FabSwingers.com forum: Does posting verifications set a benchmark??

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Afternoon

I started chatting to someone recently who then felt they didn't match up to those I'd met before as seen through the verification.

Question is....

Are the verifications seen as a benchmark or is it just case of someone else's self esteem

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitely unfortunately.

Some assume that because of who you may have met in the past that they are not your "type" or not as "hot" "fit" "attractive" etc.

Assumptions are the mother of all fuck ups....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

With verifications, you can't win really at times. You either have too many, not enough, met the 'wrong' type or it's assumed that you only meet a certain type.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Surely someone's allowed an 'FA Cup' moment ie minnow playing with someone in the Premier League

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I've been guilty of reading veries then thinking why would they be interested in me? .You can't please all,if you don't show them people are wary and if people think you have too many they won't meet .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The one verification you have may someone uncomfortable if that's not the kind of scenario they'd enjoy. It is of course entirely possible that they were letting you down gently!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tillup4funMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

"I've been guilty of reading veries then thinking why would they be interested in me? .You can't please all,if you don't show them people are wary and if people think you have too many they won't meet ."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *itTVlondonTV/TS
over a year ago

London

show them, hide them but you can never (totally) ignore them

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My veris have all come from right mingers. I set my standards very low and fail to achieve them.

No offence to my previous exploits intended

You all know I'm not right in the head just amazing in bed

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The one verification you have may someone uncomfortable if that's not the kind of scenario they'd enjoy. It is of course entirely possible that they were letting you down gently!"

Numerous emails between us and then they mentioned the veri. Just asked a genuine question of others and indeed to see if showing/hiding is now a good idea

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Definitely unfortunately.

Some assume that because of who you may have met in the past that they are not your "type" or not as "hot" "fit" "attractive" etc.

Assumptions are the mother of all fuck ups...."

I do it all the time

I've turned down loads of guys I'd love to meet because I have felt I am not upto the standards of their previous meets

Stupid I know but hey ho

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've hidden my good ones and just showing my one funny one. It made me laugh when she sent it and yesterday I thought, what the hell. I guess you could call it a social experiment. I thought it would be interesting to see how it effected my luck in this crazy place!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

All the people who have verified me have undoubtedly met people way hotter than me on some form of hotness scale. I wasn't meeting those people though, so it makes no difference. And is also why I don't read veris of those I want to meet.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've talked myself out of meets like this because I didn't want to be a disappointment or something they'd settle for.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've talked myself out of meets like this because I didn't want to be a disappointment or something they'd settle for."

I do that all the time

When I've looked at some of the women they have met I think...what the hells he's mailed me for is this a joke

Problem is I tend to end up meeting guys I don't really want to meet because I convince myself all the guys I do want to meet won't like me

Mental really

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

If you get one that hints that you're crap in the sack and the user would prefer others to take you off their hands, then it's probably not going to do you much help. But, veris add an extra dimension to a 2 dimensional written profile. Overall, I think they help but will sometimes hinder.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've talked myself out of meets like this because I didn't want to be a disappointment or something they'd settle for.

I do that all the time

When I've looked at some of the women they have met I think...what the hells he's mailed me for is this a joke

Problem is I tend to end up meeting guys I don't really want to meet because I convince myself all the guys I do want to meet won't like me

Mental really"

I just end up barely meeting because I won't meet the ones I don't really want to meet either

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I found the verification idea a real bonus over other similar sites.

You at least have a good idea that the person really exists, which other sites don't have. There are dozens of threads here about "fake" profiles. Try searching a site that doesn't have a verification system if you want to see how many there are out there.

Fab verifications is what pretty much made my decision to join.

Only then did I realise what a poisoned chalice it could be.

Some people don't meet members with no verifications but the only way to get one is interact with someone who has one. Can be a Catch 22.

No verifications is seen as a fake or a timewaster. Too many verifications and you're fucking your way through the site.

You joined yesterday and got a verification the same day, definately dodgy.

You've been here six months and not had a meet, you're not serious.

Hidden verification, are you ashamed to show it?

You've met with so and so, I don't like that person so I won't meet you.

You've met three blondes, you won't meet me, I'm a brunette.

You simply cannot win, you can only run your profile your way and hope for the best.

Here's how I run mine;

They fall into two groups, social and intimate.

Intimate are between me and the writer so I'd keep them private.

Social are exactly that, a meet for a chat and a coffee etc.

So I show my socials. All they do is validate that there's a real person behind the profile, that I turn up when and where I've agreed and I look like the person in my profile gallery.

