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"If he is happy that you are on here, Why don't you both try a club, Seeing what goes on there might convince him to join in, But I would continue to talk it over with him " I think he doesn't know? She has a swing partner tho. There won't be any easy answer. | |||
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"That swinging might be the way forward to improve our sex life? I've just had the chat with him. You know the one where you say, I can't go on with no sex, I need to be experiencing new things with new people. You need to be enjoying other women to make you feel good, have that threesome you've always wanted? I love you but our sex life is non-existent which makes me miserable etc. you know the one. Initial reaction wasn't good at all. I've asked him to take some time to think about it and what he would be happy with but any tips of stories of how you came to be where you are, would be a great help. Thanks! " I think it's time to hire a good divorce lawyer | |||
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"That swinging might be the way forward to improve our sex life? I've just had the chat with him. You know the one where you say, I can't go on with no sex, I need to be experiencing new things with new people. You need to be enjoying other women to make you feel good, have that threesome you've always wanted? I love you but our sex life is non-existent which makes me miserable etc. you know the one. Initial reaction wasn't good at all. I've asked him to take some time to think about it and what he would be happy with but any tips of stories of how you came to be where you are, would be a great help. Thanks! I think it's time to hire a good divorce lawyer " See my first post. | |||
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"If this was a single male that posted this , he would he crucified.. Because it's a pretty woman, now all you guys are so understanding " It's an unusual situation and I for one, would like to know more. *nosey bastars alert* | |||
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"That swinging might be the way forward to improve our sex life? I've just had the chat with him. You know the one where you say, I can't go on with no sex, I need to be experiencing new things with new people. You need to be enjoying other women to make you feel good, have that threesome you've always wanted? I love you but our sex life is non-existent which makes me miserable etc. you know the one. Initial reaction wasn't good at all. I've asked him to take some time to think about it and what he would be happy with but any tips of stories of how you came to be where you are, would be a great help. Thanks! I think it's time to hire a good divorce lawyer " It doesn't have to end with a divorce, Talking about what they both want out of their marriage will help, And I would say something similar if the op was Male | |||
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"That swinging might be the way forward to improve our sex life? I've just had the chat with him. You know the one where you say, I can't go on with no sex, I need to be experiencing new things with new people. You need to be enjoying other women to make you feel good, have that threesome you've always wanted? I love you but our sex life is non-existent which makes me miserable etc. you know the one. Initial reaction wasn't good at all. I've asked him to take some time to think about it and what he would be happy with but any tips of stories of how you came to be where you are, would be a great help. Thanks! " My honest answer would be that swinging is not the answer to the lack of sex life. Honestly hand on heart I'd say the sex life needs to get up and running before you consider swinging as a realistic prospect. Is it that he is not sexual with you, or that the sex is there if you want it but you no longer find him sexually appealing. If he is not interested in sex, you need to know why. If he is not sexually appealing to you then you need to think about why he is not doing it for you. We never had the I can't go on talk, but we did have the talk about a lack of libido and that one of us was not up for sex. A good honest and open conversation (not an ultimatum, no threats of consequences, but a loving talk) The talk went about how the lack of sex was not the issue but it was the lack of sex which was indicating a lack of attraction and affection. We discussed that we still loved each other very much, even if one of us was not able to show that sexually. But that they wanted to show it sexually. From that reassurance we could build together, the over sexed not rushing the low libido, but also able to talk openly that they would like sex. Then over time we built up our sexual contact making sure that both were happy and not just doing it to please the other. (bad or pitty sex is worse than no sex). The fact you have already moved on towards swinging without him and you are suggesting he needs to fuck others makes me worry that it's already gone too far. But I also refuse to believe in a lost cause, but I would say that if you want to rebuild sexually between you then that has to be the focus. Having a get out of sex with someone else will just mask the lack of intimacy between you. Then one day he will find out, or you will wake up hating him for not wanting you. Speak to him, but don't threaten him, just tell him how it makes you feel. It's then down to him to decide does he want to make the effort to come halfway back to you. But saying you need to fuck someone else as you won't fuck me, is not going to push him to you. It's basically saying go somewhere else. | |||
