FabSwingers.com forum: Do you have to be great at sex

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Do you feel as swingers we have to be good at sex, or do we feel under a lot of pressure. In a way there has to be a certain level of technique, after all I can get bad sex anywhere. Ive had my fair share of guys who come as soon as they insert and cant get an erection again for at least 12 hrs, or those guys who are really small (sorry guys for adding to insecurity but its no good only having 3 inches when erect). Also the guys who just think they can push fingers in and push them roughly in and out or the guys who just give you a couple of licks and think job done. In swinging I have to be honest and say I'd be looking for a good technique and an average sized cock. Its more pressure on men I feel but women are expected to give a good blowjob and to make a guy come. We do have to be up to a certain quality I feel. Its like any hobby, I couldnt go and join a golf club when I cant even hit the ball off the tee, noone would want to partner me, do you feel its the same in swinging?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good post and I agree with much of the point you've made. Good sex to one person may not be good sex to another but I do believe that because the main activity on here is NSA sex, there is an expectation of a minimum level of technique.

It's a shame that for some that may create a 'pressure' situation, because in my opinion if someone is under pressure then you'll never get the best out of them sexually (I suppose it depends what your looking for though).

I dont think it's a bad thing to have certain minimum expectations sprinkled in good measure with a level of hope and wish for those higher levels of skill or technique that are compatible with your higher wants and desires.

Even this doesn't guarantee great sex because you need the chemistry or that certain X factor, but if you have the skill and technique, to use your golfing analogy, your more likely to hit that long drive or sink that hole in one!

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By *hristopher WalksMan
over a year ago

somewhere

I agree great sex to me may not be great sex to someone else. That is why we have to communicate what are wants and needs are. When it comes to NSA it becomes a little tricky cause without that "depth" of knowledge both parties are working with what they know that works.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No...

We do this because it is FUN!!!

As long as we have all had a great night with each other, good/bad sex doesnt come into it

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By *ngieandMrManCouple
over a year ago

hereford

Since we’ve been in this hobby, some five years now we’ve obviously had a lot of discussions with lots of different people about sex. What we found quite surprising is how ignorant people are with the subject matter considering that they are in this hobby.

Sexual abilities/skills tend to be assumed, like it’s ‘assumed’ women can cook and knit a jumper and its ‘assumed’ a man should be able to put up a shelf and service the car. In our experience lots of people seem to ‘think’ they are good at sex, most it seems are not.

Another fallacy… the classic line ‘A woman knows best what a woman wants’ and so only lesbians know how to satisfy a woman. Of course this is total bollocks but the point is this… A woman ‘might’ be best at satisfying a woman IF she has good sexual skills. The same applies to bisexual/gay men, if they have no sexual skill then they are not going to be much use to either sex.

If you were to take up golf, you might just give it a go and see what happens and if you enjoy yourself then that’s all that really matters but as the OP said, you might find you are short of people willing to partner you. The other approach is… ‘I think I would like to take up golf, I know NOTHING about it other than whacking a small ball around a field with a stick. So, I will buy some books, maybe get some ‘teach yourself golf’ DVD’s etc.

As for me, I’m a perfectionist, what ever I do I do the best I can and learn as much as I can about a given subject matter and so I can service the car, put up a shelf and some say I’m pretty good in bed… but not all! It still requires the chemistry, at a party one time, with one woman I couldn’t do a thing wrong, she had a great time, then I moved onto the next fem and I couldn’t do anything right – I was NOT the one for her.

So I would say that skills, knowledge and understanding are all need but so too is the chemistry else it just won’t work.

