FabSwingers.com forum: Widower

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

As a relatively young widower I'm struggling with a few mixed emotions as the minute. Me and my late wife used to swing, but now I'm on my own meeting new people it doesn't quite feel right.

Can anyone else relate to this?

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By *wosWoman
over a year ago

east london

Yep ....is no fun without him ....

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

Go to your GP and ask for counselling - not for swinging ... they shoudl refer you and the psychologist will keep everything confidential.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Go to your GP and ask for counselling - not for swinging ... they shoudl refer you and the psychologist will keep everything confidential. "

I had counselling after she passed, not sure this is something I want to see a psychologist for, if I'm honest.

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By *wosWoman
over a year ago

east london

Don't see why you'd need counselling ..they can't wave a magic wand and make everything alright ... Just working through stuff in my own time , and life's getting to the point of being pretty good ,it just can't be rushed.

If it's something you have shared , it's always going to be difficult , along with every other thing / place that's been important to you both .

Am a great one for self analysis lol along with overthinking stuff.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Don't see why you'd need counselling ..they can't wave a magic wand and make everything alright ... Just working through stuff in my own time , and life's getting to the point of being pretty good ,it just can't be rushed.

If it's something you have shared , it's always going to be difficult , along with every other thing / place that's been important to you both .

Am a great one for self analysis lol along with overthinking stuff."

How long has it been if you don't mind me asking?

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

counselling may not have been the right word - sex therapy ? Or - just reassess if you want to swing at all..

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By *wosWoman
over a year ago

east london

About 18 months ... Am lucky I have good friends and family keeping me sane and watching out for me ..

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By *wosWoman
over a year ago

east london

"counselling may not have been the right word - sex therapy ? Or - just reassess if you want to swing at all.. "

That's kind of a work in progress

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"About 18 months ... Am lucky I have good friends and family keeping me sane and watching out for me .. "

I'm also lucky to have good people around me, I think it feels worse when I'm at clubs or parties. I'm at the point where I've put meets on hold for now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Initially I read and thought how can you still be on here.

Then actually it makes perfect sense.

Unfortunately after losing a loved one our lives still carry on. (even if it doesn't feel like it) We take baby steps and learn to slowly start to rebuild.

Obviously you are going to miss them terribly and the pain eases or we just learn to deal with it.

Now although you may not have the desire now you will still have sexual needs and desires.

Maybe and this is just maybe, as thankfully I have never had to deal with this situation. Swinging is a way of dealing with sexual release without emotional ties?

The guilt of loving someone else must be horrible. But satisfying basis human needs, Noone can blame you for this.

I may be miles off target with this opinion and I apologise if it offends.

Just offering a point of view from someone who has lived a life with lot's of ups and downs.

Besides only you know if you are ready to play, don't rush it.

Hope all goes well.

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By *wosWoman
over a year ago

east london

That really makes sense .. life has to go on whether we like it or not ! ... and what would I do on sleepless nights if I wasn't still here reading the totally random stuff in the forums

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been widowed for 18 years, it feels like a lifetime ago since that fantastic man was with me.

However , if the show was on the other foot, I wouldn't want him to be sat around moping, Life is for the living !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sad to hear of your loss.

I'm sure its tough, but please remember this that; "life is for living as your a long time dead"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Trust me, I've been living it up and it was with Lisa's blessing, but suddenly I find myself lost. I'm not moping, but I'm certainly considering whether to continue with the lifestyle or not. I'm going on holiday on Saturday so I'm sure I'll clear my mind and hopefully come back refreshed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't beat yourself up...perhaps swinging was something which only worked when you had each other, and you'll just have to accept it's another of the things which you lost.

Perhaps the idea of play with only a light emotional connection brings into relief how much connection you have lost..

I can understand why it doesn't feel quite right.

Why not take some time out, keep your contact book up to date...and I'm sure you'll be welcomed with open arms when you feel like jumping back in.

Very best wishes, it ain't easy.

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By *henomenonMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"As a relatively young widower I'm struggling with a few mixed emotions as the minute. Me and my late wife used to swing, but now I'm on my own meeting new people it doesn't quite feel right.

Can anyone else relate to this?"

If it doesn't feel right give it a miss for a few months and it might then be fun again.

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By *ambslass48Woman
over a year ago

Peterborough

"As a relatively young widower I'm struggling with a few mixed emotions as the minute. Me and my late wife used to swing, but now I'm on my own meeting new people it doesn't quite feel right.

Can anyone else relate to this?"

I can as I'm a widow nearly 3 years now he didn't swing as severley disabled but know where your coming from

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