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"Wait a minute.... Where are the cheating police? I must be in the wrong place " They're out bludgeoning all the cheating men to death with rubber dildoa | |||
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"That swinging might be the way forward to improve our sex life? I've just had the chat with him. You know the one where you say, I can't go on with no sex, I need to be experiencing new things with new people. You need to be enjoying other women to make you feel good, have that threesome you've always wanted? I love you but our sex life is non-existent which makes me miserable etc. you know the one. Initial reaction wasn't good at all. I've asked him to take some time to think about it and what he would be happy with but any tips of stories of how you came to be where you are, would be a great help. Thanks! " Show him this https://www.ted.com/talks/christopher_ryan_are_we_designed_to_be_sexual_omnivores?language=en At least you've started the conversation - divorce shouldn't be the next step. You should be able to have a discussion about your sexual desires, and respect each other's point of _iew. Either way, I think compromise is the key. You don't have to go all out and sleep with someone straight away - you could take baby steps towards it. Test the waters with no-pressure social meets. If it's a flat out 'no,' then it's possible you'll grow resentful over time. He is entitled to not want to try it with you, but he may have to accept the consequences. I started a thread in 'swingers chat' on monogamy the other day, and I have strong feelings about this sort of situation myself. Lots of good replies from members to give you advice. You obviously love each other, and with any marriage, you need to be able to communicate these things, or it manifests itself with cheating, or an affair, or lying, which is much worse than talking about it. Would love to know how it goes! | |||
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"Well, at least this makes a change. It's usually a bloke asking how to get his wife interested." | |||
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"Wait a minute.... Where are the cheating police? I must be in the wrong place They're out bludgeoning all the cheating men to death with rubber dildoa" Haha! The new plural of dildo is now dildoa!!!! I am so gonna nick that word! | |||
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"Wait a minute.... Where are the cheating police? I must be in the wrong place " Could it be cos she is a woman? lol. | |||
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"The only part of our relationship that is struggling is the sex. Aside fromthat we have a brilliant marriage, he is my best friend, we get on great, rarely argue. Quite literally 90% of what we have together is prefect and I would never leave him, it's just the sex that is seriously lacking!" jump into the chatropoms, give him a bj on cam..he'll love the attention yas get.. *I'll watch | |||
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"The only part of our relationship that is struggling is the sex. Aside fromthat we have a brilliant marriage, he is my best friend, we get on great, rarely argue. Quite literally 90% of what we have together is prefect and I would never leave him, it's just the sex that is seriously lacking! jump into the chatropoms, give him a bj on cam..he'll love the attention yas get.. *I'll watch " *chatrooms | |||
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"Well he doesn't really have any interest in sex at all, hence why I have had a fuck buddy for the last year after 14 years of faithfulness. He knows I'm on here but thinks its just to chat and explore the lifestyle. My preference would obviously be that we do this together and not me going off with another but to date I am yet to convince him. " So your cheating on him then!!! In my opinion your on a slippery slope. | |||
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"The only part of our relationship that is struggling is the sex. Aside fromthat we have a brilliant marriage, he is my best friend, we get on great, rarely argue. Quite literally 90% of what we have together is prefect and I would never leave him, it's just the sex that is seriously lacking!" Lol but you still cheat in him | |||
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"Well he doesn't really have any interest in sex at all, hence why I have had a fuck buddy for the last year after 14 years of faithfulness. He knows I'm on here but thinks its just to chat and explore the lifestyle. My preference would obviously be that we do this together and not me going off with another but to date I am yet to convince him. " So if he agrees to swing with you. How are you going to explain or introduce your current fuck buddy? | |||
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"The only part of our relationship that is struggling is the sex. Aside fromthat we have a brilliant marriage, he is my best friend, we get on great, rarely argue. Quite literally 90% of what we have together is prefect and I would never leave him, it's just the sex that is seriously lacking!" Then marriage counselling might be a more constructive approach than cheating | |||
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"I didn't have a couples profile. I had a single woman one and admin changed it. I have requested that it get changed back and explained I am not a couple but it hasn't been done to date. " I am guessing the reason you have been changed to a couples profile is because you state you and your 'buddy' are looking for someone to join you... That makes a COUPLE!!! | |||
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"He won't go to a marriage counsellor or sex therapist or doctor or any of the other suggestions I have come up with to try and get the sex back on track at home. Nobody decided to be unfaithful lightly. I can assure everybody that I exhausted what I considered to be all other options before seeking sex elsewhere including enduring over 10 years of virtually no sex and never feel attractive of wanted. I have never been to a club or party so unlikely I would ever bump in to anyone I've met as I've only ever met 2 couples. We will never get divorced as we are a family, we have children to raise that deserve to be with both parents every day and I love him. " If he has no interest in sex, which is how it appears, then why would he want to swing? | |||
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"He won't go to a marriage counsellor or sex therapist or doctor or any of the other suggestions I have come up with to try and get the sex back on track at home. Nobody decided to be unfaithful lightly. I can assure everybody that I exhausted what I considered to be all other options before seeking sex elsewhere including enduring over 10 years of virtually no sex and never feel attractive of wanted. I have never been to a club or party so unlikely I would ever bump in to anyone I've met as I've only ever met 2 couples. We will never get divorced as we are a family, we have children to raise that deserve to be with both parents every day and I love him. " Ok if he has no interest in sex the question is why??? 10 years of no sex is more than simply a lack of libido. If he knows you are on here to explore the lifestyle then I would go all the way and tell him that you want sex with others and you are asking for his permission as he is not interested in you sexually. I can foresee where a couple are not sexual together but are still honest and faithful by being clear. You say that you won't get divorced. But whilst he may not be into sex if he knows you are on here, it's not going to take a huge leap for him to check and then he maybe looking for a good lawyer. Be as honest as you can, it maybe that your sex life together is non-recoverable, but he may give you free reign to get that outside of your relationship. If he does that then you don't have to lie to him, if he doesn't they you have a choice to make. I would say the same as others, if he is not into sex, then why would he swing. What changed to stop the sex??? I know what it was with us, but it took some tears and talking to get to. | |||
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"same flippant advice a man would get from the crowd... show him your profile!!!! seriously though... if he doesn't like the idea and has had that reaction, why keep pushing?" My thoughts exactly. | |||
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"Wait a minute.... Where are the cheating police? I must be in the wrong place " I was on a train. Just catching up now. OP, if he doesn't want to do it, don't make him do it. Would you rather he entered the lifestyle unhappily and just to keep you? Think of how he now feels, now he knows you want to shag other men, that he isn't enough for you. If sex is that important to you then seriously consider leaving him. | |||
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"I think it was the children. He just sees me as this sweet mother of his children that he couldn't possibly ravish or dominate or have the sort of sex with that I enjoy. " Its a circular discussion. He, for whatever reason, has a reduced libido or he is cheating on you and getting laid whilst you are looking after the homestead. Stranger things have happened. You are happy being laid by the boyfriend? Carry on and say nowt and play happy suburbia happy families? | |||
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"Possibly. They're bloody hard work gingers! " I know.........last lady friend was one! | |||
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"If he knows your on here the chances are he's probably waiting for the moment when you say you'd cheated on him. Now as you said we're not flies on the walls so don't know how you've tried to get him to open up about why he's not intetested but you really do need to sit him down and talk. Not about forcing him in swinging but about being unhappy because as you said you never 'feel attractive or wanted.' Tell him the only man that you want to make you feel wanted is him instead of a forum of complete strangers." Good advice | |||
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"Show him your profile and verifications, that'll defo change his mind! Seriously, if this was a man it would have half the replies and all saying the same thing. If you're unhappy in your marriage and need sex outside of it and he isn't into the idea, divorce and explore your own life, cheating isn't the way to do it!" You guys have restored my faith in fab | |||
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"Show him your profile and verifications, that'll defo change his mind! Seriously, if this was a man it would have half the replies and all saying the same thing. If you're unhappy in your marriage and need sex outside of it and he isn't into the idea, divorce and explore your own life, cheating isn't the way to do it! You guys have restored my faith in fab " I am the Kojak of FAB | |||
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"I think it was the children. He just sees me as this sweet mother of his children that he couldn't possibly ravish or dominate or have the sort of sex with that I enjoy. " This is a common occurrence. But like anything anyone can be educated. Does he still fuck you? If so, then not all is lost, but you need to ask him what he likes too. You may want him to dominate you, but he may want to do something cheesy like using chocolate spread. Or he could shock you with his fantasies. It's really hard to remote counsel especially with just one side of the discussion, but there has to be some way of communicating this too him. I'd also be cautious about saying others should not call you a cheat or horrible. It's a public forum and if you put it out there that you are cheating, then people will have their say. Men get a much harder time. I am more the end one relationship before starting another, but I am also ever hopeful of rescuing relationships. But in the end I seem to think that these things always come down to communication. | |||
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"If he knows your on here the chances are he's probably waiting for the moment when you say you'd cheated on him. Now as you said we're not flies on the walls so don't know how you've tried to get him to open up about why he's not intetested but you really do need to sit him down and talk. Not about forcing him in swinging but about being unhappy because as you said you never 'feel attractive or wanted.' Tell him the only man that you want to make you feel wanted is him instead of a forum of complete strangers." Of course, I'd never thought of that and haven't been telling him that at all for the last 10 years. | |||
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"Show him your profile and verifications, that'll defo change his mind! Seriously, if this was a man it would have half the replies and all saying the same thing. If you're unhappy in your marriage and need sex outside of it and he isn't into the idea, divorce and explore your own life, cheating isn't the way to do it! You guys have restored my faith in fab " Well it's true, a man would be ridiculed with this thread, no diff for a woman in our _iew. If you're not geared up for monogomy, admit it to yourself and your partner and either divorce to explore your life (you only get one) or explore together. The hurt of splitting will pale in comparison if he finds out you've deceived him, it's not the act of sex, it's the fact you've been lied to that hurts. | |||
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"If he knows your on here the chances are he's probably waiting for the moment when you say you'd cheated on him. Now as you said we're not flies on the walls so don't know how you've tried to get him to open up about why he's not intetested but you really do need to sit him down and talk. Not about forcing him in swinging but about being unhappy because as you said you never 'feel attractive or wanted.' Tell him the only man that you want to make you feel wanted is him instead of a forum of complete strangers. Of course, I'd never thought of that and haven't been telling him that at all for the last 10 years." Wasn't it Einstein who said the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.... | |||
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"Wait a minute.... Where are the cheating police? I must be in the wrong place " As has been demonstrated many times over the last few weeks, a articulate lady who has great pics can speak about cheating and some of the masses fall silent, yet a man say exactly the same or similar and the thread would be awash with attacks. If it wasn't sad, it would be amusing. | |||
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"OK who had UNLOS at 2 hours? Its true that most were easier on the OP than we would have been with a bloke posting the same, but it seems to result was the same. Hopefully she hasn't flounced, and has decided to maybe take some advice given." Doubt it! | |||
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"OK who had UNLOS at 2 hours? Its true that most were easier on the OP than we would have been with a bloke posting the same, but it seems to result was the same. Hopefully she hasn't flounced, and has decided to maybe take some advice given. Doubt it!" Ditto. | |||
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"Well I guess she has decided to give it another try between them and leave the swinging for a bit." yeh right | |||
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"The only part of our relationship that is struggling is the sex. Aside fromthat we have a brilliant marriage, he is my best friend, we get on great, rarely argue. Quite literally 90% of what we have together is prefect and I would never leave him, it's just the sex that is seriously lacking!" hmmmm, this sounds very familiar. I was in exactly the same boat (apart from having a fuck buddy - I was never going to get involved with anyone ) 4 years later and I came clean, moved out, and get married to the man I was never going to fall in love with in 48 weeks - just goes to show - you never know what's around the corner! Oh and I'm still friends with my ex and he asked for an invite to mine and Jim's wedding! | |||
