FabSwingers.com forum: Jealousy - don't understand it

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I never got jealous before & now I think I am &'it sucks

One of my ex's was an escort & apart from her safety it never bothered me as I knew she was coming back to me!

I'm currently seeing a lovely lady off here & things are going really well.

She has a massive sex drive & I'm not always there. She teases me that she's got 'someone' round to please her & again not been to worried as she admits she teases & if she does get a friend in, if I know about it fine - everyone has needs

What I think I'm getting jealous over is she's hidden texts from me teasing blokes that know about us that she still wants them.

I'm starting to feel paranoid that I'll not fulfill her needs. Is this jealousy?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Oops just seen the other post in support & advice so will kill this one & post in there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, it's a perfectly normal reaction to somebody who is hiding texts from you.

If, as you claim, she is hiding texts - what else is she hiding ?

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

How do you know she's hiding texts?

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Have you asked her? Sat her down and explained how you feel? Is posting about her on here the best way forward?

hope it works out..

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

1 - as she is from this site, it's unlikely this is the best way to go about sorting the problem.

2 - have the balls to tell her directly and clearly what you are feeling - if you have and she is still doing it, then you have your answer... she said "fuck you!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I never got jealous before & now I think I am &'it sucks

One of my ex's was an escort & apart from her safety it never bothered me as I knew she was coming back to me!

I'm currently seeing a lovely lady off here & things are going really well.

What I think I'm getting jealous over is she's hidden texts from me teasing blokes that know about us that she still wants them.

I'm starting to feel paranoid that I'll not fulfill her needs. Is this jealousy?

"
If you really are just into her and she feel the same come of sites like this and give it a go, Its like a candy shop here and its easy to pick lots on offer. You will feel paranoid jealous if you would like her just for yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This fem is very clearly taking the piss right out of you, she doesn't come across as being particularly lovely if she's doing this to you.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

" This fem is very clearly taking the piss right out of you, she doesn't come across as being particularly lovely if she's doing this to you.

What if she thinks they are not an "item" and is doing what she is on this site for?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hmm something to think about people - thanks

Re hiding & finding them

I'm totally open - she can & does check out my phone whenever she wants to - no problems. She has allowed me to do the same - fine

When I asked about a rather strong text chat with a previous she said that she gets off on winding him up - ok

When I see the texts are gone when previously they went on for weeks I think ok. The next few times I've seen the phone & texts present that relate to me then they've been deleted it has made me start to think that's all.

I don't mind if she needs to see others when I'm unable to get over to see her as long as I know then I can cope.

So is it trust? Or jealousy?

She is no longer on here as like has been said temptation may be too much. I can control myself & anyone of my friends that I've met & still meet for lunch or the occasional frolic I tell her about & she's fine with that too

Airing things on here - well you guys are all adults with feelings & appreciate your feedback. We do talk about things & I've said I'm posting on here as I don't hide anything (except my profile lol - no need for new temptations just yet & when we do hopefully it's as a couple

)

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

To be honest, if I had an online buddy who I met for sex now and then I wouldn't feel the need to check their phone and I sure wouldn't let them check mine !

If I was in an exclusive relationship with them then there would be no secrets, but if they kept checking my phone for text and vice versa then there is no trust there so it would be a non starter.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" This fem is very clearly taking the piss right out of you, she doesn't come across as being particularly lovely if she's doing this to you.

What if she thinks they are not an "item" and is doing what she is on this site for?"

We both know we've become an 'item' with each other & we're both realistic in that we were on here for sex. We both fulfil each others needs when we are together - families know about each other it's just we are 100 mile apart from each other at the moment

Like in said is ir a trust issue or jealousy on my side - I'm interested to understand the differences as jealousy is a new emotion to me if thats what it is.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

See above post

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

apologies .... you have JUST not long met on this site... entered into a relationship with each other..

which again, is nice and hope it works out for you both..

