FabSwingers.com forum: Emotional/mental connection before sex

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Do you personally need an emotional/mental connection with someone before you can be comfortable enough to be physically intimate, or can you just shag all and sundry?

Personally I like to get to know someone better first. Makes the actual act a little more intense.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like to chat and get to know someone a little first, flirt and build up that sexual tension as sex for me is just robotic without a connection and don't really see the point x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No it's a swinging site.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I like to chat and get to know someone a little first, flirt and build up that sexual tension as sex for me is just robotic without a connection and don't really see the point x"

Totally agree

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By *isstinseltoesWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Yes i'd rather not bother otherwise.

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By *olarfoxMan
over a year ago

North Cambs

"Do you personally need an emotional/mental connection with someone before you can be comfortable enough to be physically intimate, or can you just shag all and sundry?

Personally I like to get to know someone better first. Makes the actual act a little more intense.

Yes, although this is 'swinging', I still need to have a certain mental connection...if there is no 'click' at all then very likely there will also be very little chemistry. In this situation it can all seem too mechanical for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i like to know someone a bit first just can't imagine jumping into bed with someone i did not know, regardless of how attractive they were.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess most men do not prefer chat at all, by nature they are much more mechanical

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I need to like somebody as well as find them attractive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I need to like somebody as well as find them attractive."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends on the situation, both work in different contexts. On a more intimate level when meeting couples at our home, it definitely needs something more than just shagging mindlessly but in some club scenarios or at parties sometimes when there's a big pile of bodies and we want to just jump in, we don't really take the time to connect...

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"I guess most men do not prefer chat at all, by nature they are much more mechanical

I am happy to chat, it's just I want zero emotional connection... that is where a lot of the drama comes from. Misleading the emotions.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"I guess most men do not prefer chat at all, by nature they are much more mechanical

I am happy to chat, it's just I want zero emotional connection... that is where a lot of the drama comes from. Misleading the emotions.

and misreading

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes otherwise that would be using the other person as a masterbation aid. But whatever floats your boat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Trouble I've had in the past is you chat and make the connection and you have the chemistry blah blah blah etc. Then you fuck them write the veri, job done right? WRONG! Then it's "oh when can i see you again?" "can't wait for another session"... "Are you ignoring me?" "why won't you meet me!?" block.... Jeez it was a fuck get over it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I guess most men do not prefer chat at all, by nature they are much more mechanical

A lot of men on here yes, but then a lot of men on here also believe that penis ownership is the gateway to random sex with strangers.

There are a lot of women and couple who are exactly the same.

Personally I prefer to know who I'm going to share my body with, rather than just any Tom, Dick or Sally...

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By *olarfoxMan
over a year ago

North Cambs

Personally I prefer to know who I'm going to share my body with, rather than just any Tom, Dick or Sally..."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I only met 1 guy that I had not chatted too for a while 1st, and it was not great, conversation was stilted, it just felt awkward. so now I wont meet even for a social unless im sure we are goin to click, then the social is just to make sure its there in person too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me the personality has to attract me. I don't want emotions per se,but I want to like him. Although there is someone on here I would like to hate fuck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No it's a swinging site. "

What is swinging then?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I guess most men do not prefer chat at all, by nature they are much more mechanical

A lot of men on here yes, but then a lot of men on here also believe that penis ownership is the gateway to random sex with strangers.

There are a lot of women and couple who are exactly the same.

Personally I prefer to know who I'm going to share my body with, rather than just any Tom, Dick or Sally..."

Ah the old "I'm not like all those other guys line....." you sly dog you!

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By *eanut Butter CupWoman
over a year ago

B & M Bargains

If I meeting someone 1-1 then I need to know that we will get along. At a club, it doesn't bother me so much

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I guess most men do not prefer chat at all, by nature they are much more mechanical

A lot of men on here yes, but then a lot of men on here also believe that penis ownership is the gateway to random sex with strangers.

There are a lot of women and couple who are exactly the same.

Personally I prefer to know who I'm going to share my body with, rather than just any Tom, Dick or Sally..."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I guess most men do not prefer chat at all, by nature they are much more mechanical

A lot of men on here yes, but then a lot of men on here also believe that penis ownership is the gateway to random sex with strangers.

There are a lot of women and couple who are exactly the same.

