FabSwingers.com forum: Recent puzzling experience

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Has this happened to others?How can we avoid this hapeening again?

A recent swinging meet started off good, had a nice connection with the couple, some sexy foreplay....but then I started to get a bit bored....seemed a bit tame somehow - maybe I am unrealistic but after discussing spanking, domination, assertive males, love of rough sex etc. I was disappointed to find that it was degenerating into a kind of straightforward fuck - when I can get that kind of 'vanilla' at home anytime I want!

Got talking about it afterwards with hubby and we are wondering if it's quite common - that you text and chat with the other couple about your preferences/fantasies....they say ohhhh yes we like doing that, we are good at that, we can do x,y,z ......then on the night it is all mild and meek and anyone would think you had never had all those steamy conversations about what it is going to be like when they are dominating you and pulling your hair and biting your neck etc. It's not that dom/sub is the only experience we want - it is just one aspect and it all depends on what mood we are in .... what was dissapointing on Wednesdy is that they built our expectations up by engaging in all the sexy chat about 50 shades kind of scenarios beforehand. Wish there was a swinging menu - then we could order up exactly the dish we feel like that evening!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are people who love the thought of it, but don't really know what it entails or how they'll feel and what exactly to do in that situation.

I'd have to know people really well before I agreed to play like this and it's certainly not something I'd rush into.

Suppose they go to far and it all gets a bit fucked up? One persons starting point is another persons boundary.

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By *SweetVioletxWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

It's hard on a one off meet to immediately leap into specific fantasy or role play situation. Especially if you've never met before and don't have that connection.

Maybe they felt the same about you and were waiting for you to make the first move and went home equally unsatisfied.

Maybe they didn't feel the connection or spark with you which meant they felt they wanted to make that move.

There could be many reasons. I just hope they don't read your post and feel incredibly let down and offended by this public judgement of your private meet.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Not people we know through fab.....but if they are on the site and they do read it then I would wider why they didn't tell me they were on the site?????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Communication is where it's at, it doesn't end once the meet has been arranged and you've all turned up.

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By *ast_jjMan
over a year ago

Dublin and London

Perhaps chat on cam with them and see if they really are Dom by playing out a few dom/sub scenarios.. That way you might get a better feel if they really have a dom side and experience at being Dom. Pity ye don't have an interest in ye both being dommed by a guy, certainly could help ye out there perhaps. Anyway best of luck with it and happy exploring. J

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Good point - we have talked again about it with the couple - turns out their idea of rough is our idea of smooth!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When that happened whispering into one of the other parties ears "so when you gonna treat me like you mailed me you would? I'm yours for the rough and smooth" or something along the lines of that might have worked! Or even discussing it beforehand with not so subtle words during the chat to know each other part of the meet?

I'm no expert at all. Just some ideas to think about maybe try, might work?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's hard on a one off meet to immediately leap into specific fantasy or role play situation. Especially if you've never met before and don't have that connection.

Maybe they felt the same about you and were waiting for you to make the first move and went home equally unsatisfied.

Maybe they didn't feel the connection or spark with you which meant they felt they wanted to make that move.

There could be many reasons. I just hope they don't read your post and feel incredibly let down and offended by this public judgement of your private meet. "

I feel the same as the above.

Only ever done watersports with 3 guys off here, ad that's coz i felt comfortable with it.

I do think a lot of people into the kinky stuff on here have no experience of it as well, so they probably don't know what they're doing, and may even be ok with having it as a fantasy still? That's why i only offer vanilla on here now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Good point - we have talked again about it with the couple - turns out their idea of rough is our idea of smooth!

I was posting my now useless post as you posted this.

At least we all know it was just communication!

Maybe you could try again and introduce them to your idea of rough!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is exactly why we prefer not to spend ages discussing with potential meets what we hope for . Because best laid plans and all that ......

We much prefer spontaneous meets with like minded folk and invariably we are often pleasantly surprised .

Hence verifications and profiles can tell a story .

