swinging, the one place I know, where you can play with the sexual power thing! It's very horny

Nicely put

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"dom and sub is a very wide range in spectrum...you could say anything is more passive than an active, such as woman on top..does that make a man sub??? missionary..does that make the woman sub??

its all relative, as was said earlier, the sub lends power, it is not taken.. this lending can be as little or as much as is enjoyable...

there is always consent..

that doesn't mean to say then that, i am Dom at these times..it means there is equal exchange as, they don't support and bring out that part of me..

it doesn't mean to say they should. i don't want to be sub all the time it doesn't suit my nature..

it means interrelations are as unique and different as individual people..

I can get a bit intense at times. Im recently single but never was really a good partner. Maybe I project my own feelings on here too much as Ive never really been part of a "scene" or lifestyle. Swinging sort of interests me but not just the sex which is available in more steteotypical hooking up x

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Not strictly true as I have a strong will/dominant personality but sexually I would rather submit to a (natural) Dom.

Whats a " natural dom" ? Is it a guy who naturally likes to dominate a woman, tell her what to do. Sounds unatural to me

For me it is a guy who is naturally authoritative, not domineering."

Yup, but finding men with real authority is so difficult. Try to dominate me and I will bristle, I am a feisty number, but true authority makes me melt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"dom and sub is a very wide range in spectrum...you could say anything is more passive than an active, such as woman on top..does that make a man sub??? missionary..does that make the woman sub??

its all relative, as was said earlier, the sub lends power, it is not taken.. this lending can be as little or as much as is enjoyable...

there is always consent..

that doesn't mean to say then that, i am Dom at these times..it means there is equal exchange as, they don't support and bring out that part of me..

it doesn't mean to say they should. i don't want to be sub all the time it doesn't suit my nature..

it means interrelations are as unique and different as individual people..

Very well put.

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

OP I know we have disagreed about many of your posts and this is because we seem to be at opposite ends of the spectrum.

The way I read your posts, they appear to me, at the heart of them to revolve around power dynamics.

In "vanilla" marriages if one spouce said to the other, "I'm gonna go fuck that person over there" the other would say "no you're not" or "if you do we're finished"

In our relationship as swingers, in the way that we play, if one of us said the wanted to fuck that person over there, the other would say "ok, have fun".

So to us its not about control, or male vs female fantasies, its about freedom to explore our own sexual desires.

I would think that it would be fairly obvious that there are likely to be different dynamics within a swinging relationship and a vanilla relationship. They have chosen a different relationship style which necessitates a different dynamic.

OP you are not in a swinging relationship, many people who Are in swinging relationships have described to you their dynamics, some of the posters men, some women. Even though they are giving you their first hand knowledge and descriptions of their relationships, you still seem to not believe it, even though you have never experienced it yourself.

Why do you think they are all wrong, and you are right?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

OP I know we have disagreed about many of your posts and this is because we seem to be at opposite ends of the spectrum.

The way I read your posts, they appear to me, at the heart of them to revolve around power dynamics.

In "vanilla" marriages if one spouce said to the other, "I'm gonna go fuck that person over there" the other would say "no you're not" or "if you do we're finished"

In our relationship as swingers, in the way that we play, if one of us said the wanted to fuck that person over there, the other would say "ok, have fun".

So to us its not about control, or male vs female fantasies, its about freedom to explore our own sexual desires.

Why do you think they are all wrong, and you are right?

Here we go again. You do seem very defensive of anything I say. I think swinging is intetesting. Not the be all and end all that you seem to think it is. Maybe you could be a little more tolerant.

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"dom and sub is a very wide range in spectrum...you could say anything is more passive than an active, such as woman on top..does that make a man sub??? missionary..does that make the woman sub??

its all relative, as was said earlier, the sub lends power, it is not taken.. this lending can be as little or as much as is enjoyable...

there is always consent..

that doesn't mean to say then that, i am Dom at these times..it means there is equal exchange as, they don't support and bring out that part of me..

it doesn't mean to say they should. i don't want to be sub all the time it doesn't suit my nature..

it means interrelations are as unique and different as individual people..

i think people get intense when they are finding things out, exploring, working out what is and isnt for them, either defensively, because we want to think, we know who we are, or, in fear that people will somehow take advantage of our vulnerable questioning state,

we often feel we should know...

i find it helpful to go around with a state of wondering, but then as a curious person im not afraid to say im a dumbass in some arenas, but that's partly why i'm here.

i have had a very long spell of celibacy and not being interested in the slightest..and i had to change my perceptions of what relationships were before i wanted to enter the scene here as a single.. its much more diverse, than i previously imagined.

there are pros and cons of being in this world.. i take one day at a time and take time out to process when i need to...but i am very glad i am getting 'touch' again. this journey is about the self, self knowledge, self fulfillment..and i dont mean that necessarily in a selfish way..but it keeps me level headed about what i try, what i agree to, and when i face challenges and fears of my own...

its all about finding out, trying things, changing myself, if it doesn't work and looking for and experiencing variety.. maybe its a bit deep for some on here..but thats ok, they aren't me.. as long as im happy with myself then anything that happens is a bonus x

ive found that as you walk into this world its at first a little overwhelming, but slowly you start to find your feet, start off slowly and take things at your own pace, the avenues change sometimes, you start looking for different things, or more of something you've enjoyed.. the best thing sometimes is the people on here..some of them are lovely and just amazing people..the laughs ive had with some of them...i wouldnt have missed out on entering this scene, for the world..no matter what comes next x enjoy and remember anything goes..you are just as valid as the next person whatever you are seeking x

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Why be the passive watcher of a movie?

And not the director?

We all have areas of our lives where we want someone to take care of things for us, set the rules, create our environment....

You too.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Not strictly true as I have a strong will/dominant personality but sexually I would rather submit to a (natural) Dom.

Whats a " natural dom" ? Is it a guy who naturally likes to dominate a woman, tell her what to do. Sounds unatural to me

For me it is a guy who is naturally authoritative, not domineering.

Yup, but finding men with real authority is so difficult. Try to dominate me and I will bristle, I am a feisty number, but true authority makes me melt.

Always said the thing that turns me off is a passive submissive, there has to be fire, energy in the relationship.

Also it's not a cognitive thing, in life I'm very laid back. Sexually, assertiveness arouses.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"dom and sub is a very wide range in spectrum...you could say anything is more passive than an active, such as woman on top..does that make a man sub??? missionary..does that make the woman sub??

its all relative, as was said earlier, the sub lends power, it is not taken.. this lending can be as little or as much as is enjoyable...

there is always consent..

that doesn't mean to say then that, i am Dom at these times..it means there is equal exchange as, they don't support and bring out that part of me..

it doesn't mean to say they should. i don't want to be sub all the time it doesn't suit my nature..

it means interrelations are as unique and different as individual people..

we often feel we should know...

i find it helpful to go around with a state of wondering, but then as a curious person im not afraid to say im a dumbass in some arenas, but that's partly why i'm here.