Personally I prefer to know who I'm going to share my body with, rather than just any Tom, Dick or Sally...

Ah the old "I'm not like all those other guys line....." you sly dog you!"

I'm not being sly, I'm just being truthful. Being truthful about who you are and what your agenda is, is key to not being just another arsehole on here. Please don't try to tar us all with the same brush.

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

I prefer to know a bit about someone so we can chat in between rounds. I also prefer repeat meets.

I find quick meets with a lack of connection to be little better than an assisted wank... and that leaves me cold.

I'm not looking for emotions and a deep connection, but I need to actually like someone enough to want to share my body with them.

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By *amie_leighWoman
over a year ago

coventry

"I prefer to know a bit about someone so we can chat in between rounds. I also prefer repeat meets.

I find quick meets with a lack of connection to be little better than an assisted wank... and that leaves me cold.

I'm not looking for emotions and a deep connection, but I need to actually like someone enough to want to share my body with them."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can fuck anyone so long as i find them physically attractive enough. I don't need a connection.

Even in relationships i feel sex is just for a need and i get intimacy from other things.

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By *histler21Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

"Do you personally need an emotional/mental connection with someone before you can be comfortable enough to be physically intimate, or can you just shag all and sundry?

Personally I like to get to know someone better first. Makes the actual act a little more intense.

In general - yes.

There are some exceptions: dogging, specialised couples requirements (enter room, wife tied up/blindfolded etc...)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have to have an attraction to their personality aswell as their body and face. I always have a long chat on webcam first then we need to text or talk on the phone before i would meet. A guy has to be smart and make me laugh for me to sleep with him.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A guy has to be smart and make me laugh for me to sleep with him. "

Totally totally agree.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Generally prefer a connection with someone, as it takes things to a different level.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I need to fancy someone to have sex with them i have been with men who I didn't have a connection with and afterwards i regretted the sex

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

"Yes i'd rather not bother otherwise."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Trouble I've had in the past is you chat and make the connection and you have the chemistry blah blah blah etc. Then you fuck them write the veri, job done right? WRONG! Then it's "oh when can i see you again?" "can't wait for another session"... "Are you ignoring me?" "why won't you meet me!?" block.... Jeez it was a fuck get over it!

Dude, chill

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I want connection without emotion. Someone who I can click with on a sexual level. I don't want clingy relationship style emotions as I have that already.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But why won't you meet me again?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I need to like somebody as well as find them attractive."

Agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I guess most men do not prefer chat at all, by nature they are much more mechanical

A lot of men on here yes, but then a lot of men on here also believe that penis ownership is the gateway to random sex with strangers.

There are a lot of women and couple who are exactly the same.

Personally I prefer to know who I'm going to share my body with, rather than just any Tom, Dick or Sally...

Ah the old "I'm not like all those other guys line....." you sly dog you!

Are you fucking women as some kind of service to woman kind then? Like a charity of some kind ? All i see is a lot of needy singles ( just look how many say need) that should stop fooling themselves and find a spouse.

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By *ath_Neil_bifunCouple
over a year ago

near cardiff

Chatting via text is the worst way to get to know someone.happy to do it if needed,however we look at pics,and go "they're nice.let's see if we can all fuck" preferably without weeks of endless messages..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't get why some are getting so heated over this topic. Is it really that controversial or distasteful to prefer to have a connection with sexual partners??

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By *hocolate007Man
over a year ago

london

true say, ive had similar situation where we started as fuckbuddies no strings or emotions attached and all of a sudden she wants me to drop all other girls and meet up at the drop of a hat. And when i didnt give in her emotions went flying with the abuses and curses lol. Id rather the chat for a while and fuck thing with no sort of emotions or strings attached

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't need an emotional connection, but there has to be mutual desire, some call it chemistry, but a cold detached shag, whilst it can be exciting on occasions, really doesn't do it for me. For the time were together, we're lovers, even if we never meet again, seems to work well for all concerned

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I like to chat and get to know someone a little first, flirt and build up that sexual tension as sex for me is just robotic without a connection and don't really see the point x

Totally agree

Me too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you personally need an emotional/mental connection with someone before you can be comfortable enough to be physically intimate, or can you just shag all and sundry?

Personally I like to get to know someone better first. Makes the actual act a little more intense.