BUT YOU ARE CHECKING EACH OTHERS PHONES

am I mad or is that what you said ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They're just checking each others phones now, what will it be a few weeks down the line, handbags and pockets, full strip search ?

I think if that level of distrust exists at such an early point in a relationship, it can only get worse.

Maybe time to 'just be friends' ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have never been in a relationship where i've ever read anyones phone or anything else personal.

there's little trust there to even consider it acceptable behaviour...if there is anything either of you need to know, you should be discussing it...not looking for signs of it.

if trust is an issue, what must it be like for her. She left here and you're still on? Doesn't sound very exclusive to me.

As the saying goes, look for the devil and you will find it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You ask is it trust or jealousy....trust (lack of)....jealousy (caused by said lack of trust)

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"apologies .... you have JUST not long met on this site... entered into a relationship with each other..

which again, is nice and hope it works out for you both..

BUT YOU ARE CHECKING EACH OTHERS PHONES

am I mad or is that what you said ..."

This is the first time i have read this thread... and this is the first thing that sprang out to me....

why are you checking each others phones, what on earth happened to trust????

maybe if you guys are just starting out ... maybe it might be an idea for both of you to take a step back from this, if it is adding extra pressure.....

take time getting to know each other first.... then maybe come back.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes it is not intentional to check each others phones. If you hide your phone then it makes the other person wonder why, so it more of a case that we allow each other to see phones in terms of she can borrow mine to make a landline call and I can borrow hers to send txts... but in doing that we see each others call list and txt logs. I doubt it is as bad as checking the others phone as they leave for the toilet (I had a girl that did that once).

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"apologies .... you have JUST not long met on this site... entered into a relationship with each other..

which again, is nice and hope it works out for you both..

BUT YOU ARE CHECKING EACH OTHERS PHONES

am I mad or is that what you said ..."

And this is why I remain single!

I can't imagine being with someone and feeling the need to check their phone or have them check mine.

Jealousy isn't something I understand either. It's never been something I've felt unless it's over shoes.

I hope you find a solution but I'm fairly certain that if there's no trust in the beginning, then there's not a whole lot of hope for the future.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In all my time in a relationship (since mobiles have been around) my partner and I never felt the need or had the mistrust to check each others phones.

I'd still never think of going through a friend or family members phone unless it was a dire emergency.

Reading each others texts friends numbers etc. is in the same category as reading a personal diary or their mail.

To me what you have is an outward superficial show of trust to each other but not a deep and real feeling of trust, sorry, that's how it reads to me OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In all my time in a relationship (since mobiles have been around) my partner and I never felt the need or had the mistrust to check each others phones.

I'd still never think of going through a friend or family members phone unless it was a dire emergency.

Reading each others texts friends numbers etc. is in the same category as reading a personal diary or their mail.

To me what you have is an outward superficial show of trust to each other but not a deep and real feeling of trust, sorry, that's how it reads to me OP. "

My sentiments exactly!

The OP said they live 100 miles apart, so when they meet up they check phones instead of catching up?!!

She's using the site in the way it's intended, sorry OP, it seems to me that you want exclusive rights and she doesn't.

If you met via this site I don't think posting about her is the wisest move - but that's just my opinion.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

My sentiments exactly!

The OP said they live 100 miles apart, so when they meet up they check phones instead of catching up?!!

She's using the site in the way it's intended, sorry OP, it seems to me that you want exclusive rights and she doesn't.

If you met via this site I don't think posting about her is the wisest move - but that's just my opinion."

i think the irony is that she left the site, and probably in her own head worked out there was a problem... but man stayed thinking of his own labido still meeting people... and then asked us if there is a problem...

I know which to me looks like they are taking the "relationship" seriously.... and I know OP is not going to take this well.... it's not you!!

