FabSwingers.com forum: Meeting one to one from a couples profile

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A question to couples and singles. I have a couples profile on here with a fwb. It states only meet as a couple. At the weekend he was away, and he asked if it was ok to meet and I said yes. So he messaged a female which I was ok with. Bearing in mind our profile does state we only meet as a couple. Anyway he messaged a single female with intent to meet which I was fine about. But what really annoyed me was at no point did the female he was arranging a meet with asked if it was ok with the female half if he could meet her. I thought it was common courtesy that the single person be it male or female should at least ask the other half of the couple if it is ok with them to meet. I know that on both my single and couples profile the male half has asked to meet me/us and I have said yes only if the female rings me to say that it is ok to meet. Maybe I'm just being silly but I thought that was how it worked. So singles and couples what's your veiws on this.

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By *d871Man
over a year ago

nowhere

If it says on a couple's profile that they only meet as a couple then I would not expect one of them to be asking to meet alone. The last person you contacted me under those circumstances was asked if the other half agreed with the idea. I was immediately blocked.

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley

In an ideal world.

P.S. Did he go then?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In short I don't think you can get too upset about it. Your view of Etiquette dictates that the lady in question should have checked with you. Her view of etiquette clearly differs. In effect you were doing something that your profile says you don't do, and then you are annoyed the third party hasn't taken issue with it.

Personally speaking, I think I would check. This is primarily down to a bad experience in the past involving a swinging couple who both had single profiles. I spoke to the female on her single profile, slept with her and then it all blew up in my face. So I do see where you are coming from.

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By *retty FolliesCouple (FF)
over a year ago

south

Why did he then message from the profile if it states only meets as a couple, seems you were ok with it, so why be bothered if she checked or not...would have thought it best to have single profiles as well for occasions like meeting as singles, then these things wont happen!!!!!

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By *epper123Woman
over a year ago

London

We both have singles profiles, which we can meet alone from and we have a couples profile, when we play together .... that would seem the easiest option. Even if meeting alone, we both mention and /or refer to the couple profile. I would not expect anyone my partner was meeting to contact me and ask permission, that is between me and him ... and that is what his single profile is for, to use as and when he chooses.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm not saying anyone has to ask permission at all. I have my singles profile he deleted his because of something that happened to him personally. I'm an not jealous or bothered in anyway shap or form that he was arranging a meet. As I said I meet as a single if I wish to. But what I'm saying is if I had messaged a couples profile looking to meet the male half I would be considerate to make sure the female half was fine about him meeting me. And vice versa. I personally wouldn't meet one half of a couple without consulting and chatting to the other half

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people don't care.

Are you more annoyed at her for not asking or at him for meeting her without making the other woman ask you first?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Some people don't care.

Are you more annoyed at her for not asking or at him for meeting her without making the other woman ask you first?"

Maybe a bit of both. But I suppose we do things our own way. Just that if a couple has messaged either of my profiles to meet me as a single or as a couple, I like to at least know the female half are ok with it. Maybe it's just me being stupid

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some people don't care.

Are you more annoyed at her for not asking or at him for meeting her without making the other woman ask you first?

Would it be up to her to ask your permission or for him to explain that you have agreed and are fine with it?

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

Manners cost nothing. Unfortunately not everyone has them...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A question to couples and singles. I have a couples profile on here with a fwb. It states only meet as a couple. At the weekend he was away, and he asked if it was ok to meet and I said yes. So he messaged a female which I was ok with. Bearing in mind our profile does state we only meet as a couple. Anyway he messaged a single female with intent to meet which I was fine about. But what really annoyed me was at no point did the female he was arranging a meet with asked if it was ok with the female half if he could meet her. I thought it was common courtesy that the single person be it male or female should at least ask the other half of the couple if it is ok with them to meet. I know that on both my single and couples profile the male half has asked to meet me/us and I have said yes only if the female rings me to say that it is ok to meet. Maybe I'm just being silly but I thought that was how it worked. So singles and couples what's your veiws on this. "

I am very strongly in the mind that in no matter what context a couple is a couple that you should always ask the other part of the couple out of good manners. It's actually the thing that has caused us the most rows. It annoys the hell out of me .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just from our personal opinions :-

Honesty is what is important to us, I think it's fair to say that we are mainly interested in meeting as a couple but wouldn't necessarily rule out single meets.

We would both expect anyone that wanted to meet one of us to speak to both of us and confirm it is ok. It's what we'd do the other way around just to confirm that the other half is ok and it isn't hidden and going to cause any future issues.

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By *rbusyhandsMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Perhaps she assumed that as its a couples profile that you knew by default. She probably just trusted him that you were aware of things.

Also just because it says you only meet as a couple on your profile, it maybe that she skip read the profile and forgot it.

I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that the person is bad straight away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Perhaps she assumed that as its a couples profile that you knew by default. She probably just trusted him that you were aware of things.

Also just because it says you only meet as a couple on your profile, it maybe that she skip read the profile and forgot it.

I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that the person is bad straight away."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some people don't care.

Are you more annoyed at her for not asking or at him for meeting her without making the other woman ask you first?

No you're not being stupid. You do things your way.

Next time if they don't ask, maybe your guy could offer your details so they can call you. Just be aware some might not want to call you. Then it's up to you both if that meet continues.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lol I guess he met her

Yeah why have different profiles? Does this mean your hubby got a single profile as well? It is easier if you just play from your couples profile tho. Less confusion for most.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

If I was to meet half of a couple I wouldn't chat to the female

I don't have an arrangement with her,he does so it's up to him to sort out rules and regs between the 2 of them if they're going to play separately,not me

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

I should add that the reason I don't want to ever play with one half of a couple is the unintentional agro it can cause when one half gets pissed off that they've been offended by something the other one has done or that the person they met has done

It's too much hassle

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

I have a couples account with the BF and we both have solo accounts as well. No-one has ever contacted me to ask if it's OK to meet him. We're both grownups who make our own decisions and I've always assumed that that's the case with the people I've met on my own as well, none of whom have contacted him to ask. It's a swingers' site; if people arrange to meet alone then I've always taken them at their word.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I was to meet half of a couple I wouldn't chat to the female

I don't have an arrangement with her,he does so it's up to him to sort out rules and regs between the 2 of them if they're going to play separately,not me

but one of their rules maybe that they get the other parties to speak to the partner that wont be there

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

"If I was to meet half of a couple I wouldn't chat to the female

I don't have an arrangement with her,he does so it's up to him to sort out rules and regs between the 2 of them if they're going to play separately,not me

but one of their rules maybe that they get the other parties to speak to the partner that wont be there"

How would you know that was one of their rules unless they told you? The onus is still on them, surely?

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"If I was to meet half of a couple I wouldn't chat to the female

I don't have an arrangement with her,he does so it's up to him to sort out rules and regs between the 2 of them if they're going to play separately,not me

but one of their rules maybe that they get the other parties to speak to the partner that wont be there"

That's still not my rule though and not something I would do,so there would be no meet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See even though I have no interest in meeting alone. If we have been approached as a couple by one half I will always ask to confirm it with the other half.

Even if Mr had a totally separate profile I would expect a woman to at least speak with me. After all its my man she is wanting to spend some time with. So a little good manners wouldnt go amiss.

But It shows we are all different as the advice on every thread where a guy says he is meeting separately and finding it hard.. Everyone says.. Make sure the ms can verify.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Since he messaged her...I wouldn't consider it her responsibility to check with you.

Personally I would ask him the question anyway but that's just me

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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago

Wakefield

Two things it depends on exactly how your profile was worded and secondly have you considered the meet might not have thoufght of reading your profile.

Not everyone does.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not saying anyone has to ask permission at all. I have my singles profile he deleted his because of something that happened to him personally. I'm an not jealous or bothered in anyway shap or form that he was arranging a meet. As I said I meet as a single if I wish to. But what I'm saying is if I had messaged a couples profile looking to meet the male half I would be considerate to make sure the female half was fine about him meeting me. And vice versa. I personally wouldn't meet one half of a couple without consulting and chatting to the other half "

You're holding someone up to your own standards of behaviour and not saying that yours are better, but hers are clearly different.

I assume that as it was arranged from your couples profile, you will have had full access to any message exchange between them anyway, so could've interjected yourself if you felt so strongly about ensuring openness...perhaps she assumed that you'd see it all anyway and would have done that if you weren't happy...

always bearing in mind that he could also have offered the information that you are happy to be contacted to express your approval...

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By *retty FolliesCouple (FF)
over a year ago

south

You're holding someone up to your own standards of behaviour and not saying that yours are better, but hers are clearly different.

always bearing in mind that he could also have offered the information that you are happy to be contacted to express your approval..."

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By *layfull pairingCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

We both have our own couples profile on here, one i chat on and the other that joanna chats on...we both meet alone and obviously as a couple.. But always with each others knowledge and approval.. and if one of us meets alone, the other usually does message whoever we are meeting to show its all above board and are both willing to talk properly on the phone too... this also makes us both feel involved in any meets ...and puts peoples minds at rest.

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