FabSwingers.com forum: Self righteous couples

By *eneral Hysteria OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Don't know. Why are they?

If you're complaining about people having an opinion that doesn't agree with yours and calling them self righteous because of it I don't think it's fair. If you're saying that they see themselves as the benchmark of what's right and proper in a relationship and criticise anyone who doesn't live their way then you might have a point.

On the whole though people who crow about being married, criticise their unaware partner and generally feel publicly sorry for themselves do make me feel quite cross.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't know. Why are they?

On the whole though people who crow about being married, criticise their unaware partner and generally feel publicly sorry for themselves do make me feel quite cross. "

That's about summed it up for us too. Great post

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't know. Why are they?

On the whole though people who crow about being married, criticise their unaware partner and generally feel publicly sorry for themselves do make me feel quite cross. "

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By *eneral Hysteria OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

It's the question you allude to.

It's not the complaint.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

because some are up their own arse.

same as singles....

like me

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"It's the question you allude to.

It's not the complaint.

I'm feeling quite daft, I don't understand what you mean

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"because some are up their own arse.

same as singles....

like me

Blimey View that's a talent

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?"

Are they being self righteous or are they just choosing not to meet you?

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By *eneral Hysteria OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

I can't say I've seen too many complain about their unaware partner and tere are plenty of whingers, yes.

Still, that doesn't answer the original question.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"because some are up their own arse.

same as singles....

like me

Blimey View that's a talent

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think cos they might got cheated on themselves lol.

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By *eneral Hysteria OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"....

Are they being self righteous or are they just choosing not to meet you?"

I'm not asking to meet them.

I notice the attacks they give on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?"

newsflash: It;s not just couples

I don't think you can call someone self-righteous just because they don;t condone your infidelity

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/08/15 18:12:47]

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By *ot40sCouple
over a year ago

birmingham

[Removed by poster at 07/08/15 18:12:30]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can't say I've seen too many complain about their unaware partner and tere are plenty of whingers, yes.

Still, that doesn't answer the original question."

You don't give enough context to the original question to really answer...are they berating you uninvited because you choose to cheat? Answering your approach in a self righteous manner when turning you down? Just choosing not to meet you because of your marital status? Just turning you down and you're assuming it's because of your marital status and therefore concluding they are self righteous? Or none of the above?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"....

Are they being self righteous or are they just choosing not to meet you?

I'm not asking to meet them.

I notice the attacks they give on here."

Well then why not just ignore that and just get on with what you're happy doing? Live and let live works both ways...

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By *eneral Hysteria OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"It's the question you allude to.

It's not the complaint.

I'm feeling quite daft, I don't understand what you mean

It was this part of the reply I was referring to....

if you're saying that they see themselves as the benchmark of what's right and proper in a relationship and criticise anyone who doesn't live their way then you might have a point.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?"

The irony of thinking your free will should over-ride the free will of others!

People make choices that may not suit you, live with it!x

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By *eneral Hysteria OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

It's interesting that most of you feel I'm offended or somehow feel they should condone what I do.

To clarify, neither am I, nor do I.

I just see it time and again (never has it been directed at me) and wondered why they do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We don't meet married people when they are swinging on a singles account it's just our preference! wewther you accept it being or choice is not our problem, we will always turn the person down for this reason I wouldent say we get self righteous about it what you do is your choice so swing away

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By *eneral Hysteria OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"We don't meet married people when they are swinging on a singles account it's just our preference! wewther you accept it being or choice is not our problem, we will always turn the person down for this reason I wouldent say we get self righteous about it what you do is your choice so swing away

And that's great.

You're not one (two) of them.

I applauded you and you honest

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By *he devil wears pradaWoman
over a year ago

gosport ish

"It's interesting that most of you feel I'm offended or somehow feel they should condone what I do.

To clarify, neither am I, nor do I.

I just see it time and again (never has it been directed at me) and wondered why they do."
Because they can

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's interesting that most of you feel I'm offended or somehow feel they should condone what I do.

To clarify, neither am I, nor do I.

I just see it time and again (never has it been directed at me) and wondered why they do."

I think most people assume that when someone starts a thread complaining about someone else's perfectly acceptable behaviuour the usual underlying cause is because it reflects on them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And that's great.

You're not one (two) of them.

I applauded you and you honest"

Thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"....

Are they being self righteous or are they just choosing not to meet you?

I'm not asking to meet them.

I notice the attacks they give on here."

speaking of attacks, I think situations like this is why some people, including us aren't interested in playing with people whose partners aren't aware. Aside from any questions about personal morals..(each to their own as far as we're concerned) there was a post on here where a couple were playing with a married woman, The woman's husband followed her to their home and there was a physical assault, where the male of the couple needed to be taken to hospital, luckily he was ok. But who really needs that? Easier to avoid that potential type of situation in my opinion.

So for us its a no thanks.. not self righteous or morally based, just a can of potential worms we'd rather leave alone.

Although, can you always say that any person claiming to be single really is? so there's always some risk involved, but by not meeting those your aware of.. it at least minimises it.

Jason

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By *eneral Hysteria OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"It's interesting that most of you feel I'm offended or somehow feel they should condone what I do.

To clarify, neither am I, nor do I.

I just see it time and again (never has it been directed at me) and wondered why they do.

I think most people assume that when someone starts a thread complaining about someone else's perfectly acceptable behaviuour the usual underlying cause is because it reflects on them.

Hmmm perhaps.

Not this time BM.

And like I say, it's a question, not a complaint.

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By *reyjaWoman
over a year ago

no idea!! bloody satnav!!

Personally I don't mind what a persons relationship status is, I don't make it my business,it's up to them,if they can deal with it that's fine.

It makes no odds whether I'm on this profile (single) or my couples profile!

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By *eneral Hysteria OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"....just a can of potential worms we'd rather leave alone.

Although, can you always say that any person claiming to be single really is? so there's always some risk involved, but by not meeting those your aware of.. it at least minimises it.

Jason

Nicely risk-assessed Jason.

But I see from your reply you too are not one of the self righteous.

You merely make a choice.

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?"

Those couples are finding that extra fun they need together,they have my absolute and utter respect! That's all I wanted to say really...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?"

Jealousy?

Fear it might happen to them?

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By *eneral Hysteria OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?

Those couples are finding that extra fun they need together,they have my absolute and utter respect! That's all I wanted to say really..."

