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have you ever....

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By *oodmess OP   Man
over a year ago

yumsville

(Just picking up from something just mentioned in a thread)

Have you ever contacted people who have left verifications to get a better idea of the person you are going to meet?

It seems a reasonable idea to get a better picture of the person you are going to meet, rather than the flirts or potential buff you'd get on messages?

I have been contacted previously about people I have met - just to say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hell no!! It's incredibly rude and the height of indiscretion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Problem is lots of members have multiple profiles! And then they veri themselves,so it's a loose loose situation.

Gut instinct is the best measure.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

No never,i always make my own mind up about possible meets rather than rely on others.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

No never. I rarely read books from other people's recommendations either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hell no!! It's incredibly rude and the height of indiscretion. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would be highly pissed off if somebody did that. Everybody takes people differently. Judge for yourself is the only way!

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset


"Hell no!! It's incredibly rude and the height of indiscretion. "

and a million more

1. It's really friggin cheeky

2. Why would you assume the person you met was at all interested in the enquire?

3. It's really, really, really friggin cheeky

Any such requests would be deleted. And I'd most likely mail the meet concerned to tell them 'x' was being a nosy fucker!!

A

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol


"Hell no!! It's incredibly rude and the height of indiscretion. "

Once I picked my jaw up off the floor about receiving such a message I would be tempted to reply asking why the hell the enquirer would think I would want to share anything with them I hadn't written in my veri already and what the fuck did they think they were playing at? More importantly, I would message the person concerned to let them know they were being checked up on.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Has anyone asked anyone if anyone thinks I'm a shit shag? Via im not. They are joke veris. I get asked if I am in pm on occasion.

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire


"(Just picking up from something just mentioned in a thread)

Have you ever contacted people who have left verifications to get a better idea of the person you are going to meet?

It seems a reasonable idea to get a better picture of the person you are going to meet, rather than the flirts or potential buff you'd get on messages?

I have been contacted previously about people I have met - just to say. "

I've been contacted quite often by women interested in men I've left verifications for. I find it really intrusive. I left my verifications and that's that. I won't further disclose or be interrogated. I wouldn't dream of doing it to someone else. It's way too intense and it makes me want to tell the men they are interested in that they are sniffing round behind their backs (although I don't).

Smacks of bunny boiler to me.

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By *oodmess OP   Man
over a year ago

yumsville

seems the majority are saying it's rude. I might be missing something then. If we display our verifications, and according to the other thread and a good few other threads; verifications are over cooked and meets are disappointing or meets dont have the stamina they profess to have, ie. the veri was left to get a good veri. Surely a private message to those leaving it asking if they are actually worth meeting, isn't being so indiscreet - it is published after all??

With bdsm meets .. you could also get an better idea if they know what they are doing or not, over a 2 or 3 line verification

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset


"seems the majority are saying it's rude. I might be missing something then. If we display our verifications, and according to the other thread and a good few other threads; verifications are over cooked and meets are disappointing or meets dont have the stamina they profess to have, ie. the veri was left to get a good veri. Surely a private message to those leaving it asking if they are actually worth meeting, isn't being so indiscreet - it is published after all??

With bdsm meets .. you could also get an better idea if they know what they are doing or not, over a 2 or 3 line verification"

So you think it's a good idea to message a total stranger to ask about another total stranger YOU think you might want to meet when THEY possibly don't know you exist and may well have no interest in you at all?

Ok.

A

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By *o new WinksMan
over a year ago

BSE

I would never expect someone to question the veracity of a veris, but I would understand if a potential meet asked someone who I had met some questions to reassure them.

I would equally understand if they chose not to answer said questions.

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire


"seems the majority are saying it's rude. I might be missing something then. If we display our verifications, and according to the other thread and a good few other threads; verifications are over cooked and meets are disappointing or meets dont have the stamina they profess to have, ie. the veri was left to get a good veri. Surely a private message to those leaving it asking if they are actually worth meeting, isn't being so indiscreet - it is published after all??

With bdsm meets .. you could also get an better idea if they know what they are doing or not, over a 2 or 3 line verification

So you think it's a good idea to message a total stranger to ask about another total stranger YOU think you might want to meet when THEY possibly don't know you exist and may well have no interest in you at all?

Ok.

A"

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire


"seems the majority are saying it's rude. I might be missing something then. If we display our verifications, and according to the other thread and a good few other threads; verifications are over cooked and meets are disappointing or meets dont have the stamina they profess to have, ie. the veri was left to get a good veri. Surely a private message to those leaving it asking if they are actually worth meeting, isn't being so indiscreet - it is published after all??