Not needing an emotional/ mental connection doesn't automatically mean people will shag all and sundry.

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By *andy6677Man
over a year ago

crewe

For me so long as we like each other then thats good and if we have feelings for each other then thats just nature.

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By *ratty_DamselWoman
over a year ago

Greater London

I definitely need a mental connection to start with.

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By *ipswingCouple
over a year ago

portrush

yes ..we have to actually like the folk we play with ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you personally need an emotional/mental connection with someone before you can be comfortable enough to be physically intimate, or can you just shag all and sundry?

Personally I like to get to know someone better first. Makes the actual act a little more intense.

Not needing an emotional/ mental connection doesn't automatically mean people will shag all and sundry.

There is no in between on fab, didn't you know that? ??

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By *lanwoodMan
over a year ago

Alton

I think that, before a meeting, knowing the other person is looking forward to spending time with you sexually is a great boost. To achieve that mutual longing takes time, so I am all in favour of meeting the same person over and over rather than just moving onto the next woman.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think that, before a meeting, knowing the other person is looking forward to spending time with you sexually is a great boost. To achieve that mutual longing takes time, so I am all in favour of meeting the same person over and over rather than just moving onto the next woman."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Isn't that just called "having a girlfriend?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Isn't that just called "having a girlfriend?""

Some don't even like their girlfriends that much

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

"Do you personally need an emotional/mental connection with someone before you can be comfortable enough to be physically intimate, or can you just shag all and sundry?

Personally I like to get to know someone better first. Makes the actual act a little more intense.

We have had sex with people we have never said hello to before. When lying in a room of people having sex, if we like the look of someone then we would be happy to explore on the bed what everyone is comfortable with.

We have also chatted to couples prior to playing. So it's not a one solution for all.

I'd just say we are flexible.

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By *horltzMan
over a year ago

heysham

"I like to chat and get to know someone a little first, flirt and build up that sexual tension as sex for me is just robotic without a connection and don't really see the point x"

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Isn't that just called "having a girlfriend?""

Is that the definition in the Oxford dictionary? I am assuming you are just arguing for the sake of it as if you were that set on convention then you won't be on fab.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"
nice attitude.... Not !!!!!!! And that dear op is the very reason we like to get to know people first to wipe out the ones who can't be arsed to have the decency to explain you only want a one off . I wonder how many females you tell it will only ever be the once you meet them ... Guessing not many !!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 30/05/15 21:33:21]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Isn't that just called "having a girlfriend?"

Is that the definition in the Oxford dictionary? I am assuming you are just arguing for the sake of it as if you were that set on convention then you won't be on fab."

Well we all know what assumption Is....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Do you personally need an emotional/mental connection with someone before you can be comfortable enough to be physically intimate, or can you just shag all and sundry?

Personally I like to get to know someone better first. Makes the actual act a little more intense.

Not needing an emotional/ mental connection doesn't automatically mean people will shag all and sundry.

Yeah, my apologies, I didn't exactly phrase that well!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

nice attitude.... Not !!!!!!! And that dear op is the very reason we like to get to know people first to wipe out the ones who can't be arsed to have the decency to explain you only want a one off . I wonder how many females you tell it will only ever be the once you meet them ... Guessing not many !!!!

So sorry....please pop around and boil my bunny...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You are assuming all women want to met more than once!.......i rarely want to meet more than once. And then only if they really excite me....which is rare

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lol as if .....

So sorry....please pop around and boil my bunny..."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Isn't that just called "having a girlfriend?"

Is that the definition in the Oxford dictionary? I am assuming you are just arguing for the sake of it as if you were that set on convention then you won't be on fab.

Well we all know what assumption Is...."

I think that only applies to people who make assumptions without knowing they are assuming. Try harder with your next put down

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You are assuming all women want to met more than once!.......i rarely want to meet more than once. And then only if they really excite me....which is rare"
I never mentioned ALL females wanted to meet more than once ...... But I bet most would prefer to know up front ... We do ... It's how we prefer it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Isn't that just called "having a girlfriend?"

Is that the definition in the Oxford dictionary? I am assuming you are just arguing for the sake of it as if you were that set on convention then you won't be on fab.

Well we all know what assumption Is....

