FabSwingers.com forum: lost a fabber due to abuse

By *azziel2008 OP Man
over a year ago

Deal

This site has just lost a beautiful woman due to one guy on here calling her an "ugly cow" and a "dirty old whore" men like this make fab a hard place to be for both the honest guy and sensitive women . What can we do about this ? Options would be appreciated.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Block messages from people without verifications reduces those kind of messages a lot... I doubt many trolls have verifications

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

sadly these things happen, albeit often people are given one side of a story but in saying that, any abuse is unacceptable.

people shouldn't let others spoil their fun on here.

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By *ickawitchCouple
over a year ago

Away with the fairies (Liverpool to you)

Message filters, block and report.....no need to leave the site just use it in a way that works for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thicker skin needed. Arseholes in all walks of life, if 1 guy being rude is enough to make her leave, then probably not cut out for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sadly you will always get son people who behave like that, block move on x

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

I expect she had a zillion compliments as well,shame she couldn't put that into comparison before deciding to leave

Apart from reporting abuse and understanding that the Internet is an anonymous platform for nutters then there's not a lot you can do,it's how it is

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

who left?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately it happens and like you OP I cannot abide men like this "keyboard warriors". We all get knock backs but there is just no need to be rude and abusive about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This site has just lost a beautiful woman due to one guy on here calling her an "ugly cow" and a "dirty old whore" men like this make fab a hard place to be for both the honest guy and sensitive women . What can we do about this ? Options would be appreciated."

Careful I was put on the naughty step for commenting on nasty people a few days ago. Block report and all that which is all well and good but the comments already been said at that point. Think fab can be very tough at times,fortunately the good ones make it worthwhile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go into any full room and say 'hands up if you've ever been called a name', and all hands will go up.

We've all been called names at some point or another, the difference is in how much power you give the namecaller. You either regard them as all powerful and put them in control of your life and get depressed about it or you just say 'who gives a flying shite what they think' and move on.

ANY name you get called is EXACTLY the same as being called a 'silly sausage', it's just words coming out of someone's mouth, that is all. So, next time you get called a name, just remember they called you a silly sausage.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thicker skin needed. Arseholes in all walks of life, if 1 guy being rude is enough to make her leave, then probably not cut out for it.

This.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"Thicker skin needed. Arseholes in all walks of life, if 1 guy being rude is enough to make her leave, then probably not cut out for it.

This."

and she will be back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank goodness for the white knights. They make Fab so great.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Go into any full room and say 'hands up if you've ever been called a name', and all hands will go up.

I like this philosophy

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By *aneandpaulCouple
over a year ago

cleveleys

Just got to live with it it goes with the course we run on here i get called it look at my picks do i look like a fat ugly cow but get called it by small men with even smaller cocks

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By *azziel2008 OP Man
over a year ago

Deal

Thank you all for your words I will show her this thread in person when I see her and see if I I can get her back on here , with your support I think she will find what you all seem to have . Thanks again and keep this thread running if you can .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All the same no need for abusive behaviour

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thicker skin needed. Arseholes in all walks of life, if 1 guy being rude is enough to make her leave, then probably not cut out for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm pretty lucky and don't get many abusive messages, either that or they get auto deleted before I see them!

The complimentary & just plain weird ones outway the nasty for sure.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"All the same no need for abusive behaviour"

no there isn't, but more often than not it is one side of events that is posted and people comment. Although, it has been known when both parties commented on the same thread and the outcome was completely different to the OP.

now they have been funny

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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago

Catthorpe

"I expect she had a zillion compliments as well,shame she couldn't put that into comparison before deciding to leave

Apart from reporting abuse and understanding that the Internet is an anonymous platform for nutters then there's not a lot you can do,it's how it is"

Exactly this.

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By *lorious hole bs16Man
over a year ago

Bristol

I think one of the hardest things to deal with, for lots of people, is rejection in its many forms..

It is a fact of life..jobs lovers

etc..Marlon Brando once said,if he walked into a room of 100 people and 99 liked him,he could only think about the one who didn't. .As others have implied,ignore/delete/forget and move on.

Having said that people rarely give the real reasons for leaving.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's disappointing that people need to act like that but sadly trolls are prevalent across the web - pretty much any forum you join will have its fair share of them.

Like others have said, a thick skin is required - if everyone left after online abuse this site would hardly have any members.

It's not easy but if everyone could just laugh off the trolls, block and ignore them then this site, and many others, would be a lot more enjoyable for most users!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People come, people go. Sorry to be harsh but not gonna lose sleep over one person leaving whatever the reason

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"Thicker skin needed. Arseholes in all walks of life, if 1 guy being rude is enough to make her leave, then probably not cut out for it.