They're lucky buggers for sure

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I can't say I've seen too many complain about their unaware partner and tere are plenty of whingers, yes.

Still, that doesn't answer the original question."

Oh, I thought I sort of answered it in my second paragraph.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Don't know. Why are they?

On the whole though people who crow about being married, criticise their unaware partner and generally feel publicly sorry for themselves do make me feel quite cross. "

This!

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley

"It's interesting that most of you feel I'm offended or somehow feel they should condone what I do.

To clarify, neither am I, nor do I.

I just see it time and again (never has it been directed at me) and wondered why they do."

I should imagine most are thinking why doesn't he man up and live on his own so he can be free to play without the potential of hurting others?

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

Everyone is different and have different _iew about things, couples even disagree about things. I (mr) see swinging as ethical non-monogamy, where everyone knows what is happening and everyone is consenting. If someone is playing without their partner's consent then it doesn't fit into my definition of swinging. But there are plenty of definitions of swinging on here, so who's to say which is right?

My wife isnt bothered either way, but we mainly play with other couples, so the situation doesnt really come up.

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By *tellablackWoman
over a year ago

louth (near Grimsby)

l have on my profile that im not looking for married guys or in a relationship ..

the reason being as l met 2 diff "single" guys.. only to get nasty phone calls from there wives..

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?"

Have you asked them?

They will know the answer

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By *etzPlayCouple
over a year ago

Southend

We're not fussed if people choose to cheat, that's their choice. We just don't want their partner finding out and turning up on our door step xx

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?

Have you asked them?

They will know the answer

He is waiting for someone to come over and say "Hi, we're a self righteous couple, how can we help?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What others do is upto them its not my place to judge

I do tend to avoid married guys though simply because they tend to be just after quickies and I like quality meets with guys who have the time to put into them not guys who are constantly clock watching

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?"

maybe for them it is an honesty and trust issue.... they trust and are honest enough to be complicit with each other and don't want to share that with someone who isn't....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?

Have you asked them?

They will know the answer

He is waiting for someone to come over and say "Hi, we're a self righteous couple, how can we help?""

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/08/15 20:07:22]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

maybe for them it is an honesty and trust issue.... they trust and are honest enough to be complicit with each other and don't want to share that with someone who isn't...."

Well said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?"

Because we don't want to be respondents in their divorce proceedings when they get caught...

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By *etzPlayCouple
over a year ago

Southend

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?

Because we don't want to be respondents in their divorce proceedings when they get caught..."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?

Because we don't want to be respondents in their divorce proceedings when they get caught..."

That happens very rarely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?"

I have no problem with being called self righteous to be honest.

We wont play with someone who is cheating on their partner. Just because we are swingers doesn't actually mean we have no morals.

If that makes us self righteous then...

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By *ngieandMrManCouple
over a year ago

hereford

When I was a kid I 'sold' a pair of bicycle handlebars to a so-called friend. Foolishly I let him take them on "I'll pay you next week", he never gave me the money and 'cheated' me out of 50p, he was no longer my friend after that.

My ex-wife told me she was going to a certain place and in practice went somewhere else to have sex with another guy. She tried to cheat me and now she is an EX-wife.

Just the other day I bought a new car. The salesman tried to 'cheat' me out of the cost of the road tax. He failed to cheat me but I will never do business with them again.

Point is, I (we) don't like cheats, be it that they try and cheat us or we know they are cheats by way of how they choose to cheat someone else.

If that means we are self-righteous then we would wear that label with pride and with the confidence of knowing that we do not try and cheat anyone else in any respect.

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By *lipperyWhenWet!Couple
over a year ago

Rochester

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?

I have no problem with being called self righteous to be honest.

We wont play with someone who is cheating on their partner. Just because we are swingers doesn't actually mean we have no morals.

If that makes us self righteous then..."

We really need a 'Like' on this forum!

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By *lipperyWhenWet!Couple
over a year ago

Rochester

"When I was a kid I 'sold' a pair of bicycle handlebars to a so-called friend. Foolishly I let him take them on "I'll pay you next week", he never gave me the money and 'cheated' me out of 50p, he was no longer my friend after that.

My ex-wife told me she was going to a certain place and in practice went somewhere else to have sex with another guy. She tried to cheat me and now she is an EX-wife.

Just the other day I bought a new car. The salesman tried to 'cheat' me out of the cost of the road tax. He failed to cheat me but I will never do business with them again.

Point is, I (we) don't like cheats, be it that they try and cheat us or we know they are cheats by way of how they choose to cheat someone else.

If that means we are self-righteous then we would wear that label with pride and with the confidence of knowing that we do not try and cheat anyone else in any respect."

I like this answer too!

I find that anyone exhibiting any dishonesty is immediately less attractive as I lose the feeling of comfort around them.

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?"

Because mainstream society looks down upon them and they don't want to be considered the lowest of the low; that is where you come in

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By *hat the hellCouple
over a year ago

Down South

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?

maybe for them it is an honesty and trust issue.... they trust and are honest enough to be complicit with each other and don't want to share that with someone who isn't...."

Totally agree x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm single and i don't like it that people cheat on others. I always keep my mouth shut if someone asks for advice on their relationship and is cheating coz i think it's good they're looking to make their relationship better and if i can help i will.

If anyone asks for advice on how to cheat better i ignore that but i'd still think nasty thoughts about the cheater, just the way some people are. I won't air how i feel to someone for the sake of it, we don't know how shit your relationship is or why you're cheating and it's nothing to do with us anyway.

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By *epper123Woman
over a year ago

London

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?

Because mainstream society looks down upon them and they don't want to be considered the lowest of the low; that is where you come in

Well said, knew the voice of reason would come from you - spot on - as for mainstream society, swinging in not only cheating, but rubbing it in your partner's face - many mainstream couples would surely think, why be together if you are both playing with other people, even if the other one knows - despite what many believe, there are marriages that stay together without cheating, and some that are kept together because one of the partners has an outlet elsewhere

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What others do is upto them its not my place to judge

That's not been my experience with any man I have met regardless if they are married or not, never had anyone cock watching or wanting a quickie.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We started out as self-righteous, but, after much soul-searching, we saw the error of our ways and became sanctimonious instead.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ive had a few messages now from married men who can totally promise me there wife knows all about them being on here and it's ok...