I think that only applies to people who make assumptions without knowing they are assuming. Try harder with your next put down

You've done it again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You are assuming all women want to met more than once!.......i rarely want to meet more than once. And then only if they really excite me....which is rare"

I've had better sex with people I've met more than once but I don't want a relationship with them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 30/05/15 21:43:58]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You are assuming all women want to met more than once!.......i rarely want to meet more than once. And then only if they really excite me....which is rare I never mentioned ALL females wanted to meet more than once ...... But I bet most would prefer to know up front ... We do ... It's how we prefer it "

You are assuming that he isn't upfront then?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Isn't that just called "having a girlfriend?"

Is that the definition in the Oxford dictionary? I am assuming you are just arguing for the sake of it as if you were that set on convention then you won't be on fab.

Well we all know what assumption Is....

I think that only applies to people who make assumptions without knowing they are assuming. Try harder with your next put down

You've done it again."
. Lol it's called an opinion .... It's what people do in forums discuss things lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lol it's called an opinion .... It's what people do in forums discuss things lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lol it's called an opinion .... It's what people do in forums discuss things lol"

I am giving up on feeding this troll. You are not even getting fatter from all your feeds. You are just stuck in a loop.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Different opinion = troll. Nice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A connection of some sort helps loads, Wenden if it's just being able to have a decent conversation before hand. Helps me relax and just makes things flow better

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

You only have to read the forums over a period of time, you see countless threads where people have confused lust for love. The connection, the butterflies, the longing, the meeting, the couples profile, the realisation, the fighting and sniping, the drama, the departures, the returns, the departures, they meet other people, the 3 sides fight.....

It's easier mostly to shag and go

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lol it's called an opinion .... It's what people do in forums discuss things lol

I am giving up on feeding this troll. You are not even getting fatter from all your feeds. You are just stuck in a loop. "

Why is he a troll?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I prefer no emotional/mental connection. It's better for me if it's purely physical, as long as both parties are satisfied. From my experience, emotions mess things up and both parties end up hurt/confused.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

has to be something to attract - wont have sex just for the sake of a fuck - and wont for each other either - we both have to be happy about it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"has to be something to attract - wont have sex just for the sake of a fuck - and wont for each other either - we both have to be happy about it "

but ....... can just walk away after - nothing more required - although we do tend to make freinds and keep in touch and meet up again

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By *drogansMan
over a year ago

Bedford

"Personally I like to get to know someone better first. Makes the actual act a little more intense.

this is what I look for, but I'm a guy and so can perform so long as I have an erection. It won't be as good and I may even regret it after the fact I'd there isn't an emotional connection though.

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

Not especially, but it's always better to get on with the person outside of fucking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I prefer to chat and get to know someone a little first before meeting. I know it's a sex site but I kinda think having a connection with someone makes it a better experience

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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago

a quandary, could you change my mind?

Has to be a connection for me

Adds to it

Otherwise may as well "DIY"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Has to be a connection there, more than just physical . For me anyhow ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mr and I differ on this and it can cause some discussions.

I don't want to get to Know a guy.. I often won't even know his name .. Mr likes to chat and flirt before he meets someone . I won't really engage in that part when we are meeting and in fact have refused to meet before because the guy from the couple was being all chatty and wanting to get flirty.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I need to know them a bit before getting into bed. And need to know their name too. Its why I only socialise first, if I can get a social that is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The brain is the biggest sex organ in the body. Stimulate the brain and the sex becomes so much more intense

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Mr and I differ on this and it can cause some discussions.

That's really interesting as I would have always assumed it would be the other way round.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you personally need an emotional/mental connection with someone before you can be comfortable enough to be physically intimate, or can you just shag all and sundry?

Personally I like to get to know someone better first. Makes the actual act a little more intense.

Not at all. I'm here purely for sex, I don't wish for any kind of connection!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 31/05/15 00:16:38]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Mr and I differ on this and it can cause some discussions.

That's really interesting as I would have always assumed it would be the other way round. "

I'm just odd. I also when I have in the past met alone would do fuck and go meets where as Mr prefers to have a meal, drink and then spend a while with them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hmmm we'll let me think

It depends

I can say I've met women offline and it's just been diving on each other after maybe a hi n short chat

Then we we're at it like rabbits

Also I've met women offline we've been chatting flirting and getting to know each having a drink

What I say is if they's a connection and you both feel that you just wanna have it of

Go for it

For me u must have a sparkle in your eye especially come to bed eyes and a good chat getting to know each other bit of flirting to makes it more worth the while

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anybody who doesn't isn't human.

That is all. x

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By *lanwoodMan
over a year ago

Alton

"I need to know them a bit before getting into bed. And need to know their name too. Its why I only socialise first, if I can get a social that is "

I'd socilaise with you as we aren't that far from each other, but I am outside your age range and my status is a no-no for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is all in the mind. If I connect mentally and click with the persons personality then sex is going to be more intense and worth while. I have tried the no connection sex and it does not feel good afterwards.

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By *lanwoodMan
over a year ago

Alton

"It is all in the mind. If I connect mentally and click with the persons personality then sex is going to be more intense and worth while. I have tried the no connection sex and it does not feel good afterwards. "

I couldn't agree more!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you personally need an emotional/mental connection with someone before you can be comfortable enough to be physically intimate, or can you just shag all and sundry?

Personally I like to get to know someone better first. Makes the actual act a little more intense.

Yes. Need the flirting, chemistry. Don't just stick it in & grind for England.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do. Because it's not just the look of a person that I go for. I have to like them as a person as well. I get so many messages from men saying basically meet me right now let's shag. I think good lord. I could be the most horrendous personality going.

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By *o30Woman
over a year ago

Lincoln

"I like to chat and get to know someone a little first, flirt and build up that sexual tension as sex for me is just robotic without a connection and don't really see the point x"
Building the sexual tension is a big part of the fun, for me personally fuck & no just seems seedy, dull & doesn't turn me on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

...I don't really know whats meant by an 'emotional connection' personally I think if fuck then there's an immediate emotional connection, but in regards to wanting 'emotions' on a meet then I'll pass on that, feelings...yes that's different but why the hell would you bring or take your emotional shiz to a hot rendezvous????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ah the old "I'm not like all those other guys line....." you sly dog you!"

This thread will have them tearing out of the blocks...

"Im sensitive and 'choosey' i like to connect in all ways possible, explore your mind and your inner feelings...."

Until I empty my load groan and roll off...then I'll be connecting mentally with a taxi...

Cringey...

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By *L RogueMan
over a year ago

London

I just need someone to be friendly and flirty. I'm not here for an emotional connection but I'm still making new friends.So for me, those rules still apply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just a laugh..banter straight foward connection..Gimp likes his ego rubbed.

Her

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Just a laugh..banter straight foward connection..Gimp likes his ego rubbed.

Her"

So that's what he's calling it nowadays

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just a laugh..banter straight foward connection..Gimp likes his ego rubbed.

Her

So that's what he's calling it nowadays

"
True..stuff i put up with

Her

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By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London

Yes. In my experience, those who don't want to have even the briefest of chats have the personality of a cabbage and sexual dynamism skills of a damp cabbage.

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By *andb69Couple
over a year ago

leeds

"No it's a swinging site. "

Agreed!

We play only in clubs and go to the clubs for fun and sex. If someone is attractive and sensible it is often enough. I certainly don't want an emotional connection! At the end of a night out we can leave the swinging behind and return to real life without there being any strings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No it's a swinging site.

Agreed!

Spot on

We have multiple plays on a night we go dogging , and although we only play with those we find attractive , we aren't into this for emotions and friendships .

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By *onny BonesMan
over a year ago

a block away from heaven

I do believe that many set parameters more suited to POF than FAB. I am honest enough to admit that if I find a lady attractive yet find that she is as fun as a brush wouldn't stop me wanting to have intercourse with her.

If you offered me Jennifer Lopez body and a Maggie Thatcher attitude I would still play with her. If she is a bitch, if she is horrible, if she is obnoxious I bet she wouldn't be whilst in the act!

If I were seeking a life partner I would look for mental connections and things in common!

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By *irceWoman
over a year ago

Gloucester

Have to have a chat and see if we click, i dislike a cold meeting and that has sort of evolved into a more wanting of a meet with depth, always life's student

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By *andy6677Man
over a year ago

crewe

"Have to have a chat and see if we click, i dislike a cold meeting and that has sort of evolved into a more wanting of a meet with depth, always life's student

Agreed love meetings where you feel deep feelings for someone amd love meeting them as they make you feel so good about yourself and life in general xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If people feel a need for an emotional connection before sleeping with someone then it is a preference that they are entitled to state, in the same way as any other preference is stated here. Some people have to feel that connection before they share their body.

