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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I walked into the room, and there she was, sprawled open legged on my bed, just as she described it.

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

I was immediately impressed by the accuracy of her description of my bed. She had correctly identified it as an antique 1930s walnut bedroom suite. This could fetch a pretty penny at auction if I played my cards right!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I was immediately impressed by the accuracy of her description of my bed. She had correctly identified it as an antique 1930s walnut bedroom suite. This could fetch a pretty penny at auction if I played my cards right!"

Lmao possibly not what op was looking for but did make me laugh!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I was immediately impressed by the accuracy of her description of my bed. She had correctly identified it as an antique 1930s walnut bedroom suite. This could fetch a pretty penny at auction if I played my cards right!"

"I love a woman with good taste" I proclaimed.

She felt her way around the hard wooden frame,and brushed her legs against the crisp white sheets.

"What is that" she asked, pointing to the other side of the room

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By *horltzMan
over a year ago

heysham


"I was immediately impressed by the accuracy of her description of my bed. She had correctly identified it as an antique 1930s walnut bedroom suite. This could fetch a pretty penny at auction if I played my cards right!

"I love a woman with good taste" I proclaimed.

She felt her way around the hard wooden frame,and brushed her legs against the crisp white sheets.

"What is that" she asked, pointing to the other side of the room"

"Thats my Tudor wardrobe , it's a collector's item Henry Viii bought it for his fourth wife

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

"Now that," I replied, "is a marvellous piece. It's an original art deco spittoon, finished in silver with a floral design. That's where I throw my used condoms. It probably needs emptying, actually."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I decided i had to leave this attractive, yet furniture obsessed woman. I didn't have a furniture fetish so it was getting a bit weird for my liking, as i walked out of the bedroom door i could see her grinding against the bedside cabinet and knew i'd made the right decision.

I closed the front door quietly so as not to disturb her and hopping into my car i...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thinking to myself if she grinds the varnish off that bedside cabinet it could reduce its value !

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Suddenly a large crash came from inside. I rushed back in to find her standing above bed with a large axe. "Fuck me or the bed gets it" she screamed!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I slid out from under the bed . My cunning plan of robbing antique furniture & sold to a very rich arab were foiled . So i decided there & then . If this Bitch wants fucking .Then fucking she will get .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I fucked her from behind using extra strong thrusts, it helped me manoeuvre her towards the lovely giant cabinet...

Once i got her in there i quickly slipped my dick out, locking the huge cabinet doors with her inside. I could get a bit extra money for a sophisticated and sexy white slave.

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By *e ja vue 2Couple
over a year ago

MANCHESTER

Best not lose the key i thought, or she would fucked all over again

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By *horltzMan
over a year ago

heysham


"Best not lose the key i thought, or she would fucked all over again "

Now then , where did I put my mobile phone !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ring ring ring ring

"How can i get this i-phone 6 out of my ass while i am cuffed & locked up in this expensive antique " she silently asked herself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm kind of glad it's on vibrate hehe )))

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Luckily it was an MFI fakd and the doors fell off, then she . . . .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

...fell out of what was left of the cabinet, comedy stylee.

the phone flew out her ass and straight into the guys mouth, comedy stylee.

canned laughter was heard in the background. had the BBC really got that desperate for money they had set up peoples houses to video them and make tv shows?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And what was Clarkson doing there wearing a strap on with a tub of vaseline? She picked herself up then...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It became clear the real reason Clarkson was sacked .....

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By *ifornowCouple
over a year ago

Skegness

It was obvious that he had been working behind the scenes on the Antiques Roadshow..........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And he'd been masterbating on the furniture.

It soon became clear that it wasn't lacquer the woman had been grinding up before.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

And now he was test driving women instead of cars.

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By *ifornowCouple
over a year ago

Skegness

And trying his best to get into Fiona Bruce's knickers.........

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By *ogistical NightmaresCouple
over a year ago

Manchester Area


"And trying his best to get into Fiona Bruce's knickers........."

But try as he might .... they just wouldn`t fit him

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By *e ja vue 2Couple
over a year ago

MANCHESTER

Even with the vasaline

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So he then proceeded to 'tag' Richard Hammond in to the ring so he could climb into Fiona and set up some scafolding for Jeremy's entrance...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But Hammond had forgotten his "shorty" box and couldn't reach.....

So he

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By *lackMetalMan
over a year ago

Centre

....proceeded to get a James May to set up a ladder made of books for him to reach. But James saw that amazing snatch and immediately got licking...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The condensation from the window he then turned to see her spread eagled on the elagant carved four poster bed he slowly entered her and built up speed as the antique bed creeked to the tune of them fucking then ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

...he farted loudly, a result of the previous nights midnight Easter egg feast, and the moment, and his erection, was lost!....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"...he farted loudly, a result of the previous nights midnight Easter egg feast, and the moment, and his erection, was lost!...."

but luckily the butt plug that got lost in him popped out, shot across the room and went straight through the door, knocking out the cat as it hit him in the head with the speed and force of a RPG. will have to fix the huge hole in the door tomorow rather than waxing my lady tash and beard.

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By *ogistical NightmaresCouple
over a year ago

Manchester Area


"...he farted loudly, a result of the previous nights midnight Easter egg feast, and the moment, and his erection, was lost!....

but luckily the butt plug that got lost in him popped out, shot across the room and went straight through the door, knocking out the cat as it hit him in the head with the speed and force of a RPG. will have to fix the huge hole in the door tomorow rather than waxing my lady tash and beard. "

or alternatively put some curtains over the hole in the door and call it a glory hole

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By *andyblokeMan
over a year ago

birmingham

the question was floral curtains or that tartan pattern??? I know he said...

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By *ogistical NightmaresCouple
over a year ago

Manchester Area


"the question was floral curtains or that tartan pattern??? I know he said...

"

He suggested looking online but knew he would be easily distracted and would end up searching for naked Dolly Parton pics

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

...so James did some equations while painting the walls in Fiona's scafold supported fanny, he chose an off white he'd been preparing in his nuts all day, then BOOOM...

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By *egsandPearlyCouple
over a year ago

Shaftesbury

[Removed by poster at 03/04/15 13:50:18]

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By *egsandPearlyCouple
over a year ago

Shaftesbury


"...so James did some equations while painting the walls in Fiona's scafold supported fanny, he chose an off white he'd been preparing in his nuts all day, then BOOOM..."

.Fionas fanny scaffold collapses as she gushes all over his suade shoes !!! Now, as impressed as he was by the volune of Fionas gush, he was seriously pissed off about his shoes..so he decided all he could do now was....

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By *e ja vue 2Couple
over a year ago

MANCHESTER

Tell everyone they were leather

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Which to be fair is just suede turned inside out .

Cunt he thought prick he thought .turned inside out .

That fucking Clarkson losing me my job .

Revenge he mused

Ill fuck

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By *ogistical NightmaresCouple
over a year ago

Manchester Area

The End

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone knows where there is an end, there is a new beginning...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And this one should start with a bump in the night

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By *istressZoeTV/TS
over a year ago

cheshire

A bump that became a long slow grind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As slow as a pensioner fumbling around for change in her purse in the supermarket

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hahaha

erm....

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By *andyblokeMan
over a year ago

birmingham

the problem with grinding he mused is that without the wet lettuce and the flying helmet it never seems the same.

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