And that is the problem. It's not ok. I get that somewhere, a guy may be allowed to play with the wife not being involved or minding. But the fact of the matter is 99 times out of 100, it's just not true, and the guy will back out, or twist the rules, or do anything other than prove themselves.

It does happen. There are people out there. We have a few friends who swing without their partners. But their partners are always involves, and that rests our minds.

It all boils down to one simple question... So we really want to be involved in any sort of risk, of breaking a marriage apart? The answer is clearly no... And we will stand by that, even if it means saying no every so often.

C x

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By *eneral Hysteria OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?

Have you asked them?

They will know the answer

I'm asking now

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By *eneral Hysteria OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"It's interesting that most of you feel I'm offended or somehow feel they should condone what I do.

To clarify, neither am I, nor do I.

I just see it time and again (never has it been directed at me) and wondered why they do.

I should imagine most are thinking why doesn't he man up and live on his own so he can be free to play without the potential of hurting others?

You have a good imagination

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By *eneral Hysteria OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"... If that means we are self-righteous then we would wear that label with pride and with the confidence of knowing that we do not try and cheat anyone else in any respect."

It took a while but finally some interesting and honest answers came from a few of you.

Experiment well and truly succeeded.

The self righteous (totally agree/voice of reason/sanctimonious lick-ass, clique comments etc.) took a long time to reveal themselves.

Some hid behind others and some people were honest enough to be up front about whether they meet married guys or not, including one classy lady who, I believe, was probably the most honest.

Do remember this was not about ME.

This was about you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"... If that means we are self-righteous then we would wear that label with pride and with the confidence of knowing that we do not try and cheat anyone else in any respect.

It took a while but finally some interesting and honest answers came from a few of you.

Experiment well and truly succeeded.

The self righteous (totally agree/voice of reason/sanctimonious lick-ass, clique comments etc.) took a long time to reveal themselves.

Some hid behind others and some people were honest enough to be up front about whether they meet married guys or not, including one classy lady who, I believe, was probably the most honest.

Do remember this was not about ME.

This was about you.

You might be taking this a tad too seriously. It's just a tedious thread on a forum few people read. Try smiling

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By *at69driveMan
over a year ago

Hertford

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?"
. Everyone is entitled to express an opinion and have their own ideas of what is right and wrong . The world would be a boring place if we all had the same opinions .

I see some couples where the lady can meet other men but will not allow her man to meet other women.. Their lives and their decision.

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By *hattyman80Man
over a year ago

stockport

People swinging without their partners aren't swinging they are just cheating. However in my opinion that's up to that individual. I neither condone it or condemn it.

That person has to live with the guilt and the consequences when they get caught. But we should remember no-one knows what someone's relationship status is unless the day so you might think you've met single guys or girls but in reality they're married so who knows if people are meeting married or single people most of the time lol

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By *at69driveMan
over a year ago

Hertford

My ex-wife told me she was going to a certain place and in practice went somewhere else to have sex with another guy. She tried to cheat me and now she is an EX-wife.

Just the other day I bought a new car. The salesman tried to 'cheat' me out of the cost of the road tax. He failed to cheat me but I will never do business with them again.

Point is, I (we) don't like cheats, be it that they try and cheat us or we know they are cheats by way of how they choose to cheat someone else.

If that means we are self-righteous then we would wear that label with pride and with the confidence of knowing that we do not try and cheat anyone else in any respect."
. Nice post and excellent points . I can see nothing wrong in being self - righteous .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?

Because mainstream society looks down upon them and they don't want to be considered the lowest of the low; that is where you come in

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By *ombshellWoman
over a year ago

islington

i've never understood why some couples state on profiles men must be single!

no partners or gf!

whats it to do with them ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People cheat

Some people want to play with attached people.

Some people wont play with attached people.

Some people have opinions on everything.

Some people could care less.

Everyone is different.

Live and let live

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By *cotbbtopMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

"People cheat

Some people want to play with attached people.

Some people wont play with attached people.

Some people have opinions on everything.

Some people could care less.

Everyone is different.

Live and let live"

I agree, but it still doesn't stop the obnoxious from passing comment on what others do

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

My ex-wife told me she was going to a certain place and in practice went somewhere else to have sex with another guy. She tried to cheat me and now she is an EX-wife.

Just the other day I bought a new car. The salesman tried to 'cheat' me out of the cost of the road tax. He failed to cheat me but I will never do business with them again.

Point is, I (we) don't like cheats, be it that they try and cheat us or we know they are cheats by way of how they choose to cheat someone else.

If that means we are self-righteous then we would wear that label with pride and with the confidence of knowing that we do not try and cheat anyone else in any respect.. Nice post and excellent points . I can see nothing wrong in being self - righteous ."

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"i've never understood why some couples state on profiles men must be single!

no partners or gf!

whats it to do with them ?

It's got nothing to do with them (we state it by the way) just like it's got nothing to do with you why they state it. It's our choice just like it's theirs, we don't ask them to explain and in our turn we don't explain either. In short you don't need to understand other people's criteria for meeting.

Mind you I admit I struggle to understand why anyone thinks we should meet men who are attached and I fail to understand even more why it bothers anyone that we don't.

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

"i've never understood why some couples state on profiles men must be single!

no partners or gf!

whats it to do with them ?

Possibly because they don't want to take part in someone else's deceit? Or they might think, if someone is happy lying to their partner, perhaps they would also lie to us about STI status etc. Or perhaps it doesn't fit with their _iew or swinging. Or perhaps because there are so many genuinely single guys on the site, why not play with them instead. Or perhaps they have been cheated on before, or even been the cheater and know the devastation that it can cause. Or as someone mentioned above they dont want to be mentioned in divorce proceedings.

These are just a few possible reasons, but everyone has their preferences and the right to chose who they want to play with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Simple...they have the moral highground and can freely use it...you see they are in a relationship that actively seeks to fuck other people but because they are both aware.. its not cheating...your personal situation or problems will never be accounted for because they see you as the opposite of what they are..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?"