However to use that preference: (a) to measure the performance of the person they choose; or (b) to state that encounters without such connection is less valid, is in my _iew wrong.

Some of the comments remind me of the girls at school who would say they would only sleep with a guy with whom they were in love to distinguish themselves as being morally superior to the girls who just wanted to have fun. But every other week they were in love with different guy. Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you personally need an emotional/mental connection with someone before you can be comfortable enough to be physically intimate, or can you just shag all and sundry?

Personally I like to get to know someone better first. Makes the actual act a little more intense.

Oh yes definitley has to be a physical and mental connection , nice to have a chat and get to know someone first too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If people feel a need for an emotional connection before sleeping with someone then it is a preference that they are entitled to state, in the same way as any other preference is stated here. Some people have to feel that connection before they share their body.

However to use that preference: (a) to measure the performance of the person they choose; or (b) to state that encounters without such connection is less valid, is in my _iew wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

However to use that preference: (a) to measure the performance of the person they choose; or (b) to state that encounters without such connection is less valid, is in my _iew wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No - if I had an emotional/mental connection then you'd probably be my GF/OH.

I don't want a GF/OH. Relationships are just too much trouble.

I don't need to know you or know anything about you. Some of the best sex I've ever had have been with people I know nothing about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I do. Because it's not just the look of a person that I go for. I have to like them as a person as well. I get so many messages from men saying basically meet me right now let's shag. I think good lord. I could be the most horrendous personality going. "

Most wouldn't care - they just want their dick wetted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I once smiled at girl on a train to London, we exchanged maybe 20 words, shortly after we got off at London we had amazing clothes ripping sex...no mental connection...never seen her again.

I also had amazing sex with a spanish girl that couldn't speak a word of English! Again no mental connection...

I had a mental connection with a few exes and we had great sex however that 'mental connection' eventually ended up souring things so bad I still avoid flashbacks ...so...

Moral of the story is .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

However to use that preference: (a) to measure the performance of the person they choose; or (b) to state that encounters without such connection is less valid, is in my _iew wrong.

Excellent post!!! Sums it up perfectly!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I do believe that many set parameters more suited to POF than FAB. I am honest enough to admit that if I find a lady attractive yet find that she is as fun as a brush wouldn't stop me wanting to have intercourse with her.

If you offered me Jennifer Lopez body and a Maggie Thatcher attitude I would still play with her. If she is a bitch, if she is horrible, if she is obnoxious I bet she wouldn't be whilst in the act!

If I were seeking a life partner I would look for mental connections and things in common!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

...and sometimes the 'mental connection' can just become bloody MENTAL!!!

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I once smiled at girl on a train to London, we exchanged maybe 20 words, shortly after we got off at London we had amazing clothes ripping sex...no mental connection...never seen her again.

I read these threads and I notice that there are several different interpretations of 'connection' anyway.

To my mind if I met someone I wanted to have clothes ripping sex with so quickly I might say there was an extraordinary, instantaneous connection! Pure lust yes - but what makes us want that one particular person so bad?

Someone else I might talk to for a while and KNOW a lot better but never really get that fizzing, urgent chemical spark with. Which is the greater connection? I'm not really sure I know what different people mean.

Of course best of all, for me, is to have that kind of fizzing chemistry with someone I know well and have a deep connection with. But I could go without sex for years at a time waiting for that, and I'm just not prepared to do that - so there is going to be a compromise to a greater or lesser degree anyway.

N'est pas?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope, if there's no click beforehand there ain't gonna be no teasey smoochy smoochy licky sucky spanky fucky huggy

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By *aveandkate35Couple
over a year ago

telford

"It depends on the situation, both work in different contexts. On a more intimate level when meeting couples at our home, it definitely needs something more than just shagging mindlessly but in some club scenarios or at parties sometimes when there's a big pile of bodies and we want to just jump in, we don't really take the time to connect..."

this for us. Horses for courses and all that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Emotional is probably the wrong word, but I need to actually like them at least a little bit and feel like they're not a total stranger.

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