Relationship being a loose term since there is not one without trust.. and if you are looking at each others phones there is none of that going on at all....

shouldn't you really be having this conversation with her?

because you met "here" it is putting extra pressure on the whole thing....

she took a step back from the place, I would honestly suggest doing the same if you want it to work.....

just because you met at two single swingers, it doesn't mean you are good swinging "together" as such........

take the time to find out, and then come back if it does work

playing devils advocate, if the situation was the other way around OP, where you had been the one taking the step back, and she had been galivanting off still meeting people, how bad do you think that would look or feel.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It doesnt appear to be a lovey dovey new relationship to me. Maybe she just wants to have you as a regular fuck buddy but still keep her hand in so to speak as a single woman on the swinging scene.

Im not keen on the use of the words "she teases me" , thats not teasing, its deliberately hurting you by making you jealous - not really very nice. If shes texting other guys and "teasing" them too it just says rings alarm bells to me. What would the reaction be if you "teased" her by messaging another woman on here and arranging a meet.

And dont get into the whole phone checking thing, I personally would try and chill and not take it too seriously at the minute - just relax and see how it goes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't even drem about opening Mrs Red's handbag, let alone look through her phone.

She'll tell me 'get my purse (or phone) it's in my handbag' but do I do it ? No ! I bring the bag to her ... that's just the way I am. I have no need nor desire to rummage through anything which is her personal stuff ..

It's called trust - 101% trust

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You met on here yes so you know waht each other is into have you sat down and talked about the bounderies of your relationship. Ie are you still playing as singles or couples once swinging its very hard to come out of it. So set some rules and work it out does she know how uncomfortable you feel one thing about swinging is comunication.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In all my time in a relationship (since mobiles have been around) my partner and I never felt the need or had the mistrust to check each others phones.

I'd still never think of going through a friend or family members phone unless it was a dire emergency.

Reading each others texts friends numbers etc. is in the same category as reading a personal diary or their mail.

To me what you have is an outward superficial show of trust to each other but not a deep and real feeling of trust, sorry, that's how it reads to me OP. "

Agree. Checking phones? same as checking mail. Wierd.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

............."I never got jealous before & now I think I am &'it sucks

One of my ex's was an escort & apart from her safety it never bothered me as I knew she was coming back to me!".....

Reading your original post sounds like you are scared she may not come back one day. Personally I would not want to continue this relationship if I felt this way.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ok - as expected assumptions being made & i asked about jealousy not is it right to read phones etc

I'm totally open as per OP I have nothing to hide from her - my profile is hidden & I'm still here because I like to keep in touch with my friends & enjoy the forums. She knows that & is fine with it.

I can be exclusive, faithfully married for 19 years! I know she isn't being totally exclusive & again like I said If it's in the open I can handle it as I don't really do the jealousy bit

I don't go out to 'check her phone out' we have used each others phones from time to time & we both take intimate pics on them & show each other (don't send mms just in case we send to wrong person - seen it happen! Blutooth far safer)

Thanks for the comments even though some are assumptive & inaccurate it's given me things to think about.

Mind you I can understand why people say you need balls to post on here lol - good job I've got thick skin hehe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

er, just a little add to this firstly she knows your on here using forums etc etc whats stopping her from creating antoher account to _iews your now public opinions ? seems abit strange you would use this as a sorta help thread when from i can gather shes using you. or do u secretly want her to see this and maybe gain abit of sympathy as for the checking of phones hmmm my last thoughts are to quote a line from dads army YOUR DOOMED just being honest here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you considered that the texts she is 'hiding' from you have been deleted because she knows you'll look at her phone and she knows you're not altogether happy about her flirtations with other men. Far simpler to flirt and delete, but that has opened another can of worms because you think she's keeping something from you - and she is, your pain.

Take a leap of faith and tell her you no longer wish to check her phone (but tell her she can still check yours to allay any grumblings of doubt on her part as to "why does he suddenly want to stop checking phones, what's he hiding then?"). This way you save yourself a whole heap of grief, and you send the message to her that you are starting to trust her a lot more and feel a lot more secure in your relationship.

... then I'm afraid you have to walk the walk and start believing it.

If she's still seeing other guys without you knowing about it then you soon will as the truth is like an air bubble - it always finds it way to the surface somehow.

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