FabSwingers.com forum: Opinions please

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

This is a personal issue for me and not one that affects a lot of people, at least I don't think it does.

Recent (welcome) comments in the forums have made me question my thinking.

I am very strict about our profile and the profiles of people who contact us.

Ours is 100% honest and to a great extent much of it is set in stone - safe sex, age limits, travel, size, accommodation etc.

If I am outside someones age range (or Sasha) we don't meet. If your profile says age criteria 18-50 we don't contact you and we don't meet if you contact us.

If your profile says "won't meet smokers" we won't contact you and we won't meet you if you contact us.

We believe what we read, does everyone feel the same, how "set in stone" is your profile ? do you bend your criteria ?

Am I reading too much into what people say in thier profiles ? should I take it all with a pinch of salt ? How do I decide who is "negotiable" and who is stating thier preferences because they are thier preferences ?

Confused of Stoke

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The only profiles that I really wont reply to, are those that say 'wont meet smokers', it just drives me nuts! Its my big pet hate, i'm a smoker, my profile says that, so why message me!

Things like age are negotiable, but only up or down by a couple of years.

Safe sex, dont really care if folks play bareback, I just wont. I dont really know if I would play safe with someone that normally plays bareback, its not something I have encountered.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The only profiles that I really wont reply to, are those that say 'wont meet smokers', it just drives me nuts! Its my big pet hate, i'm a smoker, my profile says that, so why message me!

Things like age are negotiable, but only up or down by a couple of years.

Safe sex, dont really care if folks play bareback, I just wont. I dont really know if I would play safe with someone that normally plays bareback, its not something I have encountered."

problem with the barebackers is if they are not used to safe play, to avoid a spotty dick you may end up with floppy dick.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah I was going to say the same as h.h.p. above.... the only one I think is really set in stone is the smoking one. You have to select 'wont meet smokers' so they obviously mean it. That and the playing safe, which is really just down to peoples morals and most people tend to feel strongly about the way they do it.

Things like age, unless I am way outside of the stated ranges, like its quite clear they really prefer older guys. Then I might message, particularly if after reading the profile I'm still quite keen.... and I personaly wouldn't rule someone out who is outside of my range if I fancied them. To me the age thing really is a guideline, you just put them up because you think generally most people in that bracket will be the ones you like.

Accomodation is one that some people dont have quite right on their profiles some of the time. They might do it for a reason, or by mistake, or their situation has changed. Someone might put that they cant accomodate because they're not sure who they'll trust, but if you got to know them well enough, that may change. But on that basis, its not really one to push on.

Travel distance, well you'd think wouldn't change too much, but if people get on really well you never know... and theres always meeting half way. I doubt I would travel to Scotland just for a meet... however there are people I've made as friends on here, and no intentention of playing with whatsoever (mostly because he's a gay guy and I'm straight), who I'd jump on a plane to go and have a beer with, and definitely plan to do so!

Don't know why I'm answering these questions for you. You guys are the gurus!!! But those are my opinions anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

im funny about age limits, if a guy mails me and his age limit is say 18 to 30 i will not reply, because i feel im just a make do, they obviously want younger women but maybe finding it hard to meet one so think....ahh go for the older they may be easier to meet lol

yeah and the smoking thing, i not meet people who have put...wont meet smokers...cause even if they do meet you they just sit and moan when you light up lol

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By *ax the gentle GiantMan
over a year ago

birmingham

i find that each un to there own flexibility is the key preferances are just that but they can be tweeked a bit i guess. the big no no for me is that it must be safe sex otherwise its so not happening. Age range is important but there is variety with it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After reading some profiles I find them very arrogant in the way they are worded and would think they must be showing some leniancy on their demands in order to be getting meets.

But to find out which ones they are, I would have to agree with the op is the tricky bit .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know the type of person I want to play with and my profile sets it out.