I would also agree with CATH… if its FUN then the sex part doesn’t really matter much… I was laughing so much I couldn’t get a hard-on if my life depended on it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, I'm crap at it ... no technique at all! But I do have fun, like to experiment and push boundaries so make up for it in enthusiasm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

well its takes two to Tango , lol ok WE can have group sex all sorts but its giving and taking and giving back only way to really good sex. Thats how i see it i give back what i get in sex.. if thay give me loads of oral i do same to them ... if thay snog my face of for hours i do it back. jo xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally i think that so long as you do your best thats all that matters, ive met guys who hav'nt been able to make me cum but you can tell they have tried their best and to me thats all that counts, where as you get guys who are just their for their own pleasure and to me thats not ok, swinging is no excuse for lazy, selfish sex lol

As for me i just do what i do and hope its ok, like i said above you can only do your best

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By *andsomgeorgeMan
over a year ago

Rugby

Firstly, to the OP, great post.

Everyone is different and sexually it's amazing how many differences there are between partners.

A possible downside of being in swinging with first time and/or one-off meets is that you don't know the little touches, senses, moves that really get them going - these are the totally unique areas of (to use the golfing terminology) local knowledge.

However, I think one of the main benefits to those on the scene is that they are more open about their likes/dislikes sexually. One of the keys to good sex is sensing what your partner is enjoying and not being afraid to ask what they would like from you.

Here's to many years of happy, relaxed and fulfilling sex for all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The ONLY way to have GREAT sex with someone is to meet them time and time again!!!!

It isnt about technique.....its about feeling!!!!

To hell with the great sex............lets all just enjoy and have some FUN

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Im kinda agreeing to the fun bit, cos after all, for me I love the social side. The funny things that happen during swinging makes me laugh so much and thats what I love. Like the time my partner was lying on the floor in someones house at a party and I was riding him and another woman was sitting on his face and his arms were outstretched and I had to suppress a giggle cos it looked like an alternative and pervy crucifixion scene.

I dont make that many guys come through oral sex. I certainly cant make my own guy come this way and thats because I dont go fast enough with my mouth. He needs a lot of fast stimulation across the head. A lot of women just basically use their hands to move up and down the shaft and just rest their tongue on the guys head and when a guy comes they make out theyve given a good blowjob. to me thats not a blowjob, its a wank with the tongue resting on the top. I like to do it all sensually with my tongue and mouth but consequently i dont make a guy come and some would say that coming is the main event.

There are some guys who arent very good at sex, in my own experience these have tended to be younger guys who go at a woman so roughly and think that just shoving a few fingers here and there is all it takes. I will now stop those guys and move away. Im not wasting my time getting sore just to give them some kind of pleasure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i feel that when we have a threesome i have to make sure both guys get equal attention and they feel satisfied

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" I like to do it all sensually with my tongue and mouth but consequently i dont make a guy come and some would say that coming is the main event.

Coming is definitely not the main event for me.

Fun and the social interaction is very important, but if your going to have sex, you want to find it enjoyable!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The ONLY way to have GREAT sex with someone is to meet them time and time again!!!!

It isnt about technique.....its about feeling!!!!

To hell with the great sex............lets all just enjoy and have some FUN

100% with you on that one

A number of my first meets have been less than good. But most, given a second chance, have been much (much) better... Its a chemistry thing, knowing your partner better.

No one says NSA has to be a one off. The better I know someones

needs... The more I can have fun knowing that she/ they are having fun. Technique is not the be all and end all... IMHO

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Enthusiasm is a great thing

better than all the techniques going

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

IMHO, in order to have good sex, one needs to know what floats his/her boat first.

Then he/she has to feel comfortable in conveying what he/she likes and dislikes to do when having sex.

He/she also needs to allow his/her playmates to inform him/her their own likes and dislikes.

Lastly, one should have the courage to inform the other person when something is not right while having sex, e.g. being treated too roughly, soarness etc...

My 2p.

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Turning up and at least looking like you are trying is a starter.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

".... My 2p.

Very well spent... if I may make so bold.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

the best sex i have is when we are equally arrtacted to each other and as horny as each other........that's the best for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have found that with group sex, the guys seem to enjoy it more when they realise they DONT have to be the best shag ever for D to enjoy herself! D will enjoy the WHOLE event rather than concentrate on how good an individual was. This means the guys relax when the pressure isnt on them personally, and generally they then seem to perform better!