They do live and let live, they just choose not to meet those cheating on their wives as you are. Maybe consider looking for those who don't mind. And as you say, live and let live

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

These threads are always difficult because there are some couples who really do behave as if they have reached nirvana. The thing is that the couples who respond to that type of thread are a fraction of those who belong to the site and of that fraction only a small proportion take the high ground. Unfortunately it seems that the minority opinion on fab is the one that lots of people will home in on and I'm not really sure why.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"These threads are always difficult because there are some couples who really do behave as if they have reached nirvana. The thing is that the couples who respond to that type of thread are a fraction of those who belong to the site and of that fraction only a small proportion take the high ground. Unfortunately it seems that the minority opinion on fab is the one that lots of people will home in on and I'm not really sure why."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Firtly, we have only met couples and like minded people with similar outlooks as ourselves, attraction isn't only about looks or who's available. So when we come across people "posing" as couples (men with a prostitute, or cheater with their lover), we can't trust that person as they have already lied to us. We already have what we need from each other, why not look to play with those who we want to play with, instead of being polite and giving some sort of sharity fucking so people's feelings aren't hurt???

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?"

Why do married men, (yes, usually men. Women just get on with it without going on and on about how unfair it is that people don't agree with infidelity), so frequently seek to justify cheating and try to pressure people into accepting it?

Personally I don't want to be involved in possibly hurting a completely unaware, innocent party.

I don't give a shit what cheaters do as long as they don't try to involve me in it.

If you're going to cheat, shut up and get on with it but realise that a lot of people won't agree with you and won't want to meet you. They are as entitled to their opinion as you are.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Why can't cheats live and let live by accepting some people object to infidelity and by not constantly harping on about how unfair it is that anyone judges them?

Apparently it's ok for cheats to judge others as self-righteous and goodness knows what else.

My profile says I don't want to meet cheats but plenty choose not to respect that and contact me anyway, so why should I respect their choices? They don't respect mine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?

Personally I don't want to be involved in possibly hurting a completely unaware, innocent party.

I don't give a shit what cheaters do as long as they don't try to involve me in it.

If you're going to cheat, shut up and get on with it but realise that a lot of people won't agree with you and won't want to meet you. They are as entitled to their opinion as you are."

Couldn't have put it better

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

So true; the moment a married man starts a thread, whether it is on the subject of improving his profile, meeting more people, whatever, they just have to dive in and proclaim to the world their undying love for each other

Mainstream society does not see them as 'good' people; they see them as freaks and untouchables; same as they try to portray a married man

Having said that, I do not have sex with married men but that is not because I make a moral judgement against them; I have other reasons which have nothing to do with such farcical morality

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By *akedwife12Couple
over a year ago

Midlands

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?

Personally I don't want to be involved in possibly hurting a completely unaware, innocent party.

I don't give a shit what cheaters do as long as they don't try to involve me in it.

If you're going to cheat, shut up and get on with it but realise that a lot of people won't agree with you and won't want to meet you. They are as entitled to their opinion as you are."

Very true.

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By *akedwife12Couple
over a year ago

Midlands

My ex-wife told me she was going to a certain place and in practice went somewhere else to have sex with another guy. She tried to cheat me and now she is an EX-wife.

Just the other day I bought a new car. The salesman tried to 'cheat' me out of the cost of the road tax. He failed to cheat me but I will never do business with them again.

Point is, I (we) don't like cheats, be it that they try and cheat us or we know they are cheats by way of how they choose to cheat someone else.

If that means we are self-righteous then we would wear that label with pride and with the confidence of knowing that we do not try and cheat anyone else in any respect."

Very well put in our humble opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mainstream society does not see them as 'good' people; they see them as freaks and untouchables; same as they try to portray a married man

Having said that, I do not have sex with married men but that is not because I make a moral judgement against them; I have other reasons which have nothing to do with such farcical morality"

So true. And I wonder how a lot of the people in a couple who like to have sex with other people but slate cheaters would react if suddenly their other halves did not want to swing any more? Most will say that would be the end of it and they wouldnt cheat. But can they truly know that for sure?

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"i've never understood why some couples state on profiles men must be single!

no partners or gf!

whats it to do with them ?

They don't want to meet attached men. I don't either, for numerous reasons that I don't have to justify to anyone.

It becomes something to do with them the minute they are potentially involved in a meet with someone attached. It takes at least two to make a meet and all involved parties get a say in it.

What's it to do with anyone else who I do or don't want to meet, what I'm looking for or what my criteria are?

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"It's interesting that most of you feel I'm offended or somehow feel they should condone what I do.

To clarify, neither am I, nor do I.

I just see it time and again (never has it been directed at me) and wondered why they do.

I think most people assume that when someone starts a thread complaining about someone else's perfectly acceptable behaviuour the usual underlying cause is because it reflects on them.

Hmmm perhaps.

Not this time BM.

And like I say, it's a question, not a complaint."

It would be a question without the accusations of self-righteousness and all. The judgemental, accusatory tone made it a moan as much as a question.

If you'd phrased it as a question, without the judgemental attitude you're moaning about, you may be getting different responses.

As it is, you come across to me no better than the couples you mention appear to you.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Mainstream society does not see them as 'good' people; they see them as freaks and untouchables; same as they try to portray a married man

Having said that, I do not have sex with married men but that is not because I make a moral judgement against them; I have other reasons which have nothing to do with such farcical morality

It doesn't matter. You can't reasonably judge others, or expect others to act, based on how they might behave in the future, if a scenario that may never happen arises.

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By *estinysswingersCouple
over a year ago

Worsley

What's it to do with anyone else who I do or don't want to meet, what I'm looking for or what my criteria are?"

Absolutely this. Who we meet or don't meet and for what reasons is out business.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mainstream society does not see them as 'good' people; they see them as freaks and untouchables; same as they try to portray a married man

Having said that, I do not have sex with married men but that is not because I make a moral judgement against them; I have other reasons which have nothing to do with such farcical morality

It doesn't matter. You can't reasonably judge others, or expect others to act, based on how they might behave in the future, if a scenario that may never happen arises."

I wasn't judging or expecting, I was wondering

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because swinging is about being open and honest with each other and this is a swingers site! Not I'm a cheating site

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By *akedwife12Couple
over a year ago

Midlands

"Because swinging is about being open and honest with each other and this is a swingers site! Not I'm a cheating site

Fair point.

Not looked, but we think there are sites specifically for married and cheating people we think.

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

"Because swinging is about being open and honest with each other and this is a swingers site! Not I'm a cheating site

I was waiting for the, "this is a swingers site, not a cheating site". Gosh, it took long this time

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Because swinging is about being open and honest with each other and this is a swingers site! Not I'm a cheating site

I was waiting for the, "this is a swingers site, not a cheating site". Gosh, it took long this time"

I think it's increasingly a " people should behave a certain way or be thoroughly castigated" site myself.