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"Well I guess she has decided to give it another try between them and leave the swinging for a bit. yeh right " I wonder what the fb will do now? | |||
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"The only part of our relationship that is struggling is the sex. Aside fromthat we have a brilliant marriage, he is my best friend, we get on great, rarely argue. Quite literally 90% of what we have together is prefect and I would never leave him, it's just the sex that is seriously lacking! hmmmm, this sounds very familiar. I was in exactly the same boat (apart from having a fuck buddy - I was never going to get involved with anyone ) 4 years later and I came clean, moved out, and get married to the man I was never going to fall in love with in 48 weeks - just goes to show - you never know what's around the corner! Oh and I'm still friends with my ex and he asked for an invite to mine and Jim's wedding!" Difference being, you didn't cheat and lie. You just came clean it wasn't for you and moved on. | |||
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"Well I guess she has decided to give it another try between them and leave the swinging for a bit. yeh right I wonder what the fb will do now?" I'm guessing he will still be taters (balls) deep in her whenever she calls. Sorry if that was too crass, tongue in cheek reply. | |||
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"..... hmmmm, this sounds very familiar. I was in exactly the same boat (apart from having a fuck buddy - I was never going to get involved with anyone ) 4 years later and I came clean, moved out, and get married to the man I was never going to fall in love with in 48 weeks - just goes to show - you never know what's around the corner! Oh and I'm still friends with my ex and he asked for an invite to mine and Jim's wedding! Difference being, you didn't cheat and lie. You just came clean it wasn't for you and moved on. " I was on the site for about 18 months before I came clean, he knew something was up and we had chatted about the lack of sex but it had always come to nothing. I stayed in the house for another year before I eventually moved out so it wasn't totally cut and dry. I moved out 3 years ago and have never been happier. | |||
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"OK who had UNLOS at 2 hours? Its true that most were easier on the OP than we would have been with a bloke posting the same, but it seems to result was the same. Hopefully she hasn't flounced, and has decided to maybe take some advice given." my advice was adhered to.All weomen should listen to me.in future. | |||
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"Wait a minute.... Where are the cheating police? I must be in the wrong place As has been demonstrated many times over the last few weeks, a articulate lady who has great pics can speak about cheating and some of the masses fall silent, yet a man say exactly the same or similar and the thread would be awash with attacks. If it wasn't sad, it would be amusing. " This is also true of articulate men with great pics. Is it because they offer another point of _iew in a well thought out way and are not really bothered by others opinions? Is it because they're popular and peoples so called morals go out of the window if they're in with a chance to meet? Who knows. What I do know is what some of the masse say on here and what they do in private can be poles apart. | |||
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"Wait a minute.... Where are the cheating police? I must be in the wrong place As has been demonstrated many times over the last few weeks, a articulate lady who has great pics can speak about cheating and some of the masses fall silent, yet a man say exactly the same or similar and the thread would be awash with attacks. If it wasn't sad, it would be amusing. This is also true of articulate men with great pics. Is it because they offer another point of _iew in a well thought out way and are not really bothered by others opinions? Is it because they're popular and peoples so called morals go out of the window if they're in with a chance to meet? Who knows. What I do know is what some of the masse say on here and what they do in private can be poles apart. " very, very true | |||
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"Wait a minute.... Where are the cheating police? I must be in the wrong place As has been demonstrated many times over the last few weeks, a articulate lady who has great pics can speak about cheating and some of the masses fall silent, yet a man say exactly the same or similar and the thread would be awash with attacks. If it wasn't sad, it would be amusing. This is also true of articulate men with great pics. Is it because they offer another point of _iew in a well thought out way and are not really bothered by others opinions? Is it because they're popular and peoples so called morals go out of the window if they're in with a chance to meet? Who knows. What I do know is what some of the masse say on here and what they do in private can be poles apart. " Yep! | |||
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"did not last long " There are pills you can get for that | |||
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