Very thoughtful and honest. I appreciate there are so many single males on here and women in particular get hundreds of messages. Im not and never have been hooked on sex alone but I have an addictive personality. I wont go into my earlier years in Holland etc but Ive indulged in risky sexual behaviour to compensate and appease my impulsive character.

I thought swinging could be an avenue fir me; somewhere I could lose myself. I have asked questions in my posts trying to find out about what makes people tick and why. Ive seen that maybe others are trying to find out about themselves and sec is, after all, something we all love to do and triggers the same pleasure/reward responses as some drugs in the brain. Thanksvfor this post. It has made me think x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not strictly true as I have a strong will/dominant personality but sexually I would rather submit to a (natural) Dom.

Whats a " natural dom" ? Is it a guy who naturally likes to dominate a woman, tell her what to do. Sounds unatural to me

For me it is a guy who is naturally authoritative, not domineering.

Yup, but finding men with real authority is so difficult. Try to dominate me and I will bristle, I am a feisty number, but true authority makes me melt.

It is what flicks my switch to submissive. If it's not flicked then I'm a minx/brat/stubborn/challenge, call it what you will (and yet I choose to be sub which sounds a contradiction lol).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey I think it would be great to be a sub and spend most of my time under water

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London

Not strictly true as I have a strong will/dominant personality but sexually I would rather submit to a (natural) Dom.

Whats a " natural dom" ? Is it a guy who naturally likes to dominate a woman, tell her what to do. Sounds unatural to me"

Your joking... It's natural for man to want to dominate all around him.

This is a huge point to debate... But we do, most women too, very rarely can you let that guard down with anyone and just let thing happen.

Especially us westerners, we love to grab the bull by the horns and wrestle it to the ground!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im a Dom by nature. But LOVE my gang bangs. Im neither sub or dom while in one. My fb "hosts" as I normally have my mouth full or under too many bodies. So my host directs the action. But one word from me the action stops so I'm in charge. If you know what I mean.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Dom/sub thing is great. Submitting to another person or group can be a bit uncomfortable depending on what ur doing, but the lack of control is a hot thing....

Likewise taking control can be hot too, full sexual gratification...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah its good, would like a sub my self, someone that sub"mits" to your cock on daily basis

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The Dom/sub thing is great. Submitting to another person or group can be a bit uncomfortable depending on what ur doing, but the lack of control is a hot thing....

Likewise taking control can be hot too, full sexual gratification..."

I couldnt do that, be a sub or dom for that matter. Sex to me isnt about control but empathy and mutual pleasure. Yes I like dirty sex, bareback too but the whole control side of it leaves me cold. Im not criticising those who dont feel like I do - thought Id better write that to placate the thought police on here who seem to think they are the arbiters of what swingers do. All to their own and enjoy.

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"The Dom/sub thing is great. Submitting to another person or group can be a bit uncomfortable depending on what ur doing, but the lack of control is a hot thing....

Likewise taking control can be hot too, full sexual gratification...

just as a note, its only empathy and intuition and genuineness that gets me to sub for anyone..that's the only thing that does, and you cant fake that...but that's 'my' version of being submissive..its not 'the' version.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

However don't forget the submissive side of the husband on his knees begging you to fuck his wife.

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

Here we go again. You do seem very defensive of anything I say. I think swinging is intetesting. Not the be all and end all that you seem to think it is. Maybe you could be a little more tolerant."

OP all i am trying to do is help you to understand what a swinging relationship is like because you seem to have misunderstood what its about. This is the same as many other couples have tried to do over many threads.

I have never said swinging is the be all and end all. Perhaps it simply comes across that way because this is a swingers site and so that is the only aspect of my life that I talk about on here. It's not as though I'm going to chat about my career or family or my car or my hobbies etc. On Fab.

I am very tolerant and in all the threads that we seem to have bashed heads in I have supported peoples right to do what makes them happy. I just find it frustrating and disappointing when you keep dismissing the views of people in swinging relationships and stating your own views about what is "really going on" in a situation that you have never experienced yourself.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Here we go again. You do seem very defensive of anything I say. I think swinging is intetesting. Not the be all and end all that you seem to think it is. Maybe you could be a little more tolerant.

You are becoming funny now. Stop taking everything to heart and always making me the subject instead of the discussion. You continuously go on about me. You tend to personalise my views and its a pity. I must have really anoyed you on that daft poly something thread. I dont have anything personal to say about uou so perhaps you could allow me the same dispensation. Just because you are swingers doesnt make you experts on people or sex for that matter. For what its worth I have been an on off swinger on a different site - not sure if Im allowed to say it here. Ive been to a reasonable number of parties but I find Aberdeen dead as far as swinging is concerned.Enjoy the site

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

I've skimmed the thread and seen lots of things I agree and disagree with and that's usual on these type of posts. I (Rach) am sub, but only to R. No one else is given or trusted with that level of power transfer.

For us the D/s has nothing to do with swinging. It's something between us that we have started to include others who are into that lifestyle. We would never act D/s around regular swingers as it requires a certain mindset that I'm only comfortable adopting with others who have an understanding of what it means.

Swinging for us is separate. We have met people and played as equals. Where I neither seek nor given permission and we act as we each feel appropriate as the evening progresses.

And in answer to your question why be sub... its a sexual preference for me in the same way that being bi is. I can't help what I'm attracted to and I actively seek it out. I can have satisfaction from a number of different encounters but when with R I love this dynamic.

Rach x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Swinging for us is separate. We have met people and played as equals. Where I neither seek nor given permission and we act as we each feel appropriate as the evening progresses.

Rach x"

Thanks for your post.I think you have explained your preferences and how people can adopt this D/S sexual role within a relationship as well as with others whether swingers or not. You may have noticed one or two other posters here think D/S is a swingers preference only. I thought that it was more complicated than that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Swinging for us is separate. We have met people and played as equals. Where I neither seek nor given permission and we act as we each feel appropriate as the evening progresses.

Rach x

I think you are getting confused with what your idea is and what you think you're reading.

D/s relationships or play come from BDSM, it's a kink/fetish. Swingers may or may not have fetishes. You can swing with or without kink and you can delve into BDSM without swinging.

I'm very much into kink and would love to be in a relationship where that is a big part of it (my fetish is for discipline and then submission but not 24/7). Part of that submission, I hope, would be for my partner to want to swing and for him to control who we meet. My reason for this actually goes beyond the D/s dynamic, to reduce potential jealousy. I'm only giving my hopes airing here so that you can see that the human variable means every relationship, every D/s dynamic, every swinger and individual is different.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Swinging for us is separate. We have met people and played as equals. Where I neither seek nor given permission and we act as we each feel appropriate as the evening progresses.