If other people don't like it not much I can do about it so no point worrying about it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We show all our verifications out of vanity! Lol we are kidding

Lots get said about verifications, too many, none, the wrong people blah blah blah if you choose to show them or not is entirely an individual's decision, so why really do we show ours? Well, we host at a club and we like to play too, it shows we are genuine swingers and not here just to entice people to the club unlike others

it also works as additional reviews for our club night, everybody on here has there own opinion of verifications and its a useful tool on the site, what we cannot abide is the verification snobs those that don't want them you say hello you notice no verifications after a year on the site and get the answer "oh we have had loads of meets, just don't want people knowing our business" lying or not puts us off, use the site as it was meant to be used x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We show all our verifications out of vanity! Lol we are kidding

Surely there is no "as it was meant to be used", that's for the individual to decide?

I don't and will never display any of my veris except for the summary because, guess what, I don't like people knowing my business!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I found it is best to have one verification displayed. I would say most consider it the benchmark.

Weird story Last year I displayed a new verification and a women I had met with months earlier went on the war path about me meeting a particular women. I was sent abuse on here and then on my phone then I was blocked. Some serious nut jobs on here made me feel uncomfortable about accommodating strangers. Csb

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ilmiss75Woman
over a year ago

Thornton

For me, i only take note of the 'met in person' verifications. It shows me that the person has actually turned up to planned meets.

As for what it says... Doesnt really mean much.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It could be that a benchmark has been set , but that's not a bad thing is it ?

If by displaying a veri from a hottie it deters those with low self esteem then don't display it until you have a good mix to show . This way you won't put anyone off .

We love veri's and proudly display quite a few of ours , and don't really care if anyone is put off . If they are we wouldn't want to meet them anyway

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We show all our verifications out of vanity! Lol we are kidding

I get put off people who decide that everyone should do the same thing.

I don't hide the fact I don't like the system and never will however I don't expect or need others to agree with me I expect them to use the site how it works best for them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We show all our verifications out of vanity! Lol we are kidding

I get put off people who decide that everyone should do the same thing.

I don't hide the fact I don't like the system and never will however I don't expect or need others to agree with me I expect them to use the site how it works best for them. "

And we like the system too , as the poster you quoted says , there are many reasons it works . It's a great way to meet like minded people and if nothing else , it certainly proves you meet and are on here for that reason .

I didn't really see anything to suggest that they said anything to put anyone off ?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's all a bit self congratulatory sometimes isn't it. Feeds people's egos.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I must admit to turning men down because I get the why would they want to meet me feeling a lot

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A think veris can go either way and a persons perception of you can be varied, fortunately we have had some amazing meets and get great veris, although we was called an "S&M" couple because I was showing someone how to spank... That lead to someone saying we was to hardcore for them ... Us hardcore??

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Understanding the opinions in this thread means that I rarely show my verifications: it feels too much like showing off

I'd rather be taken at face value, then have my verifications there to verify me should someone want to see them.

But that's the good thing about the verification system: we don't have to argue about how it should work because it's flexible enough for everyone to use in a way that suits them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do think they're helpful insomuch as knowing you're chatting to someone who will actually turn up. I also like having the choice to display what you want when you want, including the summary. That's as much stock as I put in them really. They are fun to give and receive but I'd never judge myself against others, so not a benchmark for me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When it comes to play time for us if not seeing a regular and looking elsewhere our free time is limited, so we tend to pick people who have verifications and look up for fun, if we have a look at a profile and say it's over a year with one veri (shown or just summary) we question if they are ever going to meet? If they've only had one meet, or thru are lying? we like veris (shown or just summary) as we can ascertain if they are likely to meet quickly with no hassle x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

"Definitely unfortunately.

Some assume that because of who you may have met in the past that they are not your "type" or not as "hot" "fit" "attractive" etc.

Assumptions are the mother of all fuck ups...."

they are a good indication of a good meet, but people can feel one of two ways - either intimidated or whoo and eventually found someone worth meeting.

Either way, if you find their profile attractive, a message is a message.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I must admit to turning men down because I get the why would they want to meet me feeling a lot

Me too

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *BW100Couple
over a year ago

Suffolk/Norfolk border

We like to read verifications & you can usually tell a guys preference in women from who has verified him but as well everyone will only display the good ones.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"With verifications, you can't win really at times. You either have too many, not enough, met the 'wrong' type or it's assumed that you only meet a certain type.

Better off just hiding them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They don't make much difference to me. If someone only had verifications from young,hot-bodied women and he asked to meet me,I'd be happy to meet. He may like a bit of old,flabby body for a change

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We show all our verifications out of vanity! Lol we are kidding

I get put off people who decide that everyone should do the same thing.