I like to kiss, kissing a smoker tastes nasty and makes me gag, not conducive to a happy playtime so I don't meet them. I have no desire to play with someone young enough to be my son or old enough to be my dad. However, I'm 50, and wearing well, not a line or wrinkle, the same can't be said for men my age: they look sooooooo old at 50+ so tend to not go over 55. If a man is married, bi, Dom, ethnic or short...I don't even open their messages. I also don't acknowledge men outside London or who can't accommodate.

I'm not very flexible regarding the men I meet but those I do I enjoy!

For me it's all about the type of man I enjoy, if it means one a month then so be it! I have a busy life outside swinging. I don't want to meet just anybody anytime. My playmates also feel special as they know they're the chosen few.

Some people don't care who they meet as long as they get laid: fair play to them, that's not for me.

You have to do what makes you happy and work for you: waste of time and demoralising just going through the motions, just for the sake of it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My age criteria isnt particularly set in stone as i will meet those in their 30's though i prefer the latter part and i wont meet the 20's age group under any circumstances.

Distance is dictated by my good manners and finances. I much prefer someone within my area ish and dont see the point in someone from London, Exmouth, Plymouth etc sending me a message to meet, nor a friendship request as we are not going to meet, unless their work brings them my way, makes for an expensive cup of coffee. I do tell people in a message that they are too far for me to travel, if they persist in messaging, i just ignore in the end.

I meet smokers as i am one, i am however, very aware of those that dont and try to be respectful around them, for example, i think its good manners not to smoke in someone's car or house, if they dont. I do find it odd that i get messages from people that wont meet smokers, equally as daft as those that claim to have read my profile through but are way outside my age preference

Yes i guess someones profile is negotiable, we are not all ill mannered chain smokers for example, whats the point in meeting if one is that badly behaved, it makes for a bad meet

and ive met guys that smoke more than i do and drink more than i do (nor care too), it seemed more important than the sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like to think am negotiable. I put the bit about the ashtray on their head to nonsmokers when asked whether I will be considerate. As far as age, just recently added this.

Am asked how young I will meet people....and obviously what limit as to how old. Well as long as they are not too young that they expect to be taken to McDonalds afterwards for a happy meal, or that old they want dropping off for their pension from the post office then I guess age isnt a problem to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did think of something else though following messages i have received from a new person (but not a newbie).

It clearly states on my profile i hate being called babe. When i received a message from this guy on sunday, after several messages, i told him that i do not like it. This morning i have received several messages from him, in one line he has called me babe 3 times

I shall be blocking and not meeting him, not because he hasnt read my profile nor because he has ignored what i said, but because i just dont get the feeling that i want to meet at all

I think what i am trying to say, is that from exchanging messages, even if someone is outside ones criteria, one can get from them whether to go ahead or not

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As I have already mentioned in another thread, age range is negotiable.

My lowest limit as stated in my profile is -10y of my own age, yet I still get youngsters in their late teens and early 20s PMing me!

Others are not negotiable, such as playing with sinlges only and not with anyone in a significant relationship etc...

Since my profile is made deliberately long to out the undesirables and has a "password" associated with it, it is easy to spot those who have not bothered to read past the first line and gone straight to the pics!

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By *slandcplCouple
over a year ago

canvey island

We have found that a lot can depend on the circumstances of the meeting. For instance, at a gathering at our home we had an instance where a couple declined to play with another couple because they had declined a date to meet with them stating that they were too old. Which just goes to show that perhaps in some cases our rules may not be as hard and fast as we believe?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ohh the won't meet smokers one really does our head in, they message you and you point out politely that their profile say's won't meet smokers, some reply " oh didn't know it said that, others say they don't know how to change that part of their profile, and one couple said it's not written in stone they might even share a fag with us!!! grrrrrrrrr

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By *ertnbeckyCouple
over a year ago

oldham

yup we delete the wont meet smokers everytime

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tend to be pretty flexible, and I don't delete messages without replying no matter who they are from. If they look as if I might not be there type I will normally try to enter into some form of dialogue to establish if they haven't read the profile properly or if they are simply as flexible in what they are looking for as I am.

I can however see that there is a need for people to be a bit clearer on their profiles...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ooooh, should have read that back properly! I made the "there, their, they're" mistake and didn't even notice!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"im funny about age limits, if a guy mails me and his age limit is say 18 to 30 i will not reply, because i feel im just a make do, they obviously want younger women but maybe finding it hard to meet one so think....ahh go for the older they may be easier to meet lol

yeah and the smoking thing, i not meet people who have put...wont meet smokers...cause even if they do meet you they just sit and moan when you light up lol"

Thanks to everyone for contributing, this one got the nearest to how I personally feel but everyone's input has, well .... got me thinking even more, yes the "won't meet smokers" and the bareback are easy descisions for most of us to make, travel and accommodation seem to be governed a lot by circumstances at the time.

It seems to be the age factor for many of us, upto 5 years each over the maximum doesn't seem to be a problem for most, my problem is that most days I get messages from people when I am 10, 15 and even 25 years over thier maximum

I guess personally I will have to think a little more about it and perhaps take each contact individually, as someone suggested discuss it more with the person (thanks babe ... shit! I mean thankyou)

Lot's of food for thought and lot's of common sense being shown out there methinks

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By *i 1 Get 1 FreeCouple (MM)
over a year ago

birmingham

Our profile gives a clear indication of what we're looking for, although it's almost set in stone, we are flexible depending on the circumstances, for example, although Kid is Gay, he's willing to have a single female present for my enjoyment, and to watch MM action

We don't reply to couples who contact us yet state the male is straight on their profile!

If they can't be honest on an anonymous forum, what chance have we, should we meet them in person!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Age has got to be the trickiest one on here, it would certainly be different meeting people in person, we have to admit we do prefer to meet people as close to our own age range as possible, and have set a top age limit of 45, but that’s not set in stone, the problem with ages is that some 60 year olds can look like they are in there 40’s where as most might look like they are in their 70’s

Certainly not meaning to offend anyone, but when people fill out there profile they normally try to picture in their heads what it is they are looking for, so although we have a top age limit of 45, we would still happily meet Bruce willis (55) or Helen Mirren (65) but lets all be honest here not all 55 year old men or 65 year old women look like Bruce Willis or Helen Mirren, so to set a top age limit of 65 when you know you will only find a minority of 65 year olds attractive would probably resort in you having to turn a lot of people down.

The bottom line is if someone likes your profile/picture and decides to contact you, they most probably like what they have seen and read, shouldn’t make any difference if they normally meet 40 year olds and you may be 50, after all them upping their age limit on their profile won’t make them different people, you either like them or you don’t, but certainly think its best to see it as a compliment than think they must be desperate for a meet, because at the end of the day if we all stuck to doing the norm none of us would be here in the first place.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Age has got to be the trickiest one on here, it would certainly be different meeting people in person, we have to admit we do prefer to meet people as close to our own age range as possible, and have set a top age limit of 45, but that’s not set in stone, the problem with ages is that some 60 year olds can look like they are in there 40’s where as most might look like they are in their 70’s

Your point there is exactly right, ive been seeing quite regularly a guy of 60 who looks middle 50's but got the stamina of a 30 yr old, on the other hand the 52 yr old i once met, just couldnt manage more than once, looked older than his years and totally unfit

but id meet Bruce Willis any day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

this is a good thread - i like the ones that get you to think

our profile is a little tongue in cheek but the sentiments are there

we tend to meet people we have chatted to and cammed with - which means as a result we become a little flexible in our likes n dislikes

getting to know other cpls often give you a different reason to meet

either way we tend not to meet cpls every week but when we do its always fun xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yeah and the smoking thing, i not meet people who have put...wont meet smokers...cause even if they do meet you they just sit and moan when you light up lol

I guess personally I will have to think a little more about it and perhaps take each contact individually, as someone suggested discuss it more with the person (thanks babe ... shit! I mean thankyou)

Lot's of food for thought and lot's of common sense being shown out there methinks

oy watch it OLD man

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ours is 100% honest and we dont deter from it - there is absolutely no point in having a profile you dont match.