Rach x

I didn't pick up others thinking it's a swing thing only. And it's most certainly not.

I lived the lifestyle 24/7 for sometime (not now) and never played publicly or involved others. In fact I've only ever been involved in one scene as a sub with someone additional involved with us. Played publicly more than this but only as the two of us.

D/s never has to involve other partners and in lots of cases this would be a limit for them, it just so happens that for us, we both enjoy D/s, we also both enjoy swinging. Sometimes both cross but they don't need to.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Swinging for us is separate. We have met people and played as equals. Where I neither seek nor given permission and we act as we each feel appropriate as the evening progresses.

Rach x

I didn't pick up others thinking it's a swing thing only. And it's most certainly not.

Well Ive been told I know nothing about swinging because they assume this is the only swingers site. Because I know nothing my comments on D/S are pointless as I need to be a swinger to understand. If you look through the posts you will see what I mean. Are you saying your relationshop is built around D/S. So not just role play in sex but in everything.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Also it's not a cognitive thing, in life I'm very laid back. Sexually, assertiveness arouses. "

Yes, by authority I don't mean assertive - authority does not need to assert itself in my book.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Swinging for us is separate. We have met people and played as equals. Where I neither seek nor given permission and we act as we each feel appropriate as the evening progresses.

Rach x

I didn't pick up others thinking it's a swing thing only. And it's most certainly not.

Better things to do tbh than to reread and comment on interpretations of others.

Our relationship is built round friendship as that is how we started. R is my bessie and that is the most important thing to both of us.

When we are together for our playtime (having children means we don't have the luxury of anytime being playtime) then we almost always will assume, what an time who knows the lifestyle, to be a M/s relationship. For us this is almost like extended foreplay and deepens the feelings.

I would never be comfortable with referring to D/s as role play though. For me role play is assuming roles, for me D/s is showing a part of myself usually masked for everyday life. I find it hard to explain but there is no acting in the way I would assume the term role play meant. However this is all subjective and based on individual interpretation of the words.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Swinging for us is separate. We have met people and played as equals. Where I neither seek nor given permission and we act as we each feel appropriate as the evening progresses.

Rach x

I didn't pick up others thinking it's a swing thing only. And it's most certainly not.

Better things to do tbh than to reread and comment on interpretations of others.

Our relationship is built round friendship as that is how we started. R is my bessie and that is the most important thing to both of us.

Thanks for your input. Block button.

(thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Swinging for us is separate. We have met people and played as equals. Where I neither seek nor given permission and we act as we each feel appropriate as the evening progresses.

Rach x

I didn't pick up others thinking it's a swing thing only. And it's most certainly not.

Better things to do tbh than to reread and comment on interpretations of others.

Our relationship is built round friendship as that is how we started. R is my bessie and that is the most important thing to both of us.

Thanks for your input. Block button."

That wasn't due to this thread

(thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

If you don't get it surely the solution is simplu not to meet people who are in to it and focus on those who aren't

I agree but the OP didn;t ask a question, he just said it was weird and he didn't get it. That terminology is hardly suggestive of wanting to learn

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Some people don't understand anal as their perception is it's too close to scat play.

Some people don't understand school uniforms in adult dressing up as it's perceived to be too close to paedophilia.

Some people don't understand pet play as it's perceived to be too close to beasitality.

The point I'm trying to make is there are some kinks and fetishes which are considered more 'mainstream' or 'acceptable' than others. In my opinion, as long as it's consensual then it's none of my business what people get up to and nobody should care about what others think of their sex life and their choices.

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By *eepster69Man
over a year ago

Dumfries

Who's judging. Im just asking a question.??"

If you look at some of your posts, you imply you feel the 'sub' is being coerced into acting this way.

I believe couples who have the maturity and trust in their relationships to take part in the swinging lifestyle have a healthier respect for each other than many 'normal' couples.

I trust we aren't supplying material for a thesis or any other research material for you?

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By *eepster69Man
over a year ago

Dumfries

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Some people don't understand anal as their perception is it's too close to scat play.

Some people don't understand school uniforms in adult dressing up as it's perceived to be too close to paedophilia.

Some people don't understand pet play as it's perceived to be too close to beasitality.

Well said! This is how it should be!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

If you don't get it surely the solution is simplu not to meet people who are in to it and focus on those who aren't

I agree but the OP didn;t ask a question, he just said it was weird and he didn't get it. That terminology is hardly suggestive of wanting to learn"

Some of you are so funny and continue to talk about me and not the subject. I think that is very telling and tefkects a defensive attitude to opinions and quedtions. Yes finding something weird is an opinion so I thought it was ok to express it. Calm down and take a deep blocj button

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Some people don't understand anal as their perception is it's too close to scat play.

Some people don't understand school uniforms in adult dressing up as it's perceived to be too close to paedophilia.

Some people don't understand pet play as it's perceived to be too close to beasitality.

Well said! This is how it should be!

I dont think so. Now that post is worrying. I suppose the pets in oet play (uggh) are sub as they dont get a choice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Some people don't understand anal as their perception is it's too close to scat play.

Some people don't understand school uniforms in adult dressing up as it's perceived to be too close to paedophilia.

Some people don't understand pet play as it's perceived to be too close to beasitality.

Well said! This is how it should be!

I dont think so. Now that post is worrying. I suppose the pets in oet play (uggh) are sub as they dont get a choice."

All subs have a choice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

If you don't get it surely the solution is simplu not to meet people who are in to it and focus on those who aren't

I agree but the OP didn;t ask a question, he just said it was weird and he didn't get it. That terminology is hardly suggestive of wanting to learn

It's not defensive and I never said that having an opinion was wrong It's just that generally it's pretty pointless debating fetishes with someone that dismisses them as weird and seems closedminded as to why others might enjoy them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Some people don't understand anal as their perception is it's too close to scat play.

Some people don't understand school uniforms in adult dressing up as it's perceived to be too close to paedophilia.

Some people don't understand pet play as it's perceived to be too close to beasitality.

Well said! This is how it should be!

I dont think so. Now that post is worrying. I suppose the pets in oet play (uggh) are sub as they dont get a choice."

Not necessarily. Before anyone does anything sexual, consent should be obtained. By forcing someone to do something without consent, that's sexual abuse or rape. Even where people have given up control in a Master slave type relationship, that has happened through discussion and consent and consent can always be withdrawn by anyone at any point.

There are people who would think that you were disgusting by just having a profile on a swingers site looking for casual sex.

There's a phrase on the Fet scene 'Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is Ok' which recognises that not everyone is into the same things but as long as they don't force their sexual preferences onto you, it's ok.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Some people don't understand anal as their perception is it's too close to scat play.