For me, I find it sexy when a woman isnt self conscious. A relaxed fun atmosphere is far sexier than a person trying to hard to look perfect and act like Jenna Jameson (sp?)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you feel as swingers we have to be good at sex, or do we feel under a lot of pressure.

In a way there has to be a certain level of technique, after all I can get bad sex anywhere. Ive had my fair share of guys who come as soon as they insert and cant get an erection again for at least 12 hrs, or those guys who are really small (sorry guys for adding to insecurity but its no good only having 3 inches when erect). Also the guys who just think they can push fingers in and push them roughly in and out or the guys who just give you a couple of licks and think job done.

In swinging I have to be honest and say I'd be looking for a good technique and an average sized cock.

Its more pressure on men I feel but women are expected to give a good blowjob and to make a guy come.

We do have to be up to a certain quality I feel. Its like any hobby, I couldnt go and join a golf club when I cant even hit the ball off the tee, noone would want to partner me, do you feel its the same in swinging?"

well said and I entirely agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"... do you feel its the same in swinging?"

I guess so. My attitude is always either do it right or don't do it at all.

But I'm not sure about the pressure. We are different so some of us might get nervous while others are inspired by being under 'pressure'.

Great post.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" I dont make that many guys come through oral sex. I certainly cant make my own guy come this way and thats because I dont go fast enough with my mouth. He needs a lot of fast stimulation across the head. A lot of women just basically use their hands to move up and down the shaft and just rest their tongue on the guys head and when a guy comes they make out theyve given a good blowjob. to me thats not a blowjob, its a wank with the tongue resting on the top. I like to do it all sensually with my tongue and mouth but consequently i dont make a guy come and some would say that coming is the main event. "

I can only speak personally, but although cumming is the final and ultimate bit, with the right lady it can be an incredible journey!! And again, with the right lady that journey can be at least, and sometimes even better than the ultimate outcome!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be honest I don't think swingers can be great at sex, not all the time, oh it's easy with your partner, you know what he/she enjoys, but when it comes to having sex with a complete stranger, they are all different, what one woman likes the next doesn't.

I think the best you can hope for is to be good with your brain, use it to find out what each sexual partner enjoys, the tell tale signs are usually there.

Providing you try to give as much as you get, pay attention, make the effort and remember that we are all different you will do ok.

Never worry about being able to perform, performances come from many areas and while one area recovers there is still the fingers, tongue and other things you can do to keep the momentum going, the more you relax about it and learn the better you will be with everyone.

Of course there is another aspect of being good at sex, many couples keep things just for themselves like anal or kissing, so in swinging you haven't always got access to all the tools

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its not about being the best, fastest, biggest or longest or that's the way we see it. for us its all about having unpressurised relaxed fun and if that happens its all we ask.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I believe great sex comes from both a physical and mental state of mind. All parties have to be relaxed and open with each other... It is possible to stimulate a woman in the mind first before the physical element begins...

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Well i just go for it, never stop to think if im any good, i like myself and whoever im with to enjoy the time we are together

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The only question I have about how good you are at giving sex to a woman is ....

Who cares so long as your having fun yourself

Damn just realised I can't post this annonymously, oh bugga, oh well it was nice getting meets when we did

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By *nnTonCouple
over a year ago

birmingham

BBWLUVER. Great point. I can definitely be stimulated on an intellectual and psychological level before the action begins. This certainly also has the opposite effect at times too!

In a group/party situation the brain just gets switched off and all communication becomes purely physical. This has its benefits as it becomes less analytical and more....well, "hands on"?

Different approaches for different circumstances definitely

needed.

As long as it ends with a cuddle and a laugh together I'm happy........

Tanni.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Totally agree ! The group/party meet is not an intimate setting at all so it is not possible to develop a mind stimulating scenario. I am still waiting for such an encounter but will be patient

Ben

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