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Converting Vanilla Friends

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By *LCC OP   Couple
over a year ago

Cambridge

So we are out to our close friends about being in the lifestyle. Two couples are interested in it, well the wives are, but the men are not sure.

Has anyone ever converted their vanilla friends into the lifestyle?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not us but one of our friends on the scene has converted a female workmate who is often seen at clubs and parties with them. We don't tell anyone what we do and rather just guess who would be up for it. Get the impression from some they would be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

surely the worse thing to do is mess with others relationships.... we found swinging by ourselves before the internet days because WE wanted too..... so why try and change the guys to do something thing they don't want to do as for our friends and family they know nothing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So we are out to our close friends about being in the lifestyle. Two couples are interested in it, well the wives are, but the men are not sure.

Has anyone ever converted their vanilla friends into the lifestyle? "

I don't think that trying to "convert" anyone to anything is ever a good idea.

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By *LCC OP   Couple
over a year ago

Cambridge

I meant convert in a light-hearted, tongue in cheek way, not in a coercive way.

With our friends we just told them what we do, and they said they were interested and wanted to try it, thats all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's in the same bracket as shagging work colleagues. Very sexually exciting, seems like a great idea at the time...

You said they want to try it, I'd point them. In the direction of the nearest club and wish them well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I told the wife of a couple who are our friends and she then persuaded her husband to try some clubs. We've never been with them.

The wife was very happy and comfy in the swing scene, the hubby not so much.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess the worry for you (The swinger) and your friends (The Vanillas)is that awkward moment just after telling them..."Does this mean they want to have sex with us"?

By the way OP, remember seeing you both a VA, hope we get chance to chat there sometime (Just to be friendly).

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

No and I wouldn't want to convert anyone to anything really. If someone sees us enjoying something be it food, sex or religion and decides they want to try we would be happy to advise but convert is too strong a word for me.

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By *LCC OP   Couple
over a year ago

Cambridge


"No and I wouldn't want to convert anyone to anything really. If someone sees us enjoying something be it food, sex or religion and decides they want to try we would be happy to advise but convert is too strong a word for me."

Ok how about we all ignore the word "convert" and replace with "introduce"?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"No and I wouldn't want to convert anyone to anything really. If someone sees us enjoying something be it food, sex or religion and decides they want to try we would be happy to advise but convert is too strong a word for me.

Ok how about we all ignore the word "convert" and replace with "introduce"? "

I often read your posts with interest and I think our attitudes are similar in many respects but differ in that for us this is a private activity that we discuss between ourselves and friends we've made here and for you it's something that you are happy to share with almost everyone. I don't think either of us is wrong but I do strongly feel that if people want to swing they will come to it of their own volition.

Genuine question and I ask in a non combative way but do you feel that swinging is preferable to or better than vanilla (I use that word under protest) and lots more people should do it? I feel that some people are suited to it and some aren't and I'd never want to be responsible for influencing someone into a decision they might regret.

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By *ighorn2006Man
over a year ago

Ceredigion / N France

I think introduce is a good word or share what you do, verbally.

I worked at a well known supermarket in Andover many years ago and before I knew of this scene, I'd only been dogging up to then and there was a lovely girl who worked there, slightly alternative I think and she would often say how much she'd like to watch a couple ! I wasn't sure at the time About progressing it so that was that . . I still wonder ?

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By *LCC OP   Couple
over a year ago

Cambridge


"No and I wouldn't want to convert anyone to anything really. If someone sees us enjoying something be it food, sex or religion and decides they want to try we would be happy to advise but convert is too strong a word for me.

Ok how about we all ignore the word "convert" and replace with "introduce"?

I often read your posts with interest and I think our attitudes are similar in many respects but differ in that for us this is a private activity that we discuss between ourselves and friends we've made here and for you it's something that you are happy to share with almost everyone. I don't think either of us is wrong but I do strongly feel that if people want to swing they will come to it of their own volition.

Genuine question and I ask in a non combative way but do you feel that swinging is preferable to or better than vanilla (I use that word under protest) and lots more people should do it? I feel that some people are suited to it and some aren't and I'd never want to be responsible for influencing someone into a decision they might regret."

Things can often come across as a bit hysterical or extreme in a forum post, that would come across perhaps differently if spoken face to face during a conversation. With that in mind, here goes; I think a lot of people are monogamous by default. We certainly were, we met, fell in love, became monogamous, got married and assumed that was that. That we would be like that forever, never be attracted to anyone else. Thats how it happens in the movies and books and what we thought everyone else did.

In that respect we weren't actively choosing monogamy as a relationship. We were just folllowing what everyone else was doing (or what we thought everyone else was doing).

Know what you mean with your question, I dont think swingers are better than vanilla people no. But I would like more people to realise that there are a variety of relationship types (monogamy, poly, swinging, open etc. Etc.) and then make a positive and informed decision about which type they would like with their partner. I hope that makes sense.

So this way of viewing swinging, informs our actions in terms of telling some of our close friends. To breakdown some of the myths (that everyone is monogamous, and that swingers are real weirdos etc.) and then people can make their own decisions about if monogamy is right for them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I meant convert in a light-hearted, tongue in cheek way, not in a coercive way.