Some people don't understand school uniforms in adult dressing up as it's perceived to be too close to paedophilia.

Some people don't understand pet play as it's perceived to be too close to beasitality.

Well said! This is how it should be!

I dont think so. Now that post is worrying. I suppose the pets in oet play (uggh) are sub as they dont get a choice.

All subs have a choice"

Pets dont though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Some people don't understand anal as their perception is it's too close to scat play.

Some people don't understand school uniforms in adult dressing up as it's perceived to be too close to paedophilia.

Some people don't understand pet play as it's perceived to be too close to beasitality.

Well said! This is how it should be!

I dont think so. Now that post is worrying. I suppose the pets in oet play (uggh) are sub as they dont get a choice.

All subs have a choice

Pets dont though

Animals can't consent which is why it is wrong and should be punished in accordance with the law.

Pet play is a different thing altogether.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 03/09/15 19:52:52]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Some people don't understand anal as their perception is it's too close to scat play.

Some people don't understand school uniforms in adult dressing up as it's perceived to be too close to paedophilia.

Some people don't understand pet play as it's perceived to be too close to beasitality.

Well said! This is how it should be!

I dont think so. Now that post is worrying. I suppose the pets in oet play (uggh) are sub as they dont get a choice.

All subs have a choice

Pets dont though

Animals can't consent which is why it is wrong and should be punished in accordance with the law.

Pet play is a different thing altogether."

I thought so. Just trying to lighten the serious mood. Its supposed to be fun

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By *eepster69Man
over a year ago

Dumfries

Holborn, Can you confirm you aren't finding material for research or a thesis etc?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Holborn, Can you confirm you aren't finding material for research or a thesis etc?"

I can confirm Im not doing anything like that. Im just having a bit of fun with some people taking themselves very seriously. No thesis here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Some people don't understand anal as their perception is it's too close to scat play.

Some people don't understand school uniforms in adult dressing up as it's perceived to be too close to paedophilia.

Some people don't understand pet play as it's perceived to be too close to beasitality.

Well said! This is how it should be!

I dont think so. Now that post is worrying. I suppose the pets in oet play (uggh) are sub as they dont get a choice.

All subs have a choice

Pets dont though

Animals can't consent which is why it is wrong and should be punished in accordance with the law.

Pet play is a different thing altogether.

I thought so. Just trying to lighten the serious mood. Its supposed to be fun

Your OP called something that some people are into as 'weird' so you set the tone of the thread in my opinion.

I don't find non consensual related subjects funny and is not something I would make light of.

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By *evilishCouple69Couple
over a year ago

Glasgow

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

As you can see from our name, we're a D/s swinging couple

I'm (Miss P) a switch so I can take either role but have only felt really able to sub with my boyfriend. Prior to us meeting, I was in an 8 year monogomous relationship where BDSM was a huge part of our sex life with me as the Domme and him my sub, no swinging at all.

When Master A and I got together we were both actively looking on the dating scene for a person into BDSM as we already knew that sexually it was the big turn on for us. After we got together we started talking about the idea of swinging and incorporated it into our sex life - mostly vanilla stuff though, just because majority of the people we've met haven't been into BDSM.

The whole asking permission thing is part of just a standard couple set up, though reading your posts makes me think she was giving the impression that he was ordering her to have sex with the guys? Usually these kind of scenes (with partial or total power exchange) are discussed in detail before but the important thing to remember with BDSM play is the sub is really the one in control, they safe word and all of it stops

You do get the ones though who play without safeword but (hopefully!) it's through building up trust to the point they trust their partner with their life/safety. The ones who rush in/give up their power to people they don't know or trust exist too but that might be the turn on to them, the risk of the unknown. With all of the more risky areas of life, this is more dangerous and tends to be frowned upon in the BDSM world as it gives the whole thing a bad reputation, usually it's the horror stories that make the news.

You mentioned you're not really enjoying the Aberdeen scene much, have you gone along to the club? I know you're mostly interested in bareback but you're open and chatty about your preferences so you might meet some like minded people

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

As you can see from our name, we're a D/s swinging couple

I havnt been to the swinger club tet. Ive read very mixed reviews. Thanks for your post, we are all very different.

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By *layfulserfMan
over a year ago

Northolt

For me there are a number of reasons

I used to be a supervisor and would have to control situations so it made a change.

When meeting couple's my preference out of respect has always been for the partner to be the alpha male.

Im also no stud and not every couple is looking for a stud and a Bull.

I enjoy role play and love being teased and made to feel my manhood literally aching for attention

It can provide an opportunity to experiment and explore

Im no doormat though and wont play with people who are disrespectful

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

I'm sexually submissive. I find it erotic to be this way, however, never mistake submissiveness to equate to being a doormat. I cannot be a sub to just any man. I have to feel his authority."

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Also it's not a cognitive thing, in life I'm very laid back. Sexually, assertiveness arouses.

Yes, by authority I don't mean assertive - authority does not need to assert itself in my book.

Semantics I suspect (I'm not a lover of the word dominating). It's difficult to explain a holistic presence in a single word.

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire

Why be a sub?

It just feels right. My submission isn't some precious gift that I lend. It can be triggered by others that I have that particular spark with.

Being controlled gives me a release. My mind races constantly but when I'm sub mode with my dom, I feel ease and calmness. I know I can melt into everything and he can guide the way.

Sex becomes as much about mental stimulation as physical stimulation for us. Maybe more so.

Control extends outside of sexual play because that's what suits us both.

I guess I feel like I'm naturally a pleaser. I would do anything to make him happy and feel so satisfied when he tells me I'm a good girl. Put me in the same situation with someone else and it wouldn't work.

It's all about the individuals. Every sub, every Dom, every switch, will want different.

If it feels good and it's consensual and legal, roll with it. If you try it and don't like it, doesn't mean to say under different circumstances or different play, with a different person, you might feel differently.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 04/09/15 12:56:50]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

First lets strip away a few things Swinging is having sex with other people on a casual basis. Now there is many ways to enhance this experience and to fulfill both male and female led fantasies including BDSM, cuckold play, gangbangs, bukkake, Dom/sub and many, many more possibilities.

Dom/sub situations aren't about being coerced into something and you'll find that quite often people who are normally in control of their daily lifes will be sub's. They wish to give up that to someone they trust so that they can let their hair down and relax. There is often a lot of discussion that happens between Dom and sub before any play happens so that sub can explain what they are looking for from the arrangement and to set boundaries. A true Dom merely then makes this fantasy become reality and they will have safewords to say hang on I don't like whats happening.