I feel sometimes that for supposedly open minded people we as a group are incredibly intolerant and closed minded. It's sad in a way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Because swinging is about being open and honest with each other and this is a swingers site! Not I'm a cheating site

I was waiting for the, "this is a swingers site, not a cheating site". Gosh, it took long this time

I think it's increasingly a " people should behave a certain way or be thoroughly castigated" site myself.

I feel sometimes that for supposedly open minded people we as a group are incredibly intolerant and closed minded. It's sad in a way."

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Because swinging is about being open and honest with each other and this is a swingers site! Not I'm a cheating site

I was waiting for the, "this is a swingers site, not a cheating site". Gosh, it took long this time

I think it's increasingly a " people should behave a certain way or be thoroughly castigated" site myself.

I feel sometimes that for supposedly open minded people we as a group are incredibly intolerant and closed minded. It's sad in a way."

This is true. Some cheats do bring it on themselves when they start threads trying to justify what they do and convince people they're wrong to object.

If they just got on with it I think there would be a lot less criticism.

Women who cheat tend to get less grief, partly because of this, I believe. (That and more men are willing to overlook it and various other reasons).

Swinging and cheating are two different things, but people use this site for a variety of things. There's something here for everyone.

Those trying to justify it or blaming their partner annoy me. Otherwise, if they leave me out of it, they can do as they like for all I care.

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By *ussexsocialMan
over a year ago

Billingshurst

When we first started swinging , we had a regular guy round for naughty fun, after awhile it kinda dwindled off , a year later his partner ( someone we never knew existed) contacted us and threatened to post our profile all over Facebook and contact our jobs with the info etc, ( she had got into his fab account, gmail account and phone , the silly guy had never deleted anything so she found our Facebook through face pics) this is why we don't meet married guys and no other reason

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By *eadonistCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Ashton under Lyne

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?"

Depends, are you swinging with or without your partners knowledge?

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By *oo hotCouple
over a year ago

North West

Person is unable / unwilling to convince other half to partake in Swinging and is unable to accept that for the arrangement to work, both parties must be up for it, be able to talk about it and trust each other. Person decides to cheat on other half and creates a single person profile to get the excitement they crave. By creating this false profile they tend to get found out by genuine people and then get frustrated at their lack of success and blame others (as well as their other half).

This person will singularly fail to recognise and accept that their inability to communicate and their dishonesty is at the heart of all their failures.

As it happens, this is the case in all walks of life, not just swinging. Open and honest people tend to have happy and successful lives and I use the word success in its broadest sense.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Because swinging is about being open and honest with each other and this is a swingers site! Not I'm a cheating site

I was waiting for the, "this is a swingers site, not a cheating site". Gosh, it took long this time

I think it's increasingly a " people should behave a certain way or be thoroughly castigated" site myself.

I feel sometimes that for supposedly open minded people we as a group are incredibly intolerant and closed minded. It's sad in a way."

As portrayed by the people that frequent the forums, or so it seems in a public domain anyway......

I was wondering when the immortal line was going to uttered too, am still waiting for 'it's also a sex site' to be quoted.

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By *arnayguyMan
over a year ago

Durham Tees

Maybe they do live and let live. They just choose not to meet them. They are just part of a group, with singles, who may not like betrayal and lies and particularly do not want to play an active part in it. There is nothing wrong in making it clear if you don't want to be a part of someone's cheating.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

tik tok tik tok... meet or not meet upto you

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By *epper123Woman
over a year ago

London

Oh goodness now I am sad that I missed the thread, but have to endorse the _iew that swinging is not cheating ... for mainstream society it is and anyone who says it is not is trying to convince themselves more than anyone else -- cheating is dictionary defined as being sexually unfaithful, whether your partner knows or not, so, for me there is no difference between those doing it with their partner's knowledge or without, apart from the moral high ground some of these people inhabit.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Oh goodness now I am sad that I missed the thread, but have to endorse the _iew that swinging is not cheating ... for mainstream society it is and anyone who says it is not is trying to convince themselves more than anyone else -- cheating is dictionary defined as being sexually unfaithful, whether your partner knows or not, so, for me there is no difference between those doing it with their partner's knowledge or without, apart from the moral high ground some of these people inhabit. "

cheating isn't dictionary defined as being sexually unfaithful unless you're using the urban dictionary, it puts a whole new meaning on cheating at cards though

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

First dictionary that I found on came up on Google defined it as that ... not an urban dictionary. As dictionaries do, they gave multiple definitions, but the one referring to marital cheating had no mention of partner's knowledge or not, I think it comes from that old saying 'to forsake all others' Pepper (from my couple profile)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"First dictionary that I found on came up on Google defined it as that ... not an urban dictionary. As dictionaries do, they gave multiple definitions, but the one referring to marital cheating had no mention of partner's knowledge or not, I think it comes from that old saying 'to forsake all others' Pepper (from my couple profile)"

ok, we will have to agree to disagree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He can show this statement to his wife when she finds out he has been cheating on her

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

Cheating is cresting, by the wording of those marriage vows, isn't it? Or am I misunderstanding them?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Cheating is cresting, by the wording of those marriage vows, isn't it? Or am I misunderstanding them?"

we married in a register office so it doesn't apply.

I interpret cheating to mean doing something behind someone else's back. If you mean cheating on your marriage vows then yes, we all cheat if we made those vows

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

That may be the case for you, (though I have my doubts), but I think most people on the receiving end of deceit would disagree with you.

It's blatantly obvious that there's a world of difference between doing something with the knowledge and consent of the other party/parties involved and doing it behind their back.

One has only to imagine how finding out a partner one believed to be faithful had had sex with someone else would feel, and compare that with imagining how differently it would feel having known about it and agreed beforehand. Deceit hurts. One is a betrayal of trust and one isn't. They're totally different.

Knowledge and consent make a significant difference in all sorts of cases.

If someone, even a partner, borrows your car without permission, it's taking without consent.

If someone takes money from you without your knowledge and consent, it's theft.

If someone enters your property without your permission, it's trespass, or breaking and entering.

An attached person having sex with someone else with the knowledge and agreement of their partner is absolutely different to doing it deceitfully.

Logically it's difficult to see how the term cheating could be applied to the person doing it with their partner's agreement. Who are they cheating?

The definition of cheating is to defraud or swindle. It's based around deceit. With no deceit, it can't be cheating.

