FabSwingers.com forum: Possibly the end is looming

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

My wife has been thinking about stopping swinging for a little while. She enjoyed our last club weekend but has decided that's it for her now.

This I fully respect.

She has, however, made a real point of saying she doesn't want to stop me being me, as in Rachael. She also wants me to continue to go to clubs to play. She loves the change in me since I've unburied my sexuality.

The problem is this; I feel it's wrong. Unfair for me to continue.

I think at the very least, I shouldn't play with women anymore.

I really want to continue as Rachael; I love the fun she brings to my life completely aside from sex.

I'm reluctant to put a lid on exploring myself with men but I don't know that it's fair of me to do so considering she is no longer doing it.

We will be talking at length on this but I also value the input from my fellow fabbers.

Thoughts, advice and guidance please xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My wife has been thinking about stopping swinging for a little while. She enjoyed our last club weekend but has decided that's it for her now.

This I fully respect.

The problem is this; I feel it's wrong. Unfair for me to continue.

I think at the very least, I shouldn't play with women anymore.

I really want to continue as Rachael; I love the fun she brings to my life completely aside from sex.

I'm reluctant to put a lid on exploring myself with men but I don't know that it's fair of me to do so considering she is no longer doing it.

We will be talking at length on this but I also value the input from my fellow fabbers.

Thoughts, advice and guidance please xxx"

I think your answer is in your post? Maybe take a break for a while. And if you feel its wrong to play with women then trust your instincts. Great you can talk to each other!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I've suggested a break but she is pretty adamant that's not what she wants.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It would be awful for one half of a couple to stop and tell the other half they have to stop - very considerate of our wife to say you carry on - why noy involve her by suggesting she joins in with messages and phone calls only? and you meet and tell her all about it? m x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hard to say without hearing your partners views from herself but if I was in your position I would have a break for a while to talk things through and enjoy each other for a while. Obviously it's a concern

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I sometimes wish she would come on here to chat with others who have swung. It's not something she shares with friends so I'm the only person she can share her thoughts with.

I find these forums very helpful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I sometimes wish she would come on here to chat with others who have swung. It's not something she shares with friends so I'm the only person she can share her thoughts with.

I find these forums very helpful. "

Plenty just come on for the chat with people they have had a lot in common with ? For some this is enough and can be fun ?

And maybe she will really enjoy it once ( forgive the pun !) she gets in the swing of things !

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I sometimes wish she would come on here to chat with others who have swung. It's not something she shares with friends so I'm the only person she can share her thoughts with.

I find these forums very helpful.

Plenty just come on for the chat with people they have had a lot in common with ? For some this is enough and can be fun ?

And maybe she will really enjoy it once ( forgive the pun !) she gets in the swing of things !

It's a dislike of computers really. She really enjoyed the swinging. She just says she doesn't want to fuck other guys any more. Just wants me. Fantasies all ticked off so she doesn't want to. Fair enough

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm in a similar situation. My hubby decided he no longer wanted to be involved in meeting anymore but didn't want to stop me. The majority of the time I was meeting on my own anyway but there's certainly some guilt there for me that I'm meeting and he's not. It's great you've got such a supportive wife and it sounds like she genuinely is happy for you to continue. After having time away, I've noticed hubby has started to take a bit more interest again coming on here and reading my messages etc. I'm happy to let him go at his own pace and suggest your wife might do a similar thing. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would she go along to clubs just socially? As moral support for you but her not playing?

Talk and talk as others have said. Find something you are both comfortable with. x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Would she go along to clubs just socially? As moral support for you but her not playing?

Talk and talk as others have said. Find something you are both comfortable with. x"

She might. I remember our first trip to a club, chams in Birmingham. She said she only wanted to perform oral as I took her from behind. Once there she was soon leading me and another fella to a room to have sex with us both.

I think she knows if she went to a club she'd play and just doesn't want to create the opportunity. That's sort of what happened last visit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi Rachael. For me it's all about balance. As long as she consents to you doing what you're doing, and as long as she is informed about it, and others can get her permission via a phone call or a social... then you're good to go imo. The only issue then is the issue you bring up of how to redress the balance. Here is where the fun starts. Time to sit down and get your wife to scan her non-sexual fantasies for some kind of forfeit which might redress the balance. Perhaps she's always wanted to canoe up the Amazon with her female friends... perhaps she'd like to go out for karaoke evenings... try and find something that you can support her in helping her achieve and I think you'll have found some sort of balance between you again.

But remember to revisit the issue from time to time... just to make sure she's still ok with it and isn't just putting on a brave face

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would she go along to clubs just socially? As moral support for you but her not playing?

Talk and talk as others have said. Find something you are both comfortable with. x

I think she knows if she went to a club she'd play and just doesn't want to create the opportunity. That's sort of what happened last visit. "

Perhaps she doesn't want to swing 'in the cold light of day' but enjoys it when she's in that situation. She needs to be happy the majority of the time as that's life. So that would be the non-swinging side that wins. Not sure if that makes sense...!

Probably no help at all sorry.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hi Rachael. For me it's all about balance. As long as she consents to you doing what you're doing, and as long as she is informed about it, and others can get her permission via a phone call or a social... then you're good to go imo. The only issue then is the issue you bring up of how to redress the balance. Here is where the fun starts. Time to sit down and get your wife to scan her non-sexual fantasies for some kind of forfeit which might redress the balance. Perhaps she's always wanted to canoe up the Amazon with her female friends... perhaps she'd like to go out for karaoke evenings... try and find something that you can support her in helping her achieve and I think you'll have found some sort of balance between you again.

But remember to revisit the issue from time to time... just to make sure she's still ok with it and isn't just putting on a brave face

Hi and thank you. That's a great suggestion, although karaoke is my thing not hers! Lol.

I'll certainly suggest we seek something for her to redress the balance.

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By *irceWoman
over a year ago

Gloucester

Short life so enjoy it...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

My thoughts exactly.

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

It sounds like she has lost her flow, but is happy for you to continue. What would be sensible is for you two to have a good understanding of potential needs, guilt, intimacy (if if changes), if she actually wants to hear text messages or phones going off... You dont want to spoil a relationship for fucking around.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You're exactly right there. She's way too important to ever lose. I tried living without her once. Never again. That's why we married. Realised just how strong our feelings are.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Good luck Rachel .. Never say never x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you. I hope she renews her interest as I love sharing.

I'm not going to push her at all though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A strong, honest and positive line of communication sounds the true resolution - which it sounds like you're already doing.

I'm sure emotions and instincts, when discussed, will help guide your behaviour and possibilities of guilt.

Good luck, you sound stronger than most couples that I have encountered, as in equal and upfront.

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

I think this entires post just goes to show the deep love, respect, openness and trust you and your wife have for each other. So lovely to read about

I'm afraid it's not a position I've been in so I can't offer much advice beyond perhaps have a temporary break and keep communicating well over the issue till you decided what to do or your conscience is put at ease that she is fully happy with your being who you are sexually and continuing alone.

Best of luck to you both whatever the future holds for you

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you. We like to think we are.

I preach communication often enough on the forums. It's the key for us. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aww Rachel it's a dilemma but I'm sure you will come to the right decision based on love, respect and the mutual need for you and your lovely wife to be happy.

As others have said talk, talk and talk some more. Big hug xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Luckily, I'm quite good at reading her so hopefully I'll be able to tell if she's changing her mind about me going out.

Like I said originally, it's me who's feeling a bit odd about it. It just seems a bit wrong for me to do this if she's not.

I've gone to clubs and not agreed to play before only for her to say that's a pointless night. If I go I should play.

Admittedly, as I'm sure many of you know, I don't just go out for sex. Quite a few trips out are to meet my Domme and she ties and beats me.

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

Can she still go to clubs even tho she doesnt want to play ? some people surely go for social too or just to watch ? Maybe take a break perhaps she just wants you for a while or infact no sex at all.

if she has lost libido get her to go Doc and get a blood test for low thyroid as this kills desire. meds needed.

hope it works out for you .

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" Can she still go to clubs even tho she doesnt want to play ? some people surely go for social too or just to watch ? Maybe take a break perhaps she just wants you for a while or infact no sex at all.

if she has lost libido get her to go Doc and get a blood test for low thyroid as this kills desire. meds needed.

hope it works out for you ."

She's certainly not lost her libido. I can confirm that's very healthy

I was asked earlier about her just coming along but not to play. She does enjoy watching me, particularly with men in male mode. She ends up playing though and that's not what she wants so she probably won't come along now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just my tuppenceworth, I've not met either of you. Other than the random stuff you comment on in the forums, this is my first insight into your lives.

Talk. Share. Keep talking, keep sharing.

Never go against your conscience or moral compass.

It sounds like your relationship is strong and deep and full of mutual respect and love.

That makes it pretty special.

Lots to be learnt from you both.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Just my tuppenceworth, I've not met either of you. Other than the random stuff you comment on in the forums, this is my first insight into your lives.

Talk. Share. Keep talking, keep sharing.

Never go against your conscience or moral compass.

It sounds like your relationship is strong and deep and full of mutual respect and love.

That makes it pretty special.

Lots to be learnt from you both.

Thank you.

And yes; most of what I post is random and mostly bollocks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just my tuppenceworth, I've not met either of you. Other than the random stuff you comment on in the forums, this is my first insight into your lives.

Talk. Share. Keep talking, keep sharing.

Never go against your conscience or moral compass.

It sounds like your relationship is strong and deep and full of mutual respect and love.

That makes it pretty special.

Lots to be learnt from you both.

Thank you.

And yes; most of what I post is random and mostly bollocks

It's usually funny bollocks though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be honest and open with her!

If she's happy for you to continue, do so if it's what you want as well.

Maybe she will return soon enough!

Best of luck to you both xx

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By *obbobeanMan
over a year ago

dagenham

Rachel you are so lucky to be in such a loving open relationship and if I was wearing one I'd take my hat off to your wife. It's plain to see you love and RESPECT each other very much. The advice I'd like to give you is keep your Rachel (you look fabulous by the way) persona and let her out to play with your darling wife's consent xx

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