I don't hide the fact I don't like the system and never will however I don't expect or need others to agree with me I expect them to use the site how it works best for them. "

I don't like the veri system but lots of people do which is cool.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had a guy message who I would have loved to have met but his veri was a size ten gym godess with almost a six pack so no I didn't meet him. Clearly I am nothing like his previous meet

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I think it's great, because if someone doesn't have the confidence to strut their stuff AFTER I've shown genuine interest in them then I'd rather not meet them...one of the biggest turn ons for me is confidence in yourself...just oozes sex appeal, I do t want to spend a meet convincing someone I find them hot, I wanna grab be grabbed and ravished!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally I think it's great, because if someone doesn't have the confidence to strut their stuff AFTER I've shown genuine interest in them then I'd rather not meet them...one of the biggest turn ons for me is confidence in yourself...just oozes sex appeal, I do t want to spend a meet convincing someone I find them hot, I wanna grab be grabbed and ravished!!!"

But that's why I wouldn't meet someone who was clearly just settling for me. Because I want to BE grabbed and ravished, not do all the grabbing and ravishing like some sort of desperate needy fangirl.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Afternoon

I started chatting to someone recently who then felt they didn't match up to those I'd met before as seen through the verification.

Question is....

Are the verifications seen as a benchmark or is it just case of someone else's self esteem"

It's a self esteem thing. Many compare themselves to your previous meets even if you don't. I had one guy I really enjoyed meeting stop meeting me because he felt he didn't measure up to a couple of my meets, which was frustrating as I never even slightly felt that was the case. For me, if someone has made the effort to contact me and maintains contact, then actually agrees to meet then who am I to argue...I know my tastes in men vary so why can't a guys taste in women vary too?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

"I had a guy message who I would have loved to have met but his veri was a size ten gym godess with almost a six pack so no I didn't meet him. Clearly I am nothing like his previous meet"

Variety is the spice of life and all that jazz. I'm not attracted to only one type of look, sure alot of others aren't either.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I just check they have verifications. I never read them. I've met some right hotties

. I've also met some not-so hotties who were equally as awesome. I prefer to make my own mind up about a guy, not work from someone elses opinion.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But there you go you say 'settling for me' already you've thrown the towel in thinking like that...your walls up and you are looking purely for negatives...there was a study why a lot of what people class as beautiful women were with not so beautiful men...it was simply because ...!they asked them out' whilst everyone else shyed

Away with hang ups....I never said I wanted some fan girl 'fawning' over me...quite the opposite I just prefer a self aware and confident woman who doesn't think there's a 'catch' or presume she's second best.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think it's negativity. If someone fails to convince me they actually want to meet ME (as opposed to whatever they can get) then something like a veri will put me off for sure. There are men who I like who DO want to meet me and they reap the rewards

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We show all our verifications out of vanity! Lol we are kidding

I get put off people who decide that everyone should do the same thing.

I don't hide the fact I don't like the system and never will however I don't expect or need others to agree with me I expect them to use the site how it works best for them.

I didn't really see anything to suggest that they said anything to put anyone off ? "

It was the use the site as it was meant to be used I was referring to.

Just because it's a tool on the site people do not have to use it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eliciousladyWoman
over a year ago

Sometimes U.K

"For me, i only take note of the 'met in person' verifications. It shows me that the person has actually turned up to planned meets.

Sadly not always. I've had no shows from guys with veri's

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me it can depend largely on my mood at the time. If it's a pmt week I'll think the worst and think why woulda this person want to meet me when they have previously met kate moss crossed with a porn star....but at other times im miss confident and will go with it and accept that they are interested in me otherwise they wouldn't bother as they can obviously do much better

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"For me, i only take note of the 'met in person' verifications. It shows me that the person has actually turned up to planned meets.

Sadly not always. I've had no shows from guys with veri's

Me too. Anyway, I do like being a guys first verification sometimes.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are exactly the same!

When a guy has veris from gorgeous women I know I'd dissapoint

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've talked myself out of meets like this because I didn't want to be a disappointment or something they'd settle for.

I do that all the time

When I've looked at some of the women they have met I think...what the hells he's mailed me for is this a joke

Problem is I tend to end up meeting guys I don't really want to meet because I convince myself all the guys I do want to meet won't like me

Mental really"

Same for me to a point but vice versa.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We prefer to meet peple who have veri's just shows they are genuine, and at least have made an effort to meet, don't really take much interest of whats wriiten in them , probs thats why we don't get many meets when people read our veri's as we are not normal.

there again, what IS normal/ lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *at69driveMan
over a year ago

Hertford

"Afternoon

I started chatting to someone recently who then felt they didn't match up to those I'd met before as seen through the verification.

Question is....