Even having seen it numerous times, I remain astounded that anyone can claim otherwise. It's like trying to argue borrowing and theft are the same.

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

I am quoting a dictionary definition. For those sticklers amongst you all. I do find it strange that any swingers justify their actions by saying it is not cheating - it is! And for your, and anyone else's information, when I was married, my husband cheated on me, without my knowledge, although I suspected him - and despite having two young children, went my way - so I have experienced it, the deceit and all of that - and for anyone who pipes up and says, well you should no better, well, add another twenty years to your life and live my experience - I have become less judgemental with age, not more ... but I am honest about what I do with the people I love, so no deceit here

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I am quoting a dictionary definition. For those sticklers amongst you all. I do find it strange that any swingers justify their actions by saying it is not cheating - it is! And for your, and anyone else's information, when I was married, my husband cheated on me, without my knowledge, although I suspected him - and despite having two young children, went my way - so I have experienced it, the deceit and all of that - and for anyone who pipes up and says, well you should no better, well, add another twenty years to your life and live my experience - I have become less judgemental with age, not more ... but I am honest about what I do with the people I love, so no deceit here "

this swinger never justifies her actions to anybody.

Incidentally do you have a link to your dictionary definition, I'd be interested in that interpretation, I enjoy word and their meanings?

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Marriage vows are effectively a contract between 2 people. Contracts can be altered and amended with the consent of all involved parties.

Married people agreeing to have sex with other people are amending the contract. If they later decide to stop, they are amending the contract again.

One partner breaking the vows without the agreement of the other is breaching, not amending the contract.

Marriage vows are a promise to each other. If they couldn't be cancelled or amended, divorce wouldn't be possible.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

No, swinging is not cheating and I've explained why.

Cheating is cheating because of the deceitful nature. There's no deceit in swinging.

Two people in a relationship can choose to amend the terms of the arrangement they have made. One person cannot do that without the knowledge of the other.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

this swinger never justifies her actions to anybody.

Incidentally do you have a link to your dictionary definition, I'd be interested in that interpretation, I enjoy word and their meanings?"

I have just googled again and I see where our misunderstanding may have arisen. I googled "cheating definition" I wonder if you might have googled "dictionary definition of cheating within marriage"....see how words can make a difference

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

Can't give a cut and paste dictionary definition on the site, it won't let me ... any dictionary definition is the same. ... lots of scrambling to justify ourselves here now.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Can't give a cut and paste dictionary definition on the site, it won't let me ... any dictionary definition is the same. ... lots of scrambling to justify ourselves here now. "

No scrambling, I am trying to be generous towards you however I see that is wasted.

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

this swinger never justifies her actions to anybody.

Incidentally do you have a link to your dictionary definition, I'd be interested in that interpretation, I enjoy word and their meanings?

No, interestingly enough I know how to use a dictionary ... I goggled online dictionaries and browsed a few, for the definition of cheating ...

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

with respect i care not a jot if its written in whatever definition you refer to or enshrined in the statute or in gold leaf above every house of worship in the land..

i would also suggest if you took a straw poll neither would the vast majority of people who share with their partners this aspect openly and without deceit..

that is the only criteria, not something that folks playing scrabble use as their bible..

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

this swinger never justifies her actions to anybody.

Incidentally do you have a link to your dictionary definition, I'd be interested in that interpretation, I enjoy word and their meanings?

No, interestingly enough I know how to use a dictionary ... I goggled online dictionaries and browsed a few, for the definition of cheating ..."

ok, whatever you say.

As I said before we will have to agree to disagree.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I don't need to justify myself. I'm single. I don't meet cheats.

Trying to justify cheating by claiming swinging is also cheating is a desperate attempt at excusing cheating.

To anyone not invested somehow in trying to justify cheating it is obvious that the two things are vastly different.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Can't give a cut and paste dictionary definition on the site, it won't let me ... any dictionary definition is the same. ... lots of scrambling to justify ourselves here now.

No scrambling, I am trying to be generous towards you however I see that is wasted. "

Amen to that.

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

My point echoes another earlier on the thread, is if you ask couples in the real world, of whom swingers would be a percentage, if playing with someone else, even with your partners knowledge, cheating, I think most people would say it is ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cheating is not a dictionary definition no matter how you look at it ! It is the breakIng of trust between two people if they do it together that trust is not broken !

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"My point echoes another earlier on the thread, is if you ask couples in the real world, of whom swingers would be a percentage, if playing with someone else, even with your partners knowledge, cheating, I think most people would say it is .... "

I don't think they would.

Most people, I think, equate cheating with deceit.

That's a matter of opinion though.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

you seem incapable of accepting that we all see things differently..

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

From Dictionary.com

cheat

[cheet]

verb (used with object)

1.to defraud; swindle:

e.g. He cheated her out of her inheritance.

2.to deceive; influence by fraud:

e.g. He cheated us into believing him a hero.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The problem with dogmatic critiques of self righteous people.....

....Is that the critique comes across as self righteous.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"The problem with dogmatic critiques of self righteous people.....

....Is that the critique comes across as self righteous.

now I have to go and check my dictionary

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

British English dictionary at Cambridge Dictionaries

cheat (verb)

to behave in a dishonest way in order to get what you want

Examples

Anyone caught cheating will be immediately disqualified from the exam.

He cheats at cards?

She cheated in the test by copying from the boy infront.

I suspect he cheats on his taxes (= avoids paying as much tax as he should).

They cheat people by charging too much for building

materials.

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

Miriam Webster defines it as 'to be sexually unfaithful'

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

Its the intransitive form of the verb we are looking at here, there is a difference

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

"Miriam Webster defines it as 'to be sexually unfaithful'

would not give her the time of day, she has at least 2 profiles on here..

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

The Free Dictionary

cheat (chet)

v. cheat·ed, cheat·ing, cheats

v.tr.

1. To deceive by trickery; swindle: cheated customers by overcharging them for purchases.

2. To deprive by trickery; defraud: cheated them of their land.

3. To mislead; fool: illusions that cheat the eye.

4. To elude; escape: cheat death.

v.intr.

1. To act dishonestly; practice fraud.

2. To violate rules deliberately, as in a game: was accused of cheating at cards.

3. Informal To be sexually unfaithful: cheat on a spouse.

4. Sports To position oneself closer to a certain area than is normal or expected: The shortstop cheated toward second base.