It's also true that sometimes you have to make your intentions clear .

We tend to do this mid play , snowballing , cream pie clean up ( partner only of course ) , etc .... These things are not so easy to discuss before the event .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've met a few guys who have claimed to loving going down on women (for hours) - only in real life it was either not at all (if I'd not enforced it) or a couple of minutes max.

Then there's the guys who have all had 'safe sex' on their profiles but incidentally never bring condoms to our meet.

I take what people say on here as a pinch of salt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Good point - we have talked again about it with the couple - turns out their idea of rough is our idea of smooth!

It maybe a good idea to change your profile a little ( which is good already!) to include what youre looking for. Include your interests, "I like to be tied up, Dominated etc"

Many folk seem to tick the boxes of their interests without really being into those things, hope this makes sense, and good luck, its early days yet xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Good idea - thanks. By the way, love your profile pic- beautifully artistic, very expressive. m x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"When that happened whispering into one of the other parties ears "so when you gonna treat me like you mailed me you would? I'm yours for the rough and smooth" or something along the lines of that might have worked! Or even discussing it beforehand with not so subtle words during the chat to know each other part of the meet?

I'm no expert at all. Just some ideas to think about maybe try, might work?

Good idea, thanks. By the way love your profile pic, beautifully artistic, m x

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

" I just hope they don't read your post and feel incredibly let down and offended by this public judgement of your private meet. "

This.

At least have the decency to hide their verifications beforehand, otherwise this whole thread sounds like a very public "naming and shaming" exercise.

Communication is a two-way street.

Mr ddc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

the simple fact is that an awful lot of people fantasise about things - and then find the reality does not in fact match the fantasy or simply don't feel comfortable 'letting go' (which, in our experience, sometimes only happens with 'chemical enhancements')

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

they are not fellow fabbers - met them through friends of friends .....unless of course they are on fab furtively ????

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Good point - we have talked again about it with the couple - turns out their idea of rough is our idea of smooth!

It maybe a good idea to change your profile a little ( which is good already!) to include what youre looking for. Include your interests, "I like to be tied up, Dominated etc"

Many folk seem to tick the boxes of their interests without really being into those things, hope this makes sense, and good luck, its early days yet xx

Good advice - have made profile more specific. Interesting that most people on the thread assumed I was talking about a couple we had met on fab - I never said that - posters just assumed it - I am new to the forum but I have learnt now to be very clear with information I post on profile and in posts - as people come to all kinds of conclusions when they are not given the full facts m x

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

It's alway interesting in finding out what toys they use......

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

"they are not fellow fabbers - met them through friends of friends .....unless of course they are on fab furtively ????

Oh, ok, my mistake. It is just that when you said 'Wednesday' in your OP, and you were displaying a verification refering to Wednesday...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"they are not fellow fabbers - met them through friends of friends .....unless of course they are on fab furtively ????

Oh, ok, my mistake. It is just that when you said 'Wednesday' in your OP, and you were displaying a verification refering to Wednesday...

Yes I see what you mean....I should have been much more specific or less specific. Just looked at your photos, they are refreshingly witty and sexy at the same time- not an easy combination to get right I suspect - well done ! m x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When you felt the meet become boring why didnt YOU take control? It sounds like you expected them to run the sh but why didnt you or your partner take full control? "time for hugs is over" and a slap on the arse usually infers things are going to move on. Dnt you discuss when your goin to get "rougher" as letting things just unfold can be a sign to some your happy as you are.

If you ever need a referee!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"When you felt the meet become boring why didnt YOU take control? It sounds like you expected them to run the sh but why didnt you or your partner take full control? "time for hugs is over" and a slap on the arse usually infers things are going to move on. Dnt you discuss when your goin to get "rougher" as letting things just unfold can be a sign to some your happy as you are.

If you ever need a referee!

As both hubby and I tend to both like being submissive 'taking control' spoils the mood for us a bit......however, I can see why being able to say 'time to get a little bit rougher please' would have been useful .....thanks for the advice. x

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