Dom/sub relationships aren't always male led as with Ginger we sometimes play with the Mistress/sub play. She is a switch however and on occasions I've seen her submit to an authoritive male however a bossy male is unlikely to get the same reaction.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sexually submissive with the right man, however the whole master/sub thing doesn't interest me, I just like giving control sexually, I could never be owned! I'd never do as I was told anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think the dom/sub is just part of the sexual experience, its role play, i wont work unless you have agreed on it, ive been both dom and sub which is good fun, it gives u a new sense of pleasure, i personaly love dominating men and being submissive to women

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"First lets strip away a few things Swinging is having sex with other people on a casual basis. Now there is many ways to enhance this experience and to fulfill both male and female led fantasies including BDSM, cuckold play, gangbangs, bukkake, Dom/sub and many, many more possibilities.

Very true point made...I control everything else in my life to a certain point! I like to give that control to someone else when it comes to sex!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oops wish to pick up something sub_ilac mentioned, praise and recognition. People think firstly of the punishment side when think Dom/sub and BDSM and although some subs will push to test their Doms being praised and treated for 'good behaviour' is often the satisfaction gained from these arrangements. We all like to be told when we've done something well?

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By *tallionExoticaMan
over a year ago

Islington

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Some people don't understand anal as their perception is it's too close to scat play.

Some people don't understand school uniforms in adult dressing up as it's perceived to be too close to paedophilia.

Some people don't understand pet play as it's perceived to be too close to beasitality.

Well said! This is how it should be!

I dont think so. Now that post is worrying. I suppose the pets in oet play (uggh) are sub as they dont get a choice.

There are people who would think that you were disgusting by just having a profile on a swingers site looking for casual sex.

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Some people don't understand anal as their perception is it's too close to scat play.

Some people don't understand school uniforms in adult dressing up as it's perceived to be too close to paedophilia.

Some people don't understand pet play as it's perceived to be too close to beasitality.

Yes, well said.

(thread closed by moderator)

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire

"Oops wish to pick up something sub_ilac mentioned, praise and recognition. People think firstly of the punishment side when think Dom/sub and BDSM and although some subs will push to test their Doms being praised and treated for 'good behaviour' is often the satisfaction gained from these arrangements. We all like to be told when we've done something well?"

For us, it's about positivity. The stuff I get punished for is because I've not done something he asked me to do in vanilla life. Such as go to the gym, or do some work that I know I have to do and have been delaying, or if he knows I'm shattered so he's told me to get an early night and I don't. I suppose our D/s relationship is quite nurturing.

It's not all violence and selfishness. It's not about me pleasuring him on command and me running round daft after him. There is a lot of worship from my side, that feels natural for me to do with him. I put him on a pedestal and trust him to make decisions for me.

Why I say my submission isn't a gift, is because sometimes I don't give it to him willingly and he will just exert his authority and take it. Which I totally love and hate in equal measures.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Why I say my submission isn't a gift, is because sometimes I don't give it to him willingly and he will just exert his authority and take it. Which I totally love and hate in equal measures. "

You have summed this up very well, it's not this or that's, it's a dynamic dance of sexuality and sensual play. The sensitivity exploration is mutual, the Dynamic consensual. The fun before and after.... Exceptional.

Well for us

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well.... Im baffled. How women(lts face it guys all your subs are women) can let some guy order them to do this or that. Punish their women (sub) if they arent happy. Punish if she hasnt "gone to the gym" ! Im not sure if this is sex or just abuse. My point is that this behaviour goes beyond the bedroom into everyday life.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Why I say my submission isn't a gift, is because sometimes I don't give it to him willingly and he will just exert his authority and take it. Which I totally love and hate in equal measures.

Well for us

? Lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Some people don't understand anal as their perception is it's too close to scat play.

Some people don't understand school uniforms in adult dressing up as it's perceived to be too close to paedophilia.

Some people don't understand pet play as it's perceived to be too close to beasitality.

Yes, well said."

I sgree that kinks and fetishes are no one elses business. What I have read by some posters here is bordering on total control and oersonal subjugation to another person because of a sexual fetish. The problem I see is that this is not just a role play fetish but is a controlling behaviour over another person who has lost their willbto decide.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Subs are really good at going down

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Subs are really good at going down

Some are great at getting their periscope up......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"... The problem I see is that this is not just a role play fetish but is a controlling behaviour over another person who has lost their willbto decide."

WRONG! It's a conscious decision. The parameters are also consciously decided. Even with M/s interactions, whereby it's often consensual non-consent.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why have gang bangs?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well.... Im baffled. How women(lts face it guys all your subs are women) can let some guy order them to do this or that. Punish their women (sub) if they arent happy. Punish if she hasnt "gone to the gym" ! Im not sure if this is sex or just abuse. My point is that this behaviour goes beyond the bedroom into everyday life."

Why did you bother to post and ask for people's insights into something you don't understand if you won't read properly what they've put and instead continue to put them down for their lifestyle choices???

Constantly on this thread and others you've posted on you make the note of Male led fantasies which women are coerced into even though the Dom/sub is also quite commonly know for having strong females in charge or have you never heard of Dominatrixes or is it Dominatrices? The point is that it's done because there is trust and often unlike what you've read in 50 shades there is a nuturing aspect taken on by the Dom for their subs. Personally I don't think your looking for education but as a way to sneer at others for their choices imo.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Some people don't understand anal as their perception is it's too close to scat play.

Some people don't understand school uniforms in adult dressing up as it's perceived to be too close to paedophilia.

Some people don't understand pet play as it's perceived to be too close to beasitality.

Yes, well said.

Subs never lose their will to decide hence the use of safe words and how is it controlling behaviour if that person has been given permission to do so?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My thoughts exactly.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

My thoughts exactly."

50 shades - never read it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Some people don't understand anal as their perception is it's too close to scat play.

Some people don't understand school uniforms in adult dressing up as it's perceived to be too close to paedophilia.

Some people don't understand pet play as it's perceived to be too close to beasitality.

Yes, well said.

Subs never lose their will to decide hence the use of safe words and how is it controlling behaviour if that person has been given permission to do so?

"Given permission to do so" ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why have gang bangs?"

Good question. Why indeed. Why do some women want them ? Beats me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Some people don't understand anal as their perception is it's too close to scat play.

Some people don't understand school uniforms in adult dressing up as it's perceived to be too close to paedophilia.

Some people don't understand pet play as it's perceived to be too close to beasitality.

Yes, well said.

Subs never lose their will to decide hence the use of safe words and how is it controlling behaviour if that person has been given permission to do so?

"Given permission to do so" ?"

Yes this will be difficult for you to grasp but the person who actually has the most control in a Dom/sub, cuckold, master/mistress slave relationship is the one deemed by outsiders to have the least power ie the sub, cuck or slave seeing its them that would first have set down the guidelines for what will take place in the relationships.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Haha the sub is in control

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

He's not interested in the lifestyle or what the people who actively participate in think. He has he preconceived notions of what its all about and wont listen to a word anyone has to say against it.