1. An act of cheating; a fraud or swindle.

2. One who cheats; a swindler.

3. A technique that exploits a flaw or hidden feature in a video game or computer program.

4. Law Fraudulent acquisition of another's property.

5. Botany Any of several species of brome, especiallyBromus secalinus, an annual European grass widespread as a .

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Intransitive definitions still focus on deceit.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

[Removed by poster at 08/08/15 23:45:50]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This thread is getting very academic

-Courtney

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

There's the definition, to be sexually unfaithful. That is what you are doing, if you are playing with someone else, when you have a partner, isn't it?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"This thread is getting very academic

-Courtney"

That's why I've stopped posting I get confused between my transitives, intransitives and gerunds

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"There's the definition, to be sexually unfaithful. That is what you are doing, if you are playing with someone else, when you have a partner, isn't it?"

How can it be unfaithful if your partner knows and agrees?

Every other definition is based on dishonesty and deceit. It stands to reason that cheating in a relationship is the same. It's the dishonesty and deceit that makes it cheating.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

"This thread is getting very academic

-Courtney"

is being academic the same as face palming and realising that someone wont ever listen..?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ffs is this thread still going

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"ffs is this thread still going"

Apparently so.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The problem with dogmatic critiques of self righteous people.....

....Is that the critique comes across as self righteous.

now I have to go and check my dictionary

Although that statement is correct in itself I don't think it applies in this case ! Although I can see where you are coming from with it lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This thread is getting very academic

-Courtney

is being academic the same as face palming and realising that someone wont ever listen..? "

This made me

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By *eneral Hysteria OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"...

You might be taking this a tad too seriously. It's just a tedious thread on a forum few people read. Try smiling

Please believe me - I am smiling

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?"

Only someone cheating would say that.

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?

Only someone cheating would say that.

I am not cheating. I have been cheated on. I think like that and say that ...

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By *eneral Hysteria OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

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By *eneral Hysteria OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?

Only someone cheating would say that.

You are wrong.

Someone who wants to show the self righteous their ugly bullying ways would say that.

I repeat - it has NOT happened to me.

I read the ugliness to often.

They don't like it methinks.

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By *eneral Hysteria OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

*too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?

Only someone cheating would say that.

You are wrong.

Someone who wants to show the self righteous their ugly bullying ways would say that.

I repeat - it has NOT happened to me.

I read the ugliness to often.

They don't like it methinks. "

Without taking a position one way or another on the cheating question, I will say that many of your posts on this thread have come off (at least to me) as being "ugly" and "self righteous." That's only in my opinion, of course. Perhaps more a matter of how you've said things than what you've said.

-Courtney

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

You'll believe what you want to believe and what supports you in continuing to do what you want.

Logic, common sense, weight of opinion or any other factors won't come into it.

It's an emotive issue. Trying to justify it never goes well. There are strong opinions on both sides of the debate. Just get on with it and respect the wishes of those that don't want to be involved with cheats.

You'll never convince those that believe it's wrong. The majority of people who agree with you will be cheats themselves or will meet cheats.

I challenge any cheat who thinks their actions justified should ask their partner's opinion and try to convince them.

If there was nothing wrong with cheating, cheats wouldn't have to hide it.

The debate never changes anything though. Cheats will still cheat. These threads simply encourage judgemental responses.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?"

Why is it self righteous! And why do you think any couple would open up there trust to someone who cannot even tell the truth to his oun wife !

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

In fairness though, if you look back at the history of threads where couples, and certain singles, sniff out a single 'cheating' husband, that does get very ugly and self-righteous. I think the OP meant this thread to try to see why and what is going on here. For me, it has always struck me as really nonsensical this whole definition of cheating or not cheating, and I was hoping for some clarification of how people justified it, without getting on their self-righteous horses - some people have managed to do this, others have succeeded in showing themselves to be very self-righteous. I don't think the forums are a very nice place for some certain categories of people, whereas they are welcoming to others - just my observations after haunting the forums for a few months

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By *eneral Hysteria OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"Because swinging is about being open and honest with each other and this is a swingers site! Not I'm a cheating site

I was waiting for the, "this is a swingers site, not a cheating site". Gosh, it took long this time

I think it's increasingly a " people should behave a certain way or be thoroughly castigated" site myself.

I feel sometimes that for supposedly open minded people we as a group are incredibly intolerant and closed minded. It's sad in a way.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?

Only someone cheating would say that.

You are wrong.

Someone who wants to show the self righteous their ugly bullying ways would say that.

I repeat - it has NOT happened to me.

I read the ugliness to often.

They don't like it methinks. "

That's your opinion.

Some people think cheating is ugliness and trying to justify it, and pressure people to accept something they don't agree with by name-calling, is self-righteous.

Your opinion is no more right than theirs and you're no more entitled to it than theirs.

If cheats didn't so frequently bring up the subject on here, looking to justify what they do, far fewer people would comment on it and give their _iews.

You say live and let live, so accept that others are entitled to think badly of cheaters and to disagree with you.

Of course, your espousal of the live and let live way only applies to people accepting what you think and do, not you accepting their point of _iew.

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By *eneral Hysteria OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"In fairness though, if you look back at the history of threads where couples, and certain singles, sniff out a single 'cheating' husband, that does get very ugly and self-righteous. I think the OP meant this thread to try to see why and what is going on here. For me, it has always struck me as really nonsensical this whole definition of cheating or not cheating, and I was hoping for some clarification of how people justified it, without getting on their self-righteous horses - some people have managed to do this, others have succeeded in showing themselves to be very self-righteous. I don't think the forums are a very nice place for some certain categories of people, whereas they are welcoming to others - just my observations after haunting the forums for a few months"

This illustrates the point of the thread exactly.

Thank you. Really. x

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

Some folk, only some, are so far up their own arses that that they feel proper to make value-judgements on others without knowing anything about them

These are the same people, who although married to each other, could not keep their genitalia in their pants/panties but instead lay it all about with everyone (ooops, only with a few 'select'). Wonder what value-judgements society makes about them. Actually, I don't need to wonder; I know and so do they

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

This illustrates the point of the thread exactly.

Thank you. Really. x"

No, it really doesn't.

The OP calls people self-righteous without knowing anything about them.

Trying to justify cheating is just as self-righteous as slating it.

The OP does exactly what it criticises.

One is no better than the other, at all.

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By *eneral Hysteria OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?

Only someone cheating would say that.

You are wrong.