This.

and she will be back

yep.... if she takes that much offence to one, as opposed to the positives of many... i don't think it says great things about her!

so am i being the anti white knight now....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not nice when someone says jog on fatty,or I only asked you because I'm desperate. I laughed and ignored,but not everyone can,regardless of how many flattering compliments they may get. I did nothing but say no thank you to deserve my negative comments. I don't blame her for leaving,we join to find kindred spirits,make friends and enjoy ourselves,not to be targets for embittered sad cases. She may just have thought oh fuck this,this isn't what I signed up for and pressed delete account.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She neede a thicker skin. The sad reality is that there will always be abusive idiots on a site like this and filters only reduce tnot eliminate that

To be honest if tge opinion of a spiteful stranger bothers you that much this probably isn't the best site to be on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thicker skin needed. Arseholes in all walks of life, if 1 guy being rude is enough to make her leave, then probably not cut out for it.

This.

and she will be back

yep.... if she takes that much offence to one, as opposed to the positives of many... i don't think it says great things about her!

so am i being the anti white knight now....

I fear you have been here too long Fabio. Leaving because of a bad comment could be a sign of I'm better than this,I'm going to find my enjoyment elsewhere,where they act like adults. I have a place like that,it's very nice. I stay here why? Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment or like reading the forums and laughing at people (because I secretly feel I'm better than them) or maybe the sex balances out the negativity on here. Either way you have judged her on one comment

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

Grrr.... just Who left ? please

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The sad reality is some men don't like rejection,assuming she rejected him. I've heard of people receiving abusive messages from people they haven't spoken to. Jealousy maybe? Either way the environment here isn't always the most welcoming. It can be tiresome.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Grrr.... just Who left ? please"

You probably don't know her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The day I allow a complete stranger on the Internet calling me names bother me in even the tiniest bit, will be the day I decide to spend the entire rest of my life under a blanket because someone I neither know, nor care about their opinion of me might look at me a bit funny...

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Words typed on a screen written by a total stranger will never bother me in the slightest. Why would they?

They've never met me, know nothing about me and I give less than zero fucks for their opinion of me.

Any twat can punch a few keys and come up with random insults and abuse. It makes no difference to my life in the slightest.

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

......

jog on fatty

.....

If someone said that to me, I would take it as good advise

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

......

jog on fatty

.....

If someone said that to me, I would take it as good advise

I wasn't sure if he was trying to give me some good advice to be honest

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Words typed on a screen written by a total stranger will never bother me in the slightest. Why would they?

They've never met me, know nothing about me and I give less than zero fucks for their opinion of me.

Any twat can punch a few keys and come up with random insults and abuse. It makes no difference to my life in the slightest.

I guess the women with the biggest ego's cry the loudest when some guy doesn't fall at their feet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Harden the f**k up....that's about the only answer.

Works well across all walks of life too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I seriously doubt her life is any the worse for ditching fab.

judging by the forums, not many people you'd want to have a drink with.

Mainly white van drivers and a bunch of fat dinner ladies all talking about body parts/ functions, person above and tv programmes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Grrr.... just Who left ? please"

Call me a cynic but I'm not sure anyone did

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 04/07/15 11:23:13]

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

"I seriously doubt her life is any the worse for ditching fab.

judging by the forums, not many people you'd want to have a drink with.

Mainly white van drivers and a bunch of fat dinner ladies all talking about body parts/ functions, person above and tv programmes.

Oooo you old charmer you

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"I seriously doubt her life is any the worse for ditching fab.

judging by the forums, not many people you'd want to have a drink with.

Mainly white van drivers and a bunch of fat dinner ladies all talking about body parts/ functions, person above and tv programmes.

Oooo you old charmer you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Message filters, block and report.....no need to leave the site just use it in a way that works for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We often get up to 60 messages in one evening and at least 6 have left the site by the next day !

OK mos are men but Iit happens .

If the lady who left was so fragile that a bit of abuse caused her to leave then that's a shame .

But she should be thicker skinned and delete and block before it got to her .

We all get a bit of abuse , it's the nature of the beast . The ability to treat it with the contempt it deserves is the solution , not to try and stop it .

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By *ordonBennettMan
over a year ago

dover

"The day I allow a complete stranger on the Internet calling me names bother me in even the tiniest bit, will be the day I decide to spend the entire rest of my life under a blanket because someone I neither know, nor care about their opinion of me might look at me a bit funny..."

This is music to my ears and some small proof that the bad guys don't actually ruin it for the "genuine" guys....that tired old fallacy.

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By *imjohnCouple
over a year ago

Clacton on sea, Essex

This is a sex site so among the nice people you will also get those fit for the gutter...ignore/block/report and carry on x.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Toughen up and thank them, for showing what they are really like and giving them a good laugh at their expense. Its childish behaviour and words on a screen that's all.

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By *uniperjuiceMan
over a year ago

East Midlands

[Removed by poster at 04/07/15 11:32:11]

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By *uncpl2015Couple
over a year ago

Bridgend Area

Sadly it happens. Usually people that join expecting to have others falling at their feet to meet them. Then they get told no thanks..and the ugliest dirtiest thing they have ever seen and they would never want to meet you anyway. Thicker skin needed. Say no thanks and block immediately saves all the shit tbh..not all like it but alot more than there should be that's for sure.

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By *uniperjuiceMan
over a year ago

East Midlands

If everyone blocks people without verifications then no-one new will ever get verifications and the site will die.

"Toughen up" isn't an adequate response though. It encourages hostility and nastiness to thrive, and shows little understanding of people who are sensitive or vulnerable or not thick-skinned. This site isn't only for pachyderms.

Sympathies for those who've been offended by this sort of thing. Hope blocking people after they've offended will be adequate. There has to be a better way than blocking people before they've done anything wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If everyone blocks people without verifications then no-one new will ever get verifications and the site will die.

Blocking people with no veris doesn't exclusively block people with no meet veris, you can still message if you are photo verified only.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If everyone blocks people without verifications then no-one new will ever get verifications and the site will die.

Blocking people with no veris doesn't exclusively block people with no meet veris, you can still message if you are photo verified only."

Yep, I now block no veris and people who've been on the site less than 7 days and the abusive and UNLOS within 10 mins messages have dropped off to pretty much nil.

Someone told me that was harsh. I don't think it's that harsh that if someone really wants to message me they can just come back next week and do the photo verification thing. They also have the option to just pass me by and message someone else.

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By *andom2chatMan
over a year ago

A Galaxy Far, Far Away & Spain

"Blocking people with no veris doesn't exclusively block people with no meet veris, you can still message if you are photo verified only."

Am I understanding this correctly - You can still message people that blocked you if you're Photo Verified? Doesn't seem right. Surely if you Block someone that's them Blocked?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Blocking people with no veris doesn't exclusively block people with no meet veris, you can still message if you are photo verified only.

Am I understanding this correctly - You can still message people that blocked you if you're Photo Verified? Doesn't seem right. Surely if you Block someone that's them Blocked? "

If you use the filter to block unverified people.

If you individually block that person, they're blocked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Blocking people with no veris doesn't exclusively block people with no meet veris, you can still message if you are photo verified only.

Am I understanding this correctly - You can still message people that blocked you if you're Photo Verified? Doesn't seem right. Surely if you Block someone that's them Blocked? "

Blocking an individual means they can never message you. Blocking non verified people in your message filters is what the poster was referring to, I believe.

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By *andom2chatMan
over a year ago

A Galaxy Far, Far Away & Spain

"Am I understanding this correctly - You can still message people that blocked you if you're Photo Verified? Doesn't seem right. Surely if you Block someone that's them Blocked?

Blocking an individual means they can never message you. Blocking non verified people in your message filters is what the poster was referring to, I believe."

Ahh... got it now.

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

I morph into an ugly, fat cow within seconds of saying "no thanks"

What I find amazing is that although I am ugly, how do they know that since I have no facial photographs on my profile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I morph into an ugly, fat cow within seconds of saying "no thanks"

What I find amazing is that although I am ugly, how do they know that since I have no facial photographs on my profile

Easy, the same way they knew you were stunning and the most beautiful woman on the site before you said no

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

"I morph into an ugly, fat cow within seconds of saying "no thanks"

What I find amazing is that although I am ugly, how do they know that since I have no facial photographs on my profile

Easy, the same way they knew you were stunning and the most beautiful woman on the site before you said no

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I seriously doubt her life is any the worse for ditching fab.

judging by the forums, not many people you'd want to have a drink with.

Mainly white van drivers and a bunch of fat dinner ladies all talking about body parts/ functions, person above and tv programmes.

Oooo you old charmer you

Oi I was not a fucking dinner lady thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I seriously doubt her life is any the worse for ditching fab.

judging by the forums, not many people you'd want to have a drink with.

Mainly white van drivers and a bunch of fat dinner ladies all talking about body parts/ functions, person above and tv programmes.

Which are you? I'm none of the above

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

These type of messages often come after a rejection, I had 1 last night after I wouldn't agree to a coffee meet, and then man wonder why they don't get a polite no thank you, it's because when we give a polite no thanks we then get the abuse

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By *uited staffs guyMan
over a year ago

staffordshire

I think whether you give a polite no thanks or not unfortunately fab, and probably humanity in general, has a minority that don't cope with certain things well

A subsection of men on here just can't take rejection, which given the ratios I'm afraid is to a degree inevitable

It's also inevitable though for the women and couples on here who get so many messages that they will get some from idiots, potentially insulting ones

Both the single men and the women and couples on here have to have a bit of a thick skin, because those idiots ate out there, rejection is out there etc, there genuinely is no way to prevent it unless you know what someone's going to say and can prophylactically block them!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

About 50% of the men i say no to on here hit back wth some pathetic little insult about my looks or my personality. It's really not just the unverified ones! But what do i care? I know what i look like and who i am and if a stranger wants to call me names, go for it! Zero f*cks given!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank goodness for the white knights. They make Fab so great.

Yes they put back the smile back on peoples faces here .

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