He just wants to try and wind people up.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

He's not interested in the lifestyle or what the people who actively participate in think. He has he preconceived notions of what its all about and wont listen to a word anyone has to say against it.

He just wants to try and wind people up. "

I really have upset you havnt I. You follow me about everywhere. Maybe you should ask yourself why you feel the need to do that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

Some people don't understand anal as their perception is it's too close to scat play.

Some people don't understand school uniforms in adult dressing up as it's perceived to be too close to paedophilia.

Some people don't understand pet play as it's perceived to be too close to beasitality.

Yes, well said.

Subs never lose their will to decide hence the use of safe words and how is it controlling behaviour if that person has been given permission to do so?

"Given permission to do so" ?

Im not commenting on the sex tole play. Im commenting on the posts where the dom sub role play is not just for sexual fantasies etc. Where some on here write about their wjole lives being built around being dominated, pumished. Not just sex tole play but in real life everyday experiences.

I keep making this point but continue to be misintetpreted. Read my posts and not just the responses. Looks like some minds are made up anyway.

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By *aramelMINXWoman
over a year ago

West Yorkshire

Don't know how women can get aroused by demeaning herself...

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By *dam and slutCouple
over a year ago

Manchester

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

I'm sexually submissive. I find it erotic to be this way, however, never mistake submissiveness to equate to being a doormat. I cannot be a sub to just any man. I have to feel his authority."

Love this reply..nailed it

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By *dam and slutCouple
over a year ago

Manchester

"Oops wish to pick up something sub_ilac mentioned, praise and recognition. People think firstly of the punishment side when think Dom/sub and BDSM and although some subs will push to tDoms being praised and treated for 'good behaviour' is often the satisfaction gained from these arrangements. We all like to be told when we've done something well?

Why I say my submission isn't a gift, is because sometimes I don't give it to him willingly and he will just exert his authority and take it. Which I totally love and hate in equal measures. "

Well said...nailed it..

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"Don't know how women can get aroused by demeaning herself... "

Others apply the same thoughts to swingers.... different strokes for different folks.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

Exactly!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Don't know how women can get aroused by demeaning herself... "

Your perception is as skewed as the op.

To a man my sub playmates are all high flyers. They are all alpha males with responsibilities, positions where the decisions are theirs.

To be in a position to relinquish control sexually to someone they trust balances them.

I can understand that. I'm basically a dominant person with a stressful job and some of the decisions I have to make can impact lives.

When home I leave the decisions to Ben, not in a sexual way, but day to day things like what light fittings, what to plant in the garden etc and it's my house.

There is no demeaning going on.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Don't know how women can get aroused by demeaning herself...

Your perception is as skewed as the op.

To a man my sub playmates are all high flyers. They are all alpha males with responsibilities, positions where the decisions are theirs.

To be in a position to relinquish control sexually to someone they trust balances them.

I can understand that. I'm basically a dominant person with a stressful job and some of the decisions I have to make can impact lives.

When home I leave the decisions to Ben, not in a sexual way, but day to day things like what light fittings, what to plant in the garden etc and it's my house.

There is no demeaning going on."

I dont follow uour point at all. Light fittings. I thought this was a sex site not a site for control of other peoples daily life. I think what Im reading gete is very strange.

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"I dont follow uour point at all. Light fittings. I thought this was a sex site not a site for control of other peoples daily life. I think what Im reading gete is very strange."

Try reading all of it, it makes perfect sense.

If you still need it explaining...er...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love the sub role but does not mean I am sub in normal life it's role play and everyone has something that's gets them off

Each to there own as long as its causes no harm or offence to anyone x

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I dont follow uour point at all. Light fittings. I thought this was a sex site not a site for control of other peoples daily life. I think what Im reading gete is very strange.

Try reading all of it, it makes perfect sense.

If you still need it explaining...er...

Of course it does, but the op is pretending to be obtuse as he has no intention of trying to understand, just his own agenda to belittle others.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I dont follow uour point at all. Light fittings. I thought this was a sex site not a site for control of other peoples daily life. I think what Im reading gete is very strange.

Try reading all of it, it makes perfect sense.

If you still need it explaining...er...

Perfect sense. Being ordered about and subjugated in normal life- evetyday. I had no idea people were looking for that. I thought this site had liberated people who love sex. This is way beyond that, your comments and others dont sound very liberated to me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I dont follow uour point at all. Light fittings. I thought this was a sex site not a site for control of other peoples daily life. I think what Im reading gete is very strange.

Try reading all of it, it makes perfect sense.

If you still need it explaining...er...

Of course it does, but the op is pretending to be obtuse as he has no intention of trying to understand, just his own agenda to belittle others."

How bizarre. I actually am concerned about some sub women on here. Im not trying to belittle you. You are doing a great job of that without my help.

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By *ikki ShooterTV/TS
over a year ago

Epsom

A great man once said

"everything is about sex, except sex!

Sex is about power!"

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"Im not trying to belittle you. You are doing a great job of that without my help."

Quoted for comedy value...if there was a (

) emoji this is the place for it.

I tried being (reasonably) polite, but now I'm down to the other two options. OP, you're still misinterpreting the post about light bulbs. I'm going to try and ignore you, but don't be surprised if I fail and mock you.

Good luck.

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

I just found r o f l works! Doesn't reflect actual rolling,but I'll take it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I dont follow uour point at all. Light fittings. I thought this was a sex site not a site for control of other peoples daily life. I think what Im reading gete is very strange.

Try reading all of it, it makes perfect sense.

If you still need it explaining...er...

Of course it does, but the op is pretending to be obtuse as he has no intention of trying to understand, just his own agenda to belittle others.

How bizarre. I actually am concerned about some sub women on here. Im not trying to belittle you. You are doing a great job of that without my help."

So you don't give a fuck about the sub men then? Is that because in your opinion it was their fantasy that led them to be sub and they can handle themselves whilst all female subs were coerced? So what if some people choose to extend this outside of the bedroom that is their choice. So in simplest terms possible for you....

Dom/sub relationship = 2 consenting adults

Abusive relationship = nothing to do with what we're talking about and completely abhorrent.

You're not even encouraging a proper debate but instead probably stroking your chin with pride thinking about how your comments will seek to wind up those responding.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I dont follow uour point at all. Light fittings. I thought this was a sex site not a site for control of other peoples daily life. I think what Im reading gete is very strange.

Try reading all of it, it makes perfect sense.

If you still need it explaining...er...

Of course it does, but the op is pretending to be obtuse as he has no intention of trying to understand, just his own agenda to belittle others.

How bizarre. I actually am concerned about some sub women on here. Im not trying to belittle you. You are doing a great job of that without my help."

As I said: obtuse, so knowing that, pointless me continuing this "debate".

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire

"I dont follow uour point at all. Light fittings. I thought this was a sex site not a site for control of other peoples daily life. I think what Im reading gete is very strange.

Try reading all of it, it makes perfect sense.

If you still need it explaining...er...

It's hard to explain but it's the most freeing sensation. It's like being put into the safest place where you can explore you're perhaps darkest fantasies, under the care of someone else. The established ground rules, develop the bond, the trust and the dynamic that makes it work.

It's not a case of every man being able to dominate me. I just have that chemistry with individuals and to different levels. I might play at an event and do a short scene with a Dom. This would be none sexual and probably be sensory play. While I'm submitting to him for this short period, it wouldn't be the level of submission that comes within the relationship I have with my own dom.

The additional lifestyle stuff that you seem to struggle to understand, I can only explain as this...

We agreed in our relationship to try and bring out the best in each other. He's like my personal trainer without me paying. It's almost like he's a life coach. He doesn't make ridiculous demands on me but he expects me to behave with a certain level of responsibility and positivity. If I'm moaning to him that I'm tired, then he's probably going to tell me I need an early night. It's a two way thing, if he says he is going to do something for me, I expect him to deliver, otherwise it would tinge the trust we have.

It's absolutely not a lifestyle for everyone. And people try it to different degrees. You'll probably never get your head around it. You're getting some decent explanations and insight here from various people who practise this lifestyle.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Saying you don't get something for whatever reason is allowed. Debate and tell him why you think he is wrong instead of attacking him for saying it.

To anyone this applies to, if you are getting pissed off by a persons posts, ignore them or the thread and check out the many other threads.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Don't know how women can get aroused by demeaning herself...

Your perception is as skewed as the op.

To a man my sub playmates are all high flyers. They are all alpha males with responsibilities, positions where the decisions are theirs.

To be in a position to relinquish control sexually to someone they trust balances them.

I can understand that. I'm basically a dominant person with a stressful job and some of the decisions I have to make can impact lives.

When home I leave the decisions to Ben, not in a sexual way, but day to day things like what light fittings, what to plant in the garden etc and it's my house.

There is no demeaning going on.

I dont follow uour point at all. Light fittings. I thought this was a sex site not a site for control of other peoples daily life. I think what Im reading gete is very strange."

I think you may have missed an obvious point the poster was making.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have met a few couples, Im new to swinging as pointed out on another thread

. and I dont get the master and sub female attraction. Is this swinging or something swingers do. It is a bit weird for someone new to swinging when a woman asks for permission to fuck or is told to. BTW Ive met people on another site names after a Greek goddes."
coz if you were an asylum seeker you could sneak up under water and avoid passport control ,simples

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By *eldomVanillaMan
over a year ago

London

Because its fun letting someone else take control

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Saying you don't get something for whatever reason is allowed. Debate and tell him why you think he is wrong instead of attacking him for saying it.

To anyone this applies to, if you are getting pissed off by a persons posts, ignore them or the thread and check out the many other threads.

You dont seem to be following your own advisr. I notice you have posted a lot about my inability to understand anything. I think you protest too much, you are obviously getting pissed off. Maybe your " don" is annoyed at me

hope so

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Saying you don't get something for whatever reason is allowed. Debate and tell him why you think he is wrong instead of attacking him for saying it.

To anyone this applies to, if you are getting pissed off by a persons posts, ignore them or the thread and check out the many other threads.

hope so"

If I had said " you are thick as shit who doesn't understand anything I can understand your post...... but as I said I think you have missed an obvious point by a poster it isn't an attack at all. more an observation

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Saying you don't get something for whatever reason is allowed. Debate and tell him why you think he is wrong instead of attacking him for saying it.

To anyone this applies to, if you are getting pissed off by a persons posts, ignore them or the thread and check out the many other threads.

hope so"

Psstt...BTW the post your quoted was defending your right to have your view

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Saying you don't get something for whatever reason is allowed. Debate and tell him why you think he is wrong instead of attacking him for saying it.

To anyone this applies to, if you are getting pissed off by a persons posts, ignore them or the thread and check out the many other threads.

hope so

Psstt...BTW the post your quoted was defending your right to have your view

My apoligies. Im not perfect after all. I was defensive and assumed you were having a go at me. I should have read your post properly.

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By *lbie6Man
over a year ago

glasgow

I luv being a sub used by a couple

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Saying you don't get something for whatever reason is allowed. Debate and tell him why you think he is wrong instead of attacking him for saying it.

To anyone this applies to, if you are getting pissed off by a persons posts, ignore them or the thread and check out the many other threads.

hope so"

You do realise the Mod was defending you right?!! Obviously not...sigh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't know how women can get aroused by demeaning herself... "
hey sexy I'm with you pleasure is about giving and receiving not about subduing x

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

[Removed by poster at 05/09/15 11:51:52]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because it makes sense, for both of us.

If it doesn't make sense, if it doesn't give you both what you need then it shouldn't be done. It also doesn't need to be justified and argued.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Saying you don't get something for whatever reason is allowed. Debate and tell him why you think he is wrong instead of attacking him for saying it.

To anyone this applies to, if you are getting pissed off by a persons posts, ignore them or the thread and check out the many other threads.

hope so

Psstt...BTW the post your quoted was defending your right to have your view

My apoligies. Im not perfect after all. I was defensive and assumed you were having a go at me. I should have read your post properly.

Point proven.

To your OP....different kinks for different people...we don't have to "get something" for others to enjoy their kinks.

We have had roleplay as Dom and Sub but that's as far as it goes, an odd variation to our sex life but there are lots of varying degrees of Sub and Dom play just like there are varying degrees of gangbangs.

For me , once it goes into real life rather than just your sex life then it becomes alien and it wouldn't be something we would do...but that's just us.

Yes I do think there are some vulnerable people about who might get sucked into that lifestyle but there are also a lot of people who enjoy the kink/ lifestyle who are consenting adults. If those adults contact you and it isn't your thing, then say no

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Saying you don't get something for whatever reason is allowed. Debate and tell him why you think he is wrong instead of attacking him for saying it.

To anyone this applies to, if you are getting pissed off by a persons posts, ignore them or the thread and check out the many other threads.

hope so

Psstt...BTW the post your quoted was defending your right to have your view

My apoligies. Im not perfect after all. I was defensive and assumed you were having a go at me. I should have read your post properly.

Point proven.

To your OP....different kinks for different people...we don't have to "get something" for others to enjoy their kinks.

We have had roleplay as Dom and Sub but that's as far as it goes, an odd variation to our sex life so why I am guessing there are lots of varying degrees of Sub and Dom play.

For me , once it goes into real life rather than just your sex life then it becomes alien and it wouldn't be something we would do...but that's just us.