Someone who wants to show the self righteous their ugly bullying ways would say that.

I repeat - it has NOT happened to me.

I read the ugliness to often.

They don't like it methinks.

That's your opinion.

Some people think cheating is ugliness and trying to justify it, and pressure people to accept something they don't agree with by name-calling, is self-righteous.

Your opinion is no more right than theirs and you're no more entitled to it than theirs.

If cheats didn't so frequently bring up the subject on here, looking to justify what they do, far fewer people would comment on it and give their _iews.

You say live and let live, so accept that others are entitled to think badly of cheaters and to disagree with you.

Of course, your espousal of the live and let live way only applies to people accepting what you think and do, not you accepting their point of _iew."

You miss the point.

It's not about my opinion.

I asked the question.

It provoked responses.

That's the point

Thank you

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?

Only someone cheating would say that.

You are wrong.

Someone who wants to show the self righteous their ugly bullying ways would say that.

I repeat - it has NOT happened to me.

I read the ugliness to often.

They don't like it methinks.

That's your opinion.

Some people think cheating is ugliness and trying to justify it, and pressure people to accept something they don't agree with by name-calling, is self-righteous.

Your opinion is no more right than theirs and you're no more entitled to it than theirs.

If cheats didn't so frequently bring up the subject on here, looking to justify what they do, far fewer people would comment on it and give their _iews.

You say live and let live, so accept that others are entitled to think badly of cheaters and to disagree with you.

Of course, your espousal of the live and let live way only applies to people accepting what you think and do, not you accepting their point of _iew.

You miss the point.

It's not about my opinion.

I asked the question.

It provoked responses.

That's the point

Thank you

You miss the point.

You asked the question in exactly the judgemental, self-righteous way you moaned about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Genuinely, I haven't read any of this thread. I haven't a clue what it's about. It seems to have gone on for a while. Maybe everyone should just take some time out. There's some fabulous pictures of naked people.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Some folk, only some, are so far up their own arses that that they feel proper to make value-judgements on others without knowing anything about them

I don't agree that because other people are judgemental in a bad way it makes it ok for all of us to be. Also I don't agree that because one section of society feels something is wrong it takes away the right of those people to express an opinion.

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley

You don't seem to actually be taking this in Op? Wait until your infidelity costs you your marriage, your house and your children. Then you might understand.

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

"Why are SOME couples so self righteous when it comes to married men or women swinging without their partners?

Why can't they live and let live?

Only someone cheating would say that.

You are wrong.

Someone who wants to show the self righteous their ugly bullying ways would say that.

I repeat - it has NOT happened to me.

I read the ugliness to often.

They don't like it methinks.

That's your opinion.

Some people think cheating is ugliness and trying to justify it, and pressure people to accept something they don't agree with by name-calling, is self-righteous.

Your opinion is no more right than theirs and you're no more entitled to it than theirs.

If cheats didn't so frequently bring up the subject on here, looking to justify what they do, far fewer people would comment on it and give their _iews.

You say live and let live, so accept that others are entitled to think badly of cheaters and to disagree with you.

Of course, your espousal of the live and let live way only applies to people accepting what you think and do, not you accepting their point of _iew."

I think you will find that it is the cheat police who won't let people alone - I am not married, when I swing (cheat), I do so with my partner, but to be honest I do so very rarely, as I can't be bothered most of the time, instead enjoying the social side of the scene, now, can I get on my high horse about that? Any or all of us could get on a high horse about many things we do in life, but we don't, we don't feel the need to tell others what to do or pus, push and push our point .... maybe because we are listened to in real life, so don't need to be listened to here, maybe because deep down we don't need to feel we have to justify ourselves. On one thing I feel I need to be heard, I agree with the OP, bullies and people who are downright vicious need to be told what they are .... this is not everyone on here who has responded, but I am talking in general ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Genuinely, I haven't read any of this thread. I haven't a clue what it's about. It seems to have gone on for a while. Maybe everyone should just take some time out. There's some fabulous pictures of naked people.

Amen

-Courtney

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Where?

I must be on the wrong site.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personal morality is personal but it should be practiced not preached.

Swinging couples would be judged as perverts by people not in the scene so they should just avoid players and not judge too harshly.

People I've found fuck about for more reasons than just sex alone both men an women so until I know the real and full story I reserve my private judgement and keep it private.

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

Let's watch the x factor instead of having a debate, yes ....

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

As we are doing definitions, lets look at non-monogamy:

Forms of non-monogamy include:

infidelity, where a person has a sexual affair outside of an otherwise monogamous relationship, without the consent or knowledge of his/her partner

casual relationship a physical and emotional relationship between two unmarried people who may have a sexual relationship

cuckoldry, where a person has sex with another individual with the consent of their partner

group marriage (also termed polygynandry), in which several people form a single family unit, with all considered to be married to one another

group sex and orgies involving more than two participants at the same time

Line families, a form of group marriage intended to outlive its original members by ongoing addition of new spouses

ménage à trois, a sexual (or sometimes domestic) arrangement involving three people

open relationship (incl. open marriage), in which one or both members of a committed (or married) couple may become sexually active with other partners

polyamory, in which participants have multiple romantic partners

Poly families, similar to group marriage, but some members may not consider themselves married to all other members

polyfidelity, in which participants have multiple partners but restrict sexual activity to within a certain group

polygamy, in which one person in a relationship has married multiple partners

polyandry, in which women have multiple husbands

polygyny, in which men have multiple wives

plural marriage, a form of polygyny associated with the Latter Day Saint movement in the 19th-century and with present-day splinter groups from that faith. It is also associated with an evangelical splinter group which advocates Christian Plural Marriage

relationship anarchy, in which participants are not bound by set rules

swinging, similar to open relationships, but commonly conducted as an organized social activity

As you see, swinging and infidelity are two different things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let's watch the x factor instead of having a debate, yes ...."

Is it back already?

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

"You don't seem to actually be taking this in Op? Wait until your infidelity costs you your marriage, your house and your children. Then you might understand.

What if his infidelity saves his marriage???

She is bed-ridden/cannot have sex because of a physical or mental condition/something else

Option 1) Dump her alongwith yesterday's garbage

Option 2) Have sex with someone else; afterall, although sex is merely a base act, it is rather important to keep some/most/all people in a happy state of mind. Stay with her, love her and get on with life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As we are doing definitions, lets look at non-monogamy: