FabSwingers.com forum: We are shit in clubs!

By *LCC OP Couple
over a year ago

Cambridge

There, we said it. We are shit in clubs. We struggle to find couples that we are both attracted to, and even when we do, we struggle to pluck up the courage to either chat to them or initiate anything.

We see loads of threads from single guys saying they are struggling, and it's easy to think that swinging is a bed of roses for us couples, so this is the perfect opportunity to admit to something you are shit at as well. I'm hoping we are not the only couple who find it hard to very successful in clubs, so if you are let us know!

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By *rank EinsteinMan
over a year ago

Burton upon stather

I'm shit at cumming multiple times, it takes me a long time to shoot especially as I put a lot of time into foreplay/oral and like to ensure she cums first so when I do blow I'm pretty drained from the whole experience.

Usually because I'm the one doing all the work....

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

I honestly think I am a shit swinger (ignoring the fact that apparently singles cannot swing as we have nothing to swap)

I am very fussy over who I meet, and don't like one night stands. I often struggle to find couples where both are attractive, and sadly when I do, they are usually miles away, or not attracted to me.

I have had way less sexual partners than the majority of my more vanilla friends...

I do enjoy meeting couples for some naughty fun when I find ones that appeal... I just don't seem to find it very often.

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By *hat the hellCouple
over a year ago

Down South

"There, we said it. We are shit in clubs. We struggle to find couples that we are both attracted to, and even when we do, we struggle to pluck up the courage to either chat to them or initiate anything.

We are totally the the same, more often than not we end end up playing together and watching...I never pluck up the courage to approach anyone...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I struggle in clubs as well

I have quite low self confidence and struggle to make a move on a guy, if I see someome I like I just keep walking past him and smile and hope he says hi and a conversation starts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm shit in clubs....far too shy for my own good

Fatbird

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I also struggle in clubs, mainly because I hate approaching people and men never approach single women for fear of getting turned down. I shake my head in wonder when I see the posts talking about being followed by conga lines of men - never happened to me!

I also rarely meet on here as well, as I really cannot be arsed to go through all the shenanigans of getting ready and travelling to a meet to either be stood up or not thrilled by my meet. I have two FWBs that keep me going sexwise so I reckon I've probably turned into a dreaded timewaster.

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

I would have naturally thought that one of The biggest obstacles for the majority of couples when meeting is a mutual attraction all round. With my ex partner our meets were few and far between because of it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I also struggle in clubs, mainly because I hate approaching people and men never approach single women for fear of getting turned down. I shake my head in wonder when I see the posts talking about being followed by conga lines of men - never happened to me!

I get the followers

I've turned round a few times and had a line of guys following me about, none want to talk though they just want to follow you till you get on a bed and then all join in

I suppose if I played that way id have no problems I'd just sooner not jump on a bed and open myself to a queue of guys

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By *rank EinsteinMan
over a year ago

Burton upon stather

"I struggle in clubs as well

I have quite low self confidence and struggle to make a move on a guy, if I see someome I like I just keep walking past him and smile and hope he says hi and a conversation starts

You're doing it wrong, just challenge them to a game of guitar hero and say loser gives oral

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I struggle in clubs as well

I have quite low self confidence and struggle to make a move on a guy, if I see someome I like I just keep walking past him and smile and hope he says hi and a conversation starts

You're doing it wrong, just challenge them to a game of guitar hero and say loser gives oral

But I'm shit at guitar hero

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By *isexmistressWoman
over a year ago

Prestwich

Awe Guys

I feel blessed

that I have a pretty outgoing,confident personality and find it easy to chat with anyone..

Im also cursed in that,Im that busy with my own shoots and parties etc that I rarely get the time to meet at clubs nowadays..Never not met at a club and never had a dull meet and always made loads friends..

My hot tip is,if you see someone you like,SMILE

..It often helps them approach you,and makes chatting at the bar easier if you have thrown a few smiles about ..

Enjoy and ,if you do ever see me about just SMILE..

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"I get the followers

I've turned round a few times and had a line of guys following me about"

Don't you just want to whip round and shout 'BOO!' at them?

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By *uietlyBohemianCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle-under-Lyme

It's embarrassing to admit, but hands up from us too!

We love being at the club, but we don't match the image we had in mind of the people who go to swingers clubs - extroverted flirty party types. Funny thing is, most of the people who go to the swingers clubs don't match that either (though there are always a few!)

We still have plenty of fun, even if it looks like we're sitting shyly in the corner. We're just crap at flirting, brazenly talking to new people, all that kind of stuff. And yet, somehow, we still enjoy our nights out and make new friends along the way!

It does make it a bit easier if we arrange via fab to meet up with someone at the club anyway - that means we'll have someone we'll be already interested in (and vice versa).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I get the followers

I've turned round a few times and had a line of guys following me about

Don't you just want to whip round and shout 'BOO!' at them?

I remember once I was walking along the top landing at chams, this group of guys had been following me since I left the round room, I got half way along the landing and just stopped, they all stopped too but then tried to look busy like they wasn't waiting for me to move again

Was quite funny watching

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By *rank EinsteinMan
over a year ago

Burton upon stather

"I struggle in clubs as well

I have quite low self confidence and struggle to make a move on a guy, if I see someome I like I just keep walking past him and smile and hope he says hi and a conversation starts

You're doing it wrong, just challenge them to a game of guitar hero and say loser gives oral

But I'm shit at guitar hero

Which means you'll be the one giving head which no guy will have a problem with so you're guaranteed some action.

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

"I struggle in clubs as well

I have quite low self confidence and struggle to make a move on a guy, if I see someome I like I just keep walking past him and smile and hope he says hi and a conversation starts

You're doing it wrong, just challenge them to a game of guitar hero and say loser gives oral

But I'm shit at guitar hero

Good

he he

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By *rank EinsteinMan
over a year ago

Burton upon stather

"Awe Guys

I feel blessed

that I have a pretty outgoing,confident personality and find it easy to chat with anyone..

My hot tip is,if you see someone you like,SMILE

..It often helps them approach you,and makes chatting at the bar easier if you have thrown a few smiles about ..

Enjoy and ,if you do ever see me about just SMILE..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We're getting better at it. As someone said, it's getting the 4 way mutual attraction between 4 people when 2 couples meet.

We've had a recent situation where we met a couple, played and really hoped to meet again, only to hear that for one of them they weren't really feeling the connection. All very amicable but still a bit of a confidence knocker.

I'm (Rogue) the worst because most people find Blondie attractive but I'm honestly punching above my weight with her (fortunate foe me!) so generally I'm the compromise others have to make if they want to play with us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I struggle in clubs as well

I have quite low self confidence and struggle to make a move on a guy, if I see someome I like I just keep walking past him and smile and hope he says hi and a conversation starts

wish I had just grabbed and licked ya when I met ya at chams lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are the opposite , and tbh we stopped going to clubs as we found we had already played with those we fancied ( and fancied us ) or that people were so reserved and shy that it was too much like hard work initiating play .

Hence our love of dogging now , variety is the spice of life

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

I am rubbish in clubs as well. I can chat freely if someone initiates a conversation but can never start one or know how to take it to the 'so, do you want to go somewhere more private' type level. Luckily, I have a BF who is nowhere near as shy as me so we've had fun in clubs together. The couples thing is still tricky though, finding four people with mutual attraction is far more difficult than finding additional guys for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I struggle in clubs as well

I have quite low self confidence and struggle to make a move on a guy, if I see someome I like I just keep walking past him and smile and hope he says hi and a conversation starts

I'm the same as this Naughtnympho....except with ladies and not guys!

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By *jandjbCouple
over a year ago

Nr Manchester

"It's embarrassing to admit, but hands up from us too!

It does make it a bit easier if we arrange via fab to meet up with someone at the club anyway - that means we'll have someone we'll be already interested in (and vice versa). "

This is an interesting thread, I think many of us will echo these sentiments.

Him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I'm probably a shit shag. They say if you don't use it you lose it. I think I may have lost it. If you find it let me know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can ask the people that say they dont fancy others as part of the couple if they have had previous partners before? Do you think we expect too much? Are we just too fussy? After all if we call them friends why do we keep looking at body/facial looks. Maybe thats why there is soo many single men. Surely personality has to be present. If its all about sex then why should looks matter?

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By *ngel n tedCouple
over a year ago

maidstone

We've never been to a club, but if we did go.....i'm sure we'd be shit as well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/06/15 16:20:00]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I struggle in clubs as well

I have quite low self confidence and struggle to make a move on a guy, if I see someome I like I just keep walking past him and smile and hope he says hi and a conversation starts

You're doing it wrong, just challenge them to a game of guitar hero and say loser gives oral

But I'm shit at guitar hero

Can I challenge you to guitar hero then?...... I like to receive oral...lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm the opposite...I'm shit on site but come into my element at clubs...I'm very comfortable approaching people but never know what to put in a reply or first message lol...

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

We go to the club to relax and enjoy ourselves and others tend to join in which is great. However, if they didn't its still good as we will enjoy ourselves anyway. It's the environment that we like.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are on the shy side too at clubs - we like to chat in a quiet 2 or 3 around the table. I can't approach a group but I can approach one person at a time. We have had 3 club visits now, gets a bit easier each time. I like to sit and listen I don't feel like I need to be loud or extrovert to get noticed but I do wonder if the life and soul of the party types get more swinging offers than us quiet types? Mind you quality over quality is best so I am not compaining

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By *orkieLassCouple
over a year ago

York

I'm shit when women approach me in clubs. Sure, I like a bit of minge, but I proper lose my cool.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

First three or four times we went to a club we never played with anyone we just took our time looked at what everyone else was doing and made some friends. We then started playing with these friends and going to other clubs and went from there increasing with confidence as we went.

We are happy to ask people to play or turn people down now with confidence.

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By *ngie1962Couple
over a year ago

Bedford

Same here it's difficult sometimes to know if both party's are interested where as a single guy is a lot easier if they follow you around club and sit near you you know they are interested

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are like this at clubs but each time we go Im starting to get a little bit more confident so have a look around and smile.....I finf it easier for me (Fem) to start chatting to another fem from a couple and the guys just follow suit x

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By *ukus 62Woman
over a year ago

Essex

"Same here it's difficult sometimes to know if both party's are interested where as a single guy is a lot easier if they follow you around club and sit near you you know they are interested "

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By *LCC OP Couple
over a year ago

Cambridge

We have been to a club 4 times now. First 2 times we just played alone, 3rd time we met someone from Fab at the club, and last night was our 4th time and we both ended up playing alone, which wasn't what we had planned but that's what happened.

I think the 3rd visit was the most relaxed, comfortable and sexy, so we will try for that as our ideal. However we tried to arrange a meet before heading to the club last night but not much interest unfortunately.

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By *atasha_DavidCouple
over a year ago

Slough

"...a single guy is a lot easier if they follow you around club and sit near you you know they are interested "

No it simply means your female, have a pulse and are, they think, the best prospect in the club at that time.

Pretty young thing walks in and whoosh their off.

As a couple they will not try to engage with you, but as soon as I (D) go to the loo or to get us a drink, whoosh they get all interested.

Fun to watch them get tongue tied when I return though.

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By *unknSoulCouple
over a year ago

dumfries-ish

We're shit at this. Find it challenging emailing people and replying, 2-3 emails we are done

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I struggle in clubs as well

I have quite low self confidence and struggle to make a move on a guy, if I see someome I like I just keep walking past him and smile and hope he says hi and a conversation starts

I would definitely say hi if you walked past me xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think were all a bit shy to start ,and we are too scared to ask others as were not sure if they would want to play with us, we find it difficult to workout who wants what with who, sometimes end up playing alone with lots of peeps watching us

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By *ivilizedkinkCouple
over a year ago

harrow

We're so shite a clubs we don't even bother going to them now

find it much easier to meet up with couples and singles for a private get together, which is a shame as welike the club atmosphere and watching and are quite naughty infront of an audience, just a bit shy when it comes to approaching strangers ... ooh well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And this thread proves what we already knew .... If you want to spend a night sitting around waiting for someone too nervous to make a move , go to a club

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get what you are saying OP. I'm quite outgoing but still have to work hard chatting to people. What pisses me off tho is people who make absolutely no effort to talk at all but then message you as soon as they leave the club 'saw you at the club' FFS people a smile and hello costs nothing!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And this thread proves what we already knew .... If you want to spend a night sitting around waiting for someone too nervous to make a move , go to a club

For me it says the opposite... which is... if you're sat there thinking how nervous you feel then just appreciate that probably a lot of others there are also feeling the same way so get off your arse and say hi

All it takes is one person melting the ice and everything suddenly feels a whole lot better.. so that one person might as well be you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And this thread proves what we already knew .... If you want to spend a night sitting around waiting for someone too nervous to make a move , go to a club

All it takes is one person melting the ice and everything suddenly feels a whole lot better.. so that one person might as well be you

This is a fact , and we agree with you .

But the problem is that we are the antipathy of the general consensus of the forum regulars .

We don't swing to make friends or to find out what folk do for a living etc....

So a ' hi , fancy a fuck ? ' , may be deemed a little too forward perhaps ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm shit at cumming multiple times, it takes me a long time to shoot especially as I put a lot of time into foreplay/oral and like to ensure she cums first so when I do blow I'm pretty drained from the whole experience.

Usually because I'm the one doing all the work.... "
Yeah really good answer and really helpful, so why answer the question sado ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We would probably rate a D minus. We go with the expectation of having a great time together and anything else is a bonus. My confidence (female half) is growing each time we go. Sometimes it just depends on who else is there on the night.

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By *wingersrus465Couple
over a year ago

Cheshire

There are so many feel the same way about confidence in clubs - thought it was just us!

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By *ohn_joCouple
over a year ago

peterborough

we find it hard too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"we find it hard too"

I find it hard too, sometimes gets in the way lol...

On a serious note I'm not very confident and quite shy. But I've only just started going to socials and clubs

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

In the past I have had frustrating, boring, annoying club experiences. On every occasion that was because the expectation was too great and often unrealistic.

I have had great nights at clubs where I didn't play with anyone but enjoyed chatting to people.

Most often I go with someone I know is happy to join in, be public and can hold a conversation. If we meet up with other people and swap that's great but if we don't we've still had a good time.

I'm shit at faking it.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"We are like this at clubs but each time we go Im starting to get a little bit more confident so have a look around and smile.....I finf it easier for me (Fem) to start chatting to another fem from a couple and the guys just follow suit x "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In the past I have had frustrating, boring, annoying club experiences. On every occasion that was because the expectation was too great and often unrealistic.

I have had great nights at clubs where I didn't play with anyone but enjoyed chatting to people.

Most often I go with someone I know is happy to join in, be public and can hold a conversation. If we meet up with other people and swap that's great but if we don't we've still had a good time.

I'm shit at faking it.

It became like that for us too , but we really couldn't be doing with the chatting all night .

And so we stopped going and never looked back .

How many of those who admit to being shit in clubs get home and regret not being a bit more forward ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am really shit at saying no to big black cocks in clubs and end up getting fucked senseless lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 08/06/15 08:02:12]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How many of those who admit to being shit in clubs get home and regret not being a bit more forward ? "

Us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Us too!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Another here. We seem to do ok on nights when single guys are allowed in as we do tend to get chatted up then. On couples only evenings we really do struggle. Have kind of moved into the party scene now where your not having to start with a completely blank page every time. Not all of us are blessed with out going personalities but we are fun honest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I must admit that the first few times I went Chams and introduced myself to ladies, I was like a cat on a hot tin roof, and very nervous but as time went on I got a little better and can now make conversation quite easily

I chatted with nympho many moons ago at the bar, in chams and with her being attractive it can make a man very nervous.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I honestly think I am a shit swinger (ignoring the fact that apparently singles cannot swing as we have nothing to swap)

I am very fussy over who I meet, and don't like one night stands. I often struggle to find couples where both are attractive, and sadly when I do, they are usually miles away, or not attracted to me.

I have had way less sexual partners than the majority of my more vanilla friends...

I do enjoy meeting couples for some naughty fun when I find ones that appeal... I just don't seem to find it very often.

I'm the same as this lovely lady. Except I've never been with a couple. When i look i can never find one where as I like them both or they're miles away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I honestly think I am a shit swinger (ignoring the fact that apparently singles cannot swing as we have nothing to swap)

I am very fussy over who I meet, and don't like one night stands. I often struggle to find couples where both are attractive, and sadly when I do, they are usually miles away, or not attracted to me.

I have had way less sexual partners than the majority of my more vanilla friends...

I do enjoy meeting couples for some naughty fun when I find ones that appeal... I just don't seem to find it very often.

I'm the same as this lovely lady. Except I've never been with a couple. When i look i can never find one where as I like them both or they're miles away."

Or I should of added its always the male I talk too and for confusing reasons the lady is never free to talk and always an excuse why she can't meet me for a social

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By *rniceguy100Couple
over a year ago

Glos

We've/I've never really had a problem.

My husband sums it up quite well, he reminded me of a time we went on holiday. We walked up the main high street and those annoying promotion people tried to get us in there bars. The more they harassed us the more annoying it got. It got so annoying we felt like telling them to "f" off! The problem was, we got to other end of the street and hadn't had a drink! So the following night we decided to go with the flow and say yes to everyone. We had one of the best nights ever! We now pretty much approach everything in life this way haha. Including sex clubs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My husband sums it up quite well, he reminded me of a time we went on holiday. We walked up the main high street and those annoying promotion people tried to get us in there bars. The more they harassed us the more annoying it got. It got so annoying we felt like telling them to "f" off! The problem was, we got to other end of the street and hadn't had a drink! So the following night we decided to go with the flow and say yes to everyone. We had one of the best nights ever! We now pretty much approach everything in life this way haha. Including sex clubs."

We're way too much like your former selves so thanks for posting that as it's a real eye opener to maybe try approaching those situations differently next time

Reminds me of the movie "Yes Man"

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

We're way too much like your former selves so thanks for posting that as it's a real eye opener to maybe try approaching those situations differently next time

Reminds me of the movie "Yes Man"

That's how I got into all of this. My first ever club experience was a full on immersion therapy session. I got there looked around and my eyes popped out of my head. I felt safe and protected by my partner so decided that I would just go with the flow without over analysing everything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

only been once, to Licketys party at JayDees, I loved it, went with the guy Id met the week before(who's now my fwb) when my original plans fell through, and so had his for a different social, we had a great time, going back soon to experience a normal night, with the attitude that we can have great fun together even if we dont have fun with others, I cant wait to get him in the hot tub again!

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By *lovisMan
over a year ago

Twickenham

I get the followers

I've turned round a few times and had a line of guys following me about, none want to talk though they just want to follow you till you get on a bed and then all join in

I suppose if I played that way id have no problems I'd just sooner not jump on a bed and open myself to a queue of guys

I'm the one usually talking to the women - then when she gets on the bed I tend to make my excuses and leave as I don't want to appear presumptuous or rude..

Need to work on that a bit...

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By *eyondCuriousWoman
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Snap, us too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wish someone would` just say they are scared cos of the single men ogling,wanking,touching,groping etc etc...

It is sometimes a bit funny, the Mrs has all the ann summers stuff on...they sit checking the competition/potentials...then go home.

repeat the same process next week...

then they come out with stuff about us singles having nothing to share...appears they dont either...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are totally the the same, more often than not we end end up playing together and watching...I never pluck up the courage to approach anyone..."

Oh my goodness!!!. This is us as well. We are both shy and quiet. Once we do end up playing though, we are fine. It's just the pulling stage. The most important bit lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It can be hard finding all four clicking, i am a friendly chatty type, my downfall in clubs, if people are in groups i dont barge into conversations.

Her

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By *ittenbutnotshyCouple
over a year ago

North Manchester

"In the past I have had frustrating, boring, annoying club experiences. On every occasion that was because the expectation was too great and often unrealistic.

I have had great nights at clubs where I didn't play with anyone but enjoyed chatting to people.

Most often I go with someone I know is happy to join in, be public and can hold a conversation. If we meet up with other people and swap that's great but if we don't we've still had a good time.

I'm shit at faking it.

It became like that for us too , but we really couldn't be doing with the chatting all night .

And so we stopped going and never looked back .

How many of those who admit to being shit in clubs get home and regret not being a bit more forward ? "

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By *andb69Couple
over a year ago

leeds

We only play in clubs, so we have to be reasonably good at it or we would see no action! We have more success with single men or groups of single men, partly because there are more of them to choose from, and partly because it avoids the problem of finding a couple where we find both attractive. We would of course like to play with single women, but they aren't called unicorns for nothing.

We went to La Chambre on Sunday evening and although Sundays are generally quieter I had a really great MFM so I guess it depends as much on the atmosphere within the club - some are friendly and it's easy to make contact - others can be a little cliquey.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I certainly can relate to some of these issues raised in this thread. I popped into a club recently - haven't been in four plus years so I knew no-one! Having said that, I did try to make the effort and have a good natter with folks throughout the evening. Manners cost nothing, even if the chances of being more intimate is zero.

Having said that, I am a firm believer that if you go to a club with a pre-conceived idea (going to party with X, then Y, then join in a G/B etc...), the laws of probabilities are not in anyone's favour thus we all get disappointed.

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By *rs Butterfly.Woman
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

Us too. I can do well as a single lady and am a little social butterfly. I can do great one on one but I find chatting to a couple very difficult. Even when we go on a couples night i find it hard to mingle. Why is this?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm the opposite...I'm shit on site but come into my element at clubs...I'm very comfortable approaching people but never know what to put in a reply or first message lol...

Same here I come into my own at clubs...parties...socials but on chat I'm crap!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

having been to various clubs and socials I can and will say that I'm crap at the silent gestures to 'go away'.

Just tell me straight it wont offend in any way.

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