Yes I do think there are some vulnerable people about who might get sucked into that lifestyle but there are also a lot of people who enjoy the kink/ lifestyle who are two not vulnerable consenting adults. If those adults contact you and it isn't your thing, then say no.

Fair comment. That is exactly the point I was trying to make about consensual tole play and the more sinister coersing of vulnerable peopke - lets face it women are usually the sub inbthese real life dominated arrangements.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I don't know the ratio but it seems to me more women being subs from what I have seen.

What you can't do is accuse every Sub/Dom relationship of being in a vulnerable relationship as that can't be true.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I don't know the ratio but it seems to me more women being subs from what I have seen.

What you can't do is accuse every Sub/Dom relationship of being in a vulnerable relationship as that can't be true. "

Im sorry if I have given that impression. I certainly dont think that, I realise that most sub dom relationships can be sexuslly liberating and rewarding. I was just concerned at some of the posts that looked like it was way more than that. Taking bedroom; party; sex club whatever role play out of a sexual environment or context, to me, is getting outbof hand. Once again we agree

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire

I don't know the ratio but it seems to me more women being subs from what I have seen.

What you can't do is accuse every Sub/Dom relationship of being in a vulnerable relationship as that can't be true.

My dynamic takes place outside of the bedroom. We don't spend every minute in D/s mode. Not at any point, is it getting out of hand. My lifestyle is just not the same as yours.

I'm sure people see porn with a public disgrace theme or extreme humiliation and think that's what D/s is. In some cases, it couldn't be more different. It's not about demeaning and abuse. For me, it's about intensity, stimulation and trust.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Saying you don't get something for whatever reason is allowed. Debate and tell him why you think he is wrong instead of attacking him for saying it.

To anyone this applies to, if you are getting pissed off by a persons posts, ignore them or the thread and check out the many other threads.

hope so

Psstt...BTW the post your quoted was defending your right to have your view

My apoligies. Im not perfect after all. I was defensive and assumed you were having a go at me. I should have read your post properly.

You could apply that to many of the posts where people have tried to give you an insight into their lives and educate you that in the most part submissives are incredibly strong people. They enter these relationships either sexually or 24/7 giving consent and control within their chosen parameters, to their Doms/ Dommes.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

I have said before, One of my first D\s encounters was with a a very prominent member of the law.

She was incredibly controlling cognitively, sexually very submissive, a juxtaposition release in a west.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Way

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Saying you don't get something for whatever reason is allowed. Debate and tell him why you think he is wrong instead of attacking him for saying it.

To anyone this applies to, if you are getting pissed off by a persons posts, ignore them or the thread and check out the many other threads.

hope so

Psstt...BTW the post your quoted was defending your right to have your view

My apoligies. Im not perfect after all. I was defensive and assumed you were having a go at me. I should have read your post properly.

You know. Imgetting bored with this self indulgent over serious crap. Get a life and stop moaning about the ridiculous sexual fantasies of subs dons whatever. The whole thing is ridiculous. Taken seriously by over compensating swingers. I thought you guys wanted to fuck. Whats all this nonsense about lifestyke 24/7. How absurd. Lighten ip.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I don't know the ratio but it seems to me more women being subs from what I have seen.

What you can't do is accuse every Sub/Dom relationship of being in a vulnerable relationship as that can't be true.

My dynamic takes place outside of the bedroom. We don't spend every minute in D/s mode. Not at any point, is it getting out of hand. My lifestyle is just not the same as yours.

This forum. What are you lot talkibg about. Don sub, you really take this mind fuck seriously. Why not just try living life without playing games. Rokebplay is what this should be, not a lifestyle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This forum. What are you lot talkibg about. Don sub, you really take this mind fuck seriously. Why not just try living life without playing games. Rokebplay is what this should be, not a lifestyle. "

If people enjoy it, why shouldn't they do it as a lifestyle?

Games are fun. That's why we play them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Saying you don't get something for whatever reason is allowed. Debate and tell him why you think he is wrong instead of attacking him for saying it.

To anyone this applies to, if you are getting pissed off by a persons posts, ignore them or the thread and check out the many other threads.

hope so

Psstt...BTW the post your quoted was defending your right to have your view

My apoligies. Im not perfect after all. I was defensive and assumed you were having a go at me. I should have read your post properly.

Seriously you clearly no nothing aboiut D/s and your posts make it clear that you aren't interested in listening to people that do and just want to insult them

We get it. You think it's weird but why the anger and lack of respect towards those who enjoy kink?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Saying you don't get something for whatever reason is allowed. Debate and tell him why you think he is wrong instead of attacking him for saying it.

To anyone this applies to, if you are getting pissed off by a persons posts, ignore them or the thread and check out the many other threads.

hope so

Psstt...BTW the post your quoted was defending your right to have your view

My apoligies. Im not perfect after all. I was defensive and assumed you were having a go at me. I should have read your post properly.

You asked a question. People tried to explain. Why are you so rude to them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Saying you don't get something for whatever reason is allowed. Debate and tell him why you think he is wrong instead of attacking him for saying it.

To anyone this applies to, if you are getting pissed off by a persons posts, ignore them or the thread and check out the many other threads.

hope so

Psstt...BTW the post your quoted was defending your right to have your view

My apoligies. Im not perfect after all. I was defensive and assumed you were having a go at me. I should have read your post properly.

Bless your little cotton socks. You continue in your ignorance then.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Saying you don't get something for whatever reason is allowed. Debate and tell him why you think he is wrong instead of attacking him for saying it.

To anyone this applies to, if you are getting pissed off by a persons posts, ignore them or the thread and check out the many other threads.

hope so

Psstt...BTW the post your quoted was defending your right to have your view

My apoligies. Im not perfect after all. I was defensive and assumed you were having a go at me. I should have read your post properly.

You asked a question. People tried to explain. Why are you so rude to them?"

Simply because he cannot understand that far greater minds than his can go beyond the mere act of a fuck!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Saying you don't get something for whatever reason is allowed. Debate and tell him why you think he is wrong instead of attacking him for saying it.

To anyone this applies to, if you are getting pissed off by a persons posts, ignore them or the thread and check out the many other threads.

hope so

Psstt...BTW the post your quoted was defending your right to have your view

My apoligies. Im not perfect after all. I was defensive and assumed you were having a go at me. I should have read your post properly.

You asked a question. People tried to explain. Why are you so rude to them?

Simply because he cannot understand that far greater minds than his can go beyond the mere act of a fuck!"

You see this is exactly what Im talking about. Pretentious, indulgent and condescending. Creepy....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes we do but we don't expect to get punished for not doing so well

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

You see this is exactly what Im talking about. Pretentious, indulgent and condescending. Creepy....

Are other people logging into your account as your posts before you came back to answer these were not rude at all.

Either way it might be time to shut this. Please don't start another

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