With bdsm meets .. you could also get an better idea if they know what they are doing or not, over a 2 or 3 line verification"

My experiences with BDSM has worked slightly different. I've had Doms in the past put me in touch with previous subs of theirs. Or with friends. I wouldn't be reaching out to their veris and asking them questions on the sly. It would serve no purpose.

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By *oodmess OP   Man
over a year ago

yumsville


"(Just picking up from something just mentioned in a thread)

Have you ever contacted people who have left verifications to get a better idea of the person you are going to meet?

It seems a reasonable idea to get a better picture of the person you are going to meet, rather than the flirts or potential buff you'd get on messages?

I have been contacted previously about people I have met - just to say.

I've been contacted quite often by women interested in men I've left verifications for. I find it really intrusive. I left my verifications and that's that. I won't further disclose or be interrogated. I wouldn't dream of doing it to someone else. It's way too intense and it makes me want to tell the men they are interested in that they are sniffing round behind their backs (although I don't).

Smacks of bunny boiler to me. "

I think you do the more bdsm side of meets - any good dom should be able to to give references. Any sub would want to know if the dom is trustworthy, this is a given in bdsm (touched on this in my above post, but this thread is a more general chat)

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By *oodmess OP   Man
over a year ago

yumsville


"seems the majority are saying it's rude. I might be missing something then. If we display our verifications, and according to the other thread and a good few other threads; verifications are over cooked and meets are disappointing or meets dont have the stamina they profess to have, ie. the veri was left to get a good veri. Surely a private message to those leaving it asking if they are actually worth meeting, isn't being so indiscreet - it is published after all??

With bdsm meets .. you could also get an better idea if they know what they are doing or not, over a 2 or 3 line verification

So you think it's a good idea to message a total stranger to ask about another total stranger YOU think you might want to meet when THEY possibly don't know you exist and may well have no interest in you at all?

Ok.

A"

well if the answer you get back is - 'I dont remember them that well' they might not have been as good as the verification they left, if you get my point. It's a simple enough question, say a profile looks a bit too good to be true for instance, say the verifications are socials or a a little nondescript, or maybe as said you are going for a harder meet and it is your first time doing it and want to gauge how they are...?

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By *oodmess OP   Man
over a year ago

yumsville


"I would never expect someone to question the veracity of a veris, but I would understand if a potential meet asked someone who I had met some questions to reassure them.

I would equally understand if they chose not to answer said questions. "

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset


"seems the majority are saying it's rude. I might be missing something then. If we display our verifications, and according to the other thread and a good few other threads; verifications are over cooked and meets are disappointing or meets dont have the stamina they profess to have, ie. the veri was left to get a good veri. Surely a private message to those leaving it asking if they are actually worth meeting, isn't being so indiscreet - it is published after all??

With bdsm meets .. you could also get an better idea if they know what they are doing or not, over a 2 or 3 line verification

So you think it's a good idea to message a total stranger to ask about another total stranger YOU think you might want to meet when THEY possibly don't know you exist and may well have no interest in you at all?

Ok.

A

well if the answer you get back is - 'I dont remember them that well' they might not have been as good as the verification they left, if you get my point. It's a simple enough question, say a profile looks a bit too good to be true for instance, say the verifications are socials or a a little nondescript, or maybe as said you are going for a harder meet and it is your first time doing it and want to gauge how they are...? "

Answer? Try it and see how many answers are forthcoming!

If a veri is social then what are you hoping to discover? What they drink? What the hot topics of conversation were?

If the veri is vague and nondescript? I suspect it's that way because the parties concerned don't want to share graphic details - so why would they share with a random stranger making enquiries?

As I said - if you think it's ok and a good idea then go for it. I'm sure the results will be useful.

A

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"seems the majority are saying it's rude. I might be missing something then. If we display our verifications, and according to the other thread and a good few other threads; verifications are over cooked and meets are disappointing or meets dont have the stamina they profess to have, ie. the veri was left to get a good veri. Surely a private message to those leaving it asking if they are actually worth meeting, isn't being so indiscreet - it is published after all??

With bdsm meets .. you could also get an better idea if they know what they are doing or not, over a 2 or 3 line verification"

You are missing the point! Majorly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have never had anyone message me to ask about a previous meet but if they did, I would just tell them to read the verification I left the person concerned.