With our friends we just told them what we do, and they said they were interested and wanted to try it, thats all."

Then let them try, but not with you. Comsider the drama if it goes wrong

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"No and I wouldn't want to convert anyone to anything really. If someone sees us enjoying something be it food, sex or religion and decides they want to try we would be happy to advise but convert is too strong a word for me.

Ok how about we all ignore the word "convert" and replace with "introduce"?

I often read your posts with interest and I think our attitudes are similar in many respects but differ in that for us this is a private activity that we discuss between ourselves and friends we've made here and for you it's something that you are happy to share with almost everyone. I don't think either of us is wrong but I do strongly feel that if people want to swing they will come to it of their own volition.

Genuine question and I ask in a non combative way but do you feel that swinging is preferable to or better than vanilla (I use that word under protest) and lots more people should do it? I feel that some people are suited to it and some aren't and I'd never want to be responsible for influencing someone into a decision they might regret.

Things can often come across as a bit hysterical or extreme in a forum post, that would come across perhaps differently if spoken face to face during a conversation. With that in mind, here goes; I think a lot of people are monogamous by default. We certainly were, we met, fell in love, became monogamous, got married and assumed that was that. That we would be like that forever, never be attracted to anyone else. Thats how it happens in the movies and books and what we thought everyone else did.

In that respect we weren't actively choosing monogamy as a relationship. We were just folllowing what everyone else was doing (or what we thought everyone else was doing).

Know what you mean with your question, I dont think swingers are better than vanilla people no. But I would like more people to realise that there are a variety of relationship types (monogamy, poly, swinging, open etc. Etc.) and then make a positive and informed decision about which type they would like with their partner. I hope that makes sense.

So this way of viewing swinging, informs our actions in terms of telling some of our close friends. To breakdown some of the myths (that everyone is monogamous, and that swingers are real weirdos etc.) and then people can make their own decisions about if monogamy is right for them."

I think many people assume that monogamy is the default option for most but is it fair to assume that others haven't thought outside the monogamy box?

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey


"So we are out to our close friends about being in the lifestyle. Two couples are interested in it, well the wives are, but the men are not sure.

Has anyone ever converted their vanilla friends into the lifestyle? "

No but then we aren't open about our activities to our 'normal' friends.

If they want to try or are curious, they could do that on their own. I'd be too worried about any potential drama or fall out.

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By *LCC OP   Couple
over a year ago

Cambridge


"

I think many people assume that monogamy is the default option for most but is it fair to assume that others haven't thought outside the monogamy box? "

All we know is we monogamous by default. You will need to ask people outside of fab if they are monogamous by choice or default as everyone here is aware of non-monogamy.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"

I think many people assume that monogamy is the default option for most but is it fair to assume that others haven't thought outside the monogamy box?

All we know is we monogamous by default. You will need to ask people outside of fab if they are monogamous by choice or default as everyone here is aware of non-monogamy."

I don't think I would go down the path of assuming that other people have remained monogamous because they don't realise there are other options is what I'm saying. I agree that nearly all of us start out monogamous by default but as relationships grow and develop they're negotiated and renegotiated and I suspect that there are many more non monogamous relationships than we know about. I think that fab gives a skewed view of relationships because of its nature and in the outside world lots of people are quietly getting on with what works for them.

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By *LCC OP   Couple
over a year ago

Cambridge

I dont think that all would choose something other than non-monogamy, but I think there are quite a few that are only monogamous because they think its the only relationship style.

But the swinging community in the UK is tiny. Imagine how many more swingers there would be if everyone knew about different relationship styles, and even if 95% of couples stayed monogamous and 5% decided to try non-monogamy. That would have a Huge impact.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I dont think that all would choose something other than non-monogamy, but I think there are quite a few that are only monogamous because they think its the only relationship style.

But the swinging community in the UK is tiny. Imagine how many more swingers there would be if everyone knew about different relationship styles, and even if 95% of couples stayed monogamous and 5% decided to try non-monogamy. That would have a Huge impact. "

I don't think you give people enough credit for considering alternatives.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think many more people are becoming aware of alternatives to monogamy. Media coverage is not ideal and makes it all out to be weird and this puts a lot off.

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By *LCC OP   Couple
over a year ago

Cambridge


"

I don't think you give people enough credit for considering alternatives. "

Maybe, or maybe you give them too much credit

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"

I don't think you give people enough credit for considering alternatives.

Maybe, or maybe you give them too much credit "

The eternal dilemma. . Neither of us is right of course.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The oh before I met him was on a dating website. He was open about swinging and discussed with a few of the women he met.

He now bumps into a few of his previous dates at clubs.

Turns out the nsa lifestyle was just what they were looking for, but they hadn't considered swinging until someone talked about it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"surely the worse thing to do is mess with others relationships.... we found swinging by ourselves before the internet days because WE wanted too..... so why try and change the guys to do something thing they don't want to do as for our friends and family they know nothing"

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By *aneandpaulCouple
over a year ago

cleveleys

We never play with friends we did once it went wrong so our golden rule no friends

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