Admittedly it is long, but we did it purposely to catch they guys out who just look at pics and dont read it or the ones who are totally unable to digest what people put.

Big pet hate for us are the guys with "straight" profiles who mail saying "i am bi, but put straight because it puts straight cpls off" - sorry but you are then lieing to the straight cpls who have no idea you are bi !!and if you are bi - then surely you would be looking for bi people??as this is a perfect portal and opportunity to find them?.

Also cpls with just fem pics is a massive pet hate for us, as is guys with just cock pics.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"This is a personal issue for me and not one that affects a lot of people, at least I don't think it does.

Recent (welcome) comments in the forums have made me question my thinking.

I am very strict about our profile and the profiles of people who contact us.

Ours is 100% honest and to a great extent much of it is set in stone - safe sex, age limits, travel, size, accommodation etc.

If I am outside someones age range (or Sasha) we don't meet. If your profile says age criteria 18-50 we don't contact you and we don't meet if you contact us.

If your profile says "won't meet smokers" we won't contact you and we won't meet you if you contact us.

We believe what we read, does everyone feel the same, how "set in stone" is your profile ? do you bend your criteria ?

Confused of Stoke

it depends really how rigid you want to be, and that is up to you and only you can answer that.... for example...

if you have 18-50 as your age range, if there a big different between 50 yrs 360 days and 51 yrs 5 days???

you'd never know usless they tell you

of if you have a 50 mile meet limit, and these people were 55 miles away???

is that 5 miles a dealbreaker

obviously some of that sounds silly but I can understand where people are rigid on some things (safe sex for example) some that are rigid for some but flexible for others (kissing where some do and some dont) and those things then are open......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes this is a good thread!

The only thing thats puts us off is bareback. If a couple mail us, the face pics are one of the most important things we go by and a polite mail always helps (well is very important to be honest).

Winks..well we are not sure about them to be honest. We used to get winks from couples and then send a wink back, then nothing! So much prefer a message.

We get mails from couples who will not meet smokers. After meeting half of the time one of the couple smokes...seems to be the in thing to put will not meet smokers. But can fully understand why some couples will not.

Most of our meets/if not all come from couples who know couples we have met.

Have looked at the OP profile a number of times, great pics very tastfully done and a well worded profile.

The age thing with us is not set in stone, but do not like to meet couples to near the ages of our kids.

ohh and over the top pics do nothing for us.

Hope this helps.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is a personal issue for me and not one that affects a lot of people, at least I don't think it does.

Recent (welcome) comments in the forums have made me question my thinking.

I am very strict about our profile and the profiles of people who contact us.

Ours is 100% honest and to a great extent much of it is set in stone - safe sex, age limits, travel, size, accommodation etc.

If I am outside someones age range (or Sasha) we don't meet. If your profile says age criteria 18-50 we don't contact you and we don't meet if you contact us.

If your profile says "won't meet smokers" we won't contact you and we won't meet you if you contact us.

We believe what we read, does everyone feel the same, how "set in stone" is your profile ? do you bend your criteria ?

Confused of Stoke

it depends really how rigid you want to be, and that is up to you and only you can answer that.... for example...

if you have 18-50 as your age range, if there a big different between 50 yrs 360 days and 51 yrs 5 days???

you'd never know usless they tell you

of if you have a 50 mile meet limit, and these people were 55 miles away???

is that 5 miles a dealbreaker

Actually you are quite right. I'm not interested in the 20's age group, but whats the difference when they get to 30? Dont think i can understand that one at all quite frankly, I mean what makes them different to someone of 29 that i would not meet? Perhaps i should look at how mature they behave as opposed to how old?

As to distance, yes you are right, in setting in stone and being rigid, mean one could miss out on a great meet but for me, id struggle to do 50 miles, 5 maybe but then i miss a good play who is 5.5 miles away, its really hard isnt it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Most agree as do I a year here or there doesn't make a lot of difference, I don't mind people contacting me whose profiles say ?-50, many people have 50 as thier top age criteria but will move a little over that, but for me the average amount I am over thier maximum is 15 years which is why I have the problem I have ! how do I decide which ones just want to get to Sasha and push me onto thier wives, which ones are just that desperate this time they will meet anyone and which ones genuinly think I am worth meeting to see if we really are sexually compatible as a couple ?

And I still have this problem with profile honesty, lie about your age on your profile, say your straight when your bisexual, ask for safe sex when you do bareback at all opportunities, how can you decide that someone just moving outside of one criteria doesn't move outside of all of them, how can you trust them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my profile (F) says im bi sexual but if people read it properly they would realise im more bi selfish lol its hard to say what will or wont change on whats stated in my profile as i have found when you go to a club someone you play with could actually be older than you would like for example ive had sex with a guy who was nearer 50 but he only looked 40ish the only thing that would never change for me is safe sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

only 2 things are really set in stone for me...

1. Safe sex

2. NO hairy backs/shoulders

We both smoke and I HATE when "wont meet smokers" mail us!!!!

NOTHING against NON smokers, if I didnt smoke myself I wouldnt meet smokers either

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" how do I decide which ones just want to get to Sasha and push me onto thier wives"

Cant speak for everyone but im sure most would agree...its the women who has the final say on any meet...lol

We have met couple before where it was pretty obvious to me that one of them (man or woman) is only doing to please the other, and I have put stop to it...

Dont read too much into profiles....meet up and get a feel for each other...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And I still have this problem with profile honesty, lie about your age on your profile, say your straight when your bisexual, ask for safe sex when you do bareback at all opportunities, how can you decide that someone just moving outside of one criteria doesn't move outside of all of them, how can you trust them

Be tough enough to say NO to their face if you find out they have been lying..

If they get offended ....tough....its about having fun and not being put in a corner and made to feel you have no control....

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By *obblybitsCouple
over a year ago

huddersfield

the no smokers dose bug and I have messaged back saying sorry hubby is a smoker.

and I don't think We would meet couples who go bareback.

everything ells though I do not mind or pull up on

at the end of the day we all change our minds, we put an age limit on meets because I am 25 and the oldest person I have been with is 35 I had never been with an older man so put the ages I had been with.

however meeting an older couple in a club and having some fantastic fun I do not mind meeting older couples.

I have no anal on our profile but if I did it on a meet and enjoyed it I may change my profile.

all I will say is completely following profiles may mean your missing out on meets.

I do also think some couples/men/women regret putting smoking thing on when it comes back in there face.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And lets face ladies and gentlemen....

Its soooo much easier to say "sorry, you are outwith my age range" etc etc....than say "No, your fookin ugly and I wouldnt poke you with a stick"

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By *etitesaraTV/TS
over a year ago

rochdale

For both myself & my partner MJ the one thing that we will not change is the 'no smokers' rule.

MJ is a former smoker & it now makes her feel sick, i find it pretty unpleasant as well. We may find you absolutely gorgeous in every other aspect but that is a deal breaker for us. We don't message anyone who has 'smoker' on their profile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

None of my profile is rigid.

It'g general. Some people are worth stepping outside a crudely hacked together preference.... Thank God for exceptionals and rule breakers.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I worked out that i meet one new guy ever six/7 months, yes im a fussy bitch but god is it worth it. I prefer a circle of regular guys than meeting lots of different guys every week, one of the reasons i decided just to go to chams on social nights. That doest mean every guy i meet im going to end up seeing more than once but so far the sex is always wonderful

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