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol


"Hell no!! It's incredibly rude and the height of indiscretion.

and a million more

1. It's really friggin cheeky

2. Why would you assume the person you met was at all interested in the enquire?

3. It's really, really, really friggin cheeky

Any such requests would be deleted. And I'd most likely mail the meet concerned to tell them 'x' was being a nosy fucker!!

A"

Spot on.

Veris may be public, but they are public for one reason only - so people can read them and make up their own minds. The idea that their public nature is an invitation for someone to intrude on the person who left the veri for their own purposes is mind boggling!

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By *oodmess OP   Man
over a year ago

yumsville


"seems the majority are saying it's rude. I might be missing something then. If we display our verifications, and according to the other thread and a good few other threads; verifications are over cooked and meets are disappointing or meets dont have the stamina they profess to have, ie. the veri was left to get a good veri. Surely a private message to those leaving it asking if they are actually worth meeting, isn't being so indiscreet - it is published after all??

With bdsm meets .. you could also get an better idea if they know what they are doing or not, over a 2 or 3 line verification

You are missing the point! Majorly."

can you give explanation as to why there are so many threads about 'a question of stamina', 'disappointing meets' ... on and on, I am not going to list the threads but they are about meets where the veris indicate good meets, yet stamina or experience is lacking. This could be solved by a discreet message. Personally wouldnt go running to someone I had met 10 months ago, where it was quite certain we weren't going to meet again. I would want them to enjoy their meet

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset


"seems the majority are saying it's rude. I might be missing something then. If we display our verifications, and according to the other thread and a good few other threads; verifications are over cooked and meets are disappointing or meets dont have the stamina they profess to have, ie. the veri was left to get a good veri. Surely a private message to those leaving it asking if they are actually worth meeting, isn't being so indiscreet - it is published after all??

With bdsm meets .. you could also get an better idea if they know what they are doing or not, over a 2 or 3 line verification

You are missing the point! Majorly.

can you give explanation as to why there are so many threads about 'a question of stamina', 'disappointing meets' ... on and on, I am not going to list the threads but they are about meets where the veris indicate good meets, yet stamina or experience is lacking. This could be solved by a discreet message. Personally wouldnt go running to someone I had met 10 months ago, where it was quite certain we weren't going to meet again. I would want them to enjoy their meet"

Simple.

Different strokes for different folks.

One persons 'amazing' is another's 'average'.

So any feedback you did manage to squeeze out of someone would be pointless as it's just their view - yours could be worlds apart.

And there really aren't that many threads such as you describe - and those that do appear often say far more about the thread starter than their meets.

A

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By *oodmess OP   Man
over a year ago

yumsville

and too - there are the crazies.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"(Just picking up from something just mentioned in a thread)

Have you ever contacted people who have left verifications to get a better idea of the person you are going to meet?

It seems a reasonable idea to get a better picture of the person you are going to meet, rather than the flirts or potential buff you'd get on messages?

I have been contacted previously about people I have met - just to say.

I've been contacted quite often by women interested in men I've left verifications for. I find it really intrusive. I left my verifications and that's that. I won't further disclose or be interrogated. I wouldn't dream of doing it to someone else. It's way too intense and it makes me want to tell the men they are interested in that they are sniffing round behind their backs (although I don't).

Smacks of bunny boiler to me.

I think you do the more bdsm side of meets - any good dom should be able to to give references. Any sub would want to know if the dom is trustworthy, this is a given in bdsm (touched on this in my above post, but this thread is a more general chat) "

I wouldn't meet someone if I was unsure of them. Just because Mr X was nice at his last meet, doesn't prove he won't go nuts and murder me.

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By *oodmess OP   Man
over a year ago

yumsville


"Hell no!! It's incredibly rude and the height of indiscretion.

and a million more

1. It's really friggin cheeky

2. Why would you assume the person you met was at all interested in the enquire?

3. It's really, really, really friggin cheeky

Any such requests would be deleted. And I'd most likely mail the meet concerned to tell them 'x' was being a nosy fucker!!

A

Spot on.

Veris may be public, but they are public for one reason only - so people can read them and make up their own minds. The idea that their public nature is an invitation for someone to intrude on the person who left the veri for their own purposes is mind boggling!"

I'd think it very indiscreet messaging someone you had met a good time ago, when someone is being open that they are looking to have sex with that person myself. They have approached you in confidence to get your opinion because they may have doubts.

Anyway - it's an interesting point of discussion - it's not meant to cause a row.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was contacted about someone ive met with...... i found it highly hillerious but rude... Hence why my veris are not on show anymore lol

told them to find out for themselfs

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire


"(Just picking up from something just mentioned in a thread)

Have you ever contacted people who have left verifications to get a better idea of the person you are going to meet?

It seems a reasonable idea to get a better picture of the person you are going to meet, rather than the flirts or potential buff you'd get on messages?

I have been contacted previously about people I have met - just to say.

I've been contacted quite often by women interested in men I've left verifications for. I find it really intrusive. I left my verifications and that's that. I won't further disclose or be interrogated. I wouldn't dream of doing it to someone else. It's way too intense and it makes me want to tell the men they are interested in that they are sniffing round behind their backs (although I don't).

Smacks of bunny boiler to me.

I think you do the more bdsm side of meets - any good dom should be able to to give references. Any sub would want to know if the dom is trustworthy, this is a given in bdsm (touched on this in my above post, but this thread is a more general chat) "

Actually, I do my swinging meets on Fabswingers and the swinging women have contacted me about verifications I've left on male swingers accounts. No BDSM has ever been mentioned.

I am a fetishist but I'm in a relationship with a swinger. I swing ( in some fashion) with him. So feel able to comment on swinging threads as well as BDSM ones.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I haven't and no I wouldn't. I spend ages chatting to the person I'm interested in meeting prior to agreeing to meet. I don't require anyone else's opinion.

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

I would not be impressed if a random person contacted me for a "reference". But there are some exceptions.

With Mrs being Asian, we do get people asking which country she comes from, for example someone specifically looking for a bi female Filipino. In that situation we would say, thats not us, but we know a couple who are.

Alternatively we might meet someone and say, you might like this other couple that we know, i think you would get on because of X Y Z.

But if a stranger contacted us to ask how someone else was in bed, i would have much more loyalty to our previous playmates and tell them about the message, than i would to the stranger who i would tell to find out for themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"seems the majority are saying it's rude. I might be missing something then. If we display our verifications, and according to the other thread and a good few other threads; verifications are over cooked and meets are disappointing or meets dont have the stamina they profess to have, ie. the veri was left to get a good veri. Surely a private message to those leaving it asking if they are actually worth meeting, isn't being so indiscreet - it is published after all??

With bdsm meets .. you could also get an better idea if they know what they are doing or not, over a 2 or 3 line verification

You are missing the point! Majorly.

can you give explanation as to why there are so many threads about 'a question of stamina', 'disappointing meets' ... on and on, I am not going to list the threads but they are about meets where the veris indicate good meets, yet stamina or experience is lacking. This could be solved by a discreet message. Personally wouldnt go running to someone I had met 10 months ago, where it was quite certain we weren't going to meet again. I would want them to enjoy their meet"

It's pointless as well as pit of order.

One mans/girl " got great stamina"!" Amazing in bed" is another mans/girl " not that great" every one is different! You have to make your own choices and judgements, not someone else's for Christ sake

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By *oodmess OP   Man
over a year ago

yumsville

keep yr hat on!!!!!!!!!! it's a general chat !!!!!!!!!!

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By *orthyorkypairCouple
over a year ago

North Yorkshire


"Hell no!! It's incredibly rude and the height of indiscretion. "

fully agree totally not acceptable we would say

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

The day I need to ask for someone else's opinion on a person rather than making my own mind up is the day I need to be slapped into next week for being a c**t

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By *oodmess OP   Man
over a year ago

yumsville

pmfsl

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

We really wanted to fuck the op, but after chatting to all his veris it turns out he's shit in bed so we never bothered to contact him.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

To answer the op's question (and it was a question, not a statement).

Something like this has happened to me.

My perspective on this was, is the person that insecure in themselves?

Which then moved to, this is turning into a lamppost pissing moment.

Which concluded in that the first thought was feeding the second.

But hey, that was me, from my take, everyone is different.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The day I need to ask for someone else's opinion on a person rather than making my own mind up is the day I need to be slapped into next week for being a c**t"

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By *oodmess OP   Man
over a year ago

yumsville


"To answer the op's question (and it was a question, not a statement).

Something like this has happened to me.

My perspective on this was, is the person that insecure in themselves?

Which then moved to, this is turning into a lamppost pissing moment.

Which concluded in that the first thought was feeding the second.

But hey, that was me, from my take, everyone is different. "

When someone contacted me, it was due to them looking to meet a pretty (very) hard edged couple, they were a little wary - I told them my exp (essentially that they were cool as daisy's), they were thinking they were too much for them, but were very glad they met them is all I can say.

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire


"To answer the op's question (and it was a question, not a statement).

Something like this has happened to me.

My perspective on this was, is the person that insecure in themselves?

Which then moved to, this is turning into a lamppost pissing moment.

Which concluded in that the first thought was feeding the second.

But hey, that was me, from my take, everyone is different.

When someone contacted me, it was due to them looking to meet a pretty (very) hard edged couple, they were a little wary - I told them my exp (essentially that they were cool as daisy's), they were thinking they were too much for them, but were very glad they met them is all I can say."

Why couldn't the person that spoke to you, speak to the pretty hard edged couple themselves, at length. Explain why they were wary and work out if they were compatible?

If I was part of the couple, I'd be a bit annoyed that I'd been discussed and also that the person felt they had to check up on me rather than just have a conversation with me. I wouldn't proceed with play with them.

A verification is simply that. It's not an open channel for everyone to go delving round in someone's past sexual history looking for answers that they should be working out for themselves.

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By *oodmess OP   Man
over a year ago

yumsville

If you are annoyed at someone wanting to know about little more about you, maybe you have your answer.

And these veris are an open way for anybody to look into a person's sexual history, why else have or display them. We are all adults... if you want to answer a mail from someone, I'm sure you'll pass that hurdle should you come to it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At one point I was getting messages from guys asking about a "friend" of mine on here.

Her profile stated her preference for tall (6' plus) and muscular guys. I am not those things! We had, however "clicked " and had some fun as shown by verifications for each other.

Guys who contacted her but we're not her "type" we're politely told so.

Some of them would then contact me to ask how come I had got to play and could i "arrange" for them to meet her! Hence the comment on my profile.

She has now left the site....but remains a good friend!

So yes....people do ask about verifications...but not always nicely!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If we found out that people we were looking to meet were trawling our verifications and pumping them for intimate details of our meets, any intention we had of meeting would end...This is casual, no strings sex with strangers and that all seems a little too intense and calculated for us...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hell no!! It's incredibly rude and the height of indiscretion. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had a girl message me once about a veri I had left for someone. She warned me about him, nice to have the heads up. Turns out she was right.

So for that I was grateful. Tbh I wouldn't see it as a big deal. End of the day it is strangers meeting strangers.

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire


"

If you are annoyed at someone wanting to know about little more about you, maybe you have your answer.

And these veris are an open way for anybody to look into a person's sexual history, why else have or display them. We are all adults... if you want to answer a mail from someone, I'm sure you'll pass that hurdle should you come to it. "

I just wouldn't be so disrespectful as to discuss someone I've played with, with their potential new play partner. Unless of course I've been asked to as a reference.

It's all about trust and discretion.

I find people that go snooping are not the kind of people I want to play with. I'd rather them be open with me and say they are unsure rather than pester people I've played with in my past for information.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would t even consider it. Seems a bit rude and sneaky to me!!!

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

No no no no no

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By *oodmess OP   Man
over a year ago

yumsville

[Removed by poster at 25/07/15 15:44:42]

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By *oodmess OP   Man
over a year ago

yumsville

[Removed by poster at 25/07/15 15:45:17]

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By *P2903Couple
over a year ago

Rotherham

Folks apparently contact our FB about us. It happens. He informs them that we're shit so he can keep us to himself, or at least that's what I tell myself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"(Just picking up from something just mentioned in a thread)

Have you ever contacted people who have left verifications to get a better idea of the person you are going to meet?

It seems a reasonable idea to get a better picture of the person you are going to meet, rather than the flirts or potential buff you'd get on messages?

I have been contacted previously about people I have met - just to say. "

No we haven't , nor will we .

But plenty have done it to us , and we think it's a bit rude .

A veri says all that's needed surely ?

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury


"(Just picking up from something just mentioned in a thread)

Have you ever contacted people who have left verifications to get a better idea of the person you are going to meet?

It seems a reasonable idea to get a better picture of the person you are going to meet, rather than the flirts or potential buff you'd get on messages?

I have been contacted previously about people I have met - just to say. "

Actually yes I have, in the 6wks or so I've been on here...

Someone contacted me about someone on the list and I politely told them to get knotted.

You want to know something about that person, ask them.

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

I've had two people message me and they were told in no fewer words "to mind their own f***ing business!". Then I messaged the friends in question, they also found it disgusting behaviour and blocked the enquirer before they could be contacted by them, and now both friends don't publish their verifications anymore

Terribly intrusive and rude, especially in the swinging scene where discretion and respect should be paramount

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