Are the verifications seen as a benchmark or is it just case of someone else's self esteem"
. I would not waste my time reading members verifications . It is boring and they all appear to say the same thing . If you have met someone , why do all the other members need to know ?. What about discretion? All the required information should be available in the members profile and pictures

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are certainly two schools of thoughts of verifications, those that think they are an absolute must and would never dream of meeting without someone having them. There are those that are happy to chat and get a feel for the person and make their own judgments.

Every meet you have will be an individual experience and from that experience you form your opinion and write your veri.

I actually had a lady once try to dictate to me that she would only meet me if I didn't meet this other person as they did not like her veri's (after first social veri).

Personally I would be happy to meet someone who is not verified as long as I got the right feeling from chatting with them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We are exactly the same!

When a guy has veris from gorgeous women I know I'd dissapoint "

Well you don't look like you could disappoint from where I am sitting.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Afternoon

I started chatting to someone recently who then felt they didn't match up to those I'd met before as seen through the verification.

Question is....

Are the verifications seen as a benchmark or is it just case of someone else's self esteem. I would not waste my time reading members verifications . It is boring and they all appear to say the same thing . If you have met someone , why do all the other members need to know ?. What about discretion? All the required information should be available in the members profile and pictures "

It may be boring to you , a bit like endless meet requests on someone's profile , but it's not boring for others , and as for discretion , it's a two way thing . If a member is happy to give a veri and the recipient is happy to show it , what's wrong with that ? No one is asking anyone to read them if they don't want to .......

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've turned men down because of their verificarions.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would not waste my time reading members verifications . It is boring and they all appear to say the same thing . If you have met someone , why do all the other members need to know ?. What about discretion?

Some people like them. Some people don't. Some people don't really care. Some people they don't like knowing about the other/previous/subsequent meets for various reasons.

There's enough people on Fab and enough flexibility in the site for us all to do it our way that we don't need to try and explain or impose our opinion on someone else.

Well not for this point, anyway

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *olarfoxMan
over a year ago

North Cambs

"Question is....

Are the verifications seen as a benchmark or is it just a case of someone else's self esteem"

When I see the verifications of a woman or couple I am interested in, I am certainly not put off if they appear to have met lots (or a number of) very fit blokes. These previous meets may be with guys who are taller, younger, better endowed or whatever. I am confident that if they too are interested in meeting me then it is because I have qualities (whatever those might be) that they are attracted to and on both sides we believe there is a good chance that we will have great sex together.

With regard to women and how they view verifications that I might display, I am hopeful that they look upon them in a similar way.

I am attracted to women of many different shapes, sizes and ages. When I think back to some of the best sex I have ever had, there is seldom any correlation to simply how physically attractive a particular woman was (or deemed to be by society in general). I would hope that any woman I meet feels the same way about men.

Great sex comes in many guises, but you do have to have the confidence/sufficient self esteem at a given point in time to recognise that fact and to apply it to yourself as well as others.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ieutenantMan
over a year ago

london

Some females and couples have that class consciousness attitude on fab.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Question is....

Are the verifications seen as a benchmark or is it just a case of someone else's self esteem

With regard to women and how they view verifications that I might display, I am hopeful that they look upon them in a similar way.

Great sex comes in many guises, but you do have to have the confidence/sufficient self esteem at a given point in time to recognise that fact and to apply it to yourself as well as others.

Great post.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Afternoon

I started chatting to someone recently who then felt they didn't match up to those I'd met before as seen through the verification.

Question is....

Are the verifications seen as a

benchmark or is it just case of someone else's self esteem"

Sometimes it does give me low self esteem, but obviously that's my problem not yours!

I do read the verifications if cam/social/sex! If a guy looks like he will shag any old slapper I'm not interested!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I must admit to turning men down because I get the why would they want to meet me feeling a lot

Me too

Same here

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I often don't meet people because I feel they are "out of my league" ... and I kick myself because I'm supposed to be a strong, intelligent, self confident woman... *Sigh*.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can't please everyone all of the time.

I think my verifications put some people off but I go to clubs more then once a week so meet a lot of people if I get judged about them it doesn't bother me people don't see your verifications at parties it's all down to being yourself

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people like them. Some people don't. Some people don't really care. Some people they don't like knowing about the other/previous/subsequent meets for various reasons.

There's enough people on Fab and enough flexibility in the site for us all to do it our way that we don't need to try and explain or impose our opinion on someone else.

Well not for this point, anyway

Totally agree

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *adysueandneroCouple
over a year ago

witney

If people don't want to meet us because of our veries, that's fine by us, we wouldn't want to meet anyway.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't even look at them. I take veri's with a pinch of salt. What's good for one person might not be my cup of tea. So I don't give them any sway.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There just crap mainly

How many women give the best by ever

Or how many men have a fabulas cock ? Lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had people think a good way to start a conversation about meeting is to slate my past meets/veries.

They don't get far...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread